Hello and welcome to, or welcome back to, trying not to care if you're new here.
My name's ashley and i upload every single monday and we just hang out, we do some girl talk, a little therapy session, and it's a good time.
If you didn't listen to last week's episode and you missed the announcement, Merch is coming back and it'll be available February 13th, aka the day before Valentine's Day.
Leading up to it, I'll be posting some sneak peeks of the drop.
So make sure you follow me on Instagram and TikTok.
My Instagram is Ashley Corbo and my TikTok is Ashley C. Corbo.
I'll also have those links in the show notes.
But today I want to talk about this very common thing that happens that you might not even be aware, you can relate to or you might be doing yourself right now.
And that's feeling like you've healed from a certain experience, whether that be a breakup romantically or a friendship breakup, trauma from a hard upbringing, being bullied or being left out in school things that we all go through and time passes and you think you're over it, you think you don't care anymore.
You think you've grown from that experience and you're so unbothered.
But you're actually not healed.
You're just not being triggered by that thing anymore.
You don't have to see your ex anymore.
You don't have to spend time with those friends anymore.
You moved out of your family's house, you moved out of your hometown and you're no longer surrounded by the things or the people who triggered you.
Your life feels easy.
There's no one fighting with you, no one's making you feel bad about yourself.
There's no one complicating your life.
When life is peaceful, there's nothing poking at your wound or reminding you of how badly you were hurt.
You feel good, you feel more peaceful, you feel more powerful, you feel stronger.
But it's not because you've done the work to overcome your struggle.
It's because your struggle's no longer challenging you.
For example, you break up with your ex.
You go through this super hard grieving process.
You no longer see them.
You've blocked them on all social media.
You've blocked their number.
They're not a part of your life at all anymore.
As time goes on, and the longer you don't see them, the less you think about them and the less it hurts.
So you think you're over them and you think you're over what they did to you.
But then one day you run into them at the grocery store and all those emotions start flooding back to you.
Your heart's racing.
You're shaking.
Your nervous system's brought back to how it was when you broke up.
And now you feel like you're back at square one. obsessing over them and just so depressed.
I mean, that's a very normal reaction when seeing your ex.
It's uncomfortable and sad to run into someone who once meant the world to you.
But let's be honest if you were actually over them, you wouldn't have such a strong reaction and be set off by seeing them.
Yes, it would still be uncomfortable.
It would be awkward.
It would sting a little to see them, but you wouldn't have such a visceral reaction and you wouldn't be spiraling over seeing them and making it a much bigger deal than it needs to be.
If they didn't have so much power over you still, and if you took the time to actually heal yourself rather than just taking distance from them.
I know I sound harsh, but a lot of people confuse healing with distance.
Enough time goes by and you forget how painful what you went through was.
You forget the terrible things that people did to you.
That's why it's easy for some people to forgive those who have hurt them, after not talking to them or seeing them an X amount of time without an apology, because enough time has passed that they're not as emotionally attached to the pain anymore and it's easier to smooth over even though nothing's changed.
No matter how much distance you take from a situation, eventually life is going to give you another situation that's familiar or exactly the same thing as what you went through.
And if you haven't spent enough time working through your traumas, all those old emotions and ways you used to behave will resurface.
Today we're going to talk about living in a bubble to protect yourself, coming to that realization that you're not healed and the signs that you're growing, even if it doesn't feel like it.
So grab a snack, grab a drink.
I'm currently sipping on an iced coffee with coconut and whole milk, even though I definitely shouldn't because of my Invisalign, but YOLO.
Get comfy or put on a workout set and go for a walk and let's talk about it.
You're not healed.
You're just not surrounded by the thing that's triggering you.
When you go through a hardship, when you go through something traumatic, there is a lot of turbulence.
It is very chaotic.
You're actively grieving.
You're crying.
You're obsessing.
You're replaying conversations over and over in your head.
You're stalking people's social media.
You're talking about what happened or how you feel to anyone who will listen.
And then, as time goes on and you move through that phase, the pain lessens and you start to rebuild your life without that person or without that thing, and things feel better.
It almost feels like the calm after the storm.
You're relieved that that phase is over and you're tricked into thinking that you are also over what has happened.
You're no longer crying or... living your life around what happened.
You're not spiraling the way that you once were.
So you think, well, I must be over it.
I must have miraculously healed myself.
I started trying not to care in the beginning of 2022.
And one of the reasons I did was because I have always had a very chaotic life.
I've gone through a lot.
I've had a constant struggle with my mental health.
And I just wanted an outlet to express myself.
But also in that year, in 2021, I had gone through a really, really bad friendship breakup, which led to me being kicked out of that large friend group.
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The thing that really prompted that friendship breakup was me feeling very dismissed and excluded from the friend group.
I tried to express how I felt to that group multiple times.
I told them I felt left out, but no one really took me seriously.
If anything, I just kind of seemed needy and naggy.
And looking back on it all, we were all so young, and I'm also partially to blame, because I would tell them how I felt, but no consequence followed.
I ended up just complaining and being naggy and allowing them to continue to.
You know, hang out without me and make group chats without me and talk poorly about me.
And I stuck around and practically begged them to want me as their friend, because I wanted to be their friend so badly.
But throughout our friendship, I just felt very isolated.
I felt unwanted.
I...
Was always upset, was always crying.
And I just felt crazy because I would bring this up to them and they would gaslight me into thinking that I had no reason to be upset and they weren't doing anything wrong.
Fast forward to the actual friendship breakup.
We have this argument that ends the friendship completely.
We don't talk really ever again.
And it was really hard.
I remember crying so much that night that our friendship ended that I woke up the next morning with my eyes basically swollen shut.
And I genuinely thought I was doomed, like I was never going to get over that situation ever.
But then, you know, time goes on and I muted them or blocked them on social media.
I don't remember.
But I stopped seeing them.
I stopped hearing about them and suddenly it didn't hurt anymore.
So when I started this podcast, I really thought that I could talk about my experience, and from a healed perspective.
But looking back and if I were to like go back and listen to those episodes, I think it's very clear that I wasn't healed.
I don't think I was over what happened.
I just wasn't around those people anymore.
I no longer had any reason to cry.
I had no one triggering me.
I look back at that time in my life and I ask myself now, did I actually overcome that, or did I just stop surrounding myself with people who made me feel alone, so I felt better?
When life is calm and we don't have to be in fight or flight, we feel like we're healed.
The absence of drama feels like peace and it may be peaceful, but it's not necessarily growth.
Silence isn't always growth.
More times than not, noise and chaos and destruction is growth.
You really don't know how much you've grown as a person until you're put in a similar situation and you get to see if you handle things differently.
You could spend years without seeing someone who's triggered you, who made you feel so angry, who made you yell and cry and lose your mind and, in that time, become a much calmer happier, more peaceful person.
But you won't know if those other emotions, like anger, will pop up until you're faced with that same person or someone who reminds you of them.
That's not to say that you're in the wrong if something triggers you.
But with growth you may still feel triggered or unsafe or uncomfortable around someone or in a certain situation.
But you choose to act differently than you used to, differently in a way that protects you and doesn't give that person so much power over you.
Growth.
In that situation might look like that person used to yell at you to provoke you and you would stoop down to their level and yell back.
But now, when they or when someone else yells at you and tries to rile you up, you don't entertain it.
You don't yell back.
You just restrict their access to you and you leave.
Separating yourself from what hurt you and creating distance or completely cutting someone off is an important part of healing.
It's step one.
But I call it your bubble because you feel safe in it.
You're guarded and you feel like you can't be hurt.
But you're doing that without doing any work.
You're not actually fixing the problem.
Isolation often creates this illusion of being healed.
You know, if nothing hurts, then I must be cured.
Creating distance between you and your triggers is step one.
It stops the bleeding, but it doesn't cure you.
It gives you clarity on what went wrong, how you feel and what you do and what you don't wanna associate yourself with anymore.
But distance alone doesn't build any new habits or beliefs or responses.
Unless you're actively working on those.
Once you're put back into a similar situation, you're going to end up reacting or coping the same way that you used to.
Let's say that you grew up in a house where you often were yelled at and disrespected.
You felt very unloved.
You felt like your needs were unmet, or you felt like your family was just very unaccepting of who you are.
Moving out of the house is a great solution to getting out of a situation that you no longer want to tolerate.
You don't want to be around people who make you feel bad about yourself or who make you feel anxious, or who make you question your worth or who don't make you feel safe.
But moving out alone doesn't resolve the trauma that you went through.
Once you're out and you're living on your own, of course you're going to feel much more at peace because you don't have someone yelling in your ear or judging you or stressing you out, but the pain that your family caused you is still going to linger.
Anytime someone brings up their happy family or a holiday rolls around and you contemplate going home, or you're laying in bed at night and a memory pops up into your head.
It's still going to hurt because you're not resolving the issue.
You're avoiding it.
There is a difference between real peace and numbness.
Distancing yourself and trying to forget the pain someone caused you does not have the same effect as confronting the pain and working through it and overcoming it.
To really overcome your pain, you have to actually do the work, and that might look different for everyone.
Doing the work might be going to therapy and really getting to the core of what's hurting you.
It might be journaling, trying to figure out on your own why the situation makes you feel the way that you do.
Journaling about how you wish you could have reacted.
The things you wish you said, the boundaries you wish you set.
Doing the work might be setting firm boundaries and getting clear on what you need to do to keep them in place.
It can be going out of your way to put yourself in similar situations and forcing yourself to make different decisions.
I think being tested is so important to growth.
It's probably the hardest way of overcoming your pain, but in my opinion, the most efficient.
You don't know if you've outgrown jealousy until your ex dates someone new.
Past, you would have sent them a long paragraph on how much you hate them and how much they've hurt you.
But the new you, the healed version of you, keeps their distance and goes and does something else that's more productive than paying attention to what their ex is doing.
You don't know if you've healed your body image until swimsuit season.
Last summer, you might have struggled really hard at the beach comparing your body to other women.
But you spent the last year working on your confidence and saying your positive self affirmations and being kinder to yourself.
So, although it's scary to put yourself back in an environment like the beach, where there's triggers, you won't know how you feel until you're there.
Past, you might have been really insecure and covered up your body, but the new, healed version of you embraces their body and just enjoys their time at the beach.
Or, like the example before, you don't know if you've overcome your anger issues until you're put in a situation where someone triggers you.
Past you would have yelled back at someone who wants to fight, but the new you ignores them and rises above them.
The thing is though, you can distance yourself and you can do the work.
You can plan for seeing that person again or being in that environment that triggers you, but you won't know how much you've actually healed and grown until you have to face them again.
Life eventually puts you in the same situation or room or provokes an emotion you once felt.
And part of healing is embracing it, not running from it, because you don't want to disturb your peace.
It's like studying for an exam.
You can study all you want and you can feel prepared.
But you don't actually know what you've learned until you're sitting there going through the exam questions.
You can prepare yourself all you want to face that person who's hurt you, or go back to a place that's crushed you, thinking things will be different.
You're going to handle things differently.
It won't affect you the way that it once did, but you won't actually know until you're there.
And I think a lot of people get there.
They're put back in an environment that hurt them, like their childhood home or their hometown, or they're faced with seeing someone that they haven't seen in a long time, and then they react and feel the same way that they did years ago.
And it's really confusing and frustrating and even embarrassing, because in your mind it's been so long.
How could I still feel this way?
Why is it still bothering me?
I thought I was over this.
I thought it wouldn't upset me as much as it just did.
When you think that you've overcome a hardship, you think that you've healed.
There's a lot of pride in it.
It feels good to say that you're over that ex and that you don't care what others are up to and you don't even think about those friends or those people.
So when you're faced with the reality that you do still care and it does still hurt, you feel like you've wasted your time, like you're back at square one.
The thing that you need to remember is setbacks don't erase progress.
Healing is full of ups and downs.
There's going to be times where you feel really good and then the next day it feels like a truck's hit you.
What's important is that you embrace it, you move through it, and you don't ignore how you feel.
Realizing that you're not over it and it still hurts is part of healing.
It's acknowledgement.
Realizing that distance alone isn't enough and that you need to take action is crucial in the process of healing your wounds.
At one point or another, you need to look to things like therapy to unpack why you're hurting.
Journaling to notice patterns like reacting to triggers before you repeat them.
Boundary setting to protect your peace and not allow more hurt to occur.
And accountability to own your past without shame.
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Like I said earlier, although I didn't deserve for my friends to make me question if we were even friends I played a part.
I continue to try to make a friendship work with people who clearly did not want to be my friend, and I need to put my hands up and take accountability for that.
So how do you know if you're actually healing and it's not just the distance between you and your triggers?
Well, for one, I think it's really important to look at the signs that you aren't healing.
One being intense anxiety around your triggers with the inability to self-soothe.
The reality is, even if you are healed, being around your triggers, being around people who bring back bad memories, who bring back bad feelings, who just don't make you feel good about yourself, is going to be hard.
But I think there's a big difference between feeling uncomfortable or not, feeling great and then feeling so anxious that it's almost debilitating.
Like you can't breathe, you can't think, you can't speak.
It shocks your system.
It sends you into fight or flight.
You're shaking, your skin's crawling, and you don't know how to function.
I think when you're actually healed, discomfort comes up, but you're able to work through it.
The second sign they are not healed is overthinking about that specific situation or similar situations.
For example, let's say that you went through a friendship breakup and you distance yourself from that person or from those people.
You block them and you spend more time alone.
With spending more time alone, you end up putting your guard up to avoid getting hurt and And you avoid making new friends because it feels safer than taking the risk and potentially ending up in the same situation.
Maybe someone new asks you to hang out with them and grab a cup of coffee.
But you hesitate and you start to overthink what could go wrong.
What if this person does the same thing that my ex-friend did to me?
What if I'm too much for them?
What if I come off as too needy or too annoying?
What if they don't like me?
Again, it's normal to have anxiety around your triggers.
It's common to feel discomfort, but the healed version of you might have those thoughts pop up, but you don't let them stick.
The healed version of you would work through those thoughts and not let them win or hold you back from experiencing new friendships.
And then the third sign that you're not healed kind of goes off.
The second, and that is waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Maybe you do allow yourself to make some new friends.
Put yourself out there.
Forget about what people have done to you in your past.
But in your new friendship you're constantly waiting for your new friend to do what your ex friend did to you.
You're waiting for them to discover that you're not as great as they thought you were.
You're waiting for them to get mad at you.
You're waiting for them to not want to see you anymore, not want to hang out with you anymore, not want to be your friend anymore.
Because that's what you expect.
You're still putting your value first. in someone else's hands.
So, instead of thinking okay yes, this person in my past did hurt me, but what they did to me doesn't correlate with the person that I am,
Just because they didn't want me doesn't mean that everyone's not gonna want me.
Just because they didn't like me doesn't mean everyone's not gonna like me.
I have a lot to offer.
I'm a great person.
I'm a great friend.
I like who I am.
Instead, you're thinking well, this person from my past didn't like me, so there must be something wrong with me.
And it's a matter of time before this new person is going to figure that out.
And they're not going to like me and they're going to leave me just like that person did.
Healing is going to look different for everyone, but a lot of healing is changing patterns, changing habits, changing boundaries and choosing yourself over other people.
The signs that you're actually healing could be You're handling things better than you used to.
You're having a different reaction to your old triggers.
Maybe in the past, you'd get really upset and you weren't able to self-regulate your emotions.
You'd cry.
You'd scream.
You'd throw a temper tantrum.
You'd retreat.
You'd act out of spite.
All things that you know happen.
They're common reactions, but they're not necessarily healthy for you.
Now, when you're faced with a hardship, instead of having this over-the-top reaction, you're calmer and you're able to look at the conflict with a level head and talk yourself through it.
Maybe you're able to handle conversations better without going off the rails.
Maybe you're able to sit with your pain alone without feeling the need to blow up your ex's phone.
Maybe you're able to be the bigger person and not seek revenge like you used to.
Another sign that you're actually healing is having more boundaries that you stick to and that you enforce.
Going back to my experience with my friends, I felt as if I was intentionally laughed out.
And although I would bring that to their attention and express what I felt, I wasn't setting any boundaries.
I was saying, why are you guys hanging out without me?
Why?
Why didn't you invite me?
But I wasn't saying if you continue to do this, I can't continue to be your friend.
There was no consequence for the disrespect.
So the disrespect kept continuing because I kept allowing it.
After we stopped being friends, there were other friendships that echoed that same type of dynamic, where I felt like I was being excluded or sketchy things were happening behind the scenes.
And again, I allowed it.
I do want to be clear that if you're in a similar situation, just because you allow disrespect doesn't mean that you deserve to be disrespected.
But unfortunately, in these types of situations, Whatever you allow, you will be given.
It took me a while of breaking off friendships and being alone and making new friends and just taking time to work on myself to put an end to that cycle of being treated poorly, complaining about it, doing nothing about it being treated poorly, complaining about it and then doing nothing about it.
To get to a place in my life where I don't tolerate that anymore.
That friendship breakup happened to me in my early 20s.
I'm in my late 20s now.
I'm turning 29 in April and I can now say, obviously, there's still more work to do.
I'm never going to be done working and improving on myself, but I can now say that I have firmer boundaries around friendships and relationships.
Clear communication is really important to me, consideration is really important to me, intention is really important to me, and if I feel like someone is purposefully disrespecting me or trying to hurt me,
I'm not going to beg for them to treat me better.
I'm not gonna beg for their kindness.
I'm not gonna beg for them to be considerate or care about my feelings.
The consequence of those things lacking is me leaving.
And although me leaving still hurts me because clearly I do want to be your friend, I do wanna be a part of your life It's going to hurt more sticking around somewhere where I'm not valued or wanted.
It's so much more than just getting over something that has happened to you or not thinking about that person anymore or not being bothered by how someone screwed you over.
And it's more about letting the wounds from those experiences heal and then doing everything in your power to make sure they don't open up again and that you don't put yourself in that type of scenario again, or making sure that if something like that does pop up again or someone comes into your life that's similar to that person who's hurt you.
You don't repeat past patterns or allow the same things that you did in the past.
It's like falling off your bike as a kid and scraping your knee.
You want to get back on the bike, but there's no ensuring that you don't fall off it again.
All you can do is prepare yourself enough so, if it does happen, you don't have the same outcome of scraping your knee, so you put on knee pads.
You have no control over whether someone's going to break your heart or not, or do something completely morbid, or if your world's going to fall apart.
All you can do is protect yourself to the best of your abilities.
And that's why we have boundaries and limitations.
And then the third sign that you're actually healing is finally having that realization that you deserve respect and you deserve reciprocity.
You don't need to allow people to treat you poorly in exchange for their friendship or a relationship.
Friendships and relationships are mutual.
You shouldn't be the only one checking in to make plans in order for you to see each other.
You shouldn't be the only one checking in to see how they're doing.
You shouldn't be the only one being kind and considerate to make sure that your friendship or relationship is in good standing.
So many of us are the sole reason why... these connections are still functioning.
We are the only ones putting in effort, because we know that if we stop putting in effort, there would be no connection.
But that in itself should tell you there is no connection.
A true connection between two people takes two people.
If you have to drop your self-respect or your value to gain or continue a friendship or relationship with someone, that is a friendship or relationship that you don't need.
You shouldn't have to sacrifice yourself or your needs to keep somebody around.
I think a lot of people do this because they don't have any other friends than this person or than these people, or they've never been in a relationship other than with this person.
So they think it's their end-all be-all and they know if they stop kissing their ass or they stop allowing them to treat them the way that they do, they will leave them.
And although the way they treat them is bad, the idea of being without them and being alone is worse.
If you relate to that, I want you to know there is nothing worse than sticking by someone who does not value you, who does not respect you and who will never give you the same love that you give to them.
It's really hard to be alone, especially if you haven't been alone before.
But the cost of healing and growing is discomfort.
If I hadn't let go of my past relationships, I would never know the relationship that I'm in now.
And I'm so thankful for where I'm at now.
I'm in a loving, secure, healthy relationship.
But I had to be alone and had to heal from the past relationships first.
I'm going to throw my little catchphrase out that I do that's going to be on the upcoming merch.
But I think that coming to the realization that I would rather be alone than be surrounded by people who make me feel lonely is a sign of healing.
Finally coming to terms with I don't ever want to put myself through what I went through again.
I don't want to be put back in that situation.
I've outgrown it.
I've healed from it.
I'm done with it.
And I'm only making room for people who can meet me where I'm at, because I deserve more and I deserve better and I'm not going to settle for less.
That is healing.
But like I said, it took me a long time to get to that point.
And to be able to set boundaries and feel confident in myself and love myself enough to not allow other people to disrespect me or make me feel less than just because they don't want me or they don't want to be good to me.
Healing isn't linear.
It's also not quick or predictable.
There's no timeline.
It can take you a couple months to get over what you went through.
It could take a year.
It could take 10 years.
Healing isn't about things being cool and calm and quiet.
Healing is actually when things get loud and chaotic again and you're able to stay grounded and make better decisions and face your triggers with the new tools that you have.
It's also okay to celebrate where you're at in your healing journey.
You might not have healed completely, but it's okay to be like wow, I went a whole month without reaching out to this person.
I went a whole month without crying over them.
I went a whole day without talking about them.
I blocked them on social media and I haven't even tried to look at what they're doing on my friend's phone.
It's okay and you should celebrate your progress, but you need to be able to acknowledge you have more work to do and it's not over yet.
Being triggered doesn't mean that you failed.
You're human.
You're going to get triggered.
What's important, and something that you should celebrate, is your desire to grow and heal and not go back to a place where you were hurt so badly.
Now we're going to end today's episode with a few journal prompts.
Number one, what am I currently ruminating on?
What situation or conflict did I go through that I'm still thinking about?
Two, are my current decisions supporting overcoming that or are they dragging it out?
Three, what are my triggers?
And then four, what can I do this week to take care of myself emotionally, mentally, and physically?
You don't have to do all four, but I think doing them in that order is helpful.
Also, if you don't feel like you need them now, it could be helpful to just write them down and keep them in a.
Let's be real.
Life throws us curveballs, so you and me both, girlfriend, probably will need them in the future.
But I hope those are helpful.
I hope today's episode helped you as well.
I hope it gave you some clarity or a little push if you've been struggling or grieving or just going through a hardship.
If you're not already, make sure to follow my socials.
Keep an eye out for the merch drop.
And if you could, give Try Not To Care a review on Spotify and Apple if you haven't already.
It really helps me out and I appreciate it so much.
That is everything for today, my loves.
Thanks so much for hanging out with me.
I will talk to you next Monday.
Bye.
