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[The Science and Social Significance of Crying]-[131. Why Do We Cry?]

No Stupid Questions · B2 · 2023-01-22

Culture
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📋 Summary

The Purpose of Crying: Biological Function and Social Signaling

In this episode of No Stupid Questions, hosts Angela Duckworth and Stephen Dubner explore the multifaceted nature of human crying. While tears serve basic biological functions—such as lubricating the eyeball or flushing out foreign particles—the discussion focuses primarily on the evolutionary and social reasons behind emotional tears.

Crying as an Interpersonal Signal

Angela Duckworth proposes a central thesis: crying is fundamentally a form of "interpersonal communication." She argues that, unlike other animals, humans have evolved to use tears as a sophisticated "SOS signal" to elicit support from others. This is particularly evident in infancy, where crying serves as a clear indicator of distress—whether due to hunger, physical pain, or discomfort—prompting caregivers to intervene.

As humans mature, this signal becomes more complex. It is no longer just a reaction to immediate physical needs but a tool to communicate internal states such as "loss or separation," "helplessness," or even overwhelming positive emotions. Duckworth highlights that this signaling mechanism is highly effective; she shares a personal anecdote about crying during a difficult conversation with a supervisor, noting how the tears acted as an "emotional exclamation mark" that signaled her sincerity and depth of feeling, ultimately changing the manager’s response from skepticism to support.

The Psychology of Emotional Triggers

Referencing the research of psychologist Ad Vingerhoets from Tilburg University, the hosts categorize the causes of emotional tears into five distinct areas:

  1. Loss or separation (grief).
  2. Helplessness or powerlessness.
  3. Physical pain and discomfort.
  4. Empathic crying (responding to others' distress).
  5. Responses to extraordinarily positive or moving situations.

Dubner admits to being particularly moved by the fifth category, noting that he is more likely to cry at beautiful music or profound life moments than in response to traditional grief. This leads to a discussion on whether crying provides a "catharsis" or a purging of emotion. While the hosts acknowledge the popular myth of the "good cry," they note that scientific research suggests catharsis is often overstated, though biochemist William Fry hypothesized that emotional tears might contain higher protein levels, potentially helping the body remove chemicals built up during stress.

Gender Norms and Social Conditioning

A significant portion of the conversation addresses the gender gap in crying, noting that women statistically cry more often than men. The hosts explore both biological and social factors. While some suggest testosterone might inhibit crying and prolactin might promote it, the conversation leans heavily into "social conditioning."

Historically, as noted by Sandra Newman in Aeon magazine, men in literature and history—from the Iliad to the Tale of the Heike—cried demonstratively without it being viewed as a weakness. The hosts suggest that the modern association of male crying with femininity or weakness is a relatively recent cultural construct. Duckworth points to studies, including those by Vingerhoets, suggesting that "crying proneness" is positively correlated with altruism and moral behavior. She concludes with a "pep talk" for men: by embracing emotional expression, one does not necessarily signal weakness, but rather a capacity for empathy and social connection. Ultimately, the ability to cry remains a versatile, uniquely human tool for navigating the complexities of our social lives.

🎯Key Sentences

1
I'm in physical pain, I'm in discomfort, I'm hungry.
2
I'll go out on a limb and say, I think human beings are the only animals that cry as a means of social communication.
3
Well, it depends, you know, there's a spectrum.
4
I am fairly prone to cry, at least to tear up, when alone and not with others.
5
Upon reflection, do you think it was a reaction to Franco and your father or what?
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📝Key Phrases

1
go out on a limb
2
tear up
3
prone to
4
take notice
5
in the midst of
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📖 Transcript

I'm in physical pain, I'm in discomfort, I'm hungry.
I'm Angela Duckworth. I'm Stephen Dubner.
And you're listening to those stupid questions.
Today on the show, what is the purpose of crying?
I'm not crying. My eyes are just leaking.
I promise. Angela, a listener named Shane writes in with a question that is surely not stupid.

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