The following podcast is a dear media production.
Hello, welcome to or welcome back to Try Not To Care.
If you're new here, hello, my name is Ashley.
I post every single Monday, and we just sit down and we yap for like 30 to 40 minutes.
It's a really good way to start the week off.
If this is your first impression of me, so sorry.
This is gonna be a little TMI.
We're getting real close, real fast.
This past week, I decided to take a candida cleanse because I saw a girl on TikTok say that if you have like a white cast on your tongue, if you have brain fog, you could have too much yeast production.
And I was like, frick, I think I have too much yeast production.
So I bought the candida cleanse, I start taking it.
And it didn't register in my mind what a cleanse is.
And I'm basically taking laxative.
So I'm going to have to get up throughout this episode a few times to run to the ladies room.
But that's luckily that's not what we're talking about today.
I just wanted to overshare a little start the episode off with a little oversharing.
What I actually wanted to talk about.
Well, let's start at the beginning of why I wanted to record this episode.
So the other day, I'm stalking myself on Instagram as every hot girl does.
And I get to like 2021, 2022.
And from someone else's perspective, it would look like I had my shit together.
I was posting like every day, if not every day, like every other day, super aesthetic photos.
And it's crazy to look at that.
Because like at that time, I was at my lowest, I was so not financially secure.
I was so depressed.
I had little to no friends.
And I was like driving to go to like coffee shops and go on hot girl walks and take these very calculated photos to make it look like I was living a life that I wasn't, because I wanted to be an influencer so bad that I was trying to sell this lifestyle.
I was trying to make people think that I already was living like that when in reality, I wasn't.
And I would argue that I'm now living the life that I was trying to emulate a couple years ago.
Like I'm doing podcasting and content creation full time.
I'm financially secure.
I have amazing friends, I have an amazing boyfriend, I'm so happy.
But now that I'm happy and I have all these things, I don't post that much.
And I wish I posted more because it is my job.
But I'm just so much more focused on being present and, you know, prioritizing my mental health and my well being.
And my content suffers because of it.
And through stalking my Instagram and thinking about all this, I started thinking like, what is more important?
How my life looks or how my life feels?
And that's kind of just what I want to talk about today with you.
I think the reason why so many of us struggle with just enjoying our lives is because we're constantly comparing it to others.
Comparison is quite literally the thief of joy.
Like think about when you were a kid and you enjoyed just doing what you like to do.
You enjoyed playing outside, playing video games, hanging out with your friends, watching your favorite show.
Granted, you didn't have any major responsibilities or stressors like a job or paying bills.
But a huge reason you were happy was because that was your main priority.
Having fun and being happy.
You didn't care about what others were doing.
You probably didn't even think about it.
You weren't playing in the sandbox, thinking like, I wonder what Jill from from my first grade class is doing right now.
Like that's not something that you think about.
Now, as we've gotten older and social media has become such a big thing, we're able to see into other people's lives by just going to their profile.
But we forget that everything we see is curated.
We're only seeing what people want us to see.
We're not seeing the good and the bad, and even the good that we're seeing might not be everything that it seems.
So we look at other people and what they're doing.
And then we compare it to what we're doing.
We see someone buying a new car or succeeding at their job or going out with their friends or going to concerts and traveling the world.
And then we think, wow, I'm not doing any of that.
I can't afford that.
My life's lame and I'm a failure.
We get so in our heads and allow our ego to drive us to almost like, try to make up for these things that we think we lack.
And instead of brushing it off and being like, it's okay that I'm not doing these things.
I don't need to be doing these things.
I don't even want to be doing these things.
We think, well, people like these things.
People think this is cool.
This is what everyone's doing.
So I should be doing that too.
I want people to like me.
I want people to follow me online.
I want to have a following.
I want to have friends.
I want people to be interested in me.
So I'm going to make my life look like something that it's not.
Yes, there are people online that are very truthful and they're not putting up a front.
Like maybe they are just really happy or maybe their life is exactly what it seems.
But a lot of social media is curated.
Think about when you've gone to a party and it was super lame or you just wish you were home, but you posted on your story how fun it was and you're like, last night was a movie.
Last night was so much fun when it obviously wasn't.
Have you ever been in a toxic relationship and posted a photo with your boyfriend?
You're like, oh my god, I love our little life through thick and thin.
But you're actually fighting, but you want everyone else to think that you have this beautiful relationship.
I've experienced both of these situations and I know what it feels like to be on both sides.
I've gone to a party and I've had a lousy time, but I still post it as if I had the best night of my life.
And I've also been that person who was left out and my friends went out without me and I viewed their stories and I had crazy FOMO wishing I was there.
I think a good example of this was my experience in Palm Springs this past April.
I had always wanted to go to Coachella and Coachella events and Revolve Fests in particular because I grew up watching celebrities and influencers go to them and when I would see them go, I thought like, oh it's so exclusive and these people are so successful.
And I thought if I ever got invited, then I would be successful and I would have such a good time and it would be so amazing and something that I could cross off my bucket list.
So this past April I got invited and I went to Revolve Fest and a few Coachella events and I was so excited for Revolve Fest in particular.
And I'm so grateful that I got the opportunity to go, I just want to say that.
But when I went, it was just so different than what you see online.
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I was under the impression that it was like this huge festival because that's what it looks like when people post on Instagram.
Now I know that a lot of people will post the Ferris wheel from Coachella and then tag Revolve Fest.
So like I was under the impression that Revolve Fest is like this huge thing, but when I got there, you walk in and it's like a county fair, like very small fairgrounds with some food and then just a bunch of brands trying to sell you their products or have you post their products.
And I had talked to a few creators that were there and had gone previous years and they were like, oh yeah, like every year it gets smaller and smaller, like this is awful.
But then you see them posting the next couple days about how amazing it was.
Throughout my week in Palm Springs, I was just posting photos and videos acting as if I was having the best time ever when obviously there were good moments, but the majority of the time I was just very very anxious and not having a good time.
I was struggling really hard with my mental health.
I was struggling with my body image.
I was homesick. My friend and I weren't getting along, like I just wasn't having a good time and I was posting so differently than how I actually felt and how things actually were.
And I could have definitely continued posting that way and making it seem like I was having the best time ever and just showcasing what it's like to be an influencer and the good parts of influencing because there are so many and like I said, I'm so grateful.
But that Saturday before Revolve Fest, I think I hit my breaking point and all my emotions came to the surface and I just broke down crying and I decided to vlog that and the reason I vlogged it and the reason I posted it was because I wanted to show like, yes, I'm so grateful for these opportunities and it's
so amazing that I'm here but just because I'm here doesn't take away how I actually feel.
Like people online can make it seem like they're having the best time in the world and they're so happy but behind closed doors they're actually struggling and it was just to show that social media is such a highlight reel.
Like you only see what people want you to see and I'm really proud of myself for breaking down that wall and just like being open and honest with not only my audience but anyone who sees my videos because there's been times in my past where I didn't do that and I cared more about what my life looked
like or what I looked like than how I was actually feeling.
Like it was more important to me to come across as someone who is super successful and has an amazing life than someone who is successful and is living an amazing life.
Like if I didn't post that video and I just posted the highlight reels of my trip, people could look at that and look at me the way that I used to look at influencers and be like, wow, like I'm so jealous, I wish I was there, I wish my life looked like hers when like I wasn't even having a good time
and it's so funny because the moments where I was having the best time and I was so happy there's like no evidence of it.
Like my friend that I've been friends with for 10 plus years that's a long time but we barely have any photos or videos together because when we're together we're not thinking like let's make videos, let's take photos, we're just living the moment, laughing our asses off and like with my boyfriend now
we've been together for seven years and it's so healthy but we barely have any photos or videos together but my ex where that relationship was so toxic, we had so many photos together because I wanted to post pictures of us on my Instagram to show people or make people think that we were so in love
and so happy when we weren't and people might look at my profile now and be like why don't you have any photos of josh like are you guys together and they might question our connection but we're always having the best time and our relationship is beautiful we're just not showcasing that online and that's
not to say that people who post their boyfriend or post their friends are doing it for any other reason than they want to.
I'm just saying that like just because you see something that looks amazing doesn't mean it is and just because you don't post something doesn't mean that it's awful or that like you're lacking something.
Social media is not real life, social media is a highlight reel.
It can be a good thing, it can be a tool to help people inspire others and talk about important topics and to open up a conversation to make you feel less alone and to validate you but a lot of social media is curated.
A lot of social media especially now with influencers being such a big thing is a way for people to sell you a product or sell you a lifestyle and they want to sell you their course on how you can live just like them even though they aren't even living that way.
I'm not gonna sit here and be like social media is bad because it's quite literally my job and I think social media got me out of a really hard place when I hit rock bottom.
It gave me the opportunity to express myself and it's an outlet for me to create and I feel like I found my spark because of social media but I also think the reason why I have such a good relationship with social media now is because I can recognize that it's not always what it seems.
At the end of the day when I log off my social media, when I get off my phone, it doesn't matter how luxurious and amazing I make my online presence to be, it doesn't matter how amazing my life might appear to other people, I have to live the reality of it.
I can make my life look really amazing but I have to actually live it whether it is or not.
I think it hit me that if my social media would be deleted tomorrow would my online presence matter?
Would people actually care what I'm doing?
Would people be sitting around being like I wonder if Ashley's had her coffee today?
I wonder if Ashley has gotten a bunch of brand deals?
Like no one would care so if no one would care why am I sacrificing my happiness for something that's temporary?
Why should I care what my life looks like for people who don't have to live my life?
Like if you don't like how my life looks, if you don't like what I'm doing, don't follow me.
Don't look at my stories.
Don't be my friend.
Like it's my life, it's not yours.
You don't have to live it, so why does it matter to you?
The same thing when it comes to how you just live your life.
I grew up thinking that I needed to go to college and if I don't get a certain type of job then I'm a failure and then there's all this like societal pressure to be engaged by this time and be married by this time and buy a house by this time and have kids before you're 35 and all those things are great if you
want to do them. If those are important to you but you shouldn't feel like you have to do them all because you think it'll make you look more mature or more successful or you'll look like you're living the dream because yeah you're living a dream but you're living someone else's.
You're not living yours.
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Check it out now let's get back to the episode.
What I'm getting at is if you relate to this, if this resonates with you, if you've felt like you've been living a life for other people, ask yourself am I more focused on making it look like I'm really happy and thriving or am I focused on actually being that way?
What is more important to me?
Would you rather live a life that looks super cool but you're dissatisfied and super depressed or live a life where you're happy and super proud of yourself but other people are impressed by you?
Wouldn't you rather live a life that isn't super glamorous and you're not posting it everywhere but you feel so successful and you're so happy with how your life looks and how your life feels?
I'm going to ask you this question and I want you to be real with yourself.
What would your life feel like if you started doing what you actually wanted to do and didn't care what other people thought about you?
When I quit my job at the beginning of 2022, people could have absolutely looked at me and been like wow she really is at rock bottom.
She's at her lowest because I was technically unemployed.
I was doing like Depop, Instacart.
I was working with any brands that would work with me but I technically was unemployed and I was literally that meme you see of people that's like your unemployed friend at 2 p .m.
in the afternoon like doing the wildest things.
During that time, people could have looked at me and been like you're insane, you're losing your mind, you're so immature, like who do you think you are trying to do social media at a brisk what was I 23, 24.
People could have thought that I was throwing my life away and going down the wrong path but I was waking up when I wanted to.
I was going for morning walks listening to self -improvement podcasts.
I was going swimming, I was hanging out with my dogs, I was cooking in the middle of the day, I was creating content that made me happy, I was reading, I was recording the podcast, I was exercising, I was spending more time with my family, with my boyfriend and I felt good.
But before I quit my job and I was working at the elementary school and I was using my degree and I was working with children, people could have looked at me and been like wow you're so successful, you're really on the right path, you're doing everything great but I was miserable.
If I continued at that job just because it looked good and it was making my parents proud and people were saying kind things to me and I was doing all the things right, my mental health would have suffered so bad.
The main reason I left that job was because my mental health was so bad and it's like why am I going to stay at a job and why am I going to continue living my life for other people just to satisfy them.
Why does it matter what I'm doing with my life?
Why does their idea of success matter so much to me?
What about my idea of success?
When I think of successful, I think of living a life that's balanced.
Working but also living.
Waking up and being excited to be alive.
Feeling like you're either living your life purpose or working towards it and my purpose wasn't working at that school.
My purpose at that time wasn't using my degree.
I truly think you will feel your most successful when you live in alignment with your purpose.
Whatever that is, you might not know exactly what your purpose is but you know what makes you feel good.
You know what you like, you know what you want to do.
The more that you go against what you want to do, the worse you're going to feel.
You might make others happy.
You might satisfy others.
You might make them feel more comfortable but it doesn't matter because they're not living your life.
It doesn't matter what they want.
Success isn't about what your parents want.
It's not what your Instagram feed looks like or how many followers you have or what car you drive or how much money is in your bank account.
Success is making yourself proud and living aligned with what matters to you.
Success can be working on your mental health.
It can be finally having a good relationship with food.
It can be volunteering.
It can be posting silly videos on the internet.
It can be working in a coffee shop and allowing yourself time to go out with your friends afterwards.
Like success can literally be just living a balanced life where you feel happy.
I hope that this episode reminds you to not worry so much about what others are doing because at the end of the day it doesn't matter.
They're living their life.
You're living your life and what they're doing regardless of if it's what the masses think is really cool or really successful, you should be doing what you think is really cool and really successful.
And don't compare yourself so much to what others are doing because for all you know the life that they're presenting online or presenting to you might not even be the life that they're living.
After this episode I want you to think about like what do you consider successful?
Like what would your life look like right now if you were doing more of what you actually wanted to do?
Don't think so much about what you think you should be doing or what others are doing.
What do you want to be doing?
What would you be doing if you felt amazing?
If you felt successful?
If you felt on top of the world what would you be doing?
I would love if you shared it with me.
You can share on Spotify under this episode.
You can DM me. However you feel like you want to share it I would love to hear.
Like I said before I do feel like I'm living the life that I've always wanted to but there's always room to improve and moving forward I just want to live a more balanced life.
I'm so fortunate to be able to do this as a job but I need to be able to separate working and just living my life and I want to be more present because when I think of my highest self I'm really good at connecting and building connections and having deep conversations and just having really good relationships
in my life is important to me and I know that would make me feel the best so I'm gonna work really hard at that and just try to be more present and just enjoy my life so much more rather than feeling like I have to film it.
I have to show people what I'm doing because at the end of the day people should be more focused on what they're doing rather than what everyone else is doing.
That is where I'm going to end today's episode.
I hope you enjoyed it.
I hope that I was able to help you in some way.
If you loved it make sure to give Trena to care a five -star review.
Let me know your thoughts on Spotify, Instagram, TikTok, wherever you can find me.
Let me know. All of my socials are in the show notes.
The sponsors of today's episode is in the show notes.
Everything good is in the show notes.
As always thank you so much for listening Besties.
I love you so much and I will talk to you next Monday.
Goodbye Besties.
