This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2170.
Should you call someone clueless?
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Hello, Aubrey.
How's everything going today?
I'm great, Lindsay.
How are you?
I'm feeling good.
I'm feeling good.
I have a question for you to start off today.
Okay.
So would you ever call a friend clueless?
Ooh, that feels really mean.
If I were to call someone clueless, I think I would never say it to their face.
And if I said it, maybe I would say it about a child, but that still feels really mean.
What about you, Lindsay?
Oh, it feels mean about a kid because, yeah, they just don't know yet.
Almost even worse.
They just don't realize.
It's worse.
Yeah, I wouldn't say that to a friend unless we were really close and it was like time for honesty, right.
Like they were doing something really bad to themselves or someone else.
Maybe at the extreme I might say it, but generally no, I would avoid saying this to someone's face.
This was interesting.
It came up recently in a class that I had with a student where they called a friend clueless and ignorant and they clearly didn't mean to imply any negativity or criticism.
They just meant that their friend was unaware about something.
And so I let them know like okay, there's some implied judgment and criticism here that i don't think you intend.
We sort of talked about it, made sure, and she was sort of horrified that she'd been using these words to describe people without realizing that it comes off as kind of mean.
Oh, i'm so glad that you had that conversation with our student.
Yeah, we do have lots of opportunities, once you're in our courses guys, to speak.
Now we've added open conversation club, fluency parties, ways you can meet with us and get that feedback which, if that hadn't happened, it could have gone on.
And it is pretty offensive when you call someone ignorant and clueless.
Yes.
You could risk really hurting a connection if you call someone clueless or ignorant, because they do have a negative connotation.
And if you don't mean that, you could hurt someone's feelings without even realizing it.
So this is important too.
We're going to dive into this vocabulary, discuss what is this implied meaning here and when is it appropriate to use it?
Yeah, i mean, it could be that things are getting confused because of the movie clueless maybe right because that seems so harmful, or harmless.
Harmless harmless a fun 90s flick.
When it's on tv i even like to watch it.
Now, you know, i was talking about a uh teenager in high school from hollywood and she's wealthy, so she has, like her dad's money and her convertible and she just is, I guess, unaware and kind of in her own world.
And that feels more benign, that portrayal of Clueless.
Exactly.
It's actually based on the Jane Austen book, Emma.
It's the same plot.
It's like a modern remake of it, a really fun one.
But yeah, it's true.
When you would call this girl Clueless, At first, you're thinking, oh, that doesn't seem so mean.
But really, even then, if someone were to say this to her face, she would probably be hurt.
She'd be like, oh, I didn't mean to hurt anyone.
And I think that actually happened in the movie.
That's exactly what it was.
I think Josh, her older brother or something, said, you don't get this stuff or something like that.
And she was hurt.
And she became self-aware.
And she said, I want to understand these things.
So yeah, definitely could do some damage there.
Yes.
So we want to share better options.
So stick to the end.
We're going to share what you should say instead, to make sure to not hurt the connection, to not hurt someone's feelings.
But first let's share some examples to try and sort of clarify what exactly this does, what this implies if you call someone clueless or ignorant,
Okay, so for example, here's a sample sentence.
She's clueless about current events.
So this implies what, Aubrey?
Yeah, there's definitely implied criticism here, right?
This, it means she should know about current events, but she's not trying to be informed.
Yeah, I think part of the problem with clueless is that it's such a such a the word.
It's so extreme.
To be clueless means you know nothing. right?
You have no clues at all.
Exactly.
And we say that too.
She has no clue, but both are quite, they imply judgment.
They imply criticism.
They're not kind.
Yeah.
I mean, I think if you say that about yourself, fine.
Maybe we'll talk about that later in the episode, but yeah.
Yeah.
What else?
Exactly.
Or you might say they're clueless when it comes to restaurant etiquette.
This is maybe something I would say about children.
I'm like apologizing.
They're like screaming in a restaurant sorry, my kids are kind of clueless about restaurant etiquette.
Oh geez, that's okay too, right?
Uh, they're your kids and you're just saying something about your family, so it's okay to say it yourself.
Yeah, and even then, maybe if i said that or if my kids heard it, they might kind of be like yeah right, like there are nicer ways to say that, mom.
Yeah like, if they're trying to learn maybe they've become aware that they should order with the word please or something they're trying to learn and then you go and say that maybe you would have them clueless.
Yeah, and really that's a criticism on myself, because what i'm really saying is i have not properly taught my children to be behaved correct.
And then the second one is ignorant, which is almost worse or just as bad, I think.
Yeah.
So you might say, my friend was ignorant of the fact that you can't park here.
It's not the nicest way to say it, right?
There's definitely implied criticism, implied judgment that she should or he should have known and was ignorant of it, just didn't care, wasn't paying attention.
Yes.
Interesting.
And then she's ignorant about homelessness.
So maybe she hasn't taken the time to try to understand the scenario, what the causes are, how multifaceted the issue is.
Right.
And the thing about ignorant is it's not a direct synonym for unaware.
Like it also can mean uneducated or unsophisticated.
And for that reason, it has this other sort of connotation, this implication.
So we want to be careful to not call someone ignorant if we don't mean to imply those things.
Yeah.
And just as an asterisk, it's interesting because in the world of meditation which I study Buddhism I study meditation, and this is not what our listeners necessarily need to know, but it's a fun to note.
This ignorance is used in a totally different way.
It's not about intellectual knowledge.
It's about confusion as to what leads to happiness in life.
Like if you, if you think that making a ton of money and buying fancy furniture is going to lead to happiness.
That's a form of ignorance.
Right.
And that's so in a spiritual sense, that that's what that means.
But you're not going to hear that guys, unless you're going to like events like I am.
You're not going to hear it in that way, but you will see that in the dictionary, right under ignorance, it says you know uneducated unsophisticated, and so, whether you're talking about meditation, being aware of what leads to happiness, or other education levels, um yeah, ignorant implies um, a level, a lack of sophistication yeah, and I think maybe just the broad piece is confusion, I guess, in a way, just confusion.
Ignorance is kind of confusion, spiritually confused, or just knowledge.
You know actual things, you know.
So anyway, I love that you mentioned that we could say this about ourselves, right?
There are times when it is okay to say this.
If you, you know, say, I'm pretty clueless when it comes to decorating.
Can you take care of that if you're planning a party, right?
This.
It doesn't have the same level of criticism or cruelty.
If you're saying it about yourself, you're just sort of admitting a fault.
Oh, totally.
I think that is, we can endorse that 100%.
Sometimes it's good to admit a fault.
And we've talked about that in another episode, Aubrey, haven't we?
Absolutely.
Yes, exactly.
It creates connection when you're able to admit that you're not perfect in every way.
Right.
What else?
What are some other ways it might be okay?
Yeah, we also will hear this if you actually do intend a critical judgment.
So maybe, for example, you're talking about a politician, a reporter, a teacher, someone who makes a comment on social media.
And what you really do mean to intend is that you are making this critical judgment of their actions.
Maybe not something you would say to someone's face.
Right.
So, for example, you might say, did you hear the debate last night?
I can't believe how clueless these politicians are.
And you are intending to make this critical judgment of, like these politicians don't know enough about the things they should be experts on.
Right.
Completely.
And this is used more often when we don't know like we're far away from the thing that we're talking about, right?
It's not a friend.
It's not a family member.
This is, yes, exactly.
A very different relationship or no relationship.
Yeah, exactly.
And often it's just a matter of not understanding kind of their priorities or kind of their lives, right.
Because we just sort of objectify people on the other side.
We're so divided now politically and we just kind of think we make assumptions about the other side and we call them clueless.
But maybe they've got all the clues.
They just have different priorities or values.
Right.
We're just saying that because we don't agree with them.
Yes.
Very possible.
Yeah.
You might say for ignorant, you might say, oh, comments on social media are often really ignorant.
And what you mean by this is uninformed, right?
Or maybe unsophisticated if someone's being cruel or crude possibly.
And so this, like you said, there's a level of remove here, right?
This is someone you probably don't personally know and you're having a conversation and just wanting to share that, like I am judging this.
I am criticizing these comments that I didn't agree with and I felt were inappropriate.
They were inappropriate, right?
They were inappropriate.
Oh, by the way, we do know which episode that was that our listeners can go to, where we talked about how to share your faults in English for deeper connection.
What was that episode number?
Yes, it was 2125.
How to share your faults in English for deep.
This really was a fantastic episode.
It was small phrases like adding a bit to soften when you're sharing your faults.
This is such a great connection skill to where sometimes we're tempted to put our best foot forward and make it seem like our lives are perfect.
But really, when you start to deepen connections, you let that go.
And you admit that everyone makes mistakes.
Yes, that's so true 100 guys.
If you love this show, make sure you hit follow on all ears english so you get our four, and soon to be five, episodes a week.
Actually, by the time this comes out, i believe we will already be releasing five episodes a week.
Aubry, so super exciting that our listeners could listen five times a week.
So hit follow on the show.
Do we have any other options?
Aubry, that might be good To say.
We want to share some better options.
One, the first one is just uninformed about.
So, instead of saying someone's clueless or ignorant, if you just say like she's uninformed about current events or she's uninformed about homelessness, it has the same meaning of saying she doesn't know about it.
She doesn't have all the information with less implied judgment and criticism.
Yeah, I like that one.
And I also like unaware of something.
So, for example, my friend was unaware that you can't park here.
She was unaware that she heard his feelings.
Exactly right.
This doesn't have that implied criticism of she should be aware.
Yeah, it's much more forgiving to be like, she's just unaware.
Like, don't blame her.
She's just unaware that she should have done that.
It also feels a little bit more elevated if someone says, oh, you shouldn't have done this.
I'm so sorry.
I was unaware that this was a problem.
I was unaware this wasn't allowed.
Exactly.
And then the same meaning, but not quite as elevated, just to say that you don't know or you didn't know about something.
Right.
I could say about my children.
They don't know about restaurant etiquette, but this unaware does feel more elevated.
They're unaware of restaurant etiquette.
There you go.
You guys have three great options for how to talk about this.
When someone doesn't quite know things right and we can't know everything, we learn as we go through life right, aubry?
Exactly, but we don't want to always imply that we think they should know that we apply this judgment sometimes, you know, just to be more kind and more forgiving.
We want to give people a little grace and say you know, they're just unaware.
I love that idea.
Okay Aubrey, let's get into a role play for our listeners.
So here we are chatting about a politician.
Ooh, okay.
Here we go.
She seems pretty clueless to me.
I agree.
I feel like she's ignorant about the real cause of these issues.
It's possible, she's just uninformed.
But if she's going to run for office, she needs to be in the know.
Exactly.
Someone in that office can't be unaware of what's going on in the world.
That's true, right?
Yeah, we have high expectations for our politicians because it's important, the job, right?
Exactly, yeah.
We're like, we need someone who is level-headed, who is well-informed about all of these things.
And I chose a politician here because this way we can use clueless and ignorant something that we wouldn't say necessarily about a friend or a family member.
Exactly.
But someone we're further removed from, yeah, maybe.
I love that.
Good point there, Aubrey.
Okay, so first I said she seems pretty clueless.
So that's my opinion.
Yeah, sort of a general statement.
Maybe this is after a debate or someone's really not doing a great job.
They've flubbed a bunch of answers.
So we're chatting like, oh, she seems kind of clueless, especially maybe about a specific issue.
Yeah, something we've already been like, like you said, watching a debate or talking about this person.
So we're coming in halfway through a conversation here.
Absolutely.
And then I said, yeah, I feel like she's ignorant about the real cause of these issues.
And that yeah, if for homelessness, for example, if a politician were to, on a platform say well, this is just because you know these people chose to not get educated and they're choosing to not have a home, then this is something you might say like oh, I feel like there's some ignorance about the real problem.
Yeah, for sure.
And then I said, it's possible she's just uninformed.
But if she's going to run for office, she needs to be in the know. good.
Okay.
Yeah.
This is great.
Uninformed instead of saying clueless or ignorant, you're giving her some grace here.
You're letting her know like, okay, she just doesn't have all the facts.
She doesn't know everything she needs to know, but I feel like at her position, she needs to.
She needs to be informed.
Yeah.
And then what did you say?
You said, I said, someone in that office can't be unaware of what's going on in the world.
And this, I do feel like, is the most elevated sounding, gives someone the most grace to say.
I feel like they're just unaware of all of the facts, unaware of all the details.
Yeah, for sure.
And this is a very realistic conversation that, I mean, we're going into an election year here.
So these conversations are absolutely going to be happening.
Yeah yes, absolutely.
We actually get a lot of questions from students like talk about politics, share all of this.
Sometimes it's tough to have a whole episode about politics, but every now and then we can have a role play, where it's a conversation you might have when discussing politics with a friend, right?
So take note guys, this could, these could be tools to discuss politics.
Right, we're not gonna we're gonna avoid sharing our direct political opinions as much as possible on the show, but that's really what you are looking for is the tools to share your opinions right, and this is this.
Is it right here?
So what's the takeaway, Aubrey?
Now I think you know there is a risk of harming a connection if you use these words clueless or ignorant without realizing that there can be this negative connotation.
So I think this is.
I'm so glad that we can highlight this in case anybody out there listening maybe, is using those words to describe friends or family without realizing that it can sound very cruel and critical and judgmental.
Yeah, I'm so glad that this came out of a live conversation with a student.
And now everyone gets to benefit from this insight.
So good.
Keep in mind, guys, it's always about connection.
So you should always, even at a very high level of English, you always want to be looking to tweak your English to make sure we're not causing harm and that we're spreading good vibes.
Absolutely.
Yes, I agree.
All right.
Good stuff.
All right, Aubrey, you have a good day.
I'll talk to you soon.
You too.
Thanks, Lindsay.
Bye.
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