I've learned a lot about myself over the past year.
In particular, I've realized that I'm generally unpleasant to be around.
I prefer being alone.
I hate being out of routine for more than two to three days.
I'm either thinking about nothing or everything, with little in between, mulling over ideas, strategizing a project, ruminating on a problem.
The quality of my days depend on the quality of alone time I have for myself.
And that can hurt certain relationships because I'm unpredictable, and I usually say no to most invitations or events, and so when I say no, then people assume, okay, he doesn't want to go, and then they stop inviting me.
Now, at first, I thought this was a character flaw.
I wanted to change it.
I wanted to be more pleasant to be around, because frankly, we've been raised to be kind in all circumstances, to never show teeth.
We're often told to let loose a bit and exchange our version of fun for theirs.
We're afraid of looking like bad people because we hold a delusional self -image.
We think of ourselves as noble and kind but we can never live up to that.
And when I tried to be pleasant to be around I just found myself trying to be more kind.
I saw myself putting on a mask and that just led to people taking advantage of me.
When I would try to lighten up a bit and enjoy myself then my life would only get worse because I'm not staying true to my goals and values my focus would split my progress would stall and the goals that used to bring me joy now brought me pain because pursuing the goals was so much harder when you're letting loose and enjoying yourself now after some thought I realized that being unpleasant is a sign you're on the right path when I observe people I look up to.
Their mission comes first. That's what makes life enjoyable.
And if that enjoyment is taken away, it spreads into their work, their loved ones, and their friendships.
So if you know what you want and you don't fold to what others think you should want, you're going to be unpleasant to be around because the byproduct of knowing what you want is being disagreeable.
In fact, when you become more disagreeable you'll realize that people actually want to be around you more because they trust you if you're too agreeable people can smell that they can sense it and they can tell that you're fake because nobody can live up to that noble and kind self -image that we all think we should have people can tell when you're putting on an act like everyone else if someone's consistently what would you say tough in their judgment it's easy to adapt to them because it's consistent right the rules are stable and and it's actually i love having disagreeable people around me
because they tell you what the hell's going on agreeable people they're always covering everything it's it's okay it's nice it's like no it's not it's not nice Highly agreeable people hate conflict.
They will do anything to smooth the water, and that's the exact problem.
They will sacrifice their values, goals, and vision just to not hurt other people's feelings.
Most people are agreeable because they don't care about something so much that they are forced to be disagreeable.
For those types of people, it doesn't matter if they agree to go out every weekend and party or do things that isn't going to improve their lives in any way because they don't have progress toward an important goal that is impacted by their drop in mental capacity from going out and partying.
Their health goals aren't impacted because they're non -existent.
Their creativity isn't being used, so that doesn't matter either.
Feeling terrible is their baseline operating state because they can't muster up the strength to say no to pleasure because that would make their friends start pushing them to go out more and they don't want to deal with that conflict.
If you are an agreeable person and you are unhappy with the relationship you're in or how much you're being paid or anything like that, you will avoid standing up for yourself and your life won't change.
So when you're agreeable, three things tend to happen.
One is that problems silently build into ambient anxiety that can't be escaped until you have difficult conversations.
Two, the dream of others take priority over your own, making everything feel unfulfilling and bleak.
And three, you don't get what you want out of life.
You die with regrets.
Now the good thing is you don't have to become a nasty person to turn it all around.
So we need to learn how to be more disagreeable.
High agency people are disagreeable.
They have to be because if they want to act toward their own goals they must first disagree with the default path that society wants them on then they must say no to all the distractions that attempt to pull them in a different direction.
Steve Jobs was notoriously disagreeable.
He had a vision and was uncompromising in achieving it, which was often shown with his intense perfectionism and brutal honesty.
Now we don't need to call our employees work shit or park in the handicapped spot, but we do need a reality distortion field.
This is a concept used to describe Steve Jobs' ability to convince both himself and others to believe deeply in his vision.
Now, most people can't replicate Steve Jobs IQ or personality, and we have to be careful about blatant manipulation, but everyone can create an aura that other people can't help but be attracted to, helping you achieve your vision that much faster.
And that leads to step one, which is to obsess over what you want, because answers are given to those who obsess over the question.
Solutions are given to those who obsess over the problem.
problem. That's how you acquire new knowledge.
You sit with the problem.
You wrestle with it.
You consider giving up.
You reach the brink of insanity and eventually the problem yields.
Now it may take a week for a small problem or a year for a big problem or a millennium for a cosmic problem, but there is never a problem that can't be solved.
Just because you can't wrap your head around how to solve a problem in your life and just because it can't be done in a year doesn't mean it's impossible it means that you haven't broken down the goal into tangible enough steps that lead to a development in your skill and acquiring the resources and people necessary to believe in that vision and guiding them towards it the most important task in your life is to figure out what you want because if you don't and most people don't you will be manipulated and taken advantage of because you can't be distracted from a non -existent goal.
And if you don't have a goal, you don't learn a thing if you don't have an aim for your learning.
Humans are goal -oriented creatures.
We need purpose. What we act toward creates who we are.
When others assign us the goals that lie in the default path, we pursue them without question, and we slowly become a clone working toward a life that we didn't choose.
So to figure out what you want, and the simplest way possible for the sake of this video is to obsess over it, to obsess over what you want, figuring out what you want.
If you don't know what you want, then there shouldn't be a day in your life where you don't think about the life you want or the goals you want to pursue or the actions you should take.
That's the entire problem in the first place is you are already acting.
You are already doing things.
It's just not intentional action toward a goal.
And you don't realize that you're still pursuing a goal with those actions.
So if you can look at your actions and see what goal they're leading toward, you'll probably realize, hey, I don't want to end up there.
And that clarity alone is priceless because it starts to add a brushstroke to the painting of what you want.
What you want is a painting that you paint through mistakes and realizing what you don't want.
It's not just this clear image.
It's something you create through intention and contemplation.
The simple act of just thinking about what you want, thinking about what you should do, thinking about the actions you should take, it starts to rewire your mind.
You begin to notice what you don't want, like the job or the lack of financial stability or the lack of a partner.
And you can start to understand, OK, why don't I have these things?
OK, maybe I should do this instead.
And once you have at least some kind of clarity towards what you want, being disagreeable is a feature of of knowing what you want, and not compromising on it.
Now, step two is to believe you are better than most people.
And this will not sit right with a lot of people.
But you need to believe that you can do better than someone else.
Not in the sense that you are somehow superior to them as a person, but that you can create something that is just better enough so you have a chance to compete.
Because think about it, why would I create a note -taking software if I didn't think that I could at least add some kind of value to the space?
why would i create videos if everyone had already created all the value there is to offer out there why would i write two books why would i do anything if i don't believe that i can do something better that's why most people don't create their lives but their lives are created for them because they think everything's fine or they don't even think about that they don't have the belief that they can do better than someone who has already done a good job because the reality is what most people create isn't that good.
I mean, hell, my stuff isn't perfect, not even in the slightest, but I have subscribers, I have readers, I'm able to do what I want.
The world is 99 % consumers and 1 % creator.
The creators aren't some magical beings that have knowledge that you don't.
They simply knew that they had to create in order to get the life they want, as that's the only way to have full control over their time money labor all of their resources in life because if they are created or they create for someone else rather than self -direction self -governance directing their own creation then they're not in control of those resources if you don't believe that any product or writing or design or anything can be better in some major or minor way first you're lying to yourself and second you're not gonna do great things again Again, to avoid conflict.
When you believe that something can be improved and act on that belief, you have the potential to contribute something valuable to the world.
And if you don't have something valuable to offer, nobody is going to care enough to pay you or support you or join your cause.
All of those things are necessary to getting what you want.
Most people are starving artists because they just care about creating this fancy -spancy art, but not how the market perceives it so that they can sustain their art, art and business.
If you want to do art as a hobby, perfectly fine.
If you want to turn it into some kind of career and you actually want to control the resources in your life and spend more time on your art, then merge it with business.
Now, step three is to create a plan that stretches what's possible.
Because you know what you want.
You have something to improve or something to create which moves you toward what you want.
Now, you need a plan that brings order and clarity to both your mind and the minds of of those you will need to persuade for the resources time attention money labor and knowledge necessary to build your vision but not just any plan success is a measure of the people who care about what you do investors friends employees potential customers won't care about a boring plan they've never heard before now this has to be a challenging plan it has to be difficult it has to be slightly delusional but achievable like steve jobs he was notorious for demanding that products or features be delivered on time
frames that engineers didn't think they could hit and so with a deadline and challenge and novelty in being delusional or extreme watch my last video on you need to be extreme if you want your life to change this leads to a few things one is that it increases the potential for flow state so when the task is just on the edge of being impossible you become one with that task and distractions disappear two is that it forces creative thinking.
So when I have a four -hour deadline for my work, almost magically, I find a way to get the highest quality work done within that time.
And three is that it demands ruthless prioritization.
Pressure eliminates the ability to think about nice -to -haves and forces you to focus on what's necessary.
This is a recipe for being disagreeable.
If you even think about being distracted from your vision, everything starts to fall apart.
And since a vision is such a large part of your identity and your identity wants to protect itself and survive just like your body does, then you will do anything to avoid that reality.
When you're identified with such a grand vision, your mind doesn't let you lose.
And lastly, step four is to master persuasive communication because there's a stark difference between persuasion and manipulation.
Persuasion is inspiring people to act on something beneficial for both parties, both you and the other person, while manipulation is misleading people to act on something beneficial only to the manipulator.
Now, this is always surprisingly a touchy subject, but I just want to make it clear.
If you give attention to anything, you are being persuaded and manipulated.
Most of your beliefs and personalities are the results of people persuading you or manipulating you with their ideas into doing something, and those ideas stuck with you because you didn't know any better as a child.
So unless you live in the void, you are both persuading and being persuaded and manipulating and being manipulated.
For that reason, you may as well just study it so you can make it conscious to yourself and do less of the manipulation and more of the persuasion.
Because if you want to get what you want, you probably can't do it alone, right?
If you want to start a business, you need customers.
How are you going to get those customers to pay you?
You need other people.
You need investors.
You need teammates.
You need employees maybe.
Maybe you need customers or you can do it as one person, but you still need customers and you still need an audience of people who care about what you do.
So to be persuasive, you need two things.
The first is enough research to articulate your argument so you can back up why you think your way is better.
And then second is a compelling story that illustrates a transformation.
The mind makes sense of the world in stories and stories get people to care about what you do.
That is persuasion in a nutshell.
Literally, just get good at storytelling.
This isn't a video on storytelling, but if you can start to frame your mind to think in problems and solutions or befores and afters and just bridge everything between that and everything you do, then you will be more persuasive than 99 % of people.
If you want to achieve something and you think, okay, you are here, you're at the before state, do you want to get here?
The after state, is that desirable?
My vision is going to help you get there.
That's persuasion 101.
So if we were to tie everything we just learned together to create a reality distortion field, you know what you want in life and are not willing to compromise on that.
You believe that something needs to be improved.
In other words, you have a problem to solve that leads toward what you want.
You have a clear and strategically achievable plan to reach what you want, and you can inspire others to aid in your mission when necessary, removing potential roadblocks that prevent you from making progress.
Now, you don't need to start the next apple to be disagreeable.
You simply need to have a meaningful goal that you can't pull yourself away from and have the knowledge to act toward that goal without distractions.
Whether it be your health or your career or your relationships, the underlying reason as to why you don't get what you want is because you avoid conflict.
You're too agreeable and you do not do what we just learned, which is to set the conditions that make that conflict worth resolving.
Now, if you want to read more about being disagreeable or reaching your potential or being able to turn your interests and passions and obsessions into a career, I would recommend subscribing to my sub stack where you get free letters each week.
And on the paid tier of that, there is also the one person business launchpad course, a lot of writing strategies, marketing strategies, AI prompts, so on and so forth.
So check that out with the link in the description.
And if you just want to continue watching videos, I would highly recommend watching my last video on you need to be extreme if you want your life to change So again, thank you for watching like and subscribe while you're still here.
I'll see you in the next video.
Bye
