Well, hello and welcome to this English lesson about jokes.
You know, when you are learning another language, when you can understand jokes in that language and when you can tell jokes in that language and get a good laugh, it means that your English level is very highly developed.
Uh, for me, when I was learning French, when I finally started to understand French jokes, that was Awesome for me, because I felt like I was becoming more competent.
So in this English lesson, I think I have 20 jokes ready for you.
I think that you will enjoy them.
Unfortunately, I will do that thing where I tell the joke and then I explain the joke, which can sometimes ruin the joke when someone has to explain it to you.
But at least by the end of this lesson you'll have 20 fairly easy to understand English jokes that you can tell.
So once again, welcome to this English lesson. about jokes.
Why did the golfer bring a second pair of pants?
So I'll tell the joke and then I'll just talk for like a few seconds to give you a chance to think about it.
I'll read it a second time and then we'll go to the punchline.
Why did the golfer bring a second pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
So the reason this is funny is because in golf, can get a hole in one.
If you hit the golf ball from the tee and it goes all the way to the green and bounces a few times and goes in the hole, we call it a hole in one.
So, if you look at the explanation in golf, a hole in one is a perfect shot.
In clothes, it's literally a hole in your pants.
So, if I have two shirts, I might stop wearing one because there might be a hole in that one, right?
So, you might say, oh, I had I brought a couple shirts.
I think there's a hole in one.
So it's just a little play on words where there are two meanings or two ways to interpret the phrase.
So why did the golfer bring a second pair of pants in case he got a hole in one?
Why did wrong?
I gave away the punch line.
Ignore that.
I clicked the wrong thing.
Why did the math book look sad?
I could have used textbook here.
Why did the math textbook look sad?
So here we're acting as if the book has feelings.
Why did the math book look sad?
And then the reason is because it had too many problems.
Problems means both exercises in math and difficulties in life.
So a student in math class, the teacher will assign them problems.
They'll assign them math questions that they need to figure out.
So when I was a student in math class, there would be like, do problems one through 10 for homework.
But of course, problems also means difficulties in life.
How is Joe doing?
He's having a lot of problems recently.
His car broke down.
He lost his job.
So why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems.
Again, using two meanings for a word to make something funny and to be a good joke.
I think that was a good joke.
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
I would consider this joke a groaner. you can probably figure out the answer.
I actually, as I was putting these jokes together, this is a joke that I first heard as a computer teacher and I thought it was a little bit.
It's a little bit of a stretch to call this joke, but the answer is because it had a virus, and of course, a virus is something that can make a person sick or damage a computer.
So computers can get viruses as humans can get viruses.
So why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus.
So this is a joke that my dad told me when I was a kid.
Why did they build a fence around the cemetery?
So of course a cemetery is a place where people are buried after they die.
So this joke is considered a little bit of a dark joke?
Why did they build a fence around the cemetery?
Why did they build a fence around the place where they bury people after they die?
And then the answer is because people were dying to get in.
My dad thought this joke was hilarious.
The reason it's it's funny is because when you're dying to do something is a common idiom, meaning really wanting something.
Like I'm dying to go to a Blue Jays game next spring.
I'm dying to have pizza tonight.
It means you really really really want something but of course the literal meaning is to die.
You know you are alive and then someday you will die.
So why did they build a a fence around the cemetery?
Because people were dying to get in.
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
So you have a few flowers here.
I guess it's more of a taller flower here but what did the big flower say to the little flower?
Um this is a joke that I first heard a little kid told me this joke.
Uh they thought it was hilarious.
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hey bud.
So bud means both a flower before it opens.
Like you have a bud and then it will open.
Uh and a friendly nickname like pal.
So we have the word bud and buddy and you'll sometimes hear people say To a little kid they'll say hey bud, how's it going?
Or if someone's coaching a baseball team, they might say okay hey bud, next time you're up to bat, try to swing the ball, or swing the bat harder.
So hey bud, simply a way to say hi to someone who is littler than you or younger than you, specifically.
And then also if you have a flower, the joke is it would say hey bud to the smaller glue or the bud that hasn't quite opened yet.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
So this is an example of a joke.
The first time I heard this joke, I didn't understand it right away.
But why did the bicycle fall over?
So we have a nice bicycle here.
You'll notice that the bicycle doesn't have four tires.
It has two tires.
So the answer or the punchline is because it was too tired.
So the joke here is in English, when you describe a car, it's four tired or a bike, it's too tired.
It's not exactly how we describe it, but it's good enough for the joke to work.
When you say something has two tires, like it's too tired, it sounds like saying it's really tired, like exhausted at the end of the day.
So too tired sounds like too tired and a bike has two tires.
So I'm not sure if this joke works in other English-speaking countries, depending on on whether they refer to those as tires or use a different word.
But certainly in my part of the world, why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired.
Yes, it was exhausted.
Why did the student eat her homework?
So sometimes teachers assign homework.
This is work that you need to do at home.
And the question is, why did the student eat her homework?
Why would someone do that?
And then the answer is, of course, the idiom because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
So as many of you know, this is one of the first idioms you learn when you're learning English.
It might even be in the first English lesson about idioms.
When you say something is a piece of cake, it also means easy.
So for me, it's, let's see, eating a whole... No, that's the bad example.
Doing a live stream is a piece of cake for me.
I've done... done a lot of them.
I don't really know how many I've done but it's it's fairly easy for me.
It's a piece of cake.
Um but also a cake of course is a very sweet uh thing that you can bake in your kitchen.
Uh, often people will have cake on their birthday and then, when you cut the cake, you will have a piece of cake.
So you have a whole cake and then you have a piece of cake and you eat the piece of cake.
But, as I mentioned, we also use the word or the idiom piece of cake to mean something that is easy.
How does the moon cut his hair?
I've told this joke on a few live streams in the past.
Sometimes people ask me to tell an English joke and I like to tell this joke.
Uh, in order for you to understand this joke, you have to imagine that the moon has hair and that the moon needs to cut his hair.
And the wrong one?
And the answer is eclipse it.
So an eclipse is is a lunar event when the moon goes in front of the sun, or even when the sun goes in front of the moon.
Both of those are called eclipses.
And the phrase he clips sounds like eclipse.
So he clips, he clips his hair.
Like if I had clippers, you would say Bob clips his hair.
He clips his hair, he clips it.
And you can hear now that the phrase he clips it And then the little play on words eclipse it sound a lot alike.
So how does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Now a scarecrow is a fake person.
It's basically some sticks with some clothing on them and a hat.
And a scarecrow is designed to make birds think that there is a person in the field.
The job of a scarecrow is to scare away the birds and a crow is one type of bird.
So why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
So this again is a little play on the word outstanding means excellent.
He does an outstanding job when he speaks in front of people.
She does an outstanding job as a teacher.
And then the little phrase outstanding.
Space standing means that you are outside standing somewhere.
So outstanding means excellent and outstanding means standing outside.
So it's a little little play here on.
The scarecrow won an award because he was outstanding in his field.
So you can see that he's literally out in the field standing.
He is out standing in his field.
Also he's outstanding in his field did one wall say to the other wall?
So what did one wall say to the other wall?
So you can see, you have two walls here um, one has a door in it, one has a window in it.
And the one wall said to the other wall I'll meet you at the corner.
So when we say that there are two walls, the two walls meet at the corner.
So in the corner of a room you will see that there are two walls that meet each other.
So what did one wall say to the other wall?
I'll meet you at the corner.
Often jokes rely on us imagining that something has human characteristics.
You have to imagine that a wall can talk.
Obviously walls can't talk.
You have to imagine that a scarecrow can win an award.
So sometimes part of understanding the joke is to use your imagination to think that walls can talk and things like that.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
So you can see here there are some cookies.
I thought they were chocolate chip cookies, but I think those might be raisins.
But you can see that these cookies it looks like someone took a bite of one and another cookie is broken.
And if you look at all those tiny little pieces, it will help you understand the joke.
So why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because it felt crummy. if I say that I feel crummy, it means that I don't feel very good.
How are you feeling today?
I just feel crummy.
It means you're feeling tired.
Maybe a little bit sick.
You're you're not energetic.
You feel crummy.
C-R-U-M-M-Y.
Crummy means feeling bad.
And cookies make crumbs which sounds the same.
Like a cookie is kind of crummy.
So it will those tiny tiny little pieces.
Let's go to the bigger one again.
Those tiny tiny little pieces we would call cookie crumbs.
So, when you say, why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because it felt crummy.
A cookie can, in this joke, feel unenergetic and a little bit sick and need to go to the doctor.
But a cookie, when you bite it or break it, will create crumbs.
So, once again, using the two words that have slightly different meanings but sound the same.
Crummy and crummy or crumb and crumb to make it into a bit of a joke.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
So, here's a good question.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Again, you have to imagine the ocean can talk and says things to the beach every once in a while.
The ocean is of course a big body of water and a beach is the sandy area. the shore.
So what did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing.
It just waved.
So as you know the ocean has waves and a person can wave.
So we have a word that has two different meanings, but if we find a way to put them together, we can make a joke out of it.
You can wave to someone and the ocean has waves.
So what did the ocean say to the beach?
In your mind, you're thinking the ocean's going to talk, but then the answer is nothing.
It just waved or it has waves.
I like that joke.
Can't remember the first time I heard it, but this joke is a.
Joke that I heard the first time when I was a little.
I was a little kid.
I didn't get it.
Uh because I didn't know how the punch line worked because I probably wasn't old enough.
So what happened when the grape got stepped on?
What happened when the grape got stepped on and then the answer is it let out a little wine.
Now there's a couple versions of the joke.
Sometimes, instead of WHINE, they actually put the word wine, and the joke here is wine.
WINE is made from grapes.
If you crush grapes and you put the juice into barrels or bottles it will ferment and become wine.
WINE.
But wine W-H-I-N-E is a little cry like like if someone whines, they're making a sound like that.
So if you got stepped on, you might you might whine about it.
But if a grape gets stepped on, it would let out a little whine.
So again, a word that sounds the same.
And the joke is that the sentence makes sense both ways.
Like if the grape could talk, it might whine because it's a grape.
If it got stepped on, juice would come out.
And then you would say it let out a little wine.
Uh, one more, and then we will.
Uh, what was six?
Why was six afraid of seven?
So why was six afraid of seven?
Why was the number six afraid of seven?
This is a kid's joke.
You'll hear kids who are like seven or eight tell this joke, probably because they've just learned their numbers and their alphabet.
So why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven, eight, nine.
So when you count, you say one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10.
The number eight and the word eight sound the same.
Yesterday, I ate a sandwich.
Yesterday we went to a restaurant, by the way, and I ordered a club sandwich and I ate the sandwich.
That's a true story.
We actually went out to eat last night.
So A-T-E ate a sandwich and then the number eight sounds the same way.
So when you say seven eight nine, it sounds like the number seven ate the number nine, like why was six afraid of seven?
Because the number seven was hungry and ate the number nine.
So you can see how you would say this is a kid's joke.
This is a funny joke for kids to say uh, maybe they're.
They're out on the playground uh, telling jokes to each other.
But yes, Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven, eight, nine.
Why did the picture go to jail?
I think I saw this joke go by in the chat earlier.
So why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
And the explanation framed means both in a frame and falsely accused of a crime.
So this picture the outside edge.
So the picture has been placed into frame, what we call a picture frame or a frame.
But if you make it look like someone else did a crime when they didn't, you have framed them.
So sometimes when you watch a police TV show, someone will be framed.
Other criminals will make it look like someone else did the crime.
So why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
I stayed up all night.
Oh, by the way, we're gonna start one-liners now.
So, a one-liner is a joke.
Um, I guess I could have split this one, but I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.
Then it dawned on me.
So the reason this is funny is because the phrase dawned on me means to realize something, and dawn refers to when the sun rises.
So let's say I can't find my watch, and then it might dawn on me that I took my watch off in my bedroom last night instead of by my computer, where I normally put it.
So, it means I realized it.
Um, you might have gotten up expecting this live stream to be at a different time, and then it dawned on you that time changed in Canada.
So the joke here is that the person stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, and then they realized that the sun was coming up.
Then it dawned on me.
The sun actually it was dawn.
Hopefully, this makes sense.
Uh I kinda like this joke.
I used to be a baker but I couldn't make enough dough.
So, I think you can probably figure this one out.
I used to be a baker but I couldn't make enough dough.
Basically, dough means both bread like before you bake bread, it's dough.
You make bread dough and then you put it in the oven and then not so much anymore.
I think old people might still use the word dough to refer to money like That car was a lot of dough.
I haven't actually heard anyone use the word dough to refer to money for a very long time.
But the joke is the baker couldn't make enough dough.
They couldn't make enough bread dough or they couldn't make enough money.
So it's again a double meaning.
I don't trust those trees.
They seem a little shady.
So when the sun shines, there is shade under the tree.
It's nice to sit under a shady tree.
The word shady also means untrustworthy or suspicious, so you can say the tree, I don't trust those trees, they seem a little shady.
Basically, you're saying the tree is acting in an untrustworthy or suspicious way.
So here's a better example when you come out of a movie theater, if there's someone selling watches out of the trunk of their car, that would be shady.
It's a very shady to be doing.
It's probably not legal.
They're acting in a way that's kind of suspicious.
So you would say oh, it was.
There's this really shady guy selling watches outside of the theater.
But also a tree, when the sun shines, will have shade under it and we say that it is a shady tree.
I'm on a seafood diet.
When I see food I eat it.
So this I would consider kind of a lame joke.
Kind of a groaner joke, A joke that you kind of go, you don't really laugh, but you just do a funny, a sound like that.
So seafood, which is food from the ocean, like fish and crabs and clams and all that kind of stuff and oysters, is a term we use to describe it, and to see food means with your eyes, you see food.
So, when you say I'm on a seafood diet, when I see food, I eat it.
It's kind of a funny use of to see A word and a phrase that sound the same as each other.
And then I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
So this joke is funny because to grow on you means to start to like something or someone.
And facial hair does literally grow on you.
So again, we now have a phrase with two meanings.
So you can say this.
I didn't like my new coworker, but eventually he grew on me.
That basically means you started to like them.
Or when I got married, my wife cooked food that I didn't like, but eventually it grew on me.
It means you eventually started to like it.
And hair literally does grow on your face.
So I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
