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Taxes and fees extra. What is cookie jarring in the dating world?
Thanks for asking. Do you have an ex who seems to always get back in touch whenever they're feeling lonely and have no one else in their sights?
Well, how about this? Perhaps you had a crush on someone and that person played along, taking you out from time to time, only to eventually tell you they've finally hooked up with another person they'd been in love with for ages, but never told you about.
Well, if either of those scenarios sounds familiar, you may well have been a victim of cookie jarring.
Think about how you might reach out for an actual cookie when you're looking for a pick-me-up.
Well, according to an NBC News article on the subject, when you get cookie jarred in the dating world, The other person reaches out to you when they're not sure where their other relationship is going or the person they're pursuing isn't available.
You're basically being kept as a backup option, without even realising you're not first choice.
Psychologist Catalina Lawson is quoted in that NBC article.
She says that people who cookie jar others are often already in a long-term relationship. or at the beginning of a promising one.
What forms can cookie jarring take? Someone might turn to you after being rejected by someone else or when things are not going well with their partner and they're having doubts about whether that relationship will last.
If you suspect you may be getting cookie jarred, ask yourself these questions.
Are they taking as much initiative as you in maintaining the relationship?
Have they made any effort to integrate you into their life and daily routine?
Do they talk about the future with you? On the other hand, potential red flags include them being vague about their romantic situation, avoiding making definite plans and only asking to see you on the spur of the moment.
In the modern world, it's not uncommon to date multiple people to see where it leads.
After all, we've got access to more potential partners than at any other time in history.
But that's no excuse for cookie-jarring.
If you and your partner both want something casual, that's fine, but it should be consensual at least.
Those who cookie jar tend not to be honest about their intentions or feelings.
They often fear being alone. Maybe things aren't even clear to them in their own heads.
How can I avoid being cookie-jarred? It might sound a bit cliché, but communication is key.
Ask the person you're seeing about their feelings and what they envision for the future.
You can also express your own feelings using nonviolent communication, saying things like, when you do this, I feel like that.
Rather than attacking with accusations, if the person dismisses you, minimizes what they're doing or invalidates your feelings, you should consider whether the relationship is really worth it.
Asking questions about your partner's investment and communicating is nothing new.
But in reality, neither is cookie-jarring.
Whereas some toxic dating behaviours like ghosting are specifically associated with online dating and social media...
Cookie jarring has been going on forever, but putting a name on it helps pinpoint certain problematic behaviours and identify why they make us feel uncomfortable.
There you have it. Now you know what cookie jarring is.
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