This trip didn't go as planned, unless the plan was get overwhelmed, eat bland pasta and accidentally develop a crush.
For the first time ever, I arrived with a minute-by-minute itinerary, the kind of slightly unhinged organization usually reserved for Type A personalities.
I booked a five-star hotel that I had researched for weeks, made reservations at the best restaurants and parks that I had never explored, bookstores I had been romanticizing and even squeezed in a small prayer that a British gentleman would suit me away.
Every outfit was pre-picked pre-photographed, color coded and well, let's just say, London had some lessons prepared for me.
The trouble began almost immediately.
The tube door slammed on me, twice.
I could've sworn the escalators moved faster than the ones in Stockholm.
That metallic rail shriek, which Londoners don't even flinch at, sounded to me like your grandpa's hand-me-down violin that hadn't been tuned since the 1800s.
It was instant sensory overload.
Before I was even in Zone 1, I could feel my way-too-warm coat glued to my skin.
And my hair instantly betrayed by humidity.
The serum that I'd researched for a week didn't even stand a chance.
This was not my Julia Roberts and Notting Hill moment.
But I wasn't frustrated.
Partly thanks to the politeness of the Brits.
All the sorries, even when I was the one fumbling through everything.
So I laughed.
A laugh of acceptance that says, who cares how messy the path is?
As long as I'm moving forward, I'm exactly where I'm meant to be.
Creating a memory.
That looks amazing.
I'm going to go there.
Crisp sheets soft, warm lights, a velvet armchair waiting in the corner, a window framing the city like it's in a painting.
After a morning of chaos and tiny plans gone sideways, this was worth every obsessive hour of research.
I sank into the space, let the quiet fill me and for the first time today, I wasn't chasing anything.
I was just here.
I had chosen well, and I was going to savor that.
I couldn't help but wonder if life was just one big gamble.
Maybe I got lucky.
The sweetest concierge, one of their nicer rooms and soft lighting that made everything look like a movie made me think that so much of what we call good planning is probably just crossing paths with the right people at the right moment in the right place.
A lot of it is luck disguised as effort.
But I was not off the hook.
Disappointment was waiting.
You know what else can feel disappointing feeling like everyone else has a life manual that you somehow missed.
I would often feel like that, trying to figure everything out on my own, because asking for help felt like admitting defeat.
And when i did ask other people for advice and it didn't work for me, i would feel even worse.
But here's the thing most advice comes from people who mean well, But it's their playbook, not yours.
And when you try to force yourself into someone else's mold, you just end up feeling more stuck.
And it was only when I started going therapy that it clicked for me.
It was a place where I didn't feel judged or pressured or compared to anyone else.
One thing I have worked to understand about myself is this need for everything to be perfectly mapped out planned, figured out.
But there are three simple words that I carry with me in my pocket like a gift from my therapist, and that is loosen the grip.
It's my reminder to trust life's unpredictability.
And now i still find it hard sometimes to embrace the unknown and to just let things unfold naturally.
But it's these little tools that i carry with me after my therapy sessions that make it so worthwhile.
When you find the right therapist for you, they will listen, ask questions and help you see things from a new perspective.
They can give you advice and techniques to make positive changes in your life better help.
The paid partner of today's video makes that process easier.
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You have nothing to lose by trying it out and so much to gain.
So click the link in my description box or go to betterhelpcom, slash lana and get 10 off your first month of therapy.
Thank you so much again to BetterHelp.
I admit I'm a sucker for all things beautiful a dress, this dress, a bag, another bag, a soft scarf, interior art, exotic birds, a dining experience, a reason to dress up bread and butter before the meal.
But when the aesthetics outshine the food, my heart will sink and I will frown like a toddler.
Through extensive planning, trying to ensure the best culinary experiences, following every TikTok recommendation, every Google review, and yet somehow I ended up eating the most bland food.
Beautiful to look at.
Worth it if you want to splurge on aesthetics alone.
But why is everyone raving about these places?
Am I the problem?
Or have we entered an era where photos matter more than flavor?
And who are we to trust?
Intuition?
Wandering into the unknown?
Asking a local?
This train is ready to depart.
Please stand clear of the doors.
I can't believe this is so close to the city of London.
It's so easy getting here.
There's so much green space, so many squirrels.
Hoping to see a deer because I've heard supposedly you can spot some deers in Richmond Park.
So let's see if I get lucky.
After the string of culinary letdowns, I was craving a tiny victory for all of my obsessive planning, and Richmond did not fail to deliver.
Sunlight bounced off the golden leaves sparkling on the river.
Old brick buildings leaned into each other, squirrels ran across the cobblestones and yes, I even spotted some deer in Richmond Park which fun tidbit was created by Charles I in the 1620s as a hunting ground.
And today, over 600 of them roam freely.
And so did I.
I roam freely, right into a moment of magic that you can't schedule.
A millisecond distraction, a handsome guy, a few exchanged glances and the feminine urge to plot our entire imagined future together, only to be distracted again two seconds later by pastries, bookstores and tiny shops.
Look how pretty that is.
I can't believe this is a fall day.
Totally feels like spring.
Today's just perfect.
Today could not be more perfect.
Maybe I should open a pastry store.
Doing theater in a smaller town sounds like fun.
Or maybe on a big stage.
Me, once again.
Mourning all the lives I want to live but never will.
On the train back, I thought of something.
You can plan, hope and do everything right, but the sun, the sky, the little unplanned moments, they have their own plan.
And sometimes, if you're lucky, it's exactly what you needed.
Life fills in the gaps that we don't plan for, we just have to leave a little space.
Looking back, not much went according to plan, or at least not according to expectations.
The frizzy hair, the bland dinners, the crush that I forgot about in two seconds.
None of it was on the itinerary.
Maybe the point isn't to control everything.
Maybe it's to loosen the grip just enough for life to surprise you.
