You don't have to stop having fun just because I'm here.
Kathy didn't cheat on all of you.
Well, except you.
Hey, Joey, I don't think that you should leave Chandler alone.
I mean, it's only been two days since he broke up with Kathy.
Maybe you can go fishing next week.
Look, there's nothing I can do for him right now.
He's still in his sweatpants.
That's only phase one.
I'll be back for phase two.
I would never miss phase two.
What's phase two?
Getting drunk and going to a strip club.
How does going to a strip club make him better?
There are naked ladies there.
Oh, and it helps him get to phase three, picturing yourself with other women.
There are naked ladies there, too.
Yeah.
Would you give me one minute, please?
Ross, do you realize this is the first time in my life I'm doing something I actually care about?
This is the first time in my life I'm doing something that I'm actually good at?
I mean, if you don't get that... No, hey, I get that, okay?
I get that big time and I'm happy for you, but I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine.
Okay,
I don't know what to do anymore.
Well, neither do I. Is this about Mark?
Oh, my God.
Okay, it's not.
Oh, my God.
I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross.
No, you're making this too hard.
Oh, I'm making this too hard.
Okay, what do you want me to do?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Look, maybe we should just take a break.
Okay, okay, fine.
You're right.
Let's take a break.
Let's cool off, okay?
Let's get some frozen yogurt or something.
No.
A break from us.
And the advances in collating in the past five years, I mean, we just get an X5000, you know?
The X5000 makes an X50 look like a T71.
Hey, it's the dinosaur guy.
Hi, Ross.
Hi, Chloe.
I want you to meet some friends of mine.
This guy's my hero.
He comes in with some stuff he wants it blown up 400%.
We said, we don't do that.
He says, you gotta.
And you know what?
We did it.
And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say, let's rust it.
And that's the only color that comes in.
Yo, Chloe, do you have a quarter for the condom machine?
So what are you doing here?
I thought tonight was your big anniversary dinner.
Yeah, a little change of plans.
Uh, we're gonna break up instead.
Hello?
Oh, hi.
It's Mark.
Oh.
What?
Is it my breath?
No.
Sorry, I just thought you were somebody else.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, look, I was just gonna leave a message.
Isn't tonight your big anniversary dinner?
Well, well, um...
Rach, you OK?
Yeah, I'm fine.
You want to talk?
I mean, I can come over.
No, really, no, please.
That's OK.
All right, all right.
I'm coming over, and I'm bringing Chinese food.
Oh, yeah, I'm not hungry.
It's for me.
Oh.
So what are you gonna do?
What can I do?
One person wants to break up, you break up.
Hey, no way.
Come on.
This is you guys.
Call her and work it out.
Oh, come on.
We just had this huge fight, all right?
Don't I have to wait a while?
Hey, this isn't like swimming after you eat.
Pick up your phone!
That whole swimming thing is a myth.
Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny.
Why?
What happened to him?
Nothing.
He just really believes in that.
Oh, and then we got into this big stupid fight.
I just, it was awful.
I told him he treats me like a park ranger or something.
And then I told him I wanted to take a break.
I don't want to take a break.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I called him, and he wasn't there.
Well, he's probably just out.
Oh, thank you.
That's very helpful.
I'm glad you came over.
Hello.
Hi, it's me.
Hi.
Oh, I'm so glad you called.
Really?
I've been thinking this is crazy.
I mean, don't you think we can work on this?
Hey, what do you want to drink?
Who's that?
Nobody?
Is it okay if I finish the apple juice?
Is that Mark?
Oh, honey, look, he just came over.
Yeah, got it.
Hey, dinosaur guy, look at you so sad.
Come dance.
Oh, that's okay, thanks.
Hey.
You don't have to smile.
You just have to dance.
Look, I don't feel like dancing.
I feel like having a drink, okay?
Oh, okay.
Hey, two beers.
Chandler?
Oh, he can't talk right now.
Why not?
What's going on?
He's trying to show Joey how much he means to him.
By being in a box.
Joey had reasons.
They were threefold.
Well, uh, you not being able to talk might actually make this easier.
Listen, um... Listen, I don't want to be someone who comes between two best friends.
I just can't stand seeing what this is doing to you guys.
And I don't want to be the cause of that.
So I don't think we can see each other anymore.
I'm going to go to my mom's in Chicago.
I'm going to stay there for a while.
I think this could have been something really amazing.
But, you know.
This is probably for the best, you know?
I'm gonna miss you.
Goodbye, Chandler.
Open the box.
Wow, I have never had such a healthy breakup.
She was such a grown up about it.
She didn't seem too immature for me.
Did I just make a huge mistake?
Ross, wait!
Elizabeth, thank god.
I was just thinking about it.
You suck!
Okay.
Breakups still on.
I can't believe we're not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Then don't leave me.
What?
Forget what I said.
I was babbling.
Pick me.
No, you were right.
You were right.
I mean, I've got to give my marriage another chance.
No, you don't.
No, no, no.
I say you have to give your divorce another chance.
I'm sorry.
Oh, don't go.
No, I gotta go.
No.
No.
No, no.
Honey, honey.
People are looking.
I don't care.
I don't care!
Yeah, um, okay.
I'm... I'm leaving.
You can't leave.
I have your shoe.
Goodbye, Chandler Bing.
Yes, this was pleasant.
It was, wasn't it?
The food there was great.
Wasn't it?
So take care.
You too.
Well, this was great.
I'll give you a call.
We should do it again sometime.
Great.
I'm looking forward to it.
Rachel, any messages?
Sophie's desk.
Chandler!
Are you gonna call her?
No.
Chandler!
Look, I'm sorry, okay?
I'm weak and pathetic and sorry.
You were gonna tell her?
You were gonna tell her now?
I'm not gonna call you.
What?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I said I was going to when I'm not.
Look, this has nothing to do with you, you know?
And this isn't Rachel's fault, it's me.
I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women.
I have issues with commitment, intimacy, mascara goop.
And I'm really sorry, it's just that this is not, this isn't gonna work out.
Well, this isn't, how I was hoping this would end, but I guess I have to appreciate your honesty.
Yeah, okay.
So?
Well, this is great.
I'll give you a call.
We should do it again sometime.
Hey, what do you say we move this onto the likes of the couch?
I say cheesy line, but okay.
What's the matter?
I don't know.
I'm sorry.
I don't know why I did that.
Okay.
Okay.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Again, I don't know what happened.
I must be nervous.
I don't get it.
Chandler loved it.
I promise, I promise, I promise.
I won't do it again.
I really do.
I promise.
This is gonna be great.
Okay.
Okay.
Hey!
Hey!
Got champagne?
Yes, ma'am.
Ready to power through.
Excellent!
Okay, stick it in the ice bucket.
The phone is off the hook.
And in the interest of powering through...
Okay, sexy, sexy, very sexy, sexy.
All right, let's do it.
Okay, you're scaring me a little bit.
Oh, get over it, soldier.
We got to do this.
Okay.
Okay.
Ha-ha, you like that, huh?
Oh, yeah.
You like that.
Let's kick this into high gear, huh?
Yeah, baby, I'll show you how we do it.
No, no, no.
You need me in my misters.
What?
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
Joey, are you okay?
Soldier down.
Hey.
Hi.
Hey, listen, can we ask you a question?
When you and Monica first hooked up, was it weird going from friends to more than that?
Kinda, you know, sneaking around, having to hide from you guys.
No, no, no.
No, I mean, sexually.
Yeah, was there a part of you that felt like it was really wrong?
Actually, no.
No, it felt right.
You know, it felt like, uh, I can't believe we haven't been doing this the whole time.
I can tell from your expressions that's the good news you were hoping for.
Well, I'm gonna go continue to spread the joy.
Well, just because it happened that way for them doesn't mean it has to happen that way for us.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I mean, just because something's difficult doesn't mean that you quit.
Right, totally.
Yeah, so we just keep trying and trying until we do it.
Yeah, and if it doesn't work, then we'll just be one of those couples that never has sex.
That's a plan.
I did not see this coming.
I know.
I don't get it.
I mean, I was so sure this is what I wanted.
Mm-hmm.
Me too.
Well, how come Monica and Chandler could do it?
I guess they weren't as good friends as we are.
Oh.
I bet you're right.
So?
Yeah.
I love you.
Love you too.
All right, I'm going to bed.
Yeah, me too.
I'm not going anywhere for a while.
Hey, Dad.
What are you doing here?
Well, it's your mother's bridge night, so I thought I'd come into the city for a little monocuddle.
Since when did you start smoking cigars?
I don't.
I just... I just like the smell of them.
So, uh, what are you really doing here, Dad?
Well, I just wanted to make sure that you're okay.
What makes you think that I might not be okay?
I saw Richard.
Oh.
So how you doing?
I'm fine.
Just a little tired, but I'm okay.
How's Richard doing?
You don't want to know.
No, I really, really do.
Well, he's doing terrible.
Really?
Worse than when he broke up with Barbara.
You're not just saying that, are you?
No, the man is a mess.
Was he crying?
No.
Well, do you think he was waiting till after you left so we could cry?
Maybe.
I think so.
Honey, relationships are hard, like with your mom and me.
You know, after we graduated from college, we broke up for a while.
It seems her father, your grandfather, wanted her to travel around Europe like he did.
Of course he got to do it on Uncle Sam's nickel because he was also strafing German troop trains at the time.
However...
What is wrong now?
This isn't what I ordered.
Man, can't anything go right in my life?
First, my marriage falls apart, and then I... I know, I know.
And then you lose your apartment, and then you lose your job, and then your ex-wife gets married so fast.
And now the coffee.
Ah!
Ross, we need to talk.
Okay.
Okay.
Sometimes I feel... No, no, no, no.
I'm going to talk.
I believe that the sun has set on our day in the sun.
What?
You're a very sweet person, Ross.
Unfortunately, I just don't think I can take another second of you whining.
Let me make sure I'm hearing this right.
You're ending this with me because I'm too whiny?
So you're saying...
I've become so whiny that I annoy you, Janice.
Well, yeah!
Oh.
My.
God.
Are you gonna be okay?
I am now.
Are you gonna dump Jason?
Well, yeah, because I have to break up with someone and... Okay, so Jason is sensitive.
But now so's Vince.
Plus, Vince has the body, you know?
So... It's really just about the math.
Jason?
Yeah, come on in.
Phoebe, you sounded kind of serious on the phone.
Is anything wrong?
Nuh-uh.
Hey.
Hey.
Emily's cousin kicked me out.
What?
Why?
Well, when you're subletting an apartment from your wife's cousin and then you get a divorce, sometimes the cousin suddenly wants his apartment back.
How can he do that?
Didn't you sign a lease?
Who needs a lease when it's family?
Hey, you can stay with us.
We'll take care of you.
Absolutely.
Anything you need, man.
But you have to promise me you will let us know the second you are feeling better, so that we can make fun of your hair.
Yeah.
We got it.
Okay.
Thanks, you guys.
I really appreciate this.
All right, well, I'm gonna get packing again.
Wow, I've been moving around so much lately, I'm beginning to feel like a nomad.
What?
He thought you said gonad.
Us living together.
You're not expecting a proposal, right?
Oh, no, no, not at all.
We're just moving in right now.
We'll see where it goes.
Yeah, well, that's the thing.
For me, it's as far as it can ever go.
What do you mean?
Look, Phoebe, I love you very much, but I never want to get married again.
Oh.
Wow.
No, it's just my first marriage.
Was, you know, such a disaster that I kind of lost faith in the whole idea?
Was it really that bad?
At one point near the end, she deliberately defecated on me.
Okay, well, that's bad, yeah.
But don't you think it might be different with someone else?
Perhaps a blonde who always uses a toilet.
Except for once in the ocean.
Look, it's not about who I would marry.
I was certain the first time I got married, it would last forever, and I was totally wrong.
But it just... Look, Phoebe, it's not about you.
I just never want to get married again.
Huh.
I'm sorry.
Are you okay with that?
Because if not, maybe us moving in together isn't the best idea.
No.
Oh, I definitely don't want to get married.
No, I just wanted to make sure you didn't want to, too.
Because you know, if we move in and you start changing your mind, there's going to be hell to pay, mister.
Trust me, I will never.
Yeah, I get that, yeah.
Hey Pheebs, you know I'm really glad you came to talk to me the other day and I hope I was a little helpful.
Oh, yeah, you were helpful, yeah.
No, thank you.
Good good yeah, because the more I thought about it, the more I realized I don't think marriage is necessarily the right path for you.
What do you mean?
Well, I know, the other day in the coffee house you were all caught up in the whole soccer mom thing.
But is that really you?
I mean, can you honestly picture yourself in a Volvo?
They are awfully boxy.
I mean, I don't know.
You'd be so bored with marriage.
I mean, it's so normal.
Uh-huh.
Hey, hey, can I help?
Well, we climbed up four flights of stairs, maneuvered a narrow hallway, dodged a rabid pit bull.
But these last three feet are where it gets really tricky.
You know, sometimes your words, they hurt.
Hey, where do you guys want this?
Yeah, seriously, because this is really heavy.
I mean, not for me because I'm only pretending to hold it, but for these guys.
Just one last time, the marriage thing, there's no wiggle room, none at all?
No, but you don't want to get married either, right?
Right.
Except that I do want to get married.
Couldn't have this conversation down at the truck, huh?
What?
You want to get married?
Someday.
And hernia, i haven't exactly had a normal life and i never really felt like i was missing out on anything, but it just it feels like now it's my turn to have some of the regular stuff.
If you want to get married, why didn't you say something before?
Because i just didn't know how much i wanted it and i and i love you and i wanted to live with you.
Yeah well, i want to live with you too.
I mean, let's do that, but i don't.
I don't think i can.
It was OK to move in when I didn't know what was going to happen.
But I can't move in knowing nothing is ever going to happen.
Can you at least try living together?
I mean, you might change your mind about marriage.
Are you going to change yours?
No.
Me neither.
I think I need to be with someone who wants what I want.
But I don't want this to end.
No, I don't want it to end either.
I can't believe this is going to end.
I guess I'll have my stuff picked up.
Yeah, OK.
OK.
So uh, say it easy, mike.
Well, i'm gonna put my sweats back on.
Oh no wait, wait.
Okay, you know what you were right.
You were right, we really weren't great at being guys, but do you know why?
Because we're girls yeah, okay.
Do you know what girls are really good at stripping?
No listening sit, You know.
Maybe just It would really really help if you would just talk.
Yeah, come on.
What's going on in there?
Yeah.
You know, if you want to cry, that's okay, too.
Okay, look, I'm gonna have to ask you all to leave.
Come on, Chandler.
Look, come on, forget it.
We tried, but phase three is a lost cause, okay?
Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldn't picture myself with any of them.
They really were pretty, weren't they?
Yeah, I really like that fighter pilot one.
Oh, Candy?
Oh, she was so spunky.
Yeah.
You know, I think if I were going to be with a woman... It'd be with someone like Michelle.
She was just so petite.
See, I don't know.
For me, it would have to be Chantal.
Oh, Chantal.
You know?
Oh, my God, that's...
SHE HAD THE SMOOTHEST SKIN.
I MEAN, WHEN I STUCK THAT DOLLAR BILL IN HER G-STRING AND GRAZED HER THONG... PHASE THREE.
I JUST ACHIEVED PHASE THREE.
REALLY?
I AM TOTALLY PICTURING YOU WITH ALL THOSE WOMEN.
THAT'S... THAT'S NOT PHASE THREE.
WELL, I'M THERE, TOO.
WELL, AREN'T WE ALL TOGETHER LIKE IN A GROUP?
STOP IT.
YOU'RE KILLING ME.
I THINK I JUST MOVED ON PHASE FOUR.
Oh, what is that?
What is that?
Well, I don't want to have a relationship ever.
I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends.
Here's the thing, Janice.
You know, I mean, it's like we're different.
You know, I'm like the bing, bing, bing.
You're like the boom, boom, boom.
Ow!
Oh, my God!
I'm so sorry.
This is the worst breakup in the history of the world.
Oh, my God.
Hey, how many of those have you had?
Oh, I don't know.
A million?
Chandler, just shh, easy, easy.
Go to your happy place.
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Okay, all right.
I'm not fine.
Here she comes, she's coming.
All right, shh, just wait here, okay?
Breathe.
How do you do that?
It's like a gift.
