Okay, then.
Great.
Well, we'll see you tonight.
Well, Zach Barbie is indeed an adult.
He likes the neighborhood, and he's interested.
Oh, thank God.
Really?
Did God come in here and tell you about him?
Because I don't remember it that way.
Okay, okay, this is it, people.
We cannot afford to lose this buyer.
Why am I standing?
Phil, do you think this is the right house for him?
It's hard to tell.
He's young, he's single.
I don't know anything else about him.
Zach Barbie, born 1986, went to college at a place called MIT.
MIT.
I know how to spell it.
OK, so after a quick scan of his Facebook Twitter Tumblr, Pinterest and Instagram, here is what I know.
Privacy's dead?
Chicago Blackhawks, kickboxing, the movie Die Hard, and beer.
He sounds like a frat boy.
Oh, he's many things.
He meditates, he loves Indian food, and he's crazy about his dog Otis.
Does the house have a doggy door?
No.
Put one in.
You get to barbie through Otis.
She's like the girl with the dragon tattoo.
With the cuter hair.
Stop talking!
Oh, she really is.
Dude has a thing for chicks in black tights, he likes old-school funk and he chipped his front tooth playing soccer.
Oh, it's actually kind of cute.
Oh, my god.
You're falling in love with him.
Oh, please.
It's just a job, nothing more.
OK.
That's enough to go on.
Let's move.
We've got two hours to turn that place into Zach Barbie's dream house.
Barbie's dream house.
We don't have time.
Let's go.
That's him.
Hit it.
Hey, not him.
Hey, guys.
Sorry it took me so long.
I've never bought beer before.
There's just so many choices.
Do we really need that much?
I don't know.
Is this a lot?
Showtime.
Hey, not him.
Hey, thought I'd just swing by and see how it's going.
Zach here?
Oh, my God.
You are wearing black tights.
Alex was right.
You are into him.
That skank Zoe broke his heart.
I can make him whole again.
Bailey.
Okay, that has to be him.
Everyone we know is already here.
Everyone, places.
Let's make this perfect.
Yes.
I'm Ira Glass.
Today on the program... No, turn that off!
Turn it off!
It's a back button.
Hey, you must be Zach.
I'm Phil Dunphy.
Come on in.
Hi.
Yeah.
These are my associates.
Oh, good evening.
Hi.
Oh, and my, uh, my daughter.
So, this is the place.
Looks nice.
So, Zach, are you hungry?
Uh, no, but it smells great.
Yeah, it's from this amazing Indian place just down the road.
It's walking distance.
Which is awesome if you've had one too many brewskis, am I right?
Yeah.
Oh, is someone a Blackhawks fan?
Love the Hawks.
Well, that's a weird coincidence.
Let's go check out the kickboxing gym.
Seriously?
I kickbox.
What?!
!
And did I mention that from the back of the garden you can almost see a piece of the building that they shot Die Hard in?
Wow.
I like to sit back there sometimes.
It's a great place to gather my thoughts and just, I don't know, be in the now.
I meditate every day.
Yippee-ki-yay!
What are the odds?
You know this is probably not going to help my negotiating power, but I kind of can't believe how perfect this house is.
And how much is little Otis going to enjoy this doggy door?
How do you know my dog's name?
I don't.
Yeah, you do.
You just said Otis.
No, no, no.
He said, Otis Doggedoor would be perfect for your dog, should you own one.
That's not even close to what he just said.
That's what I heard.
Anyway, we can do a very fast escrow and get you in this house by the end of the month.
Oh, just in time for your birthday.
This is weird.
It's totally weird, OK?
The Blackhawks, you know my birthday, and you know my dog's name.
You guys are freaking me out.
Okay, wait a second.
We poured our hearts into this house and we just wanted to show you what it would be like if you were living here.
Can we go a tiny bit overboard?
Oh, my God!
My favorite song.
Way to go.
You take care.
Can you even see the die-hard building from here?
No.
Mm-mm.
Okay.
I'll be at Coachella, too.
I'll come find you!
Honey!
Hailey!
Well, that's it.
