Hi, welcome back to Eat Your Cress Podcast. I'm Crystal. I'm G-Soo. And I'm Andy.
So this week we have my friend Andy on. And before we get to the topic, we of course have to discuss our Gen Z word of the week.
This week I've prepared a word that I think is pretty commonplace now. I think most people will have seen or heard of it.
And there's no root word because the root word is itself. So the word is slay.
I have two funny stories about slay. So first I'll explain the definition. So slay is supposed to mean kind of like, oh you killed it as in like you did great.
And I guess like the real definition is like you killed it. But like you like you know like you killed something right.
Recently G-Soo and I went on a girls trip with some of our other girlfriends. And we started kind of ironically using slay. Except we were using it more so the literal definition than the Gen Z definition.
So we were like that slayed me. That killed me you know. And then I think we got called out at the end of the trip. One of the girls posted something on Instagram. Her caption was like Austin slayed us.
And then her brother who is younger than her was like you use this word wrong. It's tragic.
Never before have I felt more boomer.
So you didn't help out with your resident TikTok knowledge and correct them like you just let crystals friend fall into the bus like that.
Okay, here's the thing. Let me explain myself. So slay has been such a common slang word. And I feel like usually if someone's wearing like a nice outfit, their dance was really cool or something. It's like, oh my god, yes, slay.
But I wanted to make it ironic and use like the real definition of it. And I was like, oh, people will get it because it's like kind of Gen Z word kind of not. So the whole Austin trip.
I was like actively feeding into the slay pandemic that we were going through. And I was like, yeah, like this is slaying me, this slayed me, whatever, whatever. And then I was actually the one who suggested the Austin slayed us caption.
Because I was so deep into the irony of it. And later I was like, fuck, we actually look like boomers who don't know what the slay is. I was like, no one's going to know it's ironic because they don't they weren't there, you know.
It's okay. She's vindicated now. All listeners of your pod will know.
That's true. They'll know if they ever see that post.
So I actually have another funny story about this word. It is once again a reference to the word way ahead of its time. So if you guys remember the show pretty little Liars.
And he's like never watched it. I'm sorry.
Well, I feel like pretty little Liars was pretty big in high school. So in season five, episode 12, which happened around 2014, 2015 time. There's a line that one of the characters says he says your software slays by the way.
Wait, so not only was it way ahead of its time, it was like a software engineer. That's so interesting.
Actually, when it first happened, there were like so many comments that were like, what the fuck is this dude saying? This is hella goofy of him to say your software slays.
And now there's like clips of it on YouTube. And the comments are like, holy shit dude. This is like so ahead of its time. This guy knew like what the fuck.
Damn, is that what jump started the whole slay pandemic? The pretty little Liars season five of so 12. It could be.
I can't ever imagine young people picking up something that a software engineer says.
Yeah, that's what I think is cool. That's what I want to emulate. Maybe it was just so jarring that it like got stuck in their head, but later they didn't realize where it came from. And then they just started using it.
I feel like also there's a lot of crossover between software engineers and the gaming world and stuff like any sort of twitch emo could kind of, you know, I can kind of see that stemming from some engineer starting something.
And then it's spiraling into a big meme. So if you were not giving them enough credit, what if they're actually the Gen Z slaying experts.
Wait, true. But I have to wonder the people who came up with slay are probably younger than pretty little Liars or well not younger than the show itself.
But like pretty little Liars might have been a little bit before their time. Maybe they didn't start the slay.
The slay dynamic. The top urban dictionary post about slay is from 2013. Maybe it is kind of around that time where people sort of started saying it.
And then it just got bigger and bigger over the years. Right. I feel like it really caught on towards the past couple of years. Maybe even more so like this past year.
At least for me, that's when I started hearing it more. But maybe that's because Jesus started using it.
Do you two use it other than unironically because personally I have never really used it and it's like actual intended Gen Z definition.
I guess it's mostly ironic for me. I think I really only use it to say that something is destroying me and or other people.
I think I've only used it ironically to blend in with other people who are saying it.
And you know the people in my life who say it are pretty much Jesus. So people AKA this one person.
So like that Austin girls trip. I was like, okay, I have to blend in. I'll use the word slay with everyone.
It is a little crazy because I'm still like clicking through Urban Dictionary. There's an entry from 2003 that says slay can either mean to kill or it means something's really good.
And then the example sentence is like, dude, that new album fucking slaves. But it's so funny because this definition or this entry has hella down votes.
Oh my god. I feel like this person is truly ahead of their time and everyone's like, this isn't real slaying. I don't like this. I'm sure whatever.
Interesting. 20 years ago. That's like before Gen Z people were even born.
Wait, actually, holy crap. Also, for some reason when you say that, like, oh, this album slaves, that sounds kind of normal.
It does. You know, like in comparison to someone being like, oh my god, yes, like girl, you, wait, fuck, I can't even use the word.
Girl, you slayed me.
Shit.
But like, you know, someone being like, oh, my god, yes, slay versus, oh, this album slaves.
This album slaves feels kind of more like normal and less Gen Z.
But then they're like, yes, slay, like no sentence structure. That one sounds like Gen Z.
I feel that. I agree with that, actually. Just saying slay or girl slay.
Dude, I cannot say that without something. It's so bad. But that, that's definitely like the Gen Z usage of it, I think.
Maybe what makes it super Gen Z is no sentence structure. Oh, poor grammar.
Because they're not done school yet.
Sorry, what does that mean? Just lost your whole Gen Z listener base.
You know, if you think back to all the Gen Z words we've talked about, I'm pretty sure most of them were like, oh, this word just transcends grammar.
That's true.
I think that's the secret, the key ingredient to Gen Z slaying. Grammar lists.
Yeah.
You either sound really cool or if you get it wrong, you just sound like way more dumb.
Exactly. So anyways, I think the topic of today's episode slays because we wanted to talk about the whole experience of living in a new state.
You know, this can be a common experience for a lot of people either moving to college, could be in a new state or even afterwards your first job might be in a new state.
But Andy today has actually lived in a new state where not a lot of people that we know move to.
So we're excited to have him on to talk about his experience living in New Mexico.
So Andy, let's start with why you initially decided to move to New Mexico.
Yeah. So the reason behind that is honestly like a huge can of worms.
I could take up your whole podcast with like why?
But basically I was in grad school and I was trying to do a PhD, but I like just sucked ass doing the fucking PhD.
So I was super depressed and you have to take a qualification exam to get accepted into the PhD program.
So I failed and I was like, yeah, I don't think this is the life for me.
You can re up and try it again, but I was like, yeah, I think I'm just gonna dip because I fucking hate grad school.
So at the time my research was being sponsored by this company called Sandia National Lab,
which if you are a deep breaking bad fan, some deep lore is that Walter White used to work at Sandia before he became like a crazy math producer.
And a teacher.
Yeah, my bad.
My bad.
Also in addition to like just feeling really like low self confidence and stuff, it was also like the beginning of the pandemic 2020 is when I graduated with my masters.
And so nobody was hiring and it was such a grind to like do the whole application thing and get rejected because nobody's hiring and just feel even worse.
Sandia was like, we'll hire you.
We like you.
We like working with you.
I was working with this guy called Dawn who would later become my direct manager at Sandia.
And I really liked him.
He was super chill like Ray Vibes.
So I was like, fuck it.
Like, fucking ship that thing.
That's good in New Mexico. And I mean, it wasn't an easy decision because my family's not there and at the time I had just started dating somebody in Illinois with the expectation that I was kind of going to be there for multiple more years doing my PhD.
And so it was kind of like the only lifeline that I had in a tough time.
So I knew that it wouldn't be a long term thing.
I knew that I was only going to be there like to get my first job to kind of get back on track with my life.
But yeah, I was like, let's do it.
Wow. That must have been pretty scary.
Like, oh shit.
I have no other choice but to do this.
But like, I have to do this kind of.
Yeah, it was definitely really scary and like leaving everybody behind was tough.
At the same time, I feel like it was pretty exciting.
I mean, like everyone moves to New York or like people from Illinois where I was going to school like moved to California for the first time.
But like no one moves to New Mexico.
So I was like, I don't know. It's pretty like unique.
But I also remember like when I met my ex's parents for the first time.
They were like, I think they were so disappointed.
Oh, no.
They were like, so did you like apply to a lot of other places?
And I was like, really?
They're like, oh, so our daughter is like going to be dating this guy who's just like,
shipping off to the middle of nowhere.
Yep.
Hey, at least you had a job.
That's true.
Yeah.
That's, I mean, that's already a pretty solid base to have a paying job.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's true.
They were expecting too much.
Exactly.
So what were some of the things that you actually knew about New Mexico,
whether it's like bits and pieces of trivia or anything like that before you went to move there?
Basically nothing.
I had watched Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul, like the parts of it that were out at the time.
So literally that's the only thing I knew about it.
I knew I was moving to a city called Albuquerque.
I knew that Weird Al had made a song about it.
I later learned that like it's kind of in Looney Tunes as well.
Like the writer of Looney Tunes was, I think from there.
So Bugs Bunny will often say, like, should have made that left turn at Albuquerque, I think.
So that's like a before our time reference.
But like honestly going in kind of like the last month before I moved there,
that was all I knew about it.
And the fact that like my work was there.
Yeah.
Pretty much it honestly.
Did you have dreams of becoming like Walter, wait what's his name?
Walter White.
Honestly, I mean he made a lot of money.
You're like, if something goes as a skew,
at least I have Breaking Bad as a template of what I can do in New Mexico.
Yeah, exactly.
So I guess not knowing much about the state itself
and the city that you're moving to,
how do you kind of approach like, okay, this is where I should live.
These are the good areas, these are maybe areas I want to stay out from.
And things like that.
Where was most of your research done?
I mean, I actually feel like it wasn't super different than like I just moved to SF.
And it's pretty much the same thing.
Like you Google it, you Google the different neighborhoods.
Like you read blogs and stuff.
And Reddit was like a really good resource.
Like people always ask that question on like the city subreddits.
They just break down the neighborhoods.
The thing about Albuquerque that actually makes it easy is it's not really like a big metro.
You don't actually have that many choices.
There's really only like two kind of more fun or happening areas.
Like there is downtown.
And then there's this area that I picked, which is called Knob Hill,
which is named after the SF Knob Hill.
Everything other than that is like more, I guess like sprawly or suburbany.
So it's just not as fun.
And like honestly some of my coworkers that got hired after me,
like also similar age range.
Some of them settled down in those areas.
And I was kind of like, couldn't be me honestly.
Because like, I don't know anyone here, right?
I have to be able to like be able to make friends just by walking outside or like being around other.
Like I can't be around just like 40-year-old people with dogs and a kid.
Like it's not going to work.
That's fair. I really thought you were about to be like,
wow, that could totally be me.
Oh, by me too.
Not at that stage of my life.
But I feel like, I mean, Crystal, you moved to New York City, right?
I feel like there's just so many choices of where you could live there.
That's true.
But also I think New York is a little different because you have like,
at least we, I feel like, have a lot of friends who are like from college
or high school or whatever who currently live there.
So it's easy to be like, hey, where should I live?
And then just like, flashing onto them for help in the first like few months
as you find your way in the city.
And as we've mentioned before on the pod, I lived with our good friend, Obanov.
He did most of the work.
He was like, Crystal, I want to live in East Village.
And I was like, okay, sounds good.
I know nothing about New York.
So I trust you.
Just tell me where to look on Street Easy.
Yeah.
So I think that was like definitely a big help that I realized later in hindsight.
I was like, oh wow, like if I had moved here all by myself, I'm sure I would manage.
But it was just a lot smoother having like a trustworthy friend who like knew the city a bit
and could take charge for like some of the things that I had no idea what was going on.
For sure.
I think that makes sense.
And even if you don't have friends that currently live in the New City that you're moving to,
I feel like what also helps is knowing someone who had lived there previously.
And then they can kind of teach you the ropes or the ins and out of the city.
Not that every city is like that vastly different.
But I think there's a sense of comfort that you can source from having someone else's blueprint or like footsteps to kind of reference.
So I imagine that moving to New Mexico and not knowing a ton of people who had lived there previously or currently could feel kind of emotionally slightly scarier,
slash more exciting for someone new.
Yeah, I mean, that's like spot on, right?
Like I had gone out of state for college.
I went to Illinois in Urbana, Champaign for college.
But like, you know, people had been going there from our high school and like there were a number of other people going there from our high school too,
like in our year.
And plus like it's college.
Like everyone's moving in at the same time.
There's like a million guides.
I mean, you just go to a dorm and like figure it out, right?
But moving to New Mexico was like, I literally do not know a single person in the whole state.
And I have never, I've not known a single person who has ever even lived there.
Like I don't even know if I knew anyone that had like visited there before, like going there.
So that was like, I mean, that was definitely really scary.
And like, yeah, even all this stuff about like, I've narrowed it down to this neighborhood.
But how do I know whether the apartment is good or not, especially since it's fucking far away.
Okay, wait, I can't just go and like tour it and check it out.
Like I kind of just have to like lock in and just hope that it's good.
And then even stuff like furniture, I have to furnish this apartment from scratch.
And I don't have, I don't know anybody there.
Like I can't just be like, hey, you're throwing anything away.
Or like, I don't know where did you get it from.
I was just like trying to figure it out and like carrying heavy shit into my second floor apartment.
Like one day I was like, I actually just had to rent a U-Haul by myself.
Cause like, I organized like three pickups at once on Craigslist.
And I was like, okay, I got to get a dresser.
I got to get like a kitchen table.
I got to get like something else.
So I was like, carting around the city and like going back to my apartment.
And it was like carrying this big-ass dresser up to like my apartment.
So I mean, those things are definitely, they were daunting going in.
And it was also hard like doing it in the moment as well, I think.
Right. Cause you have like no friends.
You can just call on and be like, yo, can you help me move this heavy-ass dresser tomorrow?
Exactly. I didn't know like anybody at all.
Yeah.
Dude, I was just also thinking when you're saying like for people, you know,
maybe selling or throwing away furniture.
One of the easiest ways is to like see if you can join a college Facebook group or something.
But then I was thinking about, I was like, I don't even know if there's colleges like in Albuquerque.
There is. There's UNM.
It was about two miles away from me.
And here's a fun fact. Here's a plug for those of you thinking about having kids.
New Mexico just made in-state college tuition free.
Oh.
Completely free for all state schools.
Why that's crazy.
You got a teenager moved to Albuquerque.
Get your in-state press.
Yeah.
Save some money.
That's not crazy.
That's not crazy.
And childcare is also free.
Just they just signed that bill too.
Dude.
So we have a young kid.
Move there. Get free childcare.
Get free college.
Wait, I'm convinced what?
Yeah, is New Mexico the sweet end of the United States?
It's actually kind of crazy.
And maybe I shouldn't go too much into this.
But like, I kind of fell in love with it.
And there's a lot of really cool things about it.
But it's also, it's a weird dichotomy because it's like fucking 49th or 50th.
And like economy education.
Oh my god.
Poverty, healthcare.
It's like dead last.
Oh my god.
But they do have some good measures.
Interesting.
Interesting.
New Mexico.
Lowkey doesn't even sound real.
Like it just sounds like a figment of your imagination kind of.
Wait, so the cool thing about New Mexico, and I'm going to drop some lore on you.
I actually just learned this this week.
The name New Mexico.
A lot of people think it's called that because it used to be part of Mexico
when they became independent from Spain.
But I recently learned that the name is even deeper than that.
So like back when there were Aztecs,
they were also called like the Mexico or like maybe there were,
those were two different tribes in the same place or whatever.
There was a city called like New Mexico basically.
Oh my god.
That was like a like a mythical city.
Oh my god.
One of the seven cities of gold or so shit.
So that's actually where the name comes from.
So New Mexico is a mythical state.
It's actually a mythical state.
Oh my god.
It's actually not real.
Wait, not going to lie.
And I'm exposing myself here.
But I like don't even know where in the US.
I know generally the area of I have no idea like which state it's next to.
It's right in between Arizona and Texas.
Oh, okay.
So that's another thing.
Everyone who I've told that I'm in New Mexico.
The first thing they always ask me is,
so how's Arizona?
And I'm like, I don't live in Arizona.
I've never lived in Arizona.
Oh, okay.
No, for some reason in my mind,
I thought it was actually east of Texas.
But then when I think about it, I'm like, wait, no, that's wrong.
And then I was like, where is New Mexico?
I mean, valid, valid, like no one knows.
I think the only time I've been to New Mexico is like,
there's that four corners area, I think,
in like the southwest states where you can stand on one spot
and you're in like four states at a time.
I think that was like the one time I was in New Mexico.
And I was on that corner spot.
You're on the edge of New Mexico.
Hey, but I was on New Mexico.
You're like the first person I met from the Bay Area
who's actually visited New Mexico before.
Oh, really?
Before I went there.
Yeah.
Do you think New Mexico is worth visiting?
I think it is.
Okay.
I'm basically like a rep for the New Mexico Department of Tourism
or whatever.
I loved my time there.
And I think it's really cool.
So here's another plug.
Like, basically, New Mexico is a lot of wilderness.
A fun fact about it is that in terms of area,
it's basically the size of Germany.
Okay.
But Germany has like over 80 million people.
And New Mexico has two million people.
Oh, wow.
So it's like there's a whole lot of nothing.
Yeah.
In fact, here's another fun fact.
There's more cattle than people.
Wow.
Which is fucking insane.
There's more than two million cattle in New Mexico.
Yeah.
But as a result, like the wilderness is like really,
really beautiful.
And like,
Albuquerque is at like 5,000 feet elevation.
But we had these mountains called the sandias
that are like,
they go up to like over 10,000 feet.
And that's like right in the city.
So like, even just there, you can do a lot of hiking.
But there's a ton of other mountains.
There's like a lot of like forests.
And just really beautiful areas.
There's two national parks.
There's white sands and Carlsbad cabins
that are really worth visiting.
And then the other cool thing is that like,
the Native American population has like,
really been preserved in cultures.
And it's like,
they were never conquered unlike other places.
So like,
a lot of them still live in like their ancestral lands.
And they've been able to preserve
a lot of things.
So like,
I think there's a lot of like,
really cool culture.
Even if they're not there anymore,
there's a lot of like,
archaeological sites
that are super interesting to visit.
So I'm 100% a proponent of visiting like,
spend like three days or a week there.
Santa Fe also has like,
hot springs and stuff.
It's pretty well known.
So,
oh, and then one last thing about Albuquerque
is that it's,
it hosts the annual balloon fiesta.
So my boss described it as like,
Albuquerque had nothing going for it.
So they're like,
fuck it. Let's just be known for like,
hot air balloons.
Wait, that's kind of cool.
Let's just pick something.
They have set the record for like,
the most simultaneous ascension of balloons.
Oh, wow.
It used to be over a thousand.
Uh-huh.
But they've capped it at like 750
for like safety reasons.
Right.
But still like,
sometimes it gets cancelled for a win
and what it weather.
But like,
I was able to go and witness the mass ascension one time.
And it's honestly like,
breathtaking,
seeing like,
so many balloons in the sky at once.
So,
that's always really fun.
Okay, wait,
this is great information
because I was actually thinking of like,
I wanted to
ride a hot air balloon this year.
And I was like,
looking at where I could do that,
California in general,
it's like really expensive.
They're like specific spots,
like Napa,
which is already expensive in itself.
So I was like,
wait, this is like,
super expensive.
I don't know if it's worth it.
But now that I know,
I can just fly to New Mexico.
And I'm sure it's a little cheaper there than the Bay.
How much was it in Napa?
Dude,
it was something insane,
like a couple hundred
for like one person
or something like that.
Oh,
it's not that much cheaper in Albuquerque.
I hate to burst your bubble.
Well,
at least I'll get to see a new state.
True.
True.
True.
I'll get to see the ascension.
Yes.
Which will make the money feel a little more worth it.
So I guess with all the nature surrounding you
and kind of all of these cool, new
and different cultural things of the state that you probably weren't exposed
in California or Illinois,
what did you like weekends consist of?
Well, it's weird
because like after COVID kind of,
you know, we got vaccines and stuff,
I actually traveled a lot.
So I was out of town a lot,
just seeing friends
and a lot of weddings
were coming back to visit
like my family
or my ex at the time
because she was living in the bay.
So that was actually a big part of it.
But I would say when I was there,
a couple of things that I really got into,
well, I played a lot of ultimate frisbee out there.
The scenes really nice.
There's a lot of pickup games and stuff.
So that was like a big part of it.
And then also hiking is definitely a huge part of culture.
So I like doing things on myself
and also I didn't have like a ton of friends.
I really got into like solo hiking.
Like I said, there was that big mountain
the sandia is like right.
Like it was like a 20-minute drive from me.
And it's a huge,
like you could do a huge hike there.
And then also just being able to like,
kind of day trip to other parts of the state as well.
Probably one of my favorite things to do is just like,
go for a hike, come back,
and there's a ton of breweries too.
So I would just like go to a brewery
and like have a pint or something.
That was like a super relaxing way
to spend like a Saturday.
But honestly, that makes myself some way better
than I actually am.
Because I also just fucking sound the couch and watch a lot of TV.
I mean, that's completely acceptable too.
Yeah, that has nothing to do with New Mexico.
But I did it a lot.
As I'm sure many of us have as well.
So that means that when you were living in New Mexico,
the whole time it was just by yourself.
Yeah, I lived by myself both years.
I stayed in the same place.
I actually kind of like where my apartment was and everything.
But I was able to like kind of make inroads
and build some communities there.
And it's interesting like,
because I was just listening to your episode about like friendships
in different places.
And it was really fitting because the point about like,
even if you don't have friends for life,
you know, the friendship can end.
But still knowing that you like positively impacted them
or they positively influence you or different things like that.
I think that was like the mentality that I approached friendships with.
Knowing that I was going to leave and knowing that
these are not going to be like the same lifelong friends
probably that I had like in high school or college.
Just trying to make the most out of it.
I mean, it's easy to be like, why try?
I think I had that mentality a lot.
But I was trying to fight that.
Like, okay, just go out there and try to meet people
or try to like build as good of a connection as you can
before you leave.
Yeah, I think that's pretty admirable.
Because also I feel like it's super easy to be like,
oh, I moved to a place that I never even wanted to move to
in the beginning.
And I just basically had to move there.
So I hate it.
And like, I hate everything about it.
But when we asked you earlier, you're like, you know,
I love New Mexico.
Like, this is why you guys should visit VolvaVlaw,
which is just like a really uplifting thing to kind of see
that it's like you made the best out of your situation.
And you are able to ultimately have a pretty good time.
I totally agree.
Because I think it takes a certain level of courage
to like allow yourself to feel new in a new place
and then also allow yourself to enjoy the things that are there.
I feel like the instinct to be like, yeah, fuck this place.
I'm only here for whatever.
Anyway, is almost natural in a sense
because it's like emotionally the easiest thing to do.
It's like, I'm rejecting this location rather than
this location is rejecting me.
So I think it's really cool that you jumped in.
And I'm a little curious of how the process even works
of trying to make new friends
if maybe the only resources you initially had
were probably more like co-workers.
It was not easy, honestly.
Especially since like when I moved there,
COVID was really bad.
So I moved there in the end of 2020,
like around October, November.
And honestly, when I look back up until like around February
March of 2021, I have no idea what the fuck I did.
Honestly, it's just like blacked out.
Like I know that I had visited home
like during like winter kind of break.
Like we had a shutdown.
And I know that one of my best friends, David,
came to visit me in Albuquerque.
Other than that, like I'm like, dude, what did I even do?
Because I didn't know anybody.
I didn't have any ways of making friends at that time.
I just, I think I just went to work
and then just like sat on my couch, watch TV, honestly.
Like that's all I did every day.
So that was really, really hard.
But I think like once things started opening up,
I can think of like a few ways that like I started to make friends.
One was definitely work, especially as my team was like hiring.
So we did hire like a few people that were like closer to my age as well.
And so I actually like started organizing happy hours at my work.
Like once the COVID levels came down and like we were allowed to like go back
to the office and stuff.
So that was so nice, like seeing my coworkers.
First of all, in person at all.
And then second of all, like in a not work setting.
So then after that, there was another guy who had joined like his name was Dalton.
And he was really social.
So like after the happy hours, he started having like different groups of people
over to his, his house.
Nice.
So that kind of picked up some other areas that I made friends were like playing
ultimate, like getting to know the people in the community.
And that was really nice since like after having been there for like a couple years.
I could tell that like people were kind of sad that I was leaving.
Not in the sense that like I'm sure after a few months or whatever they just forget.
I mean, that's just life right?
Yeah.
In the moment like I could tell like people were like, oh shit, like you're actually leaving.
And it's nice to feel like you've become a part of a community.
Right.
And it's weird because they weren't people that I would hang out with after.
It's just like you show up to a pickup game and then you hang out with them when you're there.
And then you just go home.
But like even just seeing people out of regular cadence and getting to know them
and chatting about like their kids or the life or whatever at that time was nice.
I joined a church there.
So that was nice.
I would go occasionally like maybe over the every other week or something.
I would go and that was kind of the same vibe where I never got to know people like too well or too deeply.
But I could also tell that I become a member of the community.
And then there are people that were definitely sad when I left.
And some people had texted me to reach out as well.
But I think like probably the most interesting way that I made friends was way more organic than any of those things.
So it kind of just happened.
So it's around the time that like I kind of emerged from that shell of like those really dark months.
I think it's around like February of March of the next year.
So like I started playing basketball.
And unlike Crystal like I never played basketball for.
So basketball was always really intimidating because you got a fucking dribble.
And you got a shoot.
Like it's so hard.
There's no, I don't know.
There's no easy things.
I feel like in basketball that you could just get in the game and do.
So like I always avoided it because I'm like I don't want to do something that I suck at.
Right.
So.
But then I lived like right next to this park.
So I was like, okay, this is my chance.
Like no one's here.
Like no one's going to watch me be a complete ass at basketball.
Like I literally didn't know how to dribble.
I didn't know how to like do a layup.
My goals were like learn how to dribble.
Like learn how to do a layup and learn how to shoot a free throw.
Very basic goals.
Pretty good goals.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So by being at that park, I met this woman called Sherry who is very outgoing.
But I laid she's like in her like late 30s or 40s or something like that.
But I later found out that she's like absolutely batshit insane.
Oh my god.
But she kind of did help introduce me to some other people at the park,
including a couple of my neighbors who are really interesting.
They were like professional MMA fighters.
Whoa.
You can look them up.
There's a guy called Kyle Powell and his wife is Josie Storz.
Josie's kind of a fucking badass.
I've seen her fight.
She's really vicious.
Oh shit.
It's really scary.
And then she introduced me to this guy called Ross, who was a student at UNM PhD student.
And so me and Ross kind of hit it off and he introduced me to some other people
in his program and different things.
And so like we started hanging out more, going to breweries, going to like pub trivia and stuff like that.
People would have each other over at their places.
So like I would say that was probably like my most organic way of meeting friends.
It's funny because like Sherry is so batshit crazy that like I don't know.
It's probably way too much for this pod.
But like there's so many times a story that were just like flipping her shit and like burning bridges.
Oh my god.
Yeah, it's really weird anyways.
That's beyond the point.
That's really cool.
I mean, okay, I will also say I've played basketball back in junior high, but it's still intimidating to me.
It's a high skill level sport that feels pretty daunting all the time, I think.
But that is so cool that like you just met this crazy woman who ended up introducing you to people.
I guess before she burned bridges.
Yeah.
It's funny because she's burned like bridges with all the people including me that she introduced me to.
I don't know how she does it.
Wow.
Yeah.
I mean, literally when you're explaining this story in my mind, I'm just like, holy shit.
This just feels like some sort of like TV show or like sitcom maybe where just like some random connection just keeps going.
And eventually you find friends that you're like, oh yeah, like this is good.
We're friends now.
I think like in some ways it was really good and it does sound like really good on paper too.
At the same time, I think it was still really hard because they were different than like my college friends who like you hang out with all the time.
Or even like high school friends that have like been slowly reconnecting with now.
Because we just weren't that close.
And I have a lot of social anxiety about like inviting people to things or like feeling like I'm asking more.
You know what I mean?
Like, just feel like I'm putting myself out there too much.
So there were weeks that were like really lonely.
Like there were weeks where like I didn't see too many people outside of pre-planned things.
Fridays were kind of lonely like people were like doing their own thing and I'd be like, fuck like I got nothing to do.
Like I guess I'm just gonna watch TV.
In some ways like when I look back I'm like really happy.
I'm really proud of myself for having done that.
But like it's not to say that it was great.
There were times that it was really really hard and I would get really depressed and feel really lonely.
So was your comfort show the office?
The office is one of my comfort shows.
I still love community. I watch it a lot.
When I got there I was like I got a rewatch break.
I haven't watched that.
I got to immerse myself in a culture.
Do you think that there are certain skills I guess related to your social life that you developed specifically from your time in New Mexico
that you still carry on to this day?
That's a really good question.
I honestly feel like the answer is no.
Like everything went out the window because you're like, oh I actually have friends here.
Yeah I mean I don't know if I got any skills.
I just feel like I had to survive.
And if you know me like I'm first of all a fucking way.
Second of all I'm actually really shy.
It's really hard for me to like meet people.
I feel like when I go into a new environment where I don't know anybody I'm usually like really closed off.
I'm kind of scared of, I don't know what I'm scared of to be honest.
Social interaction.
Yeah but I don't know if like on a meta level I'm scared of like being let down or people not liking me.
But like it's hard for me to like break out and just be comfortable around like all new people in the way that you can actually make friends.
Right.
So I kind of sadly feel like I have it.
So maybe you think you haven't because you've been with yourself the whole time.
So like it's harder for you to see your own growth.
But someone from the outside could maybe be like wow Andy is like more confident now.
That's really wise.
That's actually really wise. That's a good point.
Actually that's true because when I think about it we became friends recently.
And I think like in high school at a hard time feeling like I should be friends with people that I had a lot of opportunities to meet but I didn't.
Yeah like throughout high school we were more adjacent friends kind of.
Yes.
The friends is maybe generous in the description.
That's a good analysis though when you said like you weren't sure what you were afraid of if it was like something beyond just friendship.
Like something further along the line you know like feeling like you were let down or like feeling you are enough or something of that sort.
That kind of made me think about like my own fears of meeting new people.
I think I could relate to it's like on the surface you're kind of just like oh yeah I'm scared it's like a new person.
But there's like this whole journey that you would go through with like these new people if you really became friends.
Maybe like one of the fears is you reach out to ask them to hang out and they just ignore you when you're like but I thought we like had great conversation you know.
Yeah I can relate to that too for sure.
I feel it more physically at first it's just like general physical fear and anxiety in new social situations and then later I'm like I don't know what is happening up here.
I'm like causing everything down here you know like why am I sweating in this office meeting right now.
No not the office.
Do you feel like during this time you kind of like craved human interaction while also fearing it though.
Oh absolutely yeah just yes yes on like on a lot of levels like it's it's weird because I do feel like I found out I was more introverted than I thought.
Because in college I'd like always live with people and then in fact like for the last two years of being in Illinois when I was in grad school I lived in a house with like at least like five people at all times.
And there were some of my best friends so like that was nice but when I was living by myself I was like honestly I kind of love this.
Yeah at least for a limited amount of time I think it's hard to do it for a really long time but I was like I love this.
I love not having to talk to people sometimes I just come home and like you dinner and just send a couch it's kind of great.
But in the back of my mind I think always yes I wished that I had my close friends around me or I wish that I could somehow become closer with the people that I had been making friends with I wish that like maybe some of those like ultimate friends with like we could hang out afterwards in another context just like more organically or casually.
I wish that like on Fridays and Saturdays like maybe I would just have more regular plans with people like to see people right like people would include me in whatever they're doing at those times so yeah I mean in a large way I really missed feeling like I was always accepted or wanted in a group of people in a way that like I had that I felt like I had that for sure in college but then going to like this new place.
It never felt 100% like I know for a fact that these people want to hang out with me like they want my company all the time so yeah I think I can completely understand that perspective because I'm also just thinking about like kind of in comparison when I was in New York I did me a lot of new people but a huge like help to that was that the new people that I met I met through like a mutual friend.
So then there was already kind of like a safety net of like trust and I don't know I guess like almost predetermined like social acceptance in that sense where it's like oh yeah like your my good friends friend so it's easy for me to trust you in a sense and like invite you to things and like build up this rapport with you quicker versus like just meeting complete strangers.
I'm sure it's like oh well you seem cool but like I don't know how to break that ice to like bring this friendship to the next level essentially.
That's a really good point too because as you are saying that I also realized when you're in a new city and you don't know anyone and everyone you meet is like a complete stranger pretty much until they're your friend.
You also kind of have to do the vetting all by yourself and like trust your gut with it too you might not know whether this person is a good fit or not or can relate to you on certain things unless you talk to them about it.
And I think for a lot of people like I think Jin mentioned that that was that discovery process was one of his favorite things about forming new friendships but maybe someone who tends to be more anxious like me that could be a little scary of like oh there's all this context that we need to establish both for.
Their past lives or whatever and also for mine what lives at the end of this like context building that has to go so deep like sometimes people are just hang out bodies but I think that for me personally would kind of be like a blocker to emotional intimacy at least for a while.
Yeah that's super true actually that makes me think like when you talk about like emotional intimacy like I feel like maybe that is one of the areas where I've grown is like learning how to be like vulnerable with people that are just brand new that I don't have even like a mutual friend for context but just like meeting them out of the blue.
Because I feel like that's kind of when people are like open with each other about like their emotions or like just things that are outside of the daily in life that's when you're like okay we can access a deeper level of friendship right like you chose into share something that's like vulnerable with me and but I feel like when you're just meeting a lot of people for the first time it's really hard to do that but at the same time you can't really progress your friendship past a certain point unless you choose to do that.
But then like yeah jeez who's point about like betting people that's like super true as well because like for example that shit crazy like she was one of the first people I met so I was like oh like I should be open with her about things I don't know if I regret it in the sense that she's gonna like ever use it against me like she's not right but like I need to tell her all these things like just became crazy like fucking bird bridges with me so like that was not I did not bet it but at the time I was just like I need to.
I need to make friends with anybody so like let me just try and like be open with this person that I'm meeting for the first time so right yeah you're like oh shit maybe not this one actually.
So I think that's really hard it's like a hard line to draw like how do you know when to like pull the trigger so to speak of like okay I think I can trust you enough we kind of I so I'm gonna share this so that we can like get deeper I don't know.
And like once again if you had mutuals it's slightly easier because you could totally just ask your mutual and be like hey so like this person kind of acts like this huh they're like yeah okay cool yeah sounds good.
Are you crazy.
Oh so like share his best it crazy right and then the mutual be like yeah for sure in New Mexico were there any Asian Americans and if there were did you feel like that
made making friends a little easier like having a shared cultural background and if there weren't did you feel like that was a hindrance to like sometimes you're like friendships.
There were not a lot and it was very shocking having it wasn't shocking per se but it was very new having lived in the Bay area where it's all Asian people and then going to Illinois where there's plenty of Asian people and like being specifically like in an Asian American community there.
So yeah there were not a lot definitely it took some adjusting and getting used to like the fact that they just won't naturally like do things like take off their shoes or like want to eat Asian food all the time or like have spoken another language right I don't
know there's just so many small things that like can add up to make a big difference but I feel like out of the people there were some like I that I knew at work or like Ross's girlfriend was Vietnamese I don't feel like I made
friends with people because they were Asian though I don't know why it's just it feels like like like hey Asian percent I don't know I just I really didn't want to do that right right and I not that there's
anything wrong with doing that like I think that can be a really good thing I think me specifically I just didn't want to shoehorn myself into that in the new place where like I didn't
want to be that guy who's like oh I just miss new place and all my friends are only right I just want to try to make friends with whoever I can't yeah yeah like there was one guy at my work
his last name was trans like I didn't tell if he was Vietnamese or like some like Southern Chinese but like I would kind of sometimes try to like be like hey like so what are the good
yeah because you always had suggestions like one of the good fall places that was the extent like if I go any further it's just like hey you're Asian
Asian like you watch anime do you like I don't I just I just didn't want to get there so I was like
toe to toe Andy yeah I think that doesn't make sense because it's a good outlook to have to to not like just narrow your
vision so much that it's like you know what like I'll just stick with the comfort picks like the Asian but also in the back of my mind
I'm imagining it like you're in this dark place and you find someone who's you know a little more similar to you than everyone else
and you're like oh my god like a taste of home like someone who can relate I mean it helped that they existed yeah I think like just knowing that it felt comfortable like this guy
was on my team or there are a few other people in different contexts but like just knowing that I wasn't the only Asian person for sure yeah I was really
helpful. Alright so before we wrap up this episode I have a final question for you what did you miss the most about California or Illinois
guess when you were living in New Mexico and also now that you're out of New Mexico what do you miss the most about
New Mexico it's funny because I think the answer to both is people like when I was there I just felt so cut off from
all the other deep friendships and family that I had like everyone was in another place but now that I'm gone from New Mexico I wish that I could
continue those friendships that were there it's weird because as I was preparing to leave I was feeling the whole time like I
have just turned a corner one and a half to two years I just feel like that's the amount of time it takes to like settle
into friendship right and I was finally starting to build or like extend those friendships to be like deeper and more
meaningful and then I was I was out like right at the time when people start to notice you and notice when you're
gone that's when I left it just feels like something is kind of missing like I wish I could go back and flesh those
friendships out and make something more out of it despite all the things I do love about the state I think like people
is the thing that I missed most like the people that I met there I like that answer and I think it just goes to
show that you did make an impact on like not only your own life I guess but also the people around you when
you're living in New Mexico and we mentioned this before but it just it really sounded like you put in the
effort to make the best out of the situation that you were given and it ended up being mostly successful you
know hard times included of course but like overall it was a good time and you came out of it with like positive
experience and like outlook to it all and you know hopefully some new skills to even though you yourself
might not recognize it I think that's really good to hear about because it's so easy for us just people in
general I think to move to places where you know you'll have a certain level of like safety behind it
whether it being like other mutual friends who live there or like a place that you have been before
things like that so hearing that you are able to go to a place that only two million people within
that has more cattle than people and like come out of it with like a really good outlook and like a
certain love for that state as well even is just like encouraging it's like oh you know what like maybe
I could move to just like some random estate that no one lives in as well and hopefully that makes
other people who might be facing a potential move like that feel a little better about the upcoming
change yes very true thank you so much Andy for joining us this week I think that was a really
valuable and funny conversation and for our listeners out there if any of you have any
memorable experiences of moving to a new place or making new friends feel free to share that
with us you can find us on social media at eat your crust pod and we also have email eat your
crust pod at gmail.com and if you'd like to catch our other episodes then don't forget to follow us
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thanks for listening and don't forget to eat your crust
