Let me set the scene for you.
It was 9 a.m. this morning.
I had already had my coffee, gone to the bathroom, written in my journal.
I actually wrote in my journal on the toilet.
This is something I've been doing lately.
It's very efficient and there's something sort of beautiful about it.
You know something sort of beautiful about writing down your feelings while releasing physical negative energy from the day before on the toilet.
You know, there's something spiritual about that.
So I did that.
I actually wrote two pages.
I had a lot to say.
When I don't have a lot to say, I do one page.
And it's kind of a struggle to fill one page sometimes because they just don't have that much to say.
Today, clearly, I had something to say.
And 9 a.m. hits and it's time for my morning walk.
This is something I've been doing almost daily for the last month.
I've been a walker for years.
I love a walk.
But I've been really consistent for the last month with a morning walk.
And I do the same walk every time I walk in my neighborhood for the most part.
Actually, I have two routes one that's shorter if I'm not in the mood to go long, and one longer one.
And today I was in the mood for the long one.
So my walk starts out as normal.
I tend to see the same people every single day walking their dog, maybe driving off to work.
Everything was happening as expected.
I really enjoyed my walk.
I actually talked to my dad a little bit on the phone.
Very therapeutic, as it always is.
And I'm coming around the bend towards the end of my walk.
I'm almost back at my house.
And a car starts backing out of its driveway.
So naturally, I stop because the person driving the car can't see me.
And I'm waiting for them to pull out and leave and then I'll continue walking on.
Nothing out of the ordinary.
I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by Volkswagen.
Don't get me wrong.
Sometimes I love to be a passenger.
Growing up, I loved sitting passenger seat in my dad's old Volkswagen.
Wind in my hair, listening to music.
There was something magical and carefree about it.
But once I got my driver's license, I've loved being in the driver's seat ever since.
Not just in the car, but in my life as well.
This is from me, from Volkswagen, and all the other drivers out there.
Do it.
Grab the wheel.
Get in the driver's seat of life.
Visit VW.com to learn more.
Now back to the episode.
The person driving the car backs up, looks over at me.
It's a woman, perhaps an older woman, maybe 70 years old, wearing incredibly chic glasses.
I was like, whoa, those are cute glasses.
They were like...
Brown tortoiseshell with yellow lenses.
Chic.
She looked amazing.
She had like gorgeously blown out hair.
It looks like she just got her hair done.
She looked wonderful.
I was like, wherever this woman is going, I know she's going to slay there.
This was what I was thinking.
And I have my AirPods in and she rolls down her window and she was like, can I help you?
And I was like, wait, what?
And I took my AirPod out.
I was like, wait, what?
I was like, that can't be right.
Dude, Is she attacking me?
I was like, wait, hold on.
She was like, can I help you?
And I was like, no, I'm good.
I'm just waiting for you to pull out so I can keep going on my walk.
She was like, what are you doing here?
I was like, what do you mean?
What do you mean?
What am I doing here?
I'm on a walk.
I was like, I'm on my morning walk.
She was like, no, I don't believe you.
I think you're doing something suspicious.
I was like, what?
Excuse me, I'm on my walk.
I was like, I'm not doing anything suspicious.
I live up the street.
I'm your neighbor.
She was like, no, I don't think so.
This is not a joke, you guys.
This is not a joke.
This is one of the craziest things that's ever happened to me.
She was like, no, I don't think so.
I don't think you live in this neighborhood.
There's a lot of suspicious people around here.
There's a lot of robberies going on in this neighborhood.
And I think you're up to something weird.
And I was like, no, I'm not.
I am your neighbor.
I live right up the street.
She's like, I've never seen you around here.
I was like, I don't know what to tell you.
This is my neighborhood.
What are you talking about?
I live up the street.
At first, I was like, you know, my tone was pretty relaxed.
Because I just, I hadn't really processed what was going on.
I couldn't really comprehend the fact that she was like attacking me verbally obviously um so not really a verbal attack, let's be clear obviously uh, and then eventually she, just she started kind of grumbling and then just pulled out of her driveway and drove away and i walked home and let me tell you, i was so pissed.
I was so pissed.
This was rude and it was weird.
It was especially upsetting because I thought she was so chic.
I was like, wow, like what a chic woman.
Like I had such nice thoughts about her in my head.
And then she went ahead and just ripped me a new one for no reason and was trying to accuse me of robbing her home.
I like what?
It was so bizarre.
It was so rude.
And it got me thinking about all the weird things that have occurred over the years on this particular walk that I go on in my neighborhood.
Because this is not the first time that something very bizarre has happened on one of my walks.
For example, the next story, it's a short one, but it's a weird one.
One day I'm on my walk as normal and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, on a completely empty section of this walk, not a soul, not a car in sight quiet, the quietest a street has ever been.
All of a sudden out of nowhere, a man, I don't know where he came from.
I don't know how this is possible.
Walks out of a bush and scares the shit out of me.
I don't know what he was doing in there.
I don't know how he got in there.
I don't know.
I can't tell you Now, the thing is about my neighborhood, it's not city vibes.
Do you know what I mean?
Like in a city like in New York or something.
If somebody's in a bush and then like comes out of a bush, it's like totally.
We're in New York City.
Crazy shit happens here.
People are just in a bush.
God knows why.
You know, it doesn't even matter.
It's just normal.
But in my neighborhood, it's so quiet.
It's so like residential, so chill.
It was very bizarre to be on a completely empty street and then a man just walk out of the bush.
But the weirdest thing about it was that it wasn't like he even acknowledged my presence.
He literally just walked out of the bush, as though it was like he just, Like you know, in Harry Potter, when
Harry like to get to Hogwarts.
He goes to the train station or whatever, and then he walks through a brick wall or like a brick.
He basically walks through a brick wall and that's how he goes to Hogwarts and only he can access that and other wizards can access that because they're wizards, so they can like, somehow pass through the brick wall.
No one else can.
It felt like he just arrived from like another place and just walked out of the bush and he said not a word and he strolled out of it.
I cannot explain how that happened or why that happened or what he was doing in the book.
What was he doing?
What was he doing?
It was odd.
I know what you're thinking.
Emma, use common sense.
You can probably figure out what he was doing.
Maybe he was hanging out in there.
The vibe was, though, he was wearing...
I feel like, I can't remember what he was wearing, but he was wearing like very normal clothes.
Like I think he was wearing like jeans and a tee.
You know what I mean?
It's like, what are you doing in the bush, dude?
What are you doing?
I don't, it's so bizarre and unexplainable.
It felt like a fever dream.
Speaking of a fever dream on my walk, there's something very mysterious going on at the house on the top of the hill of my walk.
Okay.
My walk, I go all the way up to the top of a hill.
It's excruciating.
It hurts.
It's uncomfortable.
I'm out of breath.
I always sweat.
It's very, it's exhausting, but it's good for the glutes.
And I haven't noticed a difference in the glutes.
But also, I don't turn around and look at my own butt in the mirror very much.
So there's a chance that it's making the thing round.
I just don't know.
I'll have to ask around, see if anyone's noticed.
I don't think so.
I think somebody would have brought it up.
Like probably my stylist, Jared, would have been like, wow, Emma, the glutes.
He hasn't said a thing.
Not a word, not a peep out of Jared.
He has not noticed.
Clothes are fitting the same.
The butt is not poking out.
It's okay.
But anyway, there's a house at the very top of the hill.
It's like, once I reach the top, time to turn around and go back down.
And there's this house.
And it's always been intriguing to me.
Let me paint the picture for you, okay?
It's sort of a massive property and you can see a lot of it.
It is behind a gate, but you can see a lot of it.
There's a tennis court.
I think there's a pool.
It sort of looks like if you were to walk inside it would be like a Disneyland ride, like a theme park ride.
Like it kind of has this it's like the paint is pastel.
There's something a little whimsical about it.
It's very retro looking.
And it is ultimately decrepit, like it's falling apart a little bit.
Not like to the point where it's like you know, the walls are coming off and you can see inside the house.
Not to that extent, but like, you know, the paint's chipping.
Everything about it is old and kind of falling apart.
There's spider webs everywhere.
And I have never seen an ounce of movement happening in or around this house.
I've never seen a person come in or out.
It seems like it's abandoned.
However, it's not for sale.
It just seems sort of abandoned.
I've walked by this house probably 200 times and I never once have seen a soul near it.
And in addition to that, like I've never seen anything move.
Okay like, for example, by the tennis court.
There's like a bunch of bottles of like some sort of I don't know cleaning solution or like gasoline or like something.
There's like some sort of you know household item like that in bottles by the tennis court area.
They have not moved an inch.
Now it is kind of weird that there's this abandoned house.
It's not really that weird.
It's more just like mysterious to me.
Like it piques my interest.
What's the story here?
Does someone live here and they just happen to never come out when I walk by?
Did someone live here and they passed away and the house is still in the family and they're not getting rid of the house.
I can't help but be curious about what's going on here.
But the weirdest thing about it is that in front of the house there is I kid you, not parked on the street eight old cars okay.
There's like a Chrysler, an old Porsche, an old Land Rover.
There's probably eight cars, all old, all from around the same era.
I don't know, maybe 80s, 90s.
I don't know my cars.
It's none of my business.
I don't care about cars.
You couldn't pay me to care about cars.
There's a bunch of cars out front, various colors, various models, various makes, and all of them are filled with random junk.
Like, full, okay?
Like, the passenger seat is full, the back seat is full, the trunk is full with random shit, okay?
The most random shit you've ever seen.
Like...
There's like a box with a bunch of books, and then there's a straw hat, and then there's a bag of McDonald's, and then there's a case of like soda, and then there's a bunch of folded clothes and then there's and I'm like listen, I've seen these cars parked pretty much in the same place every single day with, I'm pretty sure, if I remember correctly, the same collection of random items for like years.
And I'm like, what is the story here?
Now it's interesting because it's like I don't know the first, probably 50 times I walked by this house and walked by these cars.
I was like huh.
And then I just kept walking.
You know what I mean?
But day after day after day, eventually you start to get curious.
And it's sort of become like an obsession, not an obsession for me.
I'm not obsessed with it, but it's become this thing where every day I like I look and see if anything has moved.
And even one day I got so curious.
I was like, are these cars, is all of this abandoned?
Like, so I checked the plates.
I checked every single plate to see the license plate to see if it had the updated sticker on it.
And it does.
So someone updated the stickers on the license plate.
Who's replacing the sticker?
But then like, why is there like the same trash in there that I just I can't.
I want to know.
I want to know.
I want to knock on the door.
I want to knock on the door.
I want to know what's happening.
I want to know the story.
I don't know why this is happening. so intriguing to me.
It's none of my business, but I'm so curious.
And every day, I cannot help but look and try to investigate.
And I'll tell you, I know nothing.
I kind of want to ask around the neighborhood and be like, what is going on at that house?
Does someone live there?
Does no one live there?
It's kind of a cool property.
I mean, I want to see.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Another thing happened the other day, actually.
This was, I think, probably a week ago.
On the walk, as per usual.
And a guy that I see quite frequently was out walking his dog.
And he was letting his dog pee on someone's lawn.
And all of a sudden I hear, hey, come out of the window of a house nearby.
And I look around and I'm like, what?
And they say it again, hey.
And I was like are they yelling at me?
Well, I kind of spoiled it because there was another guy out there on the street walking his dog, letting him pee on the lawn across the street from me and, luckily for me, this time anyway, I was not the one being yelled at, it was the guy across the street.
And this, this man started screaming at him.
He was like hey, pick up after your dog.
And the guy was like my dog just peed, I can't pick it up.
He was like well, pick it up.
Anyway, that's the end of that story.
But that was kind of riveting.
The last story I can think of anyway is probably the most interesting one.
I was on my walk, per usual, and it was towards the end.
Actually, probably like 20 feet from where the woman yelled at me earlier today.
So I was towards the end of my walk.
It had been peaceful.
It had been wonderful.
And I notice a young man sitting kind of on like the front sort of like planter box.
There was like a planter box in front of this house and he was sitting on it and he had a skateboard and like a backpack and he had all this stuff.
And I was like, huh, I never see young people on my street.
Like it's definitely not, like there's not a lot of kids around.
So it was sort of unusual and he caught my eye because I was like, this is weird.
And so I clocked him and then I was like, okay, whatever.
And I kept walking and didn't really think much of it.
I walked past him and all of a sudden I hear, hey.
I was like, is he talking to me?
So I turned around and he was like, what's your name?
So I told him my name.
He was like, come talk to me.
And I was like, what?
I was like, this has never happened to me in my life.
No one has ever in my life been like, hey, what's your name?
Oh, come talk to me, like ever.
And I was intrigued by it.
And so I was like, all right, yeah, okay.
So I walk up to him.
He actually knew who I was.
He recognized me.
And he was very complimentary of me, which I was very appreciative of.
That's so nice to be on my morning walk and somebody to start complimenting me while I'm probably like on my walk, trying to be peaceful but ultimately pushing down my imposter syndrome.
You know what I mean?
Like, great.
What a treat.
And that was really wonderful.
And then he started talking about his current life situation, which I won't tell you about because that is no one's business, but his
And he started venting to me about it.
And he was talking to me with this like very unusual confidence.
I can't explain it, but he was just very confident.
And I think the best way I can display his confidence without telling you about the conversation verbatim is he did something that was so bizarre okay,
He unclipped a hair clip from his bag, like a hair clip for, like long hair where, like you know, you twist your hair up and pin and clip it right.
He unclipped that from his bag and he threw it at me.
And I was like, what do you want me to do with this?
Like, I don't have any hair.
Like my hair is short.
He was like, you're not a broken little girl anymore.
Grow your hair out.
Let it be long.
And I was like, well, that's not going to happen for a long time.
So you can take the clip back because I'm not going to need it for a long time.
And he said, when you grow your hair out, you give that clip back to me.
This was the nature of the whole conversation for the most part, okay?
That was his vibe.
And I'm like, what is happening right now?
Is he a genius?
Is he a psychic?
He said something else that was really interesting.
He was like because I was wearing sunglasses.
He was like I feel like you're someone who wears glasses a lot because you're trying to protect your spirit and you know what's weird is that i do wear glasses a lot and it does sort of weirdly feel like a protective mechanism, like i can't explain it, but it does feel sort of protective, like it spiritually, is sort of like a shield.
It also is a wonderful accessory that really takes every any outfit to the next level, but it also is sort of a weird block like it, And the fact that he caught on to that was so bizarre to me.
And he was just talking about me as though he had me all figured out.
Saying that, like I'm a hurt little girl on the inside, that's my inner child and that's why I cut all my hair off and have a pixie, and that I'm not hurt anymore and that I can grow it out and be a beautiful woman.
To be honest, the thing about that too is that there is a bit of truth to that.
I think I've always, how do I put this?
I've always struggled with feeling.
I've always felt like I'm not feminine enough, because I'm very in touch with my masculine traits, if you will, and I always have been.
And I've always been weirdly self-conscious about that, because it's not something I can control, you know.
Like I am who I am because that's the other thing about me.
I am who I am.
Like I...
I can't fake it.
And so when I am 100 myself, I am, you know, this particular combination of feminine and masculine traits stereotypically, if you will.
And I've always been self-conscious about feeling like I'm not feminine enough for say, like boys to like me or, you know yet, to be attractive to guys that I like.
And even in relationships, I've struggled with feeling like, oh, would they be more attracted to me?
Would they love me more if I was like ultra feminine, like sexy gorgeous, stereotypically attractive, perfect blowout hair, gorgeous winged liner?
Like, you know what I'm saying?
Like I've always struggled with that.
I've always felt like, oh, I feel like that's what the boys want, but that's not me, you know?
And I've always struggled with that my whole life.
So that's why it was so interesting to me when he was like, you're not a hurt little girl anymore.
Which to me, if I were to take his word as Bible, this random 20-year-old boy with a skateboard sitting outside of my neighbor's house which, by the way, wasn't even his house
He was just sitting outside of it.
If I were to take that literally and I were to try to find the truth in it, as though it's like a horoscope, I would say the truth in it is that I don't feel that way as much anymore.
I feel more...
I feel confident in who I am as a person now today, and I also think too I've grown into my feminine energy more and more and I like enjoy it, and I I still in a lot of like.
I still have, you know, masculine trait, like I do, but as I've grown older, I've been able to allow both to coexist more comfortably and I'm more comfortable with who I am as a person and And yeah, being like feminine doesn't make me as uncomfortable.
It used to make me very uncomfortable because I just, I always felt like it was forced.
But as I grew up, it just naturally became something that I felt comfortable with.
I just kind of had to grow into it perhaps.
Um, so that's why it was so interesting when he said that, because I was like I do feel more comfortable in my, in my femininity and in a way, now that I'm not that like like your hair length has nothing to do with your femininity necessarily.
But I think it was interesting because I was like, it is kind of a metaphorical thing.
However, I think he is sort of wrong because I love my hair being short.
I love having short hair.
It's the best.
I love styling it.
I love how easy it is to take care of.
Like I love my hair.
And to me, I feel very feminine with my hair.
So maybe he's not right.
Maybe he wasn't onto anything at all.
But it did make me think, which is kind of frightening in some ways.
It's like, am I super gullible?
The fact that I just bumped into this random young man on my street and he, like you know, throws me this hair clip and is like grow that hair out, baby.
You're not a hurt little girl anymore.
You can have long, gorgeous hair.
And I'm like, are you right?
Like.
The fact that I even asked myself, like is he onto something?
Is a little concerning to me, because I'm like –
Am I so gullible?
But there was something so intriguing about the whole interaction that I couldn't help but question if he was on to something.
And the whole thing he said about the glasses too was weirdly so on the nose as well that I was like is this random young kid a psychic?
Or has he just read a few like psychology books and he's pulling from that?
Like, I don't know.
But as I was walking away, he was like.
He was like well, I'd ask for your number, but you'll get it one day.
And I was like, what?
Okay, I gotta go.
I was like, what is happening?
What is happening?
And to be honest, the interaction actually kind of frightened me at first.
Like it really did frighten me.
It was so unusual and his confidence was so unusual that the whole thing was just like kind of an out of body experience for me.
And I did get really freaked out.
The remainder of my walk home, I was spooked a little bit, but then I calmed down.
He was harmless.
But that was really odd.
Those are all of the weird occurrences that have happened to me on my neighborhood walks.
And I mean, I don't think that this is the end.
So I'll keep you all updated if more odd things happen.
But while we're telling stories, I have a few more miscellaneous stories to share with you all.
Miscellaneous.
But these do not take place on my neighborhood walk.
That's all I got, okay?
And the fact that I even have that many stories is kind of impressive.
Like, I shouldn't have that many.
Now, listen, are any of them that groundbreaking?
No, but the thing is, if you want groundbreaking stories, you can go ahead and find a liar on YouTube.
You know what I mean?
Wild things don't really happen that often, you know?
So it's like listen, if you want a crazy story, like go find someone who's like lying or something.
Um okay, next story.
I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by too good and co.
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Find them all at your local retailer in the creamer aisle.
Now back to the episode.
My friends and I decided to go to a concert here in Los Angeles.
We got there super late and we're like running in trying to get in and they're checking my bag at security.
Cause you know, you have to go through a metal detector.
They have to scan your bag, look through your bag and they pull out my car keys.
And then they single out on my key chain, my Swiss army knife, my little mini Swiss army knife.
And they're like you can't bring this in.
And I was like fuck.
And I was like okay, should I run it back to the car like I'm asking my friends?
And then the guy was like oh, you can check it with the coat check if you want.
And I was like oh okay great, I'll do that.
So I unhook my Swiss army knife from my keychain, I give it to the coat check, they give me a little slip, I go into the concert.
Okay, my friends and I, we have a grand old time.
We're dancing, but we end up getting tired and leaving early.
So thankfully, I
There's no line at the code check.
No, nothing.
It's easy.
Walk right up and I hand my slip and I'm like, it's just like a red Swiss army knife.
So the woman at the code check pulls out a red Swiss army knife.
It's right on top, hands it to me, put it back on my keys.
Life goes on as normal.
One day, I'm in the car, I'm driving, and I'm at a red light.
This is probably two weeks after the concert.
I'm at a red light, I look at my face in the mirror, and I'm like, do I have a chin hair?
Because I have a little rogue chin hair that grows back every once in a while.
And I look a little closer, and I'm like, damn, I do.
I'm at this red light still.
I'm like, you know, maybe I'll tweeze it real quick.
Using my tweezers in my Swiss Army knife, I pull out my keys.
I pull out the Swiss Army knife.
The tweezers are gone.
I'm like, that's weird.
Like, how did I lose those?
Like, I haven't used those in a really long time.
Huh, that's weird.
Fast forward another week.
I was talking to my mom.
She was at my house.
I was like, it's so annoying.
Like, I have to get a replacement for these little tweezers.
Like I lost them.
I don't know how they how they fell out.
And I was looking at the Swiss Army knife and I look a little closer and I see that engraved into the Swiss Army knife.
It says Wanda.
I'm not Wanda.
Whose Swiss Army knife is this?
They gave me back the wrong one.
Now here's the thing.
This wouldn't be a big deal.
I don't mind having somebody else's Swiss Army knife.
Yeah, it's a little bit weird that it says Wanda on it, but like that doesn't really bother me that much.
It would be more of a shame for them if that was a special Swiss Army knife that they've had for years that has their name engraved on it.
Maybe somebody gave it to them as a gift.
That would be sad.
The problem was for the last two or three weeks, since I've had this random person's Swiss Army knife, I've probably used the toothpick 10 times.
Now, this is a repulsive thing to realize.
Wanda and I have basically kissed and it's disgusting.
It's disgusting.
And now I want to look up how long bacteria...
I'm looking up how long does mouth bacteria live on plastic?
Oh no.
Um, it says mouth, bacteria and other germs can live on plastic surfaces for anywhere from a few hours to several weeks.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Great.
Okay.
Well, I mean, I never got sick, but Wanda and I basically kissed.
So yeah, that's not great.
Okay, another story.
This next one is embarrassing.
This happened a few months ago.
I was at a party.
It wasn't like a party party.
It was like a industry party, kind of more of like a work party vibe.
And I randomly start chatting it up with some people I don't know.
And at one point, one of the girls I'm talking to was like, those are really cute glasses.
And I was like, oh, thank you.
And she was like, are those prescription?
And I was like, oh yeah, they're light prescription.
Like I just need readers.
I have a little stigmatism, just plus 1.25, like the lightest you could possibly go.
They're super light.
And she was like, oh, can I try them on?
And I was like, sure, I guess.
Why not?
And I wasn't sure if she wanted to try them on to see if they looked cute on her or what.
So I just was like, sure.
So I give them to her.
And she's like, these are not prescription.
And I was like, oh.
And I put them back on and I realized...
So I wasn't wearing my prescription once that night.
And here's how that happened.
OK, I have.
When I go out for the evening and wear glasses.
I'm not wearing them for function necessarily, unless I'm like really tired and I'm doing like a late night run to the grocery store and my eyes are kind of blurry and fatigued from the day.
Maybe I've been looking at a screen all day or something.
My eyes are kind of blurry.
Then I'll wear my readers out to like go run errands or something, because my eyes actually are tired.
But usually if I'm just going out for the night, I'm wearing glasses more for fashion purposes.
And one of my pairs of glasses I have in both prescription readers and normal.
Why?
Because they're glasses that I made with Warby Parker like a year ago.
And they sent me a sample that didn't have prescription in it.
But then I also have a prescription pair.
And so when I was leaving my house that day, I just like grabbed whatever pair, because I have them both out on this particular night.
I didn't even think about it.
I just had to go.
And so I just grabbed one and I didn't think about it.
And I thought that they were the prescription pair.
I just assumed because my vision looked clear, but I wasn't really thinking about it.
So when she asked, I was like, yeah, the prescription pair, because I just thought that they were.
And then they weren't.
And then it seemed like I was a liar.
Now, the reason why this is so mortifying to me is because it's like I feel like ever since optical frames have become a trend right.
Wearing just clear glasses for cutesy vibes rather than for, you know, actual functional vibes.
There's been sort of this defensiveness from people who like to wear optical frames, of like People are sort of embarrassed that they don't actually technically need them.
And it's sort of been like a controversial topic of like why are you wearing glasses if you don't need them?
You know?
And so it felt like I lied because I was embarrassed.
But really I lied because I just got confused and I just wasn't really paying attention.
And then she like thought that I like was lying lying, and and then it's like how do I explain to this person I've never met that like you know what I mean the situation it doesn't really matter, and also like to over explain.
It is like embarrassing, it's like who cares?
But then it was like I was in this weird situation where now this, this woman I've never met, thinks I'm a compulsive liar and so that was super embarrassing and to me it was embarrassing and I've been kind of dying to get that off my chest and tell someone about it.
I mean listen, I probably told my parents about it or something, but I just I feel like now that I'm talking about it publicly on a public platform, that this happened, now it just like I feel like relieved, like if this girl is like making fun of me behind my back, she's telling everyone.
She's like Emma lied to me and said her glasses were prescription and they're not, because she was like embarrassed that she doesn't need prescription and so she lied to me and she's lying and she's a liar.
Now that I've gotten this off my chest publicly on the internet, I just feel so much relief.
Okay, my last story is it's actually two stories and I like to call this collection of stories my week of bees.
B-E-E-S, bees, as in the bugs that fly around and can sting you.
So this is actually kind of an older story, many, many months ago.
I was in New York and it was a hot day and I'd been walking around all day shopping, getting little coffees around.
It was a gorgeous day and it was around 4 p.m. and I was a bit peckish.
Not hungry enough for a meal, but like peckish.
I wanted a snack.
So I was like, you know what?
For old time's sake, I'm going to go to the Press Juicery.
It's a juice place, as you may assume.
And I'm going to get one of their like frozen yogurts, like their vegan frozen yogurts, dairy free.
Sounds good.
I hadn't been there in a while.
I was like, let me do it.
And I used to get those all the time in high school.
That was my vibe.
My friends and I would go to the press juicery all the time and get little frozen yogurts.
Anyway, and actually fun fact, now we're really going off on a tangent.
Right when I started making YouTube videos, I also started applying for jobs.
And I applied for a job at the press juicery and I got the job.
But before I started working there, I quit to be a YouTuber.
But that is a fun fact.
Anyway, because I love the press juicery so much.
Anyway, so I was like, for old time's sake, let me go get a fro-yo.
So I got like a pineapple mango coconut flavor or something.
And I got like almond butter squeezed on it and maybe some coconut or something.
Yum.
And it's a gorgeous warm day.
So I go out the back of the press juicery.
There's a bench out there.
I'm like, wow, this is amazing.
Let me just soak this up.
So I sit down on the bench and I start eating my frozen yogurt.
It was really hitting the spot.
And all of a sudden I hear a buzz.
I hear a buzz.
And I know that buzz.
Oh, I do.
It was a bee.
And I'm not somebody who's like particularly afraid of bees.
Listen, I don't love a bee because I don't want to be stung by a bee.
Like I'm not looking forward to that.
I'm not craving that.
I'm also somebody who has a big fear of having an allergic reaction.
And even though I've been stung by a bee before and never been allergic, my vague understanding of allergies is that you can develop an allergy later in life to things.
And for some reason, I'm just afraid that like if a bee stings me, that I'll be allergic this time.
And then I was like alone.
And In this particular case, you know, and I was like oh, what if I get stung and then I have an allergic reaction.
Kind of irrational, kind of ridiculous, but this is how Emma's brain works.
And so I'm not particularly afraid of bees, but definitely don't want to be stung by one.
So I'm like not the type to like run away screaming, but I'm definitely not going to let the thing land on me and say aww, like some people.
So this bee is flying around.
There are people around me.
We're in New York City, okay?
I've got somebody sitting next to me on the bench that I'm sitting on.
There's a bench like five feet away with more people sitting on it.
Like there's people around.
So I don't want to make a scene, right?
So I'm just kind of acting casual, just kind of keeping an eye on the thing.
It's like starting to circle around my head and around my body.
And I'm like, okay.
Then it lands on me.
And I was like, all right.
So I blow it off, and it just starts swarming faster and faster and faster around my head.
So at this point, I get up.
I'm like, you know what?
I can't keep playing this off.
It's not flying away.
I need to... Something's got to happen.
So I get up.
I'm holding my frozen yogurt, and it does not let up.
I thought maybe if I got up, it would just leave me alone.
Nope.
It follows me, and it starts swarming around even more angrily.
Okay, this thing is fucking harassing me.
And I'm like...
What's going on?
And now this, at this point, I'm getting the attention of everyone else.
Okay.
Everybody else is like, what's going on with this poor young lady?
Something's going on.
And I'm like, oh my God, a bee is like really not leaving me alone.
And I'm trying to be like coy about it.
I'm like, oh my God, this bee is not leaving me alone.
Ha ha ha. what's it's like crazy you guys like what's going on with this bee like trying to be chill but inside I'm like this is a little weird like this thing is really like coming for me and so somebody shouts they're like maybe it wants your frozen yogurt so I was like okay maybe so I put the frozen yogurt on the bench no that's not what it wanted it wanted me okay it wanted me I
It did not follow my, it didn't follow my frozen yogurt.
It continued to swarm around me.
Okay.
And so I was, I started talking to the people around.
I'm like, what do you guys think I should do?
Like, it's not leaving me alone.
It would not stop just circling around me, trying to land on me.
Okay.
And I was like, what should I do?
And they're like, I don't know, run down the block.
So I asked the girl who's sitting on the bench next to me.
I was like, can you watch my bag?
Like, please, I'll be right back.
So I run around, I run to the end of the block and run back.
It would not leave me alone.
I get back and all these people at this point are like emotionally invested.
They're like, what is going on?
Like, why is this thing not leaving you alone?
I'm like, I don't know.
And so this guy was like, okay, like I'm going to try to like swat it.
So this guy starts like trying to swat it with his shoe.
And eventually he did swat it and he did ultimately kill it.
Now, I'm sorry to those of you who that is upsetting to, but I will tell you this thing was a wasp.
It was not like a cute little bumblebee as I thought it was.
No, this was a wasp and it wanted me dead.
This thing, okay, wanted to fucking eat me alive.
It wanted to eat me for the next, I don't know, rest of its life, probably.
It wanted to eat me up.
And I to this day don't know what it smelled on me that was so delicious.
I will say I did smell delicious that day.
Like I smelled amazing.
To be honest, let me tell you.
Actually i'll tell you all the scents i was wearing so that you can um you, just so that you know, because apparently it's a fire combo.
I was wearing the fleur brand vanilla skin deodorant.
It smells delicious like a musky vanilla deodorant scent.
Okay, and then i was wearing the sol de janeiro.
Sol de janeiro boom, boom.
No no, that's not what it's called.
Sol de janeiro Body oil, whatever.
I don't remember what the oil is called, but it's the body oil.
Wait, what is the oil called?
Sol de Janeiro Boom Boom Body Firmenza Oil.
Love.
I've been using it for years.
It is a delicious smell.
Anyway, so that, plus the vanilla skin deodorant, I'll tell you I smelled like a vanilla coconut.
Trip to the Bahamas.
I did smell amazing.
And I think the wasp, I mean, it kind of felt like the wasp had a crush on me.
So that was really upsetting.
Now listen, if this was just a one-off event, it wouldn't be that interesting of a story.
And it's not that interesting of a story.
It's really not.
But I got home from New York 24 hours later.
I'm feeling a bit freaked out about bees, wasps, things of the sort.
That was sort of a traumatic event.
I get home, the weather's gorgeous in Los Angeles.
It was probably like the second day I was back and I decide one afternoon that I'm gonna eat my lunch outside, which I don't actually do very often.
That was kind of like a spontaneous decision, but the weather was so gorgeous and I was like I'm gonna eat my lunch in the shade.
And so I had a bunch of, I had sort of a smorgasbord, smorgasbord of things.
Is that how you say that?
Like I had some hard boiled eggs.
I had some gorgeous farmer's market hummus.
I had some crackers.
I had a bunch of different things.
So I bring everything out to my table outside.
I was so excited to eat outside and I start eating.
I'm having a gorgeous time.
All of a sudden in all too familiar I kid you not wasp flies up and starts kind of circling, not intensely, not like the wasp from New York, but starts circling around the table.
And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
And I was like, it's whatever.
It's summertime.
I can't really tell if this is a wasp.
I think it is, but I can't really tell.
I'm just gonna like let it go.
There's no way I'm gonna have two wasp incidents within the span of a week.
Like this is not possible.
Then another one shows up and I start to get a little nervous.
And so I'm like sitting there and I'm like, okay, what do I do?
I stop eating, but I'm like, what do I do?
Then I kid you not, all of a sudden, like 10 more show up.
And to be honest, I think that they wanted my hard boiled egg.
I get it.
Hard boiled eggs are yummy.
Now there's 15 wasps flying around my table with all my food.
So at this point, I abandon the food and I run inside.
I was feeling unbelievably discouraged.
I was like I don't understand what's going on, but it seems like I can't go outside anymore because every time I go outside I'm getting harassed by wasps.
And luckily, my mom was at my house when I was eating my lunch.
She was like helping me with something.
And so she braved the wasps, went outside, got my food and brought it in for me.
Listen, this is one of the interesting things about having a parent living close by when you're in your 20s.
My mom comes to my house all the time.
She's not here all the time actually at all, but she definitely comes over a few times a week.
And whenever she's here, I revert back to being like a five-year-old.
I can't do anything for myself.
She's in my house.
I can't.
Why would I brave the wasps when my mom could do it?
Sorry, let me correct myself.
When my mommy could do it.
Why would I do that?
So I let her do it.
She brought the food inside.
And then I never saw a wasp again.
I don't think I've seen one wasp since.
It was my week of bees.
I called it the week of bees, but I should have really called it the week of wasp.
Ooh, the week of the wasp.
That's what that week of my life is now called.
In the book of my life, that is the week of the wasp.
Those are all the stories I have.
Listen, I would love to sit down with you all and say, you will not believe what happened.
I scaled the side of a building and then I parachuted down and then my parachute ripped.
But then I took my shirt and I like ripped it off and then I used it as a hang glider and then I glided down safely to the ground.
I would love to sit down here and have that be my story for you.
Instead, you know I'm telling you about, like the abandoned house at the top of my hill and a random young man who told me to grow my hair out in the time that a bee like kind of chased me.
To me, these moments in my life are riveting.
To you, I doubt it.
But either way, I hope you enjoyed this episode of literally some of the most boring stories of all time.
But maybe you fell asleep to this.
Consider this your bedtime story.
I hope you enjoyed this episode.
You know, trust me like I'm keeping my energy open and I'm inviting in interesting stories into my life.
Listen, I don't want any that are like bad, but interesting.
I'm inviting that in.
So hopefully soon I can make another episode of a bunch of random, miscellaneous stories and maybe they'll be a little bit more interesting than these.
But no promises, because this has taken like months to compile this many stories.
They're not even that good.
So We'll see.
I love you all.
Thank you all for listening.
If you enjoyed this by some miracle, new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday.
Anything Goes is everywhere on the internet, social media, on all the platforms at Anything Goes.
I'm on the internet at Emma Chamberlain.
My coffee company is Chamberlain Coffee.
Thank you all for listening and hanging out.
I love you.
I appreciate you.
And I will talk to you soon.
Okay, bye.
Love you.
Bye.
