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Hey y 'all it's Dora here and welcome to Radioheadspace.
Have you ever spent way too much time overthinking an email.
A while ago I had just started consulting for a new client and I needed to send an email that was so simple, just a quick follow up, no big deal.
And yet somehow I found myself struggling to write it.
I wrote the email, then rewrote it, then rewrote it again.
Then I sat there debating, do I say hi or hey or just go straight into it?
Should I add an exclamation point so I don't sound cold but not too many so I don't seem intense?
What if I sound too formal or too casual or too desperate or even too distant?
Before I knew it I had been staring at this email for 20 minutes.
Then out of pure frustration I gave up.
I closed my laptop walked away and made a snack.
I didn't think about it at all.
And when I sat back down, suddenly, I knew exactly what to write.
It was like the answer had been waiting for me to stop forcing it.
Often we think that insight comes from trying harder, thinking more, searching deeper.
If we can't figure something out, we assume we just need to push through, if we don't have an answer, we assume we need to analyze it more, if something isn't clear we assume we're not trying hard enough.
But sometimes the best way to find an answer is to stop looking for it.
As Brené Brown says, if you're constantly hustling for your worth, you'll never feel like you've arrived.
In Zen Buddhism, they use Koans, which are riddles that aren't meant to be solved.
And this one in particular captures what I'm talking about perfectly.
A student once asked to Zen Teacher.
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
At first, the student tried to be clever.
He snapped his fingers, he waved his hand in the air.
He even clapped it against his leg.
The student got frustrated.
He spent days thinking about it, analyzing it, trying to force an answer.
But the harder he tried, the more confused he became.
Finally exhausted, he gave up.
He sat quietly. He allowed his mind to rest and he stopped trying so hard. And in that moment, the answer came to him.
Not as words, but as an understanding.
The sound of one hand clapping isn't something you hear, it's something that you experience.
The point of the question wasn't to find a literal answer.
It was to show him that some things can't be solved through logic alone.
The more he tried to force an answer, the further away he got.
But the moment he stopped forcing it he understood.
Now how often do we do this to ourselves?
We try to force clarity instead of giving it space.
We grip too tightly when the best answers come from letting go.
We assume progress comes from overthinking, when sometimes it comes from not thinking about progress at all.
I try to remind myself of this every time I catch myself overthinking an email, or a or what someone meant by sounds good.
And now after years of practice, when I feel myself forcing an answer that won't come, I remind myself of that student.
I take a step back and give it space.
And 99 % of the time that's when the answer finally arrives.
So if you find yourself feeling stuck today, if you're trying to force an answer that just won't come, try taking a step back, take a break, walk away, give your mind space to breathe.
Because sometimes the insight you're searching for is already there, waiting for you to stop looking so hard. All right, thank you so much for being here, and I'll see you tomorrow.
Well that's it for now
