From the New York Times, I'm Anna Merton.
This is Modern Love.
Hello, Modern Love.
Hello, Modern Love podcast.
Hey, Modern Love.
Hi.
Hello.
This is my most romantic just-just story.
So over the past month, we've been asking you to send us the most romantic things that have ever happened to you all, because it's Valentine's Day this week.
Happy Valentine's Day.
And what is Valentine's Day about but romance?
But I've been wondering, like, what does romance really mean to people?
How does it actually show up in our lives?
What's the kind of romantic gesture you keep talking about years later?
We got so many responses from all of you and I feel like I'm always saying this, but I wish we could play them all.
We did listen to every single one, though.
Thank you for sending them in.
Today, we are going to hear some of your stories.
And then, my friends, I'm speaking with the queen and king of Valentines themselves.
All right, sit back, relax and let the romance wash over you.
So the most romantic moment, the most romantic moment of my life, the most romantic thing, the most romantic gesture that i've ever experienced, my most romantic experience, occurred on february 14th 2025, valentine's day, only three months ago.
A couple years ago, may 8th 2010 oh wait, a minute.
It was december 31st 2024.
25 years ago it was a wednesday.
No, now that I think about it, it was actually December 16th 2024.
When I met my now wife, I lived in New York City.
He was stationed in Hawaii.
I was in the first few months of a relationship.
We were standing on a street corner at one point in the middle of the day waiting to cross the street.
He looked over at me.
He kissed me.
And meanwhile, one of those classic trolley cars was riding by.
And this one man who was on the back of the train saw us kiss.
And he leaned out like he was like in singing in the rain and waved at us.
And he shouted, he loves you.
He really, really loves you.
My husband introduced me to running long before we were married, and we were married for 38 years when he passed away.
He encouraged me so much.
He was my biggest cheerleader.
He would write me notes, always be the first person I'd call after a marathon.
But the thing that he did that was the best, most romantic thing was that every night, when we'd sit on the couch, he would ask me to put my feet into his lap.
My gnarly, ugly, running feet.
And he would rub them.
It was such a tender and... romantic gesture.
I'll never forget it.
Our first date was at a jazz bar and we each ordered a drink.
And sometime into the date, I made a second order of a mamoul, which is a date cookie.
It's one of my favorite cookies.
And I was on a big mamoul kick at the time.
And it was just one of the many things that we talked about as we closed out the bar that night on our first date.
On our second date we meet up and he pulls something out of his pocket and says he has a surprise for me.
And in his palm is a wrapped mamoul cookie, because he remembered that I said that I liked it on our first date.
I thought it was really, really sweet and really special and quite romantic for a second date.
On our third date, the same thing happened.
He pulled out a mamou cookie out of his jacket pocket.
Also very sweet, also very cute.
And then so on and so forth.
On our fourth date, our fifth date, our sixth date, he continued to have mamou cookies that he bought in bulk and made sure to always have one to give me every time we started our date.
Mine's not very grand.
It's on the pretty small side of things, but I am partially deaf in my left ear and this results in a lot of scenarios that you could imagine.
If someone's sitting on my left side or to the left of me, I can barely make out what they're saying, unless they're speaking very clearly and loudly.
If I'm in a space with a lot of noise, like a restaurant or a concert, I can barely hear a thing.
That can lead me to feeling quite isolated and frustrated and alone and separate from Well, my partner, who I've been with for about four years now.
Anytime we're out somewhere, anytime we're sitting at a table maybe the restaurant he is the first one to the table and he always makes sure that I have a seat at the place where I could best hear the entirety of the group.
He does this without me asking him to, and oftentimes...
I'll find myself forgetting and not understanding why he's doing what he's doing.
And then I put two and two together that he's trying to make sure that I can be as comfortable and a part of wherever we are as possible.
And that just makes me smile every time he does it.
Some time ago my husband and I were getting ready for bed, and it was a little bit colder than usual.
So I decided to wear a sweatshirt to sleep, which is not something I typically do.
So I put one over my T-shirt I usually sleep in.
Halfway through the night, I woke up very warm.
I sweated a little and I sat up about halfway and I was really struggling to get my sweatshirt off without it taking my t-shirt with it.
So I was fighting that a little bit and I didn't realize I must have woken up my husband, but...
Kind of out of nowhere and silently he reached over and I felt his hand kind of grasp the lower part of my T-shirt.
And I was able to then easily take off my sweatshirt without the T-shirt coming with it.
He gave my back a little pat and then he rolled over and fell back asleep.
When I woke up the next morning, I thought of it instantly and I just thought God, that's so nice to have someone who's you know probably dead asleep themselves notice that you're struggling and just kind of lend a hand.
And I just felt so lucky to be with someone like that.
I have this thing that's really embarrassing.
I am superstitious and I have to knock on wood before bed.
I've been doing it since I was a little girl for as long as I can remember.
When I moved in with my boyfriend, John, I was nervous he would catch me.
And so I would have to slyly reach out to tap on the windowsill, feigning a yawn, pretending I was just stretching.
And one day he did catch me.
He listened as I told him about how it's hard when we go camping or I am traveling for work and there is no wood to knock on nearby.
He lay silently for a while and then said Can I make you a knocking block so you can take it with you anywhere?
It showed me what it feels like when even the least impressive parts of you are welcome.
I felt like he was seeing me and saying something.
That for him, I was like freeze-framed in the world and beautiful.
That tiny, one-second smile.
It just felt like he saw through me to my core.
And it was, to this day, the most romantic moment.
A long time ago, I had my first boyfriend.
I had never been naked in front of a man and the first couple of times I went over to his rooming house and stayed.
I was nervous.
I am a speckled person with freckles on my nose and cheeks and dark, larger freckles sprinkled widely across my arms and legs and back.
One afternoon, as I sat on his mattress on the floor, I drew my knees up and wrapped my arms around them and explained that I felt self-conscious about all the spots.
He was quiet as he kneeled on the floor beside me and he slowly traced the dark freckles on my legs with his finger.
Maybe if we connected the dots, he said, eventually we could find all the constellations.
About two years into our relationship, we got into a huge fight at my apartment.
I got so overwhelmed that I asked if we could put it on pause so I could go for a walk and clear my head.
And on this very tearful walk, I came to the realization that we really don't need to be fighting about whatever we were fighting about.
It was really silly and we love each other.
We can work past this.
And so on my way home, I picked up a bouquet of flowers, something white to show a sign of truce.
And when I walked in later, she was holding almost the exact same bouquet of flowers.
And we just cried and laughed.
And now those two bouquets are sitting in my apartment almost two more years later.
And just show a sign of how much we love each other and we can get through anything.
The most romantic thing that ever happened to me happened just a few weeks ago.
I drove too close to a curb, hit it pretty bad and blew out a tire.
I did the first thing that I know to do, which is call my husband, but he didn't answer.
And he sent me a message that says something like, call you back in a meeting.
So I sent him a message back and said, I blew out my tire.
Here's where I am.
He said, okay.
And in a few minutes He showed up, still on his meeting, like in his call on the phone, and changes my tire for me.
No question, no complaint, just handles it.
And I felt so impressed to be with such a capable human and so honored to know that in his mind, I'm his to take care of.
One day I came home from work to find all of my clothes neatly ironed, folded and put in kind of the right compartment in my wardrobe, with all of the clothes that I wear the most at the front for ease of access.
I didn't even realize that was something that he noticed.
And he didn't even bring it up.
He...
Didn't even think it was that big of a deal that he did that for me, whereas I think it's the most romantic thing I've ever experienced.
My heart just swelled and it was so appreciative.
I was swooning.
I'll never forget it.
He just looks at me and he says, you're so cute.
Can I kiss you?
And I nodded and he kissed me.
And he just took me in his arms and kissed me and kissed me and kissed me.
And then he said, I had to do that.
And then he turned around and he walked away.
He parks, gets out of the car, comes to pick me up, extends his hand you know, in a gentleman in the 18th century where he kisses my hand, draws me in and kisses me in full view of everybody.
I lived in this neighborhood where one block away, there was a house that I adored.
It had all of these beautiful succulent plants out on the porch.
She had these white twinkly cafe lights that she would turn on every night.
And I would always comment on this house about, I just love this house.
It is my dream house.
And I would walk by and I would just feel so dreamy about it.
So Valentine's Day comes and my boyfriend comes to pick me up for dinner and he says I'm going to blindfold you.
And I want it to be a surprise where we're going for dinner.
So he puts a blindfold on me and he drives me around and we're driving like for so long.
We're making all these turns and I'm actually starting to get nervous.
Like, I don't understand why this needs to happen.
And then I feel the car come to a park.
He guides me out of the car, I'm still blindfolded.
Steps me up onto a walkway.
He takes my blindfold off and we are standing on the steps of this house that I love so much.
And on the front porch is an Italian meal.
He had gone to the owner of this house and explained how much I love their house.
And she was so flattered.
And he asked permission to have Valentine's Day dinner on her front porch.
The two of us were very broke college students and wanted to celebrate Valentine's Day.
And we found a very fancy, nice restaurant.
It was clearly something that was very far out of our budget.
But we had a lovely dinner and there were these two ladies, elderly women kind of a few tables down from us.
They ended up leaving and kind of like waved goodbye to us.
They were really sweet.
And when it came time for us to get the check, the server had said that our dinner was actually covered by those ladies.
They wanted to let us know that love is all around us.
And I still think about them.
And I think about that moment because I think sometimes we look at romance as a product of the actions between two people only.
But I think sometimes romance can be found so deeply in community as well.
And The small actions by the people around us.
And for us, that wasn't even a small action.
That was a really amazing and a really kind, wonderful gesture for, you know, a young couple trying to make Valentine's Day special.
And they really did.
When we come back, the king and queen of Valentine's.
The stories you all sent us, they were so lovely to listen to.
And you were so generous letting us into these tender, often very private moments from your lives.
So thank you again.
We did have one person write in though, to tell us about a couple who does their romantic gestures very publicly.
And I got to tell you about them.
For the past 30 years, Lonnie Anderson has been making these huge over-the-top valentines for his wife, Ann Bolger Witherspoon.
He goes, like, all in.
And he's kind of become famous for this.
Just about every year, his valentines make the local news, the paper.
People stop Ann and Lonnie on the street to talk about that.
One time he made giant cardboard flowers or the other time he put a carousel in their front yard.
People get really into it, and they've even gotten involved in helping Lonnie make these things.
So to close us out today, I figured we'd talk to them.
Because I want to know what it's like when your romance becomes everyone's romance.
And I just had to know what Lonnie had planned for this year.
Anne Bolger Witherspoon, Lonnie Anderson, welcome to Modern Love.
Hello.
Oh, hello.
Greetings from New Mexico.
Thank you.
I'm so excited to talk to you too.
Because of this, Lonnie, you have been called by many people the king of Valentine's Day.
Every year you do something for your wife, Anne.
It's become a tradition.
What is this tradition?
Well, I don't know if I would say I'm the king because I feel like that's...
Not what I am, but yeah, I love my wife very dearly.
And for 30 years I have tried to come up with, you know, a creative and wonderful Valentine for her working with the community.
Sometimes,
He's being a little modest around this whole King of Valentines, because there was, I don't know, maybe 10 years ago there was a
Some of the Valentine was this photo shoot that I was a queen and I was gifted a beautiful gown from the Santa Fe Opera for the day and crowned queen.
So I think for a while you were sort of running with the king of Valentine's.
Let's give people a sense of what we're talking about when we say Lonnie, you've been giving Valentine's for 30 years.
Give me some examples of stuff you've done over the years.
Lonnie's cheating.
He's pulling out a list.
No, you should have it.
You have to write it down.
30 years.
So we had the National Planetarium reprogram the dome so that it says, I love Anne in the stars.
I had all of her friends do a Valentine and I projected all the Valentine's downtown in Albuquerque on a giant building like a 20-story building.
Okay, my turn.
So along the same theme, one year Lonnie kind of put various I Love Anne signs on my drive home, like the commute home.
So some of them were an old school.
You kind of snap the letters into the signage that might be in front of a I don't know a bingo hall.
Like a discount store.
Oh, my God.
So anything that, like, all the signage you see around your neighborhood.
It said, I love Ann.
I just switched that one.
And it ended with a large I love Ann mural in the neighborhood.
I love that one.
I just put, I love Ann, I love Ann, I love Ann, I love Ann.
You've also turned the house into a restaurant.
A restaurant.
A local restauranteur came in and cooked in our kitchen, and our daughter was the maitre d' for that.
And we had the most famous chef in Albuquerque come and do it.
Another thing we did— You.
You did.
I say we, but we got in this big historic—
You know, theater, just me and Ann, and they had the big red curtains that are like 50 feet tall.
They take two people, they lift it up and they played one song for Ann and we were the only two people in the audience.
What was the song?
It was so beautiful.
Oh, hard questions.
Oh, my gosh.
Do you remember what song?
I know, I need to rap.
We both were just in shock.
I actually cried.
It was so beautiful.
It was just so beautiful.
So yeah, I had the symphony play for her.
I made a giant crop circle.
So I did a giant heart with her name.
So her name's like, I don't know, 50 feet wide.
But it was the size of this huge field.
It can only be seen from space.
I have to know, like, how did this start?
I want to go back to the very first time you did this.
And I want to know this actually from your point of view, Anne.
Tell me the story of the first Valentine Lonnie ever gave you.
So we had just started dating.
So we'd been dating less than a year for sure.
He was living in Portland.
We were doing long distance.
He was living in Portland, and I was living in Albuquerque.
So he had come in town, I guess, and I lived in this very small space.
It was barely a one-bedroom efficiency, and he sort of shooed me away for a few hours.
Then I came back, and he had converted the living room into a game board.
Wow.
So, if you can imagine the whole floor, he had placed a huge paper and drawn a game board, much like a candy land.
I just made like a poster board, a giant game board.
The fun part was rolling these.
I made these giant dice and we were throwing them around the apartment.
And you would roll the die and as you moved through the game board, the spacing, you'd land on it and there would be various questions or various activities like have a piece of chocolate, pour a glass of champagne.
Tell me something that I don't know about you.
Ooh.
But that's the point that was really like the crux of it, because we were in the beginnings of our courtship.
And so there was discovery to be had.
So tell me something I don't know about you.
Tell me something you're afraid of.
And I was thinking, what?
Who is this person?
You think about it, it's kind of like, wow, that's crazy information.
A little like a peacock, right?
You know, you're kind of like, oh, he's doing the feathers and the strut.
A little skepticism, perhaps, yeah.
Oh, absolutely.
Oh, absolutely.
I'm curious about what you said.
There's a little bit of like, huh, is this guy a show-off?
Tell me more about that, that sentiment.
Well, let me just say that he is a show-off.
And that's sort of what has... driven a lot of this.
And I think you either love that or you run away from it.
And I think 30 plus years in, I've sort of leaned into loving it.
But was that not your first inclination, I guess?
No.
I think the first inclination is like, oh, well, this is...
This is a little bit of a over the top.
And when is it going to putter out, right?
Like you kind of have that like, huh, is it going to happen the next year?
And it did.
And then the next year.
And so.
What became apparent in all of that is that it wasn't just to hook me or kind of it.
Really there is a passion behind it.
And it, of course, has evolved in many ways.
I mean going back to that first Valentine's, Lani.
What made you decide to do that for the first time?
You hadn't been dating for that long, right?
You didn't even live in the same town.
Like, why go that big, that hard, that soon?
Yeah.
I mean, it's simple.
It's love.
When you're in love, what do you do?
You show up, you call them a hundred times and they're like okay.
So your friends are like don't call her until Thursday.
And it's Monday and you're like, I called her yesterday.
And they're like, you know, like you do crazy stuff because you're so over the top.
When I met her, I just was in love.
I was like I never you know.
When someone once told me is like you can't make someone love you, but you can love them.
And that's what's so beautiful is like, I'm not in charge of how much, you know, Ann loves me.
But I am in charge of like, that I love her.
We'll be right back.
I wonder, like over the years, as you've gone bigger and bigger and bigger, I wonder if there was ever one where it just sort of felt like huh, this isn't quite emotionally hitting in the way that I intended.
Oh, every single one of them.
Oh, no.
No, that can't be true.
She's saying is there ever one?
That sort of like you spent time you kind of thought through and then it sort of was like oh, it kind of didn't have the ring to it.
You know, it's so crazy because you just, I guess as an artist, you just always think that's it.
Like it's every one of them.
Like I did this one where I made this, I spent like three weeks, maybe a month, writing out E Cummings' poem I Carry Your Heart.
And I did it with just rocks.
So each rock, a pebble then was creating a letter.
Yeah.
And my neighbors were like coming over at the fence and they were just looking at me and they were like what are you doing?
And at that point, yeah, like really I was thinking like, maybe Lonnie, you might be mentally ill.
Like this is not okay.
Like you're out here, you're out here like making this giant rock poem.
And then, you know, one of my daughters comes over and she picks up a bucket of rocks and she sits next to me and she puts the rocks for her mom.
And, you know, she's writing out the thing.
And then I was like, this is going to be awesome.
I mean Anne, you know you see this finished poem, but hearing that story behind it, I imagine that must feel really good.
Your husband, you know, one of your kids writing these poems for you.
It is really moving and powerful to see, because you know we're talking a lot about grandiose things.
But it's the smaller, more subtle moments that I do love about the process.
The willingness of others to jump in.
Strangers, but also loved ones.
So Lonnie recreated an 80s prom.
And the only instructions I was given was like, go find a vintage prom dress.
And...
And, oh, I found the best one with just a pink and something I would have never had worn myself.
And I walk into the gym and...
Yes, my daughters had been involved.
They decorated and there were balloons, but it was my sister who like took it to the next level.
She had her 80s DJ outfit on.
She is not, this is not her lane.
Like she is not the creative DJ kind.
DJ sister.
Yes.
And she had so much fun.
Wow.
Just being there.
80s records, music from the 80s.
Oh, it was wonderful.
And those are the moments, right?
Like the really just...
In order to have that big grandiose, there is a lot of generous moments from other people.
Yeah, these smaller moments.
And then just, yes, and just joy.
I wonder, like, this has been going on for 30 years.
Have these Valentines become essential to your relationship?
Like, if Lonnie wasn't doing this every year, would things be different?
We joke every year is the last year.
You know, there's a little in what we're doing right now.
He's like, well, if we made it this far, that's it.
Even this year, it was one of those crazy things where I was like, you know what?
It's just too stressful.
Our daughter's applying for college.
And so we don't have any time.
And we're just – we're all – again, we're struggling like everybody in America is struggling.
And so I was like I'm just going to –, we're going to do something private.
And we'll say hey, we just – we decided this year we're going to do something.
But this group of people, like – like really following us and stuff.
He's walking a fine line because it's a surprise.
It's this really amazing group.
Oh my gosh.
No, it's not.
It's not that.
It's not.
She doesn't know what it is and you can't tell.
But these people that are helping me, they're like, look, we're going to help you.
We're going to do this.
And I was like, What?
Say no more.
Say no more.
And that's it.
I won't say any more.
But they're the ones that are like, really, they're doing it.
And they're sending me photos to me.
It's like it just it makes me cry when I got it.
I got a text the other day and I was like, my God, the world is so.
You know, over the years, as these Valentines have gotten bigger and bigger, they've also gotten more and more public right.
Like they've moved from these, even though you know the first one.
The board game in your home was quite big.
It was still within the home, right?
It was for the two of you.
And as the years have gone by, these Valentines, I mean, they're out in the world.
Other people witness them.
Other people participate.
And I guess like I want to know about that transition from more intimate and private to more public.
And I guess for you, like that feels like a big adjustment, I guess.
Well, there definitely was an evolution of both, just like the giving of the Valentines and how it went from more personal in our living room getting to know you, and then including others and being built.
And so since we've been back in New Mexico, it really has evolved into a community.
People anticipate it.
People look forward to it.
I laughed a little because there was a moment I remember being at some high school reunion and somebody literally turned to me and was like Oh, you're that Anne, right?
Oh, yeah.
It was at her high school reunion.
And it was sort of like – so the I Love Anne can be a mythical person, because I think that's sort of some of what Lonnie has set up in sort of –.
Universal love and an invitation for others to think about their own places of love and sharing and expanding themselves and promoting love as something we get involved with.
But then this other part of like.
No, I'm a real person.
And I exist beyond the Valentine.
Yes.
Yeah.
Was that transition hard, you know, to move from this thing with just you and Lonnie to this thing out in the world.
Did you feel like you'd sort of, I don't know, lost something that was just for the two of you?
Yes and no.
So I think, yes, it is hard.
I'm probably a much more private person definitely than him.
And so there's something about, like, do we really have to share it, right?
You know, I resist that a little bit.
And then there came a point where I really – sort of said, this isn't about Anne anymore.
This isn't about Valentine's.
Clearly, we love each other and we're making a go at it, you know, 30 plus years in.
But I also know that this is A gift I can give back to Lonnie and that it's larger than myself now.
And I am okay with that.
I'm okay with the idea that it has moved from the more quiet, intimate space.
It was never small but quiet and intimate moments of Valentine's towards larger and more inclusive and grander.
I think that's really beautiful.
I mean my final question.
You know, obviously I'm dying to know what the heck this year's Valentine's Day is.
I know that we cannot spoil it for Anne.
So what?
I will just say.
I say this with all of the respect in the world can you leave the room for like one second?
Yes.
Thanks, Anne.
Okay, Lonnie, what are you doing this year?
So this year, like I said, I'm working with a really good friend of mine Michael, and he works for a nonprofit.
So this is an art studio, and he works with lots of folks with disabilities from the neighborhood.
And instead of giving her a box of candy...
We are going to give her an entire candy store.
There's this historic over 100-year-old candy store.
It's so beautiful.
And basically what we're going to do is they made this giant sign for the front of this candy store.
It's made out of jelly beans, like thousands.
I mean, it's like literally thousands of jelly beans.
And then it says Anne.
It's the traditional Anne.
It's hanging in the front window.
And then...
The candy stores agreed to like make custom candies for her.
They make their own candy.
So they're making their own custom candy box.
And then all of these people that helped with the jelly beans.
They all put the person that they love, their name, on a little heart and they made Valentine's.
And so the window, the front window of this candy store is filled up with all of these people.
And so I think like it to me is this beautiful.
We have this whole community here.
And they're going to give her an entire candy store.
Wow, Lonnie.
I mean, let's get Ann back in here.
Call her back in.
Wow.
Ann, you can come back in.
Yelling, here she comes.
Ann, I just heard what's happening this year.
Of course, I'm not going to say anything.
Can you guess what this year's Valentine's Day is?
Be honest, too.
Be honest because she sees stuff once in a while.
I always think like, you know, because somebody will email something and she'll be like, oh, God.
No, because I like the surprise.
Surprise is really genuinely hard to fake.
Yes, that's true.
She does like the surprise.
And I would say like 90% of the times it's a surprise.
You pulled it off.
Yeah, and because that's also part of the giving back, not just for Lonnie but anyone involved in the project.
Like really being surprised and in the moment is something I value and I want to give those folks and Lonnie included in that, like my all and my presence of being in the moment with them.
So I try really hard.
There have been times where I know more than I should, and I kind of –
But this is not one of those times.
No, not at all.
Anne Bolger Witherspoon, Lonnie Anderson, thank you so much for this conversation.
Oh, Anna, it's been a pleasure.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you so much.
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.
The Modern Love team is Amy Pearl, Davis Land, Elisa Gutierrez, Emily Lang, Jen Poyant, Lynn Levy, Reva Goldberg and Sarah Curtis.
This episode was produced by Davis Land with help from Elisa Gutierrez.
It was edited by Lynn Levy and Jen Poyant.
Our mix engineer was Daniel Ramirez.
Original music in this episode by Marion Lozano, Carol Saburo, Diane Wong, Rowan Nemisto, Pat McCusker, and Dan Powell.
Dan also composed our theme music.
The Modern Love column is edited by Daniel Jones.
Mia Lee is the editor of Modern Love Projects.
If you'd like to submit an essay or a tiny love story to the New York Times, we've got those instructions in our show notes.
I'm Anna Martin.
Thanks for listening.
