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I was supposed to go to a friend's birthday party.
I mean, I was meant to go but I just couldn't.
I couldn't do it.
I didn't want to.
There was a Christmas party a few years ago and I was meant to go to it.
In the end, I actually felt ill and I hadn't really wanted to go anyway.
But yeah, because I was ill then, I didn't go, but I was supposed to, yeah.
Hello and welcome to Learning English Grammar.
I'm Pippa.
And I'm Phil.
We've just heard Beth and Neil talking about things they have to do, but don't always want to.
Sometimes you might try to get out of things like this, but there are often good reasons not to.
Yes, and we call these obligations.
And for the grammar, you probably know how to use have to for an obligation, so we're going to learn some other ways that you can talk about them.
And we'll also see how you can talk about the consequences of not meeting your obligations.
Now you can read along with this podcast using the transcript on our website, bbclearningenglishcom.
So, Phil, do you have any social obligations that you don't really like doing?
OK, well, I am supposed to play football with some friends every Friday afternoon.
And sometimes I don't really want to, but I do know that if not enough people go then it would get cancelled.
So, yeah, I'm meant to go every week.
Oh, that's a tricky one.
I'm sure you'll enjoy it when you get there, though.
What about you?
Well, I'm not very good at small talk, which is something that people expect in the UK.
So there's a cafe near my house, very close to my house, and when I go in for a morning coffee sometimes I know I'm meant to make small talk with the people in the cafe.
I go there a lot and they know me, but sometimes before my morning coffee I'm not ready for small talk.
I don't want to, I just want to drink a coffee.
OK, Beth and Neil have been telling us about things that they don't always want to do.
Earlier we heard Neil say he just couldn't go to his friend's birthday party.
Let's listen some more.
Apart from saying have to, how did Neil and Beth talk about their obligations?
As a parent, I really don't like going to kids parties with my kids, where you have to stand around and you're meant to talk to people.
But I find it all a bit awkward and I feel embarrassed.
I think if I'm meeting up with one friend, then I would feel really guilty if I had to cancel.
But if I was supposed to meet with a group, then I wouldn't feel as bad if I couldn't go or I didn't want to go, because there's enough other people there to, you know, still have a good social time, and then you're not letting anyone down.
So, Neil did use have to.
At a kids' party, you have to stand around.
But then he also says that you're meant to talk to people.
And then Beth talks about being supposed to meet with a group.
So, we've got have to, be meant to and be supposed to.
How do we know when we can use each of them?
Do you know anyone who can help, Pippa?
There might be one person.
MUSIC
Hi guys!
So yes, you can use have to to talk about obligation.
So that's have to.
What can you say about meant to and supposed to, Georgie?
OK, when we say we have to do something, it usually means that we are going to do it.
When you say you are meant to do something or you are supposed to do something, then there's an expectation, but it's possible that you won't do it.
Like when Beth didn't go to the Christmas party.
Mean to and supposed to both talk about intention and expectation.
So, Georgie, what's happening with the grammar here?
Well, if you say I am meant to or I am supposed to, you could be making a passive sentence.
That's using the verb be and the past participles meant or supposed.
Remember that we can use a passive when we don't say who or what is doing the action.
Let's listen to those sentences again.
And you're meant to talk to people, but I find it all a bit awkward and I feel embarrassed.
But if I was supposed to meet with a group, then I wouldn't feel as bad if I couldn't go or I didn't want to go.
So here we are not saying where the obligation comes from, just that there is one.
Be supposed to and be meant to have the idea that there's another person imposing the rule, but also the possibility that you might break it.
So Georgie, is there any other interesting grammar you can find here?
Pippa, I'm a grammar guru.
I can always find you some more grammar.
Let's listen to Beth talk about the consequences of not doing what other people expect.
Can you hear any modal verbs here?
I think if I'm meeting up with one friend, then I would feel really guilty if I had to cancel.
But if I was supposed to meet with a group, then I wouldn't feel as bad if I couldn't go, or I didn't want to go because there's enough other people there to, you know, still have a good social time.
And then you're not letting anyone down.
I heard would there.
Beth said she would feel really guilty if she let down one friend, but that she wouldn't feel as bad if there was a.
Yes, this is a hypothetical situation.
We've actually got the second conditional here.
There's a past tense after if.
If I couldn't go, and then there's a would in the other clause, I wouldn't feel as bad.
Great, thanks Georgie.
Is there any way people can find out more about conditionals?
Funny you should ask that.
You can actually find my series Conditionals with Georgie on our website, bbclearningenglish.com.
Amazing.
So let's recap.
We often use have to to talk about obligation, but obligations often come from other people's expectations.
Using meant to and supposed to, especially in the passive form, are both good ways to talk about these expectations.
We can also use them if we want to talk about things other people want us to do but we're not going to do.
We also saw that you can use the second conditional to talk about the reasons that we do or don't do the things that others expect us to do.
Wow.
Talking about obligations is so much more than just have to.
Thanks, Georgie.
Bye.
Bye.
OK, Phil, let's play a game to practice what we've learned.
So Phil, I'm going to start saying what you're meant to do, or supposed to do, in a certain situation.
And you need to guess which situation I'm talking about.
Listeners can play along at home.
See if you can guess before Phil does.
All right, Phil, are you ready?
I am.
OK, first one.
You're supposed to take notes and then send them to everyone, so we have a good record of what we've talked about.
Ooh, that sounds like a meeting at work.
Correct.
Next one.
You're meant to thank the host, bring something along, maybe a bottle of wine or a present, and eat everything that's on your plate.
That sounds a lot like a dinner party.
Yes, there's a lot of politeness and social obligations at a dinner party.
Are there any social obligations that you find awkward?
Let us know by emailing us at learningenglish at bbc.co.uk.
That's it for this episode.
We've learned that Neil feels the same way I do about kids' birthday parties.
And we've learnt how important Beth feels it is not to let down your friends.
Well, at least not to leave them on their own.
We'll be back next week to learn some more grammar tips.
In the meantime, you can test what you've learned in this episode with the worksheet on our website, bbclearningenglishcom.
Bye for now.
Bye.
