You got anything that's not Ralph Lauren?
Yeah, I don't think so, Joe.
All right, I guess this will be funny.
Hey, listen, what are you doing tonight?
Not that much.
How would you feel about taking out my assistant, Tag?
I'll pay.
I got to say, it's going to take a lot of money for me to go out on a date with a dude.
I'm not asking you to go on a date with him.
Really?
Because I could kind of use the money.
Joey, just, just, he's new in town, and I know he doesn't have any guy friends.
Just take him to, like, a ball game or something.
I'd really appreciate it.
Yeah, okay.
Okay.
No problem.
Thank you.
Ooh, hey, donuts.
Yeah.
Come on out, honey.
I'm telling you, you look good.
Tell her she looks good.
Tell her she looks good.
Oh, my God!
You look so good!
I cannot believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when you're nauseous.
So don't.
I don't see why we have to go to this thing anyway.
It's your ex-fiancé's wedding.
Because I promised Mindy I would.
Yeah, well, you promised Barry you'd marry him.
You guys, I have to go.
I'm the maid of honor.
Besides, you know what?
I just need to be in a room again with these people and feel good about myself.
My God, these pants.
I'm burning up.
She wants to snuggle now.
What is she trying to kill me?
It's like a volcano in here.
Are you hot?
No okay, let's just be me.
Then That was just the pants and the couch.
Um, hey, do you mind if I use your bathroom?
Oh, go ahead.
Thanks.
Hey, my favorite part's coming up.
Okay.
Oh, my God!
Joey, it's Ross.
I need some help.
Uh, Chandler's not here.
Well, you can help me.
Okay.
Listen, I'm in Elizabeth's bathroom.
Nice.
No, I got really hot in my leather pants so I took them off, but they must have shrunk from the sweat or something, or my legs expanded from the heat.
But I can't get them back on, Joey, I can't.
Oh, that is quite a situation.
Uh, do you see any, like, powder?
Powder, yeah, yeah, I have powder.
Good, good, okay.
Sprinkle some of that on your legs.
It'll absorb some of the moisture, and then you can get your pants back on.
Yeah, hold on.
They're not coming on, man.
Um, you see any, uh... Oh, Vaseline.
I... I see lotion.
I have lotion.
Will that work?
Yeah, sure.
Throw some of that on there.
Ross, you okay?
There's still, there's still not coming on, man, and the lotion and the powder have made a paste.
Really?
Uh, what color is it?
What difference does that make?
Well, I'm just.
If the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference.
Joey, do you have a minute?
Dude, what am I... Rachel's here, so good luck, man.
Let me know how it works out.
Oh, Joey, I have such a problem.
Well, your timing couldn't be better.
I am putting out fires all over the place today.
Ross, um, you've been in there for a long time.
I'm starting to get kind of freaked out.
All right, I'm coming out.
Hey, can you turn the lights off?
No, let's just leave the lights on.
Oh, my balls.
I had a problem.
Wow, I don't know what to say.
Eh, what do you say?
I don't know.
It's a bracelet.
Isn't it?
And it's engraved, too.
Check it out.
To my best bud.
Thanks, best bud.
Put it on.
Oh, now?
No, no, I think something this nice should be saved for a special occasion.
Oh, no, no, that's the beauty part.
It goes with everything.
You put this on, you're good to go.
Oh, man.
You are so wearing that bracelet.
I so am.
Evie, come here.
I want to show you something in the bathroom.
Oh, Monica, grow up.
Hey, what do you got behind your back?
Nothing.
Just something I want to get Phoebe's opinion on for Valentine's Day.
You don't want my opinion?
Not really.
Come on.
I'm your older brother.
Ask me.
Oh, okay, big brother.
Which one of these do you think would make your little sister look hotter?
So your best friend would want to do her.
The red one.
So what do you think?
I've still got it.
Why did you get me this?
What is it?
It's yelling, bleeding, dilating.
Oh, the dilating.
Is this the video of the baby being born?
Sweetie, this is Phoebe's.
Why were you even watching it?
I thought maybe you got me porn for Valentine's Day.
Chandler, if you thought I was going to get you porn for Valentine's Day, you were right.
Apparently.
It's about a young girl who moves to the big city, you know, in search of stardom but ends up having sex with a lot of guys.
Yeah, I got four stars.
Oh, wait a minute.
Those aren't stars.
What do you think?
Well, I'm not going to have to buy that I'm with Stupid T-shirt anymore.
Well, I like it.
Here you go.
All right, look, you're not really going to buy that, are you?
Don't you think you've embarrassed me enough for one day?
Oh, I embarrass you?
How can I answer that when I'm pretending I don't know you?
He's just jealous you'll fit right in.
All Londoners wear them.
Oh, really?
Then how come no one here anywhere is wearing one?
They're all tourists.
All right look, if you insist on wearing that in public, you know you're going to spend the rest of the afternoon all by yourself.
All right?
You're going to make me choose between you and the hat?
I choose the hat.
Good choice.
Thanks.
Okay, look.
All right, that's it, okay?
I'm out of here.
I'm not going to be embarrassed anymore.
Hey, guys, guess what?
Got a job on a riverboat?
You know what?
I didn't wear this suit for a year because you hated it.
Well, guess what?
You're not my girlfriend anymore, so... Oh, I see.
So this suit is making a point.
Now that you're on your own, you're free to look as stupid as you'd like.
You like it, right?
Oh, absolutely.
I like it even more on you than I did on Colonel Sanders.
Ross, I'm kidding.
Yeah, I'm here.
What were you gonna tell us?
Yeah.
Oh, was it how you invented the cotton gin?
Okay, goodbye.
Hey.
Hey.
So what do you think?
New haircut?
Necklace?
Dress?
Boots?
Boots!
Yes!
Now, they're a little more than I usually spend on boots.
Um, or rent.
Oh, my God.
I know to miss being able to afford food.
I'm sorry, they just.
They just looked so good and the saleswoman was looking at me like these are way too extensive for you.
She had a point hi, oh my god.
Oh monica, those boots are amazing.
They're mine.
Yeah well, too bad, we're gonna have to return them.
Return them, they're gonna hear you.
I'm not returning them, okay.
I mean, I know they cost a lot, but I'm gonna wear them all the time.
You'll see.
Besides, I love the compliments.
I mean, have you ever had something that was so beautiful that everyone wants it?
I have you.
Nice try.
I'm keeping the boots.
Ten blocks down.
Five to go.
Oh, wait!
Stop, stop, stop!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Do you need a break?
My boots in tan.
Hey, can you get a little closer so I can see the price?
I can see it from right here.
It'll cost you one husband.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I think I can walk the rest of the way now.
Just give me my boots.
I don't have your boots.
Well, I don't have them either.
Where are they?
Well, why don't you check in one of my saddlebags while I chew on a bale of hay?
We gotta go back and get them.
Honey, are you seriously ever gonna wear the boots again?
Okay, I'm never gonna wear them again.
I'm just gonna get a chance to say goodbye.
You know what?
You can say goodbye to the tantalums.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Bye, boots.
Wait!
Half off!
I don't know what I'm gonna do about this coat.
I'll take it.
Huh?
All right.
What do you think?
You're on in five, Miss Minnelli.
Hi.
Hi.
Hey, guys.
I need some fashion advice.
Oh.
How does this look?
Well, it's a little low.
Pick it up a little.
A little bit more.
A little bit more.
There you go.
Now throw it away.
Come on, this looks good.
Ross, please trust me.
I buy 30 fashion magazines a month.
Now I don't know who's running for president or who that NATO guy is, but I do know that you have to get as far away as you can from that hat.
Damn it.
I have this date tomorrow night, and I have to look cool.
You know, if you want fashion help, Rachel and I are going shopping tomorrow.
You're more than welcome to come with us, right?
Really?
That would be great.
I mean, I have to do something.
She kind of teased me about how I dress.
I can see why.
Nice shirt.
You're wearing the same shirt.
Stupid gap on every corner.
Wow, this place is awesome.
You know what?
We should just go.
I'm not gonna find anything here.
This stuff is ridiculous.
Oh, this place is great!
Wow.
Rach, come on.
I'm not gonna wear any of this.
Nothing silver.
Okay?
Nothing with hair.
And nothing with padlocks on it.
Ross, look, look, look.
I know that some of this stuff is out there, but, I mean, come on.
Look at this.
Look at this sweater.
I mean, this is just beautiful.
Wow.
This is really soft.
$350?
Down from 700, you're saving like 200 bucks.
Both logic and math are taking a serious hit today.
Hey, check this out.
It's totally you.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow, actually, this looks pretty good.
Yeah.
Boys will be boys?
What?
They will be.
All right, that's it.
I'm getting out of here.
No, no, no, Russ.
Wait.
Come on.
All right, you know what?
There's other stuff here.
There's some nice shirts.
Look at these nice pants.
Huh.
Actually, these might look pretty good on me.
Yes, they will.
You know what you should do?
Just go take a walk.
All right, I know your size, and I'm gonna pick out some really good stuff for you.
Really?
Yes, and I know what looks sexy on guys.
Please, just wear what I suggest, and she is gonna go nuts for you.
So you're saying, uh, if I wear these pants, I might be getting into hers?
Why do men keep talking to me like this?
Some really great stuff.
Yeah.
I'm not sure about some of the bras I got.
Oh, really?
Do you want to try some of them on for me?
Oh, okay.
Wait, are we in Joey's imagination?
Oh, no, I took one of Ross' bags by mistake.
And one of mine is missing.
Oh, well, Ross probably has it.
You can get it from him later.
So, what do you think?
I think we're not wearing the same shirt anymore.
Yeah, yeah, Rachel picked it out for me.
She told me to trust her, and you know what?
I'm glad I did.
I threw in quite a few heads on my way over here.
Dude, I really don't think you should be wearing that.
Oh, I see.
Somebody's afraid of a little competition with the ladies.
Looks like someone is the ladies.
You're just jealous because you couldn't pull this off.
Yeah.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date.
See?
All eyes on me.
Wow, this place looks great.
Oh, you are gonna love it.
And I'm so glad we're finally doing this.
Me too.
So this was fun.
Hey, you guys, check it out.
Check it out.
Guess what job we just got.
I don't know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black.
What?
Blue blazer back.
He wants it back.
But you said black.
Why would he want his blue blazer black?
Well, you know what I meant.
No, you messed it up.
You're stupid.
Are you going to separate those?
Oh, God.
Oh, am I being like a total laundry spaz?
I mean, am I supposed to use like one machine for shirts and another machine for pants?
Have you never done this before?
Well, not myself, but I know other people that have.
Okay, you caught me.
I'm a laundry virgin.
Well, don't worry.
I'll use the gentle cycle.
Okay.
Basically, you want to use one machine for all your whites.
Whites.
OK.
A whole nother machine for your colors.
And a third for your delicates.
And that would be your bras and your under panty things.
OK.
Well, what about these are white cotton panties.
Would they go with whites or with delicates?
That would be a judgment call.
OK.
See?
She stole my jeans.
What?
I have been looking for them all week, and she is wearing them.
So she stole your pants, and then she came back and wore them in front of you?
Don't you see?
It's the perfect crime.
She must have been planning this for years.
I will prove it to you, okay?
About a week ago I was wearing those jeans and I dropped a pin in my lap and it left an ink stain on the crotch.
Now when she comes back, I will find it and show you that stain.
Shouldn't we give her the benefit of the doubt before we go snooping around her crotch?
I'm quitting.
I just helped an 81-year-old woman put on a thong and she didn't even buy it.
I'm telling you, I'm quitting.
That's it.
I'm talking to my boss right now.
Yes, I am.
Yes, I am.
Yes, I am.
Yes, I am.
Yes, I am.
Yes, I am.
Okay, bye.
Call me when you get this message.
Oh, Mr. Waltham, I, uh, really need to talk to you.
In a moment, please.
I'm in the middle of a task.
And you have a customer.
Hi.
Hi, I'm Joshua.
Hi, I'm Rachel Green.
What can I do for you, Joshua?
Well, I need a whole new wardrobe.
My wife, well, my ex-wife.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Anyway, she burned all of my clothes, so I got away with two things.
This suit turned out to be a skirt.
Well, at least that's a great suit.
Yeah, but it wasn't much fun dropping it off at the dry cleaners in the skirt.
I need everything down to underwear, so if you're willing, I'm all yours.
Okay.
Rachel, you needed to speak to me.
No, no, that wasn't me.
Well, we should get started.
Let me show you my underwear.
The selection of underwear that we carry...
I'm old.
What's wrong?
I am so much older than these other interns.
I can't compete with them.
I saw you were a little older.
Try to look at the positive.
You have all this life experience.
Yes, but I don't think life experience is gonna help me with these.
Wow!
It's like they're on fire!
What are they?
They're these prototype sneakers and I have to come up with ideas on how to sell them, which I can't do because no self-respecting adult would ever wear these.
I'll give you $500 for them.
What am I supposed to do with these?
Come on.
Sneakers are easy.
You wear sneakers all the time.
Well, first of all, they're not called sneakers anymore.
Apparently, they're called kicks or skids.
And I think I heard somebody say slorps.
Here look, I got these wheels that pop out from the bottom so you can roll around, because apparently walking is too much exercise.
Kids, kids!
Roll your way to childhood obesity.
Would you help me try to sell these?
Okay, have you considered using a girl with huge knockers?
I don't think that's the kind of thing they're looking for.
Hey, that'd work on me.
Why do you think I'd buy Mrs. Butterworth's?
You know what?
These aren't half bad.
You should suggest something like these to Ralph Lauren.
Okay, first of all, that's stupid, and second of all, I'm not allowed to talk to Ralph.
All right.
I feel younger already.
What's in the bag?
Just some presents.
Come on, show us what you bought.
You know you want to.
Okay.
Okay, this is a picture frame from Ben to my parents.
Aw, cute.
I got some hers-and-hers towels for Susan and Carol.
And I got this blouse for Mom.
Boss, that is gorgeous.
Yeah?
Look at these authentic fake medals.
I tell you, Mom's gonna be voted best dressed at the make-believe military academy.
Thank you.
Oh, thank you very much.
Oh, thank you for coming.
Uh, just a second.
No, no, let me in.
Phoebe?
Yeah.
Can you hold on just one minute?
No, you have to let me in right now.
Are you alone?
Yes.
Congratulations.
Okay, my turn, my turn.
Okay.
Okay, ready?
Okay.
That was a terrible throw.
I'm not gonna throw it right to you.
That's not real.
Look at me.
My big concern is what's real sad, aren't we?
Yeah, I think we are.
This isn't even my dress.
No, at least you didn't rent yours from a store called.
It's not too late.
I'm changing out of this, me too, in like a half an hour.
Me too.
All right now, throw it straight this time.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm getting married!
I feel blue.
I bet you anything he's gonna call you again.
Yeah, maybe, but, you know, I don't think I even care.
I don't think he's the one I'm sad about.
You know, I know that I said I'm totally okay with Ross getting married but, as it turns out, I don't think I am handling it all that well.
Yeah, maybe.
And I'm just trying to figure out why.
Any luck?
Well, yeah.
You know how Ross and I have always been on again, off again, on again, off again?
I guess I just figured that somewhere down the road, we would be on again.
Again.
You know what?
Got us reservations for Sunday night, okay?
How about Ernie's at 9 o'clock?
Yeah, well, you better make it for 3.
Oh, see, I don't know if we're gonna be hungry at 3.
Three people.
Josh was not gonna be there.
What happened?
Um, well, I think he broke up with me.
No, why?
Well, apparently he scares easy.
I'm sorry.
It's OK.
Sometimes things don't work out the way you thought they would.
Come here.
Oh, hey, don't you have to go pick up Emily?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Are you OK?
Yeah, and I got my girls.
Okay.
Hey, you know who might cheer you up?
What?
I gotta tell you, this really does put me in a better mood.
I wish there was a job where I could wear this all the time.
Maybe someday there will be.
Oh, God, that's Chandler.
He's gonna come by and borrow some candles for his big date.
Oh, okay.
No, no, Rachel, don't get it.
He'll see us.
No, yeah, the groom cannot see the bride.
But you're not gonna marry Chandler.
Not after this.
Okay, guys, just relax.
I do.
I gotta go.
Mona?
OK, if I were a salmon shirt, where would I be?
I am so sorry.
I spilled wine all over your shirt.
Oh, it's OK.
No, it's still wet.
You know what?
Let me get it out before it sets.
Oh, I have something you could wear.
I don't know if I want to wear a woman's shirt.
No, no, that's a man's shirt.
Ross!
Hello!
Ross, what are you doing?
Not touching myself, if that makes anyone less uncomfortable.
Okay now Joe, you know that, since you're returning all of this stuff after the audition, you're gonna have to wear underwear.
All right, well, you better show me some of that, too, then.
Okay, it's missing something.
Oh, I know.
Um...
Really?
A purse?
It's not a purse.
It's a shoulder bag.
Looks like a woman's purse.
No.
Joey, look.
Trust me.
I'm telling you.
All the men are carrying them in the spring catalog.
Look.
See?
Look.
Men carrying the bag.
See?
Look.
Women carrying the bag.
It is odd how a woman's purse looks so good on me, a man.
Exactly.
Unisex.
Maybe you need sex.
I had sex a couple days ago.
Oh, no, Joey.
You and I sex.
Well, I ain't gonna say no to that.
Hey.
Hey.
Wow, you look just like your son, Mrs. Tribbiani.
What?
Are you referring to my man's bag?
At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical, too.
Check it out.
It's got compartments for all your stuff.
Your wallet, your keys, your address book, your makeup.
Joey, what are you doing with the bag?
Your audition's not till tomorrow.
Yeah, but sandwich time is right now.
Joey, you know you get any mustard on that bag, you can't return it.
Why would I return this?
I love this bag.
All right, well, then you owe me $350.
Fine.
Do you take Vasa or Mustercard?
Joey.
All right, relax.
Look, I'll pay you with the money from the acting job I am definitely gonna get, thanks to you.
What's the part, Auntie Mame?
Okay, don't listen to them.
I think it's sexy.
You and I sexy?
I'm off to my audition.
How do I look?
I think you look great.
Joey, that bag is going to get you that part.
And a date with a man.
You know what?
Make fun all you want.
This is a great bag, okay?
And it's as handy as it is becoming.
Now, just because you don't understand something doesn't make it wrong.
All right?
So from now on, you guys are going to have to get used to the fact that Joey comes with a bag.
Well, you must be new here.
If we get a table, I'd buy you a drink.
I'm sorry.
Could you... Could you try without the purse?
Yeah, sure.
Well, you must be new here.
Maybe we sit... I'm sorry.
Can I ask you something?
Sure.
What?
Well first, it's not a purse okay, anytime.
I mean, if you're thinking it's a woman's bag, it's not, it's a man's bag.
Okay, and go, let me show you the catalog.
See huh, it's the latest thing.
Everyone's got one man women children, everyone's carrying them.
Um, do you sell these bags?
No no no no no, no.
These babies sell themselves.
Okay, thank you.
That was great.
Yeah, but I didn't even read anything.
I think we've seen enough.
Okay.
All right, I see it.
We got it.
We got it.
I need those earrings you borrowed.
Oh, um, okay.
Yeah, I'll be right back.
Wow, Phoebs, you speak Italian?
I guess so.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Wait, Rach, where's the other one?
Oh, wait, you want both of them?
Rachel Karen Green wears the other earring.
Okay, okay, okay.
Look, just don't freak out, but I kind of lost it.
Oh, I know it's in the apartment, but I definitely lost it.
What am I going to tell Monica?
She wants to wear them tonight.
I don't know.
Tell her to wear her own earrings.
These are her earrings.
No, no.
You lent me Monica's earrings.
I'm not allowed to borrow her stuff.
Why not?
Because I'd lose her stuff.
Okay, look, we have 19 minutes, okay?
Chandler, I want you to go and change, okay?
And then when you come back, Joey will go change, and he'll have vacated the chair, okay?
Okay.
All right, fine.
I'm going.
When I get back, it's chair city, and I'm the guy who's sitting in a chair.
Where's my underwear?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Come on, come on.
What, you took his underwear?
He took my essence.
Okay, hold on.
Joey, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
Because I'm not wearing any underwear now.
Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?
It's a rented tux, okay?
I'm not going to go commando in another man's fatigues.
Well, then it looks like somebody's going to have to give somebody back his cushions.
Okay, you hide my clothes.
I'm going to do the exact opposite to you.
What, are you gonna show me my clothes?
Hey, opposite is opposite.
He's got nothing!
Okay, buddy boy, here it is.
You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
Oh, my God!
That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear.
Look at me.
I'm Chandler.
Could I be wearing any more clothes?
Maybe if I wasn't going commando.
Yeah.
I'll tell you, it's hot with all this stuff on.
I better not do any, I don't know, lunges.
Okay, okay, enough.
Enough with the bungee.
No, I'm sick of this, okay?
I've had it up to here with you two.
Neither of you can come to the party.
Jeez, what a baby.
You just be yourself.
They live on the Upper East Side on Park Avenue.
Oh, yeah, she can't be herself.
Okay, so, all right, which dress?
You can say neither.
Oh, God, neither.
Neither.
Sorry, honey.
We're gonna take you shopping.
It's gonna be fine.
Yeah, totally.
You are in such good hands, and I am so good with meeting parents.
With the father, you know, you want to flirt a little bit, but not in a gross way.
Uh-huh.
Just kind of like, oh, Mr. Pinser.
I can see where Wallace gets his good looks.
You went out with Wallace Pinser?
Oh, he took the SATs for me.
I knew you didn't get a 1,400.
Well, duh.
So, now, what about with Mike's mom?
Oh, well, with the mother, just constantly tell her how amazing her son is.
Take it from me, moms love me.
Ross's mom one time actually said, I am like the daughter that she never had.
She said what?
That she's like the daughter she never had.
You and I were talking.
And, and...
I was so upset about the hall being knocked down and she suggested that we just put the wedding off for a bit.
She said what?
She said if I'm not going to be happy getting married somewhere that we can find in a day, well then we should just postpone it.
Postpone it?
Emily, do you think Monica realizes how much our parents spent on this wedding?
Do you think my sister's teeny, tiny little brain comprehends that people took time out of their lives to fly thousands of miles to be here?
This isn't right.
I realize that people are going to be disappointed.
But I'm sure they'll come back when we can do it right.
Well, I can't ask people to do that.
Would you ask people to do that?
Don't you point your pants at me.
We have no choice.
Anywhere that's half decent will have been bought months ago.
Ross, don't you understand?
This is our wedding I'm talking about.
The only thing I understand is postponing it is not an option.
This is when we're getting married.
So what are you saying?
It's now or never?
No, I'm saying it's now.
Or?
There's no or in mine.
What is wrong with these pants?
It's not the pants.
It's you who's backwards.
And if you don't understand how important this is to me, well then, perhaps we shouldn't be getting married at all.
What?
Emily, no.
Wait, stop.
Emily, please.
Come on, daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the prehistoric forensics department.
Okay, take Pinky Tuscadero up to inspiration point.
Collect three cool points, yeah.
Which gives me five, and let's see who is gonna lose their clothes.
Um, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor, Mr. Joey Tribbiani.
All right, relax, it's just a shoe.
Okay, your band is playing at Arnold's.
Collect three cool points, which means I have five, and that means I get Joey's boxers.
Fine.
Gang up on me.
I got you all right where I want you.
Come on.
Take them off.
Actually, you know it's kind of cold, so how about I keep my boxers on and give you all a peek at the good stuff?
Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before.
So I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you could tell him.
Go.
What?
Hey, wait a minute.
Baby, how do you even know who the father is?
I may play the fool at times, but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit.
I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Oh, God.
Oh, he's in there right now?
Uh-huh.
Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the band-aid off.
What do you want to do?
Let's rip.
Really?
Are you sure?
Oh, Phoebe.
Okay, sorry.
Yeah.
Hey, Rach.
So what's this about?
Rachel has something that she wants to tell you, and, um, I believe that this is your red sweater?
No.
This is my red sweater.
Oh, no.
Could I get anyone a coffee?
Or... poison?
No?
Just for me?
Okay.
What's going on, Rach?
Nothing.
Phoebe kind of made a mistake.
But you know, you do wear that sweater a lot.
Are you involved in some kind of dare?
You know, I'm actually glad Phoebe called.
I know we broke up because you thought I wasn't mature enough, but I've really grown up and I think we should get back together.
Oh.
It's just not the right time.
It is the right time.
Okay.
I'm ready for more.
Tag.
Come on, Rach.
Let's give it another try.
I'm having a baby.
Oh.
You can go.
Thank you.
What am I sitting on?
Top of the world?
Dock of the bay?
I'm out.
Ew, undies!
Oh!
Ow!
All right.
Whose are they?
Whose are they?
Not mine.
Well, they're Joey's.
They gotta be Joey's.
Yeah, they're mine.
See?
Joey's.
They're Joey's.
Why are they here?
I don't know.
I'm Joey.
Yeah, I'm disgusting.
I take my underwear off in other people's homes.
Well, get them out of here.
What's wrong with you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Take them.
Oh, I got them.
Joey, you can touch them.
They're your underwear.
Chandler, a word?
That's it.
I'm tired of covering for you two.
This has got to stop.
Hey, guess what I got for your wedding?
A freakishly thin date with a hanger for a head?
No, Rachel hooked me up with a tux.
But not just any tux.
Batman's tux!
That's right.
Made expressly for Val Kilmer.
And worn by him in the hit film... That Batman film he was in.
You can't wear that.
I'm wearing the famous tux.
James Bond's tux.
So?
So if you wear that, it'll make mine less special.
You need something to make this date special?
Hello?
You have the most special thing of all.
You are marrying the woman you love.
Please don't take away my cool thing.
Please?
Pretty please?
Pretty please?
I'm very 007.
Look, it's my wedding day, okay?
If you were getting married, I would never do anything to upset you.
When I got married, you slept with my sister.
That was pretty 007.
Give me back my sweater or a tan bag marinara.
Oh, yeah?
Well, at least I wasn't too chicken to tell some guy I thought he was cute.
Oh, all right, stop!
Stop the madness!
This is crazy!
Who can even remember why you started fighting in the first place?
Yes, that's right.
But still, I... Look at your purse.
Look at your sweater.
Look at yourselves.
I'll help you fix your sweater.
I'll help you.
Throw out your purse.
I'm sorry that I made you stop seeing him.
Well, I'm sorry I went out with him when I knew you liked him.
I'm sorry that I barred your gloves.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
So, what do you think?
About what?
Yeah, what?
Are you kidding?
Okay, I'll give you a hint.
I'll give you a hint.
Eyes.
No, no.
Your eyes.
No.
Chandler's eyes.
I got glasses.
You always had glasses.
No, I didn't.
Are you sure?
Didn't you used to have a pair?
They were really round and burgundy, and they made you look kind of, um... Feminine.
Yes.
No.
Sweetie, I think the glasses look great.
They make you look really sexy.
Really?
Yeah.
You didn't think I used to wear glasses, right?
Of course.
So the Porsche guy took his car back. but you found the keys to his clothes?
No, I just, uh... I just love the way it feels when everybody thinks I own a Porsche.
And people would think you own a Porsche because you're wearing the clothes?
Of course.
Only an idiot would wear this stuff if you didn't have a car.
That is true.
Yeah, but only a genius would swallow a sonic blaster gun.
Oh, I've been there.
I am gonna go drive my Porsche.
Joey, you know you don't actually have one.
Come on, what are you doing?
I'm in character.
Will you talk to her?
Hey, hey, hey, careful around my Porsche.
Hi, Joey.
Hey, how you doing?
He has the most amazing Porsche under there.
I'd love to show you, but I just tucked her in.
She's sleeping.
Hey, uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink?
Uh, here's a box of your stuff.
What?
Uh, you know, it's just like hats and shirt and CDs, just sort of stuff that you've left here.
What are you doing?
Are you trying to hurt me or something?
Ross, it just seems that, you know, it's time we, you know, move on.
I mean, don't you think?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes, I do.
Yeah.
Yeah, I really do.
Hey, this was a gift.
Ross, you got that for free from the museum gift shop.
It's still a gift.
I got it from the gift shop.
Okay, all right.
Give me the mug.
I'll keep the mug.
No.
You know, don't do me any favors.
In fact, where... Where's the rest of my stuff?
Huh?
Like my, um... Hey!
This book is mine!
And that T-shirt you sleep in, I'd like that back, too.
Yes, I do.
You know how much I love that T-shirt.
You never even wear that T-shirt.
I'm just trying to help you move on.
Oh, you are a petty man.
You are a petty, petty, petty, petty, petty, small... You are so just doing this out of spite.
No, no, no.
I'm gonna wear this all the time.
I love this shirt!
You have not worn that T-shirt since you were 15.
It doesn't even fit you anymore.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, okay, okay.
If you don't mind, I'm gonna take the rest of my stuff and relax.
My favorite shirt.
You have a pleasant evening.
Hey, guys.
Hey, sweetie.
Ready to go?
Yeah, sure.
Ooh, I left my purse up at Monica's.
I'll be right back.
Wait a minute.
What?
Oh.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Whoa.
That one kept going.
You and phoebe huh how long you been going out over a month wow, maybe.
Uh, maybe you and i ought to get to know each other a little better.
Sure, i'd like that yeah so uh, what's your name?
It's jake joey.
Hey, jake.
Uh, do you like the knicks?
Yeah, big fan me too.
There's a game on tuesday.
You want to go?
Yeah, that'd be great.
Let me make sure i'm not doing anything tuesday.
Listen, you know how, when you're wearing pants and you lean forward, I check out your underwear.
Yeah.
Well, when Jake did it, I saw that he was wearing women's underwear.
I know, they were mine.
Oh.
No, no, wait, that's weird.
No, it's not.
We were just goofing around and I dared him to try them on.
That's weird.
I'm wearing his briefs right now.
That's kind of hot.
I think so, too.
And that little flap?
Great for holding my lipstick.
Yeah, I wouldn't know about that.
And, you know, Jake says that women's underwear is actually more comfortable.
And he loves the way the silk feels against his skin.
Yeah, well, next thing you know, I'll be telling you that your high heels are good for his posture.
There is nothing wrong with Jake, okay?
He is all man.
I'm thinking even more than you.
Oh, yeah, he looked like a real lumberjack in those pink laces.
I'm just saying that only a man completely secure with his masculinity could walk around in women's underwear.
I don't think you could ever do that.
Hey, I am secure with my masculinity.
Okay, whatever.
You've seen my huge stack of porn, right?
Hey, Pheebs.
Hey.
Check it out.
Huh?
How much of a man am I?
Oh, nice.
Manly and also kind of a slut.
You know, I'm beginning to see what Jake was talking about.
The silk feels really good.
Yeah, and things aren't as smashed down as I thought they were going to be.
That's great, Joe.
Yeah, and you have so many more choices than you do with men's underwear.
Bikini, French cut, thong, and the fabrics.
You got cotton, silk, lace.
And you know what I've always wondered about?
Pantyhose.
You know the way they start at your toe and then they go all the way up to your.
I should go take these off, shouldn't I?
I think it's important that you do.
Feel better?
Yeah.
Listen uh, not that I'm insecure about my manhood or anything you know, but uh, I think I need to hook up with a woman, like right now.
Yeah, I understand.
Yeah, okay.
Hey.
Hi.
Hi.
You look familiar.
Do I know you from somewhere?
I don't think so.
Maybe it's because I'm on television.
I'm an actor on Days of Our Lives.
Wow.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
$4.50, please.
Oh, let me get this.
These are for you.
Hey, where is everybody?
They took Ben to the park.
Where have you been?
Just out.
Had some lunch.
Just me.
Little quality time with me.
Hey, thanks for your jacket.
Oh, no problem.
You can borrow it, by the way.
Oh, here are your keys, honey.
Thank you.
Mon?
Mm-hmm?
If you were at lunch alone, how come it cost you $53?
You know what probably happened?
Someone must have stolen my credit card.
And sort of just put the receipt back in your pocket?
That is an excellent, excellent question.
That is excellent.
Monica, what's with you?
Who did you have lunch with?
Judy.
Who?
Julie.
What?
Jody.
You were with Julie look, when it started i was just trying to be nice to her because she was my brother's girlfriend.
And then one thing led to another, and before i knew it we were shopping.
Oh my god wait, we only did it once, didn't mean anything to me.
Yeah right, really sure rachel, i was thinking of you the whole time.
Look, i'm sorry, all right, i never meant for you to find out.
Oh please please, you wanted to get caught, that is not true.
So you just sort of happened to leave it in here.
Did it ever occur to you that i might just be that stupid?
Okay Monica, I just have to know one thing.
Did you go with her to Bloomingdale's?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, I just really, um, I just really need to not be with you right now.
