Hey Story Pirates Podcast listeners.
Peter here. Welcome to the 34th Annual Story Pirates mustache competition.
Can you guess who the finalists will be?
Probably the ones of us who actually have mustaches.
I guess. Grownups, remember you can access the ad -free version of the show by visiting storypirates .com slash creatorclub or subscribing right in Apple Podcasts.
Two brand new stories and all the mustaches one podcast can hold.
Coming right up after a few words for the Grownups.
Hey Grownups, season seven of the Story Pirates podcast is right around the corner, and it's time for your kids to send us their own stories.
But maybe they don't know what to write about.
Luckily Story Pirates is partnering this season with The Week Junior, an incredible magazine that kids can't wait to read.
Every issue of The Week Junior has a section called Photos of the Week that is full of photos that are great to tell an imaginative story about.
Grownups, as part of our partnership, you can get six free issues of The Week Junior for your family delivered right to your mailbox by going to theweekjunior .com slash story pirates.
And don't forget, the Story Pirates amazing adventure tour continues October 5th and 6th with shows in Connecticut and New Hampshire.
You can find tickets at storypirates .com slash live.
Now back to the show.
Merry Christmas everybody.
My name is Eric Peterson, I'm here with my good buddy, Danny Jordan.
And we are the hosts of Christmas Countdown show.
We're so thrilled to be bringing the Merrymen to you all this holiday season.
On Christmas Countdown, we love to countdown our top 10 favorite things related to the holiday season.
That could be food, movies, music, everything that we all love about this massively merry good time.
So wherever you get your podcasts, make sure you click that subscribe button.
Eric, are you ready?
I am ready and we hope that you are too.
Merry Christmas everybody.
Let's go! Honor, strength, integrity, courage, agility, confidence, respect, sportsmanship.
These are just a few of the qualities that make up a successful mustache.
Today, my friends, marks the beginning of the 34th annual Story Pirates Mustache Competition.
We gather today to celebrate the mustache or, if you're fancy, the moustache, the hair above the mouth and below the nose.
Mustaches come in all shapes and sizes, small, tall, long, double XL, scruffy, patchy, straight, curly, goofy and covered in cheese.
There is no wrong way to wear a mustache.
But today, my esteemed colleagues and shipmates, only one mustache will win!
The Story Pirates Mustache Competition is by far the most important mustache competition on this entire boat.
Anyone can compete.
Please step forward if you would like to be a contestant in this year's mustache competition.
I would like to compete.
Baby with a mustache, wonderful.
Who else? I would like to compete as well.
Rolo, perfect. Anyone else?
Sure, I'll do it too.
Uh, Peter, best of luck.
Anyone else? I would like to compete.
A handful of characters we've never introduced, but who have always been on this ship.
This is going to be fun.
Let the Story Pirates Mustache Competition begin!
I love Story Pirates!
I'm very different from everybody.
Confusion is a step for curiosity.
Okay, that's a really funny idea.
We have to send that in.
I might tell it to my brother, because he's my best friend.
I believe all the things in my story.
Human beings are just able to create.
The Story Pirates. Welcome back to the Story Pirates podcast, everyone!
Where we take stories written by kids.
And turn them into sketch comedy.
And songs! And sometimes we do highly competitive mustache contests.
That's right, sometimes we do highly competitive mustache contests.
Speaking of, who's winning right now?
Oh, Lee. Sweet, sweet Lee, don't you understand?
When we judge our friends by the quality of their facial hair, we're all winners.
That's a beautiful way to look at it.
But we'll find out who's actually winning right after our first story.
And here to introduce it is the author!
Hi, my name is Jessie, I'm six and a half, and I live in Texas.
And this is my story, Too Much Whip Cream.
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They have performed tricks and answered trivia questions.
And our esteemed judges have gotten to look at them from every different angle.
After careful consideration, our two finalists are...
Sorry, Rachel. Can you not play the drums right now?
I'm in the middle of talking.
Oh, sorry. Sorry. Our two finalists are...
Baby With a Mustache and Rollo!
All right! A finalist?
How about that? This is the honor of a lifetime.
I want to thank my mustache.
What about all those other characters who we've never met before but who are always on the ship?
They all did a great job but didn't make the cut.
Better luck next time.
What about Peter? Peter was unfortunately disqualified in the first round.
You guys, I'm so full.
I need to lie down.
Peter, what happened?
I was rooting for you.
I thought it was a mustache eating contest.
I've been over there eating mustaches the whole time!
How many mustaches did you eat?
Enough to win a mustache eating contest.
But it turns out that's not what this was.
Story Pirates. Only two contestants remain.
It's up to us to decide.
Rachel, Megan, Eric, Niminey, Peter, Smitty, and myself.
It's time to gather in the decision room.
Okay, but only if I can lie down.
Mustache. Here, here!
Welcome to the decision room.
I call this session to order.
Um, Rachel, can you stop banging that gavel?
I'm in the middle of talking.
Sorry, sorry. Story Pirates, we've been tasked with an important assignment here today.
It's our job to judge the mustache competition.
This is our solemn responsibility.
Our civic duty. He said responsibility.
Two worthy competitors, Rolo and Baby with a Mustache.
Baby with a Mustache and Rolo.
But only one mustache can win.
As a jury, our verdict must be unanimous.
That means everyone has to agree on the winner.
I nominate Baby with a Mustache.
We have to keep in mind that Baby with a Mustache is, in fact, a baby.
Which makes the mustache that much more impressive.
Here, here! Hard hard.
Plus, Mustache is right there in her name.
It's a no -brainer. Here, here!
Hard hard. Not to mention, if we choose quickly and without too much thought, we can all go home and go to sleep.
Here, here! Hard hard.
All those in favor of Baby with a Mustache winning the mustache competition, say, aye.
Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye.
I... think so too. Smitty, you're the last vote.
Do you think Baby with a Mustache should be the champion?
What? Shouldn't we at least have a conversation about this?
A... conversation? Lee was right when he said this is a solemn responsibility.
We must be absolutely sure, 100%, beyond any reasonable doubt that Baby with a Mustache has the best mustache.
If there's a chance, even the smallest chance, that Rolo has a better mustache, we need to discuss it.
I guess Rolo's mustache is pretty nice.
It really matches his eyebrows.
Yeah, there's no question.
It's a delicious mustache.
I mean, really good mustache.
It's very... robust.
Sometimes I leave my phone in there when I'm wearing something without pockets.
But is it a better mustache than Baby with a Mustache's mustache?
Well, if we're going by square footage in surface area, Rolo certainly has the larger mustache.
But Baby with a Mustache's mustache is...
hmm, what's the word?
It's twirlier. Exactly.
It's twirlier. See how good it feels to have a conversation?
This... this is what the entire process is all about.
Shall we put it to another vote?
All those in favor of Rolo winning the mustache competition, say aye.
All those against, say nay.
Aye. Aye. Nay. Nay.
Aye. Obstain. Gasp.
That's three votes for Rolo, three votes for Baby with a Mustache, and Rachel abstained.
I abstain. Explain yourself.
Well, I've decided that mustaches in all of their forms are...
magnificent. And as such, none could ever objectively be better than another.
I refuse to participate in a system that pits mustache against mustache.
Friend against friend.
Who are we to judge that which cannot be judged?
Here, here. Ha, ha.
Well then, much like a stylish mustache with a gap in the middle, it appears we're evenly split.
What now? The bylaws clearly state that we can't leave this room until we've decided on a winner.
One mustache, and only one mustache can be the champion.
And we all have to agree.
Then I'm ordering some food because we're going to be here a long time.
Do you think anyone around here delivers mustaches?
We'll be right back after a few words for the grownups.
So, Baby with a Mustache, congrats on being a finalist in the big competition.
Congrats to you too, Rolo.
Your mustache is so good.
It's an honor to even be considered.
What do you think they're talking about in the decision room?
I don't know. They've been in there for 12 days.
Let's put our ears against the door and listen.
I mean, what even is a mustache, like when you really think about it?
A mustache is the state of mind.
Baby with a mustache has a longer mustache.
But Rolo has a taller mustache.
Rolo's mustache can count to 400.
Baby with a mustache's mustache knows karate.
Point of clarification, it knows about karate.
Still impressive. Should we hold another vote?
Let's really try to agree this time.
All those in favor of Baby with a Mustache, say aye.
Nay! Well, just like a mustache that has been presented with a difficult choice, it appears we're still undecided.
Wow. They're having a tough time in there.
You know, Baby with a Mustache, I guess I never thought about this.
But it sounds like it's pretty hard to be the jury of a mustache competition.
I have an idea. Is it so completely cuckoo that it just might work?
Yes! What if? Oh my.
Wow. Well, that's just, how would we even...
Okay. Okay. Let's try it.
Hey, if we can't come up with a decision soon, I might need a break to use a bathroom.
Eric, you haven't used the bathroom?
We've been deliberating for 12 days.
Come on, everyone. I know we can do this.
We just have to believe in ourselves.
Rachel, can you stop conducting that orchestra?
I'm trying to give a motivational speech.
Sorry, sorry. You guys can go.
Let's vote one more time.
But this time, let's do it while we're standing on our heads.
I think that will really help us.
This is your jury for Manly.
Who is it? It's Baby with a Mustache.
And Rolla, we have new information that might affect your decision.
Okay, come on in. Oh, gasp.
Oh my. How did... That's incredible.
That's right, jury.
We combined our mustaches into one big mustache.
We concentrated really hard and grew them out into each other so that they became one.
This is the power of teamwork.
Careful. We're still figuring out how to walk around without knocking stuff over.
I've never seen anything like it.
It's beautiful. It looks so tasty.
I mean, that's a big mustache.
Well, the bylaws say that only one mustache can win.
They don't say anything about two different people having the same mustache.
What did they say about a dog playing basketball?
You know what? Now's not the time.
You can tell me later.
All in favor of Rolla and Baby with a Mustache winning the mustache competition with their unforgettable combined mustache, say aye.
Aye. That's unanimous.
We have a winner. Should we do another story?
Yeah. And here to introduce it is the author.
Hi. My name is Anna.
I'm 11 years old. I live in Germany.
And this is my story, The Talking Towel.
Hello, my loving family.
I'm back from shopping for native plants and contemplating beauty.
You know, dad stuff.
Hi, honey. Reed and I are just hanging around, having a normal, boring day.
Hi, dad. We're going to the beach for your birthday.
Reed. That was supposed to be a surprise.
Reed, did you ruin a surprise because you are super bad at keeping secrets?
Again? Yes. Sorry, dad.
It's okay. But I hope you get better at keeping secrets before it has big consequences.
Well, the surprise is ruined.
So we might as well go to the beach now.
Hooray! To the beach!
What a perfect day to be at the beach.
Time to lay down on my normal towel.
Huh? What was that cough thing?
So much sand. Did you just talk, towel?
Maybe. I mean, no, that wasn't me.
That was the sand. Sand doesn't cough.
You talked. I heard you.
Oh, fine. You caught me.
But you cannot tell anyone that I can talk.
Or I'll be shunned from talking to our society.
I'll wind up a science experiment in some lab.
It's always secret, okay?
Okay. But the thing is, I am super bad at keeping secrets.
Oh, you can't be that bad.
Reed Honey, who are you talking to?
My towel! Turns out it can talk.
Hey! I told you to keep that a secret.
That towel can talk?
Whoops. Sorry, towel.
But don't worry. I'll just make my dad forget that you can talk.
I'll make a sudden, loud noise and he'll forget what just happened.
I don't know about this.
Yeah, Reed, it's not likely I'll forget a - That scared me.
What were we just talking about?
We weren't talking about anything.
Ooh, look. Here comes Mom.
Is everyone okay? I heard a loud bang.
It was just a chip bag.
Well, I'm glad that's the only unusual thing going on over here.
It's not. It turns out my towel can talk.
Oh, come on, Reed. It did talk.
Oh, shoot. That's what we were talking about.
A talking towel. I mean, a talking towel.
Reed, you do something.
I'll create a bigger distraction using the old hat -shoe switcheroo.
Hey, Mom and Dad, look.
Ta -da! Why is your shoe on your head and your hat on your foot?
I'm so distracted that I can't remember what was happening right before this.
It's working. Dudes, check out this kid doing the old hat -shoe switcheroo.
Come look. Oh, gnarly.
Bunch of blue crush.
Oh, great. You've attracted even more attention.
It'll be fine. None of them know you can talk.
I just have to keep your secret.
Hey, dude. Who are you whispering to?
Oh, my towel can talk.
Oh, come on, Reed. Whoops, I talked again.
Oh. Is that micro? Oh, no.
What do we do, Reed?
We'll need a much bigger distraction.
I know. Let's send all 16 of these people on a fancy tropical vacation.
That's a great idea.
Let's go buy tickets at the airport.
We're at the airport towel.
Now, stay quiet while I talk to the ticket agent.
Got it. Regretful airlines, you're one stop shop for fleeing bad choices.
Can I help you? Hi.
I need 16 tickets to a fancy tropical vacation.
Okay, but it'll be pretty expensive.
You have money, kid?
What can I get for a button, some lint, and two quarters?
Let me see. With that, you can get a small airplane sticker.
A plane ticket to a tropical vacation costs $2 ,500 each.
$2 ,500 each, huh? Hmm.
May I please use your PA system?
Well, we normally don't allow this, but you're wearing a shoe on your head and a hat on your foot.
I can't say no to the old hat -shoe switcheroo.
Reed, careful with the PA system.
Don't mention that I can talk.
Of course I won't. My towel can talk!
What are you doing, man?
I heard there were no towels.
I'm right here. I mean, oh, do something, Reed.
I'm unraveling over here.
Calm down, towel. Never tell a person or a towel to calm down.
It has the opposite effect.
Okay, okay, okay, jeez.
I have an idea to get us out of this mess.
We can put the people in my closet at home.
Really, Reed? That's your idea!
Breaking News. I'm Clive Reporta, live from the airport, where there are reports of a talking towel.
Sources say a young boy is conspiring with a talking towel to silence witnesses by putting them in a closet.
Young man, is this true?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
There's been a big misunderstanding.
You see, my towel can talk.
Reed! Towel! Oh, what is wrong with us?
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! After them.
Quick, back to the beach.
Wow, they chased us all the way back to the beach.
Now what? Don't worry, I'll think of something.
Oh, quiet, here comes a random man.
Hello there! This is a talking towel.
Reed! A talking towel?
Oh, I don't care about that.
I came over to ask.
Any chance you want to buy a memory eraser?
It makes people forget all their memories from the last day.
No thanks. Okay, have a nice day!
Reed, it's a memory eraser!
Oh, yeah! Random man, I want to buy that memory eraser, but all I have is a button, some lint, and two quarters.
Two quarters? I'll take it!
Now I can finally get that airplane sticker I wanted.
Here's the memory eraser.
Scadoo! All right. Now to erase the memories of this crowd chasing us.
I will be safe in the crowd.
Excuse me, giant crowd, before I hand over the towel.
Can you look at this little device in my hand?
Sure. That is not true.
What happened? What was that?
It worked! Now for the surfer and the rest of the beach crowd.
Hey, surfer! Hey, little buddy, we were just talking about how we want to sell your talking towel to the highest bidder.
Sure, sure, sure. First, can you all look right at this little device I'm holding?
Huh? What was I saying?
Something about how towels can't talk.
Totally. Who's ever heard of a talking towel?
Let's get out of here!
And now the news. Excuse me, reporter.
There you are. This is Clive Reporter, live to the entire world, reporting that.
There's nothing to report.
Certainly no talking towels.
Back to you. And finally, my parents.
Mom! Dad! Oh, there you are!
Reed, we need to deal with this talking towel.
We need to tell everyone about - Um, something?
What was I saying? You were saying...
Thank you for surprising you with a trip to the beach.
This is my birthday present?
Oh, what a surprise.
Wow, Reed. I guess you managed to keep the surprise a secret after all.
Good job, champ. Come on, honey.
Last one in the water is a rotten egg.
Ooh, I'll beat you.
I'm gonna catch up.
It worked. We did it, towel.
Hey, I'm really sorry I broke your trust like that.
Going forward, I promised to keep your secret and no one will ever know that you can talk.
Oh, it's okay. Besides, there's only one more person to zap.
I'm pretty sure we - What was I just doing?
I guess nothing. Oh, well, I'll just enjoy the beach.
I'm a talking towel.
A talking towel? Oh, shoot!
The end! And now, Lee speaks with the author.
Anna, your story is kind of all about how hard it is to keep a secret.
Yeah. Is keeping secrets hard for you?
No. What's your number one advice about how to keep a secret?
Just don't tell anyone.
And if someone's starting to zoom into your topic about the secret, then move to a different topic.
If you met an actual talking towel, would you have a problem keeping that a secret, like the character in your story?
Maybe. No, I think I could keep it a secret.
I might tell it to my brother because he's my best friend.
But otherwise, no one.
Do you think your brother would keep the secret?
I would pay him. How much do you think you'd have to pay him, though?
Five bucks. Do you have five bucks?
Probably somewhere under my bed.
Do you think that there are any, like, big secrets in the world that we don't know about?
Maybe there's another planet with a whole other human population.
If that's true, do you think anybody already knows about it and is keeping it a secret?
No, I don't think so.
Why not? Because the people would probably want to try to keep it a super big secret, so if Earth ever did get destroyed or if something happened, that the people when it all go to that Earth, too.
And the planet would probably be farther than Pluto.
Oh, so you're saying the people on Earth, too, might be keeping it a secret.
Mm -hmm. Anna, before we go, I was wondering if I could tell you a secret.
Yes. This is what I've been building up to this whole time.
My secret is that I'm not Lee.
I'm actually a talking towel.
No, you're Lee. I know.
How do you know that it's me?
Because towels don't have hands.
How do you know I have hands?
We don't even see each other.
You'd have to be typing or doing something.
Anna, thank you so much for letting us perform your story.
Of course. All right.
Bye -bye. Bye. And now it's time for Story Pirates Roll Call.
Tell us your story.
We read them all. We read them all.
You love, we love them.
For Story Pirates Roll Call.
Our first story comes to us from an 8 -year -old from Portland named Emma.
And Emma's story is called The Chicken Which Had a Phone.
Now, if you've listened to the story, Pirates, you know that we love a good chicken story.
We've done a story about a chicken with a motorcycle.
We've done a story about chickening.
We've done a story about the chicken king.
But never have we ever done a story about a chicken who has a phone.
Why does the chicken have a phone?
I'll let the story answer that question.
And I quote... I am Hero Chicken, which has a phone.
Why do you have a phone?
I have no idea. Intriguing.
Do we ever find out why the chicken has a phone?
No. But do we find out what the phone does?
Oh, yes, we do. And it is not what most phones do.
Incredible stuff. Super funny.
Great job, Emma. Our next story comes to us from an eight -year -old from New York named Eli.
And Eli's story is called The Leaves Ate Me.
Now, you know it's story, Pirates.
We love a one -sentence story.
Cats sit on you, and sometimes they take over the school, for example.
Here's another story for the one -sentence story Hall of Fame.
And I quote... Once I raked a pile of leaves and jumped in them, and it ate me.
Terrifying. Exciting.
Funny. And terrifying again.
Eli, this is a short story, but I will never stop thinking about it.
What an imagination.
Watch out for those leaves, people.
Great job. Our final story comes to us from a 10 -year -old from British Columbia named Florence.
And Florence's story is called Jerry the Jack -o -lantern.
Okay, I just want to read you the very beginning of this story, because it really sets it up perfectly.
You know what I love about this story?
High stakes. Right off the bat, Florence lets us know that the character has a big dream, and going after that dream involves very high stakes.
I'm already excited.
I'm already nervous.
What's gonna happen?
You'll have to read the story to find out.
Amazing stuff, Florence.
Now it's time for you to write us a story.
And if you don't know where to start, here's one idea.
Take a picture of something normal and every day, and then make up a story of what you imagine could be happening in the picture.
Kind of like this from Jesse, the author of Too Much Whipped Cream.
So Jesse, could you describe your picture for me?
I saw a squirrel in the trash can.
The squirrel was eating the leftover food.
A squirrel eating leftover food from a trash can.
We've all been there.
And what's your idea for what could be happening in the picture?
The squirrel is in a trash can, but it's actually a tornado.
The squirrel thinks it's a trash can, because it's shaped like a worm.
But there's trash inside the tornado.
You see, listeners, sometimes writing a story is about finding an image that inspires you.
Grownups can submit kids' stories, and if you want, the photos that inspire them, at storypirates .com.
And remember, we respond to every single story we receive.
And don't forget, Grownups, your family can try six issues of The Week Jr.
Risk -free by visiting theweekjr .com slash storypirates.
Every issue of The Week Jr.
has a section called Photos of the Week that have some amazing photos to write stories about.
And honestly, I think you're going to love The Week Jr.
whether you write a story or not.
That's it for today's episode.
Thanks for listening, and a big thanks to today's authors, Jesse and Anna.
We'll be back next week with another episode.
Until then, stay creative and stay kind.
Bye! This episode features performances by Eric Austin, Rider Chasen, Carly Sharaki, Langston Darby, Sasha Diamond, Chris Berry, Woody Fu, Dara Halpern, Kristen Henley, Cassidy Layton, Peter McNerney, Jack Mitchell, Alexandra Nader, Josh Nasser, Megan O 'Neil, Lee Overtree, Peter Russo, Niminy Ware, and Matt
Zambrano. Too Much Whip Cream was written by Tim Platt and produced by Jack Mitchell.
Welcome to The Week Jr.
Hi, yes. Do you deliver?
I'm on a ship in the middle of the ocean.
Which ocean? I'm going to guess Pacific?
Atlantic? Indian. Definitely the Indian Ocean.
Great. I'd like to order a large mustache combo, please.
Nope, that's it. A few weeks?
Why is it going to take so long?
Oh right, I'm in the middle of the Indian Ocean.
That does make sense.
In that case, make it 24 large mustache combos.
Thank you, bye.
