Lemonada.
Hey, grownups.
Lee here.
Boy, oh boy.
We really want to thank our listeners who chipped in over the holidays to help fund season eight of the Story Pirates podcast.
It's really clear to us that we can't do this alone.
And the generosity you showed us was an instant reminder of how incredible this community of listeners is.
It feels really amazing to know that each of you believes that all kids are creative geniuses, just like we believe.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You may notice in the coming weeks some new names in the credits, too.
We have some amazing new co-executive producers that we're so grateful have come on board and, by the way, the limited time cameo videos were so popular that we're keeping it going for just a little bit longer.
Until the end of january you can still get a personalized video from myself or peter, but this is really your last chance at after January 31st.
We won't be doing these again anytime soon.
So if there is a birthday or a special event coming up later in the year that you'd like to have a personalized video for, get your orders in now and you'll still be helping the Story.
Pirates finish our season.
And of course, all donations are completely tax deductible.
Get your personalized video or get in touch about a larger contribution at storypiratescom slash support.
That link is also in the show notes for today's episode.
Okay, on to the show after a few more words for the grown-ups.
Hey, grownups.
We're taking a moment out here to share a great podcast from bestselling author and PBS host, Kelly Corrigan.
We think you'll love.
It's called Kelly Corrigan Wonders.
Kelly Corrigan.
Wonders is built around thoughtful, in-depth conversations with people whose lives reflect curiosity, creativity and humility.
For the past five years, Kelly Corrigan has been sitting down with big thinkers and doers, and she has some great guests coming up, including NBA coach Steve Kerr, writer George Saunders and father Greg Boyle.
Each episode is both inspiring and practical, offering ideas and perspectives that feel especially useful as we look ahead to a new year.
These conversations explore how people think, how they make meaning and how they approach life with intention.
The show is sponsored by the John Templeton Foundation.
Kelly Corrigan Wonders has more than 20 million downloads and thousands of five-star reviews, with past guests ranging from Melinda Gates to Judd Apatow, to Bono, Bryan Stevenson and Jennifer Garner.
You can listen to Kelly Corrigan Wonders in your favorite podcast app now.
Hey, Lee.
Hey, Peter.
Anything interesting happening on the ship today?
Eh, not yet, but I find that if you just wait a couple seconds, something interesting always seems to Everyone listen up.
I, Rachel, have finally done it.
I have constructed the perfect chair.
See what I mean?
Oh, yeah.
Peter, Lee, behold my magnum opus.
That is one beautiful rocking chair, Rachel.
That it is, Peter.
I've been diligently working on it down in my woodshop for years, and she's finally complete.
My angel.
The ship has a woodshop?
Yeah, it's down by the storage room.
The ship has a storage room?
I turned the legs on my foot-powered lathe, I steam-bent the rockers with exhaust from the Bean Emporium and I hand-chiseled the Story Pirates logo onto each of the rails.
Thought that was a nice touch.
Wow.
I don't know what any of that means.
It's breathtaking, Rachel.
Are you going to sell it?
I sure am.
This one of a kind handcrafted masterpiece is only 38,000 ship coins.
What?
That is so expensive.
That's the price of quality.
Did someone say, I wish I could buy an affordable and easy to transport chair?
No.
Then look no further.
Hi, I'm Siegfried the Orange, owner and spokesviking for Beltchair.
Beltchair?
Beltchair, the world's first biodegradable chair that rapidly prints out of the back of your belt wherever and whenever you start to sit.
What?
Oh, I'd be happy to demonstrate.
Sitting...
Ah, there.
A whole chair just popped out the back of his belt.
And when you're done sitting, simply stand up and watch as your belt's incineration feature clears the chair from existence.
Did you say incineration?
Standing up.
Belt chair is only 13 ship coin.
And if you sign up for belt chair plus right now for only 1299 a month, you can have chair cartridge refills automatically shipped to your home address for free.
I love free refills.
Who's in?
Me.
I'll take a belt chair.
Me too.
I never realized how great chairs are until now.
What?
Wait, what about my chair?
I actually made it.
I'm sure Siegfried didn't make that belt.
Of course not.
I bought the technology from Niminy.
That's the free market for you.
Not my fault if your little wood shop around the corner can't compete.
Your soulless corporate chairs will never catch on.
Don't worry, Rachel.
When your little independent wood shop fails, you can always come work for me.
Never.
I'll never sell out to Big Chair.
It just filled me up with joy.
My mom loves the jokes.
Yo, yo, my joke.
It made me very proud about my writing.
Now it's time for me to cry.
I definitely think I can be more creative now.
I'm the champion.
The Sully Pirates.
Welcome back to the Storypires podcast, everyone.
Where we take stories written by kids and turn them into sketch comedy and songs.
And other times we try to crush our friend's independent chair company by flooding the market with cheap prefabricated chairs.
What do you expect?
I'm a Viking.
Conquering is every Viking's love language.
That's not true.
I have another Viking friend who's way more thoughtful than you.
Rachel, you have another Viking friend?
I do.
We met in an online chat room about axes.
He understands how sensitive us woodworkers are.
Unlike this barbarian.
Ha!
You think I don't know about woodworkers?
My best friend is a woodworker.
Her name, coincidentally, is also Rachel.
But she understands me like you never could, Rachel.
Oh, yeah?
Well, Rachel sounds terrible.
Rachel's the best.
Now, if you'll excuse me, Rachel, I'm going back to my room to email Rachel.
And not you, Rachel.
I'm storming away, too.
Goodbye.
Goodbye!
Hmm.
I think I see where this is going.
Yeah, it's just like the plot of that movie that's a remake of the other movie.
Yeah.
Jurassic Park?
No, Peter.
Never mind.
Should we just do a story?
Yes, please!
Here to introduce it is the author!
Hi, I'm Charlotte.
I'm nine years old.
I'm Matisse, and I'm seven years old.
And I'm Elena, and I'm nine years old.
And we're from Illinois.
This is our story.
The Mistino Chef!
Get back here, mosquito.
Please, please stop chasing me, bug police.
I didn't mean to eat that bug.
I swear.
He's getting away.
Just forget you ever saw me.
I'll never forget.
Never forget.
I got away.
Oh, that was a close one for me.
Mosquito, the mosquito.
Oh, why can't I control my insatiable urge to eat other bugs? starting a new life.
I'll just need a new persona.
But what could it be?
Hey, it looks like I've flown into a bug kitchen.
Order up.
Excuse me, what is this place?
It's the most famous bug kitchen in town.
Hi, I'm Chef Spider.
A chef, eh?
Maybe my new identity could be a chef.
What's that?
I said I could help you out.
You can't just be a chef.
I went to culinary school for this.
Le Cordon Green.
It's a one to two year program.
One to two years?
But I'm a mosquito.
My lifespan's two to four weeks.
But then you'll need a faster program.
Maybe try the University of Flea Knits.
That will take about a week.
Oh, perfect.
How can I ever thank you, Chef Spider?
Don't mention it.
It's tough out here for a bug.
This business will eat you alive.
Good idea.
What?
Oh, no, you're eating me!
Oh, mosquito, you did it again!
That was the last one.
On to my new identity.
To culinary school!
Graduates of the University of Fleenitz, it's been a busy week, and we're so proud of all of you.
Here to give the valedictorian speech is a student bug chef who soared above all expectations Chef Moore Skeeto.
I'm a chef!
Yay!
My fellow graduates.
I feel like we've all grown so close over these seven long days that I now consider you all dinner.
I mean family.
I thank you all from the bottom of my stomach.
I mean heart.
Now, let's get out there and change the bug world.
Chef Mosquito, come back here behind the curtain.
Wow, you really have a way with the crowd.
They love you up there.
Oh, thanks, Dean.
What can I say?
I love a crowd.
And the crowd loves you, darling.
So much charisma.
This is exactly who we need to save our network.
Your network?
That's right, Chef Skeeto.
I'm an executive at TBN, the bug network.
The bug network?
That's the one, the bug network.
We were all set to have a new cooking show hosted by Chef Spider, but he mysteriously went missing seven long days ago.
Oh.
All right, Chef Spider sure was delicious.
I mean, talented.
That he was.
But I think I see an even bigger star right here in front of me.
Me?
What?
No.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I think you, Moresquito, are the next big star of TBN.
Really?
You're hired.
See you Monday morning.
Ciao.
Hey.
Wow, one of my students is a big TV star.
Moresquito, I wish I could go with you.
Well, Dean, maybe you can.
Wait, what?
You're eating me.
Moresquito, you did it again.
That's it.
That's the last one.
You can't keep doing this once you become a TV star.
And this is how you make a decaying plant quiche.
We love you, Chef Mosquito.
We'll be right back with more Mosquito Bites with Chef Mosquito.
And we're clear.
Hey, great job, everybody.
More, baby.
You're killing it out there.
Oh, thanks.
Okay, we're back in 30.
Say, is that a new stage manager?
Where did Stan go?
Uh, you know, I'm not sure.
Uh, vacation?
Strange how many bugs have been taking vacation recently.
It sure is.
The police!
Hello, I'm Detective Roly-Poly.
Chef, Skeeto, you mind if I ask you a couple questions?
Oh, uh, sorry, Detective, but we're about to be back on the air.
Maybe after the show.
Hmm, you know, you look familiar.
Yeah.
I should think so.
He's the biggest star in Bugland.
Yeah, I get that a lot.
We're back in five.
We'll talk after the show.
Sure thing.
And three, two... Welcome back to the Bug Network.
I'm your host, Chef Mosquito, and you're watching Mosquito Bites.
Boy, oh boy, I'm excited for what is up next.
Today, my first guest is, let me just look at my cards here, Bug.
Yep, his name is Bug.
Hi, everyone.
My name is Bug, and I finally get to be on the most famous bug talk show of all time.
Well, that's very kind of you, Bug.
Now, you are also a chef, so tell me about your new restaurant.
It's a vegetarian forward diner called Leaf Me Alone.
Oh, wow.
Tell me more.
Well, it's in a tree.
Great.
Well, that's all the time we have.
Until next time, this has been Mosquito Boys.
And we're clear.
Wow, that was a lot of fun.
Thanks for having me on.
Oh, my pleasure.
Say, would you mind signing my autograph book?
It's just backstage over here behind this wall where no one can see.
Uh, sure.
It's right here.
Can you make it out to Bug?
Oh, sure thing.
To Bug, Chef-osquito.
Thank you so much.
Of course.
I am going to eat you.
What?
Hey, Bug, that was... Oh, hey, Chef.
Where did Bug go?
Oh, where did that, where did that bug go?
Um, I think he went... Down the hatch.
Bug police.
I remember you now.
You're that mosquito who keeps eating everybody.
You've been eating everyone?
Oh, say it ain't so.
It ain't so?
Oh, good, because I was really worried that... Hey, stop eating bugs.
I'm so sorry.
You are under arrest.
You're going to bug jail.
No!
Hey, mosquito.
What you in for?
Eating bugs.
How about you, dog?
Barking up the wrong tree.
Rough.
Well, I guess this is the end of my story.
Doesn't have to be.
You want to get out of here?
How?
I dig us down into the sewers, and then we have a dance party.
I'll have a chance to start over.
And this time, I won't eat any bugs.
Here I go, digging down to the... Whoa, you're eating me!
Oh, boy, I really have a problem.
The end! wonderful story that was.
That was exactly what I needed to stop thinking about Siegfried and his quote unquote chairs.
Well, guess I'm actually still thinking about that, huh?
I know what will cheer me up.
Going on the net and exchanging emails with my anonymous best friend, which I can do because I am a grown-up.
I'll just open my big chunky laptop here and log on.
Dial-up really is the only way to surf the web.
You've got an electronic message.
Ah, my favorite words.
It's from my friend, Fancy Viking Y1K.
Let's see what he's got.
Dear friend, I was thinking about what you said the other day about how hard it is living on your pirate ship that's been converted into a land ship so far from the ocean, and it got me thinking about how hard it is living on my pirate ship that's been converted into a land ship so far from the ocean.
Especially for Binky.
Binky is my narwhal.
He loves the sea almost as much as I do, although he likes to eat bits of fish and squid straight from the depths and I prefer to buy them.
Ha!
Oh, fun.
Oh, fancy.
See, fucking Y1K.
You are so relatable.
Rachel!
What is it, Siegfried?
Would you keep it down in here?
Your deafening laughter is distracting me from electronically corresponding with my friend.
Your friend?
I bet she's not even real.
How dare you!
She's more real than you'll ever be.
Now keep it down.
Fine.
Allfather, give me strength.
Back to my room.
It's time for me to log on.
You've got Viking electronic nails.
Odin's eyeball!
I have a message for my dear friend, the better Rachel.
Her screen name is really wonderful.
Woodshop girl Rachel, the story pirate.
I've always wondered what it means.
I think it means that Rachel is... I wasn't asking you, Binky.
Sorry.
Let's see what she says.
Dear friend, I would love a bouquet of axes, thank you.
You know, for woodworking, what you told me the other day about how you were reluctant to start your new business for fear of hurting your friend.
I've since found myself in a remarkably similar situation and I actually have some advice.
Be ruthless.
It's not personal.
It's business.
I actually own my own company, and this nasty Viking is trying to put me out of business.
But am I going to roll over and give up?
No.
And neither are you, because you are a Viking, and Vikings don't surrender.
Okay, love you, bye.
Yes, of course.
My best friend Rachel is right about my best enemy, Rachel.
I shall not surrender.
I will fight for Valhalla!
What is it now?
You!
Yes, me.
And would you keep it down in here?
I'm trying to wait for my online friend to write me back in peace.
I'm starting to think that your online Viking isn't even real.
As far as I know, I'm the only real Viking left.
Typical.
You think the whole Viking world revolves around you.
Well, I can assure you that there is at least one more out there.
Oh, yeah?
What's his name?
His real name?
I don't know.
But his screen name is delightful.
It's Fancy Viking Y1K.
Now, good day to you, sir.
Huh.
That's funny.
My screen name is Fancy Viking Y1K.
But how could... I mean, if her friend's screen name is... and my screen name is... Wait.
Hold on.
Almost got it.
That means that she must be... The same Rachel?
Quiet, Narwhal!
Sorry.
The same Rachel!
Oh, wait, is that what you just said?
Yes.
Right.
Boy, I am so rude to you.
It's okay.
We'll be right back after a few words for the grown-ups.
And just a little more sanding over here.
And some stain over there.
And done.
Perfect.
There it is, Rachel.
Your very last chair.
Hey, Rachel.
Do you know where this mysterious storage room is that everyone's talking about?
Yeah, it's right next door.
Thanks.
Wait, Peter.
Don't you want to see this new chair I built?
Oh, that's okay.
I have a belt chair.
See?
Sitting down.
Oh, I forgot.
I haven't bought one yet.
Hey, it's fun down here on the ground.
I'm going to roll away.
Bye.
Curse that belt chair!
Uh, knock knock?
Siegfried?
Oh, hi.
Well, looks like you've succeeded.
No one wants my chairs anymore, so I'm shutting down my business.
Have you come to gloat?
No, I... I just want to make sure you know it wasn't personal.
It was just business.
Huh.
That sounds just like the advice I gave a friend recently.
But now that I'm on the other side of it, I gotta say it does feel personal.
Rachel, what is this incredible chair you've constructed?
It's magnificent.
Oh, this?
It's a replica Red Cedar Allsburg Viking chair.
I made it for my best friend, Fancy Viking.
For me?
I mean, him?
It's perfect.
I'm certain he will love it.
I hope so.
I've invited him to meet me at our next gas station stop in three minutes, where I'm going to give it to him.
You did?
Yes, I just sent him an electronic mail, but he hasn't responded yet.
Wow.
When he arrives, I hope he's not a disappointment.
Oh, he won't be.
You know, sometimes I wonder if I hadn't randomly picked chairs as my new business something about which you care deeply and I have no real opinion maybe we'd still be friends.
Probably.
Then you and I would never have gone to war.
And the only thing we'd fight about is which flavor of Lee's homemade kefir is the worst.
Well, who fights about that?
Not us, because we both know that it's raspberry and old shoes.
Yes, that one literally makes no sense.
Right?
Well, I really have to go.
Of course.
You don't want to be late.
Good luck.
Thanks.
Oh, hey, Siegfried.
Where are you going?
To face the music, Lee.
Wish me luck.
Uh, okay.
Good luck.
Peter, why are you rolling around on the ground?
I don't remember, but I am so lost.
Hey, the ship is stopping.
Are we here?
Have we reached the gas station?
I for one do not know where I am.
Dizzy.
Yep, we have.
You gotta help me carry this chair outside.
Quickly, to outside.
That was extremely heavy.
Am I too late?
Is he here?
I don't see anyone.
Of course he's not here.
He's not my real friend.
Plus, I only emailed him 10 minutes ago and I have no idea where he even is on the planet.
Oh, Rachel, you've made a fool of yourself on the internet.
Again.
Are you still wondering who your online friend is?
I think it's pretty obvious that... Binky!
Hey, Binky, get back here, you narwhal!
Is that a narwhal rolling by in a wagon?
Who?
But that's the name of Fancy Viking Y1K's narwhal.
That it is.
Siegfried?
What are you doing here?
You invited me, woodshop girl Rachel the Story Pirate.
Fancy Viking Y1K?
I hope my friendship isn't a disappointment.
I... I wanted it to be you.
I wanted it to be you so badly.
Thank you.
Wow, this really is like that movie.
Yeah, except way less dinosaurs.
Peter?
Yes, Lee?
Never change.
I don't know how.
Should we do another story?
Yeah!
Great idea, Binky!
And here to introduce it is the author!
Hi, I'm Alani, and I'm 10 years old.
And I'm Alaya, and I'm 4 years old.
We live in New York!
This is our story, Suing Dinos.
Hey, Alani.
Hey, Alaya.
How was school, little brother?
It was all right, but now I'm really excited to be home where I don't have to worry about anything scary like the dentist.
Time to go to the dentist.
No, mom, please.
Sheesh, Aliyah, you always overreact.
But the dentist is scary.
This one isn't.
I found a new place called the Dino-tist.
Sounds fun, right?
Not really.
That's the spirit.
Oh.
Here we are at the Dinotist dentist office.
You wait here on this bench and I'll check you in.
Mom, this bench is weird.
It feels like gummy candy.
A dentist office made entirely out of unhealthy food?
That's different.
I'll be right back.
Whoa, this bench is jiggly.
Is it actually candy?
It is.
Oh, hey, kid.
I didn't see you there.
Get out while you can.
Your teeth will only get worse if you come here.
What?
That's not even the worst part.
The worst part is... Franklin, the dentist will see you now.
Oh, no.
I gotta go.
Good luck.
Goodbye.
Wait, what's the worst part?
What's the worst part?
All right, Aliyah, you're all checked in.
Have you tried this wall?
It's made out of cake.
I don't know, Mom.
I'm a kid and even I know that there's something not right about a dentist's office made out of unhealthy food.
I think we should go home before... Elia, the dentist will see you now.
Mom, no!
Elia, you are overreacting again.
Have fun in there.
Oh.
And here you are, up in the chair.
See?
You were overreacting.
The dino test isn't so bad.
I guess not.
Hey, why do they call it the Dinotist anyway?
Because the dentist is a T-Rex.
Oh, well that makes... Wait, what?
Hey there, Aliyah.
How we doing today?
You're a dinosaur.
Guilty as charged.
Let's take a look at those chompers.
Let me grab my tool here and we'll take a look.
Wait, is that tool made out of rock candy?
It is.
Now open wide and let's do some dino dentistry.
Aliyah's mom?
Right here.
Sorry.
These cheesecake doorknobs are irresistible.
Aliyah, how was it?
At the beginning of the exam, they said I had a cavity.
Oh, no.
But at the end, they said I had 12 more.
What?
Yes, this is actually a pretty common issue.
This is unacceptable.
The dentist should fix teeth, not make them worse.
Why, I oughta.
Now, Aliyah, what are you going to do?
Let's not overreact.
I'm not going to overreact, Mom.
I'm going to sue this T-Rex.
Oh, no.
I'll see you in court.
Order in the court.
Next case, we have Oliah the Child versus T-Rex the Dentist.
Good afternoon, Your Honor.
And Oliah?
I will be serving as my little brother's attorney.
I think maybe you kids have overreacted.
Mom.
Sorry, sorry.
Two children.
This is highly unorthodox.
I'll tell you what's unorthodox.
A dinosaur dentist that builds an office out of unhealthy food so that all their patients leave with more cavities than they went in with.
What, what, what?
You can't say that.
That's slander.
Oh, yeah?
What are you going to do about it?
I'm going to sue you.
I'll see you in court.
Order in the court.
Next case, we have T-Rex, the dentist, versus Alani, the child lawyer.
Hello, Mr. X.
Good afternoon, your honor.
And Alani.
I'm here being represented by my brother, Olaya.
Your honor.
Maybe we should all take things down a notch here, huh?
Wait a second.
Did we ever sort out that last case?
No, your honor.
That T-Rex sued me and we just jumped straight to this case, which I think you should dismiss.
You think you can tell me what to do in my own court?
I'm in charge here and there's nothing you can do about it.
What if I sue the judge?
Order in the court.
Next case, we have Ohlone, the child lawyer, versus the judge.
What am I doing over here?
And why is the T-Rex up in my seat?
The bailiff here let me in.
Sorry, I don't know what's happening.
Bailiff, you've failed at your duties.
I'm going to sue the bailiff.
Order in the court.
The next case is the judge versus the bailiff.
Mom, how did you become the judge?
I honestly don't know.
Should we dismiss the cases?
Does anyone object?
I do.
The dental hygienist?
I object to the fact that when you were at the office, you ate the doorknob, and I've been trapped in it ever since.
I had to eat my way through ten layers of wall cake.
Oh, that's my fault?
What are you going to do?
Actually, do not answer that question.
I'm going to sue the...
Order in the court.
Next case, hygienist versus mom.
Scared kid from the dentist?
I don't want to be up here.
This is getting out of hand.
We now have several undecided open cases.
Everyone, stop suing each other.
You can't tell me what to do.
I'm suing you.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I'm suing you.
I'm suing you both.
I'm suing you.
I'm suing you.
I'm suing you.
I'm suing you.
I'm suing myself.
What?
Why?
I felt left out.
Bailiff.
I'm suing you.
Order in my court!
Okay, we've been here for weeks now, and this is the final case.
The entire world versus the entire world.
Entire world.
You're suing the entire world because, well, let me see here, the entire world sued you.
Before I give my verdict, does anyone want to say anything for or against the entire world?
Your Honor, I have something to say.
I'm going to sue the entire- Aliyah!
That is enough!
Mom?
Don't you think that maybe, just maybe, this might be an overreaction?
Yes, that dentist was a bad dentist, but I am sure we can work something out without suing the entire world.
But- Uh-huh.
Wow-
Yeah, I think maybe I've taken things a little too far.
Me too.
T-Rex?
Your words have moved me, that kid's mom.
I'm very sorry I built my office out of unhealthy food.
The secret is, I'm a dinosaur.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
I think we should drop the case.
What do you say, Your Honor?
Too late for that.
I side in favor of the entire world.
No!
Which means the entire world has to pay everything they own to itself.
Wow, I think that means that we all win and lose.
Anyway, I'm so sorry I overreacted.
It's okay.
I'm still so proud of you kids.
Now can we finally go home and relax? where there's nothing to worry about.
Oh, that reminds me.
It is time to go to the doctor.
I'm suing you!
Aliyah!
Sorry.
The end.
And now, Lee speaks with the author.
Hi, Alani and Aliyah.
It's Lee from Story Pirates.
Hi.
Hi.
Okay, which one of you is Alani?
I'm Alani.
Okay, and which one of you is Aliyah?
Aliyah.
Okay.
Wow.
So first, you wrote two stories, both about suing dinos.
Is that right?
Yes.
Can you tell me how you came up with your idea for these stories?
I'm not sure we've ever talked about this on the show before, but...
Could you explain what suing is?
It's like people going to court and there's a judge and the judge decides who gets the thing that they're arguing about.
So it's like if you have a problem, you can go to court and someone will help you decide what's right, sort of.
Yeah, I think it's like that.
Okay, cool.
And in this case, the dentist is the one being sued, right?
Yes.
And the dentist is a dinosaur.
Yes.
So talk me through it.
If then Aliyah sues the dentist and Aliyah wins, what does Aliyah get?
Like, Aliyah would get, like, close the dentist or, like, get it demolished or something.
Like...
All right, cool.
And then in the second story, the dinosaurs that are getting sued sue the humans, and they sue Alani.
Yes.
What right do they have to sue Alani?
It doesn't seem like Alani did anything wrong.
Well, they might think that it's not fair, so they don't agree with the judge.
Okay, so I have a question.
I was wondering if we could maybe act out some of this court scene together.
So maybe, like, Alani, you could be the judge.
Uh-huh.
And I could play Alaya, your brother.
And then, Alaya, maybe you can play the dinosaur who just roars.
Roar!
Okay, Your Honor, I'm here in court today because something very, very bad has happened to me.
I went to the dentist, and this T-Rex right here made my teeth terrible.
And I need you to give me justice, Judge.
Well, first you have to listen to both sides.
Well, first you.
Well, I went to the dentist like normal, and the T-Rex dentist just made my teeth worse.
See, look.
Look at my teeth right here.
Yee!
That's disgusting.
I know.
Now the dinosaur's side.
I do not understand that.
So I think a liar...
Has won, and the dino has been shooed.
Yes!
Sorry, dino.
And can I ask, Your Honor, what kind of damages can I expect here?
What do I get for winning this case?
You can do whatever you want with the dentistry.
Well, maybe I'm just going to turn it into a dinosaur petting zoo.
What do you think, T-Rex?
I'm going to take that as a yes.
Alani and Alaya, I'm so in love with your story.
It is so good, both of your stories.
Thank you so much for sending them in to us and letting us perform them.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
Okay, bye, guys.
Bye.
Thank you, Lee.
Bye-bye.
And when we come back, it's time for Story Love, where Peter and I read even more stories written by kids.
Welcome back to Story Love, where we read stories written by kids and we talk about them.
I'm your host, Lee.
And this is Peter.
And I'm a guy.
You're also a host.
Thank you.
You're a co-host.
Thank you.
All right, let's get into it, shall we?
We shall.
Lee, will you read the very first story?
Oh, absolutely.
I would love to.
This one's from Tessa, a seven-year-old in Wisconsin, and it's called A Planet in a Black Hole.
Allison looked online for advice.
Does the black hole have any planets?
Reply, no.
Then, when she asked her mom, Mom, does the black hole have any planets?
Her mom said, no.
One day, she went to outer space.
She went to the black hole.
And she went into the black hole and looked and looked and when she saw a planet, she hugged it.
Then she saw a banana on the planet.
Then she saw a palace with a king banana, a queen banana and, of course, a princess banana and a prince banana.
Of course.
Then Allison realized that this is a banana planet.
The queen banana welcomed her to our banana planet in the black hole.
The queen asked Allison, do you want to stay?
Um... Yes, I want to stay, said Princess Allison.
Okay, but then, right as Princess Allison went to her room, something happened to the banana villagers.
The banana villagers got hypnotized by the oranges.
And the bananas are saying...
I am an orange.
We love you, Queen Orange.
Then Allison realized that the king was not hypnotized.
And she asked the king, could you pour this cup of medicine on the queen's head?
So the king did.
And the queen got cured.
And the villagers thanked Allison so much.
And she would visit every day.
The end.
Wow.
The immediate thing in this story that I found really intriguing is they just right off the bat say
Does the black hole have any planets?
Mom, does the black hole?
Oh, interesting.
Which means that this world has always been near a black hole.
Or recently, which is why they don't know much about it.
It could be that in the last week or so they're like there's just a black hole has situated itself right outside of Earth.
And now everyone refers to it as the black hole.
That's what we would do if a black hole showed up.
Yeah, I'd be like, have you heard about the black hole?
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
I love the idea of that she asks the internet, does the black hole have any planets?
And just on the screen, it just says no.
It sounds like the internet doth protest too much.
Oh, yeah.
What do you have to hide, internet?
Exactly.
I think that the message of this story is trust, but verify.
Mm-hmm.
Um, then can we also talk about how she became a princess?
What do you think that means?
Is that Allison presuming to be a princess, or did they officially make her a princess?
No, she joined the family.
Huh.
Yeah, they're like you're a special visitor from uh, from elsewhere in the universe, and you have high enough status here that, if you're gonna stay, you can be a princess in our family.
And all she said is, do you want to stay?
Um...
Yes, I want to stay, said Princess.
Just accepting it turned her into a princess.
Yeah, it was implied.
Tessa, amazing story.
So creative.
Thank you so much for sending it in to us.
All right, Peter, would you read us the next one?
This next story comes to us from a 14-year-old from Florida named Yehuda, and their story is called The Flooby Store.
Excellent title.
And can I just say off the bat, this story is the first that I have ever received in Story Pirates that was written on a typewriter.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Wow.
It is.
All right, here it is.
Wow.
The Floobie store.
Greg's morning mood plays, then gets abruptly cut off by tires screeching and a cat hissing.
Jack, I'm up.
I'm, hey, wait.
Why is there a giant bunny holding an envelope in its mouth?
That doesn't matter.
Mail for me is awesome.
What does the letter say?
Jack, reading out loud.
You have been invited to the grand opening of the Floobie store, the only store that you can buy anything including Floobies.
That's pretty awesome, isn't it?
Jack, wow, that's so cool.
I wonder what a Floobie is.
Ah, it doesn't matter.
I'm going to go tell mom.
Hey, mom, come here.
Jack's mom.
Coming, honey.
Jack's mom comes into the room.
Oh my goodness.
Did you get an invitation to the Floobie store?
Jack.
Uh, yes.
That's amazing.
We're going right now.
Uh, I have school today, mom.
And how are we even going to get there?
There's no address on the card.
I know the way.
Let's go.
They jump in the car and drive to a store with clown music playing in the background.
Jack wow, it's the fluby store.
They go in the store.
Store salesman welcome to the fluby store.
What would you like to buy?
Well, i'd like to know what a fluby is, so i'll take one, please.
Okay, that'll be three trillion and two dollars non-refundable, already charged to your card.
Jack, what?
Never mind, Can I have my fluby now?
Okay, here's your fluby.
It's a cat with a chocolate-covered smartwatch strapped to its back and a penny as a third eye.
Why did this cost $3.2 trillion?
Well, it plays the story pirates, so there's that.
Okay, that makes sense.
The end!
And then you're right.
At the bottom it says Story by Yehuda, typed on my vintage typewriter incredible, so cool.
This story is amazing, so funny.
I really love that.
The mom is like let's skip school and just go straight to the fluby store.
I know where it is.
Everyone, every cool mom, knows where the fluby store is.
That's right.
And the clown music that plays in the store, instantly menacing yeah, you know something is off.
We love it and you know we don't.
Often, you know, as a rule, as story buyers, we don't do fan fiction.
However, at the very end, when they say well, play the Story Pirates podcast.
So there's that.
Like, sold.
Sold.
For $3 trillion and $2.
You know, Story Pirates, we really like to do sort of a fast-talking snake oil salesman.
Yes, yes.
But this was a new level where he goes.
That'll be 32 trillion non-refundable already charged to your card.
The already charged to your card is a level even I didn't see coming.
Right, well, obviously, this establishment is engaged in some kind of identity theft.
100%.
Yeah, that's like the existence of it, you know, presumes that.
A cat with chocolate-covered smartwatch strapped to its back and a penny as a third eye.
So good.
It's a perfect level of...
It sort of seems fancy but is obviously like a scam.
I don't think I've ever heard smartwatch or third eye in a story.
Not together.
Certainly not together.
Yehuda, so fantastic.
Thank you for sending this and thank you for taking the time to type it on your vintage typewriter.
I'm super impressed.
Very exciting.
Alright, we got one more story here, Peter.
Um...
Get ready.
All right.
From a seven-year-old in China named Helena, here is Opposite World.
McShaggybutt says, I wear a mixer and I cook with a dress.
Ow, the mixer mixed me.
Ow, the dress burned me.
I'm so angry at my mixer that I planted it on the ground.
And now I'm going to water it so much it doesn't grow.
I'm going to bed and I'm sleeping in a dehumidifier.
Shh.
And the bed is getting all the water out of the air for me.
I waked up.
I'm going out for my morning walk.
Oh, no.
A giant mixer grew.
Well, I guess I'll just wear it.
Okay.
Here I go to wear the giant mixer.
Oh, no.
I turned giant.
The end.
What?
Peter.
What?
Explain this story to me.
Okay.
So there's a lot of clear opposites, which is... Are there?
Are there?
Well, you're right.
If I wear a mixer... Well, if you wear a mixer and cook with a dress, you swap them.
Okay, so that's a clear opposite.
Oh, yeah.
And then if you're wearing a mixer, it's going to mix you.
Yeah.
And the dress...
Is it going to burn you?
I guess because maybe the dress caught on fire when you tried to cook it.
Exactly.
That's what I was thinking.
It's showing the... I did opposites, but they don't work.
We're showing them why it's a bad idea.
And then you're angry at the mixer that you tried to wear, and so then you plant it in the ground...
Yeah, you planted in the ground.
I'm not sure.
I think that was just frustration on this character's part.
Are you sure, though?
Because I think they're saying that planting in the ground is the opposite of throwing away.
Because you're trying to bring new life to it rather than extinguish the life of the object.
Well, I'll tell you the opposite that was the most distressing to me.
I mean, trying to wear a mixer and getting mixed by a mixer is very unpleasant.
Like, that can be dangerous.
Don't play with that at home.
Don't lick the beaters on that one.
No, no.
It's sleeping in a dehumidifier, fine.
But your bed being a dehumidifier, having a wet mattress is so uncomfortable.
Yeah.
I've been in that situation.
And it's getting wetter as it goes because it's pulling the moisture out of the air.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'd rather sleep in a dehumidifier.
Nobody wants a wet bed.
No.
Helena, thank you so much for sending this in.
Thank you to all of today's authors.
Keep sending us stories.
And to read all of today's Story Love stories, just head to storypirates.com.
And guess what, grown-ups?
You can find an even longer version of today's Story Love on YouTube.
And grownups, Story Love isn't just the name of a segment on our show.
It's also the name of our incredible corporate volunteer program.
To find out more about Story Love, our digital creative writing program, Story Quest or our nonprofit arm Story Pirates Changemakers.
Check the show notes for links.
That's it for today's episode.
Thanks to today's authors, Olani, Olaya, Shalva, Adiv, and Elena.
And guess what?
It's not too late to send us your story.
Grownups can submit stories at storypirates.com.
That link is also in the show notes for today's episode.
We'll be back next week with another brand new episode.
Until then, stay creative and stay kind.
The Story Pirates Podcast is a production of Story Pirates Studios.
Executive produced by Lee Overtree and Benjamin Salka.
This episode was produced by Sam Baer, Peter McNerney, Andrew Miller, and Lee Overtree.
Recording, sound design, and mixing by Sam Baer at the Relic Room in New York City.
Additional production by Brett Toobin.
Theme song by Bobby Lord.
Musical scoring by Eric Erson and Jack Mitchell.
Our head writer is Peter McNerney.
Staff writers are Megan O'Neill and Alexis Simpson.
Contributing writers are Lee Overtree and Michael Siloff.
Episode artwork by Camilla Franklin.
This episode features performances by Matt Cox, Christina Grosbeach, Gabby Hornig, Quinton Johnson, Rachel Jorofsky, Peter McNerney, Lee Overtree, Joshua Nasser, Samantha Turrett and Rachel Winitsky.
Woo!
That was a doozy of an episode.
Finally, time to relax in my new chair.
Okay, I think I just press this button here.
Okay.
Sit.
Relaxing.
Okay, time to get up and work on next week's episode.
So I just press this button here.
That is really unnerving.
