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Hey everybody, this is Connor and you're listening to episode 66 of the listening time podcast.
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All right, today we're going to talk about manners.
So manners refer to the way a person behaves towards other people or in front of other people.
So we'll be talking about good manners and bad manners in today's episode.
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All right, let's get started.
Are your ears ready?
You know what time it is.
It's listening time.
Okay, so let's talk about manners.
As I mentioned, when we talk about manners in English, we're talking about the way that a person behaves toward others or in front of others, things that are considered to be polite or not polite.
So I'll mainly be talking about good manners in the US, but if I can I'll try to compare these to manners in other countries, if I know enough to talk about that.
But I'll talk mostly about the manners that are considered to be good or bad in the US.
So first, let's talk about table manners.
This is a very good topic because it's different in different countries, and I've experienced this, having lived abroad, so I know that table manners are not universal and They're manners that depend on each individual culture.
So first, I want to mention that in the U.S., I feel like table manners are kind of fading away.
In English, when we say the phrase fade away, we're saying that something is disappearing.
So I feel like table manners in the U.S. are fading away.
And now we don't have a very high standard for the things you need to do when you're at the dinner table.
But a couple generations ago, or maybe just one generation ago...
Table manners were still taught and children still learned what to do and what not to do at the table.
And there was a very clear code, a very clear set of rules that you were supposed to follow.
And I even remember that when I was in third grade, when I was eight years old, I learned these table manners at school, actually.
We had one or two days in specific where we actually learned what to do and what not to do at the dinner table and we practiced with this.
And we had the homework of going home and practicing at home with our families too.
And I remember doing this.
So that's pretty interesting, because I'm almost positive that nowadays in school in the US children do not learn table manners.
I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that's the case.
I'm pretty sure... that this has faded away and people don't learn this in school nowadays.
So let's talk a little bit about some good etiquette.
That isn't taught anymore, but that I was taught when I was a kid.
By the way, etiquette just refers to manners or the certain standards or the code of rules that you have in some area.
So we're going to talk about good table etiquette.
So let's talk about how we hold our utensils and how we use our utensils.
The word utensils refers to forks, spoons, and knives, those things.
So I'm not an expert on this, so I might not know exactly how to use each one, but I'm going to speak from my experience of what I think.
I remember that I learned when I was a child.
So, for example, when you're cutting meat, let's say you're eating a big steak, right?
You're supposed to cut the meat with the knife in your right hand and then the fork in your left hand.
And then if I'm not mistaken, you're supposed to put your knife down after you cut it.
And then you switch hands and then you eat with your right hand.
So you put the fork in your right hand and you eat it.
I'm not sure if this is what people always do and I'm not sure if this is 100 correct, but I've been told by several people that this is how you're supposed to eat your meat.
And I can honestly say that I don't do this.
I just keep my fork in my left hand and my knife in my right hand, and I just eat with my left hand.
So I'm sure that if I did this in front of someone who really values good table etiquette, they probably wouldn't be happy with me.
But this is what feels easy for me, so I do it.
And another thing that I do wrong is that I use the wrong spoon.
When I eat different types of food with the spoon.
So we have this small spoon and we have a big spoon in the US at least.
And they have different uses.
These spoons are used to eat different things.
And you're supposed to use the small spoon for this food, but a big spoon for that food.
But I always prefer just using the small spoon for everything.
I know this might be a little strange, but I don't like putting this big spoon in my mouth.
I just prefer the smaller one.
So no matter what it is that I'm eating, I always use this small spoon.
And sometimes my dad comments on this and he says, oh, you brought out the wrong spoon.
And I say, no, this is the one I prefer to use.
I just use this for everything.
So as you can see, I don't use my utensils very well.
I don't follow the normal etiquette.
I just use them according to my preferences.
So that's one thing that I don't do right, so to say.
But I'm sure for a lot of you, it doesn't really matter.
You probably don't care too much about how someone uses their utensils either.
So another thing that you're not supposed to do at the dinner table in the US is put your elbows on the table.
I think this is also the case in a lot of other countries.
I'm not sure exactly, but I remember hearing other people tell me the same thing.
So when I was a kid, it was still considered bad manners to put your elbows on the table and keep them there while you're eating.
Nowadays, i feel like everybody does this.
I think that everybody puts their elbows on the table.
No one really pays much attention to this, and i don't think people get offended by this, and i don't know exactly where this comes from, where this custom of not putting your elbows on the table.
I don't know where that comes from and I don't know why it's considered rude to put your elbows on the table, but that was something that I still heard when I was a kid.
But like I said, nowadays, I don't think it's a big deal.
Another thing that's very important, or at least it used to be very important when I was a kid.
I'm not sure if it still is, but when I was a kid we would always wait for everyone to be seated at the table before we started eating.
This was really important.
We didn't start eating before other people were at the table.
And another thing is we didn't start eating before the other people were served their food.
So, for example, when I went to restaurants as a kid, if the waiter brought out my food first, I would usually wait until the other people had their food in front of them.
And then we would all start together.
This is something that's different in different countries.
I know this for a fact here in Mexico where I live.
I rarely see people wait for everyone else to have their food before they start.
And you can even see this difference in the way that waiters and waitresses bring out their diner's food.
In English, you can use the word diner to refer to the person who's eating at a restaurant.
So these are the diners.
So you can see a difference in the way waiters and waitresses bring food to the diners in restaurants here, because a lot of times they bring one person's food and then they don't bring the other person's food until like five minutes later.
In the US, in most places, this would not be good.
People would be pretty frustrated if this happened.
But in Mexico, it seems to happen quite a bit in my experience.
In English, the phrase quite a bit just means a lot, right?
So this happens a lot.
This happens quite a bit here in Mexico.
So I think that different cultures think differently about this custom.
In the U.S., we always think that you're supposed to wait for other people.
It's bad manners to start eating before the other person has their food.
But in Mexico, it's not a big deal.
I rarely have meals with people here where everyone starts eating at the same time and they're all sitting at the table together.
This is very different here.
And another thing that I wasn't allowed to do when I was a kid was was have electronics at the table and watch TV when I was eating.
So we didn't do any of that when I was a kid, when I ate meals with my family.
But nowadays you see this everywhere.
People have the TV on in the background.
And the kids have their cell phones out or their tablet or whatever.
This is really common nowadays.
But when I was a kid, we were supposed to just sit down at the table and talk to our family members, talk about our day, and not be distracted by these devices.
In English, the word device refers to some electronic machine like a cell phone or a tablet or whatever that you interact with.
So we weren't supposed to be distracted with these devices.
We were supposed to pay attention to the other people sitting at the table.
So that was one other custom that I was taught.
And one other thing in terms of table manners is that a couple of generations ago it was still very, very normal.
It was the standard for kids to ask to be excused before they left the table.
So if a child finished his food and he wanted to go up and do his homework or something because he needed to do something else, if everyone else was still at the table he would have to ask his parents if he could be excused from the table.
So he couldn't just leave and go away.
He had to ask for permission.
So he would say, may I be excused, for example.
And his parents would have to give him permission and then he could leave.
This almost never happens nowadays.
I've like never seen this before.
So I think that this died out a couple generations ago.
In English, when we say that something dies out, it just means that it goes away.
It fades away.
It disappears.
It dies out.
All right.
Now let's talk about one other big category of manners, which is when we're talking to other people.
So, of course, everyone learns that it's important to say please and thank you.
This is an example of good manners when you say please and thank you, when you're asking for things, when you're talking to people.
So I think this is standard in pretty much every country, I would guess.
But there are other things that are a little bit different in different countries.
For example, in the US, it's important to be more indirect when you're talking to people.
We are not a direct culture in our communication.
We prefer to be indirect and And so we ask a lot of indirect questions.
For example, let's say that you want to know where the bathroom is.
You're at a restaurant or something and you ask the waiter about the bathroom.
We would not say, where's the bathroom?
We would say, could you tell me where the bathroom is?
Right.
So we would ask this more indirect question to sound more polite, because in the US if you ask very direct questions it can sound rude actually.
And I often have to tell my students this, because many students of mine say say sentences like this, please tell me the answer, or they'll say please respond when you can, or something like that.
And they think that if they just add the word please to any sentence, then it sounds nice.
But in English, it usually sounds rude if you give someone a command.
We don't like to be commanded.
We like to be asked indirectly.
So instead of saying, please tell me the answer, we would say, could you tell me the answer?
We don't even need the word please here.
It doesn't really do much.
You could say, could you please tell me the answer?
But the please isn't necessary.
So, as you can see, we prefer to be very indirect in the US.
This is considered polite and good manners.
And another thing is that we very frequently use the word sorry in English, in the US at least.
So we apologize for a lot of things, even if we didn't do anything wrong.
Like maybe we just want to ask someone a question.
We have to go up to someone and ask them for some information.
We might start our sentence with...
Sorry, could you tell me?
And then ask the question.
So this is something that is considered to be polite in the US to apologize a lot, say sorry, say excuse me.
That's another one that's good.
So we like to use all of these phrases and we like to sound as indirect as possible.
Another thing that's considered good manners in the U.S. is to make small talk.
So this isn't necessarily something that everyone likes, but it's considered good manners.
It's considered polite to make small talk with people and not to just be in silence, for example, or just be really direct with them.
It's nice to just make a little bit of small talk to be friendly to other people.
That's something that you can maybe practice with and get better at.
Not everyone is good at this, but it's a good skill to have in the US.
And one other thing that I wanted to mention is that in the US it's very normal to introduce yourself and introduce other people that you're bringing to some social situation.
And it's important to introduce everyone and get everyone's name and tell them your name.
This is always something that I did growing up.
However, in Mexico, where I live now, I find that it's very common for people to not really introduce themselves well.
So sometimes if you go to a social event and you see a lot of other people there that you don't know, It's very common for you to still not know any of their names by the end of the event if you don't spend a lot of time talking to them.
But in the US it's common for people to introduce everyone.
Even if you're not going to talk to them, even if you're probably not going to say anything else to them during the event, you still introduce yourself, or you introduce your date, who you brought to the event.
This is very important in the US.
So that's an important thing to know.
And lastly, just a couple things that you're not supposed to talk about with people or ask about in social situations is in the US, you're not supposed to ask people about their salary.
You're not supposed to ask people about how much money they make.
I've actually heard that, at least in one other country in particular.
This is actually normal for people to ask other people about their salaries.
So I don't think this is the case in every country, but at least in the US this would be considered rude to ask someone how much money they make.
This is usually a secret.
It's usually even a secret for the children, at least when I was growing up.
I didn't know how much money my parents made.
So this is kind of a private thing for a lot of people.
I think it might depend on the person, of course, but in general, you probably want to refrain from asking people this question.
In English, the verb refrain just means that you don't do something.
So if you refrain from doing something, it means you don't do it.
And one other thing that you might not want to ask people is their age.
So this will depend on how old they are.
And it's also different with men and women.
But usually, if you're talking to a woman, it's not polite to ask her her age.
For a man, I think it's more acceptable, but at least for women, it might be more of a secret.
So that's something that you might not want to do.
All right.
Well, why don't we stop there for today?
I hope this episode was interesting for you and I hope you learned a little bit about manners in the US.
Remember that if you need my training, my help to reach an advanced level of listening and understanding, And I'll see you next time in which I speak at normal speed so you can practice with fast English.
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All right, thank you for listening to this episode and I'll talk to you on the next episode of Listening Time.
