All right, here we go, 1999, the year of Joey.
We're very happy for you.
What's the matter?
We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to, so, you know.
All right.
I'll take care of it.
Oh, no.
Joey.
Joey.
33, 32, 31.
Ross, listen.
Who are you kissing at midnight, huh?
Rachel or Phoebe?
What?
Well, you got to kiss someone.
You can't kiss your sister.
Well, who's going to kiss my sister?
Chandler.
Oh, man.
Dude, dude, who would you rather have kiss your sister, me or Chandler?
That's a good point.
Yeah.
Uh, well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.
Okay, great.
All right.
Pheebs, Pheebs!
Listen, Ross wants to kiss you at midnight.
It's so obvious.
Why doesn't he just ask?
Rach, Rach, listen, I'm gonna kiss you at midnight.
What?
Boy, everyone's gotta kiss someone.
Can't kiss Ross, you got the history.
So?
So, who would you rather have kissing you, me or Chandler?
Oh, good point.
Yeah.
Three, two, one!
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year, Fee.
You too.
Happy New Year, Joey.
Saw that do anything for you?
¶¶
Thank you.
Hey, Rich.
I, uh, got you a little present.
I'll open it.
It's a slinky.
Remember?
Huh?
Walks downstairs, alone or in pairs, everyone knows it's... just a big spring.
All right, you're still mad at me because of the whole The horrible and degrading list of reasons not to be with me.
How about from now on we just call it the unfortunate incident?
Hey, Gunther, you got stairs in your place?
Yeah.
Yeah, go nuts.
There we go.
I was just at the bank and there was this really hot teller and she didn't ask me to go do it with her in the vault.
Same kind of thing happened to me.
Woman pizza delivery guy comes over, gives me the pizza, takes the money, and leaves.
What, no, like, nice apartment, bet the bedrooms are huge?
No, nothing.
You know what?
We have to turn off the porn.
I think you're right.
All right, ready?
One, two, three.
That's kind of nice.
Yeah, that's kind of a relief.
You want to see if we still have it?
Yeah.
Hi, Richard.
It's Monica.
Listen, I did something kind of crazy tonight.
Maybe I'm getting my period or something.
I don't know.
Anyway, I beeped into your machine, and I heard this message that freaked me out.
And you know what?
Michelle will tell you the rest.
I'm sorry, OK?
And I hope that we can just forget the whole thing.
OK, bye.
The outgoing message has now been changed outgoing.
Did that say outgoing, not outgoing?
Hi uh richard, it's monica.
Um listen, i did something kind of crazy tonight.
Um, maybe i'm getting my period or something.
I don't know.
How did you do that?
I don't know.
Hello, Rachel.
Get off.
Oh, oh, gimme.
Can you see me operating a drill press?
I don't know.
What are you wearing?
Thieves, why would you want to operate a drill press?
Just for some short-term work.
You know, until I get back some of my massage clients.
Pirates again?
No, nothing like that.
Just such a dummy.
I taught this massage yourself at home workshop.
And they are.
Hey, hey, Chance, she could work for you.
Thanks, Joey.
That's a good idea.
Well, I could.
I could do it.
What is it?
Well, my secretary's going to be out for a couple of weeks.
She's having one of her boobs reduced.
It's a whole big boob story.
I could be a secretary.
Well, you know Pheebs, I don't know if it's your kind of thing, because it involves a lot of being normal for a large portion of the day.
I could do that.
What are you playing with?
Oh, it's my new beeper.
What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?
Is it like for dinosaur emergencies?
Help, come quick, they're still extinct.
No, it's for when Carol goes into labor.
She can get me wherever I am.
All she has to do is dial 55 Jimbo.
A cool phone number and a possible name for the kid.
Can you hear that?
Yeah.
See, that'll stop when you pick up the phone.
Oh!
Ooh, I'm on.
Okay.
Mr. Bing's office.
No, I'm sorry.
He's in a meeting right now.
I'm not in a meeting.
I'm ready.
Who?
Will he know what this is in reference to?
And he has your number.
All right, I'll see that he gets the message.
Bye-bye.
Ross, that's hi.
Ah.
This is so fun.
All right, what do we do now?
Well, now I actually have to get to work.
Most likely.
Okay, I'm going to be out there.
Okay.
All right.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Yes.
Whatcha doing?
I've got three of my five.
Three of your five what?
Celebrities I'm allowed to sleep with.
Oh, my God, you are giving us a lot of thought.
Hey, it's hard, okay?
I only have two spots left.
All right, who you got it narrowed down to?
Okay.
Elizabeth Hurley.
Ooh, very attractive.
Yeah.
Forgiving.
Susan Sarandon.
You know what?
She's too political.
She probably wouldn't let you do it unless you donated four cans of food first.
And Isabella Rossellini.
Very hot, very sexy.
But, uh, you know what?
She's too international.
You know, she's never gonna be around.
So?
So, you gotta play the odds.
Pick somebody who's gonna be in the country, like, all the time.
Yeah, because that's why you won't get Isabella Rossellini.
Geography.
Hey, Monica, it's Chip.
Yes!
Who's Chip?
He was a good runner at the bank today.
So here's my number, 555-9323.
Give me a call.
Later.
Chip?
It's Chip Matthews.
The guy who took Rachel to the prom?
Why is he calling you?
Because I ran into him at the bank.
He is still so cute.
Monica, you're so lucky.
He's like the most popular guy in school.
I know.
Jeff?
Hi, it's Monica.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, goodbye.
Oh, my God!
We just had the best conversation.
I was just leaving.
Good.
Because I've got a product report to read.
It's like eight pages.
I hope I don't fall asleep.
Why?
Did you write it?
Whoa!
Look at that!
Chip Matthews called.
Wonder what he wants.
Well, uh, actually... I bet he sensed that I was ready to have sex with another guy.
Well, um...
Why don't you give him a call?
Okay.
Are you sure you want to hear this?
Oh, I'm sure.
Chip!
Hi, it's Rachel.
Rachel Green.
Yeah, um, you left me a message?
Yes, you did.
My roommate wrote it down.
Monica Geller?
Oh.
That's right.
He called to ask out Monica.
That's gotta be embarrassing Found you in my bed How'd you wind up there?
You are a mystery.
Little black curly hair.
Little black curly hair.
Little black little black.
Little black, little black.
Little black curly hair.
Thank you.
Now, if you want to receive emails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
All right, let's start with the cons, because they're more fun.
Rachel first.
I don't know.
I mean, all right, I guess you can say she's a little spoiled sometimes.
You could say that.
You know?
I guess, you know, sometimes she's a little ditzy, you know?
And I've seen her be a little too into her looks.
Oh, and like Julie and I, we have a lot in common because we're both paleontologists, right?
But Rachel's just a waitress.
Waitress.
Got it.
You guys want to play Dune?
Or we could keep doing this.
What else?
I don't know.
Oh, her ankles are a little chubby.
Okay, let's do Julie.
What's wrong with her?
She's not Rachel.
Well, uh... He broke up with Julie.
Well, go hug her, for God's sakes.
Really?
Really.
It's always been you, right?
Oh, God.
Oh.
Oh, this is good.
This is really good.
I know.
I know.
It's almost... What do you say we go take a walk?
Just us, not them?
Let me get my coat.
Okay.
No, hey.
Whoa, whoa.
I'll get your coat.
He's going to get my coat!
He's going to get my coat!
Oh, my God!
This is unbelievable!
What's that?
What?
Nothing.
What is it?
I saw my name.
What is it?
No, no.
See?
See?
Hey, it's printing!
Hey, it's printing!
What is it?
Let me see.
Hey, someone order a Coke?
Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see.
He won't?
He won't.
Because isn't that the short story you were writing?
Yes, it is the short story that I was writing.
In a minute?
Let me read it.
No.
Come on.
Hey, uh, why don't you read it to her?
All right.
It was summer.
And it was hot.
Rachel was there.
A lonely gray couch.
Oh, look, cried Ned.
And then the kingdom was his forever, the end.
The popular Phoebe in tennis is called the overhand Phoebe.
And if you win, you must slap your opponent on the Phoebe and say, hi, Phoebe.
Oh, that's cute.
We really all enjoyed it.
But you know, it doesn't count.
Count for what?
Just count in our heads as good Mad Libs.
I guess fun time's over.
No, wait, wait, guys.
If we follow the rules, it's still fun and it means something.
I'm gonna take off.
Guys, rules are good.
Rules help control the fun.
What have you been up to?
Oh, you know, teaching aerobics, partying way too much.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, those are my legs on the new James Bond poster.
Can you hold on a moment?
I have another call.
I love her.
I know.
I'm back.
So, are we gonna get together or what?
Uh, absolutely.
Uh, how about tomorrow afternoon?
Do you know, uh, Central Perk in the village?
Say five-ish?
Great.
I'll see you then.
Okay.
Okay.
Having a phone has finally paid off.
Okay, even though you do do a good Bob impression, I'm thinking when she sees you tomorrow she's probably gonna realize hey, you're not Bob.
I am hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table.
Oh, my God.
You are pure evil.
Okay, pure evil...
Horny and alone.
I've done this.
Oh, hey, don't do that.
It's worse than the thumb.
This is so unfair.
Oh, why is it unfair?
So I have a flaw.
Big deal.
Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying, and Ross with his over-pronouncing every single word and Monica with that snort when she laughs.
I mean, what the hell is that thing?
I accept all those flaws.
Why can't you accept me for this?
Does the knuckle cracking bother everybody?
Well, I could live without it.
Was it like a little annoying, or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?
Don't listen to him, Pheebs, all right?
I think it's endearing.
Oh, you do, do you?
You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.
Indeed, there isn't.
I should really get back to work.
Yeah, otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.
Oh, the hair comes up and the gloves come off.
I didn't know about vomit.
In a minute.
So what do you say, Joey, you get the whole set of encyclopedias for $1,200.
That works out to just 50 bucks a book.
$1,200?
You think I have $1,200?
I'm home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room.
I guess there's a few things you don't get from book learning.
Well, uh, what can you swing?
How about zero down and zero a month for a long, long time?
You don't have anything.
You want to see what I got?
OK.
I got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an army man.
Hey.
OK.
I get the picture.
Thanks for your time.
And a 50.
Huh.
These must be Chandler's pants.
For 50 bucks, you can get one book.
What'll it be?
A?
B?
C?
I think I'm going to stick with the V. I want to see how this bad boy turns out.
So did you break up with Joanna?
I think so.
It's a good thing you got out when you did before she blew up like that Vesuvius.
The volcano?
Yeah.
And speaking of volcanoes, man, are they a violent igneous rock formation.
What?
Yeah, lava spewing, hot ash.
Of course, some are dormant.
Why are you talking about volcanoes all of a sudden?
Well, we can talk about something else.
What do you want to talk about?
Vivisection?
The vast difference.
The Vietnam War.
Oh, did anybody see that documentary on the Korean War?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, Korea's such a beautiful country.
With such a sad history.
Yeah.
Could there be more Kims?
Uh, Phoebe's not here, is she?
No.
Oh, great.
Did you get a movie?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
But, uh, I don't think it's the kind you're gonna like.
You didn't get more movies that are gonna have us reaching for the tissues all night, did you?
Sort of.
Guys, what's going on?
Phoebe's a porn star!
What?
What?
Phoebe Buffay in Buffay, the Vampire Lair my god, that's phoebe.
Where did you get that?
Well, down at the adult video place on bleaker and and i saw joey was about to go in, so i ran in ahead of him to to surprise him and and then then i pretended that i didn't know he was in there Wow.
I mean, I just can't, I can't believe this.
You know, I mean you think you know someone, even even Phoebe, who's always been somewhat of a question mark.
This is so bizarre.
I guess it kind of makes sense though.
She, you know, she had such a terrible childhood.
I had a terrible childhood and I don't do porn.
Yes, but you're dead inside.
Well, I better take that back.
Well, why?
Why?
I can't watch that.
I mean, that's Phoebe.
Yeah, you're right.
We can't.
We shouldn't watch this.
Absolutely not.
That goes back.
You know, maybe a little bit.
How about just the first half?
Hey, no, this is wrong, you guys.
Phoebe's our friend.
I'm not gonna watch it.
Yeah.
Good for you, Joe.
All right.
Ah, I thought I'd find you here, Nosferatu.
Buffet, are you going to plunge your steak into my dark places?
Actually, I was kind of hoping it would be the other way around.
Hold on a second.
What is that on her ankle?
Her ankle is what you're watching?
Well, it's hard to tell.
Ooh.
Oh, gosh, you just stopped moving.
Just doing her job.
You sick bastard.
Oh, it's a tattoo.
That's weird.
We need to... Oh.
Wait, that's Ursula.
That's a Phoebe.
That is Ursula.
I can watch that.
Rewind it, rewind it.
Hey.
What's up?
Oh, my God, what am I doing?
One more time.
Hey, don't you want a washboard stomach and rock-hard pecs?
No, I want a flabby gut and saggy man breasts.
Good, that's good.
Okay.
I want to quit the gym.
You want to quit?
I want to quit the gym.
You do realize you won't have access to our new full-service Swedish spa?
I want to quit the gym.
Okay.
Dave in the membership office handles quitters.
Excuse me.
Are you a member?
Me?
No.
Sorry.
Members only.
I want to quit the gym.
It's okay, man.
Be strong.
So, are you a member of any gym?
No, and I'm not going to be, so you can save your little speech.
Okay, no problem.
Could you come here for a second?
Hi, I'm Maria.
Hey, you guys.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Guess what job I just got.
I don't know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black.
What?
Blue blazer back.
He wants it back.
But you said black.
Why would he want his blue blazer black?
Well, you know what I meant.
No, you messed it up.
You're stupid.
Well, Rach, we're running low on resumes over here.
Do you really want a job with Popular Mechanics?
Well, if you're gonna work for Mechanics, those are the ones to work for.
Hey, look, you guys, I'm going for anything here, okay?
I cannot be a waitress anymore.
I mean it.
I'm sick of the lousy tips, sick of being called excuse me.
Rach, did you proofread these?
Uh, yeah?
Why?
Uh, nothing.
I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent computer skills.
Oh, my God!
Oh, do you think it's on all of them?
Oh, no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few of them.
Joey!
Got you the Joey special.
Two pizzas!
Joe?
Hello?
Damn it!
Hello?
No, Joey's not here right now, but I can take a message, I think.
He's still got a chance for the part?
Oh, that's great news!
Well, no, obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog.
Oh, well, that's great.
I will give Joey the message.
Thank you.
Yes.
Okay.
Mac... audition...
At two, allergy actor attacked.
By dog, not flowers.
Please tell me you got the message.
What message?
The actor playing Mac couldn't do it.
They needed to see you at 2 o'clock.
What?
At 6 o'clock?
I wrote it on the board.
I wrote it on the board, and then I went all over New York City looking for you.
I went to Ross's.
I went to the coffee house.
I went to any place that they make sandwiches.
I can't believe this, Chandler.
Sorry, I don't know what to say.
Well, you might say, congratulations.
I saw the board, I went to the audition, I got the part.
Is that supposed to be funny?
I was really worried over here.
Oh, well, I'm sorry.
You know, sometimes that fake out thing is just mean.
Wow, okay, man.
I'm sorry.
I did not mean to make you feel bad.
Well, that's good.
Because you didn't.
And I'm incredibly happy for you.
That's mean.
You really had me going there.
Oh, we could do this all day.
Yeah, you're right.
Hello.
Hi, it's me.
Hi.
Oh, I'm so glad you called.
Really?
I've been thinking this is crazy.
I mean, don't you think we can work on this?
Hey, what do you want to drink?
Who's that?
Nobody.
Is it okay if I finish the apple juice?
Is that more?
Oh, honey, look, he just came over.
Yeah, got it.
Hey, dinosaur guy, look at you so sad.
Come dance.
Oh, that's OK.
Thanks.
Hey.
You don't have to smile.
You just have to dance.
Look, I don't feel like dancing.
I feel like having a drink, OK?
Oh, OK.
Hey, two beers.
Aside from that, the whole evening was pretty much a bust.
Yeah, we really missed you guys.
Yeah, look, we were just saying, this whole thing is so stupid.
We just have to really, really really not let stuff like this about money get.
Like Is that a hickey?
Oh, no, I just... I fell down.
On someone's lips?
Where'd you get the hickey?
You know, a party or... What party?
Well, it wasn't a party so much as a gathering of people.
With food and music and... and the band.
You partied with Hootie and the Blowfish?
Yes, apparently Stevie and Hootie are like this.
Who gave you that hickey?
That would be the work of a blowfish.
Oh, that's nice.
Oh.
Oh.
Ross.
I'm here.
You are?
We were just... Wow.
What?
Great, now I'm having a baby.
What?
No, I'm having a baby!
I'm having a baby!
With the phone!
The phone!
Right around the phone!
Ross?
I'm hurt.
Check it out.
Check this out.
It says here there's a place you can go to rent videos of all the museums.
It's almost as good as being there.
Better?
You can't go to a museum in your underwear.
Well, you could, but probably just the one time.
I bet we could get videos of all the sites, get a VCR in our hotel room.
We'd never even have to go outside.
If we do that, we've got to rent Die Hard.
I bet the British version is good.
I guess we should go no wait, wait.
Oh, you're right Monica, we have to fix this.
There's nothing we can do.
You will raise the message yeah, unless we tell him.
Look, if you want to be totally rational about this, I can't argue with you, all right Fine, if you want to tell him, tell him.
I just, I don't want to be a part of it.
Oh, maybe that's Emily calling back to leave the exact same message.
Hey, Ross, it's you.
I just want you to remember this feeling.
You are lucky to be alive, so live every day to the fullest.
Love yourself, okay?
Okay.
Oh, and I'll also get stamps.
Bye.
Wow.
Leave that message for Emily and this whole problem goes away.
Oh, great.
This is just... Oh, my God.
It's her.
It's that Victoria's Secret model.
Something... something good-acre.
Hi, Mom.
It's Jill.
She's right.
It's Jill.
Oh, my God.
I am trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre.
Is it a vestibule?
Maybe it's an atrium.
Oh, yeah, that is the part to focus on, you idiot.
Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm just stuck at the bank at an ATM vestibule.
Jill says vestibule.
I'm going with vestibule.
I'm fine.
No, I'm not alone.
I don't know, some guy?
Oh, some guy.
I am some guy.
Hey, Jill, I saw you with some guy last night.
Yes, he was some guy.
Do you like some gum?
Oh, is it sugarless?
Sorry, it's not.
Oh, then no thanks.
What the hell was that?
Mental note, if Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it.
If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.
You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection.
Gum would be perfection?
Gum would be perfection.
Could have said gum would be nice.
Could have said I'll have a stick.
But no, no, no, no, no.
For me, gum is perfection.
I loathe myself.
Okay.
What next?
Blow a bubble.
A bubble's good.
It's got a boyish charm.
It's impish.
Here we go.
Nice going, imp.
Okay, it's okay.
All I need to do is reach over and put it back in my mouth.
Good save.
We're back on track, and I'm chewing someone else's gum.
This is not my gum.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
And now you're choking.
Are you all right?
Oh, my God, you're choking.
Better?
Yes.
Thank you.
That was... That was...
Perfection.
Here's my boy.
Here's my boy.
And here's his Barbie.
What's my boy doing with the Barbie?
He picked it out at the toy store himself.
He loves it.
He carries it everywhere.
It's like a security blanket, but with ski boots and a kicky beret.
Yeah, it's cute.
Why, why, why does he have it again?
So it's got a doll.
So what?
Unless you're afraid he's gonna grow up to be in show business.
This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that he's been raised by two women, would it?
You know what?
It's fine.
If you're okay with the Barbie thing, so am I.
Give Daddy the Barbie.
Give me the Barbie, okay?
Don't you want to play with a monster truck?
No?
Okay.
How about a dino soldier?
Everything's going fine, really.
Yeah, Ross is great.
He's in a whole other place.
No, he's gone.
No, no, you don't have to fly back, really.
What do you mean this might be your only chance?
Would you stop?
I'm only 26.
I'm not even thinking about babies yet.
Four letters, circle or hoop?
Ring, damn it, ring!
Thanks.
Hey, you know our phone's not working?
What?
I tried to call you from the coffee shop.
There was no answer.
I turned it off.
Mother of God, I turned it off!
Just like you told her you did.
Just pointing out the irony.
Uh, Phoebe, look, look.
This is for the babies to look at someday.
So is there anything you want to say?
You know before it all starts.
Oh, okay.
Um, hi, kids.
Um, it's me.
I'm Phoebe.
Can't wait to see you.
Please don't hurt me.
What took you guys so long?
Your cab left when ours did.
We had to go back because I forgot my jacket.
That's right.
You're not wearing a jacket.
Oh, man, I did it again.
So, um, someone has to call Frank and Alice, and then my mom might... Joey, what are you doing?
I gotta get the before shot.
Oh, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
There's none of that in here.
Oh, come on, man.
At least let me finish this last one.
Okay, but only if you give me a drag.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh, dark mother.
Once again, I suckle at your smoky teat.
Why don't you hold on to that one?
Okay, that's like the least fun game ever.
Well, I'm really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit.
Oh.
Nope, that patch is no good.
Juan, it's a hypnosis tape.
This woman at work used it for two weeks straight, and she hasn't smoked since.
Huh.
What's your problem?
Nothing.
It's just that hypnosis is beyond crap.
Ross, I watched you get hypnotized in Atlantic City.
Hey, that guy did not hypnotize me, okay?
Oh right, because you always pull your pants down on the count of three and play wipeout on your butt cheeks.
All right, forget hypnosis.
The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather and then bathe in the sweat of six healthy young men.
Or what my father calls Thursday night.
Falling fast asleep.
Deeper, deeper, deeper.
You are now completely asleep.
You don't need to smoke.
Cigarettes don't control you.
You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke.
A strong, Oh, my God.
Guys, please, I'm just gonna have dinner with him, okay?
Okay, okay, just because he buys you dinner does not mean you owe him anything.
I know.
Okay, then get the lobster.
Every night.
You don't need to smoke.
Cigarettes don't control you.
You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke.
A strong, confident woman. who does not need to smoke.
Cigarettes don't control you.
You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke.
Joey's your best friend.
You want to make him a cheese sandwich every day.
And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.
Hello?
Hey, where the hell have you been?
Hey, I spent the night out.
I met this cute bridesmaid.
She is so... I don't want to hear about her!
Aw, Pheebs, you know you're still my number one girl.
No, no, we have an emergency, okay?
Rachel's coming to London.
Oh, great!
Well, it's not great.
No, she's coming to tell Ross that she loves him.
But he loves Emily.
I know that!
You have to stop her.
She's gonna ruin the wedding.
Okay.
Okay, so I've done my part, okay?
It's your responsibility now.
The burden is off me, right?
Right.
So tell me about this girl.
I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books.
I love her books.
I cannot get on a plane without one.
I mean, this is so cool.
Yeah well, you wouldn't think it's cool if you're 11 years old and all your friends are passing around.
Page 79 of Mistress Bitch.
Hey, hey, hey, she's on.
Ah, Nora Bing.
Now, what is this about you being arrested in London?
What is that all about?
Your mom was arrested?
The busy beaming was pride.
This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man.
Now, why would you say that's embarrassing?
Just get this craving for Kung Pao chicken.
That's too much information!
All right, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing.
How is that going?
Oh, fine.
I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate.
But I get to see my son, who I love.
Oh!
And this is the way that I find out.
Most moms use the phone.
You know, don't take this wrong.
I just don't see you as a mom somehow.
I don't mean that bad.
Oh, no, I am a fabulous mom.
I bought my son his first condoms.
And then he burst into flame.
That's it.
I cannot make this decision.
It is too difficult.
So I am just going to leave it entirely up to the gods of fate.
A magic eight ball?
You can't be serious.
You can't make this decision with a toy.
Oh, it's not a toy.
I don't know what else to do.
I mean I either keep my wife and lose one of my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced for the second time before I'm 30.
So if anyone else has a better suggestion, let's hear it, because I got nothing.
All right, don't be shy.
Any suggestion will do.
Okay then.
Here we go.
Magic eight ball.
Should I never see Rachel again?
Ask again later.
Later is not good enough.
Ask again later.
What the hell?
This is broken.
It is broken.
Let me see.
Will Chandler have sex tonight?
Don't count on it.
Seems like it works to me.
Hello?
Hey!
Listen, I'm sorry I didn't make it over there today.
Oh, that's okay.
You had a thing.
Yeah, well, I hear the place looks great.
Oh, forget about it.
I'm having a ball.
How's the apartment doing?
Oh, hey, it's terrific.
I mean, it's a regular space... fest.
Oh, well, great.
Yeah, I just, you know, wanted to call and say hey.
Well, okay then.
Was that the oven timer?
That's right, my friend.
It's time for... B-Watch!
Can you believe they gave Stephanie skin cancer?
I still can't believe they promoted her to lieutenant.
You're just saying that because you're in love with Yasmine Bleat.
Well, how could anyone not be in love with Yasmine Bleat?
Hey, hey, they're running.
See, this is the brilliance of the show.
I say always keep them running.
All the time running.
Run.
Call him, but... You came to tell him you love him!
I knew it!
I was right!
I'm right, right?
I'd really rather talk to him.
Do you have any idea where he is?
Ross, are you there?
Ross, I don't know if you can hear this, but I'm going to talk anyway.
I'm in the States with your sister and your friends and it's all over with Colin.
I came here to tell you that and to tell you... What?
Yes, Joey, you can have all the chocolate you want.
Just take it.
I came here to tell you that I love you.
I love you too.
I'm going to call you right now from the phone booth.
You can't hear me.
So, how's your date with your cyber chick going?
Ooh, hey, what is all that?
Oh, it's a website.
It's the Guggenheim Museum.
See, she likes art and... I like funny words.
What does she mean by HH?
It means we're holding hands.
Are you the cutest?
I'm afraid I might just be.
You know what I think is so great that you are totally into this person.
Yet for all you know, she could be like 90 years old or have two heads, or It could be a guy.
Okay, it's not a guy, all right?
I know her.
It could be like a big, giant guy.
Hey.
Is the show still on?
Almost over, man.
Hey, Nonny.
Oh, cool.
Is that the Pope?
Hey.
Why am I looking?
Oh, Nonny, here I am.
Look, this is my big scene.
All right, back off.
I got a gun.
I'm not afraid to use it.
Oh, Joey!
That's right, Noni.
You couldn't have at least changed your shirt.
Now, I want a suitcase filled with $100,000.
Filled with $100,000 in small bills.
And if I don't get...
And if I don't get it, I'm going to shoot this duck.
Oh, no.
I'm coming out.
Was she supposed to buy this?
Joey, bravo!
Bellissimo!
Ground control to Major Tom.
Commencing countdown.
Engines...
That's, uh, scenes from next week's show.
Next week.
Hello?
Hey, Joey.
Hey, Pheebs.
Listen, uh, can you do me a favor?
I forgot the PIN number to my ATM card.
Can you get it for me?
Sure.
Where is it?
Uh, I scratched it on the ATM machine down on the corner.
Ah, so you're 5639?
That's it.
Thanks, Pheebs.
Hey.
Oh, do you want to talk to Chandler?
Is that Joey?
Let me talk to him.
No, because he didn't believe in my movie, which is a big mistake because it is real.
Real.
Hey, you know what?
I've been trying to apologize to him all week.
If he's not gonna let me do it on the phone, I'm gonna go down there, I'm gonna do it in person.
Uh, Pheebs, I heard that.
Uh, can you put him on?
Yeah.
Hey, don't come out here.
No, no, no, no.
I support you 100%, and I want to prove that to you in person.
I got that.
I forgive you.
Don't come out here.
You haven't been taking my calls for a week.
Well, I'm totally over it, Chandler.
Friends forever.
Don't come out here.
Would you like doing a picture with us?
What was that?
Uh, Entertainment Tonight.
Yeah.
Okay, so, good talking to you, and don't come out here.
All right.
Wow, cool poster.
Or should I say, groovy poster.
So, where were we?
Are those your teeth?
Oh.
You can see them, huh?
Yes, they're insanely white.
Yeah, I did that for you.
What's the matter with you?
What's the matter with me?
You've got a black light.
It's 1999.
