Have you ever been in an English conversation?
And you're not sure, but you think that the person you're speaking to is being rude.
Or you say something that's completely correct, it's grammatically correct, but the person seems suddenly offended, or they come off really cold.
In this lesson, I'm going to teach you 25 phrases that are rude even if they're grammatically correct, so that you can know if there are some red flags in the conversation, if somebody is annoyed or offended, or you can make sure that you don't accidentally say these phrases to a native speaker. to avoid the phrases in this lesson and if you want to learn more about this lesson and any of the lessons on my channel make sure to visit englishwithkayla.com and you can join my monthly membership there all right let's get started with this lesson let's say you're trying to decide with your friend or your co-worker what time you're gonna have lunch and you're making suggestions you're saying we could go at noon we could go at 12 30 if you're free we can go all the way at one o'clock and they say yeah whatever whatever Whatever, whatever.
Now this tone here.
It can come off as very casual, like okay, or it can be super dismissive and it can show that they're annoyed.
So think about this conversation.
Think about the tone of say, whatever, whatever.
You wanna be careful when you use this word in English.
I would pretty much avoid using this word as a response, even though it is a very natural thing to say as a native speaker myself, it comes off as rude or dismissive.
Instead of saying whatever, try out saying, okay, or I see, or whatever works.
That's another great phrase that we can use, especially in this same scenario where we're trying to decide something and we don't have a strong opinion or we don't really care.
We can say yeah, whatever works, whatever works, but don't just leave it to whatever, because that can come off as rude.
This next word or words is, They almost always make people angrier if you say, calm down or relax.
Calm down, calm down, calm down.
Relax, relax.
It is never calming to a person when you say this, or if somebody says this to you again, it can be really dismissive.
It makes you kind of angrier.
It doesn't make you relax or calm down.
Here are some alternatives that can help you not sound as rude or not offend someone.
So you could say, okay, let's take a moment and we'll decide this in a minute.
Or let's take a moment and we can come back to this.
This just means like, let's pause.
You're not acknowledging that you feel like the person's getting angry or worked up, but you're just pausing the conversation in order for them to actually calm down, without saying calm down.
This is my suggestion.
Or if you can tell that somebody is getting tense by the amount of work that they have or the amount of things that they have to do, you can try to ease their tenseness or get them to relax without saying relax or without saying calm down and saying it's okay, I can handle some of it.
Or it's okay, I can handle this.
So you're kind of assuring them, you're reassuring them and you're trying to take some of the work from them so that they are calming down or relaxing.
But again, let's avoid these two phrases because it always does not help.
Okay, if a native speaker ever tells you, that's not my problem, that's not my problem.
That's not my problem.
They're being pretty rude.
There's no empathy when you say this to someone.
Like if someone is asking for advice or asking for help or just asking a question in general and they say that's not my problem, it means they don't want to help you.
It's pretty rude to say to someone.
Instead, you could say, I'm not able to help right now.
Or you could say, I'm not the right person to ask.
This just means you don't have knowledge.
Or if you don't have time.
You know, it's kind of a way to push the person off without saying that's not my problem.
And if someone says this to you, make sure that you know they are being rude.
This next phrase, it might be very personal to me, but I think this phrase comes off as very rude.
When someone says, I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
Yeah, maybe they are trying to be flexible, but sometimes it's hard to tell.
If they're saying I don't care, it shows that they're disinterested in something that you are asking them or you are caring about.
So I try to avoid this phrase.
And when people say this to me, I, you know, acknowledge, hey, I care.
I'm asking for your opinion.
Please respond.
And this is especially in my personal life if someone says this to me.
Not so much in a professional workplace I wouldn't push this but my personal life.
If someone says I don't care, I say well, can you please respond, because I care.
Instead of saying, I don't care to someone, you might just say, you know, it's up to you.
Or you might say, I don't really have a strong opinion on this.
That's another great phrase.
That's not the same as I don't care, but it shows like you don't really want to weigh in, meaning give your opinion on the subject.
So try to avoid this phrase because it can come off as offensive, especially if you're talking to me.
This next phrase.
It really signals to you in a conversation that the person is getting kind of tense or irritated with you.
And the phrase comes off as really passive aggressive.
The phrase is do whatever you want.
Do whatever you want.
Do whatever you want, you want.
So I pictured this phrase.
As you know, usually if a couple is fighting, like a wife and husband, and they just don't agree on what they're supposed to do and they can't come to a compromise, one of the people might say we'll just do whatever you want.
It's really passive, aggressive.
They're saying to you do whatever you want, but they're meaning that you're doing what I don't want you to do.
So that's why this phrase, it's passive aggressive.
It's aggressive, even though it's not saying like, don't do that, but you're implying that.
If you use this phrase, be really careful.
Oh, do whatever you want.
It can technically be used in a more polite, friendly way, but I, as an alternative, would use the phrase oh, I trust your decision or I trust your judgment.
That's a really great English phrase as well.
I trust your judgment.
Your judgment means the way that you decide to do things, or if you have to make a decision in the moment.
I trust that you'll make the right decision.
I trust your judgment.
It's a way more polite and professional phrase.
In the workplace.
It can be especially frustrating when somebody keeps asking you the same question over and over and they can't remember how to do things and it just seems like they're not actually learning.
If you get irritated with them, don't use this next phrase.
Don't say, you should know that already.
You should already know what you'll find there.
Or if you hear someone say this to you in English, you can know that they are being rude and they're kind of shaming you.
They're being condescending.
Like, you should know that already.
It's like, I should, but I don't.
So I need help.
So instead of saying this phrase to someone, you should know that already.
If you're getting a little bit frustrated, maybe offer to give a brief explanation, meaning really quick.
Or you can say, let me explain that quickly, but we've gone over it before.
So this should just refresh your memory.
So a brief explanation, a quick explanation.
These are all phrases that are way better to use and more polite than just saying no.
You should know that already.
And the other phrase I used here was a refresher.
If I say, let me just give you a refresher.
I'm saying that I'm going to refresh your memory, meaning just giving you that same quick expression.
So this is a phrase that means a quick explanation of something that you already know.
Let me give you a refresher.
So this phrase?
It's polite, but it is implying like I've taught you this already or you know this already, without using that rude phrase.
Another phrase in English that's very rude and can come off, making just people feel stupid or small.
Is that's obvious?
That's obvious.
Obviously, that's obvious.
If someone tells you that's obvious, they are being rude.
They're trying to make you feel stupid like you just said something that everybody else knows.
Instead, just acknowledge it.
Yes, exactly, but...
You don't have to point out it was very obvious because that can come off as pretty rude.
In English, we talk a lot about speech softening.
So you know, not saying things that are so harsh or direct, because English speakers like to be less direct in order to be polite.
So instead of saying to someone, I don't have time for this or I don't have time to help.
I don't have time for this.
Offer, can we talk about this later?
Or I'm a little busy right now.
Can we pick this up later?
Whatever it is.
So just offering later, not being so dismissive or impatient.
One phrase in English that's probably rooted in every other language as well is just when you're being really accusatory to someone.
So you're accusing them of something or you're giving them all the accountability for a mistake.
Instead of saying, that's your fault. say, let's figure out what went wrong here.
Because usually when you're reviewing things, the person will realize that they made a mistake and hopefully apologize.
If I know it's my mistake, I try to apologize beforehand, take accountability.
But some people, you know, they don't like to take accountability right away.
So we'll see in this scenario what will happen.
But try not to be so blaming.
That's your fault.
It's all your mistake.
Because that can come off, again, as super rude.
In the workplace or a professional scenario you wouldn't want to say to someone.
Why would you do that?
Why would you do that?
Because it's just becoming really judgmental, the way that you're seeing it here.
Instead, try a more softened phrase like, can you walk me through your thinking?
Can you walk me through your thinking?
This is a really nice phrase.
It just means like, show me how you solved this problem or came up with this process.
Because...
I'm not understanding it.
It's not implying that you're being judgmental or you're calling them wrong or saying they did a bad job.
But if you say can you walk me through thinking, then you can point out where you think they may have made less than good decisions.
You know more bad decisions here.
Remove this phrase entirely from your vocabulary.
Do not say, no offense, but.
I mean, no offense, but.
When someone says no offense, but or I'm not trying to be mean, but it basically is saying they are going to be mean.
They are going to be offensive.
And honestly, it gets people really...
You know, they're already offended when you say this phrase.
So just remove this from your vocabulary and try to just give people constructive criticism.
So maybe use the sandwich method, where you give a compliment, then a criticism something they did wrong and another compliment, because then people won't feel so judged and they won't feel so defensive.
Another phrase that I would recommend you remove entirely from your vocabulary is honestly, or I'm just being honest.
Hey, I'm just being honest.
Because of course you should always be honest, but it's often used as an excuse for being rude.
I'm just being honest, but that shirt makes you look fat.
So of course you should be honest, But you shouldn't be so harsh or say something that will hurt someone.
So instead, in this very delicate scenario, I would say respectfully I think you can find a better shirt.
Or respectfully, that shirt isn't super flattering on you.
Maybe there's something else.
So again, it could still hurt the person's feelings, but it's not so harsh.
And it's not an excuse for being rude, like saying honestly or I'm just being honest saying something is stupid or idiotic is never okay.
It's never going to come off as polite.
So do not use these words in English, especially in a professional situation or if you're trying to be friendly with someone.
And the only reason I give this reminder is because one I'm telling my kids this all the time.
You can't say these words, but also adults still need this reminder in English.
So if you hear an adult say this to you, you know that they're being extra rude and you probably already know that.
But instead, you know, just say, I don't agree with that or I don't think that's the best idea.
You're wrong.
You're wrong.
Let's try phrases like, I'm seeing it a little differently, or from my perspective, I think this.
Because when you're just so direct and so confrontational, it comes off as rude.
You're wrong.
Don't say that.
If you've ever been in a new situation maybe a new class, a new workplace, a new group of friends and someone says that's not how we do things, it's not how we do things here.
It makes you feel very bad and it makes you feel kind of like an outsider.
So try not to say that's not how we do things.
Instead just say oh, here's how we usually handle this.
It comes off as way more professional and it's not like we're so superior and great.
It's like oh, this is what we usually do.
Another phrase which will tell you if somebody is annoyed with you is if they say I already told you.
I already told you.
I told you already.
A lot of times.
It is annoying to repeat yourself, of course, but by saying I already told you, you know, it's again really confrontational.
It's coming off as rude and annoyed.
But if you want to let the person know, like I've already told you this piece of information in a polite way, you might say oh, let me just repeat what I said before.
You have to do this, whatever it might be.
So, instead of just being so rude and so annoyed, try out a different phrase and saying I already told you.
Figure it out.
Figure it out.
Do not say this one.
It comes off as a very dismissive.
You can say, let me know if you need help.
And this kind of tells the person, you know, go do it.
But like, you have to let me know.
I'm not just going to help you.
So if someone says, just figure it out, you know that they don't really want to help you and they're being dismissive to your problem.
If you are ever talking to someone and they're working in a store or they're at a doctor's office or whatever it might be, and they might say that's not my job.
Baby, that's not my job.
This is a really rude phrase.
Phrase it's saying like I'm not going to help you, like I don't get paid to help you.
So this phrase, if somebody says it's you, it's rude.
And if you want to use an alternative phrase, like if you kind of have in your head like I shouldn't be doing this, that's not my job.
You might say, Oh, I'm not the person that handles us, you'll have to talk to someone else.
So just you know, soften your speech.
Don't be so harsh by saying, that's not my job.
It's important to be sensitive to people's feelings.
And if somebody says to you, you're being dramatic, you're being dramatic.
No, she wasn't.
You're so dramatic.
They're kind of invalidating your feelings.
You're saying your feelings aren't real.
Instead, if you want to acknowledge a person, you might say I see this matters to you or I see you're upset about this.
Don't tell them they're being dramatic.
Let's say you walk into a store or a restaurant and you order some food and you go to pay and you hand them your credit card or debit card and they say, can you read?
It says cash only.
Can you read?
This is such a rude phrase to say to someone, can you read?
Instead, it's like really sarcastic and rude.
It's basically saying like, you're so stupid, didn't you see that sign?
So instead, in case you would ever say this, you might say oh, I'm so sorry.
Like we have it written on the door, or whatever it might be.
You definitely wouldn't want to say, can't you read?
But now you know if someone says, can you read or can't you read?
It's said both ways.
Can't you read or can you read?
You know they are just trying to be rude and sarcastic.
Now you know 20 phrases that will help you identify if somebody's being rude to you.
And you can be careful not to use these 20 phrases and hopefully use the alternative phrases as well.
If you want this list and you want to learn more with me Kayla, as your teacher, make sure to visit my website.
I'll link it below.
It's englishwithkayla.com.
You can join my membership where I can be your teacher.
I can give you the lessons each week with a PDF and a quiz, and you have access to our community where I answer questions for you about the phrases and the concepts in my lesson.
Thank you again so much for watching.
Check out the next lesson on screen if you're in the mood to learn more English, and I'll see you there.
Goodbye.
