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Hi, my name is Dora.
Welcome to Radio Headspace and to Tuesday.
I recently went through a breakup and we all know how tough those can be, or even just heartbreak.
After living with someone for four years, you get used to their presence, but their absence is truly felt, especially at night.
However, one thing that I've been enjoying is coming home to a clean kitchen and finding my food in the fridge right where I left it.
Coming home and finding my food still there, knowing that nobody has eaten it is truly a love language of mine, and so is a clean kitchen.
But it's interesting because when I was living with my boyfriend at the time, a clean home and untouched food was a miracle and also the source of many petty arguments that we had.
And now, thankfully, we're still on good terms and happen to hang out once in a while, and when I'm at his house there's no worry or care about whether his kitchen is clean or dirty or what food is in the fridge.
His kitchen is his kitchen and my kitchen is my kitchen.
So, this made me think about how, often times, labels can really define and distort our relationships and add so many unnecessary expectations, to the point where we put our significant others on such a high pedestal that we can forget that they're also human.
For me, when we had decided to break up, there was that physical space in between us that allowed me to see him for who he really was.
There were so many beautiful things about him that I would lose sight of in the heat of the moment.
And this reminds me of one moment specifically where, you know, the proverbial honeymoon had ended but he was still on this pedestal that I had created in my mind and that I was also very attached to.
There was still an idealized version of him in my head and when he didn't meet those expectations, I was disappointed.
I remember this coming to a head after a very long day of working at the hospital.
So I get home and the kitchen is an absolute mess.
Dishes everywhere, counters full of different things, and I was unimpressed to say the least.
But the thing is, I completely disregarded the fact that my boyfriend at the time was just starting his own company.
However, this threw me over the edge.
I distinctly remember yelling at him, you're supposed to love me, why would you leave the kitchen like this?
And as I look back on it now, I never really allowed myself to see him for who he was, I just saw him for who I wanted him to be.
And love at the time was equated in the things that he would do for me or not do.
So coming home to a messy home somehow meant that he didn't love me.
And now, a few months later, I have way more compassion for him, myself, and for us.
In meditation, when we speak of creating that sense of space in the mind to allow our thoughts and feelings to breathe and just be there, this is also reflected in life.
When we do this for ourselves, we're also doing it for others.
We give people the space, grace, and freedom to be who they truly are and appreciate them for who they are, not for who we wish for them to be.
With that being said, I invite you to look at through your relationships you have in your life and see if there's any expectations that you've unknowingly assigned them, and get curious about how those expectations influence the way that you see these people.
That's all for today.
Thanks again for joining me and I'll see you back here tomorrow.
Thank you.
