Lemonada.
Hey grown-ups, Lee here.
Welcome back to Season 8 and another brand new episode.
Before we start, I'd like to take just a minute here to ask for your help with finishing our season.
We want to be honest with our listeners that it is a really challenging time right now for educational media providers, including kids and family podcasts like Story Pirates.
Unless we're able to raise more funds this season could unfortunately be a short one.
We've already received so many responses from all of you about this.
So thank you so much to everybody that has already donated and reached out.
It means so much.
We'll see you next time.
You can choose a video from me or Peter or Megan or Nimany or Eric or even Rolo.
This is the only time we've ever offered this and we're not going to be offering it again anytime soon.
So this is your chance.
Get the video for that special, imaginative kid in your life and help the Story Pirates finish our season.
And if you're hearing all of this and you have more significant resources to spare, we'd love to talk to you and have a conversation about becoming an accredited producer on the show.
If that sounds like you, drop us a line.
And of course, all donations, like I said, are completely tax deductible.
Get your personalized video or get in touch about a larger contribution at storypiratescom slash support.
That link is also in the show notes for today's episode.
All right.
Thanks for listening to all of that.
And thanks for all of your support.
On to the show after a few more words for the grownups.
Thank you.
Time to wake up and start my morning routine.
First, I dunk my head into this giant bucket of ice water.
That's good.
Next, I put on my emergency referee jersey that I secretly wear under my clothes at all times.
Then I check my calendar.
It's National Referee Day?
Already?
If I forgot, I suppose it's too much to expect that the rest of the story pirates remembered.
Eh, maybe it's for the best.
It's hard for them to understand that a curmudgeonly old introvert like me only wants a very certain kind and amount of attention.
It's okay they forgot.
Smitty, don't you dare think that we forgot that today is National Referee Day.
Story pirates?
Get ready for the most smittiest referee day ever devised.
Oh, I don't know.
I'm not sure.
We get you.
Think again, smit word, Jay Smittinson.
That is not my name.
Each of us has devised a different style of competition, and only the highest caliber referee, one who's not afraid to dish out harsh but fair judgments, is suited for the job.
What do you say, Smitty?
Rachel, why are you getting down on one knee?
What's in the little box?
A diamond whistle?
Smitty, will you be our referee?
Let me get this straight.
You want me to come out of my room, spend the whole day judging you and your ridiculous games, just to come back here and be alone again.
Smitty, that's exactly what we're saying.
This is the most thoughtful present I've ever received.
Yeah!
That's a two-minute penalty for excess celebration.
Oh, he's good.
It just filled me up with joy.
My mom loves the jokes.
Oh, how about like the wheels on the bus song, but like a different way.
And then he started with improv.
I definitely think I can be more creative now.
I'm the champion.
The Story Pirates.
All right, everybody.
Welcome back to the Story Pirates podcast, where we take stories written by kids and turn them into sketch comedy.
And songs.
Eric, that's a two-minute penalty for interrupting the ref.
But... That's another two for delay of game.
Okay, but can I just... Two more for arguing with the ref.
Arguing?
And sportsmanlike conduct.
But... I can do this all day, Eric.
Is that what you want?
Ugh, no.
Now into the box, and we'll see you in eight minutes.
Fine.
Wow, he is harsh but fair.
While we wait for Eric, why don't we listen to a story?
Yeah!
What was that a penalty for?
Nothing.
I just really like this whistle.
And here to introduce this story is the author.
Hi, I'm Haley, and I'm 7 years old.
And I'm Kian, and I'm 9 years old.
We're from California.
This is our story.
The Horrible Pizza.
Order up.
Here's your pizza fresh out of the oven.
It smells delicious.
Oh, well, this is the best pizza I've ever had.
Ah, grazie, grazie.
I'm sure people have always told you how great your food is.
Well... And your restaurant's always been super popular.
Well... And I bet you've never served a horrible pizza.
You're wrong!
Excuse me.
The truth is, I did serve horrible pizza all those many years ago.
Is this a flashback?
Yes.
And what can I get you two siblings here at my Italian restaurant in the past?
Well, I know what my brother Keon here wants.
And I know what my sister Haley wants.
And what is that?
One large pizza.
Pizza?
Are you okay?
You look like we just asked you for something you can't deliver.
No, it's fine.
I definitely have pizza and it's great.
You wait right here and I'll be back with a very good pizza.
Coming right up.
And here you go.
One large pizza.
If you need anything, just call my name, the manager.
That's your name?
Si.
Buon appetito.
Hey, Keon, who's going to dig into that large pizza first?
Same time.
One, two, three, jump!
Manager!
Whoa!
Why are you getting on the table?
Is this about the pizza?
Yes!
Why is it so bad?
Oh, I knew it would be bad.
Yeah, who made this?
My two worthless chefs.
If they're worthless, why did you hire them?
Well, it all happened even further in the past.
Is this a double flashback?
Yes, here i am, the manager outside my brand new restaurant.
Even further in the past i feel so young anyway, before i could open i need a couple of chefs, but where am i gonna find them?
And then i said if i was any more tired i'd be a semi-drunk.
Oh man, i'm telling you, you gotta try stand-up yo to random people Us.
You're perfect for the job.
Report to my kitchen to be chefs in five seconds.
See you inside.
When do you think this guy will realize we're not actually chefs?
Probably at some point in the future.
Wow, are we flashing forward?
Yes.
Whoa.
So manager, you're telling us that in the past, you just hired two random people off the street to be your chefs.
That is what I'm telling you.
And those are the chefs that made this horrible pizza?
Yes.
Did they even go to culinary school?
Hmm, I'm not actually sure.
Hey chefs, get out here!
Here we are, boss.
What's up, manager?
Did you two go to culinary school?
We did not.
I am actually a financial advisor.
And I dabble in tile mosaics.
But why did you stay at my restaurant so long?
I am a people pleaser.
You are for dental and vision, you know?
You two are fired.
No scram.
Thanks for the opportunity.
Frankly, this is a relief.
Have a good life.
Bye.
Problem solved.
But now you have no chef.
Oh, mamma mia.
Now I must hire a better chef?
Did someone say a better chef?
Huh?
A mysterious man standing in my doorway?
Hello, my guy.
I'm Bob, a chef.
Other people, they give me great ratings.
But other people can't afford me.
Can you make a good pizza?
A good pizza, huh?
Give me a two and a half minute montage and I'll show you the perfect pizza.
So perfect, they'll talk about it in the future.
Whoa, are we flashing forward?
Shh, yes.
So that's how you ended up with such good pizza?
You hired Bob and it was all smooth sailing after that?
Not quite.
You interrupted the flashback before it was finished.
Oh, sorry.
Back to the flashback.
All right, Bob.
Now, when you say montage, what do you mean?
It's more of a mnemonic device we're taught in the most prestigious of culinary institutions.
See, it's passed down from chef to chef.
This tune, it echoes in the hallowed halls of haute cuisine.
Les woos sur la bus.
I'm not following.
En anglais, the wheels on the bus.
You put the dough on the baking sheet, baking sheet, baking sheet.
You put the dough on the baking sheet to make your pizza right.
Now, under verse 2 of 30.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
The wheels on the bus?
Was Bob for real?
I was worried I picked the wrong chef again.
But then I saw a master at work crafting the most perfect pizza to that ponderous song.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
And that's how you make a pizza.
Oh, verse 30 concluded.
Oh, bravo.
I mean, wow.
Did you choreograph that yourself?
Nope.
Improvised.
All of it.
You're hired for sure.
But do you like the pizza?
Between you and me, I can't tell a good pizza from a hole in the ground.
But I have a feeling people in the future will say this was a good change.
That was a good change.
I know.
And does Bob still work here today?
I made the pizza you're eating, my guy!
Bob!
And did Keon and Hailey ever come back to your restaurant after the horrible pizza?
We did!
We're regulars now!
Thanks, Bob!
No problem!
Wow, my dream has really come true.
And I hope we'll be here for at least a few hundred more years!
Whoa, are we flashing forward a few hundred years?
Yes!
Hello?
Oh, Bob, are you there?
It's so rusty and dirty in this empty restaurant a few hundred years in the future.
I'm here, old manager.
Don't trip on my very, very long white beard.
Don't trip on my very, very long white beard.
You know what?
What?
We were very good at our jobs.
And now look at us.
Where did it all go wrong?
You don't remember.
It all happened on that one day, somewhere between the past and the future please no, i'm too old for more flashbacks, too late it's happening.
That was a weird flash forward.
It was sorry about all the flashbacks.
I never asked your name, my name, it's um pizza critic And I do declare that this is the best pizza I ever.
Is something wrong?
There seems to be something in this bite of pizza.
What is this?
An incredibly long beard hair?
Bob, did you bring that beard hair back with you from the flash forward?
Whoops.
Sorry, my guy.
This restaurant is shut down.
No!
The end!
And now, Leigh speaks with the author.
Hi.
Hi.
Oh my gosh, this is the Leigh Overtree.
I'm like, oh my gosh.
How are you guys doing?
Good.
Which one of you is Kian?
Me.
And I'm Haley.
So you two wrote the horrible pizza.
Yeah.
Can you tell me how you came up with the idea for that?
We went to New York and we had the best pizza.
And we wondered how we got it.
So we made this like Funny version of the opposite.
Wait, I have to ask, where was the place in New York that you got such good pizza?
So it was, like, right when we got to New York, it was, like, 1 o'clock in the morning.
I was, like, so tired.
So we had to get somewhere open, and like no places were open except this place called Little Italy Pizza.
So we decided to order from there.
Amazing.
Yeah, it was really close to our hotel.
And actually, it was very good.
And our mom said, oh, there's going to be way better pizza on this trip.
Don't get so like onto it.
But that was actually the best pizza of the trip.
That's amazing.
The best pizza you had in New York was at 1 a.m. from just like a random place.
Yeah.
The thing I just love about your story is that you have all of these different narrative devices.
You have a flashback in the story.
You have a montage in the story.
And you even have a flash forward in the story.
Can you talk about why you included all of those techniques in your story?
Well, I thought, like why we added that?
Like maybe, like there's more interesting parts at the end of that, like flash forward or flash back, like that the reader needs to know Before.
Like oh, like what's happening.
What is happening right now?
Like, how did this come to be?
I think I know what you mean.
Like you, need to learn more about what happened in the past in order to appreciate what's going on in the present.
And, at the same time, if you don't know how the story ends, maybe even hundreds of years from now, like then, it's not as meaningful either.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
I have to ask, in your story, the pizza making montage is to the tune of the wheels on the bus.
Yeah.
Is that something when you were writing the story, did you sing that out loud to each other?
Yeah.
Like when we got back, I was like, oh, how about we send this in and then...
And then I was like oh, should we sing like a, like a.
Oh, how about like the wheels on the bus song, but like a different way?
And then he started singing improv.
Could you sing some of it for me right now, just so I can get a flavor for it?
Okay.
So, um, this is how you make it taste delicious.
Yes.
Delicious, delicious, this is how you make a pizza that's delicious to make it nice and right.
Spread dough on the pizza plate, pizza plate, pizza plate.
Spread dough on the pizza plate to make it nice and right.
Now put your toppings on your pizza, pizza, pizza.
Now put your toppings on the pizza, only if your customer asks.
Now put it in the oven, oven, oven.
Now put it in the oven to make it nice and nice.
That was incredible.
Wow.
That was amazing.
And you know, I'm sure the rest of your family really appreciates it when you sing that over and over and, over and over.
Yeah.
They think it's irritating.
Oh, really?
I wouldn't have guessed.
All right.
Thanks, Haley.
Thanks, Kian.
Thank you.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
See, see, see, while we all agreed that the story was indeed great, story time is over.
It's game time.
To tell us about the first competition, Here is Lee.
Thank you, Smitty.
Rachel and I have created a game called Kiefer Hold Up.
The rules are simple.
Pick up and hold as many bottles of kefir as you possibly can without dropping any, while the other person tries to distract you.
And we're not allowed to smile because we know how you feel about funny business, Smitty.
Very good.
I see you each have a giant pallet of kefir bottles standing by.
Yes, they each have 144 bottles on them.
That's a gross of kefir.
Gross.
Of kefir, yes.
All right, Lee, you're up first.
Ready, set, lift!
Hey, Lee!
Nice try, Rachel, but there's nothing you can do to distract me.
Kefir's bad.
What?!
!
And Lee has smashed every single one of his kefir bottles.
My kefir.
My sweet kefir.
Rachel, it's your turn.
Let's do this.
Ready, set, lift.
Ha, Rachel, there's no way that...
What?
She just lifted the entire pallet over her head with one hand.
Rachel wins.
How?
Oh, did I not mention that I competed for the U.S.
Olympic weightlifting team in 2001?
No.
Weren't those Olympics in 2000?
That was a major factor in why I didn't medal.
On to contest numero dos.
Niminy?
Smitty, Peter, and I have agreed to do a game called Food Maths.
Food math?
Peter, you agree to a math competition against Nemany?
I stopped listening after I heard the word food.
What are we doing?
Smitty will challenge us to a super complicated math problem based on all the food in the pantry.
Whoever buzzes in the correct answer first wins.
Ah, again, all I heard was food.
Okay, I'll open the pantry here.
Let me see.
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Got it.
Here's the question.
We have 64 limes and 80 eggs.
If you made as many 9-inch diameter key lime pies as possible, each with 5 eggs and 4 limes, what would the cumulative circumferences divided by the total diameter be?
Oh, that's easy.
First I'll calculate the... Peter!
Oh, he's eating all of the rye ingredients.
This isn't an eating competition.
It's a math competition.
Peter, you buzzed in first.
What is the answer?
Oh, pi.
No, Peter, the question was... That is correct.
What?
Circumference divided by diameter does equal the number pi.
I... Oh, wow.
Peter, how did you know that?
I know everything about pi, Nimminy.
Everything.
Sorry.
Did the competition start?
I don't know what's happening.
All right.
Next competition.
That's halftime.
But can't we just do one more before... That's two minutes for delay of game.
Well, I can't say I wasn't warned.
How fun.
We'll be right back after a few words for the grown-ups.
Hey, grown-ups, Lee here.
You can now experience the beloved Harry Potter stories like you've never heard them before on Audible with Harry Potter the full cast audio editions.
Now, you know that I love audio-only storytelling.
I think it's one of the best things you can expose your kids to because there's no screen.
Audio storytelling has this special way of activating kids' imaginations, which I think is super powerful.
And the Harry Potter full cast audio editions have the highest possible quality you can ask for.
Hundreds of unique voices and immersive sound design that brings the wizarding world vividly to life in Dolby Atmos, as well as an electrifying new musical score.
The adventure surrounds you.
You'll hear footsteps echoing off the walls of Hogwarts and the whoosh of a golden snitch as it darts past your ear.
And I love the casting.
I just noticed that Matthew McFadden is playing Voldemort.
Sorry, I said his name.
I know.
But Matthew is one of my favorite actors.
He's just incredible in everything he does.
I just watched this amazing show with him.
He's fantastic.
And there's so many other actors that I just personally love doing this.
These full cast audio editions are a spellbinding experience for longtime Harry Potter fans and a delightful new way to introduce the stories to a new generation.
The first story in the series is available now, with new audiobooks in the series releasing every month.
It's Harry Potter like you've never heard it before.
Go to audible.com slash hp1 and start listening today.
Welcome back.
Here is the final competition of the day.
Megan versus Eric.
Megan?
Thank you, Smitward.
Again, that is not my name.
Now that Eric and I are both out of that penalty box.
Which was way too small, by the way, Smitty.
Careful, Eric.
I won't hesitate to send you right back.
Fine.
We are ready to compete.
Our game is called Dramatic Reading.
The rules are as follows.
We will each provide the other with a text to perform.
Whoever performs their text more dramatically wins.
Eric, you think you can be more dramatic than Megan?
Oh, Rachel, I've explored depths far deeper than the ocean.
Well, I just got chills.
That's what Orson Welles said to me on the set of Touch of Evil when I accidentally locked us in his walk-in freezer.
Enough of that.
All right, present your texts.
Here you are, Megan.
Your text is Hamlet by William Shakespeare.
You think performing one of the greatest dramatic works in history will be difficult for me, a classically trained actress.
Only if you overact it.
Overact?
Who, me?
Megan, here is the script.
I need it not, Smitty, for I hold the bard's every word right here in my heart.
Okay, then.
Ready, set, recite!
I'll tell you what I want.
What I really, really want.
So, tell me what you want.
What you really, really want.
I'll tell you what I want.
What I really, really want.
I wanna, I wanna...
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really, really, really wanna sick-a-sick.
And scene.
That was Hamlet?
Act three, scene one.
Okay, now it's Eric's turn.
Here is your text, Eric.
What is this?
It's my personal to-do list.
Good luck.
All right.
Eric, ready, set, recite.
Ahem.
Megan's Diary, November 20th, 2019.
2019?
You know what?
My mistake.
I gave you the wrong page.
I'm sorry, Megan, but the clock has already begun.
Oh, boy.
Day 1462 and still no progress on project.
Get this wig off my head that I accidentally glued on with an industrial strength adhesive.
Oh, that's quite enough, I think.
Megan, step back.
I'm warning you.
Ref, she's infringing on my time.
I'm taking care of it.
Doesn't seem like you are.
Are you telling me how to officiate this game?
Maybe I am.
Maybe you don't know what you're doing.
That's it.
You're out of here.
What kind of call was that?
Get your head in the game ref.
Oh, now you're telling me what to do.
I'm yelling at you too, smitty.
I'm yelling too.
You're out of here, and you're out of here, and you and you and you.
You're all out of here.
Fine, we're leaving.
And we're outraged.
You are harsh, Smitty, but doggone it if you ain't fair.
We might not like it, but we respect it.
We're all leaving now because you've ejected us and we follow the rules.
So goodbye, Smitty, and don't expect to see us for the rest of the day.
And I'm leaving this colorful box right here.
Go on, get out of here.
I said get out of here.
Bunch of animals.
Hey, you forgot your colorful box.
It's... Hey, wait.
A cake?
And it says, Happy Referee Day to Smitty.
Enjoy your alone time cake.
Winky face.
Story pirates!
I guess you do get me after all.
Mmm, pistachio.
Only one thing left to do.
Sit back, relax, and enjoy one more story from a kid.
Here's the author to introduce it.
Hi, my name's Ira.
I'm eight years old and I live in Missouri.
This is my story, Demons.
Mom, where's my suitcase?
In the hall closet, Lilith.
Mom, where's my tablet charger?
In the den, Beezy.
Hon, have you seen my vacation chapstick?
In the left pocket of your windbreaker in the hall closet.
There it is.
Amy, you're the only one who hasn't asked me for anything yet.
I don't know what I'm missing since I've never been on vacation before.
That's not true.
We went to the beach last year.
I was at chemistry camp.
In the mountains the year before that?
I was sick, and I had to stay with Grandma.
But surely you were with us on the river the year before that.
Physics camp.
But I think I have everything I need for our trip to the Grand Canyon.
I checked off everything on the list Mom made.
But why do I need eight pairs of underwear if we're only going to be gone for three days?
That's vacation math, honey.
Just so you know, everyone in this family acts a little different on vacation.
What do you mean?
Oh, you'll see.
What?
Lilith, stop.
You're scaring your little sister.
I'm not scared.
Okay everybody, let's get to bed so we can wake up bright and early and hit the road for the Grand Canyon.
Good night.
Better get some rest while you can.
Mom, how many pairs of socks do I need to bring for this three-day trip?
Eleven.
We've been in the car forever.
I know I'm never this guy, but... Are we there yet?
No.
BZ, why don't you entertain yourself like your sisters are doing?
My tablet battery died.
See if Lilith will share one of her headphones so you can sing along to insufferable emotional teen music with her.
Bloop.
Rabbit Lodge, I'm gonna leap for hours at the... Hard Pass.
Are we there yet?
No!
Why don't you do chemistry flashcards with Amy?
I'm pulling elements at random and writing them down in my potion notebook so I can try them out in the lab back at school.
Well, potion is kind of a joke.
They're actually compounds.
Not interested.
Are we there yet?
No!
We're not there yet!
And you asking me that is not going to get us there any faster!
Rawr!
Okay, fine, whatever.
Lilith, what just happened to Dad?
He was driving and then all of a sudden he got really scary sounding and he got bigger and he grew fangs and flames shot out of his ears.
Look at him.
It's like... He turned into a demon?
That's what I was trying to tell you earlier.
On vacation, everyone in the family kind of turns into a demon.
What?
Why?
I never really thought about it.
Maybe because of the stress or something?
Will it happen to me?
I don't know.
But if I can give you one piece of advice, it would be... Oh, horses!
Look at the horses!
Lilith, focus!
Sorry.
Seeing horses is like the best part of any road trip.
Who knows why?
Okay, my advice is just roll with it.
It usually only lasts for a few days.
Okay, wow.
Now there's cows!
Dad, stop distracting your father.
Wait, is everything okay back there.
Amy, you look like you've seen a ghost not a ghost, a demon.
And i'm gonna figure out how to fix it with chemistry.
Take one down, pass it around 22 bottles, curse you all in this irritating song.
Adding an alkaline to the compound might have the intended effect.
Here we are.
The Grand Canyon.
Ooh, I want to take a picture.
Let's go.
All right, everyone, this needs to turn out well so I can use it for our holiday cards.
Okay, everyone say cheese.
Cheese.
Hmm.
Okay, BZ, your eyes are closed.
Let's take it again.
Cheese.
Ugh, that one was blurry.
Let's do a silly one.
No!
You don't do a silly one until you get the nice one.
That's the rule.
Everybody knows that.
Mom's a demon now, too?
More like de-mom.
Am I right?
Now everybody look like you love each other and say cheese.
Cheese!
Got it!
Finally!
I asked you all to do one nice thing for me and it's like pulling teeth!
Stay here.
Your mother and I are going to get the parking passes.
I should've bought a hybrid.
Uh, Beezy?
Aren't family vacations supposed to be about fun and togetherness and making memories and Sometimes turning into an evil tormentor because you're not sleeping in your own bed?
You're walking like ten miles a day and hotels smell weird.
We got the parking passes!
Let's go to the first overlook!
PZ, did you go potty?
I'm good, Mom.
Are you sure?
I'm not a toddler.
I don't want to have to double back because you didn't go potty.
You don't have to keep saying potty.
I don't have to go potty, okay?
Just leave me alone.
Dad, is this the only sunscreen you brought?
Yeah, why?
It's not reef safe.
And I took a pledge in after school environmental club that I'd only use reef safe sunscreen.
BZ, Lilith, you both turned into demons?
Happens every vacation.
Just like I said it would.
Sorry, Amy.
Maybe we should have warned you.
We didn't want to scare you before your first vacation.
Why does this happen to our family?
To be fair, it's not just our family.
Look at those guys over there.
No!
I said no texting at the Grand Canyon!
It happens to a lot of families on vacation.
But you're looking and acting like horrible, scary demons.
Don't you think you're being a tad bit dramatic?
Uh, could you move?
You're in the way of my livestream.
I curse you!
Get out of the way!
Get out of the way!
See?
Maybe it's worse than we realized.
I've been working on this potion in the car and, if my calculations are correct, it could turn you back into humans.
Who wants to try it?
I would love to be the one.
You can't all take it.
Why can't we all just each try a little?
I mean, we're a family, and vacation is about doing things together.
Yeah, we believe in you and your potion, Amy.
Wow, I've never been more proud to be part of this family.
Here goes nothing.
How do you feel?
Fine.
I mean, I don't feel less like a demon.
Dad, you shrink back to regular size.
Mom's boils are gone, BZ's hooves are feet again, and Lilith's hair is no longer flames.
I think my potion worked.
Yay, sort of busy.
You still have a tail?
Oh snap, i do.
We just need more potion.
But i used all the compounds in my chemistry kit.
It's a good thing.
I used mom's vacation math and brought three more kits.
I'll make some more.
Okay, it's ready.
Here you go.
How do you feel?
I'm sorry, Amy, but I don't think it's working.
Wait!
It's working!
We're not demons anymore!
Yay!
And just in time.
We have to hurry if we're going to make that geological talk Mom promised me she'd sign us up for.
Oh, Amy, yeah, about that.
Nobody else was really into that idea, so we're going to go on a helicopter tour instead.
Hmm.
No!
You promised I could learn more about the intermittent sediments from the Grand Canyon Supergroups!
Rawr!
Oh, dear.
I think we're going to need more potion.
The End And when we come back, it's time for Story Love, where Peter and I read even more stories written by kids.
We'll be right back after a few words for the grown-ups.
Welcome back to Story Love, where we read stories written by kids that are sent in to the Story Pirates and we talk about them and we love them.
True.
And we're inspired by them and we ask questions, if we have any, and sometimes we segue into completely unrelated conversations.
Lee, everything you just said is true.
Okay, let's read our first story from Sophie, a 10-year-old in Massachusetts.
Here is I Want to Marry a Dog.
And there is a quick note before the story starts that says while I don't truly want to marry a dog, the poem is inspired by my deep affection for my dog Jasmine, a 16-month-old Pomeranian who is nothing short of a cuddle.
I'm going to marry a dog.
I'm going to marry a dog.
If she's pink or blue or yellow, I'm going to marry her.
I'll fly her up to France and climb the Eiffel Tower and eat a bunch of cheesecake.
I'm going to marry a dog.
But wait, there's a problem.
But wait, there's a problem.
But wait, there's a problem.
Aliens are attacking the Earth.
How will I marry a dog?
I can shoot lasers at them, but the aliens have shields.
What will I do?
How will I marry a dog?
I can ask them to stop.
I can tell them to invade Mars instead.
Bye-bye, humans.
We are going to invade Mars, said the aliens.
I'm going to marry a dog.
The end.
This is so good.
Lee, I love...
In this story, it starts clearly, it's set up as an ode to a dog.
Yes, yes.
A love letter, roses are red, violets are blue.
Yes.
Which you don't expect action to happen in a poem like that.
Yeah, we always talk about in-story pirates when we're helping kids with their creative writing.
We talk about creating obstacles to your goal because you don't want to just be able to marry a dog right away.
That makes the story less interesting.
But if there is a huge obstacle in the way of you marrying the dog, then now we're talking to a story here.
Yeah, this is a story.
It sort of tricks me.
If you hear a Shakespearean sonnet, Shakespeare will be like, let me compare you to a flower.
He's describing a feeling or a person or a thing.
He's not telling a story.
Right.
So, because this is in the form of one of those poems, suddenly aliens being there jars us and we go wait wait, this is happening now.
Right.
Well, I like it as a very high stakes problem because it's like I want these, like simple things in my life that are going to bring me joy.
And and then the world might end.
Right?
Yeah.
So I'm going to commit to the thing that I feel passionately about.
Right.
It's like rain on your wedding day.
It's like a spoon.
It's like a spoon.
It's a lot like a spoon.
Sophie, amazing poem slash story.
I hope one day we get to meet your Pomeranian.
Peter, would you read us the next story?
Yes, Lee.
This story comes to us from a six-year-old from Minnesota named Cedar.
Great name.
This story is called...
The blinker butt horse.
Once upon a time, there was a horse that had blinkers on its butt.
Because he was the only horse around with blinkers on his butt.
He felt a little sad because he was so different.
Aw.
Other horses and animals would ask him, why do you have blinkers on your butt?
But he just didn't know, and he felt a little embarrassed.
One day, he was galloping down the highway, and he noticed someone's car had broken down.
He asked how he could help.
The person said, I don't know, can you fix my car?
The horse did not know how to fix a car and sadly said I'm sorry but I don't know if I can help you.
Just then, he had an idea.
Oh, I cannot fix your car, but I can give you a ride, the person thought for a second.
But wait, can you go on the road?
The horse made a big grin, and he said, Check it out.
I have blinkers on my butt.
They both started laughing, and the person hopped on.
The horse with the blinker butt started galloping down the highway and the man made it to work on time.
From then on, the horse loved his left and his right.
Blinker butt.
The end.
The horse loved his left and his blinker butt.
Maybe his left and right blinkers on his butt?
Honestly, yeah, yeah.
But I also love the left.
The blinker butt, is this just going left and right?
Or is it also brake lights?
I was only thinking left and right.
But yeah.
I think it's got to be brake lights too.
I mean, because sometimes you can have a blinker that also does your brake light, right?
No, because the brake lights are red.
Right.
And blinkers have to be a different color.
They're yellow.
So they're on top of the brake light.
Well, I guess we can just assume it's blinkers though.
Yeah.
I mean, maybe this horse should consider getting some brake lights.
You know what I think this is?
I think Cedar saw there are horses with blinker butts.
Yes.
Like the Amish or the Mennonites.
That's right.
If you want to take it on a larger road, you legally have to have certain things.
Right.
It's just that orange square.
Right.
But maybe Cedar saw this.
They usually have a carriage too, right?
Yes.
Like the blinkers are going on the carriage, but it's horse powered.
But maybe there's when you don't take the carriage and you're just taking the horse on the highway.
You got to throw the blinkers on there.
Yeah, or find a horse with a blinker butt.
Yeah.
Amazing.
It's an incredible concept.
Cedar, we love it.
Great work, my friend.
All right, let's get on to our next story from a five-year-old in Texas named Marina.
Here's Ice Cream Gas.
Woo!
Good morning, Lily.
Good morning, Tom.
It's time to drive our car to the famous show.
I hope we'll be on time for it, and I hope that our car doesn't run out of gas.
Here we go.
Vroom!
It didn't actually go.
It ran out of gas again.
Oh, no.
Mine has ran out of gas, too.
I think we have an idea.
Mine has enough gas to go to the gas station.
Mine too.
Let's go.
Vroom.
We're here at the gas station.
Let's fill up our car.
Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.
Our cars are full of gas.
Let's get back in.
Okay, we turned our car on and our car is ready to go.
Wait, it didn't actually really go after we got a gas refill.
Oh no, our cars are starting to freeze up.
What's happening to our cars?
Let's check the gas.
I guess this door didn't freeze.
I know, because it's the hottest door in the car.
Me too.
This one is too.
We got out of the car.
Let's check our gas.
Let's see.
Oh no, what happened to this gas?
It has turned...
To ice cream.
That's why our cars were frozen.
Our cars were full of ice cream because the gas was ice cream.
Nah.
Oh, I noticed that the sign on all the gas stations said ice cream gas.
No hoof, i guess we have to go to southvania to get the gas refill.
Okay, here we go on an airplane, let's go.
Whoosh, we're here at southvania.
Oh no, look at this gas station sign.
It says hot dog gas.
No, i guess It's the end of the story.
Okay.
The end.
So many great details in here.
What is this world?
What's happening in this world?
I love that, you know, they're going to get gas and it's... Oh, no, it's ice cream gas.
Well, we need to go to the only other place we can think of that has gas, which is presumably a different country.
Well, sure.
You got to get on a plane.
Sure.
Can you travel with...
Chubs of gasoline?
I don't know, but it makes sense.
Okay, can we talk about the one hot door?
Again, I think probably the passenger side door, just from body heat.
Sure.
Well, here's what I think is that?
My interpretation is if you're a kid and you're spending a lot of time in a car on road trips, you know grandma's house, your little sister's dance class, what have you?
You're leaning against like one door all the time.
And in the summer, like...
The sun can make a door really hot.
And so you might assume, like man, if the sun's on this side, I'm the one with the hot door all the time.
While over there, they don't get the hot door because the sun's not.
I've been in cars where this is a fight.
About the air conditioning because someone's on the hot side and the other person's comfortable.
You got to go to Southvania and get new doors for your cars.
Marina, incredible story.
Thank you so, so much for sending it in.
All right, that's it for Story Love.
If you want to read these stories, just head to storypirates.com.
And guess what?
Grownups, you can find an even longer version of today's Story Love on YouTube.
And Grownups, Story Love isn't just the name of a segment on our show.
It's also the name of our incredible corporate volunteer program.
So to find out more about Story Love or our digital creative writing program StoryQuest, or our nonprofit Story Pirates Changemakers, just check out the show notes for links.
That's it for today's episode.
Thank you so much to today's authors, Ira Kian and Haley.
And a huge thanks to all of you for listening.
And guess what?
You can still send us your stories and we respond to every single one we receive.
Grownups, your link to submit stories is in the show notes for today's episode.
We'll be back next week with another brand new one.
Until then, stay creative and stay kind.
Bye!
The Story Pirates Podcast is a production of Story Pirates Studios.
Executive produced by Lee Overtree and Benjamin Salka.
This episode was produced by Sam Baer, Peter McNerney, Andrew Miller, and Lee Overtree.
Recording, sound design, and mixing by Sam Baer at the Relic Room in New York City.
Additional production by Brett Toobin.
Theme song by Bobby Lord.
Musical scoring by Eric Gerson and Jack Mitchell.
Our head writer is Peter McNerney.
Staff writers are Megan O'Neill and Alexis Simpson.
Contributing writers are Lee Overtree and Rachel Robertson.
Episode artwork by Camilla Franklin.
This episode features performances by Greg Barnett, Matt Cox, Christina Grosbeech, Gabby Hornig, Rachel Jarowski, Anna Marr, Peter McNerney, Alexandra Nader, Joshua Nasser, Megan O'Neill, Leah Overtree, Austin Sanders, Samantha Turrett, Matt Zambrano, Rachel Winitsky and Nimity Ware.
First you make the dough for the pizza, For the pizza, for the pizza.
First you make the dough for the pizza, Because that's like bread.
The way you make dough Is you put different things in it.
I'm pretty sure flour is one of the things.
I don't know what else you would put in the dough butter maybe.
So then you squish up the dough and you make it flat, you make it flat, you make it flat.
Then you squish up the dough and you make it flat.
And you know what?
I'm just going to the pizza shop.
