I think it's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
I know.
So how does this work?
You gonna balance the plates on these little guys' heads?
Who cares?
We'll eat at the sink.
Come on.
Heads up, Russ.
Score!
You suck.
You know, Paolo's over there right now, so... Yeah, we should get over there and see if she's okay.
Just one second.
Oh!
Score!
Game point!
Yes!
And that would be a shutdown.
Shut out!
Where are you guys going?
Come on, one more game!
Oh, it's 2.30 in the morning.
Yeah.
Get out!
Get out!
You guys are always hanging out in my apartment.
Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh?
Come on, wussies.
All right, okay, I gotta go.
I'm going.
And I'm gone.
One more game?
Oh, yeah.
Can you settle this?
Let's have Monica decide.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, Mon!
Mon, get out of here!
Monica!
Okay, okay.
You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
Why do I have to decide?
Because you're the only one that can be fair.
I can't be fair.
You're my boyfriend.
Yeah, but I'm your brother.
We're family.
That's the most important thing in the world.
Don't try to sway her.
I'm your only chance to have a baby.
Okay, let's go.
All right.
Okay, we'll each tell you how we came up with the joke, and then you decide which one of us is telling the truth me.
Chandler, you go first.
Okay.
I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.
Oh, wait, is he the guy that I met at Christmas?
Can I finish my story?
Do you want me to pick you?
See, I would never snap at you like that.
Okay, so Steve said he had to go to the doctor, and Steve's doctor's name is Dr. Mumpy.
So I said, Dr. Monkey?
And that is how the whole Dr. Monkey thing came up.
Are you kidding?
Okay, look, I study evolution.
Remember?
Evolution, monkey into man.
Plus, I'm a doctor, and I had a monkey.
I'm Dr. Monkey!
I'm not arguing with that.
All right, I've heard enough.
I've made my decision.
You are both idiots.
The joke is not funny.
And it's offensive to women.
And doctors.
And monkeys!
You shouldn't be arguing over who gets credit.
You should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world.
Now, let it go.
The joke sucks.
It's your joke.
It's not.
Hey, Monica, we got a question.
All right for the zillionth time.
Yes, I see other women in the shower at the gym and no, I don't look.
No, not that one.
We're trying to figure out who to bring to the Knicks game tonight.
We have an extra ticket.
Yeah, Ross can't go, so it's between my friend Eric Prower, who has breath issues, and Dan with the poking.
Did you see that play?
Do you want some more beer?
Is that Spike Lee?
Okay.
Why don't you ask Richard?
Okay.
Hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smelled and one who bruises you, who would you pick?
Wow.
Well, being a huge Knicks fan myself, I think you should take someone who's a huge Knicks fan.
Okay.
That's Eric.
Glad to be of help.
Matches.
I meant, why don't you take Richard to the game?
What.
He keeps his fingers to himself and he's always minty fresh, rich.
It's really nice and everything.
It's just that we don't know him really well.
You know, and plus he's, you know, old er than some people but uh, younger than some buildings.
All right, there's a nuclear holocaust.
I'm the last man on earth.
Would you go out with me?
I've got canned goods.
Hey, you guys, take a look at this.
Check this baby out.
Dug me a hole.
Excellent hole.
Joe, can we help?
You want to take you back to the house?
Oh, it's like two miles yeah, and i'm a little tired from digging the hole.
Oh, damn the jellyfish.
Damn all the jellyfish.
I gotta do something.
Well, there's really only one thing you can do what?
What is it you're gonna have to pee on it.
What?
Rose!
Don't blame me.
I saw it on the Discovery Channel.
You know what?
He's right.
There's something like ammonia in that that kills the pain.
Well, forget it.
It doesn't hurt that bad.
If you want some privacy, you can use my hole.
Pass the cheese, please.
God, you can't even look at me, can you?
Nope.
Hey, it's Phoebe.
We can talk to Phoebe.
No, I'm too depressed to talk.
I'll give you $1,000 to talk to us.
Hey, you guys, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?
No.
All right, that's it, you guys.
What happened out there?
What?
We took a walk.
Nothing happened.
I came back with nothing all over me.
Come on.
What happened, Joey?
All right.
No.
Joey, we swore we'd never tell.
They'll never understand.
We have to say something.
We have to get it out.
It's eating me alive.
Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
All right.
All right.
I got stung.
Stung bad.
I couldn't stand.
I couldn't walk.
We were two miles from the house.
We were scared and alone.
We didn't think we could make it.
I was in too much pain.
And I was tired from digging the huge hole.
And then Joey remembered something.
I'd seen this thing on the Discovery Channel.
Wait a minute.
I saw that on the Discovery Channel.
Yeah, about jellyfish and how if you... Ew!
You peed on yourself?
You can't say that.
You don't know.
I thought I was going to pass out from the pain.
Anyway, I tried, but I couldn't bend that way.
So?
That's right, I stepped up.
She's my friend, and she needed help.
If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you.
Only, uh, I couldn't.
I got the stage fright.
I wanted to help, but there was just too much pressure, so... so I, uh, I turned to Chandler.
George kept screaming at me, do it now, do it, do it, do it now.
Sometimes late at night, I can still hear the screaming.
That's because sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out.
Are you serious?
We should tell each other everything.
I do not have any secrets from you.
Really?
Okay, so why don't you tell me what happened to Ross junior year at Disneyland?
Oh, no, no, I can't do that.
If you tell me, I'll tell you what Phoebe said.
Okay.
Okay.
So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland, and we stop at this restaurant for tacos.
And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car.
So Ross has about ten tacos and anyway we're on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
Oh, my God.
He threw up?
No, he visited a town a little south of Troy. so what was phoebe's secret um nancy thompson from phoebe's old massage place is getting fired that's it i gave up my disneyland story for that that's right you lose sucker what you got over there tacos no no they're um they're just uh they're they're ground beef smileys Uh, those are tacos.
Excuse me, Mr. Mexico.
Either way, I'll pass.
Still can't eat those.
What's so funny?
I'm not laughing.
You told her!
Nancy Thompson's getting fired.
Okay, okay.
I have food poisoning.
It's not like I chose to do it.
It's not like I said, huh, what would make this ride more fun?
You're right.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't be laughing.
I should be laying down papers for you.
How could you tell her?
I had to, okay?
We're getting married.
Married couples can't keep secrets from one another.
Oh, really?
Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.
Dude!
What happened in Atlantic City?
Well, Chandler and I are in a bar.
Did you not hear me say, dude?
And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay?
So after a while, he goes over to her, and after a minute or two, I see them kissing.
Now, I know what you're thinking.
Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
And you're right.
Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
You kissed a guy?
You want to tell secrets?
Okay, okay.
In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers.
All right, all right.
Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won.
Ross came in fourth and cried.
Oh, my God!
Oh, is that funny?
Oh, you find that funny?
Well, maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets, too.
I already told him everything.
You shush!
Once Monica was sent to a room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box she'd made.
Ross used to stay home every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls.
Monica couldn't tell time until she was 13.
It's hard for some people.
Of course it is.
Chandler, once I wore my underwear to work.
Hey!
I'm sorry, I couldn't think of any more for Ross.
In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm.
That was you.
Whatever, dude.
You kissed a guy.
So, did you find anyone to marry you guys yet?
No, but horny for Monica Minister called.
Wanted to know if we were still together.
We're never gonna find anybody.
Well, then let me do it.
Joe... No, no, no, look, I've been thinking about it.
I'm an actor, right?
So I won't get nervous talking in front of people, I won't spit and I won't stare at Monica's breasts.
You know, everyone knows I'm an ass man.
That is true.
Yeah, and the most important thing is it won't be some like stranger up there who barely knows you.
It'll be me.
And I swear, I'll do a really good job.
Plus, you know, I love you guys, and it would really mean a lot to me.
Might be kind of cool.
So I can do it?
Yeah, you can do it.
All right!
Okay, okay, I got to get started on my speech.
Wait a minute.
Internet ministers can still have sex, right?
What are you guys doing?
Try it.
I can't feel a thing.
Are you kidding?
This is packing?
We're taking a break.
From?
Jumping on the bed.
All right, Rachel's party is in a couple of hours, and there's a lot to do.
Now, Ross, you've got Geller blood.
You're in charge of these yahoos.
You got it.
All right.
All right, she's right.
We got to get serious.
Let's put styrofoam peanuts down his pants and kick him.
So what's really neat is if you sear the stems of the flowers first in a frying pan, your arrangement will look fresh much longer.
Joey, that is such a great tip.
Monica, could you excuse us for a second?
I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.
Okay.
Oh Joey, come over later, because I'm going to teach you how to make a bird feeder out of just a pine cone and some peanut butter.
Aw, I love birds.
What is the matter with you?
What?
You're arranging flowers!
You got dead flowers!
You got a picture of a baby dressed like flowers!
Very funny, Ross.
Very lifelike and funny.
Okay.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I wasn't waving at you, lady.
Whoa, maybe I was.
Hey, Monica, this totally hot girl in Ross' building is flirting with me.
Get in there, man.
Flirt back.
Mix it up.
Yeah, I'm down with that.
Okay, here goes.
How you are doing?
It worked.
She's waving me over.
Okay, I'll be right over.
Let's see.
She's on the third floor.
Wow.
She is pretty, huh?
Tell me about it, huh?
Oh, no, no.
No, no, no.
I'm not with her.
No, that's just Monica.
Yeah.
Where's Rachel?
She and Phoebe took the stripper to the hospital.
Did you know Chandler kissed Rachel?
What?
When was this?
1987.
The weekend you guys visited me at school.
Oh, my God, that's wild.
Yeah, but it was like a million years ago, so it doesn't matter.
Well, it matters to me.
Why?
Because the night you kissed Rachel was the night I kissed Rachel for the very first time.
You kissed her that night, too?
Two guys in one night?
Oh, I thought she became a slut after she got her nose fixed.
Seriously, where did this happen?
Okay.
After you told me she was passed out in our room, I went in there to make sure she was all right.
She was lying on my bed, all buried in people's coats.
Well, I went to kiss her on the forehead, but it was so dark, I accidentally got her lips.
I started to pull away, but then I felt her start to kiss me back.
It was only for a second, but it was amazing.
And now, now I find out that you kissed her first.
Wait, what bed did you say she was on?
Mine.
Pretty sure I put her on my bed.
No, she was definitely on my bed.
Why would I kiss a girl and then put her on your bed?
Well, then who was on my bed?
Oh, oh, oh!
No, no, no!
Yes!
You were under the pile of coats?
I was the pile of coats!
Oh, my God!
You were my midnight mystery kisser?
You were my first kiss with Rachel?
You were my first kiss ever?
What did I marry into?
She's insane.
The woman is insane.
It's before work, it's after work, it's during work.
She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk.
And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Monica, it's Sunday morning.
I'm not running on a Sunday.
Why not?
Because it's Sunday.
It's God's day.
You say stop, and we stop.
Okay.
Stop.
No!
Come on!
We can't stop!
Come on!
We got three more pounds to go!
I am the energy train and you are on board!
Woo-woo!
Woo-woo!
Woo-woo!
Woo!
Monica, it's 6.30 in the morning.
We're not working out.
It's over.
No way!
With one pound to go?
Come on!
We're working, we're moving, we're in the zone, we're grooving!
Okay, I don't... I don't mind the last pound, okay?
In fact, I kind of like the last pound.
Okay, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret.
Oh, what you gonna do, fat boy, huh?
What?
Nothing, except tell you I think it's wonderful how much energy you have.
Well, thanks.
I mean, especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work.
You know.
You know, I mean, you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed.
Uh-huh.
And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on.
Well no, but I.
I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all.
You know, I try to stay positive.
So you... you feel like going for a run?
All right.
Because, you know, you don't have to.
If you want, you could just take a nap right here.
Okay.
Just for a little while.
My star student.
You know you called me that before.
So I took the liberty of fashioning a star out of aluminum foil.
Now, no pressure.
You like my cookies, you give me the star.
Wow, a star!
I know you all hate me, and I'm sorry, but I don't care.
Okay, Joey, you're up next.
Oh, my God.
This is amazing.
You get an A. I get an A?
An A in school?
Hey, I'm a dork.
Joey, I'm so proud of you.
I think you should give him your star.
Excuse me?
He doesn't even know what he's doing.
We're all beginners here.
Nobody knows what they're doing.
I do.
I'm a professional chef.
Oh, relax.
It's not a courtroom drama.
If you're a professional chef, what do you do in taking introduction to cooking?
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
It's just that.
Um Well, I cook at this restaurant Alessandro's, and I just got a really bad review.
Oh, Alessandro's.
I love that place.
You do?
Oh, yes.
You're an excellent chef.
As a person, you're a little... Oh, I'm totally crazy, but you like the food?
Very much.
Okay, then.
I don't stink.
I'm a good chef.
Okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I don't want to go.
I'm having fun.
Well, actually, did either of you pay for this glass?
Hey, hey, hey.
If my friend says it's time to go, it's time to go.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
What's up?
You know, oh, my God.
What happened to your teeth?
I whitened them.
Really?
Yeah, what do you think?
Well, I think I shouldn't look directly at them.
Come on, seriously.
What?
They're really, really, really white.
Yeah, what was wrong with your old human teeth?
I did leave the gel on a little longer than it said to.
How much longer?
A day.
Plus, you know that tonight is your date with Hillary.
I know.
That's why I did it.
Come on, are they really that bad?
No.
No, no, no.
You'll be fine.
Hillary's blind, right?
She will be after tonight.
Oh, hey.
Hey, Rach.
Do you notice anything... Yeah, your teeth?
Yes, I saw them from outside.
Okay, maybe this will make your teeth look less white.
Nope.
Nope.
Okay, so colors that don't work are blue, yellow, green, red, black, white, orange, and purple.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
The date starts in like an hour.
Hey, Ross, maybe if your skin was lighter, Your teeth wouldn't look so bright.
Oh, great.
So all I need to do is get some new skin.
Thank you.
I'm just saying, if you put just a little bit of makeup on you... Oh, whoa, whoa.
We're not 13 anymore.
Ross, this is the only thing left that has a shot at working.
But won't she notice I have makeup on?
Please, half the guys out there have makeup on.
What?
Half the people.
I mean, just try it and see.
No, I am not putting on makeup.
Hello.
Oh, good.
Ross, could you put up some of these flyers for me?
No, Damon!
Damon!
You can change in my room.
My clothes are...
Wow, you look... No time for that.
Hey, dude, let me in.
I got a girl out here.
Well, I've got a girl in here.
No, you don't.
I just saw you go in there with Monica.
Well, we're hanging out in here.
Which one of us is going to be having sex in there, me or you?
Well, I suppose I would have to say you.
What if we're watching a movie in here?
Which we are, and we already paid for it.
It's My Giant.
My Giant?
I love that movie.
Listen, I saw it down at the hardware store.
They got those designer tiles on sale if you ever want to redo your bathroom floor.
What's wrong with my bathroom floor?
Nothing.
It's just old and dingy.
That's all.
I highly doubt that.
Oh, yeah?
If you, uh, move your hamper, you can see the color the towel used to be.
Yeah.
I can't live like this.
What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?
Relax, relax.
Here, hold this.
This old stuff comes right up.
I'll show you.
Little more than I wanted to see.
Oh, look at that.
Every inch of this is glued down.
It'd take forever to pry this up.
You should, uh, you should just leave it.
I can't leave it.
You couched a hole in my dingy floor.
Yeah, there you go.
Aw.
Yeah, that's nice.
You know, we can put it back there after the surgeons remove it from your colon.
Hey.
Hey.
Oh, where is he?
Where's Richard?
Did you ditch him?
Yeah, right after we stole his lunch money and gave him a wedgie.
What's the matter with you?
He's parking the car.
Don't you guys have fun?
Your boyfriend is so cool.
Really?
Yeah, he let us drive his Jaguar.
Joey for 12 blocks, me for 15.
Wow.
He must like you the best.
Oh, and what about that thing he did when he tipped the guy who showed us to our seats?
You never even saw the money.
It was like this.
Hey, Chandler, thanks for showing us to our seats.
You're welcome.
Hey, Joey, thanks for parking the car.
No problem.
Hey, Chandler.
I think they get it.
Okay.
There's the man.
Hey.
Hey.
You're getting better.
I'm gonna keep this, by the way.
This is going to be okay, right?
I mean, she's not going to leave me.
This is fixable.
Oh, yeah, sure, absolutely.
By me.
Oh, no.
No, no.
Well, unless you make some kind of big gesture.
Yeah, big, though.
Oh, shh, the missus.
Here, can I get a coffee?
To go?
I'm still not done not wanting to talk to you.
Just tell me what I need to do to make things right.
What?
Well, that's what we do, you know?
I mess up, and then you tell me how to fix it, and then I do, and then you know.
You think I'm all cute again.
I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor.
You're going to have to figure this one out for yourself, right?
You know what?
If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one.
Will you be my wife?
Chandler, I want you to take just a minute and I want you to think about how ridiculous this sounds.
Yeah, I'm kind of wishing everyone wasn't here right now.
Do you know that none of that stuff came from me?
I mean, I never said that I wanted to have babies and get married right now.
Yeah, I know, but I was really confused.
And then I talked to these guys.
Who?
Two divorces and Joey?
Hey.
She's right, you know.
Yeah, but still, cheap shot.
You know what?
You know when I said that I want you to deal with this relationship stuff all on your own?
Well, you're not ready for that.
I didn't think I was.
What the hell just happened?
I am so, so sorry.
I was gonna do it really, but then I was standing there with 327 in one hand and 238 in the other hand and I was thinking wow, it's been a long time since I had 327 plus 238.
Joey, we had a deal.
That's why you're here.
I've got to fire you.
And I've got to pay rent.
Look, how about this?
You don't fire me.
Instead I stay here, I gain their trust, and then they'll start listening to all the nice things I've been saying about you.
What kind of things you've been saying?
Well, nothing yet.
They really hate you, and I want to fit in.
I didn't want to hang out with you guys two nights in a row.
I'm so sorry.
Why does she not want to hang out with us?
Because she thinks that you are blah.
And that you, Monica, are too loud.
What?
What?
So she was just pretending to have a good time last night?
She was lying to our faces?
I can't believe this.
I mean, who is she to judge us?
We could not have been nicer to her.
And I am not blah.
I am a hoot.
Come on, please, please, you guys, don't be mad.
I'm sure she just said that stuff because she was nervous, because you guys are like my best friends, you know.
And it was our first date.
Plus, she's really sick.
No, you said you made that up.
I know, but don't you think the sick thing is way better than the play thing?
Not about good.
I generally just go with Monica's drunk again.
Come on, you guys.
Come on, please, please.
Just give her another chance, huh?
She'll come around, I promise.
Of course we will.
Come on, we're gonna make dinner.
Okay.
I do not like that woman.
I can hear you.
I am loud.
Hey, what are you guys doing?
Making holiday candy for the neighbors.
I'm sorry, who?
I'm gonna hang this basket on the door and then when the neighbors walk by, they can all take a piece.
But we don't know the neighbors.
I do.
There's uh, let's see a guy with a mustache, a smoke-salon lady, some kids I've seen and a red-haired guy who does not like to be called Rusty.
See, this is exactly why I'm making this candy.
We can learn their names and get to know our neighbors.
Wouldn't it be easier if we just moved?
I'll probably never be able to make it up to you, but here's a start.
What's this?
It's the key to my Porsche.
Well, the key to your Porsche.
What?
What?
I've been thinking of getting rid of it and I was driving it the other day and I saw my reflection in a store window.
Your mother's right.
I do look like an ass.
You're giving me your Porsche?
You're kidding me, right?
Well wait wait, wait a minute.
I mean, a couple of stupid boxes get wet and she gets a porsche.
Why don't we take it for a spin?
All right, what?
What about me?
I'm a medical marvel, okay.
What have we always wanted to do together?
Braid each other's hair and ride horseback on the beach?
Oh no,
When you get home tomorrow night, you and I are gonna be at the Wizards-Knicks game courtside.
Courtside?
Oh, my God!
Yeah, maybe Michael Jordan will dive for the ball and break my jaw with his knee.
That is so cool.
I'll let Monica know.
Hello?
Joey just called.
He's got courtside Knicks tickets for him and me tomorrow night.
Really?
But tomorrow night's the only night I get off from the restaurant.
If you go to the game, then we won't have a night together for another week.
But it's courtside.
The cheerleaders are going to be right in... That's not the way to convince you.
Taylor look, I don't want to be one of those wives that says you can't go to the game.
You have to spend time with me.
So if you could just realize it on your own... I know, you're right.
I want to see you too.
She's got to figure out a way to tell Joey.
You know, he's really looking forward to this.
Tell him that you haven't seen your wife in a long time.
Tell him that having a long distance relationship is really difficult.
Tell him that what little time we have together is precious.
I'll think of something.
Okay, okay, okay, good.
You're here.
All right, I figured it out.
I'm gonna take two tables of eight, I'm gonna add your parents and I'm gonna turn them into three tables of six.
Okay,
And I call the caterer, I added two extra meals, we are good to go.
Yeah, they're not coming.
What?
Somehow, they got the idea that you only invited them because of me.
They feel a little unwanted.
Oh, that's too bad.
It's true, but too bad.
Look, come on.
If you could just call my mom.
Oh, Joey.
Come on.
Look, just let her know that you really want them to be there.
Let's not forget, this is a woman who has sent you many lasagnas over the years.
No, she hasn't.
Is it her fault if some of them didn't make it to you?
What am I going to say?
I don't know.
Just tell them there was a mix-up with the invitations.
No, no, no.
Blame it on the post office.
They hate the post office.
And the Irish.
But I don't think you could blame it on them, so...
Hello?
Yeah, hi, Mrs. Triviani?
Hi, this is Monica Geller.
Yeah, I'm just calling to say that Chandler and I really hope that you can make it to the wedding.
Yeah, apparently a bunch of the invitations that we sent weren't delivered.
I guess there was some screw-up at the damn post office.
Tell me about it.
Yeah, yeah, the U.S. post office?
No, more like U.S. lost office.
What are they, Irish?
Hi again.
Hey.
Hey.
Thank you so much.
Oh, don't thank me.
Thank the jerk that never showed up.
Okay, I gotta get to work.
You want some help with that?
Oh, no thanks.
I got it.
No, I don't.
Whoa.
Okay.
Yeah.
Whew.
You stood up too fast.
Got a little head rush.
The heat.
And the humidity.
Yeah.
That's a tough combination.
Do you want to come in for some lemonade?
Like you wouldn't believe.
Wow.
This is a great place.
Thank you.
Just make yourself comfortable.
Gotcha.
This place is really my grandmother's.
I got it from her when she moved to Florida.
Otherwise, I could never afford a place like this.
So if the landlord ever asks, I'm an 87-year-old woman who's afraid of her VCR.
You thirsty?
Oh, you bet I am.
Okay, here's your penis.
Oh, my God, what the hell are you doing?
You said you want to come in for some lemonade.
So?
Were you just going to give me lemonade?
Yeah, huh?
Cover yourself up.
Oh, right.
Sorry.
I don't believe this.
I mean, someone asks you in for lemonade, and to you that means they want to have sex?
Um, usually, yeah.
Well, not just lemonade.
Iced tea, sometimes juice.
Look, I'm sorry.
I just thought you liked me.
Such a jerk.
It's okay.
I suppose it could happen to anyone.
Not anyone I know, but... By the way, I can still see it.
What is that?
I think it's the dying cat parade.
Sounds like it's coming from across the street.
Oh, my God.
What?
You know the thing that Ross was going to do at our wedding?
He was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and he said, you're half Scottish, right?
No.
There's no way to not be Ross.
Why is your family Scottish?
Why is your family Ross?
We cannot play our wedding.
I mean, everyone will leave.
I mean, come on.
That is just noise.
It's not even a song.
Listen very carefully.
I think it's celebration by calling the game.
Well, I feel like a snack.
Do you want some shortbread?
It's Scottish, like you are.
Oh, no thanks.
I don't like anything from my Scottish heritage.
What?
Well, it's just my entire family was run out of Scotland by... Vikings.
Well, it sounds to me like your family's ready to rediscover its Scottish roots.
You can't play bagpipes at the wedding.
How did you know about that?
We heard you play all the way from your apartment.
Were you the ones who called the cops?
That's not really important right now.
What is important is, while we appreciate the gesture, we just don't feel that bagpipes are appropriate for our wedding.
Why not?
Because we hate them.
Just give me a chance to perform for you, and then decide whatever you want.
And I'm not gonna tell you what song I'm gonna play either, but let's just say, when it's over, I'll bet there'll be a wee bit-o celebration.
Remember, I'm still learning.
One, two, three, four.
You know the song.
Sing along.
So?
