This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 1038, Attending a Dinner Party?
How to Be a Great Guest in English.
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Are you getting a lot of dinner party invitations this season, wondering what you should bring when you get invited to a dinner party in American culture.
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Hey, Lindsay.
How's it going?
Hey, Michelle.
It's going so well.
It's going so well.
Yeah.
How about you?
What's up?
Yeah, everything's going really well.
I have a question.
Have you been to any dinner parties lately?
Yes, I know I have.
I just can't think of which ones.
Yeah, for sure.
I mean this weekend I'm going out to Colorado to visit my friend's family and I'm sure we'll have a dinner party out there for sure.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
So when you're going to visit your friend's family, are you going to bring them anything like as a gift?
That's a good question.
So I'm a little bit on the fence about this.
I know I'm supposed to.
I know when I come to visit, when I stay at someone's home, I should bring a gift, but I'm not quite sure what to bring.
So I'm kind of on the fence.
But yeah, in general, I would bring a gift to a dinner party.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, me too, because I've been to a few recently.
I don't know, just something about the time of year.
And yeah, I tend to, sometimes it can be a little bit hard to figure out if you should or not.
And I don't know kind of I wonder about in places around the world, like in other cultures, is it common that you also feel that you should bring something, or not?
But I mean, I think in American culture, it's pretty important.
What do you think, Lindsay?
I think it's pretty important to not show up empty-handed.
Oh, actually, yeah.
Now I remember one.
We had dinner actually with my best friend from middle school and high school last Friday.
And we went out there with her and her husband.
And we brought some beer.
We brought some craft beer and two bottles of wine.
Totally.
Typically you might show up with a bottle of wine beer if you know the person likes a special kind of beer or a dish.
But are we talking about gifts like physical gifts or what do you usually bring, Michelle?
Yeah.
I mean, it really depends on the situation.
I don't think that I usually bring like a real like gift gift.
Like I'm not going to give someone like a shirt.
That would be weird.
Yeah.
You know, I wouldn't say it's something like that.
More something having to do with like the home or a meal or something like that.
But that's what we're going to go into a little bit more today, because we may have some listeners who are maybe living in the US and they're invited to a dinner party.
And you know you don't want to kind of like you said I liked what your phrase was was you don't want to show up empty handed.
Right, Lindsay?
Yeah, I think this is the perfect topic for this time of year.
Like you said, you're going to a lot of dinner parties.
And our listeners will be doing that because well, you know, the fall season is coming.
People like to have dinner parties and warm, you know, stay inside and be cozy in the fall.
And then and then Thanksgiving comes and then we roll into Christmas parties.
So yeah, this is good.
This is good right okay awesome, all right so, but what do we want to remind our listeners of before we get started?
All right.
So guys, we want to remind you.
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And Michelle, I want to say thank you to our reviewers, people who reviewed us in Apple Podcasts.
So thank you to let's see Masa D from Japan, Christian Souza from Brazil and Ekrem Bey from Turkey and someone from Russia on September 10th.
Michelle, these are great reviews.
People are saying that they are improving their listening skills.
They're feeling motivated.
Doesn't that feel great to read these reviews?
That makes me so happy to hear that.
Like you know, I love hearing that people you know like the show and especially when they say, like you know, it's motivating or that it's improving their skills.
Like, oh my gosh, that means so much.
Like, I am so honored actually, really.
That's awesome, Michelle.
It's so good.
So guys yeah, if you haven't reviewed the show, make sure you do it.
We want to see what you think about the show.
We want to see your question for a topic inside your review.
That's a great place to ask your question Michelle, what kind of questions do we like?
We like specific questions.
Exactly.
The more specific, the better.
That's right.
That's right.
All right.
Well, thank you again.
All right.
So let's get back into it, Lindsay.
So what you should do, I mean, what should you do if you're invited to a dinner party?
So, you know, of course, you're going to figure out if you're going or not.
But let's say you decide that you're going.
I think that there are kind of two major steps that you want to think about.
Do you want to hear what they are?
Yeah.
What are they?
I need to know because sometimes I get confused too.
Oh, gosh.
All right.
Well, this is what I would do.
So typically, I think that you should ask if the host needs you to bring something, right?
Like maybe you want to contribute something to the meal.
Maybe, I mean, I've had friends say, sure, could you make a salad or something like that, right?
Yeah, yeah, that's good.
So first you can just be direct.
And then I think if the host says no this is number two.
Unless you're like this is your best friend and you know for sure they really actually mean no and you guys go over to each other's place a lot then you should still consider bringing something.
So even if they say, oh, no, no, I'm good, thanks.
I mean, I still think you should bring something.
What do you think?
I do.
I do.
I mean, I like to I think we're going to get into the phrases in just a minute.
But I even lean for number one.
I lean even more into like just saying you know, what should I bring?
Just assuming that I'm going to bring something and just tell me what it is.
Yeah, that's like, yeah, yeah, we're definitely gonna get into that.
So I like that a lot.
But yeah, I mean, even if they say no like, don't necessarily take it as Oh, then it doesn't matter if I don't go, if I don't get it right right.
Right, you might still want to pick something up, even if they say they don't need anything at all.
And you know, you could let them know or not.
But you could even just surprise, because on the way over I just picked up some brownies for dessert.
You could do something simple like that And then if no one wants to eat them, it doesn't matter.
The point is, you're bringing this over as a gift because this person is going way out of their way to host you for dinner.
Right, right.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So we're going to get into that in a second.
Like, how can you ask these things?
But before we do that, we want to direct you guys to a great episode.
It was episode 795.
And we went into this topic just a little bit.
And we talked about the difference between bring and take, which can be kind of tricky right, Lindsay?
Yeah.
Yeah, this is perfect.
And when it comes to the context of bringing something, or taking something to dinner, this is the perfect example, guys.
So to learn the differences between bring and take, go and look at that episode right there.
If you're listening inside the app, at allearsenglish.com forward slash bonuses.
You can search for 795 in the search bar or you can be on our website too, at allearsenglishcom.
Forward slash episodes and type in 795.
Awesome.
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Perfect.
All right.
So let's get into it.
So how do you ask?
What could you say if you say, okay, great.
I'm coming to the party.
Woohoo.
Right?
Okay.
What's the first thing you could say, Lindsay?
Okay.
So I just add a bonus of what I would say.
I was just like, what can I bring?
Or you could say, is there anything I can bring?
Right.
So we have, is there anything I can bring?
And then my version of what can I bring, which is what you said.
Guys, we all have different ways of saying similar things.
I said, tell me what I can bring.
I mean, but this is something that I wanted to talk about.
So what's the difference between is there anything I can bring and tell me what can I bring?
Um, tell me what i can bring.
Yeah, i think that the second one so those two other ideas what can i bring or tell me what i can bring are assuming you're going to bring something.
Yeah, it's a yes or yes scenario.
Right right right right, so tell me what i can bring.
It's like oh, you don't have a choice, i'm bringing something.
In a nice way.
It's not like tell you better, tell me what i can bring.
But it's just kind of like oh, tell me what I can bring.
I'm not even giving.
I'm saying I will bring something.
I'm going to help you out with something.
Right.
Exactly.
Exactly.
And then there's a few others like, let me know what I can make for the meal.
Right.
So this one is let me know.
Right.
So it's similar.
Right.
Also, like another way to be like, well, I'm bringing something.
Just tell me what it should be.
Yeah.
I'm imagining this conversation maybe happening by text message, by email.
It could happen in person, too, or on the phone.
But these phrases, I would say, would work for any of those contexts.
Don't you think so?
I think so.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
And then I mean and just one other like little bonus.
I could say like oh, is there anything you need or something like that, right.
Because we talked about, I mentioned that earlier.
So that's something you could say as well.
And then there's one last thing where it could kind of imply that you're bringing something.
What is it, Lindsay?
Well, so asking about dietary restrictions nowadays, this is huge, right?
This is huge.
So do you or any of the other guests have any dietary restrictions?
I'd like to make something for dessert or something for an appetizer.
Yeah.
So you do want to ask that.
I mean, these days there's lots of different diets and some people have allergies.
So we want to be careful.
Right, right, right.
Definitely.
So that's an important one.
And it also shows, okay, I'm bringing something, right?
So I think that these are all good, but they kind of vary in terms of how direct they are.
Like, tell me is different than is there or something like that, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
For sure.
And it's about tone of voice as well if you're speaking in person.
But all of these are going to be polite because, I mean, you are offering to bring something to their home.
So it's a custom.
This is a custom.
This is a tradition in American culture to bring something with you when you go to someone's home for dinner.
Yeah, right.
So when we say direct, it's not like in a bad way.
So saying like, oh, tell me what I can bring isn't rude.
It's not like invasive or anything like that.
But it's just a little bit more like, oh, I want to bring something, right?
Yeah, absolutely.
I like it.
I like it.
Okay.
Okay.
So, I mean, if they say no, right?
No, no, we're good.
Thanks.
Anyway, what's something you could say?
Well, so you could just bring something anyways.
Or you could just say, okay, great.
Let me know if you change your mind.
Right.
And then still bring something anyway.
Still bring something.
Or you could say, oh, sounds good.
I can't wait.
Right.
Yeah.
So just those kind of simple phrases.
I mean, you don't have to argue with them and say, no, no, I want to bring something.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, in the end, we're... Yeah.
Yeah.
So I think just kind of accept it and then know that, okay, this is my cue.
Like if they ask you to bring something specific, like if my friend says, oh, can you bring a salad?
Could you make an appetizer?
I don't know.
Would you bring something extra?
Yeah um, in addition to the salad or the appetizer, i might bring the appetizer or the salad and maybe a bottle of wine yeah, maybe.
Yeah, you know, and then that gets a little bit tricky with the wine, because we're gonna lead into the things you can bring now right michelle, but with the wine like, i often want to know what the person's serving, to know what goes with the one, like what kind of wine would oh wow, you're fancy.
I never think oh really, okay.
Well, i mean, i'm not sure i can always correlate it correctly, but i at least want to find out right, like you know, if it's like a white fish or something with a red is kind of could be a little bit weird.
But i'm not that snobby, i promise i'm not.
That's so funny, So okay.
So if they say no, or even if they say yes and you want to bring something in addition, or you want to bring something because they told you not to bring something, whatever it is,
So we said, so what can you bring?
So I said, yeah, a bottle of wine.
So we talked about what else could you bring?
So dessert, I mean, you can't go wrong just getting some cupcakes, right?
Or a pie or brownies.
You can never go wrong with some cookies.
Just, I don't know, something simple.
Dessert is always value added, right, Michelle?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
If somebody shows up with dessert, no one's going to be mad.
Right.
You could also bring flowers, like a nice flower arrangement that could be the centerpiece on the table.
That could be kind of nice.
Right, definitely.
Or I mean, you could bring like a little gift.
I mean, like I said, you're not going to bring something like a shirt or like a book.
A gift certificate.
I don't know.
Yeah, like...
That would be super weird.
Maybe like a candle arrangement.
Yeah, like something that would be related to the room where you're dining, or the kitchen, or the experience you're all having together.
Right, right.
Exactly.
Yeah, something for the home, maybe a little, I don't know what.
I like the candle arrangement.
That's a nice one.
But I think most frequently it's usually like wine or dessert or flowers or something like that.
Yeah, it's really about it's really about the food for sure.
Yeah.
And I mean, don't worry if somebody said like, oh, I don't need you to bring anything.
Don't worry if you still bring food like it's not now impolite.
You're not overshadowing their meal or anything like that.
No, I agree.
I agree.
No, this is great.
This is really an important topic, Michelle.
I like it.
All right.
Awesome.
Yes.
Good.
Thanks.
All right.
So, should we give it a try?
Yeah.
Let's do a quick role play.
So, what's happening here?
Okay, well, you are having a dinner party and we are going to talk about the plan.
So, guys, we're not going to use every single phrase, of course, but we chose a couple.
Okay, cool.
All right, here we go.
So, hey, Michelle, are you free to come to my dinner party on the 28th?
Oh, sure.
I'd love to.
Thanks for the invite.
What time?
8 p.m.
Great.
Is there anything I can bring?
Nope.
Just yourself.
Okay, great.
Let me know if you change your mind.
Yeah.
So that's a common thing for people to say, no, just bring yourself.
Right.
That's so common.
Yeah yeah yeah, just bring yourself, or just exactly yeah, when they don't really need anything else.
Yeah, and also i said um, when you asked me if i wanted to come, i said thanks for the invite.
That's kind of seems like a natural thing.
Oh yeah yeah, very natural right, instead of invitation, thanks for the invite.
Yeah, i love it super native here today michelle definitely, definitely.
You know so, of course, you know, maybe in the future we could do something about, like if you're staying at someone's house like for a longer period, you know, but this is like pretty good, pretty typical for a dinner party, I think.
And yeah, so again, just here, you know, I said, Is there anything I can bring?
And you said no.
And I said, Let me know if you can change your mind.
So really simple, friendly, right?
Yeah, I think this is good.
A quick, quick conversation about it.
And then you don't need to keep coming back to it.
You know what I mean?
I mean, I think I think we pretty much covered it here today.
And then kind of the extension topic that we don't have time for today but kind of is related to this, is when you're staying at someone's home.
Yeah.
Right.
Like this weekend, we're going to be staying with my roommate's family out in Colorado.
And certainly I feel like we should bring something, but I'm just not sure what we're going to bring.
And I'm getting a little bit like, OK, what are we going to bring?
You'll have to let us know what you end up deciding.
Yeah, I know.
Maybe it's just more we'll take them out for dinner.
That's another option.
Right.
That's true.
Oh.
That's really good.
Yeah, we should definitely do a follow up on this.
That's another interesting topic because I'm sure our listeners are also staying with people as house guests.
Absolutely.
But we don't have time for it today.
But what's the takeaway today, Michelle?
Yeah, guys, it's important to know this proper etiquette, right?
I don't know across cultures, like is it common to bring something?
I'm not sure.
Let us know definitely in the comments.
Mm-hmm.
But, you know, these are the phrases that you're going to need.
You know this, you know kind of like these two steps to think about when somebody invites you for dinner and it's just going to make you feel comfortable.
It's going to make your connection even stronger.
And, you know, that's what this is all about.
Right, Lindsay?
Yeah, I think when in doubt, always ask, you know what I mean?
Like it's better to ask if you should bring something rather than just assume you shouldn't, or assume you should just kind of communicate, connect and communicate.
That's what this show is all about, guys.
Perfect.
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Forward slash subscribe.
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Very cool.
Okay.
Perfect.
All right.
Well, have good dinner parties, everyone.
And Lindsay, let us know what happens.
Okay.
Sounds good, Michelle.
Talk to you soon.
All right.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
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