This is the Business English Podcast, Episode 103.
Three ways to continue the conversation in English.
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Hey, Lindsay, how are you? I'm feeling great today, Aubrey.
How are you? What's going on? Excellent.
I have a question for you. Yes. This will be interesting today.
Do you ever have a hard time knowing what to say next in a conversation?
You know, I'm actually a pretty good conversationalist.
I think I'm above average in terms of because I'm just interested in things, right?
Like I'm usually good with follow up skills, but I do spend time worrying that I won't know what to say next.
So that's the difference. I always know what to say, but I worry that I won't.
Okay, I have a follow up question. What about in Arabic or Spanish?
Is it harder? Oh, God, yes. No, in Spanish, it's not as hard.
But in Arabic, it's impossible right now.
I am really struggling with my, it is such a hard language.
But today I had a couple of wins. We're working on numbers.
And so I'm feeling motivated to go back and study again.
So yeah, it's coming right along. what about you aubrey do you struggle with that knowing what to say next you have like long gaps in conversations or i'm i'm like you said i'm a really good conversationalist in english but as soon as french i'm fluent enough that really it's not difficult anymore but spanish i still am probably at the upper intermediate level And there still will be times where I'll get a little nervous about like, do I know the vocabulary?
Do I know what I should say next? What can I say?
And like you said, I worry about it in advance.
Like, oh, I'm kind of worried to even start a conversation because am I going to know what to say to continue it?
So we got a question about this today, guys.
And first off, we want to let you know, we get it.
We understand this is difficult when you're learning another language, even when you're upper intermediate or advanced, it's difficult. i know it's so true because we just want to be ourselves and the problem with that moment when we're worrying is it actually blocks our ability to go and find the words right i think they call it the effective filter right where if your effective filter is up you your emotions are actually standing in my mind standing as a block to the words you need which is such a shame Right.
That's having the confidence, having the, you know, practicing and having the vocab is most of the battle.
But it's true if you allow yourself to worry about what might happen or think that it's going to be difficult, you're stopping yourself from being able to get to that confidence to be able to access that vocabulary. it's such a shame yeah and i can feel it in my arabic lessons i can feel that wall going up right that effective filter going up because i worry oh i'm not going to know this he's going to ask me the next question and i'm not going to know it so we are right here with you guys um and maybe i will dive in and just read the question first aubry okay sounds great all right so our listener says hi lindsay and jessica i'm mana from japan i'm a big fan of your show since the beginning of the show oh my gosh aubry i love that It's a long time.
My problem with English conversations is that I start a conversation by asking a question, but I have nothing to say after the person replies.
I totally understand what the person is saying, but I go blank and the conversation ends awkwardly.
In my case, it's workplace. It's the workplace where I speak English and I can't keep asking questions or go so deep into the conversation.
It has to be small talk. I know some responsive phrases like good.
That sounds exciting. I'm happy for you.
But something seems missing to have a little chat and end it smoothly.
I'm afraid of this awkward ending. And this is why I hesitate to start English conversations.
Thanks, Mana. Oh, I love this question, Aubrey.
I love it. I know it's so pertinent for all of you out there listening for us learning a language.
There are actually really two parts to this question, right?
The first is when you start a conversation, what can you say after that, especially at work where you can't get that deep and you do need these small talk strategies?
And then the second is how to end a conversation because Mana talks about this as well without any awkwardness.
So we're going to get into that first part today.
And then in an episode very soon, we'll share the second part of this answer.
I'm so excited because I think a lot of our listeners definitely struggle with this.
No question, you guys. encounter this and so it's really such a typical thing we want to overcome at that intermediate level to get to that near native level but first i mean aubrey we've been talking about how important vocabulary is what is one way our listeners can have their own personalized power list of those vocab words Yes, you guys definitely need to try our app if you haven't yet.
You can get it at allearsenglish.com slash app, A-P-P.
And then you can listen to these episodes, the episodes of All Ears English following along with the transcript and add vocabulary to your vocabulary list.
It's the easiest way to access new, interesting, unique vocabulary. yeah and the cool thing about the app is that it's hand curated so our choice of the seven words is curated by you aubry you are the one who chooses the words that our listeners could learn from that episode so in english when we learn a new language we cannot learn every single word we have to target our study around seven or eight key words is that right Exactly.
Right. If you are able to focus on those and they are the words that are more interesting that most of you listening might be less familiar with, you're able to see a definition, see an example sentence, and then add it to your vocabulary list so that you can use it soon in conversation.
Because if you just have thousands of words memorized, but never use them, that does you no good. yes i love it so guys go over and start your free trial of the app go to allearsenglish.com app it's available for ios and android okay let's get into it aubrey i'm super excited for this yeah this is going to be good we're going to share three strategies that you can use to avoid this problem right to be able to continue the conversation without going too deep because we recognize it's different when it's small talk at the workplace you don't have a lot of time you might not have the relationship yet to get really deep but you want to be able to slowly build that connection have these sort of small talk conversations so for each strategy we'll share a mini role play right after to show you how this would work in the workplace Yeah, and I think I like the first strategy, right, of asking a follow up question again, because it's a muscle we can build.
It's a skill that we can build. It's not a natural talent.
It doesn't mean it doesn't have any reflection of your intelligence.
It's really easy. I don't want to say really easy, but it is approachable to build this skill through practice.
Through a mental web, kind of a mental model, right?
Yes. And there's so much flexibility, right?
You can ask anything related. You can take it lots of different directions and still not have to go very deep, right?
Stay in the small talk zone and ask anything related and interesting and just further the conversation, staying deep. at that level.
I love the point that you just made. It's, it gives you a lot of control, right?
A lot of options, a lot of control. You, if you are the one asking the follow up question, you can actually take the conversation in many different directions, depending on what interests you.
You are in control guys. So I think a lot of our listeners might really have this feeling in these small talk conversations that they're out of control.
They're losing control, right? But this gives you control coming up with good follow ups.
Yes. And I want to point out some of those phrases that Mana listed.
The problem is if you just say one of those and don't ask a follow-up question, that's when a conversation ends awkwardly because where do we go from here, right?
If someone tells you about their weekend and you say, that sounds exciting and then nothing, there's just silence, like that's on them now, the other person to ask you something else or change the subject.
And that's where some awkwardness can be created.
You can totally avoid that by asking any kind of follow-up question. up question right so what you're saying Aubrey is that you know it's great to respond that sounds so exciting but there has to be a follow-up question along with that because it's your job then if they've shared something with you to carry on and continue the momentum of the conversation yeah yeah exactly so let's do a mini roleplay to show how this would work want to start us out Lindsey yes how was your weekend it was awesome I went to a baseball game Saturday fun who's playing nice and there are so many options there right you could say do you go to games often who's your favorite team did you play baseball as a kid this is all still in the small talk realm there's so much was it an evening or an afternoon game right where was the game being played who um you know who was the underdog there's so much we could do here Exactly.
But imagine this conversation, how different it would be if I said, I went to a baseball game and you said, fun, that sounds exciting.
And then nothing else, right? There's this awkwardness there of like, do I share something else, even though you kind of haven't asked, do we change the subject, right?
Eliminate that awkwardness with this excellent strategy.
Ask any follow up question. I love it. Take control.
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Exclusions apply. See details online. OK, Aubrey, I really like the first strategy so far.
Now, is there a second strategy that we could share with our listeners?
Yes. Another thing you can do is share something about yourself.
Right. Don't have to go deep. You can stay in the small talk zone.
Often it'll be after if you ask a follow up question or two, even if they're not asking what about you, you could share.
Right. That previous example is. if i say who was playing and you share and then i could say i haven't been to a baseball game in ages not since i was a kid i'm sharing something about myself just to further the connection just to make the conversation even more interesting yeah and you need to do a little bit of both right you need to do both you need those follow-up questions about kind of basic logistics of the event and then you do need to share Um, I've known people over the years who haven't shared quite enough about themselves.
They're the people that just always ask the other person questions and it starts to feel awkward, um, for the other person because it's almost like, well, they're not sharing anything about themselves or asking good questions.
And I like to share about myself, but I don't know anything about them.
So it feels a little uneven. It feels weird.
Yes. And you start closing off like you don't feel as comfortable sharing about yourself if the other person isn't also, you know, sharing and keeping that give and take going.
Absolutely. That will affect the conversation.
Right. So maybe it's not the first conversation you have with this person, but at some point along the line, start sharing pieces of yourself.
Right. Absolutely. Let's do a little role play here to show how this might work.
Right. Where your strategy is to share something about yourself.
I'll start us out. Okay. I heard you mention you have a dog.
What type of dog is he? He's a Labradoodle.
Oh, so fun. I've always wanted a dog, but I'm super allergic.
So you can see here, I could ask a follow-up question about your dog, or I can share something about myself.
It's not that formulaic, right? There's so many options.
There's so much flexibility. And there's a lot of other things I could say, right, Lindsay?
There's so much you could say. For example, you could have said, oh, my friend has a Labradoodle.
Right. Or I see Labradoodles at the dog park all the time.
They seem so friendly. Right. What else?
Is there something else? Or we'd love to get a dog, but we haven't yet because we travel so much.
Right. All of those phrases are I'm sharing something about myself, keeping it in the small talk realm.
Don't have to get deep. Right. But I can share something about myself and then ask them another question or change the subject.
There are so many options from there, but I don't want to just be like, that's so interesting.
You have a dog. Full stop, right? Share something about yourself.
Ask a follow-up question. These are great ways to continue the conversation.
I love this. This is so good. Okay, do we have a third event?
We're giving our listeners a lot of options here.
This one looks like the most challenging one.
So let's go to the most challenging. Changing the subject.
What is this about, Aubrey? Yeah, this is especially useful if you are at work and maybe you feel like the conversation is going too deep or you don't have a lot more to say.
Don't be afraid to change the subject. Let's show in a role play how we could do that, Lindsay.
Okay, let's show it. Do you have any fun trips planned?
No, unfortunately. Yeah, me neither. Oh, hey, did you see they changed the way parking permits work?
What do you think about that? OK, right.
So you can see here there's not much more to say.
Neither of us have a trip planned coming up to change the subject.
No problem. Ask about something else. This is very native and natural.
There's not going to be any awkwardness here.
And this is a fun way to do it, to be to say, oh, hey, and then ask something totally unrelated.
Yeah, we're going to tie in some vocab from the lab from episode 100.
You can't beat something to death, right?
A topic to death if there's nothing there.
So if this person asks, do you have any trips planned?
Maybe they're not into travel. Maybe they don't have enough money right now to travel.
You can't be like, oh, I want to go here.
Like, it's just not interesting to them.
So you pivot. This is the pivot. Exactly.
Or imagine the awkwardness that might be created if you say like, oh, why not?
Yeah. Because there's all kinds of reasons to not be traveling that might be a little too deep of a conversation for work, right?
If it's financial issues or maybe a death in the family, like that's probably not a great conversation for a quick couple of minutes at work.
Whereas you can always change the subject, ask about something else.
Yeah, I love it. I love it. Change that subject.
And this, I think, Aubrey, is where paying attention to the world comes in.
You guys actually, we should let our listeners know the other podcast that you're on two days a week.
Where is that? IELTS Energy. Yes, if you are studying for IELTS, make sure you're following Jessica and I are the co-hosts.
And we give tons of strategies and vocab for anyone preparing to take the IELTS exam.
So be sure to follow wherever you find your podcasts.
And when it comes to the IELTS exam, we say it's so important to have your culture of thinking, right?
And that plays in here too, Aubrey. You're paying attention, you're consuming media, you're reading books, you're watching movies, you're listening to conversations.
So you have something to change the subject to.
There needs to be something in the head.
Now, if you're not paying attention to what's going on, if you didn't know about this, parking permit change, it might be a little tougher to come up with something to ask.
But if you're right, if you have that culture of thinking, you can ask about something you read in the news or heard on a podcast or what they're watching on TV.
There are so many options. Right. And then this one is good.
What you did here, where you changed it to is such a go-to because you go to a shared situation.
You both probably drive a car to work. They change parking permits.
So you both share that. That's where I would go first in a subject change.
Absolutely. Because their response is either going to be, I know, can you believe it?
Or I haven't heard that yet. Either way, they'll be interested.
They'll be interested. Yeah, you can guarantee that if it affects them, they will be interested.
Absolutely. All right, Aubrey, I love this episode.
Are we going to come back to this topic another day? yes guys this yeah there's more to her question than this this is part of it is when you're having a conversation knowing how to respond in a way that doesn't make the conversation end awkwardly but also mana was asking about ending conversations without awkwardness so we are going to share that very soon make sure you're following this podcast so you don't miss that episode and of course if you're taking ielts go over and follow the ielts energy podcast all right aubry uh any final takeaway to keep in mind that we should think about coming away today?
This is so important, right? Small talk at work is where those connections are really built, right?
It starts with that small talk. Then you can get deeper later, build those connections.
But if you always have awkwardness with your small talk, you won't get there.
So you need strategies to know what to say, to continue a conversation and stay at that small talk level.
Yeah, 100%. I love it. Thanks for hanging out on the microphone today.
And I will see you in the next one, Aubrey.
Take care. Awesome. See you next time. Bye. Thank you for listening to Business English, a podcast just for you, the high achieving global professional.
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