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Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio.
Good morning.
This is Laura.
Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is to look for context friends.
When people say they want more friends, what they often mean is that they want someone to do X, Y or Z with.
So figure out what X, Y, or Z is for you, and you will have a far more productive search.
Today's tip comes courtesy of Anna Goldfarb, who is the author of the new book, Modern Friendship.
I recently interviewed her for my Best of Both Worlds podcast.
I asked her for advice for people who are feeling lonely and felt that they needed more friends.
Goldfarb told me that this was the wrong way to frame the question.
When people are feeling lonely, what they often mean is that they want someone who can do X, that is, fill some specific need.
Maybe you want someone you can go see movies with, or you want someone to run or walk with.
Maybe you want someone who likes to go to brunch on Saturdays.
Or if you've got little kids and you want someone who's always down for an afternoon playground trip or who will text silly memes with you at night while you're sitting with your toddler trying to get the kid to go to bed.
Well, you need to look for that.
All of these suggest different approaches for looking.
For instance, if you are looking for a friend who likes leisurely Saturday brunches.
Even if you personally have kids, but your spouse and relatives love taking them all day Saturday, it might be hard to find other folks with little kids in that situation.
So you might be best off getting close with a colleague who doesn't have such responsibilities but seems to like trying new restaurants.
Or maybe it's a person you meet at the dog park who mentions her love of Bloody Marys.
See if she would like to join you some weekend to have one.
If you want a friend who will run with you, then you are best off joining some group runs maybe some sponsored by your local running store or a nearby gym, and seeing who you might be compatible with.
If you are looking for other parents who would be up for afternoon playground trips, then you can see who seems cool at the library 10 am story hour, because that person probably is also available during the day.
I think this is a wise approach because it turns the problem of finding friends into a more practical exercise.
People who do X or Y tend to show themselves or congregate in certain places.
So when you figure out what X or Y is for you, you can go look in those places.
Now obviously, what a lot of us truly want is someone who will love us unconditionally and will help us feel seen on a soul-affirming level.
But most of us only get a handful of those people in our lifetimes.
The good news is that if you find a few running buddies you really hit it off with, over the course of a few years of weekly runs, someone can become that soul affirming friend.
But if you start off hunting for the soul-affirming friend, the search process might feel a little more fraught and probably not all that fruitful.
Best to look for context-specific friends and then let things proceed from there.
In the meantime, this is Laura.
Thanks for listening.
And here's to making the most of our time.
Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast.
If you've got questions, ideas or feedback, you can reach me at laura at lauravandercam.com.
Before Breakfast is a production of iHeart Media.
For more podcasts from iHeart Media, please visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
There was no anything inside those eyes.
They turned black.
It scared the hell out of me.
Evil, wake up.
I'm the one that saw the murder take place by Krivak and DePippo.
Anthony DePippo showed no signs of remorse, appearing unfazed after being sentenced to the maximum.
I said I'm not guilty.
I'll take it to the grave.
Listen to The Devil's Quarry and the Bone Valley Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
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This is an iHeart Podcast.
Guaranteed human.
