Everybody has ordered.
I would like to start the celebration and make a toast... to Phoebe.
She dropped her sock.
Oh.
What?
No, Emma dropped her sock.
Mom's here?
I wanted to have lunch with her today.
She told me she was out of town.
Well, she still has not noticed that the baby sock is on the ground.
It's a good toast.
Will you please get her attention?
Oh... Mommy?
For God's sake, Judy, pick up the sock!
Pick up the sock!
Pick up the sock!
I'm sorry.
Was that rude?
Sorry.
Okay, now, remember, no trading.
You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
Hi, Joey.
Hey.
Well, well.
Look what you brought.
Very nice.
And what did you bring?
She's checking her coat.
Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands.
Will you get me a white Zinfanzel and a glass of red Vajence?
Janice?
Janice?
Oh.
My.
God.
Hey, it's Brannis!
You know, ever since I was little, I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes.
Yeah?
Good for you.
Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?
By the way Chandler, I cut you out of all my pictures so, if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
That's okay.
Oh, are you sure?
Really?
Because you know you could make little puppets out of them and you could use them in your theater of cruelty.
What?
What can't you do?
Uh, can I talk to you for a second over there?
Uh, we might be leaving now.
Tell me it's you and me week.
She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off.
I'm not even sure what slathering is.
But I definitely want to be a part of it.
Okay, you cannot do this to me.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
You're right.
Okay.
Can we have three chocolate mousses to go, please?
I'm out of here.
Here's my credit card.
Dinner's on me.
I'm sorry, Chandler.
I hope she throws up on you.
Thanks.
So... Just us.
Oh, what a crappy night.
Although I have enjoyed the fact that your shirt's been sticking out of your zipper ever since you came back from the bathroom.
Excuse me.
How you doing?
Don't you think you've had enough to drink?
I'm just helping the kids.
How is you drinking helping the kids?
Because the more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink.
Mr. Tribbiani.
Your generous contribution brings us a big step closer to building the youth center.
Just out of curiosity, how much is that boat worth?
I think it was valued at $19,000.
That was pretty close.
Uh, so, bad news.
Um, I can't buy the boat.
I don't have any money.
I'll tell you one thing.
I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried tomato business.
Five years ago, if somebody had said to me, here's a tomato that looks like a prune, I'd have said get out of my office.
Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
I'm not freaking out.
I'm just saying if someone had come to me with the idea that... Dad, dad, dad.
I'm talking about the whole baby thing.
Did you ever get this sort of panicky, oh, my God, I'm going to be a father kind of a thing?
No.
Your mother really did the work.
I was busy with the business.
I wasn't around that much.
Is that what this is about?
No, no, Dad, I was just wondering.
Because there's time to make up for that.
We can do stuff together.
You always wanted to go to that colonial Williamsburg.
How about we do that?
Thanks, Dad, really.
You know, I just... I just...
I just needed to know, when did you start to feel like a father?
Oh.
Well, I guess it must have been the day after you were born.
We were in the hospital room.
Your mother was asleep.
And they brought you in and gave you to me.
You were this ugly little red thing.
And all of a sudden, you grabbed my finger with your whole fist, and you squeezed it so tight.
And that's when I knew.
So you don't want to go to Williamsburg?
Well, we can go to Williamsburg.
Eat your fish.
So, Joey, you look familiar.
Are you on TV or something?
Well, Joey doesn't like to talk about it, but he's one of the stars of Days of Our Lives.
That's right.
That's right.
Don't you play a woman? in a man's body.
Much better.
So, you know, Ross, it's funny, because you look familiar to me, too.
Have you ever been married?
Well, yes, yes, I have.
In fact um, just the other day, Kristen and I were talking about how I've been married and how I have a son.
Yeah, little Eric.
That's right.
Wait, no, Ben.
So you've just been married the one time, then?
Well, um...
You've been married twice?
Yes.
And... another time after that.
Boy, I'm getting hungry.
Hey Joey, have you ever been so hungry on a date that when the girl goes to the bathroom, you eat some of her food?
You said the waiter ate my crab cake.
Yeah.
So, Ross, now why did that first marriage break up?
Was it because the woman was straight or because she was a lesbian?
Do you two know each other?
No.
It seems like Ross is the kind of guy who would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.
Oh, hello.
Oh, it's you.
I see you everywhere.
I'm Jim, Jim Nelson.
Jim, Jim Nelson.
I'm Phoebe, Phoebe Buffay.
Certainly have been seeing a lot of each other lately.
We have.
Maybe we'll be seeing each other at dinner tomorrow night.
Say, around 8 o'clock?
Well, maybe we will.
Oh!
Isn't it funny how we kept running into each other?
It's as if someone really wants us to be together.
Someone does.
Me.
Oof.
Witty banter.
Well done.
So tell me a little bit about yourself.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm a masseuse, and I used to work at this place.
Do you like to party?
I like parties.
You're wild, aren't you?
Yeah, I guess, a little.
That ain't no thing.
I'm wild, too.
So, um, anyway.
I've lived in New York somewhat wildly, I guess, for, um, well, since I was 14.
I'm sorry.
I'm staring.
It's just that you have the most beautiful eyes.
Oh, stop it.
And your breasts.
OK, look, you're coming on a little strong.
But I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt because it seems the universe really wants us to be together.
So why don't we just start over, OK?
And you can just tell me about yourself.
All right.
OK.
I write erotic novels for children.
What?
They're wildly unpopular.
Oh, my God.
Oh, also, you might be interested to know that I have a PhD.
Wow, you do?
Yep.
A pretty huge... All right.
Hey.
Hey.
Hi.
What?
Are we going to talk about what you guys did last night?
What do you mean last night?
Nothing happened last night.
Uh-huh.
Ross invited us all to watch.
Rach, we weren't going to miss our friends getting married.
Who got married?
You did.
What?
Wait, hello?
We didn't get married?
We didn't get married?
That's ridiculous.
Wait, wait, wait.
I remember being in a chapel.
They would not let us get married when we were that drunk.
They let you get married when you're drunk.
Most people getting married in Vegas are drunk.
I'm drunk right now.
I can't have a mimosa with breakfast.
I'm on vacation.
What are you guys gonna do?
Oh, I guess we just find a divorce lawyer?
Well, I think, I think... Ross already has one.
Now, this one's free, right?
Because you paid for the first two, so you get the third one for free.
Laugh it up, but the joke's on you, because we don't need to get divorced.
Okay?
We're just gonna get an annulment.
An annulment?
Ross, I don't think surgery's the answer here.
Oh, oh, that's your thing.
What? thing, you know, that you're the guy who gets divorced.
That's not my thing.
I do not love getting divorced.
Yes, you do.
This is your third divorce.
God, you love divorce so much, you're probably gonna marry it.
And then... And then it won't work out, so you're gonna have to divorce it, divorcing guy.
I'm so drunk.
Mmm, those fries look delicious.
Oh, I didn't know you like French fries.
Help yourself.
What's mine is yours.
Oh, wow.
Are those stuffed clams?
Uh, yes, they are my stuffed clams.
How about those fries, though, huh?
They are delicious.
You are beautiful, you know that?
That is so sweet.
Okay.
Now look what you did!
What?
What is the matter with you?
I don't like it when people take food off of my plate, okay?
But you just said what's mine is yours.
Well, I didn't mean it!
No.
This is work.
I should call in.
Can you excuse me?
Oh, yeah, sure.
No problem.
What are you doing?
I thought you don't share food.
Sure I do.
Cooley?
Oh, no.
If I can't have your clams, you can't have my dessert.
This is a two-way street.
Really?
Really.
Now this all better be here when I come back.
Yeah, of course.
I can control myself.
Stop staring at me.
Well, just a tiny little.
I'm not even sorry.
We're excited about our wedding plans and I guess pretty soon we'll be making a big withdrawal from the Monica wedding fund.
What?
You tell her, Jack, I can't do it.
What happened?
You still have the Monica wedding fund, don't you?
We have it.
Only now we call it the beach house.
I can't believe you spent my wedding fund on the beach house.
We're sorry honey, but we just assumed if you got married after you turned 30, you'd pay for it yourself.
You bought the beach house when I was 23.
Which means you had seven years of beach fun, and you can't put a price on that, sweetie.
I really do feel bad about this, though.
We started saving again when you were dating Richard, but then that went to hell, so we redid the kitchen.
What about when I started dating Chandler?
Well, it was Chandler.
We didn't think he'd ever propose.
Clearly, I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal.
I can't believe it that there is no money for my wedding.
We might still have some money if your father hadn't thought it was a good idea to sell ice over the internet.
It seemed like such a simple idea.
Stupid, Jack.
The word is stupid.
All right, enough.
I don't want to hear about it anymore.
Good luck, Chandler.
You know, I cannot believe we are even having this discussion.
I agree.
I'm, like, in disbelief.
I mean, don't you think if things were going to happen with Rachel, they would have happened already?
I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a relationship with someone exactly like me.
She really said that?
Well, I added the exactly like me part.
But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is going to be there tonight.
Tonight?
Tonight.
Well, I think it's perfect.
You know, it's just going to be the two of us.
She spent all day taking care of my monkey.
I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.
Anyway, I figured after work, I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and try to woo her.
Hey, you know what you should do?
You should take her back to the 1890s when that phrase was last used.
Okay.
Here is to my sister, the newly appointed head lunch chef.
Who's also in charge of purchasing.
Newly appointed head lunch chef, who's also in charge of purchasing.
Who has her own little desk when Roland's not there.
Uh, lunch chef purchasing.
Own little desk when Roland's not there.
Here's to my little sister... Oh, wait, wait, wait.
And I got a beeper.
Oh, cool.
That's fine.
I'll just wait.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
Monica!
Are we ready to order?
Oh, you know what?
We haven't even looked yet.
Well, when you do, just let me know.
I'll be right over there on the edge of my seat.
Wow, look at these prices.
Yeah, these are pretty cha-ching.
Oh, what are these, like famous chickens?
Do I dare ask?
Yes, I'll start with the carpaccio, and then I'll have the grilled prawns.
That sounds great.
Same for me.
And for the gentleman?
Yeah, I'll have the Thai chicken pizza.
But hey look, if I get it without the knots and leaks and stuff, is it cheaper.
You'd think, wouldn't you?
Miss?
Okay, I will have the side salad.
And what would that be on the side of?
I don't know.
Why don't you just put it right here next to my water?
And for you?
I'm going to have a cup of the cucumber soup and...
Um, take care.
I will have the Cajun catfish.
Anything else?
Yes, how about a verse of Killing Me Softly?
Everyone owes 28 bucks.
Oh, yeah.
What, um, everyone?
Oh, you're right.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
It's Monica's big night.
She shouldn't pay.
Oh, thank you.
So five of us is $33.50 apiece.
No, uh-uh.
No way.
Sorry, not gonna happen.
Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
I'm sorry, Monica.
I'm really happy you got promoted, but cold cucumber mush for 30-something bucks?
No.
Rachel just had that little salad and Joey with his, like, teeny pizza.
It's just... Okay, Phoebe.
How about we'll each just pay for what we had, okay?
It's no big deal.
Not for you.
All right, what's going on?
Okay, look, you guys, I really don't want to get into this right now.
I think it'll just make everybody uncomfortable.
Fine.
All right, all right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You can tell us.
Yeah, hello, it's us, all right?
We'll be fine.
Yeah.
Okay, um...
Uh, we three feel like that um, sometimes you guys don't get that.
Uh, We don't have as much money as you.
Okay.
I hear you.
We can talk about that.
Well, then, let's... Well, I guess I just never think of money as an issue.
That's because you have it.
That's a good point.
So, um, how come you guys haven't talked about this before?
Because it's always something, you know?
Like with Monica's new job or the whole Ross's birthday hoopla.
What?
Whoa hey.
I don't want my birthday to be the source of any kind of negative.
There's gonna be a hoopla.
Basically, there's the thing and then there's the stuff after the thing, and it's.
If it makes anybody feel better, then we can just forget the thing and we'll just do the gift.
Gift?
The thing's not the gift?
No, the thing was, we were gonna go see Hootie and the Blowfish.
Hootie and the... I can catch them on the radio.
No, now I feel bad.
You want to go to the concert, so... No!
Look, hey, it's my birthday, and the important thing is that we all be together.
All of us.
Together.
Not at the concert.
Okay.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Yeah.
So the Ebola virus, that's gotta suck, huh?
Excuse me, is there a woman waiting at the bar?
Someone average height, dark hair, or perhaps doing a puzzle?
There's a drunk Chinese guy.
Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy him a drink on me.
Can I get you another glass of wine?
I don't know if I should.
I don't want to be drunk when I go home alone.
Got stood up, huh?
Eh, it's no big deal.
It was just a blind date.
Are you worried your date came, saw you, and left?
Whoa!
I think I'm falling in love with you.
Joey, Joey, I love you so much.
But I... But?
Joey.
Hey, that's, uh... That's okay.
It's fine.
It's, uh... pretty much what I was expecting, you know?
So, uh, it's no big deal, all right?
I think I'm gonna go.
No, no, Joey, please don't.
Please don't leave like this.
No, come on, you cannot do this to a pregnant woman.
Start doing the happy things.
You can't do that, Rich, because then you're going to make me do it.
Okay, we go.
I can't argue.
You know, I was only kidding.
Who are they?
The blonde is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her close personal friend.
Do you need their lovers?
If you want to put a label on it.
Wow!
Anything else I should know?
Nope, nope, that's it.
Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby.
I always forget that part.
Boss, you have to seat us somewhere else.
I'm sorry.
That's always Mr. Campbell's table.
But my boss cannot see me.
I'm interviewing for another job.
Rachel?
I'm on a date.
That's great.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah.
You know, it's tough.
Single mom career.
You got to get out there.
Well, you've got a good energy.
Oh.
Rachel?
Yes, hi.
James Campbell.
Hi.
Excuse us.
Please.
Okay.
Oh, wow.
He's cute.
So, your resume is quite impressive.
What?
My resume?
I wouldn't call my online dating profile a resume.
Dating profile?
I'm talking about the work resume.
Whatever happened to just singing for no reason?
Maybe people found it weird.
So, why do you want to leave Ralph Lauren?
What?
I don't.
You don't?
No, I love it there.
Well, if you don't want to leave, why are we having this lunch?
What?
You go, boss.
Joey, some people don't like that.
Chandler's wearing panties.
What?
Let me see.
No, no, you don't have to see.
Hi, Tushy.
All right.
Why don't you give me your underpants?
Oh, no, no, no.
Can't help you.
I'm not wearing any.
How can you not be wearing any underwear?
Oh, I'm getting heat from the guy in the hot pink thong.
All right, look, Ross, I'll give you $50 for your underpants.
Hey.
However and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll say yes.
Whether you know it's at a basketball game or in sky riding, or you know some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake.
It's in the cake, isn't it?
Where else would lame mr no balls hide it?
What's the matter with me?
Why do i keep ruining this?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's my fault.
I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all i want to do is tell you that i love you and i want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I'm gonna do this now.
Oh, my God.
Phoebe, I... Wait, oh, wait.
Oh, no.
Phoebe, I love you.
There's no one else in the world I would ask to marry me three times.
But I want to take care of you, have babies with you, and grow old with you.
Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Yes.
I love you.
I love you more.
Not possible.
She's gonna be Mrs. No Balls.
I sincerely hope the rest of your party is returning.
Nah, just me, all alone.
Dinner for six for one.
Well, you boys are about to see something really special.
How was everything, sir?
Excellent.
The shrew in particular was exquisite.
Well, I hope you've got some room left.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, dear.
Joey, Joey.
Joey, happy birthday to you.
It's the best birthday ever.
