Hello, and welcome back to Luke's English podcast.
How are you doing? I hope you're doing all right.
This is a podcast for learners of English around the world, and in these episodes I talk to you in English.
That's the idea, in order to help you learn English.
We do different things, including stories and rambling and conversations and other things of that nature, including occasionally these episodes where I read out jokes, see if you can understand them and find them funny, and then explain them in order to help you understand them fully, and hopefully
learn some vocabulary from them as well.
I'm going to start reading from some notes that I prepared for this introduction.
I'm going to start doing that now.
Here we go. Okay. Random jokes explained.
I don't know how many jokes there will be, but I think by the time this episode is published, there will be a number at the beginning of this.
It will be something like, I don't know, 29 random jokes explained, or 53 random jokes explained something along those lines.
I don't know what the number will be, but anyway, that's it.
This is episode number 905, I think.
And yes, it's time to do some more jokes on the podcast.
In this episode, I'm going to go through a list of jokes I haven't read before.
These are random jokes in the sense that they're just all new to me.
I have no idea what the jokes will be.
We're just going to go through them one by one and we'll be discovering them at the same time.
I'll read them out to you.
You can try to understand the jokes.
What's funny? Maybe nothing.
Maybe these are terrible jokes.
I'm not sure. But you can try to work out what's funny here.
Do you get the jokes?
Often, it's about vocabulary double meanings or maybe little cultural references.
Then I'll explain them all one by one so you can fully understand everything you might have missed, including any important vocabulary.
So I'll read the jokes out to you and then I'll explain them.
Now, of course, whenever I explain jokes on this podcast, I have to read out this quote.
It's not clear who first said this.
It's been attributed to lots of people over the years.
But of course, I have to read out this quote, which is this explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.
You understand it better, but the frog dies in the process.
Yes, I've been explaining jokes for many years on this podcast.
Every single time I do it, I have to read out that quote, which perfectly explains the idea that explaining the jokes will probably kill the jokes.
We'll understand them, but they will die in the process.
Just like when you dissect a frog in a laboratory or in a science class.
I usually have to show this picture, which a listener sent to me.
This is a picture. If you're looking at the website page for this episode, you can see the picture.
If you're looking at the video version, you'll see the picture as well.
This is a picture of me dissecting a frog.
And in fact, actually, I've got a t -shirt.
I've got a merch store.
Did you know that? Just go to teacherluke .co .uk slash merch and you can get your hands on things like lovely Luke's English podcast mugs and t -shirts and things, including this one, which was actually designed by a listener.
And this is me dissecting a frog.
It's, um, if you can't see the video version of this, I'll describe it.
There's a picture of me with slightly less hair than, um, I hope I have in real life.
And I'm dissecting a frog and there are some ninjas, LEP ninjas, uh, hiding in the background.
In fact, I really should put this on now.
I think I should put this, this t -shirt on right?
If I'm going to be doing some, uh, frog dissection, uh, then I've got to put the t -shirt on.
So through the magic of, uh, video editing, I'll now switch t -shirts in three, two, one, because I have to be wearing the t -shirts.
Not that you can actually see it, but anyway, I'm now wearing the t -shirt so I can actually do this properly.
So yes, basically, these might, these jokes might die as I explain them, but at least you should learn some English from all this.
So I found these jokes on boardpanda .com.
Again, uh, this is a website I often use a lot to find jokes.
Um, all right. So boardpanda .com.
Now it's not clear who wrote these jokes.
They're probably just those unauthored jokes that get shared around by people over the years.
On the website, it says these are jokes for teens, meaning teenagers, but I think this just means that there aren't any particularly rude jokes in here.
I think they're probably jokes for anyone.
So I'll read out about 10 jokes and then I'll go back and explain them and then I'll do another 10 and so on.
And we'll keep going until we can't take it anymore.
Okay. So this is the title of the site on the page on boardpanda is 150 jokes for teens to spice up those moments of boredom.
Um, but as I said, I don't think they're exclusively for teenagers.
Right then, here we go.
So let's find the first joke.
So here we go with number one and I'll do 10 of these.
So how do you know when you're desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google search results?
Is that even a joke?
Um, number two, what do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
What do you call security guards?
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
The answer, I don't know.
And I don't care. Okay.
Let's carry on number four.
Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?
Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
Number five, I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.
I just couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.
Then it hit me. Number six, number six.
Are you free tomorrow?
Are you free tomorrow?
No, I'm expensive. Sorry.
Number seven. What do you call hiking US college students?
What do you call US college students who are hiking?
The answer, the walking debt.
Number eight. Why did God supposedly make men before he made women?
Why did God supposedly make men before he made women?
The answer, because everyone needs a rough draft.
Number nine. Number nine.
Why was the maths book sad?
Why was the maths book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
And number 10, if you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
The answer, big hands.
Okay. Let's go back through those.
You can see the standard here, right?
You can see what the standard is.
It's not particularly high.
These are pretty cheesy jokes.
Okay, let's go through the first 10 and I'll explain them.
So how do you know when you're desperate for an answer?
If you're desperate for an answer, you just like really need an answer to something like just, you really, really badly need it.
You need it so much that you're just like desperate.
I really need an answer, God.
And you're searching, searching, searching.
How do you know when you're desperate for an answer?
It's when you look at the second page of Google search results.
Yeah, that's not exactly a joke.
I mean, there's no wordplay going on here, is there?
So it's not exactly a word joke, but it's more of an observation.
The observation being that it's quite rare that we go to the second page of Google search results.
When was the last time you did that?
You actually went to the second or even third page of Google search results.
In fact, Google search results, there are often so many pages, but we just never go that deep into, into the Google search results.
Normally we just stick to the first page.
So you know when you're absolutely desperate for an answer is when you actually look at the second page of Google search results.
When was the last time you did that?
In fact, have you ever?
Number two, I like this joke.
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
Guardians of the galaxy.
I like that. So, so the joke here is the fact that first of all, Guardians of the galaxy is a film.
It's the name of a film.
It's a Marvel film, isn't it?
Guardians of the galaxy one, two, and three.
But also the joke is that these are security guards working outside Samsung shops.
So Samsung, they make mobile phones as amongst other things.
Obviously they make loads of different types of technology.
They make everything, don't they?
Samsung, the famous Korean technology company.
But one of the mobile phones they make is the galaxy series of phones, right?
The Samsung galaxy, they're like well known mobile phones.
So security guards working outside Samsung shops could be called Guardians of the Galaxy because they're there to protect all of the galaxy phones.
Guardians of the galaxy, all right.
Number three, what's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I like this one as well, I have to say.
This is not bad. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know. And I don't care.
Which is actually the difference between ignorance and apathy.
Ignorance, the definition of ignorance is basically when someone doesn't know something, right?
And apathy is when someone just doesn't care.
So that's actually a really good joke.
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know. And I don't care.
Because I don't know and I don't care could be an answer to the question as well.
I don't know if another example might be, why do, what would it be?
Why do why do Italian people drink so much coffee?
I don't know. And I don't care.
Right? So it could be the answer to any question really.
Why do English people drink so much tea?
I don't know. And I don't care.
Okay. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know. And I don't care is literally the answer to the question.
That is the difference between them.
It's also could mean something else, couldn't it?
Right. Moving on to number four.
Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?
Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?
So this is clapping your hands.
And of course, everyone thinks because their arms are too small.
Like the T -Rex, the Tyrannosaurus rex, the most terrifying of all the dinosaurs.
Absolutely terrifying.
But pathetic little tiny, tiny arms.
What's the point of those so we're thinking, well, they can't clap their hands because it's too small.
No, the answer the reason they can't clap their hands is because they're extinct.
They're all dead. Yeah, that's right.
I think that's quite clear, isn't it?
If an animal is extinct, it means it's there.
There are no living.
There are none of them alive anymore.
They're completely dead, all of them.
So that's why they can't clap their hands.
I mean, it's difficult for a dinosaur to clap its hands if it's extinct.
Number five. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger, then it hit me.
Okay, so if you're trying to figure something out, it means you're trying to work something out.
That's American English.
It's all right. It's okay.
It's still English.
It still counts. I couldn't work out or I couldn't understand why the baseball kept getting larger.
Okay, so there's a person standing there and they're watching a baseball, which apparently is getting bigger and bigger, and they can't understand why it's getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.
So it hit me. There's a double meaning to this.
The one sense of this means like literally the baseball, bam, hit me.
The other meaning of then it hit me means then I understood.
Right. If you say it hit me, that can mean I suddenly understood.
Oh, right. I know. Because it's flying towards me in this case.
Then it hit me. I was trying to work out why English people drink so much tea and then it hit me.
Oh, I know why they drink so much tea.
It's because they colonised India and tea comes from India and Sri Lanka.
And so, you know, they got all the tea from India and then English people got into the habit of drinking lots of tea and they imported it to the UK.
And also maybe because you know, it's often kind of grey and a bit miserable outside.
So it's nice to just stay inside and drink plenty of nice warm, comforting tea.
Maybe that's the reason.
So I was thinking, why do English people drink so much tea?
Ah, then it hit me.
Then I understood. Why couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger and then it hit me.
See, double meaning.
Yeah. Not the cleverest.
Number six. I like this one as well, actually.
Are you free tomorrow?
No, I'm expensive. Sorry.
Are you free? Meaning, are you available?
Are you not doing anything?
Right. Of course you understand.
Are you free tomorrow?
No, I'm expensive. Sorry.
Quite good. Quite a good one.
I don't know. I don't know if you could ever use that.
Maybe if someone's bothering you and they're trying to ask you out or something, they say, are you free tomorrow?
No, I'm sorry. I'm expensive.
I'm not available. Next.
Number seven. Okay.
This might be a bit complicated.
What do you call hiking US college students?
So this is American college students or university students in the United States who are hiking.
Hiking means going for a walk, right?
Going for a nice long walk, maybe in the hills or in the countryside.
So US college students who are hiking, the walking debt.
Okay. Debt. Debt, this is where, you know, you don't have any money.
In fact, you've borrowed money.
Maybe you borrowed money from the bank to help you pay for your university education, your college education.
A lot of students in America and in the UK are in debt because they have to borrow money to pay for their studies, right?
So if you're in debt or if you have debt, that's D E B T, the B is silent, debt.
It means that you don't have any money because you borrowed money to pay for something.
In this case, your studies.
Okay. And the walking dead, the walking dead is a famous television series about zombies.
Now, this doesn't mean that US college students are zombies.
It just means that US college students are in debt and when they're walking, they could be the walking debt.
Yeah. Okay. Quite good.
Quite good, I suppose.
Number eight, why did God supposedly make men before he made women?
Because everyone needs a rough draft.
Okay. So a rough draft is, so if you have to write something, let's say you have to write an essay for college or something like that, you'd write a rough draft, which would be the one where you make all the mistakes and you cross things out and you correct yourself and stuff.
So there's the first version, that's the rough draft.
And then after you've done your rough draft, you do the second version, which is normally much, much better where you don't make mistakes and you get it all right and it looks great.
So you've got your rough draft and then you've got your final version.
So why did God make men before he made women?
Because everyone needs a rough draft.
Everyone needs to have their first version where they make all their mistakes in order to perfect the process for the second one.
Okay. Ha ha ha. Josh C.
left a comment with a different answer.
Why did God make men before he made women?
Because he didn't want advice on how to do it.
The suggestion being that if he'd made the woman first, then the woman would have been telling him how to do it.
Okay. Slightly sexist, you know, but you know, fair enough.
It started out sexist anyway, didn't it?
Right, moving on. Number nine.
Why was the maths book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
Not bad. Not a bad joke.
Obviously maths books are full of problems, aren't they?
They're full of maths problems, you know, which you have to work out.
You know, two plus two.
Obviously, it's a very easy maths problem, but you know, it's four, isn't it?
You see, check out the, check out the maths abilities.
But two plus two is four.
That's a maths problem.
Very easy one. But anyway, you get the idea, right?
And maths books are full of problems.
So why was the maths book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
Okay. Number 10. This is actually, there was a comment on that one as well from Kai David.
When your dad is gone, you will wish for one more road trip with nothing but dad jokes.
This is a good point.
So dad jokes, obviously, are these kind of like slightly crap cheesy jokes, like the one we just heard.
These are often known as dad jokes because for some reason our dads tell us jokes like this, especially when driving in the car or something.
And Kai David has made a quite a profound point, which is that when your dad is gone, when your dad has died, you will wish for one more road trip with nothing but dad jokes.
So if you cringe when your dad tells dodgy jokes like this, just remember that one day, he'll be gone and you'll never hear those jokes again.
So you might as well appreciate them while you can.
Number 10. This sounds like a maths problem.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Well, big hands. So it sounds like you got like 23 fruits or something, but no, just big hands.
Because yeah, sure, if you're carrying 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, then yeah, you would have massive hands, wouldn't you?
Yeah, nevermind the maths problem.
That's just physically impossible.
Okay, let's move on then and do another 10 in this classic episode of Luke's English podcast here.
So number 11. My boss told me yesterday, you shouldn't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.
You shouldn't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.
Sounds like good advice.
But when I turned up today in Ghostbusters clothes, he said I was fired.
Number 12. What should you do when no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
What should you do when no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Just keep going until you get a reaction.
Uh -huh. Next number 13.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll let it go.
Okay, safe, safe stuff, really.
Number 14. What animal is the worst at hiding?
What animal is the worst at hiding?
The answer, the leopard, because he's always spotted.
Mm -hmm. Now, one thing I should say about this website, the way it works is that these jokes, this massive list of jokes is sort of presented in order of popularity.
That the jokes get up -voted or down -voted.
And based on that, they go higher or lower in the list.
So what this essentially means is the jokes are probably getting worse and worse and worse.
Number 15. What has four wheels and flies?
What has four wheels and flies?
The answer, a garbage truck.
Okay. Number 16. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
The answer, reality.
Mm -hmm. Number 17. I sold my vacuum the other day.
I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day.
Well, all it was doing was just collecting dust.
I've told that one before.
Number 18. Why do pirates have to learn the alphabet?
Why do pirates have to learn the alphabet?
Because if they don't, they'll be lost at sea.
Okay. We're already starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel, I feel.
Number 19. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Well, finding half a worm in your apple.
Mm -hmm. That's an old classic.
And number 20. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's okay. He woke up.
Okay. Right, let's go back.
How many of these did you understand?
How many of these did you...
I mean, how many of them did you get?
Like, oh, right. Yeah, I get that.
How many of these did you actually find funny?
And how many of these did you just not get at all?
And I wonder how many of them you thought you got, but you just misunderstood completely.
So, number 11. My boss told me yesterday, you shouldn't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.
So this is this person's boss giving them aspirational advice, right?
Don't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.
So if you want to be a high -flying lawyer, you know, come to work in a nice looking suit, dress really smart.
Don't, you know, even if you're working in some crappy place, you still should dress really smart.
So don't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.
Live in that aspirational, ambitious way.
Okay. So don't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.
But when I turned up today in Ghostbusters clothes, he said I was fired.
Okay, so this person obviously wants to be one of the Ghostbusters.
And as we know, Ghostbusters wear, you know, the slightly ridiculous clothes, they wear those kind of boiler suits with the Ghostbusters logo on the sleeve.
And they wear a big backpack with like special anti -ghost weapons that fire these big streams, got all this equipment on and these boots and stuff.
So this person wants to be one of the Ghostbusters.
So don't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.
Okay, I'll come to work dressed as a Ghostbusters, but then the boss was like, you're fired.
You can't come to work like that, but you told me to dress for the job I wanted.
No, I'm not like that.
Yi Kiat Unpro commented, the Ghostbusters were fired from their job before they started their Ghostbusters business.
So your boss is doing the right thing.
This is true. If you remember from the film, the film begins with the Ghostbusters getting fired.
I can't remember which job it is that they get fired from, but they do get fired.
And they decide to go into business, you know, doing their ghost hunting professionally.
So fair enough, maybe the maybe your bosses is doing the right thing.
Yeah. Number 12, what should you do when no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep going until you get a reaction.
Right, so there's a double meaning there to get a reaction.
A reaction could be a sort of reaction from a person like a laugh or some sort of response like, oh yeah, okay, good one, or even just like, oh God, really?
Or a dad joke, you know, that's a reaction.
But also the double meaning is you can get a chemical reaction as well.
Right, chemical reaction.
For example, when you mix several chemicals together, you often get a chemical reaction where something happens.
I mean, I'm not brilliant at chemistry.
So what's a good example of this?
I don't know, mixing what and what I suppose, baking a cake.
Is that a chemical reaction?
If you put the yeast in the cake, and then you heat it up, the yeast rises.
Is that an example of a chemical reaction?
Anyway, you think you get the idea.
So, you know, what should you do when no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep going until you get a reaction.
Yes, yes. Gerard says it might be explosive though.
Ah, yes, in the sense, socially, in the sense that it might cause people to like strongly disagree with you or get upset, but also literally in terms of the chemical reaction, it could be explosive as well.
Wow. The hilarious humor in action.
Okay, this is one for kids.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon because she'll let it go?
So Elsa is the character in that Disney film Frozen, of course, anyone who knows any children, if you've got children, if you have nephews, nieces or whatever, then surely you know about Frozen.
And the two sisters, Anna and Elsa, and Elsa sings that well known song.
Let it go. Let it go.
Let it go. Right? So why can't you give Elsa a balloon because she'll let it go?
Yeah, but then she'll go into the unknown to find it.
That's another one of the songs.
Number 14. What animal is the worst at hiding the leopard because he's always spotted.
So spotted, because the leopard, a leopard has spots.
So you could say it's spotted.
But also to be spotted means to be noticed, to be seen, to be found.
So what animal is the worst at hiding the leopard because he's always spotted.
There it is. I spotted the leopard.
Yes. Number 15. What has four wheels and flies?
What has four wheels and flies?
Now you're thinking what has four wheels and flies, one of those like helicopters with four wheels or how many wheels does a plane have?
A flying car. Is it a flying car?
No, it's a garbage truck.
Why? Well, it has four wheels, of course.
In fact, I think garbage trucks often have more.
But anyway, let's say it has four wheels and it has flies.
Now, what has four wheels and flies, we're thinking flies in the sky as the verb.
But here it's actually the noun.
What has four wheels and flies?
These sorts of flies.
Insects. Well, obviously a garbage truck, it's got four wheels and it has flies buzzing around because of the the rubbish, the decomposing rubbish in the truck.
It's attracting flies.
So what has four wheels and flies?
I mean, you could argue punctuation could solve this.
What has four wheels, comma and flies would suggest that the and flies could be like a verb, right?
Whereas if you don't have the comma, what has four wheels and flies?
That makes it a little bit clearer in the sense that the four wheels and flies both kind of relate to the has verb in the question.
Yeah. So anyway, what has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck. Yeah.
Kind Pegasus 95 wrote this.
What about the magic school bus?
He has four wheels and he flies around.
Okay. Yeah. Just answer the question literally.
Why don't you? Okay.
Moving on to the next one.
Sixteen. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality. So hard to swallow could be literally like if you're trying to swallow tea, you drink the tea, you swallow it, the tea goes down into your stomach, that's to swallow.
But if something's hard to swallow, it can mean that it's hard to accept.
For example, the news was hard to swallow.
The news that my school had burned down was hard to swallow.
I've got some bad news for you and you're going to want to sit down.
Really? What is it your school is burned down?
What? No. Right. It was hard to swallow the news.
In this case, what kind of tea is hard to swallow reality?
Because reality can be hard to swallow sometimes.
You know, when you're told the cold hard truth of a situation, that can be hard to swallow.
It's reality. Okay.
Another one could be TNT.
TNT meaning explosives.
Fair enough. That's quite a good answer as well.
Number 17. I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.
I like this joke very much.
Okay. So a vacuum cleaner.
I mean, I seem to explain this word so many times on this podcast, but it's a thing you'd use to like clean up your home.
And it sucks. I mean, you know, even the good ones suck.
There's another answer to that question.
Why did I sold my vacuum cleaner?
It sucked. So anyway.
So the vacuum, that's what a vacuum cleaner is, right?
So all it was doing was collecting dust.
So here's the punchline.
If something is collecting dust, it could mean that you're never using it.
It maybe sits on a on the outside of the vacuum cleaner, right?
So we all have things in our homes, like gadgets or items that we just never use.
We all have these things, right?
So you might have like a, I don't know, like a toasted cheese sandwich maker sitting on the shelf in the kitchen, and you haven't used it for two years.
And it's covered in a layer of dust.
Dust is just this stuff that lands on surfaces and you have to regularly clean those surfaces or dust those surfaces.
Okay. Dust is, it's made from like clothing fibers and human bits, particles of human skin and hair and stuff.
It's rather disgusting.
It's in the air, especially when you, if you change your clothes, dust goes into the air and then it settles on the surfaces and you have to wipe those surfaces off or like use a hoover, use a vacuum cleaner to remove all the dust.
So if something is collecting dust or gathering dust, it means it's not being used.
It's just sitting on the shelf and dust is landing on it.
It's collecting dust, but also a vacuum cleaner.
The other meaning of this is that a vacuum cleaner does collect dust.
It sucks the dust up into the bag.
Ah, I sold my vacuum cleaner.
All it was doing was collecting dust.
That's quite a good joke.
Yes. Number 18. Why do pirates have to learn the alphabet?
If they don't, they'll be lost at C.
If they don't learn the alphabet, they'll be lost at C.
They'll go A, B, C and then they won't know what letter comes next.
They'll be lost at the letter C if they don't learn the alphabet.
But also pirates will be lost at C, meaning C like the ocean.
If you're lost at C, it means you're out on a boat in the ocean and you don't know where you are.
So pirates have to learn the alphabet so that they don't get lost at C.
Dad joke. Yeah. 19.
What's worse than this is one of the oldest jokes that I know.
This one. I remember this from years and years ago when I was a little kid at school.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
So you're eating an apple and there's a worm in the apple.
What's worse than that?
I mean, that's already quite bad, but what could be worse than that?
Well, finding half a worm in your apple.
Because obviously this means that you've eaten the other half.
A worm. Okay. That's bad.
Half a worm. Oh dear.
I just ate half a worm.
Which is obviously worse than finding a whole worm in your apple.
Yes. And Terry Tobias commented, this joke has been around as long as there have been apples and worms.
True. Number 20. Quite like this one, although it's a little dark.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
Now you think this means that a child has been taken at school?
Yeah. I don't know who you are.
I don't know why you have my child.
If you're looking for a ransom, I can tell you I don't have money.
But what I do have are a particular set of skills for explaining jokes.
So we think that maybe this means a child has been taken.
Right. There's been a kidnapping.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
But no, it's okay. He woke up.
So it's, did you hear about the kid napping at school?
Napping means having a sleep, having a siesta.
So did you hear about the kid napping at school?
Did you hear about the kid who was napping at school?
It's okay. He woke up.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's okay. He woke up.
That's a massive audience of people all laughing because it's such a wonderful joke.
Right. Let's move on, shall we?
Let's keep going. Okay.
How many are we going to get through?
Number 21. So here come the next 10 jokes.
Okay. Strap in, get ready.
Do you understand them?
Here we go. Number 21.
What do you call a Minecraft meetup IRL?
What do you call a Minecraft meetup in real life?
The answer, a block party.
Number 22. Why are spiders such know -it -alls?
Why are spiders such know -it -alls?
Because they're always on the web.
Number 23. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Just look for the fresh prince.
I've told that joke before on this podcast.
Number 24. A lot of people cry when they cut an onion.
The trick is not to form an emotional bond with the onion.
Okay. 25. Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.
Yes. That's not bad.
Number 26. What did Jay -Z or Jay -Z as we don't call him in the UK, but anyway we could do because we say Z in the UK, but we still call him Jay -Z.
What did Jay -Z call his girlfriend before getting married?
The answer, fiance.
What did Jay -Z call his girlfriend before getting married?
Fiance. I like that.
Number 27. I thought I'd tell you a brilliant time travel joke, but you didn't like it.
I thought I would tell you a brilliant time travel joke, but you didn't like it.
I like that as well.
Okay. I'm actually really enjoying these.
Number 28. Why can't you trust an atom?
Why can't you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
Actually, this is not a bad selection.
I thought they were getting worse, but I don't mind these.
Maybe it's because I'm a dad.
So, you know, I'm naturally attracted to the cheesy dad jokes.
Number 29. Oh, this old joke.
Number 29. Can February, February.
Can February, March?
No, but April, May.
It's real dad joke.
Fantastic. Can February, March?
No, but April, May.
That's almost like, that's like why he was six afraid of seven because seven, eight, nine, isn't it?
Number 30 then. A science teacher tells his class, oxygen is a must for breathing and life.
It was discovered in 1773.
A boy responds, thank God I was born after 1773.
Otherwise I would have died without it.
Okay, that was quite crap, wasn't it?
Okay, let's go back through this unexpectedly quite enjoyable section that we just had there.
I'm not sure about this Minecraft joke, but anyway, what do you call a Minecraft meetup in real life?
So a meetup, this is where obviously people get together, they meet each other for a social gathering.
A meetup, a Minecraft meetup would be maybe people get together and play Minecraft together, or they get together and just talk about Minecraft.
Or these are people who've playing Minecraft together online and they meet up in real life.
That's IRL means in real life.
What do you call a Minecraft meetup in real life?
A block party. Okay, not bad, I suppose.
A block party is just a word for a type of party, right?
In American English.
It's like where the whole section, a whole section of a street has a big party.
But also a block party could be related to Minecraft because they use blocks, right, to build things in Minecraft.
So a block party because of the blocks in Minecraft.
Yeah, not my favourite one.
Number 22, why are spiders such know it alls?
Okay, this is a real super dad joke, this one.
Why are spiders such know it alls?
If you're a know it all, it means that you know it all.
You're really clever clogs.
You know everything.
Oh, you're such a know it all, aren't you?
What's the capital of Australia?
Canberra. Oh god, you're such a know it all, aren't you?
Why are spiders such know it alls?
Because they're always on the web.
Right, a spider web, of course, rather than the internet, but still, they're always on the web.
That's why they know it alls.
Number 23, how do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Of course, we know Will Smith, right, the actor.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Just look for the Fresh Prince.
Okay, so this is a fairly sophisticated pun on the phrase Fresh Prince.
So obviously, you might be thinking the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, which is the TV series that he was in back in the 90s.
That's how we first got famous, right, the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
So that's fresh Prince, Prince P -R -I -N -C -E, but this is look for the Fresh Prince, P -R -I -N -T -S.
So if you're looking for someone in the snow, you would look for Fresh Prince, meaning footprints in the snow.
If they're fresh footprints, it means that someone has recently left those footprints in the snow.
So how do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You just look for the Fresh Prince.
You look for the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, or you look for the Fresh Footprints in the snow.
Actually, I quite like that.
You just look for the Fresh Prince.
Number 24, a lot of people cry when they cut an onion, which can be a problem.
But the trick, meaning the solution, to make sure you don't cry when you cut an onion, the solution is not to form an emotional bond with the onion.
Okay, an emotional bond means an emotional connection.
Like, for example, if you make friends with the onion and you develop an emotional attachment or connection to the onion.
In fact, you maybe even love that onion slightly.
You pick the onion out and you become friends with it.
You share things with it and you form an emotional bond with that onion.
In the same way, you form an emotional bond with friends when you go through an experience with them.
Obviously, you have an emotional bond with members of your family.
It's difficult to break that emotional bond.
If you are separated from those people, you might cry.
So how do you make sure you don't cry when you cut an onion?
Just make sure you don't form an emotional bond with the onion before you start cutting it.
Alright. Gerard Nuh again says, that's why I only let ninjas do it.
Okay. Alright. Apparently he only lets ninjas cut his onions so that there's no emotional bond.
Okay. Number 25. Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
Okay. This one I like a lot, right?
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
A hipster is someone who's like really cool, right?
Someone is so cool.
They do everything.
They like everything before everyone else likes them, right?
They like like the right bands, the right kinds of fashions, the right sort of food trends.
Hipsters always like these things before they become cool.
When something becomes cool, it means like when everyone thinks they're good and hipsters are like, well, I like that band before they were cool.
Meaning before it was, before it was cool to like that band.
Okay. So now it's, it's cool to wear certain brands of clothing.
It's cool to wear like baggy trousers, baggy jeans.
It's cool to wear that now.
Hipsters would have been wearing baggy jeans like several years before it was cool.
I was wearing those jeans.
I was wearing those sneakers before it was cool because that's what hipsters do, right?
So why did the hipster burn his mouth?
Which is like, my mouth.
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.
Okay. So he burned his mouth on his coffee because he drank it before it was cool.
Yeah. Okay. Number 26.
What did Jay -Z call his girlfriend before getting married?
His fiance. So obviously his girlfriend was Beyonce, who he married.
That's his wife. And fiance is a, is the word for, you know, your girlfriend before you get married.
That's your fiance.
You get engaged and then you have a fiance and then you get married and then she's your wife.
So I think you get it right.
Beyonce, fiance. Okay.
I don't know. I quite like that.
Number 27. I thought I'd tell you a brilliant time travel joke, but you didn't like it.
Quite clever. I thought I would tell you a brilliant time travel joke.
This, it sounds like you're, you're going, someone is going to tell you the joke.
Right. If I say, I thought I'd tell you a brilliant time travel joke, it sounds like I'm now going to tell you a time travel joke.
Right. I thought I would, I thought I would make you a cup of tea and then you make them a cup of tea.
Right. I thought I'd tell you a time travel joke, but you didn't like it.
So right. You get the idea.
So first of all, it sounds like something's going to happen in the future, but you didn't, but you didn't like it is in the past.
So this means the person traveled through time, told them the joke already.
The person didn't like the joke.
And then the person has come back in time from the future and has said, you get the, I think I hope you get the idea.
Do you get the idea?
All right. And that one friend 15 said, it's not going to be in style for a few years.
Okay. Does that make sense?
I'm not sure. Number 28.
Why can't you trust an atom?
Okay. Why can't you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
So atoms are the form, the basis of molecules, chemical molecules, that everything is made from atoms.
Right. You could, you know, as you get smaller and smaller and smaller, all things are made of chemicals.
Those chemicals are made up of molecules, which are basically made up of atoms.
The elements of all substances.
Everything's made up of atoms.
So why can't you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
I like this because it's, there's a double meaning.
They make up everything.
So on one sense, in one sense, this means that they, they, everything is constructed with atoms.
Atoms make up everything.
So everything's made or constructed with atoms.
The other meaning of makeup means to create or invent the things they say.
So to lie, essentially.
Right. So where did you get that?
Where did you get those shoes?
Oh, yeah. Like a magical wizard who makes magic sneakers came down from the top of a mountain.
And he said, you know, I'll give you three wishes.
What do you want? And I wish for these sneakers.
So he just gave them to me.
So that's not true.
You made that up. Right.
That's to make something up.
So two meanings, that the atoms make up everything, everything is made up from atoms and atoms make up everything they say they lie all the time.
Why can't you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
Working hard here. Can February, March, no, but April, May.
Okay. March is a verb.
It means to walk kind of in a steady way, like a soldier, like groups of soldiers, they march.
Right. That's the effect of a group of soldiers marching down the road, of course.
It's not someone walking through snow or someone eating some salad.
No, it's a group of soldiers marching down a road or something.
So March is a verb.
It's also the name of one of the months in the year.
So can February, March, no, but April, May.
So April, May, May is also a verb, of course, isn't it?
It's a modal verb. So, you know, February, March sounds like a sentence.
April, May sounds a little bit like a sentence as well.
So can February, March, no, but April, May.
Very old joke, that one.
And number 30. A science teacher tells his class oxygen is a must for breathing and life.
It was discovered in 1773.
So presumably, this means that, you know, a scientist discovered the presence of oxygen, discovered the oxygen molecule was able to identify that this molecule existed before 1773.
We didn't have this knowledge.
So it was discovered in 1773.
It doesn't mean it was invented in 1773.
It doesn't mean that there was no such thing as oxygen before that.
Like, for example, penicillin, you could say that penicillin was discovered.
And before penicillin, we weren't able to manufacture this antibiotic and therefore we weren't able to use it as medicine, right?
So before the discovery of penicillin, we weren't able to use antibiotics as forms of medicine.
So if you got an infection before the time when we had discovered penicillin, then, you know, there's a chance that your infection could kill you.
Right, so in the sense that we're talking about scientific discoveries in that way, but oxygen was discovered in 1773.
Obviously, before we discovered the existence of it, we were still able to use it because it's just in the air.
Right, so oxygen is a must for breathing in life.
It was discovered in 1773.
A boy responds, thank God I was born after 1773.
Otherwise, I would have died without it.
Okay, I think you understand that one now, don't you?
Um, all right, let's move on.
Let's do some more.
Are you still alive?
Can you take any more?
Let's keep, let's crack on a little bit longer.
Okay, so let's do another 10.
Here we go. Ready? Right.
Number 31, what kind of music do balloons hate?
What kind of music do balloons hate?
The answer, pop. Number 32, I thought my neighbors were lovely people.
Then they went and put a password on their Wi Fi.
All right. Number 33, what side of a turkey has the most feathers?
What side of a turkey has the most feathers?
The outside. Number 34, what starts with an E?
So what starts with E ends with E and has only one letter in it.
What starts with E ends with E and has only one letter in it?
An envelope. How did the bullets lose its job?
It got fired. 36, what did the man say when he walked into a bar?
Ouch. My God, some ancient jokes in this list.
Absolutely ancient.
Number 37, why do teenage girls travel in odd numbered groups?
Why do teenage girls travel in odd numbered groups because they can't even?
Okay, I wonder if you get that.
Number 38, what does a high school basketball player and a jury have in common?
What does a high school basketball player and a jury have in common?
Answer, the court. Number 39, I think my algebra teacher is a pirate.
All she ever wants to do is find X.
Okay, quality has dropped off a little bit.
And number 40, how does the moon cut its hair?
Eclipse it. I feel like I've just been punched in the stomach.
How does the moon cut its hair?
Eclipse it. Oh God.
Okay, I'm not sure I can take much more of this.
So what kind of music do balloons hate?
Pop. So pop is a kind of music, obviously.
And pop is also what happens when you stick a pin in a balloon.
Pop. And the balloon bursts.
So what kind of music do balloons hate?
Pop music, because pop, and that's the end of the balloon.
Okay. Oh, and number 32, I thought my neighbors were lovely people, then they went and put a password on their WiFi.
So that's not really a joke, like a pun word joke, is it really?
It's not a pun. I guess the idea is that this person was using their neighbors WiFi.
I thought my neighbors were lovely people, then they went and put a password on their WiFi.
So yeah, I can't explain that any more than that.
But maybe if you're kind of secretly using your neighbors WiFi, logging into my neighbors WiFi again, the losers didn't protect it with a password.
My neighbors are so nice.
And then oh, they put a password on their WiFi.
Oh, and I thought they were so generous and lovely.
I don't know, it's difficult to explain that one.
Number 33, I like this kind of joke, sort of weird silly jokes like this.
What side of a turkey has the most feathers?
Anything in the underside, the top side, the bottom side?
What side of a turkey has the most feathers?
Not the top side or the bottom side?
No, the outside. Because obviously, the inside of a turkey doesn't have any feathers, does it?
The outside does, yeah.
Number 34, what starts with E ends with E and has only one letter in it, an envelope.
Technically true, the word envelope does have an E at the end and an E at the beginning.
And typically an envelope contains one letter.
So the double meaning here is the word letter.
A letter could be like A, B, C, D, E, F, G.
These are letters. But also a letter could be a thing that you write.
Dear John blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you're sincerely right.
So what starts with an E ends with an E and has only one letter in it, an envelope.
All right. 35, how did the bullet lose its job?
It got fired. So the double meaning is to get fired.
To get fired means to be told to leave your job.
Right. That's it. We've caught you stealing from the office three times now.
So that's it. Get your coat, you're fired.
So to be dismissed from your job, to lose your job, to get fired, to get sacked, to get fired, to get dismissed.
But the bullet lost its job.
It got fired. So obviously, bang, click, bang.
That obviously is another meaning of the expression to get fired, meaning to get fired from a gun.
Very sophisticated stuff this, isn't it?
Number 36, what did the man say when he walked into a bar?
He said ouch, because he just walked into a bar.
So this is not a bar meaning a pub, but a bar meaning a large piece of metal.
Slam, he just walked into a bar.
Ouch. That's one of the oldest jokes in the book.
A man walks into a bar.
Ouch. Because a man walks into a bar is a common beginning of a joke, isn't it?
Lots of jokes start with man walks into a bar.
In this case, a man walks into a bar.
Ouch. Because he walked into an iron bar.
Okay. Number 37, why do teenage girls travel in odd numbered groups?
Okay. Odd numbers and even numbers.
Odd and even numbers.
Do you know what these are?
Odd numbers and even numbers.
Odd numbers are 13579, even numbers 2468.
Right. Why do teenage girls travel in odd numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
Now, I can't even. That is something that teenage girls might say.
And it's like an incomplete sentence.
It's like I can't even.
I can't even. I don't know what it would be.
What would be the complete version of I can't even.
I can't even describe how cringe, how cringy that is.
Or I can't even think about that right now.
I can't even talk about it.
I can't even comment on it.
I just, I can't even.
So it's the sort of thing that teenage girls say when they don't like something or if they feel too many, too many emotions.
Like if they watch a very sad video online, they might write, I can't even full stop, meaning I can't even describe how I had to feel about that.
So it's just a typical thing that teenage girl says, I can't even.
So why do teenage girls travel in odd numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
I mean, grammatically doesn't work, but you get the idea.
They can't even, so they can't travel in odd numbered groups.
To get it? Number 38.
What does a high school, I don't like this joke because it's it's crap, isn't it?
What does a high school basketball player and a jury have in common?
The court. Well, I don't know why it's a high school basketball player because any basketball player, right, this works for.
Anyway, what does a basketball player and a jury have in common?
The court. So this is double meaning of the word court.
On one hand, you got a basketball court, which is the place where the basketball game is played.
The lines on the ground.
This is the court, basketball court, you have a football pitch, you have a basketball court, tennis court, volleyball court, badminton court.
Right. And football pitch.
So that's one meaning of court.
And obviously the jury, they are in a court as well, you got the judge, the jury, you've got lawyers, you've got the defendant.
This is a court as well.
I mean, originally, this is because sports were played in courts, these rooms, these like wooden paneled rooms, or the square spaces that would have been part of sort of like a king's palace or home, you get these square areas.
That's called a court.
And like criminal trials would have been would have taken place in the court.
And also games of tennis or other sports would have taken place in a court as well.
These days, the things of a totally separate so that a basketball court is a million miles away from a law court.
But in many, many years ago, they would have been the same place, right?
Anyway, the court, yeah.
Number 39, I think my algebra teacher is a pirate.
All she ever wants to do is find x algebra, we're talking about maths problems again, right, working out maths problems, working out equations, and often in equations, you need to work out what x represents.
So x equals blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, x equals and then, and then an equation one over nine plus three multiplied by seven equals x and you've got to work out what x is.
So my algebra teacher is a pirate because all she wants to do is find x because pirates are always trying to find x, they've got a map, a treasure map, and there's an x marked on the map.
And that's where the treasure is.
So they're always trying to find x.
So maths teacher is a pirate because she's always trying to find x.
Genius. And number 40, how does the moon cut its hair?
Eclipse it. How does the moon cut its hair?
Eclipse it. So this sounds like he clips it.
To clip something is another word for cut, right?
To clip something is to cut it.
So eclipse it sounds like he clips it, although the moon doesn't have hair.
So, you know, I suppose it's because he clips it all the time.
Anyway, he clips it, but also eclipse is something that happens to the moon, right?
A lunar eclipse. This is where the moon is covered up by the sun or the moon is in the shadow of the sun.
And so it disappears.
Or when the moon passes in front of the sun, you have a solar eclipse.
How does the moon cut its hair?
Eclipse it. He clips it.
Oh, dear. Right. You know what, I'm going to do nine more jokes so that I can end this with an odd number because for some reason, for some reason, odd numbers in episode titles appear to be more compelling than even numbers.
I don't know why. Three, five, seven, nine odd numbers in episode titles seem to work.
So I'll do nine more.
And is it nine more?
Yeah. And then we'll be done.
All right. So number 41, why did the selfie go to prison?
Why did the selfie go to prison?
It was framed. Oh, dear.
Number 42, which hand is better to write with?
Which hand is better to write with?
Neither. It's better to write with a pencil.
Not bad. Number 43, were any famous men and women born on your birthday?
Were any famous men and women born on your birthday?
No, only babies. 44, what do you call high school kids who haven't been able to go to school because of COVID -19?
What do you call high school kids who haven't been able to go to school because of COVID -19?
The answer quarantines.
45, what do you call the horse that lives next door?
What do you call the horse that lives next door?
Your neighbour. Okay.
And number 46, how do you drown a hipster?
Another hipster joke.
How do you drown a hipster in the mainstream?
Okay. All right. 47, how did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked. 48, what do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A stick. And finally, number 49, it better be a good one.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
Yeah. Okay. So let's go back then and explain this last selection.
So why did the selfie go to prison?
To be honest, it could have been why did the photo go to prison?
But I suppose they're trying to make this list appeal to teenagers for some reason.
So it has to be a selfie.
Although this could have easily have worked with just the word photo.
Anyway, why did the selfie go to prison?
Because it was framed.
So a photograph can be framed in the sense that it's put in the frame, right?
It's put inside the frame of the photograph, right?
A photograph can be well framed or badly framed.
If it's badly framed, it means half of your face is outside the frame of the photo.
That's badly framed.
Well framed means your face is in the middle of the photo.
So framed, or it could be framed, meaning put in a frame and put on the wall, put in a picture frame, nice, like, you know, frame with a black border and put on the wall with glass on the front.
That also is another meaning of the word framed.
But in the context of going to prison and crime and stuff, if you are you're guilty.
For example, let's say someone murders somebody, right?
They murder someone, but they want to make it look like you did it.
So what they do is maybe they, how would they frame you?
They'd take some, like they'd steal some of your hair from your pillow and drop the hair next to the murder site and they'd maybe take some other evidence of yours and put it near the murder site, right?
And maybe they would find a way to make it look like you were the one who did the murder.
And then the police would investigate.
They'd find all this evidence and they'd go, we're pretty sure that this is the guy who did it.
And then they'd arrest you and you'd go to prison and be like, I'm innocent.
I'm innocent. I've been framed.
Right. That's to be framed.
So why did the selfie go to prison?
Because it was framed.
Right. Number 42. Which hand is better to write with?
Neither, it's better to write with a pencil.
I quite like that. I have to say, which hand is better to write with?
You're thinking, should you write with your right hand or should you write with your left hand?
Neither, it's better to write with a pencil.
Don't write with your hand.
Write with a pencil.
Fair enough. Fair enough.
Number 43. Were any famous men and women born on your birthday?
No. Only babies. Yeah, this is true.
No men or women are born, are they?
You know, like imagine, oh, Mrs.
Smith, you're pregnant.
It's your due date today.
You've got to go to the hospital and then, okay, push, Mrs.
Smith, push. It's nearly here.
Keep pushing, pushing.
Pop. Hello there. Hi.
Yes. Fantastic to have just been born.
And that's if a man was born.
You get the idea, right?
No men or women are born on your birthday.
Only babies are born.
Yeah. Okay. 44. What do you call high school kids who haven't been able to go to school because of COVID -19?
Quarantines. So quarantine, quarantine is, is when obviously you have to stay separated from everyone else.
Maybe because you might be sick and we don't want it to spread.
Similarly, when animals travel, um, they have to be quarantined.
So they're put in quarantine.
But teen, of course, teen, we think of teenagers.
Teens are teenagers.
These are jokes for teens.
Jokes for teenagers.
So what about kids who haven't been able to go to school because of COVID -19?
They are called quarantines.
All right. Number 45.
What do you call the horse that lives next door?
Your neighbour. So nay, nay is the sound that a horse makes, right?
My daughter's really good at making this sound effect.
I'm not so good at it.
Told you. So nay is the sound that horse makes.
Like that. So, but also neighbour, your neighbour and your neighbour.
Okay. Number 46. How do you drown a hipster?
To drown someone is kill them by putting them in water so they can't breathe.
How do you drown a hipster in the mainstream?
Right. Yeah. So the mainstream means like the, the kind of part of culture that everyone, um, it's like the well -known aspect of culture, the stuff that everyone knows.
So things that are mainstream are things that are popular with everyone.
So if we talk about mainstream music, mainstream movies, you know, mainstream movies are like the Star Wars, Marvel films, mainstream music.
That's stuff like Taylor Swift and Dua Lipa, the pop music that everybody knows.
This is mainstream.
And then the other stuff that fewer people know about the stuff that kind of hipsters know about the stuff that is maybe not cool yet, not part of the mainstream yet.
This is alternative stuff, right?
Alternative music, alternative culture.
And this is where hipsters, this is what hipsters like.
They like the alternative stuff, not the stuff that everyone likes.
They don't like that mainstream stuff.
They like the cool, uh, or the hip, uh, alternative things.
So how do you drown a hipster in the mainstream?
Cause they, they can't stand the mainstream stuff, but mainstream sounds like a river as well, doesn't it?
A stream is like water running through, you know, like a river.
How do you drown a hipster in the mainstream?
Okay. And 47, how did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
So if you know about this, Benjamin Franklin did an experiment, uh, about electricity, the conductivity of electricity.
He flew a kite with a metal key attached to it during a, an electrical storm.
And, um, he got, he got electrocuted because the, the kite got struck by lightning.
The lightning went down the line of his, uh, kite and he got electrocuted.
Right? So how did he feel when he discovered electricity?
He felt shocked. Shocked obviously means surprised, but it can also literally mean shocked by electricity.
Okay. 48. What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A boomerang obviously is a, an Australian, a traditional Aboriginal Australian weapon, which you throw and it comes back again.
But what do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
Well, it's just a stick, isn't it?
A stick is a, just a, like a branch of a tree made from woods.
A piece of woods is a stick.
So a boomerang that won't come back is just a stick.
All right. And finally, why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs.
So a comb is obviously a thing that you use to comb your hair.
Right. It's like a thing with teeth and you run it through your hair and it sort of makes your hair look neat and tidy.
Um, but also honey comb is what bees produce.
Um, right. If you've got a beehive, bees obviously making honey, but the honey is made inside these little, um, hexagonal.
This, this, these hexagonal structures.
These are called honey combs.
This is where the honey, you squeeze the honey out of these things.
These are honey combs.
They're often dripping with honey.
So there's a double meaning.
Honey combs, meaning those structures where bees are making honey and a comb, the thing you use to comb your hair.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs.
Yep. Okay. So that's where we're going to leave the jokes.
I thought that maybe though, since we're learning English here, or at least you are, uh, I think I've probably mostly got it now in terms of learning English, but anyway, since I'm trying to help you learn English, what I'll do now is just quickly fly through a list of vocabulary, uh, that has just
come up in this episode.
So let's do a really quick vocab review and I'm going to make a vocab list and go through it with you.
Let's do that right now.
Okay. So what I'm going to do is just, um, try to make you remember the different words and phrases that have come up.
Not all of them, but it's quite a lot.
I don't know how many things I've got in this list.
Uh, quite a lot, I think.
Let's just have a look.
So we're looking at about 28 different items of vocabulary here.
So the first thing is a word that means you really need something.
You really want something.
For example, you really want an answer to a certain question.
In fact, you want it so much, you're willing to go even to the second page of the Google search results.
You are absolutely for it.
If you really need the toilet, you could say that you are for the toilet.
So the word is desperate, right?
To be desperate for something.
Okay. Um, so what's, what do we call, um, a situation when somebody doesn't know anything, they haven't been educated, they don't know, um, they just don't know things because they're not, they're uneducated, haven't been told or educated the right things to do, or they don't know about, uh, general
knowledge. We call this ignorance as well, right?
Ignorance or to be ignorant.
Um, and similarly, and a different concept when someone just doesn't care, someone who doesn't care about anything at all, we would say that they are apathetic, but the noun is apathy.
So ignorance and apathy, ignorance, I don't know.
Apathy, I don't care.
Uh, what's this to do?
What to clap your hands, of course.
What about dinosaurs?
They don't exist anymore or at least, you know, they evolved into other animals, but things like the Tyrannosaurus Rex and Stegosaurus, all the classic dinosaurs, Triceratops, they don't exist anymore because they are what they are extinct.
Yeah, they went extinct millions of years ago.
Um, I was trying to work something out and then suddenly I realized the answer.
It hit me. I was trying to work it out and suddenly I got it.
It hit me. Right. It hit me.
Suddenly realized the answer.
What about if you borrow money, right?
For example, you need to get a bank loan to help you pay for your university studies and then you are what you is silent, right?
To be in debt, to have debt.
Uh, what about you?
When you did, did you go to university?
Have you been to university?
Were you in debt when you left university?
I was luckily have paid it all off now.
Um, another expression, uh, it means to go walking, maybe to go walking in the countryside, walking in the hills or the mountains or something is to go hiking.
Right. Next expression.
Uh, if you're writing an essay, uh, you're writing an essay, you wouldn't just write the final version.
The first thing you write wouldn't be the final version.
I know you're thinking, yeah, Luke, I would just use chat GPT.
No, that's cheating.
Um, you write a first version where you make mistakes and stuff and you make corrections and then you do your final version.
Um, although these days of course we use computers and stuff, so we just tend to work on one version.
But if you're in an exam and you're doing it on paper, you might do a, what?
A rough draft first before the final version.
If you lose your job because you've done something wrong, you get what?
You get you get fired, uh, or get sacked.
Mm -hmm. Um, if you do something like, for example, tell a joke in front of a group of people, hopefully you will, hopefully they won't just completely ignore you.
Hopefully you'll get some response from them.
You will get a reaction.
Right? If you're doing an experiment with chemicals, you mix some chemicals together, you would get a chemical reaction.
Right? Uh, if you see something and you identify it like, well that, hey, look, that's a leopard, isn't it there?
Look, can you see that?
That's a leopard. Right?
Or like you, you're looking at some birds and you say, hey, look at that.
Look, that's a, that's a, that's a red kite over there.
Wow. That's quite a rare bird to spot something.
Um, if something is difficult to, to, to accept, for example, someone tells you some bad news and this is like, wait a minute, I can't, I need to sit down.
I can't, I can't, I can't deal with that.
Then you could say it's hard to swallow.
Also, swallow is part of eating.
You chew, you bite, and then you chew, and then you swallow, right?
Um, if you've got an item, like for example, a, a sandwich maker or something, but it's just sitting on a shelf, just slowly getting dusty, dusty.
You could say it is dust.
It's collecting dust or it's gathering dust.
That's why I sold my vacuum cleaner because it was just gathering dust.
Um, if you're completely lost and you don't know what's going on, like for example, it's your first day in a new job and like, Oh God, I'm really confused.
I don't know what's going on.
I don't know where I am.
I'm feeling a bit lost at sea.
So you can literally be lost at sea.
If you're out in the ocean, you don't know where you are, but also you could we use this idiom to just mean that you're feeling it.
You're feeling a bit lost.
Like I'm just, I'm sorry.
I'm lost at sea. Like you don't know what's going on.
If you know everything, you're a bit annoying because you know everything, right?
People might call you this.
If you're someone who knows everything, you can be a bit of a know it all.
Right. Um, what's another word for an, a connection, an emotional connection that you would form with, with somebody.
We call it an emotional bond.
So a bond is a connection.
Okay. What about hipsters?
They like things before what they are cool.
You know, I liked it before it was cool.
Um, to, to invent a story or invent something to kind of lie or invent something, um, or create something in your head.
Um, it would be, for example, Oh, you know, a wizard gave me this, these trainers, magic wizard, this to make something up.
Right. Um, two types of numbers.
We've got one, one, three, five, seven, nine and two, four, six, eight, 10, one, three, five, seven, nine.
These are odd numbers and two, four, six, eight, 10.
These are even numbers, right?
When do you play basketball?
You play basketball on a basketball court.
And of course you've, you've got the law court as well.
Who do you find in a law court?
There's the guy at the front with the hammer.
That's the judge. You've got the 12 people who make the decision whether someone is guilty or not.
That's the jury. You've got the people who defend someone or maybe try to prosecute someone.
Those are the lawyers.
And then you've got the person who is standing there who might be found guilty or not.
That's the defendant.
Okay. And if someone might be a defendant in a law court and they're saying, I'm innocent, I'm innocent, it wasn't me, but the evidence seems to show.
Yeah. But I've been, what?
I've been people have made it look like I'm guilty.
I'm guilty, but it wasn't me.
I've been framed, right?
I've been framed. Um, what about in terms of culture?
You've got like the, the stuff that's really popular that everyone knows about.
This is mainstream stuff.
And then you've got alternative stuff.
Uh, in the morning you might get up and make sure your hair looks neat.
I never do this, but that would be to comb your hair with what?
With a comb and then bees produce honey in what?
Uh, in honeycomb, which I think is actually one word, isn't it?
I think so. Okay. So that was a vocab review.
Very quick vocab review of about 28 items of vocabulary or more that came up in this episode.
I hope that you've found this enjoyable and useful.
If you, um, you know, if you enjoyed this and you got to the end, leave me some sort of comment about honey or comb something about combing your hair or honey, a honeybee.
You could leave an emoji of a honeybee in the comments section, mentioned something about honey or mentioned something about combing your hair, bees, uh, hair brushes, something like that to show that you got to the end of the episode.
Well done for making this, making it this far without becoming a skeleton with headphones on.
Did you enjoy this episode?
Would you like to hear me explain more jokes?
Then check out these other episodes from my episode archive.
And I've been doing joke episodes for years.
Episodes 264, 265, 266, 313, 316, 547, 611, 623, 631, 697, 741, 764, 840, 882 are all episodes where I have explained jokes, uh, on the podcast.
So check out that list.
You'll find it on the page for this episode on my website.
Just follow the link in the description.
Thank you so much for listening to Luke's English Podcast.
I will speak to you again in the next episode, but for now, it's just time to say goodbye.
Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye. Thanks for listening to Luke's English Podcast.
For more information, visit teacherluke .co .uk.
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