This is the Business English Podcast, Episode 15, The Art of Apologizing in English at Work.
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What's happening in New York City, Michelle, today?
Not too much, Lindsay. How are you? Well, I'm doing pretty well.
You know, I'm recording and that makes me happy.
I always get a burst of energy when I record with you, so that's good.
Oh, yay. Me too. It's a good thing we enjoy podcasting because we do it a lot.
Yes. Michelle, what are we talking about today?
Today we are talking about how to apologize to a colleague.
Yeah, because we had a question from Shireen, I think from our blog.
And let's read that question real quick, Michelle, for us.
Would you mind? Okay, she said, hi, Lindsay, could you tell me what kind of expressions we can use when we do apologize to someone?
Okay, yeah, so it's simple. When we apologize to someone, yeah.
Yeah, apologize to someone. So that was the question.
And today we're going to put this in a business context.
So how to apologize to a colleague at work, right?
Ah, nice. Yeah, so that's really important because, geez, when we're at work, I mean, again, it comes back to connection.
And it comes back to charisma. It comes back to communication.
So let's go to it. And guys, again, one more time, just a reminder, you can always get a transcript from today at allearsenglish.com forward slash transcripts.
Make sure you go ahead and get that. Okay.
Okay. So how do we apologize to a colleague, Michelle?
OK, well, I mean, well, let's start and talk about, you know, why might we apologize at work?
That's a good question. Let's put it into context here.
So, for example, one reason we might apologize is we were late to a meeting.
Or maybe our colleague complained that we didn't listen to their contribution or their idea.
Yeah. We did an episode a few weeks back about how to show that we're listening and how to respond and show the person that we've heard them saying things like, I see what you mean or I understand.
Yeah. So go back to that episode if you're struggling with this, not being able to show someone that you've heard what they've said.
Because it might come down to... you're not listening, or it might just be that you don't have the right vocabulary.
And that's why we're here with this show for you guys.
Okay. Perfect. Perfect. Yeah. Another thing that we might have to apologize for is if we miss a deadline.
Ooh, big, big, big problem. Yeah. Big mistake.
Deadlines are important. Okay. Or another thing, maybe there was just a miscommunication about something or someone and someone got hurt or someone got offended and we just, there was a miscommunication, a misunderstanding.
Okay. Right, right. Exactly. Yeah. So, I mean, Lindsay, what are some tips that we can give our listeners?
Yeah. I mean, I think it's really important to not be defensive and defensiveness can be sensed in your words and can also be sensed in your tone of voice.
Yeah. So that's really important to do that, to not be defensive.
Be calm, you know? Right. Right. Definitely.
Yeah. And also, you know, another tip is to just don't deny that you made a mistake, right?
Yeah. That's the worst. Because in that person's mind, you made a mistake, even if you don't think you made a mistake.
So the time is better spent not denying it, but trying to rebuild that connection that's been kind of severed or put in jeopardy.
Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Very good.
So what's another tip, Lindsay? Well, I think we should be proactive.
You know, we want to admit what we did and apologize before the person comes to you and confronts you and expects an apology.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. Being proactive is really important in these situations.
Yeah, it's not being defensive. It's being proactive.
Yeah, exactly. And the last thing that kind of sums up these tips is to be what?
To be... To be intentional and direct, right?
So don't, you know, don't like, what's the word?
Beat around the bush, right? Don't beat around the bush.
Exactly. I mean, I'm seeing this now more in the context of relationships because I'm dating someone now.
And, you know, I'm seeing how important it is, especially in the early stages of dating, that you really need to, you know, when you've done something wrong, you've said something that has clearly hurt the person.
Even if you felt like you were justified or in saying it, you had a reason to say it.
It's a waste of time. It's going to make things worse if you go and kind of defend why you said it and what you said.
Instead, just acknowledge that you've hurt the person and that you were wrong.
Right. Right, right. Oh, I think that's so important.
You know, just, you know, don't be too proud.
Yeah, don't be too proud. I mean, there's a certain level of humility that we need to build real connections in our love lives.
And today we're talking about the business world.
But, you know, I think that we can learn a lot from our love lives about how to succeed in business.
Yeah. Right. I think it's a real skill to be able to apologize.
And I think it can help you, you know, to be able to admit that you're wrong.
Like, and, you know, if you can do that, it's really going to get you a lot farther than if you're defensive about things and you can never admit when you're wrong.
Oh my God. Yeah. It's such a turnoff in business and in life.
Yes. If someone is always so solid in their convictions that they were right.
Right. But clearly you've hurt the person.
So you've done something wrong in their eyes.
So do something about it. Okay. And we're going to show you guys what to do about it here.
We're going to give you the phrases you need.
Okay. So here we go, Michelle. What's the first thing we can say to apologize at work?
OK, well, you could say, hey, I'd like to apologize for being late to the meeting.
Good. And, you know, the word hey in some workplaces, it's OK.
Some workplaces we want to go more formal.
We just want to say hi or excuse me. Right.
Yeah. Excuse me. Could be good, too. Yeah.
So it just depends on the workplace. We got to know our workplace.
We got to keep our ears open. That's why I like the idea of just spending time listening and taking in what people are saying instead of immediately when you're new at a place speaking a lot.
It's okay to spend a period of time listening.
That's how babies learn to speak, right?
That's how children learn to speak. They listen, listen, listen.
And then all of a sudden one day they're starting to say words.
Yeah. Okay. So that's how we can learn a language too.
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The second phrase is by saying something at the end, right?
We put something at the end like this. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again.
Right. It's like you're trying to restore that person's faith in you, right?
Yeah. I think that this is making quite a promise because if we are someone who sticks to their word, then we're making quite a promise here.
We're saying it's not going to happen again.
Yeah. And if you say that, you better make sure it doesn't.
Yeah. I mean, you can't just say like empty words and not plan to follow up on it.
Right. To follow through. Exactly. So I'll make sure.
But I do like that. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again.
It kind of makes the person feel taken care of.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I said that, you know, they have they can have faith in you.
They can believe in you. And, you know, you've made this promise.
Yeah. You got it, Michelle. So good. What's the third one we could say?
Okay, here we go. I was wrong to put you on the spot last Tuesday at the presentation.
I apologize for that. Yeah, so this is just a more contextual example here, right?
I was wrong to do something, right? In this case, the example is maybe you put someone on the spot.
What does that mean, Michelle, to put someone on the spot? what you're doing to me right now.
I do that all the time in this show. I put you on the spot constantly.
Somebody's not prepared for something and you ask them to do something they're not prepared for.
If you ask, oh, something, what does it mean?
I'm just joking that you're doing it to me right now.
Michelle, I'd like to apologize. I was wrong for putting you on the spot in the first 200 episodes that you've been here.
I won't do it. I'll make sure it never happens again.
Well, actually not true. No, it's totally fine.
Sometimes it's good when you, you know, to keep me on my toes.
Right. Keep you on your toes. Right. Yeah.
So it's something that somebody is not prepared for that, you know, and also it can sometimes putting somebody on the spot can be like, you know, a public situation.
Yeah. I mean, this this kind of implies a more embarrassing kind of situation where you're at the meeting.
The person is not expecting to be called on.
Right. And they're under pressure and maybe the boss is there and it's a big deal.
OK, so one more time. The phrase is I was wrong to do something right.
I was wrong to put you on the spot last Tuesday at the presentation.
I apologize for that. OK, very direct. And that was one of our tips, right?
To be direct. Be intentional and direct.
People really appreciate it. Because these days we're so indirect, especially with social media and the internet.
It's so easy to hide behind our smartphones.
Right. I don't know. It's so easy to be indirect.
But the people who can still be direct are the ones who are going to do well at work.
They're going to succeed at work. They're going to get the promotions they want.
So, yeah. Yes. Okay. Last one, Michelle.
What's the last one? So I felt very inspired.
Good. Yes, you can do it. Okay. The last one is, I made a mistake when I assumed you didn't need my help on that report.
I'm really sorry about that. Yeah. So here, you know, I made a mistake when I did something I did.
What did you do? Right. I made a mistake when I called on you and put you on the spot or I assumed you didn't need my help.
And then just saying I'm really sorry about that.
Again, I think these are very responsible phrases.
They're very intentional and very direct.
Mm hmm. Mm hmm. You're taking full responsibility, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Okay.
So, Michelle, let's jump into another little situation here so we can show our listeners how it's done in a situation.
I love this example. Oh, boy. All right.
Here we go. Okay. Here we go. So, hey, Michelle, do you have a second?
Okay. Sure. Lindsay, what's up? Well, I'd like to apologize for being late to our Google Hangouts meeting with your class last week.
Oh, yeah, I know. I know that was an important meeting and I was wrong to show up late.
OK, thanks for saying that, Lindsay. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again, Michelle.
Okay. Okay. Thanks. Okay. I appreciate that.
Lindsay was not late. I was not late. Yeah.
So again, you know, the takeaway here is, you know, it's always better to be proactive and not be defensive when it comes to apologizing.
Okay. So that's the key. What phrases did we use here, Michelle?
Okay, well, let's see. You said, I'd like to apologize for... And then you said, I was... Yeah, you know it was an important meeting.
You said, I was wrong to show up late. And you said, I'll make sure it doesn't happen again.
Yes. Did I get all of them? You got all of them.
You got all of them. I was just trying to plug in my computer because my computer is about to die here.
Oh, all right. So no, that's good. Yeah, exactly.
And just I think the important thing is just don't assume that it's no big deal to the other person.
Even if it's not a big deal to you, it might be a big deal to the other person.
Right, Michelle? Right, right, exactly.
So, you know, it's always better, it's better to be safe than sorry, right?
Just assume that, you know, just don't minimize it.
Yeah, that's a good word to minimize. I like that.
I like that. That's good. So we're going to wrap up this episode for today, Michelle.
But this has been really good. And guys, we've done some other episodes on apologizing.
If you go back to episode 148, you'll soon see an episode that we did with my former co-host.
It's quite interesting talking about whether you should apologize and when you should apologize.
And it actually stirred up some emotions in our listeners, which was pretty interesting.
I want you guys to go back to that episode and listen and then comment and tell us what you think, okay?
Right, right. And should you apologize when, I mean, when something isn't your fault?
Well, that's a whole nother question that we could get into a debate on.
I feel like it's better to err on the side of apologizing, honestly, just to go through life and not cause harm.
Because sometimes to someone else's perspective, it has been your fault.
It was your fault. So I think in that case, you should apologize.
Yeah. Okay. Interesting topic. Okay. Well, thanks, Lindsay.
This was really interesting. This was good.
And we'll be back to this topic again soon, Michelle.
We'll see you soon. Bye. Bye. Thank you for listening to Business English, a podcast just for you, the high achieving global professional.
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