Hi, welcome to Radio Headspace on Monday morning.
I'm your guest host for the week, Dr.
Latifah Watford. I'm a mother of five, a wife of 24 years, and I've been a practicing psychiatrist for almost 20 years now.
So something I've noticed over the years is that a lot of problems my patients have are related to large life transitions.
These are fairly universal things, like breakups, having kids, and when your parents start aging.
So I've experienced a lot of this, and I'd like to talk to you about what I've learned in my professional practice and throughout life.
I think one of the hardest transitions anyone can go through is a breakup.
Like many others, I have experienced breakup, and I've found that to be one of the hardest transitions anyone can go through.
It doesn't matter what age you are or where you're from or who broke up with who.
It's just a really tough situation for everyone involved.
Breakups tend to be difficult, not only because they are a transition and, as I said, change is hard, but also a breakup is an ending.
You have shared friends, shared experiences, shared likes and dislikes.
So when you break up, it's almost like you have to separate from those things.
In my practice, most consistently what I see is people feel like there's a time frame.
For example, I broke up six months ago.
I should be over this, but I'm not.
The important thing to remember is there's no time frame on breaking up, just like there's no time frame on grieving.
You have to allow yourself to go through the emotions and all the changes at your own pace so that you can come out on the other side healthier and stronger.
So I'm human and I've experienced breakup many times.
There's one particular breakup that was really difficult for me to deal with.
In this situation, I had a best friend.
I've been friends with this person since I was in the 10th grade, so way back in high school and this breakup happened when I was well into my thirties and all of a sudden our relationship started changing.
We didn't do the things that we used to do together.
There seemed to be a little more distance between us until one day she told me that we could no longer be friends.
It was almost like I was sucker punched in my stomach.
The wind was literally knocked out of me and I had no idea what I had done or what had happened and I remember trying to take it all in and figure out why this has happened and what I could do to fix it.
Over time I realized that that breakup really had nothing to do with me and I had to allow that breakup to happen.
I gave her the space and the distance that she said she needed.
I turned to my other friends and let them know what was going on so I could have some support through this transition.
Because we'd been friends for so very long, our lives were really entangled and enmeshed so it made it even more difficult to separate from what had been us into individuals.
So sometimes I would make mistakes.
Sometimes I would pick up the phone to call and then realize, oh wait, we're not friends like that anymore.
So it does take time.
For me I think the biggest learning point from not just this breakup but from other breakups I've experienced in my life is that I have to allow myself to mourn the ending of that relationship.
And there's no timeline on it.
Sometimes you'll get better and do well and then all of a sudden something will happen.
The song that was your song will play or the place that you guys used to hang out you'll go by and it feels like you're right back in that moment.
Don't beat yourself up for that.
So I think one of the key things to remember when dealing with big transitions in life is that you're going to have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Being uncomfortable will allow you to grow in ways that you never expected.
You will get to the point where things are okay.
You just have to remember that this is not the end.
A change doesn't mean it's over.
It just means it's going to be different.
It's always important to realize that you are not alone in this.
In a personal sense but in a more global sense, as a human this happens all the time to everyone.
You don't have to travel this alone.
Depending on your friends, family, and loved ones.
That's all for today.
Thank you so much for joining and listening.
Tomorrow I want to talk about living with your kids because we all know that's not easy and they change all the time.
I'll see you back here really soon.
