Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast You know, I've been in a really reflective mood lately I'm always that way this time of year and so I decided to just look back over the year and think about The moments on the podcast that had the biggest impact on me you know the ones
where I was really moved or An expert challenged me to think about a topic an entirely new way or they shared a tool that fundamentally changed my approach to something and so I've decided to gather up my favorite moments today and share them with you and You're about to meet the six experts and you're
gonna hear the moments from the Mel Robbins podcast that Fundamentally changed my life and I promise you they're gonna change your life, too Running a small business takes endurance determination and the right support to reach your goals and Mastercard is here to help fuel that journey in a fast -paced
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Representatives will work with you to ensure you have the right coverage in place Amica will provide you with peace of mind go to Amica comm and get a quote today Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast It is always such an honor to be able to spend time together with you and today
in particular I think our time is going to be extraordinarily moving and the reason why I'm saying that is because I have been thinking a lot about the last year on the podcast and I wanted to compile The top moments with experts on this podcast over the last year that truly moved me That impacted my
life that made me look at a very important topic in life in an entirely new way That inspired me to change something not just change it but to change it for good And so i'm so excited to be able to share with you moments with six experts that changed my life And if you're brand new to the Mel Robbins
podcast somebody sent you this episode.
This is an absolutely Extraordinary episode to listen to as your very first episode I want to welcome you to the Mel Robbins podcast family and it's real honor to have you here and i'm absolutely Thrilled to be able to share These meaningful moments with you of course There's no better place for me
to start for me When dr Dodie hopped on a plane and flew All the way across the united states to join me in our boston studios and let me tell you a little bit about him And then i'm going to tell you About what you're going to hear Dr.
Jim Dodie is a pioneering Stanford neurosurgeon and by pioneering I mean the man has actually created a spinal surgery technique that has transformed spinal surgery He's also a world -renowned neuroscientist.
He's founded a bunch of companies He's also the founder and the director of the Stanford center for compassion and altruism research and education And the former chairman of the Dalai Lama foundation Now dr Dodie was in our studios to talk about his work and research on the topic of manifesting That's
right. We're learning about the process of manifesting from a neurosurgeon and he just Opened my eyes To the topic of manifesting in ways that I cannot wait to share with you because I believe in manifesting But learning about how there are four different parts of your brain that you're using when you're
manifesting It was just mind -blowing and empowering So the first thing I want to share with you from that conversation with dr Dodie is a story that he shared at the very beginning of our conversation Where he describes being a 12 year old kid He grew up in a house where there was a lot of conflict
and fighting and he would hop on his bike And rides his bike is far away from the stuff going on in the household that he grew up in and one day Hands up at this magic shop and it changed the trajectory of his life Because of how the woman working in that magic shop taught him as a 12 year old And i'm
going to play this in just a minute for you to listen to but the reason why this is so important Is that I believe that we are all equipped to help one another In fact, I think that you're best equipped to help the person that you once were And it's very clear to me That when this 12 year old version of jim
dodie walked into the magic shop The woman working there saw a kid who needed someone to care and that right there Changed the trajectory of his entire life.
I walked into a magic shop and met a woman who Looked at me as a human being And So many people make judgments about people And they don't recognize The past or the problems or the adversities they faced and Everybody deserves to be listed So this woman in this magic shop She was a radiant being She
had a smile a presence that made you feel safe and this is a key psychological safety To down regulate your stress response and she made me feel okay She didn't look down on me and I was 12 as a 12 year old She looked at me as an equal eye to eye and That interaction with her changed the trajectory
of my life because it changed how I saw the world Having somebody take the time to Look at you see you Appreciate what you are and taking that interest it's Very meaningful And I try never to take that for granted and even and I hope every interaction you understand that uh A lot of people are suffering
they're carrying baggage from their past and that baggage is limiting them and oftentimes just Listening to somebody can profoundly change their lives because that's what people want to be heard And sometimes it's just hello.
Sometimes it's just a hug So I always tell people never forget your own ability to change somebody's life And also to recognize that oftentimes how somebody is interacting with you has nothing to do with what's going on It has to do with the baggage.
They're caring and so give people a benefit of a doubt and so You know if you grew up in a background like mine Typically, they're two paths One is the path you become an alcoholic drug abuser have mental health issues The other issue over excel right overachieve Then the path of the overachiever gets
Bifurcated there's one group Who say nobody helped me I did this all myself.
Uh, i'm not going to help anybody else Then you have the other group which I probably typify and maybe excessively Where I understand the pain people go through uh And very deeply So, uh I'm very attuned to that It's beautiful You know, it really moved me to see just how in tune he is with this simple
idea that Everyone deserves to be seen And I want to underscore something And it's this Never forget your own ability to change someone else's life I really do believe you have the power to help yourself and to help someone else And that's one of the reasons why I show up here Every single week and it's
why i'm so grateful that you and I get to spend time together Because that's what we're doing We're helping one another to feel seen To understand the simple things that we can do to lift each other up And so once I wiped away the tears We got down to the topic that dr Dodie was there to talk about which is manifesting
Now manifesting is something that I believe in and it's not just closing your eyes and hoping that a pony shows up Manifesting is the process where you intentionally Align your thoughts with what you truly want in life And when you do it properly You are programming your mind your body your spirit your
nervous system your brain To help you get these things It doesn't mean you don't do the work It just means you're aligning your own body and mindset To help you do the work and I love manifesting.
It is a tool that I use but dr Dodie Was the very first person to point out A huge mistake that everybody makes when they're manifesting And he's a neuroscientist So he can not only explain the four different parts of the brain that you're using when you're visualizing and when you're Thinking about and allowing
yourself to feel the things in your life that you want to have happen But the major mistake that we're all making.
Oh my gosh, wait to hear this You're manifesting when you're stressed out Like you're driving to work at traffic's all backed up and you're gripping the wheel and you're closing your eyes as traffic stops You're like, I just want to beach out in a million dollars Doesn't work that way If you're single
and you're like constantly bummed and on edge and you know You think dating's toxic and you're allowing some stranger who just ghosted you to deplete your self -esteem Manifesting the love of your life not going to work Dr.
Dodie said and this is something i'd never known that in order for you to manifest properly You have to be calm Which to me makes sense, but it was also a revelation Wow Who knew?
Well, I guess we do now and so I want to bring you to the point Where dr.
Dodie has explained no, you got to be calm and this is the part people miss You want to manifest something?
You got to get intentional about what you want You got to drop yourself into a calm state and then That's when you start to write it down.
That's when you visualize it and so I I asked dr Dodie you're like the king of this stuff and you're a neurosurgeon and neuroscientist.
So tell us What's your process?
What do you do when you wake up to put yourself in a state to manifest because he had explained?
Oh, I manifest from the moment.
I wake up i'm like, okay Well help us do the same thing and this is what he said So let me start with the morning first every morning I wake up and I sit at the side of the bed and I do a breathing exercise And the very nature of that breathing exercise shifts me Into the parasympathetic nervous system.
What is the breathing exercise?
It's just slowly breathing in through the nose Holding it for four seconds slowly letting it out and I do this for a minute or two you can sit you can lay down There's nothing that is prescriptive and this is where people get lost about mindfulness practices They somehow think you have to sit like a buddha and do
this and they get all anxious about it There's no reason to be anxious at all It's just to find a place where you feel comfortable And then I go through this breathing exercise of slowly breathing in for four to six seconds holding it for four to six seconds Slowly letting it out through the mouth And
then that shifts me into the parasympathetic nervous system or strengthens where i'm already at And then I think of the joy and awe of being in this world And I just sit with that for a minute or two and that centers me for the day And if i'm centered looking through that lens Then that actually creates
the environment for me to manifest because I am in the right mindset.
I'm calm. I'm thoughtful I'm thinking about others I'm not self -focused and the very nature of that allows me to manifest now I was going to mention in the evening all of us have goals all of us have intentions and you can prioritize them from ones that are Modeling important moderately important incredibly
important in the time frames And uh, and then you focus on them and what I will do is I will again write them down Whatever the top three are and then i'll go through the exact same exercise I mentioned which is to write them down to repeat it silently to repeat it aloud to see it happening and uh And
over and over and over again all of those things strengthen the power And put you in the right mindset to have the greatest likelihood of you manifesting your intention And the very nature of that puts you in the right mental state where you don't feel you have to hide Yourself where you don't feel
that you have to put on a show for everybody about how successful you are And we're just you're just feeling comfortable with who you are and accept yourself And the hardest hardest part for so many people Is accepting themselves as they are Not be lost in how they want to be Or lost in what could have been
and this is also a thing that distracts you from the energy you have to change things Because if you spend 80 percent of your time on the past and the future that hasn't happened lamenting Then you can never be present to actually make things happen and this is the key you have to be present you have to
be authentic You have to understand your past and you have to understand that When you want something to manifest?
Yes, it is a future intention But it's not something to get lost in it's something simply to sit with Instead of be pathologically focused on as an example I'm sure you've seen people who have sacrificed everything to get to the top of the mountain Well, they've sacrificed everything to get to the top
of the mountain to stand there by themselves Well, what was the purpose of that?
Our purpose in life is connection It's not to so be focused that you don't have any connections and you're walking alone It's to connect with people.
I mean many many of the aspects of what we're talking about Are the journey with others not necessarily standing by yourself I love that I love that you can not only use neuroscience and these simple techniques to calm yourself down and then leverage the power of your brain to start to Imagine the things
that you want in your life But that there's also this reminder That everything in life is way better when you're sharing it with other people And that's why I wanted to start with dr.
Jim Bodey I mean, I just have not stopped thinking about him since he walked out of our studio I feel like the exact same things that he's just shared with you About your ability to help another person is why you and I are here It's why you're sharing these episodes and it's why i'm so proud to call you
my friend And i'm also grateful that you know, you didn't see him if you're not watching on youtube But he's like this tall guy with white hair and these big black glasses like mine and you can tell he's just like super Confident and if you saw him at a cocktail party, you would never say to yourself.
Oh, that's a dude that manifests so to have him sit down and Be so emotional and moved By how much suffering there is And how it doesn't have to be that way That there are simple tools that you can use like manifesting like calming yourself down that can help you Change the way that you think it can help
you see bigger possibilities.
It can help you ease your own suffering and I just am grateful that dr.
Doty Took the time to be here to teach both of us that and Since one of my favorite moments ended with dr Doty reminding us that the journey of life is something that we're doing with other people That brings me to the second person this year that has had a lasting impact on me and his work centers
around how to be a better communicator In a way that brings you closer to people and allows you to have the hard conversations because the fact is You got to have hard conversations to make your relationships better And that person that i'm talking about is none other than the amazing jefferson fisher
Now jefferson fisher is a seasoned trial lawyer But he's gained millions of followers online because he sits in the front seat of his car in between his cases in court giving straightforward powerful communication advice And what I love about jefferson is he's got this just kind of soft spoken way Of
teaching you how to be articulate and persuasive and tactful And to stand your ground And i've been following him for a long time and i've watched him just explode on social media And so i'm proud that he jumped on a plane from texas.
He came to our boston studios and he taught you and me How the power of what you say and what you don't say Shapes who you are that your words matter And he is just the king of practical insights when it comes to how do you speak up?
When do you say silent?
What do you do if somebody's gaslighting you and my favorite topic that I covered with jefferson Is how do you actually set up a difficult conversation?
Okay And it turns out i've been doing it all wrong and you probably have too because when you think about having to sit down with somebody and Have a conversation that you're really nervous about and you know, that's true because you've been avoiding it like the plague You probably dance around it.
Well jefferson says that's exactly what you shouldn't do And so i'm gonna have you listen to him I want you to imagine You are about to walk into somebody's office And there's going to be that hard conversation in the room And let's just say it's a topic of something that is it's bad news Put your mind
wherever it is and you walk in and somebody goes So, uh, so how are you?
How are you lately?
You've been good pickleball games?
All right. Well, that's that's good.
Well, um Your family's good Well listen, uh, hey, uh, I have something that we've been talking about and listen I know it's not that big of a deal and I want you to understand you're making me panic Exactly listening to jefferson because of that fear of the unknown.
No versus let's say the different scenario.
Okay, you come in Say thank you for meeting with me Well, I have bad news You deliver that bad news versus this isn't going to be a fun conversation You say that This isn't going to be fun for us to talk about this.
Isn't my favorite conversation I have you prepare them for it Often you're afraid to disappoint people And what that really is is you don't believe that they have enough emotional resiliency to handle it.
So you need to To baby them to tiptoe into the water instead of dipping right in and people will admire you more They will see you as somebody with more respect and more confidence every time when you say what you want to say fully I didn't even know what to say Because he's right And my entire life
i'm 56 years old. I have handled this wrong Because first of all if I have something hard I need to say to somebody or I have to give somebody some difficult feedback or I got to sit somebody down and just tell them Yep, i'm not going to do what you need me to do or I don't want to be in this relationship
anymore I do tiptoe around it.
I am afraid of the other person's reaction Sometimes I don't want to deal with the reaction and that's why I kind of do that thing where you try to like make it softer than it needs to be But he's right, isn't he?
Imagine my favorite thing is this isn't my favorite thing to talk about This is not something I want to be having a conversation with you about right now This is not going to Be a good conversation I have bad news I mean just saying that You feel kind of powerful because you're just putting it out there
and I love what he also reminded you and me of it's true People will respect you if you respect them enough to just tell them the truth And when you tell somebody hey, this isn't my favorite conversation, but I need to tell you the truth What happens is you're also saying I believe in your ability to
handle the truth and I respect you enough to give it to you and that was An eye opener for me and i've been using it ever since And so the next thing that really struck me about jefferson and you know If you haven't heard the episode the link is in the notes Section in the show description wherever
it is that you're listening to this conversation or watching on youtube right now That tone of voice that he has He didn't modulate The entire conversation There's so much power in being in control of your words And I don't know about you, but there are moments in life where somebody says something
that's sort of like a backhanded compliment Or they are a little belittling Like oftentimes I find that that happens a lot where people will make a remark about my success And then they'll kind of cut chris down my husband and be like must be nice to have your wife pay all the bills And i've never known
how to respond And neither is chris when somebody kind of belittles you that way or says something backhanded.
Well now I do Thanks to jefferson And here's what he had to say is the way you need to handle it the next time somebody says something that you find offensive Or belittling when somebody is belittling you or giving you a Insultment hurtful comment You make them say it again Because what they're hoping
to do in that belittling comment is get that reaction out of you And instead you find a way to take all the fun out of it So when you ask them to repeat what they said You're not giving them that hit of dopamine that they're expecting from your reaction They're not getting that that response time from you
instead. You're delaying that gratification for them Then it's just not worth it Then it's just not fun And so when you ask them to repeat it to say I need you to say that again We need to role play this sure.
Um, i'm trying to think of a scenario like you just said right there.
Um, you're still single I need you to repeat that.
Yeah you so Exactly.
I'm not gonna want to say that again because now that spotlight is on me And then also what you'd lead up with that is you ask questions of intent.
For example. Did you say that to hurt me?
And now it's this mirror that they feel like why did I say that?
Oh, okay. And then they start to backtrack then you don't have to say anything so if Somebody says to you.
Uh, oh so you're still single I need you to say that again Most likely they're not going to say that again But if they do then you can even repeat what they said I'm still Single that's what you ask me And all of a sudden they realize this isn't fun They're not going to ask that kind of thing again Wow,
or you just asked that question of did you say that to embarrass me?
Did you say that to offend me?
Oh, no, no, no. I didn't say that What I meant was and all of a sudden they're backing away because they know you're insting your ground Tell you what?
We're all taking jefferson fisher with us to every family interaction because We got instigators in our family, you know the kind of people that Oh, i'm just kidding.
Oh, I didn't mean it that way.
You don't need to be so sensitive.
I love this I need you To say that again I can't wait for somebody to turn to me and chris and take a jab at chris Oh must be nice to be married to mel and not have to do anything all day I need you to say that again Are you saying that to belittle me?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, like all of a sudden It's not that fun anymore Man, I love jefferson fisher.
Don't you love jefferson fisher?
He made a huge impact on my life this year.
And so Wow Well, there are four more experts.
We're just getting started that have had a profound impact on me this year And you're going to meet him after we take a very short break so you can hear a word from our amazing sponsors Don't you dare go anywhere because I got more of my favorite moments and they're going to be your favorite moments
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It's your friend mel robins and today i'm sharing with you a few of my favorite moments from the last year on the mel robins podcast and these are moments with experts where I was either really moved Or I learned something that fundamentally changed how I either deal with a specific situation or how
I look at a particular issue So we've already covered.
Dr That you have the power to help someone else Simply by being kind to somebody He also told us that you got to be calm If you're going to try to manifest and that's not just advice.
It's neuroscience We also learned from jefferson fisher Simple things you can say to take your power back when somebody is trying to take your power away I need you to say that again I think i'm going to talk in that slow Kind of draw that he has that just feels powerful, doesn't it?
Well, i'm going to tell you what else is powerful and that is when I got to sit down with doctor rebecca robins Now dr.
Rebecca is a professor at harvard medical school and she is a leading researcher on sleep and circadian rhythms at brigham and women's hospital Dr.
Robbins has earned her phd from cornell and completed postdoctoral training at nyu and harvard specializing in sleep and circadian disorders Now if you wanted to see her In her private practice like we're talking years to get into her sleep clinic Her research is the research that people that write
books about sleep are citing.
So she is the og when it comes to sleep And one of the things that I noticed immediately Is her voice Is so soothing.
I mean we need a sleep app with dr.
Robbins voice on it But she showed up and shared actionable science -based strategies That are going to help you have better sleep overall.
That's going to boost your energy your focus and your overall well -being And one of the things that she talked about there are two moments that i'm going to share with you that really changed How I think about sleep And what I do at night to get ready for sleep And the first thing that we talked about Is that you
know, I don't know what you're like, but 10 o 'clock is my bedtime Do you know what time?
I climb in bed 10 o 'clock.
Do you know what time I think I should be asleep 10 o 'clock I I literally go from A hundred miles an hour running around the house to 10 o 'clock.
I'm right in my bed Dr.
Robbins is like major mistake Check this out One of my favorite tips for a great night's sleep is this idea that routine is absolutely queen And we're really not meant to keep different sleep schedules as human beings Um falling asleep at 2 a .m One night 10 p .m The next understand how vitally important
consistency is in our sleep routines Because then our brain and our body starts to understand when it should be tired and you know When it should be awake and then it allows ourselves to better organize Ourselves and get a lot out of our sleep episode the best sleep comes when we're getting consent
keeping our sleep times consistent So falling asleep at the same time and waking up as close to the same time as possible So is that takeaway number one?
Then climbing into bed So you have a consistent time that you're signaling that you're going to start the process of falling asleep And having your alarm ring at roughly the same time is one of the first things that we want to do Absolutely, and I think we're slaves to our alarm clocks Yes, but we don't
really talk about the wind down times kind of like a fuzzy idea a fuzzy game plan It's not a okay 10 30 is when i'm going to start to power down.
I'm going to get off my phone I'm gonna boil a cup of a small cup of tea herbal tea and then start my bedtime Ritual and wind down routine which is an essential part of sleep.
We always think, you know, oh, you know Now now it's time now now it feels pretty good for sleep, but it really it takes time You know just listening to her I'm like, I know she didn't mean it this way, but i'm like mel you dummy like like why do you think?
You can sprint from the kitchen fully clothed in your clogs while you're texting your kids Goodnight and turning off the lights and then literally do you get undressed by the side of your bed?
I get undressed by the side of my bed.
I do And then I climb in and then I lay there It's like Because there's no buffer And when you hear her tell you the truth and the science about needing a simple wind down routine It just makes sense doesn't it?
And I thought mel you deserve that.
I mean on the nights where you take a bath woman You crawl into that bed Just like you did when you were a kid all swaddled up and warm and you just whoo You just fall right asleep Why are you not?
Doing this every night And so I asked dr.
Robbins. I was like, okay Yes, i'm in I I want I want that cup of tea I want that wind down routine and so I said, you know, dr.
Robbins is one of the leading sleep researchers on the planet in clinical practice Running the sleep web What is your?
wind down routine And just take a listen to what she had to say because I think you will never look At your evening routine the same ever again My wind down routine is one thing that I am very diligent about and it's not complex, but i'm very Diligent about the time I do my best, you know, I try to
get all my computer stuff done And then I put my boys to bed and then it's 8 30 and then I am switching my mindset And it's time for mama to go to bed and there are days where I need to be working and plug back in but the best case scenario is My boys are down and then I do a couple maybe I clean up
a tiny bit around the house I start to turn the lights off and then I go upstairs and I turn my phone off I wash my face I take a shower And then I do one breathing exercise.
I sit cross -legged on the ground in my bedroom And turning lights off as I kind of move into the bedroom And I do one breathing exercise and I don't set an alarm But I just kind of do it until I feel like i've gotten rid of that busy mind You know that has served me so well over the course of the day
And sometimes that's five times on busier more stressful days.
Sometimes that's seven rounds of this but it's the The military breathing technique so I breathe in through my nose for a count of four I hold for seven And then I exhale purse my lips for eight And those times are longer than you think right the seven and the eight really like you're kind of Fighting
for the breath at the end and that's the benefit of that technique It restricts and restrains the breath and can help calm the heart rate and calm your mind And now while i'm doing that thoughts are flying in because of course what I forgot to do or I need to do And I come back to this idea of No, not now
Now is my time i've done things for my students My partner my kids all day and now is my time to restore and relax And if anything any thoughts are still fighting to the surface I write those down in my nightstand So i've done the four seven eight technique and that I mosey into my my bed.
I read a couple pages in a book I do Progressive muscle relaxation I clench and release every muscle group starting in the from the toes and I inhale clench And then exhale release And I really kind of add on to that Something like something that i'm letting go heaviness or a thought that's not serving
me And then I say a prayer and I go to sleep And it doesn't happen every night, but that's my ritual and I use the word ritual Purposefully because you want to cultivate a ritual a ritual is something you do every time And so it's thoughtful.
It's you know, one two three boom sleep is next for you listening What are the three things that you can do tonight and tomorrow night and really institute as your ritual?
That you can ideally also take on the road when you travel And be diligent try to do those every single night because then what the brain starts to understand is what comes next to sleep Oh my gosh So here's what i've done with that I think about what are the three things That I can do every night no matter
where I am and I want you to think about these three things too.
Take her invitation Because she did speak directly to you What are three things you can do?
Every single night that kind of become your wind -down routine that signal to you that it's time And for me, the first thing is I always draw bath like that's my new ever since dr.
Robbins I do not miss it.
In fact when I go to a hotel I beg for a room with a bathtub And I know that might kind of gross you out if it looks kind of dingy I'll just wash it before I climb into it But I love a bath and if I can't have a bath i'll take a shower And when I start drawing the bath or I turn on the shower That's
my signal to plug my phone in for the night And to just turn off the screen and leave it in the bathroom And then I take the bath And when i'm done with the bath this may be getting a little too personal here I don't know if I should be telling you this but I while i'm soaking wet I put lotion all over
my body because I feel like it locks in the moisture and I want really smooth skin So there you have it.
There's my skincare tip And then I just climb into bed I turn off the light and before I drift off to sleep The final thing I do is I put my hand on my heart and I close my eyes and I think about three things That went really well today Because your brain Will find what you ask it to look for and this kind
of goes back to the dr.
Doty manifesting piece That at the end of the day with this routine Especially after a hot shower bath and without a phone anywhere near me And now that i'm climbed into like my cozy sheets and i've got my hand in my heart.
I'm calm, aren't I?
And so as I go through the day and I think about three things that went well or three things that i'm grateful for This is a form of manifesting because i'm training my mind to default on what's good And that helps me continue to see things that are good and usually I kind of drift right off to sleep,
but I think the most encouraging thing that dr.
Robbins did share is that Sleeping is a skill And you can take intentional simple steps That she shares in that episode To learn how to be a better sleeper that's available to you and it's one of the core pillars of creating a better life And so here's what we're gonna do.
We are going to hit the pause.
We're gonna hear a word from our amazing sponsors I want you to share this episode with people in your life that you care about Whether it's because they need to hear the part about manifesting or they need the strategies from jefferson fisher Or they've been complaining that they haven't been getting
a great night's sleep I mean the gift of the world's Leading sleep researcher.
It's free Just share this episode and don't go anywhere because after you hear a word from our sponsors, you know what's going to happen I'm gonna kick it up a notch because we've got three more amazing people That i'm going to introduce you to one of whom is trent chelton former nfl player does not fool
around Everything that comes out of that man's mouth is like a truth bomb meets a soul slap Whatever that means, but you know, we're going to be picking it up and we're going to be dropping the truth and you are going to feel Motivated and inspired because trent chelton is coming next and we're talking
about your personal power We're talking about protecting your peace and he's going to give you his three -step guide to having better boundaries.
So stay with me I wouldn't be who I am today without the guidance of amazing mentors And if you really think about it, it's probably true for you, too Maybe it's your mom your sister your brother your friend or a coach or someone in your community Whoever it is.
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24th And you can round up your purchase in store and donate to big brothers big sisters online shop at macy's com Do you know what the heck is in your laundry detergent?
I didn't either until I actually took the time to read the label All free clear is the number one laundry detergent brand recommended by dermatologists allergists and pediatricians for sensitive skin It provides an effective clean that's gentle on skin while removing impurities like dirt and body oil
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for details Welcome back.
It's your friend mel robins today I'm sharing my favorite moments with experts that appeared on the mel robins podcast in the past year And i've got six people that really touched my heart They changed my mind.
They gave me the tools that I needed to Approach situations in my life differently and the next person that i'm thrilled to introduce you to is a very dear friend of mine His name is trent chelton Trent is a former nfl player and he is also an extraordinary motivational speaker and new york times best
selling author now I love trent And we're constantly texting back and forth and sharing ideas about business and life and parenting and after his nfl career Trent became a powerful voice in personal growth and he inspires millions of people to claim their power and change their lives He reaches over
60 million people every single week and his book protect your piece new york times best seller He hopped on a plane and flew all the way from texas and arrived in our boston studios and holy cow Like an nfl coach he was ready to go And what was the topic?
He wants to set the record straight about what you're accepting in life And your power to change The dynamic between you and other people the power that you have to protect your piece And so I want you to sit up straight and take a listen because i'm going to pass the mic to my friend trent i'm a believer
And i'm sure there's exceptions to certain rules that People will consistently and continuously give you Which you allow them to give you I believe that you're in control of two things in this world.
What aren't you give?
Nobody can stop you giving anything and what you accept So if I was like mail, you know, this is a couple poison drink it like you know like you wouldn't accept that And it's crazy because I feel like emotionally We accept so many emotional poisons in our life that we don't have to accept.
Nobody can force you to accept it And the first thing it starts with again.
We go back to setting that boundary Saying no Boundaries are not walls to keep things out.
We hear the word boundary we think oh, boundaries are bad thing and It's toxic and no boundaries aren't walls to keep things out Boundaries are bridges to let the right things in Oh That was Boundaries are not walls to keep things out It can be if somebody makes it a wall where they disrespect your
boundary over and over then it becomes a wall Like hey, i'm blocking you from my phone.
Leave me alone. I'm blocking you but boundaries aren't walls To keep things out They're bridges to let the right things in That's in relationships that's in marriage that's like it makes it more beautiful me and my wife We've set boundaries with each other that makes it more beautiful.
I give her her time on self -care day She gives me my time my hours and we're better for our kids and our family when we come back to that Do I want to every minute of her life?
Yes, I want to know I don't want you to go out there, babe But I realize that's what she needs friendships boundaries your work boundaries and The thing that I see is that so many people aren't setting boundaries or they're setting boundaries and not standing on their boundaries So if you're the go
-to person for everybody else, but you can't go to anybody set a boundary say hey If you can't do this for me, i'm not doing this for you.
No more unapologetically If you're the person that's always being there for everybody if you're somebody's 2 a .m And they call you with all their problems.
Oh my gosh Instead of boundary.
Hey, you know what?
If you're not going to take my advice don't call me no more with your problems If I can't call you at 2 a .m.
I call you you sleep I'll get the do not disturb Then set that boundary and boundaries aren't a mean thing It's a necessary thing to protect your peace and to protect your energy because as we said at the beginning of this episode You don't give it an infinite amount of energy To use like no, it's a battery
If we're honest some of us protect our phone battery more than we do our soul battery so true.
So To bring this back Set boundaries and look at boundaries as bridges and I think it will change your life when you ask yourself What you need can I get my three -step process with that, please?
Let's go Number one when you're setting boundaries first ask yourself What do you need in your life right now?
Write that down. Whatever it is Peace I need sanity.
I need better friends, whatever it is number two Then ask yourself What boundary do you need to set do I need to set?
That will lead me to what I need Okay, the number three, which is probably the most important Why do I have to?
Not want to why do I have to stick to this boundary and this boundary is something that can't budge And write that down.
What is it costing you?
I like to call it opportunity costs What is it going to cost you not to stick to this boundary?
Your future your peace, maybe your mom and you keep saying yes to everybody else and you're frustrated Now your kids get that maybe your dad and you're doing all the things and you can't be the man You need to be for your wife and your family What is it costing you?
Because it's costing you way more than you think get clear on that and start there You tell people how to treat you by what you accept You tell people how to treat you by what you continuously accept That's right, Trent And none of us want to see that right?
We want to blame other people But I love that Trent walked you and me step by step Through how you can think about boundaries and why you need them And I'll tell you why because your piece is worth protecting And the thing that I keep thinking about over and over and over again Did you catch that part
where you talked about your?
energy is a battery And that you spend more time trying to protect your iphone and recharging your smartphone Than you do protecting your own energy and recharging your own battery And that's why i've come back to this over and over and over again It's also one of the reasons why I love the let them
theory so much Because let them when you say let them You know what?
That is that's a boundary You're drawing a boundary and saying I recognize that this is not a situation that I care to drain my energy over So i'm going to let them And the second part when you go let me let me focus on what's in my control Let me focus on what I want to say think and do let me Protect
my peace and preserve my energy and recharge myself That's a boundary too And so I just want to thank Trent for Giving you permission And showing up here with a level of urgency and honesty to say You tell people how to treat you by what you continuously accept So let them And start focusing on yourself
because it's going to make you a heck of a lot happier And speaking of happiness that brings me to the fifth person this year I just find myself reflecting on this conversation a lot.
Who am I talking about?
Talking about dr. Tal ben shahar Dr.
Tal ben shahar is a globally recognized authority on happiness He's known for his groundbreaking research on goals motivation and well -being And he also taught two of harvard's most popular courses ever taught and those courses are positive psychology in the psychology of leadership Making his work
foundational in the study of happiness He is also the best -selling author of eight books.
That's incredible Where he distills complex psychology into practical insights and empowers people worldwide to pursue a more fulfilling life Now he rolled into our boston studios and I got to tell you I don't know what was in the air But one of the reasons why I remember this and you're going to hear
it in the best of bloopers at the end of this episode Is the cameras kept breaking.
It was almost like there were poltergeists in the studio I'm sitting here with the world -renowned expert in happiness.
He's got a big smile on his face click camera turn off Oh my gosh, we laugh click camera turns off.
Oh my gosh, it happened like 17 times and you want to know what?
He's the real deal He just sat there smiling because he knows the meaning of happiness and he taught it to us in the conversation And it was in this conversation That he revealed the major mistake That I had been making around happiness and you might too now.
I think i'm like a very happy person I'm a very optimistic person And up until this conversation I had been trying To be a happy person And then he comes out of nowhere And shares this piece of advice I learned that every morning when I would wake up and say to myself.
Oh mel You're going to be happy today I was actually doing something wrong.
Check this out Research done quite quite recently by professor moss ma us showing that if I wake up in the morning and say to myself I want to be happy or happiness is important for me or It's a value for me.
I will actually become less happy what?
Which is really That was exactly my reaction.
That's a problem, you know And you know, I read about this, you know five years ago and I said, but you know That's what i'm dedicating my life to of course happiness is important for me and yet what the research clearly shows Is that?
This will make you less happy.
So does this mean we should Kid ourselves say to ourselves, you know, I don't want to be happy wink wink.
I actually do Self -deception is certainly not the path to happiness.
So what do we do about it?
Well, let me use an analogy that was very helpful for me in thinking about happiness.
Imagine you go outside It's a it's a beautiful sunny day And you want to enjoy the sun so you look up at the sun directly What happens you hurt yourself?
It burns it hurts you tear up So looking at the sun directly hurts.
However, what if? You take a prism and you break the sunlight And then you look at what has just been broken In other words the colors of the rainbow then you can look at the the sunlight and enjoy it But you're looking at it indirectly.
It's the same with happiness Pursuing it directly and saying I want to be happy happiness is important for me that that will make us unhappy But if I break down happiness Into its metaphorical colors of the rainbow and then pursue it indirectly That is when I can actually become happier.
I want to make sure you really understand the power of this metaphor He's saying that if you and I stare intently At something that we think is going to make us happier Like let's just say you're single and you just think oh my gosh If only I could find the one that i'm going to be happier Or if I can make
more money i'm to be happier if I can find a house to buy that I can i'm going to be happier That that kind of pursuit of it and this intense focus.
It's the same thing as staring at the sun It creates blindness makes you miserable.
You see all these dots that that's not going to make you happy is what he's saying but when you Break apart the sun through a prism It casts a rainbow And if you really stop and think about the power of that idea The sun is a singular thing When you break it apart through a prism and it creates a rainbow
of a full range of colors Think about the massive amount of possibility in that That there are so many things that make you happy That even if you think about the band of purple That the band of purple in a rainbow, it's not just one color of purple It's this Just shades and different hues of purple.
What does that mean?
What he's basically saying to you is first of all happiness is more than one thing Happiness is made up of a bazillion different things that all come together to create this Magnificent thing called a rainbow Don't just stare at the sun When you understand that it is comprised of so many things that are right
around you and available to you You don't have to go for it at all You don't have to stare blindly at one thing.
You can just welcome it in And appreciate all that's around you.
I mean it's just such a cool concept And so I said to him because I started to wonder okay.
I really get this And it's very much changed How I think about this because I can now have one thing that's going really badly like I can have a horrendous day at work or I can get very sad news and then Because I understand that the feeling of happiness in your life isn't the one thing It's actually
all things That I still have the space to stare off at a sunset And allow it in I still have the space to see my dogs playing with one another and to smile and to allow it in That it's not just the thing that you think that's going to make you happy that you can be happier now By allowing yourself to
be because it's all around you and it's in so many things that are right there And so I was really curious.
I'm like, okay What does?
The professor who taught two of the most popular courses ever at harvard What is his definition of happiness?
And so I asked him and this is what dr.
Ben shahar had to say there are five elements To happiness there may be more but five main elements to happiness.
Okay, which we call the spire the spire spire S stands for spiritual well -being Spiritual well -being is about of course, we can attain it through religion But we can also find it through doing something that is meaningful to us purposeful By being mindful by being present we experience the the spiritual
That's one of the colors of the rainbow So if I wake up in the morning and say I want to be happy i'll be less happy But if I wake up in the morning and say I want to find something which is more meaningful to do Or i'm going to meditate for 10 minutes now That is an indirect way of pursuing happiness.
That's one of the colors So that's the s of spire the p of spire that's physical well -being Physical well -being is about nutrition.
It's about About rest and recovery sleep.
It's about touch it's about What we eat That of course matter so if I start to exercise regularly, that's an indirect way of pursuing happiness If I eat more healthfully the same Then we have the I of spire I stands for intellectual well -being That's about curiosity about asking questions about constantly
learning about deep diving Whether it's into a text or a work of art or nature And these are again all indirect ways of pursuing happiness the fourth color of the rainbow the R of spire relational well -being Number one predictor of happiness quality time we spend with people we care about and who care about us
so if I Spend more time with my loved ones indirectly pursuing happiness.
And finally the e of spire emotional well -being Emotional well -being is first of all about giving ourselves the permission to be human in other words embracing painful emotions that are natural part of any life even a happy life sadness anger frustration Allowing these emotions to freely flow through
us Paradoxically actually leads to more happiness.
So these five elements Of happiness spiritual physical intellectual relational and emotional well -being are the metaphorical colors of the rainbow and when we pursue them We're actually pursuing happiness indirectly and becoming happier.
I love that I absolutely love that I guess he must be one of the most popular professors ever at harvard because I certainly learned a lot And his perspective changed the way that I not only view happiness But certainly how I experience it While we're on the topic of happiness Let me just talk about something
that can make you really unhappy And that's not handling your money correctly and it may surprise you that one of my All -time favorite moments of the entire year Happened to be when I sat down with a financial expert I Absolutely loved getting to meet And learn from and spend time with the extraordinary
tiffany elichie Now tiffany flew into our boston studios from atlanta I got to tell you tiffany's a genius like you're literally going to learn you don't need discipline.
You need automation She's going to help you fight your humanness.
She's going to help you figure out what are your wants versus your needs She's going to make you think about a budget like your mother She is also going to tell you there's a moment where it's the truth time tissues and tears, baby But most of all she's a realist.
She's been there her advice is hilarious and it works.
So check this out I want you to think about a budget the way to what I say is like how you think about like your mom, right?
So you've got three kids, right?
Yeah, and so if like say your son's like oh when he's a little mom Can I have dessert you'd say yes after you have dinner?
Or if your daughter says mom, can I go outside to play?
Yes, when you do your homework Or you know, mom.
Can we go on vacation?
Yes If we lower this this, you know, the light bill so your budget is like your mom she's there to say yes when if After so it's really a say yes plan But one that's safely implemented so you can maintain the thing that you want, right?
So you could call it a money list.
That's what I usually start with because people hate that name I like the name money list.
What does a money list mean a budget?
Okay, I Love this reframe because I hear the word budget and I hear no in restriction And you're saying that the budget is how you say yes to what's important.
Yes It's not there actually to tell me no.
It's there to find the yes in the safest way possible.
So for somebody hearing you say that and they're like, but i've never made a budget or I've never stopped the one.
I don't know what my budget should be like.
Where do you begin?
Step one is to write everything down.
Just the words of what do I spend money on don't think about the month just in general So it's like oh the kids oh credit card.
Oh grooming going out like just I want you to just write the words Don't think about the money.
Just words. Okay, so that's the first step one Yes, then step two is now you say D towards on my money list How much am I spending approximately monthly some stuff you'll know like your mortgage or your rent Some stuff you might not be sure gold pull out your bank statement and see on average the last
few months How much you're spending on groceries or eating out or groom or electricity or water?
Yes, or any of those things.
Yeah, you don't even really think oh my god.
I got that bill exactly So then that's within a month frame on average, right?
So that's step two Okay, then step three is to write down how much you make on average every month from all of your areas So maybe you get alimony, maybe you get child support.
Maybe you have a job, whatever that is How much are you making monthly?
Then you add up step four you add up how much you're spending monthly and subtract it from how much you're making monthly I call that the tears and tissue step because usually people get there and they're like And should you do this with a friend yes, we call linda yes Get yourself a linda like so So
literally so I when I used to do one -on -ones We would do all that people'd be like, okay And then I would literally just grab a box of tissues and just put it here because i'm like it's about the water You know, they add it up.
I remember it was a nurse.
I'll never forget Um, i'll call her b and I came to her house and it was beautiful condo And so we did that step and she started crying and she was just like I didn't realize how much over I was spending And she said as a matter of fact, I can't even afford the air condition.
That's all. Can I turn it off?
And I was like, yes Yes So we sat with the fan on because she just turned on the air condition because I was coming over So I was like turn off the ac a fan is fine That tears and tissue step allows you to see what do you need to do now?
and so Let's say you've done that, right?
and you've Made the money list And you see what's coming in and what's coming out here like faced with the reality.
Yeah tears and tissues Yes, and you see that you are Outspending every month what's actually coming in?
What is the next step?
The next step is I want you to categorize your expenses before you get to slash and dash, you know Because that's what people want to do.
I won't need out. I won't yeah, i'm never going to eat again Never going to turn the lights on in this house So i'm like categorize your expenses into three categories one I want you to write a b next to all the bills on your list so bills are if you don't pay it someone's going to come Knocking on your
door and say where's my money?
Right? Yeah. So put a b next to all those things and give me an example I know that sounds like a basic question, but is your mortgage a bill?
Yes mortgage is a bill rent car note Student loans, so if you don't pay you're likely to be sued think about that Gotcha Like when you were like standing at walmart or so far and you're like, yeah 10 % off this and then you're like, oh wait, that's a credit card.
Yes. That's a bill So okay a b next to all your bills Okay, and then and those are really like fixed expenses.
So that way you understand right?
And then I want you to put a u in front of any beam that fluctuates based upon your usage Oh, I love that.
So I call these like the u stands for usage or utility So your student loan does not have a u your mortgage or rent does not have a u but the Water water electricity.
So your usage. Yes the data on your phone Yes And so it's important to separate those two because I want you to You'll see that I want you to understand the level of control you have on these expenses and whatever is not a b or ub Everything else is a c c stands for cash or choice Meaning that you have full choice
of how you spend here.
So grooming might be leftover groceries might be left over Eating out with friends.
Yes. And so entertainment.
Yeah, and so now before you get to slashing I want you to ask yourself Where's most of your money going for many people most of their money might be going to the bees and ubs?
But for some people it's actually all the c's Yes So then I then we have to identify them.
Do you have a don't make enough issue or spend too much issue?
And so if most of your money is going to the bees and ubs You might not make enough so it's not about slashing because it's your bills, you know But if most of your money is going to your c's your choices and your cash expenses Then you probably have a spend too much issue.
So now we need to slash Yes, you know because entertainment and grocery and And all those things where your money is going because what I find is that frugal people want to get more frugal When things are tied i'm like that's not the answer, right?
You know that instead I want you to put your energy toward learning how to earn more if all of your money's going to your Bills because what do we we're cutting the mortgage?
What are we cutting?
That's you know, you know, one of the things that I worry about and i'd be curious to hear your perspective Is that you and I both had the experience of being in college and it's that opening week and literally at the opening Registration fair there were banks with credit card tables you get your snickers
bar when you sign up for one and then it's free money But I worry a lot about The fact that in today's world Particularly for people who are in their 20s and 30s that social media has become Like shopping with a click and you and I had to leave our house To go spend money back in the day.
Yeah, and when I Think about tick tock or instagram every other freaking suggested thing has a shop now button.
Mm -hmm and Stuff gets sent to your house and have you seen?
A big increase because you've been doing this for a while in people in the spending category That spending has gotten so easy because of social media.
It's always in your face.
You always see what you're missing out on There's an influencer that has the product for free who's like this changed my life and click click click It's 11 30 at night.
Yeah. So do you see?
A spike in this or is it over consumption is the new way We all have so much that we don't need.
I mean even I sometimes i'm like tiffany You do not need It's like another like you don't even vacuum and i'm like, but that one is so cool You know and i'm like like this is influencer who are following who I love her because it's so aesthetically, please Yes, but you know the ones that we're like
everything in the kitchen is aesthetic.
Yes. This is these amazon shops Like yes and click through to my amazon A container for the container.
Yes, like well who wants to eat cereal out of a cereal box We want to eat it out of an aesthetically pleasing glass container.
Yes Aesthetically pleasing you don't.
Yes, you know, so it is really hard So that's why I don't believe in leaning so heavily on discipline when it comes to financial Like stick to it atness, you know, what do you believe in that?
I believe automation automation automation That's the new discipline that if we can put systems and automations in place It will help to safeguard you because you're human.
Yeah, so we're not here to fight against your humanness, right?
You know i'm like for budgeting, for example, I do this thing where I call it budget without a budget You go to hr you say hey hr or payroll.
I want to split my money before I get my money Oh, so you at your Company level.
Yes, you basically say X percent of my paycheck is going to go into checking account.
Do you have a particular percentage in mind?
Well, the good thing is people ask me though all the time.
I'm like, well, we don't have to guess money list is right there saying Hello, we know how much you need to put in here You know as i'm listening to her i'm just smiling Doesn't she make you want to do a budget?
You better believe she does And she's going to help you automate it because you deserve to get good with money and she's going to help you How and so I hope that is?
A episode and that segment is something that you share with everybody that you love because everybody needs to hear it And it's fun to listen to but That wasn't the moment that just rocked me to my core It was at the very end after we had spent an hour and a half talking budgets and bills and bankruptcy
and automation I asked her Do you have any final parting wisdom that you'd like to share?
And I Did not see this coming Well, I don't know if you know this, no, but two and a half years ago.
My husband passed away suddenly I did not know from an aneurysm So that sucks and so one thing I learned from that aside from the financial component Which is that we did I want to say 85 to 90 % of the things right?
So I get to just miss him There's not the financial ruin that some of these so many women lose their Partner and their home.
That has not been the case for me But what I did when my therapist calls the gift of grief is that it gave me perspective of what's really important, you know Like that all of this that you're learning today is not for money's sake It's for meaning's sake, you know, like I hope you remember to put that first
and center that like What is the real thing that you're wanting to what end time with family time with friends?
um You know like purpose whatever that is to center that and to use the money to match to it because you might already have enough You know, I didn't know I had enough.
I was like the Driver like oh babe, we could do this and he'd be like, well, I like our house You know, we could get this car, you know, if I work even harder and he's like well The car's paid off.
I like our car his thing was always because I have a stepdaughter, Alyssa He'd always be like well if lissa's good and you're good.
I'm good You know and it took for him passing away to make me realize that It's enough like I have enough.
I spend way more time with family and friends and now You know like so all that I work toward Is to just bring back to center to enough.
I don't need to collect any more like You know, i'm i'm so happy my book made the new york times best seller's list But honestly like what does that even mean?
You know, we're here for flash in the pan and how will you spend that time?
And I hope you spend it like on the things that mean the most connectedness love Purpose and they use your money as one of the tools to help you achieve that life You are a gift to all of us.
Thank you. Thank you For absolutely everything that you poured into us today What's coming up for you I just miss him Oh He was a really good man he still is And he's really proud of you It sounds like he taught you something so much could not teach you when he was still here so much honestly Like I
look back and i'm just like, uh, I mean candidly I see this with so many women who are looking for partnership.
My husband never made over 60 ,000 a year And yet the way he looked after like all of us I mean He called my parents more than I did, you know, like he would like cut my nephew's hair When he passed away There was a little old lady down the street who I'd never met who knocked on my door and said I heard
the gentleman here passed away and I said yes, she said, you know, he'll I'll really miss him He used to rake my lawn and I didn't even know that but that's how he was, you know Sometimes I think that we think more money Like means that we could do more and he was testament that that's you don't need
you can show up fully So I just Yeah, he just I just it's a loss the loss is great but not just mine You know what I mean?
Yeah, and so like i'm just so blessed to have experienced that kind of love I was loved so so so well That even without him being here that love still resonates like through me and around me and the people that he touched So just really fortunate We're really fortunate that we have you Thank you for sharing.
Thank you. You're welcome I um I feel very grateful that you are now my friend.
Thank you. Thank you And the thing is is that when you don't understand money And you were gonna make me cry when you don't understand money and you're really scared about where you are It clouds everything that's important.
Yeah Until it comes crashing in your face and you waste it like, you know And you spend all your emotional energy in that shame.
Yeah And you not only miss the solutions, but you're not present for your life.
Yeah Because it can like, you know, there's so much joy to be had even if you don't have Like it's if you don't have enough for your basic needs, obviously, that's really hard But for many people that's actually not the case.
Yes, you know that we are making ourselves sick and unhappy From a place of like you actually have enough And your kids are right here.
They want to play with you You know, like you actually have enough and your wife wants to like watch a movie with you You know your parents want to see you you actually have enough And it's not going to be until they're gone and you're like I wish I would have you know Yeah, so like i'm fortunate that I
something in me, I mean I believe in a divine power like And a year and a half before drell passed away It was like the sense that came over me like you need to spend A lot of time with your husband like he wasn't sick or anything like that I just was like because I just was working so much I mean my
business had hit eight figures in a year and I was like, oh And then something was like yeah making a lot but also was taking a toll And it was like I think you need to slow down and like focus Here and so I did till the last year and a half of my marriage went from good to great And i'm so grateful
that I listened to that inner thing that's to tiffany so we had like fridays Date nights, I didn't work on fridays and I would stop working at five because he got off at five So we can hang out after work.
I wasn't doing that before I used to work From like seven to ten every day regardless and so I look back at the time and i'm so grateful You know that like he always loved me well and I got to really love him In that time, you know, and so there's not much I regret other than I just wish he was here
Obviously, you know, but I think about our love I think about all the things that we did together.
That's beautiful, you know so yeah, but it's Yeah I'm sorry.
Why are you apologizing?
No, I just don't want to bring the energy down.
You didn't you lifted it up I think you made it way more important.
Honestly. Thank you.
No, thank you. Thank you It wasn't just a moment that moved me thousands of you Took the time to write to me about it.
I'm not even talking about the number of you that commented on it Or that left reviews about that episode Or shared that episode with the people that you love Thousands of you from around the world Took the time to write to me at melrovens .com I mean within days they just came pouring in comments like
this one from jennifer The last few minutes of this hit hard My husband was a financial advisor for a large firm and he had a lot of similar philosophies as tiffany My husband also passed away last year When she broke down, I felt it hard She is so right about spending money on memories I'm planning
a big trip an expensive one With my sons because we've gone through a lot with the loss of their dad It will be so worth every penny because we will remember it forever Our family was so focused on saving and paying off debt That we didn't make those amazing family memories when he was alive And I don't
want to leave this earth without my kids having those memories with me It makes you really stop and think Why are you working so hard?
If you never stop and allow yourself to actually enjoy it I will never forget That conversation with tiffany And it has fundamentally changed the way that I think about money The way I think about the importance of memories and time with the people that you love while you have it And slowing down and allowing
myself to enjoy the time that I have That rainbow that dr tall ben shahar was talking about Because as I often say there's an invisible clock that none of us can see And so while you still got the time I deeply truly hope you choose to make the most of it I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart
for Spending so much time with me this year It's such an honor to be together with you to take walks with you to ride in the car with you And I do not take your trust or the fact that you spend your time and your energy with me lightly It is one of the greatest gifts that i've ever received in my life
And i'm going to do everything I can to make everything that we do next year even more amazing than the topics that we covered this year And in case no one else tells you I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you And I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life And one
of the things that is extraordinarily clear From all of the experts And the time that we've spent together this year Is that allowing yourself to enjoy what you have?
Is one way that you can create a better life right now Alrighty, i'll see you in the next episode Okay, well hold on a second here we go Hold on a second.
Let's save this for let's get started.
That is water And that's a buddha centered on the pool So you see it as you walk in and it's a headless buddha Why headless because it reminds you to not get lost in your head I don't really know what i'm doing.
Well having a complete lack of knowledge is actually a Benefit oftentimes because you're not restrained by other people's opinions.
You know what i'm gonna actually use that quote You're pretty cool.
I think we're supposed to be friends I think we already are.
Oh my god Okay tonight we're getting sleep tonight we're sleeping I love that Oh my god, that was that's what you're pulling up top, right?
The second she said that I would have been like ding ding ding ding ding.
You know like Are you guys ready for us, sorry Okay Our camera's rolling I should probably wait in case I say something okay Okay I'm on Great and as soon as the tele Audio only you know what do you guys have a cloth for these things?
I don't know about your glasses Always it's like how the hell do they get so dirty?
Do you think we touch our glasses a lot?
We don't realize it We do around the world.
Do you hear that again?
I think it was just that one.
I think You I know you you know, did you hear that?
Um, we're gonna keep going the thing that I found This did not turn off that one did that one did that one it did oh lord, okay, this is So I So That's good, sorry just did it just turn off Also, great show high five There we go.
Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.
Okay, this is great.
Okay. Here we go It looks fantastic.
Here we go. Okay, hold on a second.
Hold on a second. We got to go back up.
Let's give it Let me just do one thing real quick.
Okay, right Um, will you take it all the way till after the break?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, just jump into there.
Okay, you're the best.
It was a break there, right?
Yeah, I thought so Okay, I was like, uh, I think I'm supposed to Portal is open, baby Oh my god trench Oh My god that work, okay All right.
Great I gotta wait for my action though Action.
All right. Are we good with that?
It's a garbage truck down We're just gonna keep going okay, go for it And We'll go up a little bit more.
I'm sorry. I should say back.
Shouldn't I? Is that good?
Is that simpler that stuff like flies over my head when people start talking about that?
Okay, I'm gonna do one more.
Sorry including Okay, sorry go up one more time Two million people to be exact save million.
Oh my lord. Oh, let me go back Oh, oh my gosh You ever see like um, there was that movie uh, uh Friday is no, what is it?
Is it called Friday?
No, what's the movie with um, virgina george?
Um, oh my god, I have like the worst like old lady memory.
They're like get it loser.
We're going to the mall Yes, of course that one yes, but we're not going to the mall yes Oh And one more thing and no this is not a blooper This is the legal language, you know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes
I'm just your friend I am not a licensed therapist And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician professional coach Psychotherapist or other qualified professional got it good.
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