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This is the first in a two-part series on softening negative replies.
No is one of the strongest words in any language because it carries so much force.
No is hard to say politely.
And yet giving a negative reply disagreeing, refusing a request these are all things we have to do on a daily basis.
So it's important to learn how to say no in a way that enables you to maintain good relationships.
In many cases, This requires you to take a softer and more indirect approach.
So today, you'll work on ways to soften negative replies in a variety of everyday situations.
But Clayton, isn't it necessary sometimes to give a strong no?
Well, of course.
In English, there's an idiom.
Some people just won't take no for an answer.
That means for some people, a soft no just doesn't work, right?
When you say no indirectly, some people don't understand or pretend not to understand.
That's right.
Some situations and people definitely require a direct, strong no.
But that's not our focus today, right?
Not today.
Today we're going to look at language that is useful for situations where a soft no is more appropriate.
Obviously, being able to soften your negative replies is a very important business communication skill.
But it's up to you to decide when to use a soft style.
Okay, so tell us about the listening today.
Remember Nicholas Fisher?
In BEP 35 and 36 on Closing Presentations.
He was the European sales director for Harper Toland, a global producer of special-purpose steel.
In today's show he's flying into Kiev to support local sales staff by meeting with a large potential customer, Avitek.
This is a Ukrainian company that manufactures cargo and firefighting aircraft.
In our dialogue.
Nick is being met at the airport by Harper Tolan's sales manager in the Ukraine, Oksana Ivanchuk.
As you listen, try to answer the following questions.
The answers will be posted in a few days at www.businessenglishpod.com.
First, has Nick been to the Ukraine before?
And two, what day of the week is it?
So, Nick, is this your first time to Kiev?
No, it isn't, actually.
I was here two years ago.
Really?
How long did you stay?
Just a few days.
Business, you know.
Do you want a hand with one of your bags?
No, thanks.
I can manage.
So, have we got the meeting schedule worked out for tomorrow?
Actually, I just spoke to Avatek, and it looks like they want to do it on Friday now.
Really?
Yeah.
You don't think we could somehow convince them to move the meeting back up to Thursday, do you?
I'm not so sure about that.
I'm meeting some big clients on the Costa del Sol for a golf trip this weekend, so I was hoping to fly out early and make it there by Friday evening if possible.
Well, to be honest, I'm not sure they can manage that.
The GM of Avatek is keen to meet you, but he's tied up till Friday with some government visitors.
I see.
I guess there's nothing we can do about that, then.
You don't expect any other delays, do you?
No, of course not.
I'm sure they'll keep this meeting.
Good.
Wow, it's chilly here, huh?
Do you really think so?
We're having a warm spring.
Really?
I'd hate to see what a cold spring was like.
Don't worry.
The people are warm-hearted.
The car's over here, this way.
Notice that throughout the dialogue, both Nick and Oksana have to say no several times.
So let's study closely how they maintain a polite, friendly tone in their conversation.
What is the first no we hear?
Listen again.
So Nick, is this your first time to Kiev?
No, it isn't actually.
I was here two years ago.
This is an example of a skillful negative reply to a conversational question.
To keep the conversation going, Nick can't simply say no to Oksana's question.
He has to do a couple of things to make this reply polite and cooperative.
First, instead of a simple no, he gives a short answer.
No, it isn't.
He could also say, not really.
Next, Nicholas uses actually.
This usually indicates that something is new or surprising.
In other words, it's surprising that I have to say no.
Thus, the use of actually works to soften a negative reply.
What are some other softeners?
You can say, frankly speaking, To be honest, or you can try some of the other techniques we studied in BEP24 diplomatic language.
Then, finally Nick gives extra information.
He says, I was here two years ago.
This extra information makes Nick sound more friendly by giving Oksana a chance to develop the topic, which she does.
She says, really, how long did you stay?
So again, Nick's reply consists of one, a short answer.
Two, the use of actually, to be honest or I'm afraid to soften the statement.
And third, extra information to keep the conversation going.
Let's listen to some more examples.
Aren't you George from the technical division?
Actually, I'm not, I'm afraid.
But I know him.
Smart guy.
Do you smoke?
Sorry, I've kicked the habit myself.
But I don't mind if you do.
You speak Polish, don't you?
No, I'm afraid I don't.
But my grandfather was Polish.
Do you like baseball?
Sorry, not really.
To be honest, I'm not a big fan.
How about yourself?
Wasn't that just the best movie you've ever seen?
Frankly speaking, it wasn't my favorite.
But I did think the story was interesting.
Note that actually is often used together with other softeners such as actually not I'm afraid or, to be honest, I don't actually.
As we have seen, actually can be put at the beginning, middle, or the end of a sentence.
As for the extra information to keep the conversation going, as we have seen, it can also consist of a question.
For example, would you like another drink?
Or how about you?
Why don't you give it a try?
You'll hear a series of conversational questions.
Respond to each question in the negative, that is, by saying no.
But do it politely.
Use softeners, such as actually, sorry, to be honest, and I'm afraid not.
Then end your reply with some extra information or a question that could be used to keep the conversation going.
Are you ready?
Do you like a good English breakfast?
Is this your first time here?
Do you like baseball?
How'd you do?
Let's listen to some example answers.
Do you like a good English breakfast?
Actually, I'm afraid it's not my favorite thing in the world.
How about yourself?
Is this your first time here?
No, it isn't actually.
I was here last year.
Do you like baseball?
Not really.
To be honest, I don't know very much about it.
How about you?
To practice fluency, you should rewind and give it a few more tries.
Keep in mind that these are just examples.
There are obviously many different possible ways to respond appropriately.
So it would be good practice to substitute and try out different words and phrases.
For example, first try to be honest, and the next time, try using frankly speaking.
In this way, substitution can build up your fluency.
Now, let's get back to the dialogue.
What is the next time someone has to say no in the dialogue?
Do you want a hand with one of your bags?
No thanks.
I can manage.
So, have we got the meeting schedule worked out for tomorrow?
Nicholas' saying, no thanks, I can manage, is an example of politely refusing an offer of help.
What else can you say?
Let's listen to some example dialogues.
Do you want a hand?
No, it's all right.
Thanks.
Can I get that for you?
That's all right.
Thanks.
I've got it, I think.
Now Nick asks Oksana about the meeting schedule, but Oksana has to reply that the meeting has been postponed from tomorrow to Friday.
How does she do this?
So, have we got the meeting schedule worked out for tomorrow?
Actually, I just spoke to Avatek and it looks like they want to do it on Friday now.
It's worth noting that Oksana doesn't ever say no here.
The word actually is enough to indicate that a reply is negative.
As Oksana shows us, you can often avoid saying no altogether.
How does the dialogue continue?
Really?
You don't think we could somehow convince them to move the meeting back up to Thursday, do you?
I'm not so sure about that.
By saying I'm not sure about that.
Oksana is trying to refuse Nick gently by preparing him for a negative answer.
She knows the answer is no, but she doesn't want to refuse him too suddenly.
So first she says, I'm not so sure.
This is called letting someone down gently.
Giving someone a little time to get used to the refusal.
Letting someone down gently is often an effective way to soften a negative reply.
Let's listen to some more language you can use.
I'm not so sure about that.
It's really hard to say, actually.
I've got some good news and some bad news.
Which do you want to hear first?
To tell you the truth, that might be a little tough.
And that just about does it for today's show.
We'll be continuing the debrief of the dialogue in a few days during the second part of this series.
We'll be looking at further ways to refuse a request and disagree politely.
You'll also learn what to be tied up with someone means and see how idioms can be used to help soften a negative tone.
Today, you've practiced an indirect or gentle style to soften negative replies in conversations.
This kind of soft style is helpful in maintaining a cooperative and friendly atmosphere and in keeping good relations with partners, customers and colleagues.
Take care and study hard.
See you again soon at Business English Pod.
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