I've got a show to recommend that I genuinely think you and your kids are going to love.
It's called Lightcatchers, a brand new award-winning cinematic audio adventure from the team behind Batman, High Volume and Story Pirates.
If your house is into pinna favorites like Grim Grimmer, Grimmest or Hero Hotel, this is absolutely your next play.
Stick around for a preview at the end of this episode.
Then search Lightcatchers wherever you get your podcasts.
Hi, my name is Adam Gidwitz.
I'm an author.
I'm also a storyteller.
I like to tell lots of different kinds of stories.
I especially like to tell grim fairy tales.
Well, what does that mean, you might be wondering?
What is a grim fairy tale?
I don't even know the definition of the word grim.
Well, grim spelled with one M means dark and scary and ominous.
But grim spelled with two Ms is the name of two brothers.
Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm.
These brothers Grimm lived in Germany over 200 years ago, and they're famous for the stories they collected.
Stories like Little Red Riding Hood, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty.
Now you may think I stopped liking those stories when I was like three years old because they are cute and boring.
But listen, those were the cute, happy little kid bedtime versions of the Grimm fairy tales.
The original grim tales aren't like that at all.
They're weird, and sometimes gross, and often scary.
In other words, they're grim.
And I'm about to walk into a classroom and tell one of the original grim, grim tales to a bunch of kids.
Do you want to join me?
Do you want to hear a grim fairy tale?
I don't know if you said yes or no because I can't hear you.
So let me tell you a few things that might help you decide.
When I say grim fairy tales are weird, I mean like really weird.
Like, wait, how did that kid just turn into a church?
And what?
Did that princess just come back to life?
Most of the time, these questions don't have answers.
But that's okay.
Sometimes it's fun to just ask the questions anyway.
Here's another thing you need to know.
These stories can be scary.
On a scale of grim, grimmer, and grimmest, the story I'm going to tell today is grimmer.
It's not very scary and you might have even heard it before, but there is some weirdness and some danger.
If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do.
You could turn down the volume and count to five, then turn the volume back up.
If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, just turn the volume down and count to five again.
You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for.
You know what you need.
Okay, I'm at the classroom door now.
There are kids inside, waiting to hear a grim fairy tale.
So, are you coming in?
Grim, Grimmer, Grimmest.
You're all third.
Okay.
My name is Adam, but I let my kids call me Mr. Gidwitz.
Gidwitz.
Yeah, that's my last name.
Gidwitz.
Adam Gidwitz.
No, not that.
Okay.
All right.
Here we go.
Once upon a time, there was a Miller who was very proud of his daughter.
He loved to talk about her.
The Miller's daughter was the greatest kid ever born.
At least, that's what the Miller seemed to think.
Do your parents ever talk about you this way?
Oh, she's so wonderful at this.
He's amazing at that.
Come on, show them.
Don't be shy.
She's really amazing.
It's kind of embarrassing, right?
Yeah.
Your parents do that?
Yeah.
You know exactly what our parents embarrass us all the time.
My parents get embarrassed at me by dancing in public.
Yeah.
Dancing in public.
Also, when they're bragging about you like that, sometimes it feels like a lot of pressure, right?
They're like, he's so amazing.
And you're like, am I really?
You know?
Yeah.
One evening, the miller was at a tavern bragging about his daughter.
Everything someone's kid could do, the miller's daughter could do better.
Eventually, someone said, my daughter can spin the roughest wool into the finest thread.
Oh, yeah?
Said the miller.
My daughter can spin straw into golden thread.
Real thread, made out of gold.
Well, no one believed him.
But the miller insisted.
In the tavern was a servant to the king.
The servant said to the miller If your daughter can spin straw into golden thread, she should come to the palace.
The king would reward her greatly.
So the next day the miller set out with his daughter to see the king.
The miller's daughter was furious with her father.
I can't spin straw into gold.
Why would you say that?
But the miller just patted her on the hand and said, You'll be fine.
When the miller and his daughter got to the castle, they were led into a small stone room.
The air was thick with dust, and the room was stacked floor to ceiling with straw.
A spinning wheel, which is used to spin wool into yarn, sat in a corner.
The king walked in.
So, the king announced, I hear you can spin straw into gold.
The miller's daughter tried to object.
Actually, your highness.
But the miller cut her off.
Of course she can.
And because the miller was older and a man, and her father, the king, listened to him and not to her.
Which is not right or fair at all.
But it's how things worked in that kingdom.
Anyway, the king said If she can spin all this straw into gold by morning, I will make you the richest miller in the kingdom.
But if she cannot, you will be proven a liar and I will hang you from your thumbs until you are dead.
With that, he took the miller by the arm, led him out of the room, and locked the door behind him.
Okay, I have a question for you.
What kills you if you are hanging by your thumbs until you die?
Like, what is it that kills you?
What is, in the end, what do you die from when you're hanging by your thumbs?
You die from starvation or something.
You think it's starvation?
What do you think?
Your blood flow kind of gets cut off.
You think your blood flow gets cut off and you die from lack of blood flow?
The nails, like, it goes through.
Oh, the nails.
It goes through your nails and that somehow kills you?
Like, goes through your fingers?
Yeah, like this.
What do you think? the nail gets inside of you.
Oh, and maybe you get like infected or something.
Those are awesome guesses.
The answer is, I have no idea how you die by hanging by your thumbs.
Those could all be right.
I have no idea.
The Miller's daughter looked at the straw and began to weep.
She was furious with her father and terrified for them both.
She wept, thinking of her father dying of getting infected or the circulation being cut off or starving while hanging from his thumbs.
I know.
I was just repeating what you said.
But then she stopped weeping because standing in front of her was a tiny man with spindly little legs, enormous eyes and a funny mashed-up looking face.
He said, Hello there.
Hello.
How do you do?
And she graciously curtsied, because it is always best to be polite to tiny magical men who appear out of nowhere.
Why are you crying?
If I don't spin all this straw into gold by morning, the king will hang my father by his thumbs until he dies.
Oh, that is a terrible way to die.
Do you know what kills you first?
Never mind.
You don't want to know.
Anyway, I can spin all this straw into gold for you by morning.
But it'll cost you.
What?
I'll give you anything.
I don't want much.
Just a lock of your hair.
Why would you want a lock of my hair?
In response, the tiny man started to sing.
I'm a strange little man with strange little ways.
And if you want to know my name, you'll be guessing for days.
I am clever.
I am tricky.
I am cunning.
I am wise.
Don't ask me any questions.
I won't tell you any lies.
That's a good rhyme.
Yeah, it's actually a pretty good rhyme.
You liked it?
Yeah, a little bit.
But she didn't want her father to die by hanging from his thumbs.
So she agreed.
The tiny man cut off a lock of her hair with a tiny pair of golden scissors, tucked the lock into a pocket of his vest, sat down at the spinning wheel and spun ten bales of straw into perfect thread of pure gold.
The next morning, the king opened the door to the little room.
To his shock and delight, the straw was gone, and now half the room was filled with golden thread.
The king was thrilled.
He said, Come with me.
He hurried the miller's daughter to another room, larger than the last, with twenty bales of straw.
Spin this straw into gold by morning, and your father will be rich, and you will be even richer.
But if you fail, I'll know that you've played a trick on me and your father will hang from his thumbs until he's dead.
The king closed and locked the door behind him.
The miller's daughter gathered up the straw and fed it through the spinning wheel, trying to do exactly what the tiny man had done the night before.
But try as she might, she could not spin straw into gold.
She began to weep again, both at the thought of her father dying by hanging from his thumbs and also at how angry she was that he had done this to them both.
But just then the tiny man appeared.
He offered to spin all the straw into gold in exchange for her fingernail clippings.
The miller's daughter was now completely creeped out.
Why do you want my fingernail clippings?
But the tiny man just replied, I'm a strange little man with strange little ways.
And if you want to know my name, you'll be guessing for days.
I am clever.
I am tricky.
I am cunning.
I am wise.
Don't ask me any questions.
I won't tell you any lies.
So the miller's daughter agreed.
The tiny man clipped her fingernails with tiny golden nail clippers.
It's just super gross, right?
Slid them into a pocket of his vest, sat down at the spinning wheel.
And spun 20 bales of straw into perfect gold thread.
The next morning the king came in, saw the golden thread and exclaimed What a remarkable girl you are.
Come with me!
So he hurried her into an enormous room.
When the miller's daughter saw it, her stomach felt all sick and twisty.
100 bales of straw were stacked from floor to ceiling.
I think the king is trying to use her just so he can get even more rich.
I mean, we're making him gold.
He's not going to make you rich.
He might just do it anyway because he wants to be rich too.
The miller's daughter looked at the straw stacked from floor to ceiling and said, I don't know.
But the king said, If you can spin this straw into gold by morning, I will take you as my wife.
You will rule as my equal, and I will never ask you to spin straw to gold again for as long as you live.
But if you fail, I will be forced to hang your father by his thumbs until he dies.
The king closed and locked the door behind him.
The miller's daughter didn't even try to spin the straw into gold, nor did she weep.
She just called, Tiny man?
Tiny man?
The tiny man was there.
He gazed at the straw in the room.
That is a lot of straw.
The miller's daughter asked, Can you do it?
I'll give you anything.
The tiny man thought for a moment.
Hmm.
I will spin all this straw into gold by morning in exchange for your firstborn child.
Well, this was far creepier than a lock of hair or fingernail clippings.
Why do you want my firstborn child?
Asked the miller's daughter.
But the man merely sang.
I'm a strange little man with strange little ways.
And if you want to know my name, you'll be guessing for days.
I am clever.
I am tricky.
I am cunning.
I am wise.
Don't ask me any questions.
I won't tell you any lies.
The miller's daughter begged the tiny man to take something else, but he refused.
It was her firstborn child or nothing.
At last, she agreed, and the tiny man cackled.
He spun all the straw into gold.
In the morning, the king came and opened the door.
Instead of straw, he saw endless spools of golden thread.
He shouted with wonder.
What a special girl you are!
Please, Miller's daughter, will you marry me?
I will never ask another thing of you again as long as you live.
You will rule this kingdom as my equal in all things.
What do you think?
Should she marry him?
No.
Would you?
You have a strong opinion about it.
Why shouldn't she marry the king?
Because he literally said that I'll hang your father from his thumbs until he dies if you don't make me bold.
Don't do something impossible.
Seems like not a nice dude.
I don't think she should marry him, because then she will have to give her firstborn child to that little man, and then the king will get mad at her.
Oh, that's a really good thought that she would totally get in trouble for giving away the firstborn child.
Also, guess what?
And then she might not have another child.
Yeah.
Okay, one more.
Uh-oh.
Um, I think that he shouldn't um, she shouldn't, marry him, because one you never know if he's lying.
Two, if you marry him, he might think, actually, She doesn't care about his father anymore.
I'll just kill him anyway.
Maybe.
And why would you marry a guy who's trying to force you?
Right, totally.
Well, let's see what the miller's daughter does.
The miller's daughter thought about the king's offer.
It would be nice to finally be her own boss, she thought.
If she was queen, no one could make her live up to their stupid boasts or force her to save someone's life by performing impossible tasks, or speak over her when she tried to tell the truth.
It sounded like a nice change.
So she agreed.
And they were married.
And it was a nice change.
The king was kind most of the time.
And when he wasn't, the miller's daughter could tell him off because she was his equal.
All went well until she had her first child.
A little baby girl.
The night after the girl was born, as the miller's daughter lay in her royal bed cradling the child in her arms, the tiny man appeared.
He demanded his due.
The miller's daughter was horrified.
She offered him all the riches in the kingdom if only he would let her keep the child.
But he would not be moved.
He insisted on taking the baby girl.
The miller's daughter began to weep deeper and harder than she'd ever wept in her life. she wept and wept and wept the tiny man saw this weeping and was moved fine if you can guess my name i will let you keep your daughter what that's a weird and arbitrary price for keeping my daughter to the miller miller's daughter you want the deal or not If you can guess my name in three days, I'll have no power over you or the baby.
But if you fail, she is mine and no power on earth can keep her from me.
What choice did the miller's daughter have?
Besides, how hard could guessing his name be?
So she asked... Can I start guessing now?
Sure.
Is it Tom?
No.
Bill?
No.
Bob?
No.
Fred?
No.
No.
She kept guessing for a long time.
But every name she guessed, the tiny man smiled and said, No.
Then he said, I'll come back tomorrow night and you can guess again.
And he disappeared.
The next day, the miller's daughter took her baby into her arms and went out around the kingdom asking for every name anyone had ever heard of.
The next night, the tiny man showed up, and the miller's daughter started guessing again.
Is it John?
No.
Mark?
No.
Mark wants to see?
No. mark with a Q?
What?
No.
Is it Fred?
You guessed Fred yesterday.
No matter how many times she tried, she couldn't guess his name.
The next day the miller's daughter consulted all the scholars of the kingdom and all their most ancient books.
She made an enormous list of names.
But that night went just as badly as the night before.
Is it Fritz?
No.
Murphy?
No.
Tiffany?
Girl's name.
It's not Tiffany.
Fred?
It's not Fred.
Do you guys want to guess some names?
Yeah.
All right, guess some names.
What do you think?
Rumpelstiltskin?
Okay, could be that.
What else?
Johanna.
Johanna?
I'll come back to you.
Joe Clipper.
Joe Clipper?
That's a good name.
Joe Clipper?
No-name dude.
No-name dude?
Freakish little guy with huge eyes who just appears out of nowhere.
That's a good name.
The third day, the miller's daughter felt the deepest despair.
She took her baby in her arms and wandered through her kingdom, not even bothering to ask for names.
What was the use?
Tonight, the tiny man would come and take her precious daughter.
She wandered farther and farther into the poorest neighborhoods of the kingdom among huddled shacks and men warming their hands over garbage fires.
And then, as the miller's daughter got out into the scrubby woods at the edge of her kingdom, she heard an odd but familiar song.
I'm a strange little man with strange little ways, and if you want to know my name, you'll be guessing for days.
So clever and so tricky that I always win, and no one knows my name is Rumpelstiltskin.
And she heard a mad cackling.
Can you all cackle at the top of your lungs?
That was creepy.
Well, the miller's daughter rushed back to the castle just as night fell.
She was lying in her bed, nursing her baby, when the tiny man appeared.
Today is the final day.
If you can't guess my name, your daughter is mine.
I think I know your name.
Oh, you think so?
The tiny man cackled.
And when the miller's daughter heard the cackle, She knew she was right.
Is it Eggleroy?
No.
Is it Godric?
No.
Is it Bumpy Nose?
No.
Is it Freakish Little Guy with Huge Eyes Who Just Appears Out of Nowhere?
No.
Is it Fred?
What is your obsession with the name Fred?
Fine.
Is it Rumpelstiltskin?
You scared me.
The tiny man was furious.
How did you learn that?
How did you know?
Now, there are a few different versions of the end of this story.
In some of them, Rumpelstiltskin gets so mad that he stamps his foot so hard he goes flying out the window, which doesn't make any sense.
In other versions of the story.
He stamps his foot so hard that he shatters into a thousand pieces, which makes even less sense, because people don't just shatter.
What really happened was that Rumpelstiltskin stamped his foot so hard that it got buried three feet in the ground.
Then he grabbed his other leg and pulled up on it with such force that he ripped himself in half.
Yes, really.
And the Miller's daughter lived happily ever after.
Oh, and she named her daughter Fred.
Probably.
The end.
Did she have a boyfriend named Fred or something?
So you know what's really funny?
What's the deal with the name Fred?
It wasn't that scary.
There was some suspense.
I noticed you guys feeling a little bit suspenseful.
It was suspenseful, but it wasn't scary.
But it definitely wasn't boring.
That's awesome.
And there was one gross part at the end.
No, that wasn't gross.
That's normal.
It was not gross when he ripped himself in half?
No.
It would have been more gross if, like, blood splattered.
That would be gross.
Introducing A is for Alfie, the first picture book from the award-winning Pinna series Quentin and Alfie's ABC Adventures.
Alfie thinks his name is a little weird, but with his babysitter Quentin, he discovers that every letter holds endless possibilities.
From A is for acrobat to E is for electrician.
Written by award-winning author Randy DuBerck and illustrated by Derek Brooks, this heartwarming, diverse read-aloud is perfect for kids three to six, guiding them through letters while helping them love who they are.
Pick up A is for Alfie wherever books are sold and start your ABC adventure on the page.
Patrick, let's go.
The clue is floating away in a hot air balloon.
Hey, sorry, this is kind of a bad time.
Claire and I just found a major clue and now it's airborne.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that the parents behind Law & Order have something brand new for families.
Our podcast, Patrick Picklebottom Everyday Mysteries.
Patrick, it's headed towards the water tower.
Gotta go.
Listen on Apple or wherever you get your podcasts.
Grim Grimmer Grimmest is a Pinna Original Production.
Created and written by me, Adam Gidwitz.
Author of A Tale Dark and Grim.
Produced and edited by Ilana Milner.
Casting and voice direction by Paula Gammon-Wilson.
Sound design and mixing by Beat Street NYC.
Location recording by Jason Gambrell and Evan Viola.
Narrated by me, Adam Gidwitz.
Special thanks to the staff and students at Brooklyn Friends School and Manhattan Country School.
You guys are amazing.
Far away on the high Caribbean seas roams a swashbuckling pigeon-loving, burrito-gobbling pirate who's well a bit different than the other pirates.
Whoa!
Bless my Brussels sprouts!
Introducing the new podcast Lightcatchers, Season 1, Bob the Bad Pirate.
Bob the Bad Pirate wasn't bad because he liked to hurt people or call other pirates' names like Petunia Pillow Pants.
Bob the Bad Pirate was bad because he just wasn't very good at being a pirate.
Shiver me tooters!
Listen now to Lightcatchers, wherever you get your podcasts, and learn more at BeALightcatcher.com.
Light up the lanterns and follow me.
