Hi, my name is Nika and welcome to Radio Headspace and to Friday.
I just want to say that I've had so much fun this week and if nothing else, I hope that you've learned a bit more about how anger works and what happens in your body when you experience that emotion.
So today I want to tell you about something very simple that can completely alter your perception of anger.
Changing how you think.
Now I said it simple, I didn't say it was easy.
But even though it's difficult, it can be incredibly beneficial for your life, work, and relationships.
So let's get into it. So changing your thoughts has everything to do with how you feel.
Your emotion comes from a thought.
How can we start identifying the thoughts that lead to anger and frustration?
But the first thing I want you to do is just identify the situations.
That's the first thing I need you to do.
Think about the things that always, every time you think them, lead you to anger.
And once you identify that situation, then what's the first thought, the automatic thought that comes when this situation happens?
That is how you identify thoughts that lead to anger, frustration.
For many years, I ran anger management groups.
And so I had a woman in that group who had a teenage daughter, a preteen teenage daughter.
I think she might have been 14 or something like that.
And the daughter was just being 14.
You know what I'm saying?
She was just being who she was.
And the mom would just get really frustrated.
And often she would come to the group and tell us stories about her daughter.
The things that her daughter happened to be doing were really just small things.
It wasn't, you know, she wasn't staying out all night and partying, you know, she wasn't cleaning up.
She wasn't putting up the dishes, which is frustrating, but it is not the worst thing.
And that is really how she changed that thought.
You know, she realized that this isn't the worst thing my daughter could be doing.
Yes, I'd love her to clean up.
However, she's actually a really good kid.
And she's done some great things and she helps other people.
And I love her. And so while some of those things are annoying, I don't have to let it ruin my day.
I remember her saying like, now our relationship has gotten a lot closer, right?
Because it's like the frustration became a barrier between the two of them.
And now, removing that barrier, right, of these negative thoughts towards her daughter has now created more of a bond between them.
So with changing her thoughts, I do have a few recommendations on how you can do that when you are facing a anger-inducing situation.
One of the first things I would say is outside of the anger-inducing situation, right?
So maybe even right now, when you have some time over the weekend, sit down and think about those situations that occur that always lead you to feel angry.
So the first thing I would do is say, okay, what are the situations?
Like what happens? And every time that happens, I get upset.
Write it down. And I would say write it down with a pen or pencil and paper, right?
Because you're going to want to really do this exercise.
Because often just the awareness of it will have you changing your thoughts anyway, right?
It will lead to you changing your thoughts.
But once I become aware, right, and I sit and think about these situations in which you'll notice is usually it's the same kind of situation, right?
It may not be the same person all the time.
It may not be the same location, but it usually is the same kind of trigger, right?
Triggering situation.
And after you realize, okay, this thought leads me to feeling angry, annoyed, frustrated, and I then want you to come up with an alternative thought.
What's a new thought that I could think that will lead me to less frustration or no frustration, less anger or no anger?
A true thought, right? And I want you to do anything that's unrealistic or not true.
And I want you to write that down so that when this situation occurs, again, you have a tool.
You have something to use.
You have a new thought. And you're going to have to practice it.
Right, you're going to have to review that list all the time until eventually it becomes second nature to you.
It's again simple, but not easy.
And that's it for me today.
Thanks so much for listening and I'll see you back here really soon.
