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Song Jin Shin is the mayor of Seongnam City, a community of more than 900000 people just southeast of Seoul, South Korea.
It's sometimes referred to as the Korean Silicon Valley.
As you might expect then, Seongnam City is full of young, ambitious people working long hours in artificial intelligence biotech, big data and other tech industries.
That may be great for their careers, their companies and for the local economy, but But it's not so great for people's social lives.
It's not so great for meeting a partner, getting married, and starting a family.
And that means it's not so great for Korea's marriage and birth rates, which have plunged in recent years.
The declining birth rate is so serious that the Korean government and lawmakers have been enacting various policies since 20 years ago.
But it hasn't had much effect.
That's Seongnam Mayor Song Jin Shin.
We're using English translations of his comments.
In the past, the mayor says, it was a given that young South Koreans would marry and make babies.
Not anymore.
In Korea, young people used to think that marriage and children were a necessity.
But nowadays, marriage has become a choice due to the busy work life or financial independence.
The mayor didn't have to look very far to see the problem.
My daughters are 32 and 34 years old and single.
And when I saw that they are too busy to have a chance to meet new people, I naturally thought that it would be meaningful if there was a role for the local government to serve.
Instead of sitting back and watching all of this happen, instead of just letting these larger social trends wash over a city, Mayor Song Jin Shin felt he had to do something.
He decided it was high time that Seongnam City get into the business of matchmaking.
From the Boston Globe and PRX, this is Love Letters.
I'm Meredith Goldstein.
If you've been listening to Love Letters for a while, you know that we've done lots of stories about people looking for romantic partnerships.
Our second season was all about how to meet someone.
We even followed a single woman around and chronicled her attempts to find love.
Last season we shared the stories of Nick and Jackie, two young single people wrestling with a high cost of dating.
Anytime you go on a date, anytime you put yourself out there, the stakes can feel high.
What if you build up expectations and things go wrong? terribly?
Or what if it's amazing and you start to imagine a future together?
In South Korea, just like anywhere.
Dating carries all of these personal stakes, but it also carries pretty big national stakes.
The country's marriage and birth rates are so low that South Korea is facing a demographic emergency.
An aging country, fewer people to work and perform mandatory military service and a shrunken economy.
That scary future has put pressure on Korean political leaders to find a solution.
As national efforts have failed to reverse the trend, communities like Sangnam City are taking matters into their own hands.
On today's episode, you'll hear from three people who live or work in Sangnam City.
I'm going to start with the mayor, Song Joon Shin.
I'll have him introduce himself in English, And then we'll use translations for the rest of the episode.
My name is Sangjin Shin, and I am mayor of Seongnam City in South Korea.
Seongnam is home to South Korea's top companies in IT, software, gaming, and biotech industries.
Mayor Shin is a doctor and former labor activist.
In his early 20s, he spent a year in prison for his participation in the labor movement.
He later opened a medical practice in Sangnam City and served 12 years in South Korea's National Assembly.
He's in his first term as mayor.
At his direction, Sangnam City launched its own matchmaking program last year, called Solomon's Choice.
The goal is to bring together young professionals and give them an opportunity to meet, get to know each other and hopefully, make a lasting connection.
In other words, become happy couples who make babies.
Even those who want to get married in such an atmosphere are delaying marriage and getting older.
And I think if people who are in the marital age get together naturally, then it will have a great effect.
From July to November of 2023, Sangnam City sponsored and hosted five separate matchmaking events.
Three at hotels, one at a pub, and one at a popular island outside the city.
Each event featured nearly 100 people, split roughly equally between men and women.
Every participant was picked at random by city officials from a pool of more than 2500 applicants.
More than twice as many men applied as women.
Everyone who took part had to be between 27 and 39 years old, and they had to be employed.
They had to be living or working in Sangnam City.
They could not be secretly married.
And they had to prove all of this.
The city vouched for the authenticity because we had participants submit all the documents.
That's Ji Young-seo.
She works in the Public Affairs Bureau of Seongnam City.
The events were like speed dating sessions, but at a slower pace.
They were five to six hours long.
There were games, icebreakers and chances to connect with people based on their Myers-Briggs type indicator profile.
The city hired a professional emcee and dating coach to help run the program.
Here's Ji Young again.
We're not aiming to have a one-to-one match opportunity, but rather give an opportunity for people to talk to as many people as possible.
For six hours, participants have a chance to talk with all of the participants.
At the end, you submit the first, second, third choice.
Then it's like a lot of speed dating events you'd find in the U.S.
You submit the names of three people you like and if they submit your name, you get each other's contact information.
I should note that this Solomon's Choice program, created by Sangnam City, is designed purely for straight couples.
When I asked Mayor Shin why, he said the idea is not to simply create what he described as social relationships.
The goal is to bring people together who can get married and have children.
South Korea has not legalized same-sex marriage or civil unions.
Now, if you're questioning if it's appropriate for a city to spend public money playing matchmaker for anyone, you're not alone.
The program in Sangnam City did raise some eyebrows at first, the mayor says.
There were some voices of criticism in the beginning. of why the city must serve as matchmaker.
But I pushed ahead with the program because I thought that, in order to solve the low birth rate, it is important to improve young people's perception of marriage.
A report released on Wednesday shows South Korea's already woeful fertility rate has hit new depths.
Leaders in Seoul want to find a solution, but many young people will need plenty of convincing.
South Korea already had the world's lowest birth rate, but this week new data showed it had fallen further.
You'll see this number a lot 21.
This is the birth rate needed to maintain population levels.
South Korea's not close.
Last year its rate was 072.
Japan is at 126.
To put this in context, the EU average is 153 and the UK
The reasons behind South Korea's steep drop in marriage and birth rates are varied and complicated.
Housing and childcare are costly for one thing, which makes a sustainable family life difficult to envision for many people.
South Korea is reportedly one of the most expensive countries in the world for raising a child.
There's also some evidence that younger men and women in South Korea are less compatible politically than in previous generations.
It's happening elsewhere too, but young South Korean women are trending more progressive, while young South Korean men have become more conservative.
With more highly educated women in the workforce, many of them are choosing careers over family.
And gender roles in the country can be pretty traditional, so women who do want to have it all risk having a spouse who doesn't pull his weight.
Add in South Korea's demanding work culture and you've got an environment that's not exactly conducive to people getting married and starting families.
Here's Jiyoung again.
I mean, Korea, we were all workaholics.
We always worked until late.
There was also many cases where mothers if their child goes to elementary school then they come very early from school.
So they have nowhere to send their children.
And so a lot of mothers, working mothers, would quit their jobs.
Ji Young says that things are getting better.
For one thing, the South Korean government this year increased subsidies for parents of newborns.
Korean companies have become more family-friendly by doing things like letting men take childcare leave and giving workers incentives to have babies.
Ji Young cited one firm whose chairman is offering big bonuses to any employee who has a child.
Before, employees were afraid to take leave because then that would be bad for them when they get back to work.
It will be negative for them to get promoted and such.
They will be left behind.
But now I think the government as well as private companies, we're all coming together to create an atmosphere that the society should all work toward creating a more friendly childbearing environment.
Jiyoung says that Even in her own situation, she has more flexibility than she would have before.
I myself, I have three children.
And the city, so I can work extendable hours.
I can come later and stay a little longer.
And I can also use leave.
We have child care leave where I could use some time if I have to attend to my children's events.
So I think these kind of policies all help towards that.
The challenge is that shifting the social and cultural environment around families, marriage and children in South Korea is a massive effort that will take some time.
But the low birth and marriage rates, it's a pretty urgent problem.
In Seongnam City alone over the past decade.
City officials say that the marriage rate has dropped 45 and the birth rate 43.
Which is why Mayor Sung Jun Shin said, all right, we got to do something about this.
Are they winging it?
Yes, kind of.
But, you know, desperate times.
Politicians have tried to tackle this issue for years, but there isn't any really drastic change that has come based on the government policies.
And so I think Mayor Shin since now he's since become mayor of the city will try to do something policies that the city can do to tackle this problem.
When we come back, we talk to a man who participated in one of these city-sponsored matchmaking events and we get into more ways that Sangnam City and other communities are trying to bring the idea of marriage back in vogue.
That's after the break.
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Okay, we're back.
So Ji Young and Mayor Shin were excited to talk about the matchmaking program.
They're proud of it.
We arranged a couple of interviews that, because of the time difference, happened at night, East Coast time.
You should know that I did a very good job wearing grown-up clothes, by which I mean I was not in my pajamas.
At least not on the half you see on Zoom.
Which turned out to be a good thing because there were a lot of people on our Zoom calls.
We asked to talk to someone who took part in one of the city-sponsored matchmaking events in Sangnam City.
So Ji Young connected us with Taebum Lim.
He's a 37-year-old physical therapist who works in the city.
Taebum was born in Seoul, lived in New Zealand for 12 years, Australia for three and Hong Kong for three.
He says he returned to South Korea for one main reason.
I came back to Korea because I wanted to get married.
I was very into marriage.
It was difficult to find a partner while overseas, Taebum says.
And yet He discovered once he was back in South Korea that there was this barrier to meeting people and settling down.
I think these days in Korea, marriage is not the main thing.
The main priority was marriage in the past, but now it's like, let me live better first.
And then if I'm living better, and then marriage.
I think it's because of the economy.
It's hard to live, hard to earn money.
If we get married, we have to earn more money to buy a house or buy a car or prepare money for our children.
But if you're single, you can enjoy your life better.
The trend is becoming more single than couple.
That's why it's harder, I think.
The barrier is getting more thicker and thicker and thicker.
Taebum told me that he had met a lot of women in South Korea, but nothing had come of it.
When he heard about the matchmaking event in Sangnam City, he signed himself right up.
I was very interested.
It's a big chance that I can meet somebody.
So tell me about the experience.
Can you tell me what the event was like?
It was 50 ladies and 50 gentlemen.
And then every five minutes, we talked to each other and then we introduced each other.
It was a bit short time, five minutes to introduce each.
But in short five minutes, I was able to get to know about someone.
And yeah, that was very interesting.
Was there music?
Was there food?
What was the atmosphere like?
Everyone was dressed up.
The food was very nice.
And actually, we were able to drink beer there.
So a little bit of alcohol to mix. everyone a bit happy, lazy.
And then, if we arrived early, we were able to get some makeup, clean up some pimples, which was like a really great idea.
In the United States we have a lot of bars that will host five-minute date nights or eight-minute date nights, not sponsored by the government, but just at a bar.
Had you heard about events like this before, seen events like this, or was this the first of that speed dating kind of event for you?
It was the first time.
It was like the very first time for me.
If you only have a few minutes to present yourself, what do you say first?
You look very pretty.
And then start introducing myself actually my job, how tall I am, and then what is my hobby activity?
For example, like I enjoy horse riding, like quad bikes, activities.
Yeah, and then where, which country I've been traveling.
I have to make sure that she's interested in me.
So I try my best with the main points.
Did you meet anybody?
Several times, but yeah, it didn't end well.
So Tebam struck out at the event he went to. but he says that it was still a good experience.
Unlike with app dating.
He says it was nice to know that the people he was meeting had been vetted in some way.
Did it feel safer or better in some ways knowing that the government was organizing this?
Oh, very, yeah, very much.
Because everything we had to sign up for, I'm not married, where I'm working, how old I am.
So they had everything confirmed.
Everyone was very safe and then trustable.
Before we said goodbye, Taebum dropped a bombshell on me.
He told me he had met a woman through friends, and now they're getting married this fall.
He got his wish.
Is there anything you can tell me about this person you're marrying?
She's tall.
Yeah, she's tall.
She always smiles.
I never get any stress from her while I'm dating.
We never fought.
We love traveling.
We love activities.
We also enjoy same food.
Yeah, everything's perfect.
What's the favorite food?
We like noodles, like hot spice noodles, like Vietnam noodles.
So we enjoy eating food, going to a great cafe, one hour driving.
Actually, I do driving a lot.
So yeah, we go for driving.
Do you think doing this program, even just the exercise of it, the practice, helped you meet the person you're now going to marry?
100%.
If I want to give some main points to who wants to get married, I would definitely tell them do a lot of meetings as possible.
100, 200, 300 times.
The more experience you get, you have more faith and then more trust to who you're talking to.
And then the possibility of being a couple is higher.
I love it.
Well, this is wonderful.
Congratulations then.
Thank you very much.
Beyond Sangnam City, other communities in South Korea have launched their own efforts to promote marriage and childbirth.
A southern county created a website that uses AI to pair like-minded couples.
The mayor of Guli City, to the east of Seoul, started a YouTube dating series.
Sangnam City's program has gotten perhaps the most attention.
It's been covered in the New York Times and inspired skits on the comedy show Saturday Night Live, Korea.
Seongnam City officials say that other South Korean cities are now asking them for advice, as they consider their own versions of Solomon's Choice.
Seongnam City is actually doing more than just hosting matchmaking events, as it tries to reverse the marriage and birth rates.
City officials are also introducing lessons for children in the local schools, promoting the wonders of partnership.
Here's Mayor Seongjin Shin again.
Starting from this year, Seongnam City, in cooperation with the Office of Education, will launch a campaign in kindergartens elementary, middle and high schools to give out the message that marriage is a blessing and childbirth is happiness.
Interviewing people in Seongnam City made me think about why I never wanted kids myself.
Part of it was that I wanted to work and travel and be a good aunt to my friends' kids.
I never had that urge to be a parent.
I wanted to be a part of a larger community and just have kids around.
But maybe I also knew, by the time I was a teenager, that being a parent was expensive, that women lost clout at their jobs after taking minuscule maternity leaves.
I saw what my mom gave up as a single parent, and I was like, no thank you.
I saw women in couples losing who wound up working and doing 99 of the housework and emotional labor.
And I was like, hmm, that's not for me.
Yes, we have made some changes in the United States to make life easier for all parents.
Paternity leave is something, but we still have a long, long way to go.
This is why I feel really weird about the idea of telling very young kids that marriage and babies are always blessings.
It feels a little too close to brainwashing for my liking.
I also understand the severity of the birth rate issue in South Korea and why people are panicked.
I fully get that.
The lack of babies means there won't be people around to do work or caregiving or lead
That's a problem that does require public policy intervention.
I guess.
I hope that, whether it's in South Korea or the US, leaders commit to changing the systems, the assumptions about who does what, the cost of things, so the experience of having a child can feel like a blessing.
If more South Korean women are reluctant to get married and have kids.
I hope officials are really thinking about why.
Just to reiterate, more than twice as many men as women signed up for the matchmaking events in Sangnam City.
I asked Ji Young how one city can make a meaningful dent in the country's birth rate problem.
She says that any progress, even on a very local level, I think we just need to start with what we can do.
What little change.
It might later evolve into a big change.
We just have to really reach out and try to help those who want to.
And not just say that, oh, this is the trend here.
We can't do anything.
Okay.
So the big question is, Did these matchmaking events actually work?
Did Solomon's Choice actually create matches?
The city says yes.
Out of five matchmaking events in 2023, 99 matches were made.
Not too bad.
So the city government is planning to do a survey of last year's participants in July to see if they're still meeting or if they want to get married or what Have your perceptions of marriage or such have changed through the event?
We hope that the magic will go through its natural course.
Whether they found a match or not.
88 of participants surveyed reported that the events improved their perceptions of dating and marriage.
Nobody expected that it would become such a huge success as it was.
They were saying in the beginning, young people nowadays, they want just to meet naturally.
We don't want people crammed into a big venue that's so artificial or something.
And people are saying, oh, young people won't like this.
But there were so many applicants pouring in.
And so we thought, oh, this is really such a need that the young people want.
There are people who want to meet but cannot. that they don't have an opportunity to.
So I think the city was also surprised at what such an enormous positive response of this.
Sangnam City plans to continue with the format this year by hosting five new matchmaking events from spring through fall.
Ji Young says they're trying to build off the success they found last year and come up with a set of new experiences where people can get to know each other.
The mayor, Sung Jin Shin, told me he is committed to pushing the program forward, making it stronger and doing what he can to get those marriage and birth rates going in the right direction.
Do you think that if any of these couples wind up getting married, you'll be invited to the wedding?
Hopefully, I will get a lot of wedding invites.
I hope that there will be many weddings to attend.
Thank you so much for telling us all about your city and this event. project.
It's so fascinating.
So thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
Bye-bye.
Love Letters is a production of the Boston Globe and PRX.
Today's episode was produced by Jesse Remedios and Scott Hellman.
Ned Porter does our audio mixing, sound design, and mastering.
Interpreter services by Day Translations.
Maddie Mortel does our audience engagement.
Special thanks to Linda Henry and Elizabeth Ko.
Our music is from APM.
Remember, Love Letters is also an advice column.
Send a question about whatever problem you have to loveletters at boston.com.
It's anonymous.
Find episode transcripts and more Love Letters content at loveletters.show.
I have to ask, what's your MBPI?
Do you know?
Actually, I don't know.
I'm sorry.
You don't know?
Oh, I should get it because my sons, they all know their MBPI.
I think I was ENFP, but now I'm INFP.
I'm so sorry.
Maybe I'm too old.
It's difficult for me.
I'm sorry.
I'm Meredith Goldstein.
Thanks for listening.
