The Power of 'Often': Redefining Consistency for a Balanced Life

In the hustle of modern life, we often trap ourselves in a binary mindset: we believe we must do things "always" or not at all. In this episode of Before Breakfast, host Laura Vanderkam challenges this rigid perspective, proposing that "often is pretty much as good as always." By shifting our focus from absolute consistency to a more flexible approach, we can achieve our goals while maintaining sanity and autonomy.

The Trap of the 'Always' Mindset

Many of us feel immense pressure to adhere to strict routines. The podcast illustrates this through the example of a mother wrestling with the daily school pickup. While her new job offered "flexibility and autonomy," she felt guilty about not picking her son up daily, even though the commute was a "30-minute chunk out of the afternoon."

This "either or situation" is a common trap. We often believe that if we aren't performing a task every single day, we are failing. However, as Vanderkam points out, when people claim they "always" do something—like having family dinner—they rarely mean it in the literal, absolute sense. They don't mean they never attend work events or travel to visit relatives; they mean they "generally eat dinner together, unless there is a good reason not to."

The Freedom of Flexibility

Once we accept that "often is generally as good as always," we open up a world of "possibilities." By moving away from the rigid "always," we can customize our schedules to suit our specific needs.

Using the school pickup scenario again, Vanderkam suggests a multifaceted approach:

• Day 1: Sign the child up for an after-school activity to ensure an "uninterrupted workday."
• Days 2 & 3: The child takes the bus home, allowing the parent to say hello while keeping the work-life interruption to "closer to 10 minutes rather than 30."
• Days 4 & 5: The parent picks the child up early to "just be done with work" and spend quality time together.

This strategy demonstrates that you can still be a present, involved parent without being tethered to a daily, time-consuming routine that hinders your professional productivity.

Applying the 'Often' Principle to Your Life

To adopt this mindset, one must look at their own habits. Vanderkam shares her personal experiences to illustrate this shift in perspective:

• Bedtime: She considers 11 PM her bedtime, but if she is engrossed in a "really good book," she allows herself the grace to stay up later.
• Personal Growth: She practices the piano "often," but explicitly notes, "I do not do it every single day."
• Parenting: She puts her kids to bed "often," but accepts that traveling or other evening commitments make this impossible at times.

Conclusion: Life is Seldom Either Or

Ultimately, the lesson is about intentionality. When we stop holding ourselves to the impossible standard of "always," we reduce unnecessary guilt and increase our ability to manage our time effectively. As Vanderkam concludes, "Thinking more broadly is often a good thing because life is seldom either or." By embracing the concept of doing things "often," we can create a life that is both productive and fulfilling, proving that true success isn't found in rigid perfectionism, but in the sustainable, consistent pursuit of our priorities.