Hello, lovely.
How are you doing?
Hello, hello.
Here we are at the end of the year 2022.
Thank you so much for being with us.
Like, I don't know.
I don't have enough words to say thank you.
Rory, do we love our listener?
We do.
It would be difficult to argue that it has not been a difficult year for many, many reasons.
And so we have decided to give you a little gift, the gift of laughter, as you listen to all of the wonderful times when we have catastrophically screwed up our lines or said something that is decidedly not going in the podcast but is quite funny.
There might be some rude words, some inappropriate jokes.
Don't take it seriously.
They are just jokes.
We had such funny moments and it's just a pity not to share them with the world, right?
At least some of them.
Yeah, our listener, dear listener, you love us, we love you.
So yeah, let's have some, you know, like jokes and fun.
It's new year hey, scotland freedom.
Let the freedom begin.
Rory, what kind of websites do you visit?
Well, I suppose the same as... Plus 18 plus.
I didn't think about writing, like, porn for every single answer.
What's your favorite website?
Porn!
What kind of websites do you visit?
Yeah, but statistically, statistically, porn websites are the top, you know, the most popular ever.
We are not including this in any of the recordings that go out there.
I'm quite happy to denigrate capitalism, but I'm not going to talk about Putin.
Well, I will, but I won't talk about it on air.
You do the ploppy ploppy and you turn around.
That's what it's all about.
See?
Are you high?
High on life.
Stop adding things to the script.
Stop it, Maria.
Maria.
Maria.
Maria, stop editing this.
Where the f*** are we?
Oh, there we go.
You could say, Rory, look at all those books behind you.
And I will say in an Italian accent, yes, I like to read the book.
When it's really cold, we say it's freezing cold.
When it's really hot, what do you say, Rory?
It's boiling.
We could say it's boiling.
It's boiling hell or it's freaking boiling.
No, no.
No, don't say that.
We can't use this part because I've said go.
No, start that segment again, please.
Yesterday I lay in my bed.
Usually I lie on my bed.
On my bed.
In my bed.
Yes.
We do not talk about getting laid in bed.
In my bed or on my bed?
That is not going in.
It can't go in.
I lie in my bed.
Do you get that?
Do you get the joke?
No, do you get laid in bed?
But do gently ping the like button.
Rub the like button.
Tweak the like button.
Spank the like button.
I used to work at a school with this chalkboard and my hands were like all white and they were not soft.
They lost their softness.
Buy moisturizer for your hands.
Yeah.
Thank you, will do.
But I don't use chalk anymore.
We have this podcast.
So yeah, please, dear listener, keep buying our premium episodes.
I don't want to go back to the chalkboard.
So I don't use chalk.
Yes, chalkboard.
It was built in the 1800s.
Maria, stop messing around with the script!
No!
We'll start again.
There's a child.
A children.
Hello, children.
Oh, hello.
That's how your dad sounds.
That's what I hear when Vanya's giving me advice.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Yes, the queen.
Thank you, the queen, for sponsoring this episode.
The queen?
What did I say?
A queen?
You said the queen.
It's just queen for the band.
Deal with this.
Because the queen is dead.
Well, you wouldn't talk about some, I don't know, sexual dreams.
Do they call them wet dreams?
Oh my actual god, can we please not go down this route?
I was just waiting for you to say something wildly inappropriate.
There you go.
No, but really, I think people talk about that, right?
People do not talk about that.
Oh, for example, for example, once I saw Leonardo DiCaprio in my dream.
Right, I really would like this to stop.
Can we please censor the devil's cabbage?
Cannabis?
You don't like dark chocolate with hemp, protein, and sweetener?
What pronunciation was that?
Cannabis.
It's the Russian pronunciation.
That's such a teenage thing to say.
If I mispronounce the word, they won't know what it means.
How do you say it?
Cannabis.
Cannabis.
I say cannabis.
Cannabis chocolate.
It's really good.
It makes you feel amazing.
Allegedly.
Is the amount of plastic we use increasing?
How the f*** did I know?
F*** off.
It would be closer to a medic... Sorry.
Rory Brampton.
Sebastian.
Are you telling me to fuck myself for criticizing late stage capitalism?
You do understand that that represents the destruction of our society.
Sexually harass the white fucker.
Oh, no, please.
Disney.
Disney.
They smoke cannabis at Disney.
Why do you mispronounce the craziest of words?
Shall we comment on the grammar for a high score?
Oh, for fuck's sake.
It would be great if we could include swearing in this as well.
If you're an English teacher, we're happy to have you here with us.
There's nothing dumber than an English teacher.
Please don't... Rory.
Hey, we're not English teachers.
We're IELTS Speaking for Success experts.
Sally, I want to get my house renovated.
And what time can we drill the shit out of the wall?
Are we using swear words?
What time can we drill the hell out of this wall?
Are we using sacrilegious language?
Oh my god.
How do you think cinema houses will change in the future?
You want to say cinema buildings?
Fuck!
Cinema buildings.
The way that you describe it.
It sounds so close to the picture house, which is what cinemas used to be called in like the 40s.
Shall we go to the picture house, Jerry?
Ah, yes, darling.
Also, I've got a joke.
And you know listener, when you understand English humor and all these like puns and stupid jokes.
This means that your English is high.
Your English is high.
Yeah, do you prefer wet or dry weather?
I like it wet, baby.
No um, Let's have a joke.
Let's have a joke.
No, no, the final joke of the year, Rory.
No, we do need the final joke of the year.
Come on.
Hmm.
An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year's Eve.
One was charged, but the other was let off.
Nice.
Let's go.
And with that cringe, dear viewer and dear listener, Happy New Year.