Let's begin this episode with a story.
I have a little crush right now, okay?
A little crush.
And when I say a little crush, I literally mean a little crush.
This is a crush so little that it will never leave the confines of my mind, okay?
I will never pursue this man in real life.
This is simply a little crush for my brain to enjoy in this moment of being newly single.
This is just a little something for my single brain to chew on and nothing more.
I will never date this man in real life.
I can almost...
100% promise you that.
I can like 98% promise you that.
Why?
Because there are so many variables in place that make it so that I should never be with this man, probably can never be with this man.
Like it just doesn't make sense.
But here's the deal.
I see him all the time in passing.
I see him multiple times a week and you want to know the craziest part?
I have never spoken to him.
Never once.
It's very clear that this person is shy.
Apparently, I'm shy too.
I cannot talk to him.
In fact, I can't even look at him.
I've barely ever even made eye contact with him.
I've only ever looked at him from afar and been like, wow, really handsome.
And then the second his head moves to where maybe he could slightly see me, I look away.
Now, this is an issue.
I need to get comfortable with talking to boys.
And even more than that, maybe flirting a little with boys.
I don't even know how to make eye contact with him.
How am I supposed to talk to him?
Now, I know what some of you are thinking.
Emma, he's not talking to you either.
True.
And I've thought about it a lot.
Is that a red flag in a guy if they don't initiate sex?
I don't think it is.
I don't know.
I'm actually really conflicted about it.
I don't know if it's a red flag or not.
On one hand it's like for me.
Personally, I do prefer a guy to be forward with me to make the first move.
I prefer that.
I kind of need that.
I can't even make eye contact with a guy that I sort of a little bit have a crush on, that I will never date.
Like, if I can't make eye contact with a guy where there's no stakes, like obviously I can't make the first move with a guy where maybe there are stakes, because maybe I actually might like this guy.
You know what I mean?
Imagine.
So I really rely on the guy to make the first move.
So for me, is it a red flag if they don't?
Well, kind of up until this point, because we just probably won't speak.
But on the other hand, maybe it's a red flag.
Maybe it's my red flag that I'm afraid to talk to them.
What does that say about me?
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Now back to the episode.
If I were to look inward, why can't I make the first move?
Why can't I?
Fear of rejection.
That's it.
And I actually know where it stems back to or where it stems from.
Stems from high school.
This guy I had a crush on at a beach bonfire decided that he was going to make out with me that night.
Lucky me.
Well, at the time I was very inexperienced and very very, very frightened by boys, which clearly I still am, perhaps because of this experience.
So he like walked me.
He actually carried me.
It was very bizarre.
He like picked me up and carried me kind of as a joke but whatever into kind of a private area behind some rocks at the beach, started making out with me and I didn't know what to do and I clearly did not perform well.
And he very quickly stepped back, looked at me, looked disgusted, turned around and walked away and left me there by myself to just rot.
I have never been the same from, wait, this just got so deep.
No, but I have never been the same.
And now I'm so afraid of making the first move or like doing anything, because I'm like I don't want to ever feel that feeling again.
And there's a potential to feel that feeling if you put a little effort in.
Make a little flirty little eye at a guy, you know?
I'm like scared to look at this guy that I have a little crush on and maybe like smirk a little.
Would I ever do that?
I don't even know if that, is that even a thing people do?
I don't even know.
But I'm afraid to like even open anything up because I'm so afraid of rejection.
And again, this is with a guy that I will never date.
Like I'm not gonna date this man.
It's just fun for my brain.
But I can't make any sort of first move because I'm so afraid of feeling rejected rejected.
Another reason why I'm afraid is because I'm not confident in my flirting skills necessarily.
If someone's flirting with me and the banter is so good and they're really steering the ship, I can banter easily.
No problem.
If somebody's good at it, I can be good at it.
But if somebody's not great at it or not super forward with it, I don't know how to steer the ship.
And I think that that would be a nice thing to know how to do.
I think it would be nice to feel confident in my flirting skills as like an initiator.
Because who knows what shy wonderful guys I'm missing out on, because I'm too afraid to do a little flirt first and see what happens.
It's confusing because I know I have it in me to flirt.
Right.
I do.
Because if somebody's flirting with me really hard, like I'm there, I can show up.
But they have to really be into me.
I have to like know it has.
They have to like basically be like yelling in my face, like I'm obsessed with you and I need to be with you and I need to see your body.
Like I like I need that.
I need it to be very clear.
And I think that is maybe holding me back from exploring potential options that could be actually really wonderful options.
Who knows, right?
And so I've decided it's time for me to learn how to flirt.
I want to learn how to take initiative.
Because here's the thing, I am very outgoing.
Talking to people, conversating with people.
It can sometimes be exhausting for me, but I'm good at it, I think.
I think I'm pretty good at it.
Like I avoid awkward moments.
I'm good at, you know, like the talking itself is not what I'm nervous about.
It's getting a little flirty.
That's what scares me.
But see, the thing is, when it comes to talking to boys, I get intimidated to just talk normally to boys, feeling like wait well, what if there's an opportunity to flirt?
And I don't take it.
So then it just psychs me out altogether.
I think I'm not going to talk to this crush that I see multiple times a week and immediately start flirting with him.
This is more just symbolic of the work that needs to be done, which is, I think, If I felt more confident in my flirting skills, if I felt more well-rounded, then perhaps I would be not intimidated by walking up and going for it.
And I know that like a lot of flirting and stuff is intuitive.
It kind of needs to be intuitive, but I genuinely don't know what to do.
Like I don't know what to do if someone else is not guiding the situation, and I genuinely want to learn.
To start, I thought we would take a quiz.
I just love taking online quizzes, to be honest.
I think it's so fun.
It's a weird thing that I like to do, but I like to do it.
And so we're going to do it and we're going to see.
We're going to test my baseline flirting ability because it's like I can share with you all how I think I am.
But let's have a random quiz from the Internet.
Tell me how good I am.
You know what I mean?
Okay, first question, pick an opening line.
Option one, is it just me or did the room get a little brighter when you walked in?
No one's ever said that.
I will never say that.
It's, stop.
Next, have we met?
No, we should fix that.
That's pretty bad too.
Well, it's also like, have we met?
No, we should fix that.
It's like well, now you're meeting, you know you already, now you've already met, because now you're talking.
So, but that one, maybe.
Next, is this seat taken?
Do you want it to be?
That one's actually not that bad.
Like if you really pulled it off, it's a little corny, but like, that's not terrible.
Okay, next.
Are you a camera?
Because I see you and can't help but smile.
Like no one's ever said that.
So it's between have we met?
No, we should fix that.
And is this seat taken?
Do you want it to be?
I like is this seat taken?
Do you want it to be?
I could see myself doing that sarcastically and the guy cringing a little but being like, oh she's cringe.
But it's like charming.
Like she's being silly with that one.
Being like, have we met?
No, we should fix that.
That's kind of.
I don't know.
That one might not come off as cute.
Okay, next.
How much eye contact do you use when you flirt?
I actually would say I'm pretty normal with the eye contact.
I'm not somebody who's gonna like stare into the eyes unless I'm like really drunk.
And I don't drink anymore.
See, that's complicated things too.
Whoa, that just added a whole new dimension.
I'm going to have an existential crisis because every other time I've ever been single, it's been hard enough for me to like get out there and really flirt and really go for it.
And that was with alcohol.
Now I'm sober.
You know what?
It's going to be an incredible growth experience.
And for that reason, it's totally fine.
Okay.
Back to the question at hand.
How much eye contact do I use when I flirt?
Well, when I am flirting, I would say the eye contact's normal.
I don't overdo it unless I'm like really drunk and it's like really a moment.
But for the most part, I would say normal eye contact.
It's the same as like how I would make eye contact anyway.
Okay.
Next question, what's your go-to style of flirting?
Option one, make sure to drop lots of flattering sweet compliments.
Option two, tend to use humor and my quick wit to draw them in.
Option three, honestly just focus on holding the conversation and see where it goes from there.
Option four, I do pretty much anything to get their attention and then keep it however I can.
I would say the most me would be either the humor one or just focus on holding the conversation and seeing where it goes.
I would say I usually try to use humor, which can be good and bad.
It can be good if we're working with somebody who's funny.
It can be bad if we're dealing with somebody who maybe isn't so funny.
So it's like hard to bounce off of them.
Perhaps like, I don't know, they're not getting it.
So I'm going to say humor because that's what I like to do if it works out.
Okay, next.
Choose your favorite physical way of flirting.
Ooh, scares me.
Option one, sly suave wink at just the right moment.
No one does that.
Like I would maybe do that.
Like I'm trying to imagine, is there any world where I would do that?
Maybe as a joke, as a joke, maybe, but even I don't think I would ever do that.
And I would probably do that if I was like friends with a guy that I wanted to flirt with.
Like if we had been friends for six months and the crush developed, and then it's like okay, a little funny wink maybe, but not, that's weird.
Nobody actually does that.
Seriously, I feel like maybe I'm wrong.
Next option, accidentally brushing hands together for a moment of contact.
I would do that.
Yeah, next option sorry, I just had a memory of when somebody, of when one of my exes did that to me and it made me kind of sad, but like, not that sad, but like it, just it brought back a memory.
Let me be nostalgic moving on.
Next, shifting in my seat to face them and give them all my attention I would do that.
And lastly, biting my lip super seductively, seductively Again, no one does that.
I wouldn't even do that in the most seductive of moment.
Like I, it could be, I can guarantee you this.
I will be on my deathbed and I will have never bit my lip seductively seriously.
Like I will be, I will look back at my most sexist sex.
I will look back at the most, oh my God, wow, Emma had sex that day.
Like that was the day Emma had the most sex she ever had.
And I will have not bit my lip.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like that will never happen.
So I would say the most likely thing I would do, I think before I'd even be confident enough to brush the hands together for a moment of contact, I would probably shift in my seat to face them.
I do that anyway.
Like that's just who I am.
So maybe actually that's not flirting because I just would do that.
I would do that with a guy and I'd do that with an old woman I met on a bus, or You know what I'm saying.
So I'm going to say accidentally brushing our hands together, because that's actually flirting, whereas the other one's not.
Okay, next.
How close to the other person do you like to be when you flirt?
Option one, super close as long as they're comfortable with it.
I like to have each other's full attention.
Option two, close enough to touch them if the moment feels right.
Like we're good friends.
Option three, I like to keep a respectful distance away, like a table between us.
Honestly, that's clearly me right now.
Option four, I'll flirt from across the room if I have to.
I like a challenge.
I would say in an ideal world, how close would I like to be?
I would say not super close.
I don't like being super close.
It's a little bit too much for me.
I would say close enough to touch them.
Cause I think like being a table length away.
Listen, that sounds wonderful because I'm so afraid of flirting.
But I think in an ideal world, if I'm flirting with somebody and the vibe is good, I mean I want to be close enough to touch them.
What the fuck?
Next question.
Do you like to make the first move?
No.
Okay.
Easy one.
Next.
Do you like having a wingman to help set you up?
Yes.
Oh my God.
I forgot about this.
Yes, I can't.
It is so hard for me to flirt alone.
I am so guilty of like having a friend next to me and like bouncing off of them and like using them as a crutch.
It's so bad and I need to stop.
So I'm answering sometimes it helps.
I won't lie.
Next question.
How do you usually feel when someone attractive is nearby?
Option one, someone attractive.
You mean me?
I feel totally comfortable wherever I go.
Option two, they're definitely on my radar, but I keep it casual, normal.
It's no big deal.
Next, I might get a little nervous, but I think I keep it together pretty well.
And last, I feel like they're competition and there can only be one winner.
Oh, wait, but why are you competing with somebody you're attracted to?
Oh, what?
Okay.
Well, I think the answer that seems to be resonating most is they're definitely on my radar, but I keep it casual, normal.
It's no big deal.
But sometimes I'm like too casual, too normal, too no big deal, to the point where it's like I'm like not even like looking at them.
Okay, next.
Be honest and no judgment.
Have you ever lied about your interests to impress someone else?
No.
Well, I mean, like maybe when I was eight, because let me tell you, I have been in a cycle of having a crush consistently since I was literally four years old.
Like I have barely ever had a break.
I love having a crush.
I always have a crush.
It's just who I am.
That's why I have a crush right now.
That's like not even somebody that I actually should ever be with, because I just always have to have a crush.
And right now, for whatever reason, this guy has just become my crush.
But, like it could, I will drop it in a second if I, if something that actually makes sense comes around.
But I, just for my brain, for whatever reason, need to always have a crush.
I've always had a crush.
It's who I am.
Yeah, I don't need to lie.
Like these days I'm not lying.
That's weird.
Okay next.
Who do you usually flirt with?
Option one I usually only flirt with my date.
Option two I tend to flirt with total strangers.
Option three I mostly flirt with people I've known for a little while.
Option four I'll flirt with just about anyone who seems interesting.
I would say I mostly flirt with people I've known for a little while, for sure.
Mainly people I'm dating who I know like me.
And even flirting with somebody I'm dating can be hard.
No, well, maybe not hard.
But once you're dating, the flirting changes.
It's not the same type.
So then it's kind of in a different category.
Okay, next question.
Choose a way to impress someone you're flirting with.
Option one, recite a classic romantic poem from memory.
That is hell to me.
Hell.
Who?
No.
That is no.
To me, that's a little, maybe a little cringe.
And I'm very afraid of being cringe on accident, you know?
Like I don't ever want to be.
It's not even It's cringe, because it's a little performative, you know.
But then again, I don't want to be, like, rude.
If somebody... you know, memorized a poem and wants to share it.
Like, who am I to judge, right?
But if I were to do it, it would feel performative.
And so that's why I think it would be cringe.
Okay, next.
I bring up a tiny detail they mentioned earlier to show them that I'm paying close attention.
That's me coded.
Option three, I do something small and polite, like hold the door or pay for their meal.
I would also do that.
Option four I show them one of my special skills, like tying a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue.
Um, see that it would be nice to have some sort of like little, like subtly almost kind of like hot little thing like that.
I don't have that um, so that's definitely not.
I mean, I'd love to do that, but see, that also, I feel like would be performative if I were to do it.
So uh no, I would say, the most me is bringing up a.
And last question do you like to give gifts to the other person to win them over?
No, gift giving is not my love language at all.
So no, like I already get anxiety about giving gifts.
If it was to somebody I had a crush on, like no.
Okay, let's see my results.
Oh, it says you've got natural charm.
You're not a huge flirter true, but you've got tons of charisma and you tend to charm the people you meet anyway,
Sometimes you're probably not even aware you're doing it.
That's so nice.
And I needed to hear that.
I like start crying because I'm so scared of flirting.
When you flirt with someone, they tend to have fun just talking to you and seeing what you'll say next.
And if you're not spending the rest of the evening chatting together?
They're walking away with a smile and a little flutter in their heart.
And we know you already know, but just remember to stay respectful and make sure others are comfortable, which is key to a successful flirt.
Now get out there and strut your stuff, it says.
Thank you, WikiHow, randomly my favorite website.
Yeah, that's the other thing with flirting.
I always am afraid of like weirding them out or creeping them out.
Like I don't ever want to be creepy.
And so my like fear of being creepy also gets in the way.
It's like there's so many things, so many mental blocks that I have getting in the way of me flirting.
And, to be honest, perhaps it's not even that I need to look up a guide on how to flirt online, which I'm still going to do anyway, because I'm curious if it'll help me.
But perhaps it's actually addressing the root issue.
Mm hmm.
Which is that high school trauma, but also to fear of rejection, but also to being afraid of being creepy.
Right.
Like, I know I'm not creepy.
I know I would never do anything creepy, but it's like I'm such a overthinker that you know I psych myself out.
But anyway, that's reassuring.
Like, I have it in me.
Even this random quiz I found online told me I have it in me.
But let's get into this article I found also on WikiHow.
How to flirt with a guy.
Let's see what it has to say.
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Like a Part one, flirting from across the room.
Number one, make eye contact.
Eye contact is a key flirting technique which can be implemented anywhere, at any time, as long as your crush is in sight.
While you don't want it to look like you're staring deep into his soul, lingering eye contact will show him you're interested.
Here's the thing i and see.
This is why i'm nervous because this okay, i have to preface this crush that i have now.
It's so not serious, it's so not that deep, but this is like the first guy that i've been exposed to enough where, like a little crush has been able to form.
There's actually an opportunity where it's like oh, maybe i could talk to him and flirt with him and have a Not even like flirt with him.
Who knows, right?
I'm still trying to get over the barrier of just even talking to him at all or even making eye contact with him.
But he's more of sort of this wake up call for me of what I need to work on, because I'm imagining what it would be like if there was, like an opportunity to flirt with him where it made sense, like a little something.
And I'm like, oh, wow, I'm not prepared.
So just keep this in mind.
Anyway, I see this man so often and I literally have never looked at him.
And there has been there was an opportunity literally today where we were.
We walked right by each other.
And you want to know what I did?
Looked at the ground.
I kid you not.
I looked at the ground.
I walked my head down.
I am really I'm bad at even this.
OK, you know, I think eye contact is like the easiest first step, but i think what's hard about it is like you don't want to be caught staring because that's kind of see.
That feels creepy to me.
That's the issue with like looking from across the room is i don't want to seem creepy and to me like staring seems creepy and then it's like okay, if he looks back and i like smile a little and look away, That's not really creepy.
But I'm scared that I would get startled if he looked back at me.
And then I would like look away really quickly because I would get startled.
That's my fear.
And I'm also afraid of like, what will my little smirk look like?
I don't know.
I literally don't know.
So I don't know that I'm ready for this one.
I actually feel like this one's more advanced than we all would think.
I think I need to build a little bit more confidence first.
But at some point it would be nice to feel the confidence to like look from across the room and make eye contact and then, you know, do a little smirk and maybe look away.
Well, that leads us to step two, when flirting across the room to smile.
Studies have shown that smiling actually makes you more attractive to other people.
So work that into your advantage by flashing those pearly whites.
See, I will say, there is something that I do that is a weird indirect form of flirting, which is that, for whatever reason, naturally when I'm around somebody that I
Have a crush on I will smile so much more.
I can't stop smiling, I can't wipe the smile off my face and I think it is a subconscious Thing, like I know deep down, that that is an attractive thing.
It's like almost biological.
It's instinctual.
I know that Also.
I think too, because i'm feeling so joyful, because how joyful it is to be around a crush.
What's better?
But this I actually think I already do however smiling from across the room.
No, but Smiling around them.
Yes.
In fact, with this particular crush that I have right now, I can't stop smiling and laughing when I'm around him, even though he's far away and is not looking.
Okay, next.
Use body language.
Even if you haven't opened your mouth, you can say a great deal by just using your body language.
Smiling and eye contact are part of this, but there are a few other things you should be aware of.
Don't cross your arms.
Ooh, see, that's a bad habit I have.
When I get nervous, I do cross my arms.
And a lot of times when I'm around a crush, I will sometimes get a bit agitated inside and I will like cross my arms out of instinct.
I know that I do that.
So that's something to consider.
And, you know, people have given me advice before.
They're like, Emma, just be open, be light.
And I'm a very tense person.
So that's hard for me.
Next, it says flip your hair.
Well, that is not going to work for me because I don't have much.
And next, play with your jewelry, such as a necklace.
I don't really wear necklaces a lot, but yeah, okay.
I just need to be more open.
I need to have a more open, loose energy.
I need to be mindful and loose in these moments.
Okay, next.
Find subtle ways to put yourself in his path.
This is something I'm actually better at.
I'm good at that because I'm good at the plot.
I can plan ahead.
I'm a planner.
I love planning things.
I love my Google Calendar.
I love my paper planner.
I use a Google Calendar and a paper planner.
That's how much I love planning.
So planning an interaction for me, planning like a run in, you know, not in like a creepy way, but like being like oh, he's walking this way.
Maybe I'll walk that way, too.
Like I'll cross path.
I can do that part.
But then once I'm in the moment, I'm looking at the floor.
I am looking at the floor.
Okay, next.
Look your best.
Give yourself an added boost of confidence by looking your very best whenever your crush is around.
This doesn't mean tiny skirts, high heels, and lashings of mascara.
Just means you should take some pride in your appearance by being well-groomed and neatly dressed.
I think this is good advice.
And I actually think this is something that I do.
I now more than ever in my life like to feel put together, well-groomed, clean.
It makes me feel good.
It definitely helps with confidence.
Clearly not enough, but imagine if I didn't feel cute and I was nervous.
This definitely helps, but it's not really advice I need right now.
Next, consider making the first move.
Okay, well, that's an issue because I clearly am not good at that.
So tell me how to do that.
I don't know how to do that.
That's why we're here.
Okay, next, flirting in person.
Okay, now we're getting into it, right?
See, with my current situation, my symbolic situation, the situation that got us here, the situation that is causing this reflection, right
We're not even there yet.
And we might never be there, to be honest.
I might go my entire life and never, ever speak to this man.
But eventually I will be flirting with somebody in person, hopefully soon.
Maybe tomorrow, who knows?
Okay, start talking, it says.
One of the best ways to move the situation along and flirt more openly is to get involved in a conversation with your crush.
Find an opportunity to chat him up about something you have in common, whether it's school work or a recent event.
Open with a question, with a note, to try to avoid asking questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no.
Transition to talking about him.
People love to talk about themselves.
And use his name a lot.
It's a fact that people love to hear their own name in a conversation.
See, the thing that I struggle with is I never want to feel, I never want it to be obvious to the other person that I'm like trying to start a conversation.
And so I want it to happen, naturally because it's so obvious when someone's coming up with a question that's just kind of like empty, for the sake of starting conversation.
And I never want to do that because I never want to reveal my intentions too soon.
I always want to because maybe I don't like them after talking to them, right?
Like you don't want to start flirting right off the bat before you know their personality.
What if you start talking and you're like ooh, I actually don't think I'm interested at all and I don't want to be flirty.
I just maybe would want to be friendly with this person.
So I would always I want conversation to come up naturally, but you can't, like you can't force that.
But also, is this just an excuse for me to not start conversation?
Like maybe I just have to be smart and like think of how to naturally start a conversation in a way that feels truly organic but is actually, you know, kind of plotted, I guess.
Okay next,
Smile and laugh.
I know you guys already told me this.
Smiling and laughing throughout your conversation shows that you're comfortable around your crush.
And more than that, you enjoy listening to him talk.
See, I feel like once I'm at a point where I'm in a conversation with a guy, like smiling and laughing is easy.
That's just who I am.
I love to smile and laugh in a conversation if smiling and laughing makes sense.
Um, next break the touch barrier.
Okay.
See, now we're, now we're getting ahead to like things have to, we have to know that this person likes me back.
The flirting has to be obvious.
Otherwise this to me is like, I'm scared.
Touch his forearm lightly while you're talking.
Casually put a hand or elbow on his shoulder.
Ooh, that feels a little well, I guess.
If you're like facing, if you're like face to face and you like put a hand on the shoulder, that's a little.
But if you're like standing side by side, maybe not as weird.
See, like that's, yeah.
Okay.
Accidentally lean into him if you're walking together.
Straighten his collar.
Oh my God.
See, at that point, if I'm straightening up a collar, we're dating.
Unless I'm like really, if I was like really good friends with a guy and I wanted to flirt a little maybe,
I do think that breaking the touch barrier, it is important.
I do think it kind of like it sends a signal like hey, you know, it does move things along a little, but I'm nervous about it.
But I think the key to it for me is just going to be like, I just need to do it in a way where like, I would do this with a friend.
I would do that with anyone, you know?
But within the context of like, oh, but maybe there's a little bit of flirtiness too.
It could read more flirty.
But I think that's going to be the key for me.
Because I'm actually not a super touchy person unless it's like with my best, best friends.
I wouldn't consider myself to be a touchy person.
But I'm going to keep it in mind because I do think it helps.
Next, draw attention to your body.
Guys, this is crazy.
Guys are visual creatures, so nothing gets them like a sneaky flash of flesh here and there.
Subtly drawing attention to your body every now and then will get his heart racing and help him realize how much he likes you.
Rub your shoulder.
Ask if you should get your belly button pierced.
Lick your lips.
Be careful not to overdo things here.
Drawing attention to your body can work very well, but only if it's used in moderation.
Okay.
See, I feel weird about this one.
Like this one scares me.
And I think it's because I lack confidence in like a sexual way.
Like I have like imposter syndrome with being like sexy, you know, and it doesn't make any sense because, like i'm so down to like wear a sexy outfit but then, like to me, i'm like this might be a sexy outfit but like i have imposter syndrome about being sexy in the outfit.
Does that make sense?
Like i, even though i'm wearing the sexy outfit and i feel sexy, or no, i don't feel sexy.
That's the problem.
But even though i'm maybe in this sexy outfit, even though everyone is sexy in their own way, I have imposter syndrome and feel like I am not.
I'm funny and I'm silly and I'm outgoing and I'm playful, but I'm not sexy.
That's an issue.
That's deep down.
That's like Emma needs to call a therapist for that one.
That one is deep in the gut.
We're going to have to get that one out.
We're going to have to take a laxative. to get that one out.
We're going to have to get a colonoscopy and really get the camera up there to see what's all lodged up in there.
Okay, I took this all too far.
But that's something I need to address on a personal level.
So let me just go ahead and journal about that tomorrow and we'll see what I discover.
Um okay, moving on, dance with him.
Ew, this is my biggest fear.
Um, it says dancing with a guy is a fun way to show him that you're into him, without being too serious.
See, this is tough when you don't drink, right like dancing with a guy blackout at a, at a bar, at a well, i guess more, more so at a club, you know, that's that's one thing.
Doing it sober it's possible, but it's tougher.
Not that I'm not down to dance.
Like I'm at a point in my life now finally where I can go out and dance and have fun and not care.
You know, I used to get kind of embarrassed.
But yeah, I don't know.
I also don't really go out to places where like dancing happens a lot.
I'm not going to the club very often.
You know, I'm not really going to parties like that very often.
So there's a chance that this could happen, but probably not.
Okay, moving on.
Pay him a compliment.
Don't expect the compliments to go one way.
Guys love to be complimented too.
Making your crush feel noticed and appreciated shows him that you're interested in him as a person and that you're paying attention to what's important.
See, that's easy enough.
But see, the key to that is that's not even really flirting.
I mean, I guess if I was like, wow, like your hair looks amazing.
But the problem is I'm a very complimentary person.
I love complimenting people.
I always will compliment people, especially if I feel like it's due.
But even if not, sometimes I'll just I love I want to make people feel good, even if say, OK.
Like I'll give an example of that.
Like, even if somebody did their makeup in a way that maybe I don't like, like it's not my style, right?
If I can tell that they put effort into their makeup, I'll say your makeup looks incredible tonight.
It might not be my taste, but if I can tell somebody put effort into something, I will compliment it because I think that that's that deserves a compliment.
I am a very complimentary person, so this isn't like yeah, this is easy for me, but that's because i would compliment literally anyone, so this is just my nature.
Um next, playfully tease him.
Some playful teasing can be a great flirting technique.
If used correctly, teasing can create a sense of intimacy and show the guy that you have a sense of humor.
Just be warned if you give it, you need to be able to take it.
I'm good with this, the teasing i'm i'm good at, i think.
Well, it's interesting.
The teasing vibe to me feels, I was going to say it feels kind of immature, but maybe not.
Maybe not.
I like the teasing because it's kind of protective in a way.
You know what I mean?
It's not vulnerable.
I'm scared of the vulnerable stuff.
This is not as scary to me.
I would love to tease my crush.
Easy.
You know, if I'm at that point.
It's like touching the arm that's scary because that's a little bit more vulnerable.
Teasing somebody is not necessarily like saying that you like them.
If anything, it's like really the opposite.
And so that's not that hard for me.
And when it comes to like being able to take it, I can take it.
In I love that kind of banter.
I mean, obviously there's like a limit, right?
Like you don't want to only get teased.
You want also to get a compliment too.
But I like a little teasing.
In fact, I think I need that kind of banter.
Like I need teasing and like funny in order to feel, for the lack of a better word, aroused.
Yeah.
But like that is kind of crucial for me.
I've learned over the years, like I need to be silly with the boy or else.
Yeah, it's like I'm not there, you know, like I can't be there sexually, honestly.
So am I sharing too much?
I don't know.
Okay, moving on.
Leave him wanting more.
Don't let the conversation drag on so long that he has time to get bored or distracted.
Instead, walk away while he's still interested so that he can't wait to see you again.
This is easy for me because I am so hyper aware of overstaying my welcome in a conversation.
I'm constantly giving people an out because I never want anyone to feel like, oh my God, I'm talking to Emma and I don't want to talk to Emma anymore, you know.
Like I'll even say shit, like I can't remember a time where I've said this, but it's not out of the realm of possibility that I would say something along the lines of like you don't need to talk to me anymore, by the way.
You can go, you can do a lap.
Don't let me hold you hostage.
Like I would say that.
Now here's the thing.
That's a complicated thing, right?
Because it's like, if I'm like, I'm holding you hostage, I can let you go.
Like if I say that, does that really give them an out?
Like they're still kind of, what are they going to do?
Say- yeah, you know, now that you mentioned it, I'm out of here.
Like, and I'll even try, like, I really try to not stay in conversations for too long either.
I will try to like, the second it starts to slow down, I'm out for everyone's sake.
Okay, next we have flirting over text.
Okay, see, here's the thing.
Flirting over text, no problem.
I don't even need to read the advice.
Actually, maybe I will.
We'll skim it.
We'll skim it and see if there's something I don't already know.
But flirting over text is easy because you have time to think.
It's easy.
You can like phone a.
I can text a screenshot into my group chat with my two best friends and be like what do I say?
And then boom.
And that goes back to needing a wingman, as I mentioned earlier.
When I have help, when I back up, flirting's no problem.
It's when I'm alone.
Let's see what it has to say about flirting over text.
I'm curious.
First piece of advice, text him accidentally.
If you're not sure how to get a text conversation going, one good tactic is to text him pretending you think he's someone else like your best friend.
No, I would never do that.
I don't like games.
If I want to text somebody, I want to do it with intention.
I want to text somebody and be like, you know what?
Hi.
Hey.
Or I want to like, like I'll send them something.
I'll be like, oh my God, thought of you.
LOL.
I'm not going to like fake accidentally text somebody.
That to me is like weird.
I don't like that.
That's like weird.
Okay, next, don't be boring.
Boring text messages are pointless.
Texting things like what's up or what's the weather forecast for tomorrow.
Has anyone ever said that?
If anyone has ever said that, they need to be reading this article.
And maybe they are.
Wait.
An example of a text that's interesting, that they think is interesting is quickly help me choose donut or chocolate muffin.
If anyone wants to know my answer, I would probably choose a donut.
But that's weird.
See, like that's still, that's like too far in the other direction.
Like I think texting your crush out of the blue and saying, quick, help me choose.
I really can't.
That's actually kind of funny.
That's kind of fun.
But that to me reads and feels like You're just trying to talk about whatever.
Like, I think we're all busy people.
You know, we got shit to do.
Who has time to be like bantering like that?
You know, I'd rather be a bit more intentional with it and say something like what's an example of what I maybe would think would be like a good text.
That's not boring.
See, I always think of like sending a photo of something.
Like if I saw something interesting that day, but like what?
Like what would I send a photo?
Oh no, I'm screwed.
Maybe I do need to be reading this because I'm clearly, I don't know.
I don't know how to not be boring over text.
See, but I don't love like text flirting like this.
I would rather hang out in person and then for, like that, to like inspire ideas of like what to text about in between, to kind of keep the contact going.
Like if the last time we hung out, we talked about donuts, for example.
Okay, then maybe it does make sense to like send a picture of, like you know, a donut case at a coffee shop and be like getting one because of us.
You know what I mean?
Like that's maybe kind of cute.
I don't know.
Okay, next, leave some questions hanging.
Once you're in a text conversation, try not to be overly enthusiastic, responding to every single thing in his last message.
These kinds of text messages can be confusing and make you seem too eager.
See, again, this feels like games to me.
Like if I've been asked questions, I'm going to answer the fucking questions, you know?
I'm not going to play games and be like.
I'm going to tactfully choose not to answer this one because I'm trying to
I don't like that.
If somebody likes you, they're going to want you to like.
It's going to be a green flag if you're a good communicator.
So no, I don't like that advice.
Next, be suggestive.
Once things really get going and you feel more comfortable with your texting, you can start to heat things up a little, dropping not so subtle hints that you're interested in being more than friends.
An example text would be I can't stop thinking about how great your arms looked in that shirt today.
I would never say that.
I would never.
Say that.
See, I actually think that's I would rather like touch a guy's arm than text him that.
OK, let's see more examples that they have.
They haven't.
Here's another one.
I'm just about to watch a scary movie.
Wish you were here to stop me from being too scared.
See, that feels cliche.
And I never want to feel I never want to.
I avoid cliches and flirting.
You know, if you want to get a little racier, you could say something like sorry I was in the shower, and his mind will do the rest.
See, actually saying sorry i was in the shower is like the least flirty to me, like that's actually kind of chill.
It's like wait sorry, i didn't respond.
I mean, i guess it's kind of like why are you telling me you're in the shower?
Obviously because it's like think about me.
But yeah okay, next don't send more than two texts in a row without a reply.
No worries, that's no problem, I would never do that.
If I don't get a response, I am done.
We are never speaking again.
Easy.
Next, picture text.
Picture texting can be a fun alternative way to communicate and also ensures that your crush has a picture of you on his phone.
He can go on my Instagram, you know, like that's what Instagram is for.
I don't need like what I'm going to send a selfie.
No. a picture of something maybe, but a picture of me, that is weird.
See, that's something like my mom would do.
If my mom was like flirting with a guy, she would like send a like sexy selfie.
And I love my mom, but it's not really like a modern move, you know?
Next, make a date.
Texting can be a great way to ask a guy out, particularly if you're nervous about doing it face to face.
This is true.
And like, but see, I'm always, I always want them to make plans with me.
I don't want to make the plan.
My crutch is to be like try to incorporate my crush into like my friend group at the time so that we can all make a group chat and then invite the guy to stuff without me having to do the inviting super, super afraid of rejection.
As you can tell, it would be nice for me to learn how to like initiate, not even learn.
It's like so easy.
Um, but it would be good for me to build that confidence.
Okay.
And that's the end of the article.
Great.
You know what you guys, did I learn a lot?
Yeah.
But in ways I didn't expect to.
You know, I think just talking about all of this do I feel more prepared?
No.
But I think what I realized now is that I need to go inward.
I have some work to do on the inside.
I need to start seeing myself as a sexy goddess, for one.
I need to figure that out.
So we'll keep you posted on that.
Need to come into my sexual energy, you know, feel better about that, feel more confident in that, without being in a relationship right, I mean even in a relationship.
I struggle with it too, but I need to like get comfortable with that side of myself.
Okay, we'll figure that out together.
Not literally, but you know can't help but talk about this stuff on my podcast.
I also think I just need to let go of the fear of being rejected.
Like I know myself, I'm never going to flirt to the point of like really being rejected.
And also who cares if I get rejected?
It's like if, if the guy's not into me, if I like do a little something, and you know the guy's not picking up what I'm putting down, I know myself I'll pick up on it and I'll be like all right, done.
And yeah, it's not going to feel good, but also that's the price you pay.
Like I want to date, you know, I want to, I want to be flirty.
I want to have fun.
I want to leave no stones left unturned.
I want to talk to every guy that I want to talk to, and I don't want to have to rely on them talking to me first.
So if that's, this is the price I must pay.
I'll keep you all updated on my journey, my flirting journey.
I can't wait to come back on here and be like, you guys, I flirted.
I flirted with someone and I initiated it.
That's gonna be a wonderful day and I'm gonna feel amazing.
It'll be euphoric, I think.
I think the thing is I know I have the potential.
We all do.
I just, I need to get over myself, really.
That's what it is.
Anyway, I hope you all learned something too.
Maybe you learned something.
Maybe this inspired you to get a little flirtier in your life if you're not already good at it.
If you are good at it, please message me tips.
If you have like some niche tip that we didn't go through today, let me know.
I want to be you know what?
2026.
I'm going to learn to flirt and I'm going to get fucking good at it.
I want to like, I want to be good at it.
It's such a, it's such a cool thing to be good at.
How cool, you know, how cool, how confident.
I want to be that and I will.
Okay, 2026, Emma's fucking flirting.
That's the end of it.
I love you all.
Thank you all for listening and hanging out.
It's always a pleasure.
New episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday.
Anything Goes is anywhere you stream podcasts.
Although if you want to watch video, that's on YouTube and Spotify.
Anything Goes is on social media at Anything Goes.
I'm on the internet at Emma Chamberlain and my coffee company is on the internet and in the world at Chamberlain Coffee.
I love you all.
I appreciate you all.
I'll talk to you very soon and stay flirty.
Bye.
