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Hello, hello, this is Kara Lowenthal, your guest host for the week.
Welcome to Radio Headspace and to Tuesday.
This week is all about how to live with less insecurity and more confidence.
Today I'm going to talk about how confidence issues can show up as anxiety.
And I'll share a simple way to keep those anxious thoughts from spiraling out of control.
In my work, particularly, I look a lot at how women are taught to think, and how that contributes to ever -present anxiety and security about most areas of their lives.
Fundamentally, if you are taught that your value comes from what other people think about you, whatever gender you are, if that's a lesson that you picked up along the way, you're going to be pretty anxious most of the time because you don't have an inherent and stable sense of self -worth.
The way that you can resolve and change your anxiety is to get super curious about the anxiety itself.
I think there are two types of people.
One type of person is very aware that they have negative emotion and they are constantly trying to get away from it And so, if that's you, if you are sort of very aware when you are sad, or anxious, or afraid, then the practice is allowing that emotion so you can even practice thinking to yourself, it's safe to feel this, this emotion is just a sensation in my body.
And then you can start to ask yourself, why am I feeling this?
It's really a deceptively simple question.
When you ask yourself, why am I feeling this, and your brain says, Because if you don't get a text back that means you're not good enough and no one will ever love you.
You think that that's just true, that your brain is just delivering truth to you.
When you understand that your brain has all sorts of nonsense thoughts, you can see that as an optional thought.
So when you feel anxious and you ask yourself why am I feeling anxious and your brain says because if you don't get a text back nobody will love you and you'll die alone, you can get that distance that we talked about in yesterday's episode where you can say, oh that's a sentence in my mind, I am making up this idea that whether or not I get a text back means whether or not I die alone.
And I can choose to try to practice thinking something else.
Now, if you are the other group of person, then you are actually not aware of how you feel at all, and so There's an additional step for you.
Everything I just said still works, but before you can even get to that point, you have to practice tuning into your body to actually become aware of your emotions in the first place.
I once actually had a client when I first started my coaching practice who came to me and he insisted that he could not feel his emotions.
And so I finally said to him, how did you know you needed a coach if you couldn't feel any of your feelings?
And that clicked for him and he was like, oh, whatever sensation I was having in my body that signaled to me that I needed to do something, that was a feeling.
So if you are not used to being in touch with your feelings, then you're going to need to practice paying attention to them.
So if you ask your brain what feeling you're having, it probably won't know what to say because you're not very in touch with that.
But you can scan your body to see if you feel anything.
Literally just set a time each day to check in and ask yourself how you feel.
Do you feel hot in some areas, do you feel light, do you feel heavy?
Look into your body, connect to that physical sensation, and it will take time.
As you're practicing all of these tools, there can be a period during which you almost feel a little bit worse because you are now so aware of your thinking.
And so what I wanna share with you is when you feel like those anxious thoughts are spiraling out of control.
Generally, the reason you feel out of control is that you're trying to stop the thoughts.
The most simple, basic thought work you can do in that moment is just to start adding I notice that I'm thinking to your thoughts.
So if your thoughts are oh my god, I can't believe I did that, I screwed that up, I'm such a terrible person, you just add I notice that I'm thinking that I'm a terrible person, I noticed I'm having the thought that so and so will be mad at me.
Just that little bit will create that distance between you and your thinking.
Alright, that's it for today.
Tomorrow is all about having more self -love and less negative self -talk, and I'll share why criticising ourselves does not actually help us in the long run.
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