I'm sure it's a biological instinct to care about what we look like, to sort of be concerned about our appearance.
However, I feel like since the inception of social media, our collective obsession with our appearance has steadily increased to the point that we're at now, where it's peaking in a way that I don't think anyone could have anticipated.
Unless you're really not on the internet and you don't live in a big city where the zeitgeist is quite literally in front of you at all times, it is abundantly clear that as a society, we are more obsessed with our appearance than we've ever been before in a way that is arguably concerning and can at times even be dangerous.
This came onto my radar, I think, for a few reasons.
Number one, because I spend a lot of time in big cities.
Therefore, I see with my own eyes what's going on trend -wise, but also because this is such a relevant topic of conversation that even though I don't really scroll on the internet very much these days, it's still made its way onto my radar.
Lastly, because I think the industry that I work in, entertainment, plays an integral role in sort of the beauty standards and beauty trends and so on and so forth.
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As I'm noticing this happen societally, I on a personal level am having the opposite experience.
As people are becoming more and more and more obsessed with their appearance due to the internet, I, for the first time in my life, am barely on the internet.
I used to be so much more obsessed with my appearance because I was chronically online.
line. I experienced this at an even less intense time like a few years ago and now it's hitting its peak and I can't even imagine how it would psychologically impact me if I was still heavily influenced by the internet.
I feel like I'm constantly discovering new positive things that have come from me not scrolling social media as much anymore.
My brain feels healthier in this way or in that way.
I'm constantly discovering new things.
And something that I realized recently was that I feel so much more positive about my appearance these days.
It's like one of those things where it takes time to notice like, oh, wait, I'm not really thinking like that anymore.
Oh, I'm not really doing that anymore.
And so it really dawned on me recently.
I don't think I even realized how obsessed with my appearance I was when I was chronically online.
line. I just thought it was a normal part of being a young person, I guess.
A lot of my friends were experiencing the same feelings and a lot of people on the internet, I think, were experiencing the same thing.
So I was like, this is just kind of how it is to be a human being, I guess.
But also, I was so wrapped up in it.
I was so obsessed with what I look like that I wasn't even thinking about anything else, which might be shocking to some of you because I also am somebody who's been known to to be super raw.
Emma doesn't wear makeup all the time.
She's so natural. She doesn't care if she looks like shit.
Yes, but I have my own sort of criteria.
I can look like shit as long as in my eyes, I still look kind of good.
Do you know what I'm saying?
So in my own head, there was still an obsession and there was still a focus on it.
It just might be a little bit different than yours or than the average person because I'm weird and whatever.
But a few years ago, I was constantly looking in mirrors and looking in the front camera of my phone.
All day, every day, I was checking to see what I look like.
And I knew every single nook and cranny of my face at every given moment.
Like if I had a pimple, I was so hyper aware of that pimple.
If there was like a new little wrinkle on my forehead, a new little line on my forehead, I'd know about it.
If my face was a little bit puffy because I ate something really salty, I noticed, and I was upset by it.
I was also obsessed with taking photos, which I think was made worse because, you know, I have a career on the internet.
I post photos of myself wearing clothes and doing this and doing that because arguably that's a part of my job.
But I was even more upset.
Like I was unnecessarily obsessed with taking photos of me in outfits and, and just selfies and this and that all the time, time partially because it was my job, but also because, like, I wanted to prove to myself maybe that I looked good.
And if I looked good in a photo, then it was like this sort of evidence, like, oh, I look good.
And that made me feel good.
There was an unhealthy emphasis on taking photos of myself during that time.
I also think that my, quote, wellness habits, if you will, OK, wellness meaning like exercise, skin care, hair care, what I was eating, like my wellness routine, if you can call it that, was forced for sure.
There were elements of it that were enjoyable, but like there were little bits and pieces of my routine that I think were forced.
Like, for example, I used to do this really challenging cardio weightlifting boot camp workout class all the time.
Like that was my go -to workout class.
And in retrospect, like I really did love that class.
I think to an extent, but like, did I, I dreaded it almost every time I went, it really exhausted me and I didn't really enjoy lifting weights.
Like it wasn't, it wasn't for me actually.
Like I was just doing that because I thought, okay, I need to find the hardest workout possible and do that because that's going to put me in the best possible shape and I'm going to be as healthy as, you know what I mean?
And that was a bit forced.
And then like another example would be I used to use this microcurrent tool, like this like facial tool.
It's like this little thing that zaps your face and makes it sort of snatched, if you will.
And I used to do that like every other day.
And to be honest, I hated using that tool.
Like it was so annoying to me.
But I thought that it helped my face sort of de -puff, if you will.
I thought it made my face look more, or I guess chiseled.
And so I did it every other day, 10 minutes, but I hated doing it so much that like, it was such an annoying part of my routine.
I was sort of doing a lot of things in my day -to -day life for the sake of my appearance that weren't really enjoyable for me.
And last but not least, when I look back at that time, I just remember constantly feeling upset and and stressed because I didn't feel like I looked good.
I never felt satisfied with what I looked like.
I always felt like something was wrong and I was always obsessing over it.
And I cried a lot about it.
In retrospect, it makes complete sense to me.
I was scrolling on TikTok for probably at least an hour a day.
I was on Instagram scrolling for probably another hour a day.
I was seeing a a lot of hot people.
The algorithm loves to push hot people doing hot things.
People in really, really good shape with lots of muscles doing their workout routine.
It naturally, subconsciously, was getting to me.
And I didn't even really realize it.
And now, I don't see that stuff anymore.
And everything has changed.
I mean, not everything, but it's much healthier now.
Nowadays, I don't look in the mirror that much. I don't open my phone camera that much and check on what I look like.
Unless I'm going to an event and my makeup is done and I'm about to do a red carpet and get my photo taken and I want to make sure that my lip liner is touched up, I actually don't check on what I look like very often.
in. A good example of that would be the other day I looked in the mirror and realized that my entire cheek is completely broken out.
Acne everywhere. Like I probably have like 15 little pimples on my right cheek right now.
I don't know why. I don't know how it happened.
But I just looked in the mirror one day and it was there.
And it's interesting because, you know, a few years ago, I would have watched every single pimple come in.
I would have known every single pimple was coming And it was sort of this beautiful moment of looking in the mirror and being like, huh, where did all those come from?
It shocked me because I woke up one day and I was like, wait, how long have those been there?
And that sort of nonchalance was so new to me and it really dawned on me how different my brain is now.
now. Am I immune to feeling insecurity?
No. Like do I look in the mirror and see a cheek full of acne and think to myself, it's okay.
I love that. I love myself so much. And I'm, and I'm so in everything.
And I think I'm so awesome and so gorgeous that I just, even when I have a full cheek of acne, like it makes me love myself even more.
No. Like, of course I look at my cheek in the mirror and I'm like, Oh, that's a bummer.
Like it's still a bummer.
You know, when I look in the mirror after a 12 -hour plane ride and my face is puffy and I'm like, my eyes are puffy and like my hair looks like shit.
And like, am I stoked about it?
No, I'm not. But it's less intense of a discomfort than it used to be.
Like that used to really freak me out because I was obsessed with what I look like.
Now I'm like concerned about what I look like, but not to the point of of like crying, not to the point of, you know, using the microcurrent tool on my face for an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not so concerned that I have a cheek full of pimples to the point where like I need to book a facial now and I need and I need like it's fine.
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guarantee eBay is the place for pre -loved and vintage fashion eBay things people love there's certain sort of insecurities that used to really stick out to me and really bug me that now I'm just kind of neutral about like they're there it is what it is like I can I can name them for you number one my lips are very uneven like my left upper lip to me is it's very small it's short it's small.
Okay. Like the, my, the right side of my upper lip is round and like looks nice and I, I'm fine with it.
The left side to me for some reason I hate.
And so sometimes I'll use lip liner and like overline my lips and then you can't tell.
Like right now my lips are overlined.
So if you were to look at me right now, you wouldn't be able to tell, but that's something that used to really bother me.
Another thing, I don't have Botox.
My face is wrinkling as a 24 year old's face will wrinkle.
I don't have wrinkles, but I have some little lines, you know, I have lines on my forehead.
I have lines, uh, in between my eyebrows.
I have some deep lines around my mouth, you know, in, in, there have been times where that's really upset me, really bothered me, you know?
And then when it comes to my body and stuff, I mean, don't even get me started.
Like we all have things.
It's like, why does my knee look like that?
Why do, why, when I wear a tank top does my armpit look like that like this is just we're human you know what I mean it the list goes on and you can look at me and say Emma like you're being fucking pick me and you're being ridiculous like why are you you're like you're nitpicking stuff that no one notices that no one cares about that is exactly how I'd feel about you if you were to share the thing like we don't care about each other's insecurities we don't notice these things and even if we do even Even if it's something like, oh, you know, who cares?
Like we don't care about each other's things.
Like you might have noticed like, oh, Emma has some deep lines on her face around her mouth.
You might've noticed that, but I can guarantee that you don't care.
You don't think differently about me because of it.
I don't know, all of this to say, I don't look in the mirror as much. I'm not checking what I look like in my front camera of my phone as much. And when I do, it's less traumatic.
It's less intense. I feel as close to a sense of sort of neutrality about what I look like possible.
Like, listen, there's probably, I could probably improve, but who I am today, I think I'm as neutral about what I look like as possible.
I'm a human being. My career is like on the internet.
People are constantly commenting about what I look like.
Like, I'm never, I'm not gonna not care at all, but I'm in a really good place compared to where I used to be.
I would say most interestingly, recently, recently, I don't take a lot of photos of myself anymore.
I used to constantly be taking selfies.
If you were to look through my camera roll, there were so many selfies.
And part of them were like, oh, maybe I'll post them.
But it was also kind of like, what do I look like right now?
Do I look cute or no?
It was half like, oh, I'm taking a selfie for Instagram.
But then it was also kind of like checking.
But then also even like when I'm out and about doing stuff, unless I'm really in a beautiful environment, and I'm wearing a really cool outfit, I'm not going to hand my phone to the person I'm hanging out with and say, Hey, take a photo of me like I used to, because I used to do that a lot.
And I also think that that's part of being, you know, a young person.
As you get older, perhaps you feel less inclined to take a photo of everything.
Perhaps that's just my experience.
Like that's just something that I personally grew out of.
I'm not sure. But I just don't take photos of myself as much anymore.
And when I do, I take like 10.
I used to take 40 ,000 images before I'd get one that I liked.
And now it's like, okay, 10 is good.
It's kind of miraculous to be honest. I also think that nowadays my wellness habits are much more intuitive and enjoyable.
Like my exercise routine is truly one of the highlights of my day.
Like I love going going to hot yoga.
I love a little Pilates.
I love walking. I'm not forcing myself to do it.
Everything about it is intuitive.
It's what I want to do.
I used to run. I used to lift weights, and I used to do all this stuff because I thought that that's what would make me feel the most strong.
In fact, I was wrong.
It's very interesting.
I actually feel stronger and healthier now.
When it comes to my skincare, I'm not doing the microcurrent tool anymore.
It might help with, you know, puffiness in the face a little bit.
I don't care. It doesn't, it's too annoying to keep up with.
I don't want to do it anymore.
So I don't do it anymore.
I do whatever skincare sounds appealing to me at any given moment.
If I wake up one day and I want to do that microcurrent tool, I'll do it.
But if I'm not feeling it, I'm not feeling it.
Sometimes I just want to give my face a massage.
I'm just listening to my body and doing what feels right.
You know what I mean?
So moral of the story, it's very clear to me, the correlation.
I stopped scrolling on the internet and I just started caring a little bit less about what I look like.
Again, do I still care about what I look like?
Of course I do, but it's decreased significantly and I feel much more balanced.
I still have moments where I am toxic with myself.
Absolutely. I feel like it's probably rooted in my career, just having a job where I'm constantly on camera.
I think I've naturally started making more content, if you will, that has nothing to do with my physical appearance.
It's more about the clothes that I'm wearing or the things that I'm talking about.
I think there's been a little bit of a shift there, which has been helpful, but I'm still on camera.
As I'm recording this podcast right now, I'm on camera.
You can see see my face.
If you're watching the video version of this episode, if I'm talking about how I style an outfit, even though the video is about the outfit, not about what I look like, I am the one wearing the clothes.
I still do take photos to post on Instagram of me.
You know, I still do take photos.
Sometimes I do photo shoots for brands or magazines.
These things still occur in my life.
And so it's impossible for me to completely become neutral about what I look like.
You know know what I mean?
But I think I'm as neutral as I can be considering my circumstance.
And I really do think that that's because I'm not scrolling.
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We're all very much aware that social media has caused us to become more obsessed with what we look like.
Well, number one, because we're constantly comparing ourselves to a curated reality.
Photoshopped images, perfected angles, lighting that smooths the skin, like snooze fest, we all know that.
I think the Internet also makes us obsessed with what we look like because we have this sort of innate desire to fit in and be on social media.
And beyond that, not only do we want to fit in by being on social media, but we also want to fit in by having a certain social media presence.
We want to look a certain way and appear a certain way on social media for obvious reasons.
Again, snooze fest. We already all know this.
We want to seem cool.
We want to seem like our lives are awesome because that attracts people to us.
And we want people to be attracted to us, right?
But the interesting thing about our desire to be present on social media is that it causes us to take photos of ourselves and take videos of ourselves more than ever in history, to the point where now we see ourselves in photos and videos, I would argue an unhealthy amount.
Like for me, it's one thing because it's my job, but the average person, they have sort of this parasite of like seeing themselves more than than they need to, to sort of fit in.
Do you see what I'm saying?
If we were to go back a hundred years, people never saw themselves except for maybe in the mirror every once in a while, living life just through our own eyes.
Does that make sense?
We were, our reality was the people around us and the things that we were experiencing, not ourselves.
And there's something about that that's so freeing.
And also photos are usually less flattering than looking in the mirror, because when we look in the mirror, we're moving, you know, like our imaginations are, I've heard that our brains like edit the way that we look in the mirror to make us look better, but it's inevitable.
Like we definitely look better in the mirror than we do in photos because photos are a split second.
I don't know. You're two dimensional.
You get what I'm saying.
People were less obsessed with their appearance before we were taking photos of ourselves all all the time.
Do you know what I mean?
And obviously social media impacts our sense of reality, thus impacting our priorities.
When we're chronically online, our reality shifts from what we're experiencing in the real world to what's happening online, which is usually not good for us.
Let me give you some examples.
Online, looking good is more important than treating others with kindness.
You post a video of you being kind, you're going to get one like.
You post a video of you looking really hot and pushing somebody out of the way, 200 likes.
Whereas in real life, treating others with kindness is 1000 % more important than looking good.
It doesn't matter if you look good in person.
If you're an asshole, everyone's going to hate you.
Another example, online, looking good is more important than spending time with loved ones.
You post a sweet picture with your grandma, one like.
You post a really hot photo where you perfectly face -tuned your waist a little bit tinier and your booty a little bit wider and the skin a little bit smoother and wow, you've never looked better?
2 ,000 likes, okay? 2 ,000.
Hanging out with grandma doesn't matter on the internet unless you have a famous grandma.
What's more important is looking good.
It's harsh what I'm saying, but it's true.
My point is if you're chronically online, there's very few things that are more important than looking good because on the internet, Looking good is rewarded.
Posting hot photos can actually help you build a career.
I notice significantly more positive engagement when I look good.
I'm showered with love.
It's fascinating to me.
And it doesn't impact what I post. Like, sometimes I post something where I look really glamorous, and other times I don't.
But I definitely notice it.
And I think at this point, we all notice it.
I think it's also gotten progressively worse as of recently, because there's so much content on the internet now focused on how to look better.
I'm not on TikTok, so I'm not running into this content as much on my own.
But I'm hearing about it, because even on YouTube, like there's so many people making video essays and stuff about how to look better.
There's so much content about cosmetic procedures, what celebrities have gotten gotten done or story times about people getting cosmetic procedures themselves or talking about how they ordered like hyaluronic filler online and they're injecting it into their own lips.
And if not that, it's content about how to mimic the effects of cosmetic procedures more naturally, you know, like taping your face to make your face like to help with wrinkles.
It's like natural Botox or jaw exercise mechanism that you can chew down on for like 10 minutes a day and it'll make your jawline sharper.
There's also a lot of extreme skincare content on the internet, like the whole sort of morning shed.
This trend is like, I mean, you all probably know what it is, but in case there's one of you who doesn't, the morning shed trend apparently was this trend where where people would put on face tape, you know, hydrating eye patches, and then they'd put on like a collagen mask.
And then they'd put on like a jaw strap that's supposed to like make your jaw line sharper.
And then they'd put on like a lip mask that's supposed to make your lips more plump.
And they'd put all these things on their face before they go to sleep so that they'd wake up looking good or whatever.
I've noticed an obsession with anti -aging products, young people who are were like, I need to start using like an anti -wrinkle cream.
So I'm going to start it this week.
Young people who don't need to be using anti -aging products are like doing a little get ready with me and showing their wrinkle cream.
And it's like, what the fuck's going on?
And another abundant genre of content is weight loss related content.
I think probably influenced by the sort of Hollywood ozempic weight loss collective moment.
And I think the most toxic part about the sort of weight loss content is that a lot of it is clickbaited in a way that's really naughty.
It's not about health.
It's like a TikTok video HBO where in the beginning of it, it's like teeny tiny waist workout.
And it's like the first frame is like somebody who has a teeny tiny waist being like, look at my teeny tiny waist. And then they do like sit ups or it'll be like what I eat in a day.
And like the first clip will be like somebody who has like a six pack and they're like flexing.
Do you know what I mean?
People are tapping into common insecurities and using it as clickbait.
And listen, I'm not even saying that it's wrong to wanna look a certain way.
You can do whatever the fuck you want and I can do whatever the fuck I want.
We can all do whatever the fuck we want.
Isn't that wonderful?
I'm not judging people who have a 90 -step skincare routine and go to sleep with like 50 different products on their face and in the morning, they have to spend 15 minutes peeling it all off.
Like that's not necessarily wrong, okay?
If that makes you happy, do it.
If you genuinely love how you look when you have lip filler, get fucking lip filler.
If you want to get your nose done because your nose has always bothered you, get your nose done.
Like, only we can make those decisions.
But I think, number one, that the content can get toxic, especially if the person creating the content is tapping into people's insecurities.
And also, it gets tricky when you as an individual are consuming this content and it's fucking with your head.
Like, I don't think it's necessarily wrong for someone to vlog their experience going and getting their lips done or their boobs done.
I think we should all do it in hopes of helping other people and making other people feel better about themselves, which some of this content is not.
Anyone who's posting content and has bad intentions, I just wanna go viral and be famous and I'll do whatever I can to get there.
and if that means taking advantage of people's insecurities, I'll do that.
Obviously, I don't believe in that.
So it almost comes down to us as consumers in a way, how are we impacted by this content?
Because there's more of it than ever.
So we all need to ask ourselves, how does this type of content make us feel?
Now that I'm not being exposed to it anymore as much, it's clear to me that it does not impact me in a positive way.
It causes me to be more obsessed with my appearance in a way that brings me misery.
But I think that this is such a severe societal issue for two reasons.
Number one, because I think we all underestimate the power of the content we consume and how it impacts our thoughts and behaviors.
Like we all know that it's bad to scroll a lot and that it makes us feel bad and that we should get off our phone and that we should touch grass.
But I think a lot of young people especially especially, fail to truly grasp how severe the problem really is.
It's like when you're a kid and your parents are constantly telling you what you can and can't do.
Don't drive fast. Don't stay out late.
All of the things that your parents are saying when you're young is correct.
But when you're young, you're like, shut the fuck up.
Like, I don't want to listen to you.
That same, like, I think a lot of young people have that feeling about internet usage.
Like, young people are sick sick of psychologists going on podcasts and saying, well, the phone's really bad for your brain.
Like young people are like, who cares?
I'm still going to go on my fucking phone.
Shut the fuck up. And so when I talk about it, even I'm like, I sound like your mom telling you what to do.
It's almost like it's something that people need to figure out on their own.
On top of that, I think content about how to look better content of people who look really good.
This type of content is particularly addicting.
There's something so satisfying about watching this type of content.
It feels like it taps into the same side of the brain that likes watching drama videos or gory videos.
It's almost like eating like a Twinkie.
You don't feel good after you eat it, but there's something about it in the moment that's so wonderful.
Do you know what I mean?
I don't know if that's a good metaphor.
Maybe that's actually a toxic metaphor.
But But there's something particularly consuming about this type of content.
And on top of that, I think the way it makes us feel, which is focused on our appearance, is weirdly a form of escapism.
Hear me out. If you're consuming content that causes you to become more obsessed with your appearance, being obsessed with your appearance is a hobby.
It's a distraction from other things in life.
life. When I look back at the time in my life when I was struggling with this, it was one of the only things I thought about.
And there's something addicting about that and weirdly comforting about that.
It's harder than ever to feel grounded and in control in our lives because when we're chronically online, our reality is so chaotic because the internet is so chaotic and there's so much information all the time.
And being in control of our appearance gives us the illusion of being in control of our lives.
And I think if we're chronically online, this is just sort of a natural thing to cling to, to give us a sense of control.
And maybe I'm just fucking talking out of my ass and none of this makes sense and I should shut the fuck up.
But I think the first step to solving a problem like this is being aware of it.
And the only reason why I'm this aware of of it is because I went through this sort of journey already, having an unhealthy relationship with the internet, distancing myself, and then discovering all of these different positive mindset shifts as time has gone on.
And this is just one of those things.
But if I hadn't made that lifestyle shift, who knows if I would have noticed this on my own, but I'm not going to tell you what to do.
I'm not going to give you any specific advice.
Being aware of it is the first step and you can do the rest. Or not.
At the end of the day, with all this shit, whether it's internet addiction, nicotine addiction, being in a shitty relationship, it's having shitty friends, with all of these things, people can tell you a thousand times how to quit.
But ultimately, you're the one who has to do it.
You need to figure it out.
Just know that you're not alone in it.
Even now that I don't scroll anymore, sometimes little things will pop up on my side of the internet.
There are even little brief moments where I get sucked into it.
No one's safe. It is an incredibly challenging time to be on the internet.
It takes a lot of strength and discipline to not let it ruin your life.
And that's all I have to say for today.
I hope you enjoyed this episode.
If you did, new episodes every Thursday and Sunday.
Come hang out. You can watch video episodes on YouTube and Spotify, listen anywhere.
Anything Goes is on social media at Anything Goes.
I'm on social media at Emma Chamberlain, and my coffee company is online and in the world at Chamberlain Coffee.
I love you all. I appreciate you all.
And I am sending you love and strength through the air, so I hope that you feel it.
And that's it. I'll talk to you all soon, and goodbye for now.
Thank you.
