The REAL Reason You Feel Behind (It’s Not What You Think!) Use THIS Simple Reset to Make Confident Decisions｜On Purpose with Jay Shetty

This is an iHeart Podcast, guaranteed human.

What if mind control is real?

If you could control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have?

Can you hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car?

Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you?

Can you get someone to join your cult?

Mind Games, a new podcast exploring NLP, aka Neuro Linguistic Programming.

Is it a self-help miracle, a shady hypnosis scam, or both?

Listen to Mind Games on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

A new year doesn't ask us to become someone new.

It invites us back home to ourselves.

I'm Mike Della Rocha, host of Sacred Lessons, a space for men to pause, reflect, and heal.

This year we're talking honestly about mental health relationships and the patterns we're ready to release.

If you're looking for clarity, connection and healthier ways to show up in your life, Sacred Lessons is here for you.

Listen to Sacred Lessons with Mike Delaroche on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Ben Higgins.

I always felt stuck, behind, and late until I did this.

If you're starting this year already feeling behind, you are not alone.

And more importantly, you are not behind.

Let me tell you a fact most people don't know.

Studies show that nearly 7 out of 10 adults feel behind on their life timeline.

Behind in love, behind in their career, behind financially, behind where they should be by now.

And here's the twist.

Everyone is comparing themselves to everyone else.

And everyone thinks they're losing.

People fascinate me.

The married people envy the single people.

The single people envy the married people.

People with careers envy people who are entrepreneurs.

People who are entrepreneurs envy the people with stability.

No one feels ahead, everyone feels behind.

How many of you listening right now feel like you're behind in one of these areas?

You're starting the year and you're already thinking, look at that person.

They got promoted last year.

Look at that person.

They're making a difference.

Look at that person.

They've got their job.

Look at that person.

They've got a few more followers than me.

Today, I want to show you.

Number one, why you feel behind psychologically and culturally.

Number two, why your timeline is not late, statistically and scientifically.

And number three, how to stop letting comparison ruin your year.

I also want to give you the steps to rebuild confidence, momentum and purpose, all in this episode.

This episode might be one of the most important ones you hear all year.

Let's begin.

Let's talk about the truth about why you feel behind.

There are three main reasons we feel behind, and none of them are your fault.

Reason number one, we compare our insides to other people's outsides.

There's something called the highlight bias.

You see people's weddings promotions vacations homes milestones, but you never see their breakdowns, their failures, their doubts, their setbacks or their insecurities.

Statistically, people overestimate how happy others are and underestimate how happy they are.

You're comparing your confusion to someone else's filter.

No wonder you feel behind.

Stop comparing yourself to others.

You don't know the battles they hide or the bridges they had to burn to get there.

Stop comparing yourself to others.

Your timeline is custom made.

Theirs was never designed to fit you.

Stop comparing yourself to others.

Success looks different on everyone and so does the struggle.

Stop comparing yourself to others.

Your progress is happening quietly, internally, in ways no photo or post can capture.

And stop comparing yourself to others.

You're not here to match anyone.

You're here to become the person only you can be.

So the reason we compare ourselves is because we don't know enough context.

If you only see someone's post and assume you know them, you know nothing.

If you only see someone's tweet and assume you know them, you know nothing.

If you only see someone's status update and think you know them, you know nothing.

When you envy someone, you have to learn to study them.

When you study someone, you get context.

And when you get context, you realize you're more likely in the same place or even better off.

Robin Roberts famously said if everyone throw their problems into a pile, they'd immediately grab theirs back.

We compare the worst of our lives to the best of everyone else's.

Of course you feel behind.

When if you were actually able to get to know people deeply.

This is one of the reasons why having a shallow understanding of lots of people is so harmful.

Because when you have a shallow understanding of everyone, you think everyone's doing better.

When you have a deeper understanding of everyone, you recognize you're all kind of going through the same thing.

Reason number two you were sold a timeline that doesn't exist graduate by 22, career by 25, married by 30, kids by 35, successful by 37, fulfilled by 40.

This timeline was invented in the 1950s and hasn't been real for decades.

Today, the average age of marriage is the highest it's been in history.

Most people change careers three to seven times.

People find their purpose in their 30s, 50s, even 60s.

The average age of a successful entrepreneur is not 21, it's 45.

You are not late.

The timeline you're comparing yourself to is outdated.

You're not late.

You might be moving slower because you've had more to carry, not because you're doing something wrong.

You're not late.

Half the people you think are ahead of you just feel as confused inside.

You're not late.

You're taking a real path, not the imaginary one you thought you'd be on at 18.

You're not late.

You're building your life while figuring yourself out, and that takes time for everyone.

See, this idea that there was a perfect time to have kids, a perfect time to get married, a perfect time to win at life, isn't real.

Everyone's timeline is absolutely different.

And when we try to live our life based on what the people around us are doing, think about how life would go for a second.

If you did everything at the time everyone around you did it, how would that feel?

That means you'd have to rush getting married to someone you don't love because you hadn't found them yet.

You had to rush having children because everyone else was having them and you felt behind.

If you do things that you don't want to do just because you feel behind, you will never be happy in your life.

Because decisions should be made when you're happy, when you're ready, when you're peaceful, when you're content, when you're excited.

Not when you're scared or anxious or nervous.

Reason number three is our brain is wired for falling behind anxiety.

Neuroscientists found that humans experience something called temporal comparison stress.

We don't just compare ourselves to other people.

We compare ourselves to the person we thought we'd be by now.

Think about that for a second.

You don't just feel behind because of other people.

You feel behind because of the pressure you put on yourself.

We feel behind not because life is wrong, but because our expectations were unrealistic.

We feel behind because we thought we'd be in this position by now.

Everything else is just a reminder of our inadequacy.

But remember, when you made that timeline, you didn't really know that much.

How many of us at 18 thought we knew when we were getting married?

How many of us at 25 thought we knew when we'd have kids?

How many of us at 15 thought we knew when we'd be successful?

But what was that based on?

It wasn't based on reality.

It was just an imaginary, made-up version of what we thought life was going to be like.

Here's the truth.

No one predicts their life accurately.

Not one single person.

Your plan wasn't wrong.

It just didn't account for the fact that you're human, right?

Your plan wasn't weak.

It's just that you didn't realize there was so much more to life.

Your plan wasn't slow or unorganized.

It was just you learned so much more about yourself moving forward.

Maybe you knew exactly what you wanted to be at 18.

But then, when you actually became it and you did that job, you realized there was nothing like what you wanted.

There's nothing wrong with that.

You didn't make a mistake.

You didn't go off track.

You actually just discovered what that passion felt like in reality.

I grew up in my teens thinking I may want to be a graphic designer. or an art director, I loved it.

I never actually did that for work, I used it a lot as a hobby.

I never actually did it for work, but I think if I would have, I would have figured out quite quickly that that wasn't me.

I ended up becoming a consultant.

That was definitely not me.

But if I sit there and I go wow, and I was there.

At this point I was 26 years old, I was a consultant, it wasn't what I wanted to do, and if I thought to myself, I messed up, I'm behind.

What can I do now?

I'll never be here today.

I'm here with you today because at 28, I decided to move in the direction of what I cared about.

And you can too.

You do when the headlines don't explain what's happening inside of you.

I'm ben higgins and, if you can hear me, is where culture meets the soul, a place for real conversation.

Each episode, i sit down with people from all walks of life celebrities, thinkers and everyday folks and we go deeper than the polished story.

We talk about what drives us, what shapes us and what gives us hope.

We get honest about the big stuff identity when you don't recognize yourself anymore.

Loss that changes you.

Purpose when success isn't enough.

Peace when your mind won't slow down.

Faith when it's complicated.

Some guests have answers.

Most are still figuring it out.

If you've ever felt like there has to be more to the story, this show is for you.

Listen to, If You Can Hear Me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

What is one thing about love you've had to unlearn that it's earned?

That it needs to be forever for it to count.

February is the month of love.

Whether you're in a relationship, casually dating or proudly single, it's a great time to reflect on yourself and what you want.

I'm Hope Woodard, host of the VoiceOver podcast, and each week this month we're looking at love from every angle.

I don't know how to tell my partner what I want in bed.

The thing about romantic fiction I would say, more than any other genre of culture, is that it's always put women first.

My marriage stopped making sense.

The connection started to feel off.

The behavior started to feel different.

This February, get in touch with yourself by listening to Boy Sober.

That's B-O-Y-S-O-B-E-R.

I'm like, I would love to not hate the man I'm sleeping with.

I don't know what that's about.

Listen to Boy Sober on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Black history lives in our stories, our culture, and the conversations we still have in today.

This Black History Month.

The podcast I didn't know, maybe you didn't either digs into the moments, perspectives and experiences that don't always make the textbook.

Let me tell you about Garrett Morgan.

Bruh had to pretend he didn't even exist just to sell his own invention.

Listen to I Didn't Know, maybe you didn't either, from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or simply wherever you get your podcasts.

I didn't Let me give you some real evidence.

Most people arrive later than you think.

Research shows that the average person finds career clarity in their mid-30s.

The average person hits financial stability in their late 30s to mid-40s.

Creative breakthroughs often happen around age 40 to 50.

Emotional maturity peaks around 45 to 55.

If anything, you might be ahead of the schedule, but you're definitely not behind.

The evidence shows that just because we hear a couple of stories of a 21-year-old billionaire and a 30-year-old who's really mature and a 35-year-old who saved the planet, we start measuring ourselves against these.

1 or even less than not recognizing the majority of people are in exactly the same space we are.

Here's some more evidence.

Life satisfaction has a U-shape.

Studies across 130 countries show a consistent pattern.

Life satisfaction dips in your 20s and 30s, then rises in your 40s, 50s and 60s, meaning feeling lost now isn't a flaw.

It's universal.

It's part of the human curve.

And the reason why I say that is because your 20s and 30s are also when you put so much pressure on yourself.

You care more about what people think.

You think you should be somewhere else.

You care more about what other people are doing.

As you start to lose that as you get older, it just has less of a hold and control over you.

But if we were able to step back and go.

I want to put positive pressure on myself, but not break myself.

It's almost like being in the gym and lifting weights.

You want to lift enough to challenge yourself and push yourself, but not to hurt yourself.

Sometimes the pressure we put on our mind is hurting us, not helping us.

And here's even some more evidence.

Late bloomers are more common than the early ones.

Oprah got her show at 32.

Vera Wang became a designer at 40.

Toni Morrison published her first book at 39.

Ray Kroc franchised McDonald's at 52.

Success is not early.

Success is aligned.

You're not behind, you're unfolding.

If all of those people just felt they were behind the whole time, they wouldn't have been present enough to capture the opportunity at that time.

Your goal is not to think about whether you're ahead or behind.

And here's the scary thing.

Here's actually the biggest mistake we make.

If you believe you're ahead, it means you'll fall behind one day.

And if you feel you're behind, you'll always want to be ahead, but then scared that someone else will get ahead.

It's a slippery slope to think that everything is a ranking system.

It is a slippery slope to live that way, to think that you're ahead or behind, because then you'll feel worse when you're behind.

You'll feel insecure when you're at the top.

If people feel that life is a race, you'll feel insecure and anxious at the top and you'll feel depressed and disappointed at the bottom.

When you realize that life is not a race, it is simply your path.

You don't feel the insecurity of being number one and you don't feel the depression of being last.

You recognize you are where you're meant to be, doing what you're supposed to do.

Because we have to recognize that feeling behind can be dangerous.

When you believe you're behind, you do three things.

Number one, you rush decisions you should take slowly.

Wrong jobs, wrong relationships, wrong priorities.

Number two, you quit things too early.

You assume slow progress means wrong direction.

Number three, you stop enjoying the life you actually have.

You live inside imaginary pressure instead of real possibility.

Feeling behind doesn't speed you up.

It steals your peace and sabotages your progress.

So what do we do?

How do you stop feeling behind?

Here are the practical frameworks that actually work.

Framework number one, compare less, connect more.

Don't ask where are they compared to me.

Ask where am I compared to yesterday?

Your only real competition is the person you were 24 hours ago.

This is one of the best mindsets I could possibly give you.

Only measure yourself based on how you're growing compared to where you want to be and who you are.

Stop living your life thinking about where everyone else is or what you thought you'd be at 15 and now you're 30 years old.

Have you grown since yesterday?

Have you grown since last week?

Are you taking the steps to do that?

That's where your focus should be.

Framework number two, rewrite your timeline.

Take a piece of paper and write, my life is not late, it's layered.

And now ask yourself, what did I survive?

What did I learn?

What did I build internally that no one can see?

When I lived as a monk for three years, it wasn't available to everyone else.

Everyone thought I was behind.

Everyone thought I was lost.

Everyone around me moved forward, but I was making real internal progress that no one else could see.

That was progress.

It was invisible, but real.

And most of your growth happens before anyone sees the results.

So just because everyone can't see what you're doing, it doesn't mean that it's not valuable.

And not everything that is valuable can be seen.

And not everything that is seen is valuable.

Just because you can see what someone's doing and the success they're having, that doesn't mean they're ahead, because you could be growing underground.

And you're about to grow.

I met so many people when I first started creating content who were far ahead of me in followers, far ahead.

And they didn't take me seriously because they didn't think that I would take it seriously.

I wanted to collaborate with them.

I wanted to work with them, but they didn't want to do that with me because I wasn't big enough.

Not realizing that if we think we're bigger or better or ahead or behind, we'll never grow.

Framework number three, identify your season.

You're not behind, you're in a season.

Are you in a season of healing?

Are you in a season of rebuilding, learning, transitioning, resting, experimenting?

You can't compare your season one to someone else's season seven.

Also, all of these cycles have a different pace.

Healing has a different pace to transitioning.

Transitioning has a different pace to performing.

Performing has a different pace to growing, learning, building.

Which season are you in?

Get really clear about what 2026 is about for you.

Is 2026 about healing?

Because then that's going to look very different to someone who's building.

I've had years when we have been planting seeds and I won't see the success of that in this year.

I'll only see it in the year after.

Is my year a failure because I didn't see it?

Definitely not.

Framework number four, define progress as consistency, not speed.

If you take one step every day this year, you'll be 365 steps ahead by next January.

That's transformation, quiet and consistence.

Progress is a direction, not a deadline.

So let's talk about speed.

Let's say for one month, you're at a speed 10 out of 10.

But for the rest of the year, you're at a zero out of 10.

Guess what?

You were at five out of 10 for the whole year.

But if you were just a consistent six or seven, you're already beating the speed of one month at 10 out of 10.

Consistency beats speed if you'll eventually run out of speed.

If you run out of speed and run out of steam, consistency is always going to win.

Framework number five, ask the question that changes everything.

Instead of asking, why am I behind?

Ask, what is this season preparing me for?

The answer will change the way you see your timeline.

You have to reframe it.

You have to look at it from a different angle.

There have been so many years where everyone else could think I haven't achieved anything and I'm not moving forward, but we're planting the seeds for next year.

There are times in my life where I thought I was falling behind, but now I realize I was actually falling into place.

I want to share with you the five practical steps to take this year.

Number one, make a this is my season statement.

Define where you are and own it.

Don't worry about anyone else's season.

What season are you in?

Number two, remove three social media accounts that trigger comparison.

Protect your mind.

If you keep comparing yourself to everyone, you will always feel behind.

It is not your fault.

It's how we're wired.

Number three, set one goal for 90 days, not the year.

Shorter cycles equals more wins, more progress.

Number four, track actions, not outcomes.

We often think the outcome decides whether we did something right.

Let me give you an example.

Let's say you work really hard on something and the result goes badly.

Were you wrong?

Because let's say you didn't work hard at all and the result went well, were you right?

We have to focus on our action, not just the outcome.

Because if you did everything right and you continue to do that, you will get the right outcome.

But if you rely on chance or hope or luck, you can't make that impactful.

Outcomes belong to time.

Actions belong to you.

And this one, celebrate invisible progress.

I was giving a talk at my company's holiday party recently, and I shared this with them.

I shared that I recognize all the things that they do, that I see but, more importantly, I wanna honor all the things that I don't see.

I believe there is so much invisible work that you do that, I do, that we all do that is never seen, and it's your job to try and celebrate it for yourself.

Your internal transformation will always come before external results.

Always.

Let me leave you with this.

You are not behind.

You're learning lessons now that others will have to learn later.

You're not behind.

You're doing your best in a life that hasn't always been easy.

You're not behind.

Everyone's figuring things out privately. while pretending they're ahead.

You're not behind.

You're just on a timeline no one has ever lived before.

Stop punishing yourself for not being where you thought you'd be.

Start appreciating yourself for not giving up.

Because one year from now, you won't be behind.

You'll just be grateful that you got started.

Your path is not delayed, it's deliberate, and this is your year to walk it with confidence.

I'm wishing you all the best for the year ahead.

Remember, I'm forever in your corner and always rooting for you.

If you love this podcast, you'll love my episode with Lewis Hamilton.

Lewis and I talk about why you should stop chasing society's definition of success and how to be more intentional with your goals.

You don't want to miss it.

It's not about being perfect.

It's about just every day, one step at a time, trying to be better, trying to do more.

I'm learning a lot about myself.

I have to break myself down in order to be able to be better.

When you feel uncomfortable, what do you put on biggie?

You put on biggie when you feel uncomfortable because i want to get confident.

This is dj hester prins.

Music is therapy.

A new podcast from me, a dj and licensed therapist.

12 months, 12 areas of your life money love career, confidence.

This isn't just a podcast, it's unconventional therapy for your entire year.

Listen to DJ Hester Prynne's Music is Therapy on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

A new year doesn't ask us to become someone new.

It invites us back home to ourselves.

I'm Mike Della Rocha, host of Sacred Lessons, a space for men to pause, reflect, and heal.

This year we're talking honestly about mental health relationships and the patterns we're ready to release.

If you're looking for clarity, connection and healthier ways to show up in your life, Sacred Lessons is here for you.

Listen to Sacred Lessons with Mike Delaroche on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

What is something you've had to unlearn about love?

That it's earned.

That I was unworthy of love.

That it needs to be forever for it to count.

February is the month of love.

Whether you're in a relationship, casually dating or proudly single, it's a great time to reflect on yourself and what you want.

I'm Hope Woodard, host of the VoiceOver podcast, and each week we're looking at love from every angle.

Listen to Boy Sober.

That's B-O-Y-S-O-B-E-R on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

This is an iHeart Podcast.

Guaranteed human.

[你並沒有落後：如何擺脫比較心態，重拾人生掌控權]-[The REAL Reason You Feel Behind (It’s Not What You Think!) Use THIS Simple Reset to Make Confident Decisions]

📋 Summary

你並沒有落後：如何擺脫比較心態，重拾人生掌控權

為什麼我們總覺得自己「落後」了？

生命不是一場競賽，而是你的獨特路徑

實踐框架：重塑你的生活節奏

結語：你正在展開，而非落後

🎯Key Sentences

📝Key Phrases

📖 Transcript

[你並沒有落後：如何擺脫比較心態，重拾人生掌控權]-[The REAL Reason You Feel Behind (It’s Not What You Think!) Use THIS Simple Reset to Make Confident Decisions]

📋 Summary

你並沒有落後：如何擺脫比較心態，重拾人生掌控權

為什麼我們總覺得自己「落後」了？

生命不是一場競賽，而是你的獨特路徑

實踐框架：重塑你的生活節奏

結語：你正在展開，而非落後

用 ListenLeap 深度學習

🎯Key Sentences

📝Key Phrases

📖 Transcript

ListenLeap 带你學習真實語境