You're exhausted, but you didn't even do much today.
You look back at your day and you're like, okay, I replied to some emails.
I had a meeting.
I scrolled a bit.
I did some tasks here and there.
It was nothing crazy.
So why do I feel like I literally run a marathon?
And the weirdest part is that probably sleep is not the issue.
Like you're not sleep deprived.
So what the hell is actually going on?
Why are you exhausted all the time?
This is actually something I struggled for years.
Like at the end of the day, I would feel so drained and sometimes even like immediately after I woke up I was already exhausted.
And when I actually looked at like what I accomplished, it wasn't really matching.
Like the math wasn't really mathing.
So I started to look deeper into this.
And I realized that actually there is something that no one really talks about.
Now the obvious answer that every productivity video will tell you that it's the modern life right.
We are overstimulated.
We're constantly connected.
We have notifications coming from everywhere.
We're doom scrolling.
You have this like never ending to-do lists and responsibilities.
And that is the reason why we're exhausted all the time.
And honestly, that's like real.
And that is true for most people.
Like I'm not going to pretend and tell you that doomscrolling and this modern life is not causing exhaustion.
It really does.
Like you know, there's like constant overstimulation and constant connectivity actually creates this.
I don't know how to explain this in English, but we have a word for that in Japanese, which is called like, tabokan.
And which is basically the feeling of being extremely busy when you're not actually doing that much.
And that there's like a load that feels very heavy.
So if you would like touch some grass, you would feel better.
That is true for most people.
However, there's more to this equation, because during COVID, I actually quit doom scrolling and I didn't touch like social media.
I didn't consume social media for 14 days.
But the thing is I was still exhausted every single day and I was getting like 10 hours of sleep every single day.
So I actually started asking a different question.
What if mental overload isn't just about what's coming in from outside?
What if for some people, the overload is actually happening inside?
Like what if your brain is just working way harder than it needs to just to do normal everyday things?
Let me explain what I actually mean by this because this is actually quite interesting.
And actually there's like a name for this, okay?
This internal mental overload that has nothing to do with how much you're consuming or how busy you are actually in your life.
And that is called ADHD.
Now, before you roll your eyes and think I'm one of those people who self-diagnose themselves as ADHD and diagnose everyone around them as ADHD and make it everything about ADHD, even when it's not, I'm actually the opposite, okay.
I'm literally against to that thing of tictification of ADHD.
I literally hate people when do that.
I hate people use ADHD as an excuse for not improving themselves and tying every single fucking thing to ADHD.
And I also hate people who reduce ADHD just to procrastination and not being able to focus and tell everyone is little ADHD nowadays, because ADHD is not only about procrastination or only about like not being able to focus.
It's much deeper than that.
So in this video, I'm not going to use like ADHD as an excuse or tie everything to ADHD.
I'm actually going to explain the mechanism behind it, because understanding ADHD is literally the first step of getting out of this exhaustion cycle.
So let me explain what's actually happening in your brain.
So to understand ADHD, you actually need to know what executive function is.
Essentially, executive function is a part of your brain that's almost like ceo, which is like managing all the behind the scenes work of being functional as a human being.
Executive function handles basically storing and retrieving information, decision making, time estimation, task initiation, task switching planning organizing, as well as like prioritizing impulse, control and focus and attention basically every single thing that you need as an adult Right.
And for most people, their executive function just like runs on autopilot.
You know, most people don't think about things.
It's just like runs in the background.
It's just like a natural process.
However, if you have ADHD, it's basically like essentially having a weak executive function, which means like the part of your brain that manages all the things that I mentioned is underpowered.
So what does that mean daily and how does it manifest into our day to day lives?
So it basically looks like this.
You lose your keys, phones constantly.
Every day you burn mental energy on things that others don't even think about.
Nothing feels automated in your life.
Like even brushing my teeth, a lot of people like use brushing your teeth as a habit example, right?
Where you don't even think about it, it's just like a natural part of your day.
However, if you have ADHD, Even brushing your feet never becomes automated.
Every single night, it's still as hard as the day before.
You're still even trying to convince yourself that you're going to get out of bed and brush your teeth.
Nothing becomes a habit because your executive function is weak.
You also have this decision fatigue from small choices, because even brushing your feet takes so much mental energy and so much like conviction to yourself and telling yourself that you're going to get up.
You're going to get up.
And you know, it just creates this mental fatigue.
And there's also time blindness.
You sit down and suddenly four hours disappeared.
Or you think something takes like 10 minutes.
It takes two hours.
You think something's going to take four hours.
It takes only five minutes.
You are always guessing time, but you're always also wrong.
You can't start things and when you start you cannot stop, like you're burning massive energy trying to begin and also control your attention.
This is all about executive function and, for example, you walk into a room and you completely forget why you're even there.
Or you are mid-sentence and suddenly have no idea what you were even talking about.
Like the thoughts slip away.
Someone gives you instructions with three steps by step two.
You already forgotten step one.
Verbal instructions are impossible And you know, all these examples that I gave are about executive function.
And if you are, executive functions are weak.
Every single day, the day-to-day life is just exhausting for you, because for other people, what's autopilot?
You have to manually literally, like you know, put like engine, start the engine every single day for little actions.
That is just normal for other people.
So this is essentially why it might be that you're exhausted when you didn't do much if you have ADHD, because normal life is exhausting when it's not for other people.
So what can you actually do about this?
It's all about externalizing.
If your internal CEO, which is the executive function, is weak, then you stop asking it to do much.
You have to take the jobs outside of your brain.
Instead of relying on this weak function, you have to capture information decision, everything externally so that you actually free up a little bit of like mental workbench.
Okay, we have to give it a little bit of room to breathe.
You have to actually build a system in your life to take out of this burden.
And you might be thinking okay, like then i have to get a medication.
If i get a medication for idhd, then it's going to be everything it's going to be fine.
But the issue is that medication is just like one part of the equation.
It definitely improves, but But it's just one part of the equation.
It's not that easy.
If that would be that easy, like nobody would be struggling with ADHD, okay?
So you have to adapt your life.
You have to create systems around your life to help with this weak executive function.
And this is actually the exact reason why I built my Kaizen system.
Kaizen is basically a notion-based productivity system that I designed specifically for ADHD brains.
And I spent like months building it.
And I essentially actually started to build it for myself because I was just struggling with every single day like day-to-day life decision-making planning, organizing and just like getting through the basic responsibilities that I have as an adult.
Like there's so many times that I miss my tax deadlines and so many times that I just struggled with basic self-care.
The Kaizen system is basically everything that I wish I had in the beginning, when I was drawing in real life.
And every feature that I created exists to take a load off from your executive function.
For example, we have an auto urgency calculator that handles decision making.
I often find it that calculating when I need to do things, at when and how so that I will hit my deadline, uses a lot of mental power.
And that makes me exhausted at the end of the day.
For normal people, planning is not that hard, right?
But like for me, that like reverse engineering was one of the hardest things that I could do in day.
So in our urgency calculator it looks at your deadlines and tells you what's due today, what's past due, what's on track, what you have to do next.
Essentially,
You don't need to waste energy figuring out what to focus on.
It does it for you.
You just look and know what you need to do exactly when.
We also even have like a time estimation feature where you track how long things you thought will take versus how long it took.
And after a while you actually develop a database for the tasks that you know on average how much you estimated versus how much it took.
It actually opened my eyes so much because, like I would estimate something would take three hours and when I looked into it It just only took 20 minutes.
So now I can plan accordingly.
When you do this, you actually develop a sense of time.
You stop relying on your brain's broken institution because now you're relying on data.
So my whole life motto is, instead of like trying to fix yourself and trying to act in a certain way, you gather data, look at it and then optimize from there.
You look at the patterns, you notice the patterns, and you plan and you strategize around that.
Because if you have ADHD, you're different than other people.
You cannot act like neurotypicals.
So why not keep trying to become someone that you're not?
I wish I actually created Kaizen earlier, because this approach genuinely changed my life and I genuinely became more accepting and more forgiving towards myself.
And it's actually not only to mine.
Like, let me show you some testimonials that we have and over 700 people are actually using Kaizen.
I get every single day very positive feedback from people saying that it literally changed their lives.
So if you're interested, go to my website, rudyohama.com and get Kaizen.
The link is also in the description below.
I'm sure you're going to love it.
And if you get it, you're also going to join to our Discord community, where we have over 200 people there.
And you can ask me questions.
You can ask questions about ADHD.
You can connect with others.
It's amazing.
There's actually more to understand about why this exhaustion exists.
It's not only about the executive functions, actually.
There's like another thing that is draining you, that you probably didn't even notice that you're doing, which is called masking.
So this is when someone with ADHD tries to cover up their symptoms by copying the behaviors of people who don't have it to fit in socially, like to appear normal, to not stand out in the wrong way.
Let me explain what this actually looks like in real life, because I actually didn't know what masking is until recently.
And I thought this was something that everyone was doing.
So for example, you're in a conversation.
Your brain wants to interrupt because you have thoughts.
And if you don't say it right now, you know you're going to forget it.
But interrupting is also rude.
So you're trying to suppress the urge to interrupt the other person and now you're using energy to hold back, while also trying to hold on the thought, while also trying to actually listen to what other person is saying.
So you're doing like multiple things at once.
Or let's say you're in a meeting.
You need to move.
Okay, for example, i cannot sit still in meetings and i'm literally like, even right now, like while filming a video, i'm like sitting like this, you don't see it, but I just can't sit normally, you know.
You want the fidget, you want to tap your foot, you want to move your body, but it's not really professional.
So you try to sit still, and sitting still when your body really wants to move requires energy to control that.
Like it literally takes like constant effort to act normal and not fidget.
Like you're not really relaxing or you're not just attending the meeting but you're also trying to control those impulses.
Like I remember, even in high school, I could not like sit still and we would have, like these, 90 minute lessons.
And back then I didn't know that I had ADHD.
I wasn't diagnosed back then.
And I would just like walk around my classroom and my teachers were understanding enough that they would just like let me walk.
And literally like during the lesson.
I would be like this in the back room, in the back of the classroom, like literally just walking while listening to the lesson that my teacher was giving.
And that would allow me to focus way better.
But in a lot of professional settings, you're not allowed to do that.
So trying to stop that impulse is exhausting.
And this is also something that I do quite a lot, which is like monitoring eye contact and trying to optimize the eye contact that you're giving.
When I'm talking, you know, even when I'm talking to camera, I cannot like look always into the lens, because I almost feel like it's your eye and looking into your eye right.
Like, so I look into other ways, I think, and I'm processing my thoughts.
And when I'm processing my thoughts, like I like to look around.
I don't know why I do that.
Oftentimes it's not really ideal.
So I try to keep an eye contact.
If I keep an eye contact, I'm just like really focused on that that I almost forget to listen to you.
Does that even make sense?
Like, so even keeping an optimal eye contact while listening to other people and while nodding and while smiling is so difficult.
If you would look into earlier videos of mine, I have no mimics at all, like zero mimics.
And I only learned to do some mimics and like smile here and there and like giggle here and there, because people said it's very weird.
And I even have a video of titled like why I don't laugh.
And the reason is there was nothing fun for me to laugh.
So that was the reason why I don't laugh.
That's the conclusion of the video.
But then I realized, oh shit, like normal people don't do that.
So I had to learn it.
You know, I had to learn to use mimics, gestures, like move my face to look natural.
It's literally masking.
Because if you would let me I would be just like a poker face talking to you like this.
But then people would be complaining so I would be talking like this.
But is this how I talk normally?
No.
And you know like, When you keep doing this masking, every single social interaction becomes exhausting, even when you like the people.
Even when you like the other person.
If you're constantly masking, if you're constantly trying to act, to behave in a certain way that is expected from you, just everything becomes exhausting, especially in professional settings, because they're less forgiving.
Like at some point I started to think, maybe I just hate people.
I just hate humans.
I don't like social interactions.
Maybe I'm just like anti-social or something like that.
Because every single day I would come back from school and I would tell my mom I fucking hate school.
My mom is literally there, by the way.
Anyway, why did I share this, for example?
I don't know anyway, and i realized that i actually don't hate humans and i actually quite like socializing when i made other ADHD friends as well as like accepting friends that let me act whatever way that i would want and they would not judge.
And suddenly nothing became exhausting.
You know, before i hang out with my friends, i was like ah, i really love them, but i really do not want to hang out with them, like it's so exhausting.
Even thinking about it's so exhausting and i would not know why.
Now i figured out why because i was masking the whole time.
When i'm about to meet someone that i do not need to mask, i don't feel exhausted.
I'm like i really i'm looking forward to hang out and i actually am.
So it's not that i am in anti-social or something, but i'm doing this constant masking.
And it might be the case for you as well.
And this doesn't mean actually you need to stop masking everywhere, like sometimes it's necessary.
Sometimes you definitely have to do that, especially in professional settings as well, you know.
But recognizing that you're doing it actually matters, and understanding that it costs energy matters so that you can take breaks afterwards.
And finding people and, you know, finding spaces that, where you don't have to mask, also allows you to recover from that, especially with your loved ones right, like with your partner, with your family, maybe with your kids, like if you understand that and if the other side also understands it, it just lifts up a lot of heavy weight that you're dealing with and it removes that like constant exhaustion.
Maybe in a workspace yes, you might feel exhausted, but at least after, when you come home, if the other person is understanding it, you will feel less exhausted at the end of the day.
And like other than this masking, on top of all of this, there's actually this like emotional load that is also causing this exhaustion, even when you didn't do much today, Because there's the voice in your head that's been there for years, maybe even decades.
The voice asking, why can I just do this?
Everyone does this normally.
No one is struggling with this.
This is just basic human act.
Like what the hell is wrong with me?
That is the question that I always ask myself.
Like even just planning, even just figuring out what I need to do today, or even just, you know, controlling the impulse, or just sitting still listening to other person which is trying to hold my thoughts.
Why the heck do I struggle with this?
And you know, you probably have been hearing this internally from yourself, or maybe from your parents, maybe from your teachers, maybe from your boss.
They're telling you, like, you're lazy.
You're not trying hard enough.
Or why can't you just do this?
Or this is so easy.
Why do you struggle with this?
You're not even trying.
You're undisciplined.
You have so much potential that you're wasting.
And after hearing this, whether that's externally or internally, you start to believe it.
You internalize it.
You carry this causal, low-grade shame that something is fundamentally broken in you and you're less than other people.
It's almost like you're faking competence and someday people will figure out that this incompetence that you have, that you're trying to cover up, because that's literally how i felt every single day as a kid.
I would have external achievements, but at home i would just struggle with basic needs.
But because i had external structure, like my parents, i was able to handle that.
But in my adulthood, when i started to live alone now I'm just not even able to clean my kitchen.
And I would feel like oh my God, I wish no one would figure this about me, because externally I'm very successful, but I'm actually struggling with basic human tasks.
And this like creates actually a shame about yourself, right?
Like I didn't even recognize that I was actually feeling shame towards myself.
And you carry this everywhere.
It's not just like mental fatigue from cognitive overload or doom scrolling.
It's actually this like emotional fatigue.
It's this executive function fatigue that creates just living normally or trying to mask socially to fit in with other people and you not recognizing it.
This actually fatigue.
This exhaustion comes from living life, essentially just going through days feeling like you're failing at being a normal human, and most people don't even recognize this, why they are exhausted, because it's literally been there so long.
It feels like just the part who you are, like you are tired all the time, like when i figured this out, it made so much sense.
And when you understand adhd, when you create external systems and when you also create support systems around you and you talk with your loved ones and explain to them, it creates it like really lifts up this burden.
And if you want to like start actually applying something and create external systems to have a system to manage your life, then i really recommend you to check out my kaizen system.
Like i'm not saying this as a sneaky salesman, but I really created this for myself and it really works and it changed my life so much that I really believe that it's going to also take up a lot of mental space from you.
So if you're interested, check out my website, rudyohama.com.
But you know, at the same time, I want to talk about the nuance and also give a disclaimer.
If you watch all of this and you're thinking like yeah, I relate to some of that, sometimes that might be literally just modern life.
OK, don't get me wrong.
It can be stress.
It can be burnout.
It can be being overwhelmed or it can be living at a job that you don't like.
And that might be causing this exhaustion.
And that's totally valid as well.
But if something in you is going like wait, this is actually my entire life, like not just when I'm stressed or I'm not even, you know, I'm working at a job that I like and I'm surrounded with people that I like.
I'm getting enough sleep, but I'm still exhausted.
If this is your baseline, and not just only during the busy periods, and it's also across every context of your life, not just personal life or just professional life, then this might be more than just being tired or the modern life essentially.
I'm not diagnosing you through a screen, and I'm not saying that you have ADHD.
I'm not encouraging you to self-diagnose yourself.
Because a lot of people who think they have ADHD actually don't have it.
It's just a lifestyle issue.
At the same time, a lot of people who actually have it think they don't have it because of those people.
What I'm saying is, if this resonated deeply, not that all like, that's like relatable, that's everyone, but like you're more like.
Oh my God, this is literally describing my brain.
This is literally that I have been struggling since I was a kid.
Then it might be worth getting a diagnosis or visiting a psychiatrist talking about these issues.
But at the same time, depending on where you live, getting a professional diagnosis, going to a psychiatrist, getting an appointment, might not be as straightforward as it is.
It might take time or it might be expensive.
If it's accessible, definitely pursue it.
But if diagnosis isn't accessible right now, I want you to understand something that is important understanding your brain doesn't necessarily require diagnosis.
Like you would only need diagnosis if you're gonna take adhd medication.
But for majority of my life i didn't take adhd medication, but still, by understanding my adhd, my patterns, and building systems around it and building a support system and building an understanding around it, it really improved my life.
There are even researchers showing that actually like, therapy and building external systems work more efficiently than just taking medication.
So you can have a better life even without an official piece of paper or a diagnosis, like even without medication.
The point of everything that i explained in this video isn't to give you a label, but it's to give you an understanding, and understanding is only useful if at least adaptation like not making excuses, but adaptation and the change in behavior only starts after you understand something.
If you know your executive function is weak, you externalize.
You stop relying on your brain to do things it struggles with.
If you know your memory is limited and you are getting overwhelmed easily, then you capture everything immediately.
You stop trying to hold things in your head.
If you know masking drains you, try to find people that you don't have to mask.
Or you understand that you're masking and you give yourself a little bit of extra time to get back into normal.
You take rests.
You know.
If you know you've been carrying shame for years, you start to separate who you are from how your brain works and you start to give yourself more compassion.
Like this isn't really about like using ADHD as an excuse or really helping you to self-diagnose yourself, or something like that.
It's literally the opposite.
It's about taking responsibility for understanding how your brain works and building a life around it.
And it's definitely not easy, okay?
You will probably work harder than other people in some ways.
You'll need structures neurotypical people don't need.
You'll have to be patient with yourself.
You'll need to develop self-understanding that most people never even bother with.
And one last thing everything that I talked about today ADHD is one explanation of this kind of exhaustion.
But it's not actually the only one.
Chronic fatigue that doesn't make sense can also come from things like narcolepsy, type 2, sleep apnea, gut issues, thyroid problems and other conditions that often go undiagnosed for years because the symptoms are invisible.
So if you tried everything and you're still running on empty, please see a professional, okay?
Because it might not be ADHD, even though it can be highly likely, because you deserve to stop fighting so hard just to exist.
And if you want a support system, check out my Kaizen system, okay?
Go to my website, rudyohama.com.
Like, I worked so hard on it, okay?
I'm still working on it.
I'm still improving.
Like, I got so many messages on Discord asking for help.
So I'm gonna do that.
So check out rudyohama.com.
And if you want to learn more about my experience of taking ADHD medication, then watch this video next.
See ya!
