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I have been listening to the Martha's Vineyard Beach and Book Club, which actually Elena recommended to me.
She did not listen to it, but she said, girl, this title sounds so you.
And let me tell you, it did. I've been listening to it while I walk, and I am absolutely loving it.
I love all the I love Audible. There's more to imagine when you listen.
Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free. visit audible.com slash morbid.
I am absolutely obsessed with a sweet treat after dinner, and my favorite sweet treat right now is my mochi.
I'm not yours. Just kidding. You can have some too.
This is a cool creamy scoop of ice cream. wrapped in a soft, chewy dough.
It's like a sweet little ice cream dumpling or ravioli.
I'm obsessed. It's pillowy. It's satisfying.
I feel indulged. I just love it so much.
I really am obsessed with the strawberry flavor right now.
My mochi is only around 70 calories per piece, which like, hello, that's amazing.
My mochi is gluten free and each box has six perfectly portioned mochi snacks.
Do I eat two a night? Yeah. Yeah, I do because they're that good.
And guess what? My mochi is the number one mochi ice cream in the US of A.
The strawberry flavor is bursting with fresh picked fruit flavor that tastes incredibly refreshing.
I love, love, love them after dinner this August.
Look for the purple box of My Mochi ice cream at your local grocery store. and feel joyfully chill with the coolest treat around, my mochi.
Hey weirdos, my name happens to be Ash. And I was given the name Elena.
You were. I was. And this podcast was given the name Morbid.
It was. Thank you. Because it seems like it's a good all-encompassing name.
Yeah. You know? Yeah. Well, we're like 200 and something episodes in and we're like, hey, don't you think the name works?
I think we're like at three. if you count the listener tales, which, oh, oh, segue.
Segue. Get that operated vehicle that Paul Blart drives through the mall. exactly it's a listener tales episode guys can you tell can you tell because it's always when we're punchy We're always feeling punchy and we got some good ones today.
I feel like you picked a lot of these. I went back in the archives a little bit.
Because it's hard because we get the new ones and then those are the first ones we see.
So we'll kind of pick from those a lot of the times.
But I was like, no, we got to go back. Because there's a million that we've missed that just, you know, because they keep on coming, which we love.
The archives are where it's at. So don't worry if you haven't heard yours yet.
It doesn't mean we're not going to use it.
It's just that we haven't gotten it to you.
We haven't gotten to it yet, but I promise. miss you we are trying and we have about a zillion more listener tales episodes ready to go Yeah, like there's one in here from February 15th of last year.
And in fact, that's the one that I'm going to read right now.
Oh, okay. Yeah. It is called a not so good neighbor whose dumb ass tried to yeet himself to his death and the mistake that haunts me to my core.
Amazing. That's quite a subject line. I love it.
How I didn't see it before now, I don't know.
So this says you may use my first name and last initial as listed.
It's longer than I anticipated. I give you full permission to edit and crop any ways you see fit in order to meet the allotted time and or eliminate any unnecessary details please pick my story lol we are We'll pick your story, but we'll never eliminate any unnecessary details because we think they're all necessary.
No more brevity. Never. Hey, Ash and Elena.
My name is Whitney E. Hi, Whitney E. Hello, Whitney E.
A lifetime. I'm a lifetime listener. I'm a longtime listener of the show.
I'm practically obsessed. I've listened to countless Listener Tales episodes and always think, I really need to write in about my old neighbor, but I've never taken the time until now.
Thank you for choosing to share my story.
Buckle up, my down bitches. It's about to get real weird.
I live in a small southern town population 3,500 that's like no one At 18, the day after high school graduation, I moved out on my own.
Wow, look at you. I was so proud and excited for this move and my newfound independence.
I'm excited for you. I am too. My complex had multiple buildings.
There were eight apartments in each. On my side of the building, when facing it, I was placed in the bottom left apartment.
There was a young couple with a newborn baby that I'd never seen before moving in, living directly to the right of me and two couples, I almost said cousins, two cousins upstairs two cousins living upstairs nope two couples living upstairs both of which I'd sort of always known casually and seen around town Hey, hi.
Hey, what's up? Hey. Casual couple. Hey, good to see you.
What's going on? I had only been there a few weeks, a month's top.
A month. You good? It's not my day to speak, guys.
It's not my day to speak. Amongst tops. a month tops when late one evening i had a knock at my door i opened it to find an older lady weak and frail i'll be Who asked if I'd seen the young couple with the baby that day.
I told her I had not, but would be glad to give them a message when I did.
She told me, no, that wasn't necessary, and explained that that was her daughter and son-in-law, and that she'd stopped by back... buy later.
She thanked me for the offer and apologized for having bothered me. my god you're no bother.
I told her it was no problem at all. It wasn't.
She turned feebly shuffling a few steps towards the parking lot. then frozen her tracks and spun around oh suddenly i don't feel safe anymore Now she had tears in her eyes.
Oh, OK. Now I feel like an asshole. I asked her if she was OK.
Through her tears and her voice cracking, she responded, "'Can I ask a favor of you?'
Unsure where this was going, I hesitated.
I don't blame you. But I could answer...
But before I could answer. I don't know why I can't read today, guys.
It's just not happening. Maybe I'll be an excellent fucking reader.
I hope so for the listeners sake, because I'm really botching.
I mean, guys, don't get excited. I hesitated but before I could answer, she continued.
What'd she say? I need you to promise me if you ever hear anything unusual coming from their apartment, you will call the police. they've been fighting a lot since the baby came and sometimes it gets out of hand i worry i fear he might hurt her or the baby Her tears were flowing freely now and I stuttered, attempting to respond.
I told her, of course I would, vowing to call the police if I ever heard anything out of the ordinary.
You're an angel." She smiled through the tears, said, God bless you, honey, and turned and walked away into the night.
I just got that thing when your body goes... yes where it radiates for a minute that just made me very sad wow What a mess.
That poor young wife and her poor baby. I felt so awful for them.
And imagine being her mother and like you're elderly and frail and you're like- How hopeless you feel.
Right, like what can I do other than- just ask their neighbor to please call the police.
There's so many instances of that where you see like this poor family member, poor parent, poor mother, poor father, That they're helpless.
And imagine seeing your baby. They can't do anything about it.
With a baby and like a man that's treating her terribly.
I can't imagine. Because your kids are always your babies.
Of course. No. This is really sad. I went on about my daily life, never forgetting my promise, always keeping an eye out and ears open for any signs of domestic violence.
This piece of shit was beating on his wife and getting violent around their newborn?
Hell to the no, not on my watch. Screw this asshole.
The sight of him nauseated me after that.
Good for you. Yes. actual queen yes only a week had gone by before i had to make good on my promise oh no It was late in the evening, pitch black outside, and I was watching television.
My God. god imagine no a few seconds passed and there was another and then another I called 911 as fast as I could and requested an officer come do a welfare check.
The dispatcher told me she had an officer en route.
I met him in the parking lot and explained the screams I'd heard and the visit from the older lady.
I pointed to their apartment and watched the officer approach it.
He knocked. No answer. He knocked again.
Still no answer. This pattern continued for several minutes.
After being unable to rouse any response, the officer began shining his flashlight into Oh my god.
They didn't seem to be homed. Yeah, I don't know, man.
Is there a mirror so I can say, ma'am, are you okay?
What is going on? Why don't you leave and do some self-reflection?
Hold on, ready? Okay. That always works.
It always works. All right. So no one seemed to be home.
Okay. Am I like... Okay, I'm just jumping ahead because I don't know what happens.
But my... My guess right now is that this whole thing is a haunted situation and the old lady didn't even exist.
I don't know. That's my guess. I just wanted to put it out there.
I don't know. Put it out there. It's on the board now.
Thank you. It's on the board now. We'll see if it's confirmed.
Thank you. Thank you. You know, the guy that.
I reminded him of what the lady had said, of the history of violence, and he decided to question the other neighbors.
Upstairs, one couple wasn't home, but the couple in the fourth apartment did answer the door.
The officer asked if they'd heard any screams.
They seemed surprised and stated they did not.
Of course they didn't. They didn't share a wall with them like I did.
Back in the parking lot, I pleaded with the officer, swearing the screams I heard were real and came from someone in complete terror and distress.
He suggested it may have come from the television, but told me to call dispatch again if I hear anything else.
I laid in bed that night worrying about that young mother and her baby.
Had he drove her away just before the cops arrived?
Had he made her hide in the apartment while the officer knocked on the door?
For hours I waited for the sound of any kind to come from the other side of the wall. but none ever came.
A few days later, it was still fresh on my mind and I came home from work to find my apartment door standing wide open.
I thought, oh shit, he knows it was me that ratted him out.
He must be trying to send me a message. I stood there frozen and breathless, trying to decide what to do, when the upstairs couple I had known the longest came walking up the sidewalk.
The look on my face must have been a dead giveaway of the panic that consumed me.
I explained I'd just come home and found the door wide open.
I told them I'd call the police on the man next door a couple of nights ago, and he must have figured out it was me.
The husband offered to walk through the apartment with me to make sure it was clear.
His wife stood outside, keeping an eye out for the abusive neighbor.
What a good neighbor. I know. What a good set of neighbors.
After searching every inch of my apartment, we decided there was no one inside and I couldn't immediately notice that anything was out of place.
I then told them about the visit from the older lady and asked them to also watch and listen for anything unusual.
They were just as mortified as I had been and agreed.
The man told me if I ever needed to come upstairs and get him to call and gave his phone number.
This brought me great comfort knowing I wasn't in the building with this crazy abuser all by myself. and that someone else was aware of what was going on now.
I thanked him for going inside with me and for that offer to be there anytime I needed them.
Just a few nights later, it happened again.
The same blood-curdling scream ripped through my apartment and I immediately called dispatch.
The same officer responded and remembered the situation clearly.
He immediately knocked on their door, and we were both surprised when the young man answered the door with a smile. on his face.
The officer informed him that there had been reports of a woman screaming, possibly within his apartment.
He assured the officer no screams had come from his apartment, nor had he heard any.
This liar, ugh. The officer asked if his wife was home.
I stood behind the door wanting to hear the exchange, but also hoping I wasn't entirely visible from my position. cowering behind him.
Almost instantaneously, the young mother appeared in the doorway next to her husband, baby in her arms.
The officer asked if everything was all right and stated there's been reports of screams.
She smiled at the officer and stated everything was fine and she had not heard anything either.
She added the newborn had been fussy earlier and said maybe that's the screams people heard.
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This piece of shit had her so well groomed and brainwashed that you couldn't detect even the slightest hint of trouble.
I'm sorry. Sorry you went through that.
Me too. And I understood the game. I was sickened at how good she was at this.
How much practice had this poor woman had lying for? covering for and defending this piece of garbage.
He had complete control over her. It was another sleepless night.
I knew the likelihood that she was being punished for screaming loud enough to draw attention. despite her picture perfect performance to the officer.
Soon after that, I discovered I was pregnant with a baby of my own.
Congratulations. Yay! I moved out of the apartment to live with my boyfriend and prepare for our baby.
Oh, I'm so excited for you. I never saw them again, but I thought about them from time to time, especially as I grew closer to being in her situation. a stressed new mom and was thankful I didn't have to worry about the same trouble she did.
I'm glad you didn't. I hoped and prayed she found a way to get away from him and that her and the baby were safe somewhere.
I love how empathetic you are. I know. You sound like an amazing human.
I was going to say, and I'm sure you're going to be like an amazing mother. because that's like some real like empathy is so important it is Finally, my due date came.
I was induced and way into the night I gave birth to a beautiful, perfect baby boy.
Oh my God. We were over the moon. Of course, this was before the pandemic, back when you were allowed to have visitors in the hospital.
The next morning, I had several. At some point, one of the visitors asked us if we heard about the murder.
Oh. My husband and I were both clueless and asked, what murder?
They replied, the murder in unnamed apartments. apparently the guy lost it and killed his wife my heart sunk and my stomach jumped into my throat He had killed her.
Oh my God, he'd really done it. Word is another tenant came out this morning and found the man naked, covered in blood and unable to stand up.
My heart pounded. Who? I demanded to know.
They uttered the name and I recognized it immediately.
I had the sudden urge to vomit and the room around me began to spin.
My thoughts raced. I stared in disbelief.
He had to be mistaken. That wasn't possible.
Did he really just say, yes, he did? My husband turned on the news, which confirmed it.
Yes, a man had killed his wife in the apartment complex, but the name ringing through the hospital room was not that of the young abusive man next door.
I'd been so worried about. The bloody naked man found in the bushes, unable to stand, was in fact immobilized by two fractured ankles and a fractured vertebrae.
The results of a possible fall later determined to be a jump from his second story balcony."
To my absolute shock and horror, it was the man from upstairs.
It was the man who I had always known from being around town.
It was the man who had answered the door that first night I called the police and denied hearing any screams. though they'd actually came from his apartment.
It was the man who so graciously offered to help me search my apartment for an intruder or damaged property.
Oh, my God. It was the man I'd confided in about the abuser next door, the man that I was comforted by.
Simply knowing he was close by if I needed him.
It was the man I trusted. What the fuck? blowing my brain apart.
Are you kidding? What the fuck? He walked through her whole apartment.
And he was the one who had done it. The chills have changed.
And his wife was the one standing outside guarding for this abuser that they were worried about.
Which I'm like, so did she know? Like, that's so confusing because she was the one being.
She didn't want to say, like, it was me who was screaming all night.
She would have gotten... So she must have been... know of course so she was standing there knowing that this was her yeah and like what a what a twisted fucking thing to see her abusive husband do yeah just like walk in and comfort this girl who's scared of an abusive man who is him According to the news reports and court documents, after police tended to the injured man, they entered the apartment to find the wife in their bedroom deceased.
She had been beaten, choked and stabbed to death.
I was mortified. And to this day, 12 years later, I trust no one.
He pled guilty by reason of insanity and was sentenced to 24 years in a state prison.
I often wonder what might have happened if that old lady hadn't showed up at my doorstep, if I hadn't been preconceived If I hadn't had preconceived ideas about the situation and continuously pointed police in the wrong direction,
Would they have investigated other apartments further?
Discovered the true source and given the woman the opportunity she needed to get away from that man?
Did I take those chances away from her? These are questions I'll always ask, but never really know the answers to.
No. You did the right thing. Absolutely you did.
Nothing you did had anything to do with this.
If anything, you were bringing attention to the apartment complex which could have helped had it not been the timing that it was exactly and it was not you did Everything you were supposed to do.
You were a great neighbor, a great friend, and a great freaking stranger.
A great freaking human. There are two things I know for certain.
Number one, I had the best intentions at heart, even though I was fighting for the wrong woman.
Exactly. You did. Number two, you never truly know anyone.
Absolutely you don't. That's my story I thank you so much for reading and sharing it this is the only one of a few stories I have to share with you more to come send them yes Thank you for bringing attention to so many victims and their families and keeping the memories alive.
Kudos for always making me laugh. It's much needed in this weird time we're living in.
Stay safe and keep it real, like the bad bitches you are.
Keep it weird, but not so weird that you ever trust a neighbor or think you know anyone.
Not so weird that you live in an apartment surrounded by abusive men.
Not so weird that you invited a range soon-to-be-murderer into your apartment to make you feel safe and comforted, and not so fucking weird that you'd ever commit murder strip down naked and jump off a two-story balcony thinking that that fall will kill you and not just fuck you up real bad.
Not that weird. Everyone keep your distance, mask up, and never, ever trust a neighbor.
Whitney E. I'm obsessed. Whitney... Holy shit.
What a story, first of all. And two, what a way to tell that story, you fucking storyteller.
That was cinematic, the way you told that story.
You had me going for so long. And when I reached that point where it was like, oh, here's a fucking twist.
Yeah. I didn't see it coming. No, neither did I. I didn't feel it coming.
I was in a totally different universe. That was not the twist that I saw coming.
I thought this whole thing was haunted. Whitney, you killed it.
Thank you so much for sending that, and I'm so glad you are safe.
I hope that you and your baby are happy as fucking clams. yeah congratulations on the new baby and I hope everybody's safe and healthy because you are a wonderful person I just can't believe that like the older lady was talking about the people downstairs and then the same exact situation was happening upstairs.
That's so wild. And it's so sad that two men like that can be in the same apartment building.
Seriously. one floor away from each other seriously like that's a really sad state of affairs when you think about the probability of that like Damn.
I wonder if the upstairs neighbors had a baby and maybe the woman was just confused.
It doesn't sound like they did. I don't think so, but I was just... hoping that everybody was in a shit sandwich no i mean i think it's literally i mean just Treat the people you love with love.
Yeah, like what the fuck? You don't have to leave with someone. someone if you don't want to be yeah like don't treat people that you are supposed to love shitty no I can't.
My brain doesn't go there. No, it's horrible.
Okay, there's no good segue, but here is my next tale.
It's called Listener Tales, money grew on fucking trees, man.
But wait, drugs, arson, murder, and suicide too?
Girl, what the actual fuck? Yep, true story.
Read this, guys. It will not disappoint.
And it's in a puttafa. That is literally the subject.
That's a subject. And I literally love that's the one we need.
Love you so much. Dear Elena and Ash and my fellow weirdos, you can use my name because if you do read this on the podcast, I will forever...
Oh, sorry. I transferred it to you. My brain was just like, it just short circuited a little bit.
You can use my name because if you do read this on the podcast, I will forever be in my mind a celebrity.
My name is Stacy. Stacy! crazy's mom that was the name you've got it going on anyways I will start with the normal fangirl rant and say that I truly love your podcast so much.
Thank you. uh like literally I don't even listen to any other true crime podcasts because they are nowhere close to morbid that's so nice I know it is there's a lot of great ones i will tell you they're not i'm sure they are good or whatever but you guys set the standard very high that That's very nice to say.
I'm like so uncomfortable in like a happy way.
I know. You truly give me so much comfort and make my mornings beautifully morbid on my way to work, and you have gotten me through some really dark times when the last thing I thought I could do was smile."
And then I turn on your lovely podcast and get lost with you guys.
And within 10 minutes, I'm laughing so hard I come right back into the moment of almost peeing my pants and forgetting whatever it was that I was upset about.
Wow. I love hearing that. Thank you for that.
I grew up on Dateline. Same. And all true crime documentaries.
So finding you girls was like Christmas morning.
I've listened to all your podcasts that I literally can't wait for the next one to come out.
You guys are awesome. I never really thought I had a listener tales of my own up until recently."
I'm not a great writer and it is likely that I'll ramble, but here we go.
Don't worry because I am the rambliest person.
Although this isn't murder, it is true crime and some truly wild true crime at that.
And if you end up sharing this on the pod, I will be over the moon happy like a dog with two tails.
We'll start wagging those two tails. I'm obsessed with that. phrase.
I work at a small family-owned woodworking company.
The kind that everyone works there has been there for as long as I've been alive, if not longer.
I'm 28. I'm a customer service representative and I truly love going to work every day.
I love that so much. I work in the main office building.
However, there are about three to four warehouses behind the main office. and one down the street where all the forklift drivers are, machine operators that manufacture our product, and the products themselves are.
Backstory. I am literally the baby of the company and have only been here six years compared to some people who are 25 plus. or have been there 25 years plus.
I tend to make friends easily because I haven't ever met a stranger in my life.
And with that being said, I always meet a lot of interesting I loved the fact that I worked with all sorts of different people from introverts to extroverts to bikers and hippies.
They are all truly wonderful people around here, and I'm thankful for that.
Oh, I love this. This sounds so beautiful.
Wow, get it. Do you work in Stars Hollow?
Yeah. After being with the company, I'd gotten to know almost everyone over the years.
And even though the variety of people I ended up having good relationships with Pretty much even through the variety of people, I ended up having good relationships with pretty much everyone and we became more like family.
The guys out back became like my old tippy grandpas I never had.
And the office people became some of my greatest friends.
Here we go. What a rare like place. That's wonderful.
Yeah, I feel like I've never had a job like that other than this one.
And that's because I only have one co-worker.
I love this for you. I really do. I'm happy for you.
This is ideal. Good job. you guys should do like um Stacy I'm like very happy for you yeah this is like you deserve this you guys should do job fairs and like yeah just tell everybody how tell everybody i would work there if i didn't work here just get it stacy let's go Here we go.
Fast forward to another day to the other day when one of my coworkers and I are talking about your podcast.
We started talking about different true crime shows, documentaries, and we both shared a couple of stories.
Side note, I really do have to thank you for getting this conversation going oh you're welcome As my coworker and I were sharing stories, he began to tell me about a book written about a nearby county, Madison County, Arkansas.
This is a county away from the county I live in currently, Washington County. and the county where my coworker had grown up.
He asked me if I had ever heard of this book.
I'll link it below. And I told him that I had not ever read the book, but I knew of it.
The book was basically about a small country...
Sorry. Country and county look exactly the same.
They do. The book was about a small county country country county thank you that's a hard one the book was about a small country county there you go thank you with a corrupt sheriff and lots and lots of pot Mary Jane, ganja, and or just marijuana to some.
I love you. There is a point in this book to remember.
There is a point to this book. So remember this part.
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I should probably mention that the county did not just have a corrupt sheriff.
There was a corruption all over. And just like any other drug deal in podunk town, snitches get stitches.
I had to say that like, I believe that's how the kids say it.
But if you have no clue what I'm referring to. then it's if someone were to tell on someone else for illegal activity and well, It would be handled one way or the other, if you know what I mean.
I love you so much, Stacey. You're adorable.
I want to be like wink, wink. You were just both of us at the same time.
Yes. That was amazing. It was great. Drawn in completely to this story already, because again, it's only a county over from where I live.
My coworker goes on and says, well, one day there was a guy, one very unlucky guy, who decided to snitch and or tell on someone.
I'm not sure the drama behind it, but I did learn that this unlucky fellow was taken into the woods and got... No.
No. Oh. And got each one of his teeth. I have to hold on to my teeth when I say that though.
Mm-mm. Fuck my life. Each one of his teeth pulled out one by one.
For snitching. Oh my fucking god. Yup, every single one.
Dude lived too. I would not want to live to tell that tale.
Fuck that. Oh my God. I hate it. Somebody pressed my life alert.
Shook. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
That's morbid as fuck, I said. Sure. And I couldn't even believe the guy had lived.
Don't get me wrong. I did feel bad for the poor bastard, but he didn't die.
So I guess that's a good way of looking at it.
But that's neither here nor there. Oh my.
I need to breathe for a second. My coworker, he continues his story and mind you, just like the others, he has been at the company for a long time.
He proceeds and told me that when he first started working here, he had to go over to one of the warehouses to put up some posters.
This coworker was in the marketing department and that there would be a nice old hippie looking dude to meet him at the warehouse.
As he gets to the warehouse, he is greeted by the nice old hippie looking dude, just as he's told.
The two of them start talking and find out they're both from Madison County.
They continue talking about where they lived and if they knew the same people, you know, small town kind of stuff.
And then just as casual as can be, hippie looking old dude turns to my coworker and says, Yeah, I have a nickname out there in Madison County.
They call me the dentist. I'd be like, Is that because you have a degree in dental medicine?
Is that because you're a dentist? Are you a DMD, sir?
Did you used to work at Aspen? A DDS perhaps?
Are you from Aspen? Please tell me you are.
Help. Do you have a practice? I'm scared.
Mom can you pick me up? Uh, yikes. I had goosebumps and literal full body chills.
I couldn't believe it. Me as well. So close, so close to home.
It was just so wild to me that this small ass county had shit like this happening in it.
And on top of all of that, I had met this person, this dentist, if you will.
Oh my God. Do you remember one of the old hippie grandpas that I never had?
Oh, yes, yes. Like you never had one of those.
Who I mentioned in the beginning of the story.
Yeah. I shit you not, one of my fake gramps who I considered as family was the old hippie dude my coworker had met on his first day known as the dentist oh my god this is fucked old hippie gramps i'm not gonna say his name because i'm scared was the motherfucking dentist.
I could not believe it. That's when it dawned on me that, holy shit, I have a fucking listener tail finally.
Yeah, you do. I know, but it is what it is.
I'm not going to lie about it. Still in shock.
I could not believe that this is the same bleep. who was one of those old men who constantly, sorry, I'm shaking.
I was going to say, I'm very shaken up. Who was one of those old men who would constantly be laughing so hard he would just start coughing because of all the cigarettes he smoked.
You know the same. Yes. You know the kind.
And the very same chill ass bleep. who was stoned most of the time and cracking jokes at any given moment.
He needed a different kind of devil's lettuce because like I've never been on the devil's lettuce that made me want to remove a fellow man's teeth yeah he needed Some different kind.
The same guy who always reminded me of a mix between Willie Nelson and Jack Nicholson.
It's too great a mix. I was going to say, I want to know him, but now I don't.
What a combination. I smoke joints with at Christmas parties?
I would never smoke anything with that man.
That is not what you think it is. Don't do it.
That is PCP. something no way of like that's just teeth you're smoking that's just there is teeth in your blunt ma'am No way.
No fucking way could it be. But it was the same old fucking guy. aka old hippie Gramps, was the same damn guy who took people out to the woods and pulled their teeth out for snitching on him. and is known as the dentist.
I'm horrified. Turns out he went to prison for his dentist role, so I guess it's public record.
Wowzers. All I can say is thank God I was nice to him.
And honestly, dude served his time and turned out pretty all right.
Funny as hell, if anything. God, what a way to look at it.
I feel like you wear like the glasses just straight up full.
Yeah, it's so full. The glass is like pouring over. what a way to see the world so how does the book play into all of this you may ask i was about to ask it was The book plays a huge role going into detail and in-depth about the crimes that resonated in Madison County.
Man. Addison County, along with the people who were associated with said crimes.
There could be a lot of talk Yeah, there could be a lot of talk about the dentist in this book as well.
Fun fact I heard once from someone in Madison County. that as soon as the book came out, that everyone who was involved bought the book for the sole reason just to see if they would get arrested or were named in the book. honestly, I would probably do the same thing.
I'd be like, did they say my name? Did they say my name?
And then I learned the author of the book Oh, slit his own throat in a Walmart parking lot in 2009. just six years after writing the book down the street from my old house. but not after writing about the outlaw sheriff on Madison County who, quote, died in a car accident on roads he knew, or to others, he knew the FBI was about to come get him, and he tied his hands with his belt around the steering wheel of his car and drove off a bridge and drowned to death and couldn't get untied in case he changed his mind.
What a sentence, sister. Whoa. This book is called...
When money grew on trees, the true tale of a marijuana... moonshiner thank you moonshiner and the outlaw sheriff of madison county arkansas whoa y'all arkansas is a wild fucking place arkansas is the wild wild You are the wild, wild west out there, man.
So yeah, there's my listener tag. Ash, take it away.
Keep it weird but not so weird that you take people into the middle of the woods and you take out their teeth one by one and then you call yourself the dentist and then you smoke weed with this sweet girl named fucking Stacy and she has no idea and then you blow her fucking mind and you blow me and Elena's mind because your name is the dentist and you took somebody's teeth out one by one.
I don't even want to talk about it anymore.
I have to go be alone. Bye. Yeah, I mean, I'm with Ash on that one.
That was a lot. I need to be alone. But Stacey, wow.
Stacey, your story has it going on. When you said, oh man, I have a listener tale, I was like, you do.
You sure do. You do. That is what we call a listener tale.
Wow. That's a wild one. Arkansas. Are you guys all right?
And pulled out his teeth. No. One by one.
I want to get past that. And then just worked at a warehouse and was like would you like a hit of this joint yeah I would love to get past this Because now all my teeth feel like they're like just moving around in my head.
I... That's so crazy. I feel like I need to keep my mouth shut to keep them in.
I don't like it. Yeah, I'm freaked out. Thanks, Stacey.
I keep thinking about it. Woof. All right.
So the next one I have is I'm cursed. And somebody should have told them it's never a mannequin.
Somebody should have. Somebody should have.
Alright, hello ladies! I'm sending this to you as a Canadian fan!
Hey Canada! Canada! We love Canadians over here!
Canadians who found your podcast in February 2021.
Hey, look at that. I'm already in the early 200s episodes because I listen to you whenever I work nights.
Wow. Perfect time to listen when I'm all alone in a dimly lit building, right?
Yeah, that's actually why we started the show.
Exactly. For people like you. But you are such great researchers and your banter leaves me laughing out loud to myself.
Thank you. So you make the time pass faster and feel less lonely.
I find it very hard to stick to podcasts because I have ADHD.
So? And part of that makes it impossible for my brain to follow certain voices.
But I could listen to you both. Both of you talk all day.
That's really nice of you to say. Really nice compliment.
To start this off, you can call me B. Hi, B. Cute.
That's adorable. I have two tales for you.
One spooky and one crimey. So I'll try to keep it to the point, but it's a mess up in this brain, so bear with me.
You don't even understand how much that resonates.
I feel like I feel you. I'm thinking so many different things right now.
There you go. As I said in my email subject, I'm cursed.
I don't know how this came to me, but I've had it as long as I can remember.
I'm real sorry about that. It's a bummer.
It started as a birthday curse. Every year bad things would happen on my birthday to the point where I stopped having parties around age 10 to instead just have one friend so things could be more go with the flow.
I'm sorry. That sucks. Things still happen.
Pet deaths, cancer diagnosis, unexplained allergic reaction, injured to needing to go to the ER. are three times.
You get the idea. I do. And I'm so sorry.
But it honestly became so commonplace. My whole family would just prepare themselves for Anywho, once I turned 30, I love your attitude about it.
It's like, well, fuck it. Anyhow, like, let's do this.
Because what are you going to do? Yeah, once I turned 30, my birthday curse became a full-blown life curse.
Oh, no. My life now is kind of like being in a constant state of treading water and cement shoes and occasionally having my head dunked under all the way.
That makes me really sad. I'm not often piled with many things at once, but the stream is pretty constant.
Man, if I could do anything like... I want to like do a like have a happy day spell for you or something.
I think I have a book of like a thousand spells.
We could probably figure it out. Let's manifest good vibes your way.
You deserve it. My best friend says I should write a book, but my sister says the randomness of it all, as you say with some of your cases... would leave people saying, no way, this is too much.
This would never happen in real life. Yeah, but that's the best.
I want to read a book. But here I am. I won't get into a lot of it because, well, trauma.
But this next part leads to the spooky part and actually ties into me finding your podcast.
Clearly, I've kind of conditioned myself to find silver linings.
Good for you. You're a great person. A lot of people don't do that.
So earlier this year, my curse landed me in a situation where I would need surgery.
Again, trauma. So excuse the vague details.
No worries. Nothing life-threatening, that's good.
But who likes surgery? Not I. I left that day telling my kids I would see them by bedtime.
I checked in met the doctor went under anesthesia. for a quick procedure only to wake up not in recovery, but at the nurse's station some two hours later. with nurses and five ambulance crew rushing around me.
The doc came up to me, sat by my head and said you and i just had an experience together what We barely began surgery when you began to bleed out.
You lost 4.5 liters of your blood before I could get you to stop.
Holy shit. A person your size has about 5.5 liters. only replace 3.5 for safety reasons and we are going to fly you to larger hospital for testing and hopefully to safely finish the procedure.
Oh my god. I've been doing this for 17 years and have never had anything like this happen before.
All I could think to reply was, well, you've never had the misfortune to operate on me.
Oh, my God. The fact that you had just lost... four and a half liters of blood and you're like you're just like hey you're an icon Cut to the longest eight days of my life.
More unfortunate events, of course. Lots of tests with no explanation as to why this happened. a bad drug reaction, threat of losing an organ, an extra procedure, missing the heck out of my kids because they couldn't come visit because COVID.
But you ladies were my entertainment. Oh, man.
Holy shit. I'm so happy. happy that we were.
I'm so happy we were there. I could give you a hug if I could.
Right? I had to be laying down with only two short walks a day since I was so anemic.
You kept me sane. Eventually the original procedure happened and I was able to go home for a long recovery.
I'm so glad you got to go home. Me? Because I can't imagine how it was leaving your kids for that long while going through all that.
And then not having them be able to visit.
Leaving them anyways would be horrific, not sleeping in the same house. not having the option to even have them there oh i must be like oh my heart is so isolating But that's not the end.
Now, I've never been a person who believed in ghosts or spirits.
I'm a very seeing is believing kind of person. and I've just never seen.
But this true near-death experience has changed that.
Not only am I now able to notice poltergeist activity at one of my work sites, super fun at night alone, but I now catch glimpses of my curse.
What do I mean by that? I don't know. Well, you know when you see a dark shadow or figure out of the corner of your eye, but when you turn, it's gone?
Yes. Like that, only it lingers long enough that I can get a longer peak. it isn't really human form more of how I would imagine an aura but all black you ever spray it with some sage yeah then it is gone i don't see it every day but it's always there lurking like a vulture what the It doesn't feel like something that can hurt me, not like a spirit or diamond, but just another reminder of what follows me.
I haven't figured out how to shake it, the curse or the visual of it, but for now it's just another thing I'm learning to adapt to.
So that's the tale! You know what's even more stressful than a packed calendar?
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The sale ends 831. Don't miss it. I want this to be gone for you.
Like, I feel very strongly that I want this to be gone for you.
I feel like if you're like comfortable with it, you should go to like a medium or something like something similar to that.
I wish I could like figure it out. I'm going to read up on this shit.
Well, now I did mention seeing poltergeist activity at one place I work, so I won't leave that hanging. please don't.
There's a quick bonus tale before I move on.
I know you've mentioned how odd it is that ghosts are always old-timey and never, it's Britney, bitch.
I need a However, I can tell that my little spooky friend is a tad more recent than that.
At this particular location where I work two nights a week, I clean alone, locked in, but totally alone.
It is a massive industrial building and as I mentioned, since my experience, I notice activity. doors opening and shutting alone, things moving, things just disappearing, noises, etc.
Nothing dangerous, just obviously unsettling.
But the most standout for me was a Pennywise themed joke.
It pulled on me. I cleaned every office on the main level then made my way upstairs.
I did my thing then came back down for more garbage bags to clean up.
As I passed a hallway I had already entirely cleaned, I saw...
I shit you not, a single red balloon alone in a dimly lit hallway.
She also sent us a photo. Your pants. And it's horrifying.
Shit, shit, your pants. And she is right what she says.
Not laying on the floor. but just floating just above my chest height with its little string just grazing the floor.
Like the very white girl I am, I did not immediately run.
I am obsessed with you. I slowly took out my phone and snapped a pic, then decided garbage was just fine for today and promptly left.
I have attached the pic for you. No idea where it came from, and it was not in the hallway before as I walked through. threw there easily three to four times that night and went in every office in that hallway.
There was no balloon. That's so fucking terrifying.
So my little poltergeist friend dated himself to be at least from the 80s Stephen King would be thrilled I'm sure he would I still clean there because money But I make myself known when I arrive.
Tell him to chill out. Turn my headphones up to drown out the noises.
Do my thing and go home. Things still happen, but maybe because my life is such a raging dumpster fire, a tricky ghost is just like, okay, add it to the list, I guess.
But I digress. This is turning out longer than I planned, and my crime tale is super short, as it is still very new and ongoing.
So my hometown of Sherbrooke, Quebec, first responders appear to be the Canadian version of the LAPD.
Oh, no. Or maybe worse. I don't recall hearing the LAPD or any first responders doing such things as this.
Back in midsummer of this year, they responded to a call of a burnt mannequin near the woods.
Fire and police responded and decided collectively that the mannequin would be disposed of in the police station dumpster.
No, no, no. But as all true crime enthusiasts know, it is not. never a mannequin.
But shouldn't the Popo know that? A poor man later walked into the station to report his wife missing.
After tracing her cell phone location, they found her car suspiciously close to where the mannequin was found earlier.
Only then did they realize their horrific error.
How do you make that error? I don't understand, and this is her writing this, but I agree.
I don't understand how the smell of a burnt person wouldn't have been super apparent at the time they found her i also don't i don't understand i was that was going to be my next sentence And she says, I've only ever smelled burnt hair, but that alone is very distinct.
Yes. I haven't seen anything new on the story, but they are now investigating it as a suspicious death, to which I say, you think?
Yes. I've linked an article below about it, but as I said, I haven't seen any new developments yet.
Hopefully that poor woman can get some justice.
She has been through enough, even in death.
Seriously, what the fuck? So that was a journey.
Hopefully you could follow the winding road that is my train of thought. keep up the awesome work and keep it weird but not so weird you get cursed somehow and it ends up almost killing you and then follows you around like a spooky little rain cloud and you meet a poltergeist who's apparently a Stephen King fan, and definitely not so weird that you completely abandon all of your police fire training to such a degree that you put a body in a dumpster because it is never... a mannequin bye i don't want to say bye yet that was like a that was so like not fun but You're wonderful.
I hate that you are dealing with a curse.
I want to fix it for you. Oh my God. Yeah, we're definitely going to figure out how to figure this out for you.
Because that's terrifying. Let's figure out how to figure it out.
We're going to figure out how to figure it out, man.
We're going to do that. Let's go. Thank you for sending that.
That's amazing. And I am... Trying to manifest some really good things coming your way.
I know. And I hope you're feeling better after all that surgery.
I know. And from a fellow person who has gone through losing a great amount of blood before, That shit sucks.
Yes. And I'm very sorry you went through it.
I saw Lena after having two blood transfusions and I've never seen anything like it in my life.
It was a rough time. Twice. So I feel for you and I hope you're feeling great.
Me too. Okay, my next listener tale says the lady down the plug hole in the ghost snob with fancy AF taste and pillows.
I'm here. Starts off with subcunts. But it's fine because they're from England.
Yes. And it would be fine anyway. I love you so much.
You keep me young. Slap guns. I want to preface this inevitably long RC meal by saying how much I love you both in your podcast.
It has gotten me through the last 18 months of working from home due to COVID.
Even if I suddenly grew fearful of every single spoopy ass movement my cat makes, not entirely sure she's not a daemon, so thanks for planting that seed, guys.
He's... Also, I'm from a small town in northern England, so apologies in advance if I use any weird Britishisms.
Oh, please. We welcome it. We welcome them.
I do have to tell you that I actually picked this one And I read that sentence four times because I was like, I'm from a small town in New England, so I'm sorry if I use any weird British.
I'm from a small town in New England and I kept saying it and I was like, why would you be using Britishisms?
And then I realized on the fourth or fifth try that it said, northern england which is a very different place i digress Anyway, I'm a firm believer in anything remotely spoopy and supernatural, and I love nothing more than watching scary movies.
Not alone, obviously, because everyone knows that no bad guys can get to you if you have a friend there.
Duh. Obvi. However, I never really had any supernatural experiences growing up.
Or so I thought. Hmm. I was talking to my mom about your podcast and the listener tales and asked if she'd ever had any supernatural experiences.
She paused as if debating whether or not to tell me as she knows I tend to be slightly overdramatic and may think I'm cursed for eternity.
Oh my god. It's really funny that that just followed up that last email.
Like, cursed for eternity. It's a cursed theme.
Wonder where I got that from. Mom. Anyway, she said when I was about four years old, I was in the bath and she was in the kitchen just off the bathroom.
Real responsible, Julie. Yeah. And like any child, it's just, I didn't say that.
Like I didn't judge her mom. I did not do that.
And like any child, I was just jabbering away to myself and playing.
All of a sudden, I went quiet and then let out, in my mom's words... quote, the creepiest fucking laugh I have ever heard in my life.
Then apparently I carried on talking but was pausing as if I were having a conversation.
She came into the bathroom and I had pulled the plug out of the bath and had emptied the... Sorry.
Hold on. She came into the bathroom and I had pulled the plug out so the bath had emptied and was on all fours staring into the plug hole. carrying on my conversation.
She said, Lindsay, what are you doing? And I said, I was talking to the lady who lived down the drain.
Fuck that. Just throw the whole kid away.
This is the best. Like, what the My mom was obviously freaked out.
And although she'll never admit it, I'm almost certain she contemplated how it happened. to me she actually was and if it was too late to put me up for adoption.
She told me to get out of the bath. And I said, no, I wanted to speak to the lady.
She tried to pick me out of the bath and that's when she heard a bang.
What? Side note, we lived in a tiny two bedroom terraced house at the time with minimal storage space.
So she stored the Hoover in the bathroom.
I think that's the vacuum, right? Again, great decision.
You're like, I think that's a vacuum. I was just asking.
Hoover it. I don't know. Again, great decision to leave your child in the bathroom alone with electronic devices, Julie.
Again, not me judging. I also cannot stop thinking about what I would do if my child was doing this.
Speaking into the fucking dream because you have to act unfazed that's the thing that's the whole hard part about being a parent when this kind of stuff happens is you have to Just be like, oh, cool.
Can we pause our conversation with the lady down the drain?
Like, is she okay with that? Like, you have to act, like, super... chill about it no no no my first question would be what are you guys talking about yeah what are the happenings down the drain I'd be like well like since You and I are friends.
Can I be friends with the lady? Like, who's this lady down the drain?
Can you tell me a little bit about her? Should we have tea?
Yeah, I just want to know you're friends.
That's all. I'm your mom. We can all be friends.
Yeah. So yeah, she tried to pick me up out of the bath and heard a bang.
She turned around and the cord for the Hoover started swinging rapidly.
In her shock, she let go of me, so I was still in the bath and the cords stopped swinging.
She tried to pick me up again and again.
It started swinging. At this point, I got out of the bath myself and it stopped.
And as soon as we got to the door, My mom grabbed my arm and we sat in the neighbor's house until my dad got home from work.
I don't know what she was expecting my dad to do to the Hoover wielding plug demon.
But it stopped after that. Just to be safe, I was only allowed to take showers after that. it's so funny the hoover wielding plug team the hoover wielding plug demon Nothing else weird happened to me again until I was about 18.
I was working a night shift at McDonald's.
The store was closed and we had to stay until about 2 AM to clean.
Me and my manager had taken a break to go outside for a cigarette.
There was a small patio area which was closed off by glass panels.
We were just talking and then my manager said to me, what's he looking at?
I looked to where he was looking and about 10 feet away, just on the other side of the glass panels, was a young guy dressed in jeans and a football top. just staring at us.
We were out there for about five minutes and he never looked away.
My manager shouted over to him and told him we were closed, But he just kept staring.
We went back inside. My manager went to the office and I was on the main floor cleaning.
Every once in a while, I looked up and the weird guy was still there looking at the same spot.
After about 20 minutes of this, I went to the office to tell my manager that I was getting creeped the fuck out and told him to haul ass to get out there.
He looked at the security cameras and said that he'd left now, so it should be fine.
I said, how long was he out there? It's freezing outside and he had no jacket.
My manager looked back at the security cameras for the last few hours and uh, Yeah, you guessed it.
There was never anyone there. What the fuck?
That would creep me the fuck out. Last story, I promise.
When I was 18 and I thought I was brave as fuck, Me and a bunch of my friends thought it would be an amazing idea to get a Ouija board.
Guess what it wasn't. I said that. I get it.
And do it in the middle of an abandoned forest at midnight.
Were you friends with Elena? Amazing. There were probably about 20 of us who went, but only five of us were stupid enough to actually do it while the rest watched.
We lit candles and placed them behind each of us.
Be careful for forest fires. Yeah. We started asking basic questions and nothing was happening.
The planchette didn't move at all, but we kept going because we'd invited 20 people out here and needed to make it worthwhile.
After a few minutes, the planchette did start moving, and one of my dickhead friends asked if we were going to die in the forest, and it said yes.
But I'm not convinced it wasn't my arsehole friend Lee moving it.
But anyways, all at once. the 16 pussy bystanders all took off running towards the cars.
They obviously scared the bejesus out of us, so we said a quick goodbye to the board just in case Lee wasn't actually a total... Wait, yeah. just in case Lee wasn't actually a total cunt.
And then we hauled ass back to the cars. once we got there we were like what the fuck why did you all just run off and they said that when we asked the question are we going to die tonight One by one, the candles behind us went out in a clockwise position.
What? No thank you. We all noped the fuck out of there, left the Ouija board in the forest because we did have some sense and went home.
The town of Agde in France is famous for sun, sand, sea and sex.
But lately, life on the coast has taken a strange turn.
The town's mayor, a respected pillar of the community, has been arrested for corruption.
His wife claims he's been bewitched by a beautiful clairvoyant.
Then there's the mysterious phone calls that local people have been getting The whole town has been thrown into chaos.
As the mayor is unable to carry out his duties, I would like to address you all.
Legal proceedings have been initiated. Join me, Anna Richardson, and journalist Leo Schick for The Mystic and the Mayor as we investigate a story of power, corruption, and magic.
Binge all episodes of The Mystic and the Mayor exclusively and ad-free right now on Wondery+.
Start your free trial in Apple Podcasts Spotify or the Wondery app.
I got home at about 2 a.m. and got into bed and decided to watch some TV for an hour to wind down.
I get that. I started to feel sleepy so I turned towards the lamp to turn it off.
I wouldn't have even done that. which was on the other side of my bed.
Side note, I had duck feather pillows, comfortable as fuck but make sounds when you put pressure on them.
So anyway, as I turned to face the lamp ever so friggin' slowly... an imprint was made in my pillow.
It was the shape of a head. I literally shit my pants but also had some respect for my sleeping family members at 3 a.m., So I yeeted the fuck out of my room and sat downstairs with all the lights on until my parents got up for work at 7 a.m.
Oh my god. The next morning, I asked one of my brothers if we could switch rooms.
Dick moved, but we weren't really that close this is my favorite this is my favorite we weren't really that close and I had another brother so I did what I had to do She's like, I got one on backup.
We weren't that close and I have another one.
That was the best part of this entire thing.
She's like, fuck that brother. i have a spare brother so it doesn't matter guys don't worry we'll sacrifice this one if we have to Oh my god, I love you.
Luckily, he agreed and nothing happened to either of us since.
Okay. So yeah, there's my spoopy ass tales and sorry for it being so long.
Literally, don't be. Feel free to cut out whatever you need to.
No. Love you both and keep it weird. Lindsay.
Yes, you can use my name. Lindsay. That was fucking hilarious.
I also love how you spell your name. That's really pretty.
That was amazing. That was so fucking funny.
I love that. Oh, my God. Oh, man. I love that she was like, yeah, I have a backup brother.
What about it? Hell yeah, I don't care. It's fine.
Fuck it. Bye. everything was fine it's fine all right so the next one we have is called Listener Tales Stembridge Case.
Marianne? Marion. Marion. Hello, at the risk of sounding like a crazy internet stalker, I sent y'all an email last month about a distant family member named John Albert Starling of Johnston County, North Carolina. who was lynched for the murder of his mother-in-law and nephew.
Welp. Imagine my surprise when my cellular device dinged and I saw y'all updated a new episode.
Yay! And it was a name I recognize, Stembridge.
Hmm. Stembridge is not the most common name.
One of my paternal great great grandmother's maiden name was Stembridge.
As it turns out, Marion Wesley Stembridge and I share a common ancestor from Virginia.
Holy shit! He is my third cousin. That's not even that far removed.
What the hell? Gotta love these colonial ancestors and all their cousin marrying.
Gotta love all these colonial ancestors and all their cousin marrying.
So now I have another murder in my family tree.
Speaking of, two murder stories in a family tree sounds like a lot.
Actually, I have six. Oh, what? Okay. My paternal grandfather was murdered in 2005.
That's sad. And the case is still unsolved.
Oh, I'm sorry. He lived in a pretty decrepit old building in downtown Richmond, Virginia that locals nicknamed the Nuthouse.
He was found by the pest control guy when the superintendent used a spare key to open his apartment and let the serviceman in.
According to the officer I spoke with when I looked into it, they couldn't determine how long he had sat there for certain.
His tombstone has the day he was found on it.
Oh, that's really sad. Anyways, my grandfather was found sitting at his computer desk with his back to the chair.
Holy shit. the police never found any credible evidence or leads that's fucking terrifying Add to that, my great-great uncle, also on my dad's side of the family, was nicknamed the Halifax Slayer. by the Danville Bee paper in Danville, Virginia.
He shot a man through the heart from behind with his shotgun.
I'll attach the articles I have about it.
He later died at the Eastern State Hospital.
Shut up. According to a family history book, one of my seventh great-grandfathers was murdered on his newly built plantation, in Athens, Georgia in 1797.
However, I haven't seen the original documents to verify it for certain.
And finally, one of my fourth great-granduncles and my fifth great-grandfather died in October of 1859
Wow. Anyway, that's all, y'all. I hope you enjoyed the twisted and fucked up story that is my family tree.
I sure do. I feel like I like I've become like a TikTok human and I just need to say, Holy Spirit, activate.
What is going on? You need help. And they thank you for attaching all the articles.
Hell yeah. We're going to have to post some of these.
Hell yeah. Because they are fascinating.
Wow. What a family tree you have. I would just be like really safe.
I'd be like really about my safety. Just be safe.
That's so scary. Just please be safe. Wow.
Wow. Okay. My next one is called listener tales.
How the fuck is my mom still alive? How?
This one is really funny. Hi, Ash and Alina.
You girls are the tits. I recently found your podcast and I look forward to listening every day.
I'm currently doing a challenge in which I have to do 45 minute workout outside every day.
And I swear the only reason I haven't given up in this Wisconsin cold as fuck weather is because I have you guys to keep me busy.
I love the listener tales, and I never thought I had a story to share with you until I heard Elena say that her worst fear is a home invasion.
And I said to myself, oh shit, Alina, I got one for you.
Oh no. It isn't what you think. which is almost more uncomfortable in some situations.
Oh, man. So about my mom. I don't know the words I would use to describe her in these situations, but it's important to understand how she is.
She doesn't give a fuck. Not in the she's a badass way, but more like she's just going about her life and doesn't really worry or consider consequences.
Oh man. I wouldn't even consider her ditzy, but some of the things I'm like, mom, what the fuck is actually happening in your head right now?
She's a runner, and one time she had to write a letter to the editor for our local newspaper because while she was out running, She ran into a moving car.
No, that wasn't a typo. You read that right.
She, while running, ran into the side of a moving car.
That's so fucking funny. I love it. She was fine.
She was fine. She ran It reminds me of the Gilmore Girls episode.
When she's like, a deer hit my car. You hit a deer with your car?
No, a deer ran into the side of my car. Luckily, she rolled out of the way of the car and she wasn't hurt, but she... had to apologize to the driver because she scared them shitless. imagine no somebody just runs just like yeets themselves into your car thank god it ended well wow another time Another time while we were roller skating down the street, I play roller derby and my mom got into it as well.
Hell yeah. That's really fucking cool. We came to a busy four-way stop.
Now my mom is still learning how to stop.
She basically can't now. but instead of slowing down way before we get to the intersection or even attempting to stop she just keeps on going hoping everyone will wait for I just see this mom in full roller derby attire.
She's just like, what? Just flying through the air.
What? And she's just like, arms in the air, just like, what?
Yeah. this is me i follow behind with my head down like an embarrassed middle schooler waving to all the cars hoping they understand my apology While I'm sure they're saying to themselves, what is this old broad doing on eight wheels?
She's going to die. Your mom sounds iconic.
She's not mad at you for expressing this to our listeners.
This is amazing. Oh man, hold on. Gotta get it together.
There are more instances like this. But here's the one where you are going to be yelling at her through your microphone.
I was probably around 12 years old. It was summer in Wisconsin, and these assholes, my parents, don't believe in air conditioning.
Yeah. We've always kept the doors and windows open in the summer to hopefully get some fresh air.
Yeah, I know it's for dead people. I was out this day running around with my neighborhood friends.
When I got home around dinner time, my mom said to me, Guess what happened to me today?
And she tells me, my mom was working in the basement.
My dad was out that day running errands or whatever.
Neither of my parents had conventional jobs when I was growing out, so they were always home or in and out.
Where my mom was in the basement is where my mom was in the basement is directly under the front door.
So you can easily hear someone come in or out.
She said she heard my dad come into the house and walk around, but he never came downstairs to talk to her.
After a while, she said it sounded like he was moving furniture around and it was loud.
So finally, she went upstairs to see what was going on.
When she got upstairs, she saw a man standing in our living room that she didn't recognize.
We have half a wall that separates the rooms and the couch was in front of the wall.
So she said she assumed he was with my dad and my dad was just sitting on the couch that she couldn't see.
Why would you assume that? I don't know.
She said, hello, and peeked into the room.
Hello. And peeked into the living room on the couch expecting to see my dad, but he wasn't there.
What? The man just kept looking at her. So she said, can I help you? you what else do you say and then it goes seriously mom no alarm bells He replied with, this is my house.
To which she replied, no, this is my house.
Calm as a motherfucking cucumber, apparently.
At this point, the man started looking around the house, kind of dazed and confused and Like he wasn't recognizing his surroundings.
What? But still, when she called the cops, she said it's not an emergency, but this man was in my house.
Was he older or was something? Well, the cops came and eventually found the guy.
He lived a few miles away and apparently had an epileptic seizure and was very confused. they got him home safe with his family so that's good that's good it was definitely innocent and we felt bad for this guy but the fact that my mom's first reaction wasn't one of panic or alarm is a real issue for me there's one more part of that that made me quite uncomfortable though Ooh. of ours they had to be the man's glasses i felt instantly gross like my space yeah invaded yeah he was in my room not cool My mom called the cops again to let them know, and those motherfuckers just gave-
Just gave her the guy's address so she had to drop them off.
What the fuck? Real nice police work, guys.
What? Are you kidding me? I'd be like, no, you can come and get them and bring them to me.
Or I'd be like, I'll bring them to the station for you.
But like, no. So my mom does lock the door now if she is in the basement.
Sorry, I fucked that up. My mom does lock the door now if she is in the basement at all, but that could have been so much worse.
I've always been more cautious than her, but since I've started listening to your podcast, I have to admit I'm more paranoid.
To the point that my husband has told me he might have to cut me off from all my true crime entertainment.
We've all been there. Yeah, we have. But damn it, I refuse to be one of your stories from someone being kidnapped, especially since I would probably be listening to your podcast while it happened.
LOL. Well that's fucked. It is. I'm always super aware of my surroundings. and I feel pretty confident that I could fuck someone up if they try me good for you man yeah right Last thing, I worked as a phlebotomist for seven years in a hospital in Milwaukee.
I worked the midnight shift for a few years and the lab was right next to the morgue.
Thank God I never had any weird experiences. but I did work with someone who worked with someone who worked with Jeffrey Dahmer at the chocolate factory.
Yeah, you did. Because I feel like everyone in Milwaukee has some kind of connection back there.
100%. Thank you for giving me yours. And she goes, that's as close as I needed to get.
Sure is. Thanks for being awesome, ladies.
I know I probably look crazy walking down the street laughing to myself while listening to you.
But it's my favorite part of the day. Keep it weird.
Liesel. Or Liesel. Rhymes with diesel. You can use my name.
Liesel. Liesel. Liesel. Yeah. Liesel. Liesel. hell yeah that is so fucking hell yeah i love that your mom was like no no this is my house this is my house let's have a war about this she was like i will fight you for this this is my house let's throw it out I love your mom.
She sounds wild. I think you are the funniest human.
Roller skates through a four-way stop. I love all of this.
You guys are killing it. All right. We have one last one.
It's super short, but I thought it was funny because I love a petty moment.
Me too. So this one's called Listener Tales, The Pettiest Man of Springfield, Illinois.
Let's go. Hey weirdos, first off, I want to express my gratitude for your podcast and banter.
I started listening during the first months of the pandemic and I've recommended you to six other people I talked to because I love it so much.
You all rock. Thank you. Anyhow, I wasn't really sure where this story fits, but I thought you would get a giggle out of it.
This story is about Roy Bertelli. aka Mr. Accordion, aka the pettiest man of Springfield.
I love this already. Roy was a World War II veteran and apparently quite the lover of the accordion.
One of his life goals was to be buried in Oak Ridge Cemetery, the same burial ground of one Abraham Lincoln and other famous Illinoisians.
If you get, I think that's how you say it.
If you get a chance, I recommend spending a day wandering the cemetery because it really is a cool historic place with a ton of old cemetery vibes.
I want to go there. I do too. So our boy Roy went to the cemetery office with no expectation of getting a plot because it is a very hot real estate market.
He was shocked when they not only sold him a plot, but one at the very entrance to the cemetery with a clear shot of lincoln's tomb holy shit however a few weeks later he received a letter from the cemetery office along with a letter from a lawyer stating that he was sold the plot by mistake and the cemetery would seize ownership from him.
That's your fault. That's your mistake, not mine.
A friend of Roy's suggests that he would have given back the plot if they had simply asked.
He's just a nice guy. The involvement of lawyers with threats did not sit well with this veteran.
He decided to fight them in court and won the right to his burial ground.
Hell yeah. The story doesn't end there.
He decided that the best way to say fuck you to the cemetery managers was to erect a large monument of his own with an engraving of his name an accordion and his self-proclaimed title of mr accordion not up They attach pictures in the email and it's amazing.
The large conversation ¶¶ When he died, he made sure that his monument dedicated to his love of the accordion would be taken care of in perpetuity.
And he decided to get buried in another cemetery across town.
Oh my God. He literally was like, so I'm going to put this shit here, but I'm not even going to get married here um he used it as a stage to play his accordion and then when he died he was like no thanks i am here Needless to say, Roy is amazing and full snaps to his level of petty.
100%. You bet your bottom dollar that I will be leaving flowers there in his honor.
Take care and keep it weird. I love that.
That was amazing. And the picture, wonderful. roy bertelli mr accordion it's got a giant accordion on it that's just my favorite I love it.
And it's like a flat tomb. Like amazing.
Yeah, it's beautiful actually. And it says lifetime dedication to the accordion and World War II veterans.
And it says... Roy Bertatelli, Mr. Accordion.
I love it. It's so beautiful. Guys, you really kill it.
You kill it every week with the... Listener tales.
They get better and better. They do. I'm obsessed with them.
Like it's so easy to find these now in our email.
We're like, yep, but it's hard to narrow them down.
I was literally just gonna say I'm like oh fuck I want to read that one and then you have to be like which one is better and then neither is better so then you're like all right let's Does this work with a kind of theme?
We'll just leave this one for next time.
But thank you guys so much. Keep sending them in. to morbidpodcast at gmail.com.
Make sure you put listener tales in the subject line because it helps us find it better.
Otherwise, we might miss it. And keep doing it.
You guys rock. Yeah. We hope you keep listening.
And we hope you... Keep... It... Weird.
But not so weird that the first one was so sad.
Don't keep it that weird. That's so weird that money grew on trees and you take somebody into the fucking dentist in the woods and it's just, don't do that.
That's so weird that you get cursed for your whole life and that you mistake a dead-ass body for a mannequin because you should question your entire career.
And actually, now that I think of it, everybody on that police force absolutely should have been fired.
Yeah, definitely keep it so weird that you have a friend that lives in the plug hole because that's just amazing.
Keep it so weird that. No, no, no. Don't keep it so weird that literally everybody in your family has been murdered.
Keep it so weird as that person's mom, Liesl's mom, because I'm actually like dying at all of her entire life.
I love her so much. I think she has great energy and I think you should too in death.
Definitely keep it so weird that you are petty as fuck up until your dying day like the accordion man of Illinois.
Roy, accordion noise, insert it here. If you like Morbid, you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
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