Oh, it's so pretty.
This must have cost him a fortune.
I can't believe he did this.
Come on, Ross.
Remember back in college when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck.
What did you just say?
Crystal duck.
No, no, no.
The, um, the love part?
Flannan!
Oh, my God.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
That's good.
Just keep rubbing your head.
That'll turn back time.
This is unbelievable.
I mean, this is unbelievable.
I know.
This is really, really huge.
No, it's not.
It's small.
It's tiny.
It's petite.
It's wee.
Nuh-uh.
I don't think any of our lives are ever gonna be the same ever again.
Is there a mute button on this woman?
I think this is so great.
I mean, you and Roz.
Did you have any idea?
No.
None.
I mean my first night in the city.
He mentioned something about asking me out, but nothing ever happened.
So I just?
What else did he say?
I mean, does he, like, want to go out with me?
Well, given that he's desperately in love with you, he probably wouldn't mind getting a cup of coffee or something.
What?
All this time?
Well, I've got to talk to him.
Yeah, he's in China.
The country.
Your flight doesn't leave for another 45 more minutes.
What about the time difference?
From here to the airport?
Yes.
You're never going to make it.
Well, I've got to try.
Rachel, what are you going to say to him?
I don't know.
Well, then maybe you shouldn't go.
He's right, because if you're just going to like break his heart, that's the kind of thing that can wait.
Yeah, but if it's good news, you should tell him now.
I don't know.
Maybe I'll know when I see him.
Here, look.
All right, does this help?
Okay.
I'm serious.
We should tell each other everything.
I do not have any secrets from you.
Really?
Okay, so why don't you tell me what happened to Ross junior year at Disneyland?
Oh, no, no, I can't do that.
If you tell me, I'll tell you what Phoebe said.
Okay.
Okay.
So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland, and we stop at this restaurant for tacos.
And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car.
So Ross has about 10 tacos and anyway we're on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
Oh my God, he threw up?
No, he visited a town a little south of throw up.
So what was Phoebe's secret?
Nancy Thompson from Phoebe's old massage place is getting fired.
That's it? i gave up my disneyland story for that that's right you lose sucker what you got over there tacos no no they're um they're just uh they're they're ground beef smileys uh those are tacos excuse me mr mexico either way i'll pass still can't eat those What's so funny?
I'm not laughing.
You told her!
Nancy Thompson's getting fired.
Okay, okay.
I have food poisoning.
It's not like I chose to do it.
It's not like I said, huh, what would make this ride more fun?
You're right.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't be laughing.
I should be laying down papers for you. how could you tell her i had to okay we're getting married married couples can't keep secrets from one another oh really well i i guess monica should know about atlantic city dude what happened in atlantic city well chandler and i are in a bar did you not hear me say dude and this girl is making eyes at chandler okay so after a while he he goes over to her and uh after a minute or two i see them kissing Now, I know what you're thinking.
Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
And you're right.
Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
You kissed a guy?
You want to tell secrets?
Okay, okay.
In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers.
All right, all right.
Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won.
Ross came in fourth and cried.
Oh, my God!
Oh, is that funny?
Oh, you find that funny?
Well, maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets, too.
I already told him everything.
You shush!
Once Monica was sent to a room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box she'd made.
Ross used to stay home every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls.
Monica couldn't tell time until she was 13.
It's hard for some people.
Of course it is.
Chandler, one time I wore my underwear to work.
Hey!
I'm sorry, I couldn't think of any more for Ross.
In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with a lady who cleaned our dorm.
That was you.
Whatever, dude.
You kissed a guy.
I'm sorry.
I thought maybe I'd make some warm milk and it would help me sleep.
With a wok.
You're gonna read my boring book to put you to sleep.
It got interesting.
Damn you oprah here, let me make the milk.
I'm up anyway.
Hey, you know what we could do.
You know, now that we're up, we could just like talk to each other all night long.
You know, like we did when we were first going out.
It'd be fun.
Okay, that does sound fun.
Yeah sorry, how bummed were you when the second sister died?
Huh, The second sister dies.
No.
No, I was talking about the book I was reading.
The second sister dies in Archie and Jughead Double Digest?
That's correct.
I have to go.
Believe me unfortunately, i have to.
Oh um, by the way, what's the name of the girl you're dating?
Kristen lei bye?
Well obviously, only one of us can keep dating her, obviously.
So how do we decide?
Well now let's, let's look at this objectively.
I think i should date her.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Or, or I'm the one who dates her.
That's interesting, but check this out.
I date her.
Uh-oh.
How are you feeling?
Well, my apartment isn't there anymore because I drank it.
Where'd you get to?
We lost you after you opened up all the presents.
Yeah.
Yeah, I ended up in the storage room and not alone.
No woohooing.
No woohooing.
Why?
What happened?
I fooled around with Joey's sister.
Well, that's not the worst part.
What is the worst part?
I can't remember which sister.
You see what men do?
Don't tell me men are nice.
This is men!
Are you insane?
I mean, Joey's gonna kill you.
He's actually going to kill you dead.
Okay, you don't think I thought of that?
How can you not know which one?
I mean, it's unbelievable.
I mean, was it Gina?
Which one is Gina?
The dark, big hair with the airplane earrings.
No, no, no, that's not Gina.
That's Dina.
You see?
You can't tell which is which either.
Dina!
We didn't fool around with any of them.
Veronica, look, it's got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt.
I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.
That was me.
Oh, look, when I've been drinking, sometimes I tend to get a little overly friendly, and I'm sorry.
That's okay.
That's all right.
That's okay.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Hey, Julie.
Come on.
Why can't we talk in here?
With witnesses.
I just got off the phone with my sister.
Which one?
Mary Angela.
Mary Angela.
Yeah.
No, which one is she again?
Why don't you ask Chandler?
Because he's the one who fooled around with her.
She told me you said you could really fall for her.
Now, is that true, or are you just getting over Janice by groping my sister?
It's got to be the first one.
Really?
That's great!
You and my sister sitting in a tree.
Yes, I do.
Now I may not understand why you have to win so badly, but if it's important to you, then it's important to me because I love you.
But...
You suck.
You're welcome, sweetheart.
All right, Mike, let's get this over with.
Sudden death.
Whoever wins this point wins.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
You're good.
It's like watching porn.
And that's how it's done.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
That was so amazing.
Well, when did you... Hold on.
I almost forgot.
Loser.
When did you stop sucking?
I never sucked.
I just didn't want you to know how good I was.
Why?
I don't know.
Well, this is so great.
Now we can enter into doubles tournaments.
That's why.
Nice try.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Look, Monica.
This is not going to work.
I bet this will work.
You are so great.
I love you.
What?
Nothing.
I said, I said, you're so great.
And then I just, I just stopped talking.
You said you love me.
I can't believe this.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
No, I didn't.
You love me.
No, I don't.
Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it.
Ah!
Where's the dog?
What dog?
There's no dog here.
Yeah, that dog left.
Phoebe.
Phoebe, open up.
There's no dog in here.
Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking.
No, that's just me coughing.
Good, there you are.
Listen, I have a dog in my room.
What is it doing here?
Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town.
Wait.
Hello, my name is Clunkers.
May I please stay with you nice people?
Oh, I wish you could stay here, but Chandler's allergic.
Extremely allergic, okay?
If I am anywhere near a dog for more than five minutes, my throat will just close up.
That's odd, because this dog's been living here for the past three days.
Really?
Really?
Chandler, if the dog has been here that long and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog.
Well, it still has to go, right?
Why?
Okay, it's, um... Don't do it!
Don't do what?
I have to, okay?
It's time.
Okay, I hate dogs.
What?
Crazy!
How do you know that?
I told you.
They are needy, they are jumpy and you can't tell what they are thinking, and that scares me a little bit.
You're right.
They are scary.
Ah!
She just ate a treat out of my hand!
Wait a minute.
Do you not like all dogs?
I mean, not even puppies?
You don't like puppies?
Okay, you are new.
Look, Chandler, I told you, never tell anyone about this dog thing.
It's like Ross not liking ice cream.
You don't like ice cream?
It's too cold!
Okay, just the dogs make me a little uncomfortable.
And I don't want to say this.
I don't want you guys to hate me, but I don't think I can be around that dog anymore okay.
So either the dog goes or I go.
Oh, my God!
Okay, Phoebe, we should probably go back now.
Please don't leave me.
I'll be lonely.
Stop it.
Stop.
Okay, let's go.
Come on, we can be strong.
Yeah, okay.
Oh, my God, did you hear that?
She said, Monica!
I can't leave her.
You know, if you want, we could sneak the dog back in, and Chandler wouldn't even know.
That's not gonna work.
I had that dog there for three days, and Chandler had no idea.
He's not so smart.
Hey.
I didn't know either.
Yeah, but you kind of knew that something was going on, didn't you?
Yeah, I knew.
Hi, honey.
Please, please, please don't be mad at me.
What?
Why would she wait and see?
Maybe we will, maybe we won't.
Okay, I went over to Ross's apartment to bring back clunkers, you know, for you.
And I left the door open and she must have gotten out, and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed.
I couldn't find him and I am so so, so sorry, but I do know where we can all go ease the pain.
We have good news.
Look who's back!
Hey!
Look who's... Oh, my God!
That's right.
She came back all by herself.
It's a Thanksgiving miracle!
It is so good to see you.
Yet she came all the way back from Ross's building.
Oh, the things she must have seen.
And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw, and then we ran to let her in.
I went too far, didn't I?
When should I have stopped?
Ross did ask us first, and we set that line aside.
No, hey, come on.
You know, if he asked you first, it's only fair.
Oh, boy, do I feel bad.
Oh, yeah.
Very bad.
Chandler, what are you doing?
Chandler!
Oh, my God!
You're smoking again?
Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again.
Today I'm... I'm smoking still.
Why would you start again after chewing all that quitting gum?
I'm telling you, this is just like my parents' divorce, which is when I started smoking in the first place.
Weren't you nine?
Yeah.
I'm telling you something, that first smoke after nap time.
Oh, that's great.
With my luck, that's gonna be him.
Him?
Him Ross?
Nope.
Him 253.
His eyes are on the sparrow.
When my parents got divorced, that's when I started using humor as a defense mechanism.
Uh, do you guys have plans for the weekend?
Because I have my sister on hold and she said that we could have her cabin for the weekend and go skiing.
Huh?
I'm asking you first, right?
I mean, I'm playing by the rules.
Absolutely.
Chandler, you're smoking?
What are you doing?
Hey, shut up.
You're not my real mom.
Guys?
I've got something important to tell you.
Guys?
Guys?
Guys?
I'm gonna ask Monica to marry me.
I think we gotta end the freeze-out.
Wait a minute.
Is this for real?
Yeah.
Check out the ring.
Oh, my God!
So you two are really serious.
Pretty much.
You're going to get married?
I mean, we're going to be brothers-in-law.
And we're going to be friends again.
What?
There's water under the bridge.
Forget it.
I was going to wait until it was official, you know, but I got so excited I just had to tell you guys, because you're my best friends.
I think I'm going to cry.
No more crying.
Please, I just dumped one crybaby.
I'll dump you two.
I'm gonna ask Monica to marry me.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, Chandler.
You guys are gonna be so happy.
I know.
Where's all the tissues? the ring.
Oh!
Oh!
Nice.
One and a half carat easy.
Hey, hey, Phoebs.
Chandler's gonna ask Monica to marry him.
Oh, I know.
I helped pick out the ring.
You told her before you told us?
Well, she walked in while I was looking at the ring brochures.
You can understand that, right?
Guys?
Why have I not told you?
Oh, I don't know.
Um, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace?
What?
Wait a minute.
Who told you?
You are dead meat.
I didn't know it was a big secret.
No, it's not big.
Not at all.
You know, kind of the same lines as, say, oh, I don't know, having a third nipple.
You have a third nipple?
You bitch.
Whip it out.
Whip it out.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, come on.
There's nothing to see.
It's just a tiny bump.
It's totally useless.
Oh, as opposed to your other multifunctional nipples.
I can't believe you.
You told me it was a nubbin.
Joey, what do you think a nubbin was?
I don't know.
You see something, you hear a word.
I thought that's what it was.
You guys have any wrapping paper?
Oh, is it for my birthday present?
Pheebs, it was your birthday, like, months ago.
Yeah, but remember you said you ordered something special and it just hadn't come yet?
Well, I have a call-in about that.
Oh, okay.
Actually, this is for Kathy's birthday.
It's an early edition of her favorite book.
Oh, the Velveteen Rabbit.
Oh, my God.
When the boy's love makes the rabbit real.
Okay, but don't touch it because your fingers have destructive oils.
Well, then you better keep it away from Ross's hair.
So this is pretty rare.
How did you get that?
Oh, it wasn't a big deal.
I just went to a couple of bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers, called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
Honey, that's so sweet.
Yeah, and what a great way to say I secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend.
It doesn't say that.
Does it?
How do you think it's going to look when you get her something incredibly meaningful and expensive and her boyfriend Joey, gives her an orange?
Sambuca margarita?
Is that a real thing?
Well, we only had Sambuca, so it is now.
Listen, Joe, I need to talk to you about something.
What's up?
It's about Kathy.
Oh, uh, I like her.
I like her a lot, actually.
You do?
Yeah.
Well, your timing couldn't be better.
She's not my girlfriend anymore.
What?
Yeah, she broke up with me.
Oh, uh, when?
Just now, after acting class.
At first, I thought she was doing some kind of scene.
That's why I let people watch.
Oh, man, I am so sorry.
Are you okay?
I've been better, but I'm all right.
So you like her, huh?
Yes, but I don't have to.
No, no, no, no.
It's, uh, it's okay.
Yeah?
Yeah.
You know why?
Because you came to me first.
Well, I thought that would be the best thing to do.
Hey listen, just so you know you might have your work cut out for you, because when I talked to her I kind of got the feeling she's into some other guy.
So
See, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about.
I think I know who the other guy is.
Who?
It's me.
I'm the other guy.
What?
Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking and one thing led to another and, And what?
Did you sleep with her?
No, no, no, I just kissed her.
What?
That's even worse.
How is that worse?
I don't know, but it's the same.
I'm sorry, but there's nothing I could do.
I think I'm in love with her.
Who cares?
You went behind my back?
I would never do that to you.
You're right.
I have no excuses.
I was totally over the line.
Over the line?
You're so far past the line that you can't even see the line.
The line is a dot to you.
Yes.
Yes, right.
And I feel horrible.
You have to believe me.
Oh, my God.
Is that why you bought all this stuff?
But you know what?
I will not watch your TV.
I will not listen to your stereo.
And there's a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that I'm not gonna eat.
You know why?
Probably because... Because it's all tainted with your betrayal.
From now on, this apartment is empty to me.
I'm not happy about you either.
Oh, and just so you know, I made that bread for you.
Well, come here.
I'm very happy we're going to have all the sex.
You should be.
I'm very bendy.
I'm going to kiss you now.
Not if I kiss you first.
Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but kiss.
Here it comes. first kiss?
Okay, okay, okay.
You win.
I can't have sex with you.
And why not?
Because I'm in love with Monica.
You're what?
Love her.
That's right.
I love her.
I love her.
I love you, Monica.
I love you too, Chandler.
I thought you guys were doing it.
I didn't know you were in love.
Dude.
And hats off to Phoebe.
Quite a competitor.
And may I say your breasts are still short.
God.
Chandler Bing.
Hi, honey.
We're all here.
We just want to wish you a Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas!
No, Merry Christmas.
I miss you guys.
So is it horrible?
Is everybody working really hard?
Uh, well, no.
It's just, uh, me and Wendy.
Wendy?
That sounds like a girl's name.
It is.
Did I not tell you about her?
Mm-hmm.
About the time you told me about New Year's Eve.
Where's everybody else?
I sent them home.
Oh, you are such a good boss.
Is she pretty?
Uh, uh... Answer faster, answer faster.
I don't know.
Answer better, answer better.
I don't think of her that way, you know?
I mean, she's a colleague.
What does she do there?
Oh, she's regional vice president.
She's just below me.
She did what?
Below me.
Uh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma?
What?
Well, she didn't win.
All right, well, maybe I should let you and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work.
Well, second prettiest that year.
I mean, of all the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably... Oh, Chandler, stop talking.
Honey...
There's really nothing to worry about.
Okay.
I'm serious.
Okay.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, you guys.
The wife says hi.
Ah, fun conversation.
Oh well, she's just got this weird idea that uh, you know, just because you and I are alone, that something's gonna happen.
Huh?
Really?
Hm.
That be so terrible?
This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but you're getting ham on my only tie.
Hammer!
Jonah!
I saw what you were doing through the window!
I saw what you were doing to my sister!
Now get out here!
Listen, we had a good run.
You know, what was it, four, five months?
I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime.
So goodbye, take care, bye-bye then.
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm going on the lam.
Come on, Chadwick, come on.
I can handle Ross.
Hold on.
Hey, Ross, what's up, bro?
What the hell are you doing?
Hey, what's going on?
Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica.
Dude, he's right there.
I thought you were my best friend.
This is my sister.
My best friend and my sister.
I cannot believe this.
Look, we're not just messing around.
I love her.
Okay?
I'm in love with her.
I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way.
Sorry, but it's true, I love him too.
My best friend and my sister!
I cannot believe this!
Oh, I'm sorry.
You guys want to probably get some hugs in too, huh?
Big news.
No, that's OK.
We've actually known for a while.
What?
What?
What?
You guys knew?
You all knew and you didn't tell me?
Well, Ross, we were worried about you, OK?
We didn't know how you were going to react.
You were worried about me?
You didn't know how I was gonna react?
Okay.
All right.
What do you say we all clear out of here and let these two lovebirds get back down to business?
Hey, hey, hey.
I'm just talking here.
He's the one doing your sister.
Where is she?
I need to talk to her.
It's urgent.
Is she here?
Hi, Monica.
I need to talk to you.
It's urgent.
OK.
OK, I've been doing a lot of thinking about us.
You know, a lot of us thinking.
And well, I guess there's only one way to do this.
What are you doing?
Monica.
No, no, no.
Don't do it.
Oh, I can't not look at it.
Chandler, why are you doing this?
I don't know.
But I know I'm not afraid to do this.
Chandler.
I'm doing this because I'm sorry.
Do you, um, you really think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry?
Well, no, the best reason to get married is pregnancy.
Sorry, it's pretty much fourth, you know, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married.
Will you be my wife?
Chandler, I want you to take just a minute and I want you to think about how ridiculous this sounds.
Yeah, I'm kind of wishing everyone wasn't here right now.
Did you know that none of that stuff came from me?
I mean, I never said that I wanted to have babies and get married right now.
Yeah, I know, but I was really confused.
And then I talked to these guys.
Who?
Two divorces and Joey?
Hey.
She's right, you know.
Yeah, but still, cheap shot.
You know what?
You know when I said that I want you to deal with this relationship stuff all on your own?
Well you're not ready for that.
I didn't think I was.
