Hi everyone, it's Kaisanga. Just a reminder that you can listen to all of our
podcasts, add free on the Headspace app.
Greetings everyone and welcome to Radio Headspace. I'm Kaisanga and it's a wonderful
Wednesday. So for today's episode I wanted to revisit my mindful music segment. This is
where I select a snippet of lyrics from a certain song and then I discuss what the lyrics
in the song means to me. And as you probably know or can imagine, there's usually a life
lesson involved and or a mention of mindfulness. And as I always say, this is my personal interpretation
that you may or may not agree with. And that's okay of course. But all the same, I want you
to open your mind and perspective just a bit and see what comes up for you. Okay, so
here are today's lyrics. I can't be bothered making conversation with the friends that
I don't know. So as I stated at the end of yesterday's episode, I wanted to talk about
the other end of the spectrum in regards to friendship. And that's when friendships
change or end altogether. And that's the essence that I feel when I hear these lyrics.
For me, I get a sense that this person no longer has the same connection with the friends
that he wants new. And there's a sense of frustration or even anger or resentment that's
present. I can't be bothered making conversation with the friends that I don't know. I'm reminded
of a client that I once had when I was practicing psychotherapy. This client, let's call him
Kwame, was having a hard time dealing with the changes his friendships were going through.
Kwame was in his early 30s as well most of his friends. And he had kind of like a little
crew of friends, about six of them. And it was comprised of both men and women. Well,
little by little things started to change. A couple of them got married, a couple more
moved away for graduate school and for work. And then a couple more actually had children.
All in all, things changed drastically with the crew's friendship dynamics. And according
to Kwame, it felt like the changes happened overnight super rapidly. Next thing Kwame knew
he was all alone or he no longer felt the same connection that he once had with his crew.
He stated that he felt lost and abandoned, angry and resentful. I can imagine today's
lyrics pertained at least a little bit to how Kwame was feeling. I can't be bothered
making conversation with the friends that I don't know. What made matters worse is that
when Kwame tried to put himself out there and make new friends, he found it extremely difficult.
He either felt forced or it felt like, as he stated, themed friendships like work friends
or gym friends, but not the authentic and deep friendship he once had with his crew.
So being that I was the therapist here, I said to Kwame, what my therapist would say to
me. Let's talk about it.
So we're all aware that life is full of faces and often they don't align with our close
friends. It's natural to feel a sense of disconnect when your friends are having babies
and you're still figuring out your career. Or when they're planning weddings while you're
navigating singlehood. You might find yourself feeling left behind or struggling to find
coming ground with your old friends and that's what was happening with Kwame. This sense
of being out of sync can also sometimes lead to feelings of loneliness and even anxiety.
You might start to create thoughts like, what's wrong with me? Why am I not where everyone
else is? But here's the truth. There's nothing wrong with you or how you're feeling. Remembering
that life doesn't follow a strict timeline and each person's journey is unique. Accepting
this concept can be extremely difficult and thus, we're mindfulness plays an important
role.
As we know, mindfulness is about being present in the moment, accepting things as they
are and cultivating a sense of awareness without judgment. I distinctly remember Kwame
saying to me, yes, Ksunga, I know this, but how does it help when I feel alone or like
I'm being left behind? Well, let's talk about it.
First, mindfulness can help you to embrace the current phase that your life is in without
comparing it to others. It's so easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others,
especially with social media showing us everyone's highlight reals. But mindfulness invites
you to focus on your own journey, appreciating the beauty and the value of your experiences,
even if they differ from those of your friends, and also accepting things as they are now
in the moment, versus how they were or how you want them to be.
In addition, practicing mindfulness can also help you find peace and solitude. Mindfulness
teaches us to be comfortable with our own company. Meditation and deep breathing exercises
can calm the mind and reduce feelings of anxiety, allowing you to find a sense of contentment
in the present moment with yourself. And it also encourages non-judgmental observation
of your thoughts and feelings. And lastly, by cultivating a consistent mindfulness
practice, you'll be able to better recognize when new opportunities present themselves.
When you're fully present, you're more likely to notice opportunities to meet new people,
and to build new meaningful relationships. Mindfulness can help you approach new social interactions
with curiosity and openness, rather than forcing a specific outcome or theme. And you may
build some appreciation for the new relationship that you have with your old friends.
Okay, I'm going to pause there for today. I hope this was helpful if you happen to find
yourself in this phase of change. Also, always remembering to be gentle with yourself, and
maybe checking out the approaching change meditation in the app.
So at the end of the episode, I always reveal what song the lyrics came from. Today's
lyrics are from a song called Just Getting Older by Oasis. And as always, please send
any questions my way to my Instagram at Ksunga Gisgumbe, or email me at AskKsunga at
Headspace.com. Alright, take care for now. Peace.
