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Hey folks, just a heads up before we get started.
This episode includes violence and homophobic language
that might be upsetting.
On July 31st, 2019, Monique Muffy Musso,
and her partner, Philippa De Leon, members of the Oglala Lakota Sioux tribe,
stood before the district council of the Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota,
and they pleaded for help.
If I didn't know how to come down here today, I was scared.
That's Muffy.
I have all my tires shot out, all my windows busted out,
bang it, written on the side of my house.
I called the cops.
I said, are you going to do a report?
They laughed.
Not nothing for protection.
Not a single one of anybody stuck up for me.
Don't hate me.
Don't hate my wife.
Our love is just like your love.
Philippa also testified.
I have a lot of friends in one of the need districts
that are LGBT community.
They just don't want to come out because they're afraid.
This season, we've been looking at moments in history
that have changed the direction of someone's life.
But sometimes, we're the ones who have to make that history.
This is a story about fighting for home,
even when it's the hardest place to be,
even when it would be easier to just run.
I love each and every one of you and I want you to take this back and tell
at least five people what I've said tonight.
I do love this place and I do want to be here.
I never wanted to leave.
It's the StoryCore podcast from NPR.
I'm Camilla Cushani.
Back in 2005,
Muffy was working as a tribal police officer.
Philippa was a teacher.
They met one night when Muffy went out for a drink in Rapid City,
which was off the reservation.
The bar shins it up in was loud and crowded.
And Philippa was there.
What I remember seeing you and just falling head over heels and love with you.
So I went over and I gave you my car keys and told you you was driving me home.
It was totally black and white until I seen you that night.
Everything became colorful and bright, like a lightning bolt.
Yes.
Did you think that we'd ever meet again?
Yeah, I knew we were gonna.
There was no doubt about that.
Boy, because I had a few of your items that I took from that night.
You know, you were my first female relationship.
I didn't care what people said.
I didn't care what anybody thought.
You were the one that I wanted to be with to rest of my life.
But it was scary because I seen how people reacted to same-sex couples.
Was there ever a moment where you thought about hiding our relationship to make life easier?
I kind of wanted to for a bit.
You know, a lot of my friends pulled away from me.
So I guess I can't say they were my friends.
And when I first met your parents, I was so scared.
I didn't know what to think.
Yeah.
But your mom made me feel relaxed and she started talking.
She hugged me.
Your dad gave me a hug.
And then I was able to just be open with her.
Yeah.
My mom reassured us that if you're in love with this person,
then I support that.
She said, if you're going to be with somebody, why are you going to hide it?
So you have to make that decision.
You know, and I made it.
Muffy and Philippa never hid their love.
But that had consequences.
After four years on the job as a tribal police officer,
Muffy started getting harassed at work.
Co-workers and supervisors started saying things,
quietly at first, under their breath.
And then the comments got louder.
I would got called into the chief of police.
And he said either be a police officer or be a vagant.
And I chose to be a vagant.
I chose to stand strong beside you.
After Muffy left the force, the risk of violence grew.
I was threatened that if I didn't get my faggot ass out of there,
that my parents would be burned up while they slept in their home.
And that you would be raped every time I left to go to work.
I never told you about that.
You know, I talked to my mom and I told her, you know,
I can't have this come on to you.
And my mom would always say, are you willing to die for her?
And I would say, yes.
She said then that's who you need to be with.
Around that time, Philippa had a teaching job off of the reservation.
But things weren't any easier for her.
I was working as a preschool teacher.
And we were having our family picnic.
So you came up and you know, I let them know that you was my girlfriend.
Not realizing what kind of effect that was going to have on my job.
Is that Monday when I got back to work?
I was called into the office by the director.
And he had advised me that I was no longer needed.
I asked him why and what did I do?
And my boss told me that it was unethical for someone like me to be working with children.
Yeah.
And you went into a big depression.
You were asleep for 12 to 16 to 18 hours a day.
I mean, I was reaching and trying to make a smile come back on your face somehow.
And I always asked you, you know, what do you dream about, Philippa?
And he said, oh, nobody's ever asked me that.
I'm like, really?
Shoot, man.
Now, you're the only person in my life that said, what do you want to do?
And I didn't know you as research in colleges for me.
I asked you, let's just go somewhere else.
Let's get away.
Our freedom was more important than lying and hiding.
So we packed our little car up and we left.
They left the reservation and then the state altogether.
Philippa went back to school and over the next six years they started building a new life.
And then on June 26, 2015, the US Supreme Court struck down all state bands on same sex
marriage. Right after the law was passed, a group of gay couples paid for a group wedding
ceremony and invited Muffy and Philippa. The location, Mount Rushmore.
We got married in front of those four white men looking down on us.
I don't like that part, but that was my most favorite memory.
And so we both stood there and said, I do a lot of our support from deep and Indian country came
at our dinner before the marriage.
We thought just about 15 people would show up.
We ended up having 80 people just flood that Chinese restaurant.
What?
It was mind blowing to hurry and hawk some stuff so we could pay for that bill.
But we did it. We did it.
A year passed.
Muffy and Philippa had settled into their life in North Dakota.
Philippa had graduated from college and was working as a director of a child care facility.
And Muffy was working security jobs.
Then Muffy's parents came to visit and her mother, Fern Big Owl Musso, had a request for her daughter.
What do you remember when your mom asked you to come home?
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Muffy's mother, Fern, had already been dealing with some health issues.
She had a stroke some years earlier,
Amazon dialysis three times a week.
But when she came to visit in 2016, she told Muffy that her health had taken a turn for the worse.
Fern understood the risks of them coming home, but she wanted to spend her final months with her children.
My mom asked me to come back and watch her die.
But my concern was the threats.
I told her I said I don't know if enough time has passed.
And that really weighed on my mind.
But I knew that was serious and I couldn't let her down.
It had been 10 years since they'd moved away.
And in that time, little had changed.
They were returning to a place where the hate and violence it experienced was still present.
And their marriage wouldn't be recognized.
That's because as sovereign nations, federal laws don't apply to tribes.
While some tribal nations had already recognized same-sex marriage,
the Oglala Sioux Tribe hadn't.
But remember, Muffy and Flee put never hid their relationship.
So when they went back, they were getting calls from folks who saw them as a lifeline.
People in the community were reaching out to them for help and advice.
And they started to realize that it wasn't just about them.
Do you remember those calls that were coming in?
All of these people telling me these traumas.
When we were getting bashed threatened when we were being called fake it,
there was nobody standing up.
Except my dad and mom.
Nobody wanted to talk about these issues.
And my mom said, talk about them.
And don't ever be afraid to be who you are.
You know, she took some diamonds and gold and she infused them into my spine.
And she made my backbone strong.
It felt horrible.
But I think it was the turning point to standing up.
I thought, one thing for all.
And I jumped off.
Muffy started looking for someone who could help.
Someone who knew the law and how to change it.
She went straight to the Oglala Sioux Tribe's attorney general.
And he vowed to take a stand with her.
Turns out he had lost a close friend who had taken his own life
after coming out and being rejected by his parents.
They drew up two bills, the first for marriage equality,
and then for hate crime protections.
The next step was going in front of the tribal council to plead their case.
I'm so scary.
Oh, talking in front of the tribal council's about
all of the things that we've been through.
We had to put ourselves out there.
We have teenagers committing suicide and nobody wants to protect them.
Our youth are being bullied.
Why is it that it takes men, my wife, to have to come up here and cry
to try to protect our youth?
My main objective was to ensure that safety of our people
to face something that made us leave.
This is a human being law.
It's given that protection to all human beings
within the tribal membership of the Oglala Lakota.
This is something that our tribe has never had.
Like Muffy said, there have never been laws protecting LGBTQ folks,
but homophobia is a relatively new idea to a lot of tribal nations.
Muffy and Philippa are both two spirit women, which they describe as a person who embodies both
feminine and masculine spirits.
Before colonization and Christianity, two spirit people were revered and embraced.
Prior to pilgrims touching on this land, we were accepted.
We are the sacred ones, the woa-kong, sacredness,
two spirit of our people.
After months of sharing their testimony, the council had to vote.
We got to eat, you know, in the 9-year-old, another year and as like 10 and 11,
we were sitting there and I'm like, holy shit, oh my god, this is going to pass now.
And whereas the Oglala Lakota tribe is of the firm conviction
that all persons regardless of who they are or who they live should be protected against the hate and abuse and violence that might be directed towards it.
Child council does hereby adopt the following hate kind of ordinance to be added to the Oglala Lakota tribe.
And one day passed, oh that was able to breathe again and I felt proud, yeah.
But I gotta tell you fully, but you know when they went around the room and unanimously passed, I was very scared.
And all I wanted to do was get the hell out of there.
I know everybody wanted to celebrate, you know, and you felt that and I said, no, let's go.
Yes.
And do you remember that trip home?
On our way home, in the middle of the road was a huge white owl.
He waited until our lights got up to him and then he flapped and flew.
Yeah.
And then he went off out of the lights.
Yeah.
And then just up the road from there on the side was a white deer.
With horns, big brown horns, we've driven through their hundreds of times and not one time ever seen that ever again.
The animal nation came to help us.
They're letting us know that they were there.
Mm.
You know, my mom always said being Oglala Lakota was one of the biggest ways of life.
That's respecting not just people, that's respecting the earth, the insects, the animals, the air, the sky, the stars, the clouds, the atmosphere, the water, the ground, the dirt.
She wanted me to remember that humility is a big part of that and having pity on not just yourself but others.
And remembering to live this way, she was telling me to have that courage to face that fear.
In December 2019, just two months after seeing Muffy and Philippa make history, Fern Bigel Musso passed on.
She was 75 years old.
Muffy and Philippa's efforts helped pass both same-sex marriage legalization and the anti-hate crime bill within the Oglala Sioux tribe.
Since then, they've gone on to help three other tribes within the Ocettishakoui, the Sioux nation, pass the same legislation and more are in the wings.
We have our ancestors and I think it's all of them that I walk this journey with.
We're doing this for them, far too much by the way, for our families, for our communities.
That's what gives me strength and hope to keep moving forward because I know we have a long ways to go yet.
But as long as we're doing it together and it's me and you,
I know that we're going to get there.
That's all for this episode of The Story for Podcast.
It was produced by Jay Bourne and Savannah Winchester and edited by Eleanor Vassili, who's our senior producer.
Our associate producer is Max Young Rice.
Our technical director is Jared Floyd.
Our fact checker is Erica Anderson.
Michael Grafflo is our executive producer and Jasmine Morris is our story consultant.
Special thanks to Jacqueline Estes, South Dakota Public Broadcasting, and our partners for this podcast at Uniting Resilience and the Lakota People's Law Project.
To see what music we use in the episode, go to storycore.org, where you can also check out Original Artwork by Lynn Lucia.
For the Storycore podcast, I'm Camille Likashani.
Catch you next week.
Support for this podcast comes from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, a private corporation funded by the American people.
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