This is the Business English Podcast, Episode 531, How to Politely Turn Down Offers in English.
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This is Real Business English, with your favorite American hosts, Lindsay and Aubrey, coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, USA.
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Hey there, Aubrey.
What's going on for you today?
I'm great, Lindsay.
It's a beautiful day in Arizona.
How are you?
Oh, that's a nice day in Colorado too.
So I love that.
I'm feeling good.
Have you had to turn someone down lately?
I'm not sure, maybe socially or professionally, I have no idea.
I did, I had to.
I had a friend who was hosting this amazing party.
It was such a great idea.
That was like a holiday party where you would bring a new wrapped book that you had, or I can't remember if it was supposed to be new or not, because I couldn't go.
Unfortunately we had another holiday party that night, so I had to turn her down and I was really bummed because I loved this idea to bring a book you had read and loved to give away and then go home with another book.
That's a nice thoughtful, creative idea, right.
Yeah.
And so how did you feel because you had to say, no, I have other plans.
I always feel terrible when I have to turn someone down.
It's especially, you know, especially when you actually do want to go.
But even if I don't, I still feel bad.
I worry that someone will feel rejected or that I don't care about the relationship because I'm turning them down.
I worry that they won't trust me, that I really do have other plans and they'll think I just don't want to go.
There's a lot going on in your head, but you're not the only one.
I feel the same thing because I also feel like if I have to turn someone down, I kind of feel empathy, because it takes a lot to reach out and invite someone to do something.
Right.
So it's like if I say no, it's like you just kind of feel bad a little bit.
Right.
And there's only so much you can do to sort of explain why you can't go, or at some point it feels like you're over explaining and maybe you don't.
And maybe you're making up a story, right?
Exactly.
So this is really good.
This is what we're getting into today how we can turn people down, turn offers down politely, especially in the business world.
So this comes from our listener, Gamse Tamur.
And I'll go ahead and read the question, shall I, Aubrey?
Yes.
Okay.
Hello, All Ears English team.
I usually listen to your podcast with my morning coffee, and your cheerful voices always hype me up for the day.
Well, that's great to hear.
I love that.
Yeah, we love that.
We love that.
Thank you, Gamse.
Okay.
Sincerely, Gamze.
Love it.
Yes, this is such a great question.
And, just like you said Lindsay, this is especially important at work because and in our everyday life as well,
Of course, if we have to turn someone down, we want to be polite.
But this is vital often if it's with clients or business relationships, that we make sure to do this politely and preserve the relationship.
And there's a whole other layer.
We talked about culture issues.
Um, I think this is changing.
For example, in Japan.
I lived there for a while, or listeners know so I have some insight there.
But I know that in Japanese culture, in traditional corporate Japanese culture, you're actually expected to go out for drinks with your coworkers after work.
And again, it might be changing.
I think it is changing, but how do you navigate that situation?
Right?
So tricky.
I remember when I was a teacher in New York city.
I was married and had two children, and everyone else was single.
Um, And they were doing happy hours all the time, inviting me to all these things.
And I needed to get home to help with my kids.
So I was turning them down constantly.
They understood.
They knew I had kids.
But it was tricky, right, to navigate.
They were building these connections and relationships at those happy hours that I wasn't able to partake in.
In a sense, business.
Maybe not in the case of the group they are teaching with but, like in the corporate environment, business is getting done right.
No, that too, right?
They were like talking about students and things about the administration.
There were still things that were happening that I was missing out on.
Yeah.
So we're getting into this today.
Really good question.
Really good high level skill for our business listeners.
But first, we took a poll here and we have some results, don't we, Aubrey?
Yes.
The question was, what type of business attire do you wear?
This was from episode 510, outfit or attire?
Avoid this mistake with business clothing.
And this was a great poll question.
And this is the first time I've seen it be 100% responses for one thing.
I know, I'm kind of surprised about this.
Hopefully we got the critical mass of answers here for this question.
But we asked are you wearing casual business, casual business professional or business formal clothes?
And what did we get for a result?
100% of those who responded said casual.
So I am curious how you know if you're out there and you wear formal or business professional.
You clearly didn't answer the poll.
So let your voice be heard and answer the next poll.
But there's also a good chance.
I know a lot of people are working from home or are working from companies where you can dress casually for the most part.
And then you just dress up for like special events or presentations.
Yeah.
Most people don't wear a suit and tie when they work from home.
Right.
It's good.
It's important to look put together and look like you're respecting whoever you're meeting with for your meetings.
But there's a difference between.
But even I know a lot of startups, they still dress casually even at the office.
Yeah.
A lot of companies are sort of going that way more and more.
It's interesting.
For sure.
All right.
So then what do we do coming back to the problem?
Someone did also want to share.
This is also a follow up.
We did a recent episode where we talked about some phrases that you might not want to be using and the history of them.
Long time no see and no can do.
And we were able to provide a lot of alternative ways to say long time no see.
But this episode we're providing the alternative ways instead of saying no can do, because this has some prejudicial history.
Instead, you could use today's phrases.
Yes, exactly.
And so there are buckets of what you're doing here, right?
The first bucket we're going into is you're showing appreciation first, which is always a good way to go right.
Yes, exactly.
Right.
Showing appreciation for the idea, for the suggestion, whatever it is.
And then of course we have that, but we're going to give politely our reason that we can't do it.
We can't accept it, whatever it is.
Yeah.
So for example, I like the idea of that.
I like the idea of finishing in two months, but I don't think I can commit to that schedule.
Right yes right, so showing appreciation for the idea or the offer, or maybe I really appreciate the offer, but so I really appreciate the offer, but I'll have to pass this time.
I have to pass this time yeah, and when you say this time you're, it's good, because you're saying maybe not next time.
So ask me again right yes right, keeping it open, especially if this maybe it's not a job offer, maybe it's a project at work and you would like to be considered to next time exactly Um then, thanks for thinking of me but right,
Thanks for thinking of me, but I'm going to have to sit this one out.
So you don't always have to give a reason and sit this one out is a casual way of saying you just.
I think this probably comes from sports.
Don't you think?
Probably.
Right.
Cause you're sitting on the bench.
If you're not participating, this is a very natural idiom.
To say I'm going to sit this one out means I won't be participating.
I won't be able to accept the opportunity.
Love it.
All right.
So that's one approach is just show your appreciation first.
What else could we do, Aubrey?
Yeah, I also want to make sure we know that there's.
This is interesting how we're adding have to to be less direct, right.
For all of these, you know.
Instead of I really appreciate the offer, but I will pass this time, or I'm going to pass this time.
We say I'll have to pass this time.
This is language that's a little more passive, a little less direct, which adds politeness.
And it's almost emphasizing like you're being forced to, you don't have a choice, right?
Right.
Exactly.
I'm not choosing to pass up on this.
I don't have the choice.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And then the other thing, the other approach you could take.
The angle could be expressing interest before turning something down, right?
So what would that look like?
Yeah.
So often, it's the same verbiage, but it's more about expressing interest, showing that you really are interest.
So again, I like the idea of, Maybe and then though I'm not sure.
So, like I like the idea of joining the project, though I'm not sure I have the bandwidth at this moment.
You're showing I am interested, but I can't do it right now.
Or it's tempting, but.
So for example, it's tempting.
It's definitely tempting, but I'm not able to commit to that right now.
Yes, right.
You're showing I am interested.
I would be interested in the future, but right now is not the right time.
And then there could be suggesting alternatives could be another angle.
Right.
So this would look something like I'm not able to blank, but maybe we could blank.
And this is good.
This is really good, especially socially, to make sure that if it's a new friend and they've invited you, they've extended themselves instead of just saying I can't make it, you know.
Yes.
Or for a client.
Right.
If a client invites you to a business lunch and just instead of just saying that's not going to work for me.
If you go, I can't, I'm not free today, but next week at two, right?
To show that you really are interested.
Yeah.
Or another way it could look.
I'm not able to join you for dinner this week, but maybe we could do a lunch next week instead.
And that really solves the problem, because people could be mistaking turning something down for rejection.
Like you just don't want to build the relationship.
Exactly.
It's similar often, these business relationships, to what it was when we were dating, right?
If you turn someone down but immediately provide an alternative time for the following week, then they know you are interested.
If not, probably you're not interested.
Probably they're just not that into you.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Or another one here.
I can't blank, you know, at the moment, however, blank.
So, for example, I can't take on another client at the moment.
However, I could recommend someone who can help.
Yes.
Love it.
And then we can another approach.
The fourth approach we could use is soften the refusal right.
So this is using different language, like i'm afraid i can't.
If that's in your personality, it's not really in my personality to say i'm afraid x right, like it's just interesting to me.
It feels not like me, i don't know why.
Yeah yeah, but what about?
So, for example, i'm afraid i can't attend the event, but thank you for inviting me.
Yeah, this is interesting, because when i say this and i probably do I don't think of it actually meaning I'm afraid.
It's like a chunk we use to say, that means like, unfortunately.
I'm afraid I can't do that, but I appreciate it.
And it just means unfortunately.
And that's our second option.
This might be more in your vernacular to say, unfortunately.
Unfortunately, I won't be able to participate, but I hope it goes well.
You got it.
I don't need to say anything else.
You said it all.
You're like, that one is the one I would go with.
That's exactly right.
Unfortunately, it's the one I would go with.
So we've got four different approaches.
So we're giving our listeners a lot of options here, Aubrey, today.
Yes.
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All right, we are back with our favorite part of the episode, which is a role play.
We're co-workers, and Aubrey, you are the team lead on a project that we're both working on, okay?
Yes, I'll start us out.
All right.
Hi Lindsay, could you take the lead on preparing the client presentation for Friday?
That sounds like a great opportunity.
Thank you for thinking of me.
Unfortunately, I'm currently finishing the quarterly report.
Oh, I was hoping you might be able to manage both.
Do you think that's a possibility?
I like the idea of helping with the presentation, but I'm concerned I wouldn't be able to give it the attention it deserves.
I could, however, review the slides and provide feedback instead of leading the full presentation.
That way, I can still contribute without overcommitting.
That absolutely works.
Thank you for being upfront and offering a solution.
Of course.
I appreciate your understanding.
Yeah, I mean, I think people that work full-time especially, or even part-time.
We have to navigate this constantly, right?
Right.
We can stretch ourselves too thin.
Take on more than we're able.
And then, just like you were saying, you wouldn't be able to give something the attention it deserves.
You know, you wouldn't be able to do a good enough job.
So you have to turn it down.
Yep.
Or you just end up burning yourself out because you work so hard and that doesn't help the company either.
Right.
So let's look at the strategies we used here.
The first thing you said, you know, that sounds like a great opportunity.
Thank you for thinking of me.
You're expressing that appreciation for being offered it before you turn it down.
Yeah, that's really good.
And then I finished by saying, unfortunately, I'm currently finishing the quarterly report, right?
So that's kind of showing the problem to the person that offered you the opportunity.
Exactly.
And then, after I ask if there's any chance you could do both, You say I like the idea of helping with the presentation.
So you're again showing that like, you're showing interest, right?
Next time think of me.
I am interested, but, and this is great that you provide the details.
Like we were saying, I'm concerned I wouldn't be able to give it the attention it deserves, right?
You're not just saying, I don't want to do that.
I'm not interested.
That's not the case.
Yeah.
It's going to be like night and day.
The difference between this very well done response versus I can't do it.
Absolutely.
Both in the way it's received and if you're asked again and your value to the company, this is huge.
Yeah, because the truth is, if you don't give your manager details, they're going to fill in the gaps, right?
They're going to fill in the blanks.
Maybe not make the best assumptions.
Yeah.
It might be based on past experience between you two or other employees that have performed in certain ways or fear the fear that they won't be a vet, like the employee, won't be able to fulfill their responsibility.
So don't let your manager fill in the gaps.
Instead, you fill in the gaps with what's true, right?
That's why I like it so much.
And you did the next one here where you offered and Alternative, right?
You're still trying to help, you say I could however, review the slides and provide feedback instead of leading the full presentation, So you're offering to do what you can with the time that you have in order to be as helpful as possible.
Wow, love it.
So you're just gonna rescue the professional relationship here, right?
And it doesn't mean like the person would have been fired, but it means like these little, these little pieces of damage over time can kind of add up to something significant, right and Exactly.
What you say and what you do determines how much value you have for a company and your perceived value, how much your coworkers and your boss perceives your value to the company.
And it's interesting how it's not just about actually what you do with your time, but also about the words you're using, how you express what you're going to do with your time.
That's huge.
Huge.
Super important episode today.
Guys, if you are on a roll and you want to keep learning with us, go to Business English 522.
Take notice of business English verbs.
Go check that one out.
And we have a poll.
We have the Key poll for today, Aubrey.
What is it?
Yes.
Be sure to fill this out.
It is, do you find it easy to politely turn down offers?
Yes or no?
I think this is very interesting because like we said, this is very cultural.
It's also about your personality.
It might be gender related.
There's a lot that goes into how uncomfortable you are turning people down and how easy you find it to be polite about it.
Yes, I love it.
And, you know, this is it.
I mean, this is our final takeaway for today, right?
So it's better to over-communicate than under-communicate.
It might seem excessive, but it's not.
Because again, like I said, guaranteed.
Your manager is kind of filling in the blanks if you don't do that for them, so tell them what to think.
Right, exactly what's true?
Yeah, give them all the information you can so that they know why you aren't doing something that has nothing to do with your willingness or your value and everything to do with your bandwidth.
Really capacity, another word for that capacity yeah, 100.
What a good episode today, aubrey.
We'll see you in the next one for more great ideas.
All right yes, see you guys next time.
Good bye.
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