Hey grown-ups, Lee here.
We are so excited to return with Season 8.
But first I'd like to take just a minute here before the episode starts to ask for your help with finishing the season.
First, some good news.
We've joined forces with a new network this season called Lemonada Media, and they're bringing fresh resources and energy to the show.
We're so thrilled for their support.
We're also grateful for all of you listening that are members of Creator Club.
Your support means the world to us, especially right now.
And if you're not a member yet, we're so grateful that you're here listening, welcoming us into your homes today.
Now the not-so-great news.
We want to be honest with our listeners that it is a really challenging time right now for educational media providers, including kids and family podcasts like Story Pirates.
Over the past few years, the podcast industry has turned almost entirely away from kids and family programming, despite the fact that hundreds of thousands of listeners rely on it.
And we know you rely on it because you tell us.
You tell us how Story Pirates helped make driving to school every day more fun, a long road trip more bearable or bedtime more peaceful.
And all of it is screen free.
But unless we're able to raise more funds, this season could unfortunately be a short one.
And right now, we need your help in a new way.
So we're offering, for the first time, personalized videos from us to you.
That's right.
For your donation.
We'll send you your kids whoever in your life that you think will appreciate it probably your kids a personalized video saying hello, happy birthday, happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, whatever.
You can choose a video from me or Peter, or Megan, or Nimany, or Eric, or even Rolo.
This is the only time we've ever offered this and we're not going to be offering it again anytime soon.
So this is your chance.
Get a video for that special, imaginative kid in your life and help the Story Pirates finish our season.
And if you're hearing all of this and you happen to have more significant resources to spare...
We're looking for one or two larger patrons who may want to have a conversation with us about becoming credited producers on the show.
If that sounds like you, drop us a line.
You can do that and get your own personalized video today at storypirates.com slash support.
That link is also in the show notes for today's episode.
Okay.
Thanks for listening and thanks again for all your support.
It really does mean the world to us.
On to the show after a few more words for the grown-ups.
Patrick, let's go!
The clue is floating away in a hot air balloon!
Hey, sorry, this is kind of a bad time.
Claire and I just found a major clue and now it's airborne.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that the parents behind Law & Order have something brand new for families.
Our podcast is...
Patrick Picklebottom Everyday Mysteries.
Patrick, it's headed towards the water tower.
Gotta go.
Listen on Apple or wherever you get your podcasts.
Nemany, I got a triple half-calf macchiato with a side of pinto beans for Nemany.
Right here, Rolo.
Sorry for the wait.
I'm a little swamped today.
Yeah, the bean emporium is hoppin'.
I've never seen it so busy.
Well, you know what they say about sailing on the open ocean and having a strong desire to eat and drink beans.
No.
Me neither.
I was hoping you did.
Anyway, I'm having real staffing issues running a business on a pirate ship.
All of my employees keep not showing up for their shifts.
By all your employees, do you mean us, the rest of the story pirates?
I do.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Hey, Niminy.
Hey, Rolo.
Whoa, Lee.
What's that humongous stack of papers you're carrying?
Oh, this?
It's just our mail.
We get a lot of it.
Going through it all is a big part of my morning routine, which I can't do until I've had my morning coffee.
The usual?
Yes, Rolo.
One large coffee kefir.
Hold the coffee.
All right, let's see.
Bills, bills, bills, bills, bills.
Tens of thousands of incredible stories written by kids.
Bills, bills, bills.
Hey, what's this?
That's a fancy envelope.
Here's your coffee, Lee.
Thank you, Rolo.
Hey Lee, weren't you on schedule to work today at the Bean and Pork?
All of that went directly in my face.
Look!
What is it?
We've been invited to be the keynote speakers at StorytellerCon!
At what?
StorytellerCon!
It's only the most prestigious event for storytellers in the history of stories.
It's where all the biggest moments in storytelling have happened.
Homer first unveiled his alternate ending to the Odyssey.
The Brothers Grimm defeated Hans Christian Andersen in a freestyle rap battle.
And where the Winds of Winter was secretly released four years ago.
Oh, man.
Lee, that sounds great.
Why do you seem so sad about it?
Because I've always wanted to go to Storyteller Con, but of course, we never can.
Why not?
Because Nimminy, while we've explored the ocean, the sky, even space and beyond, this event is in the one place in the entire universe that we can't drive our ship, land.
Gah!
I always thought I had some strong Jack Kerouac energy.
My greatest dream is to tackle the open road, but it's impossible.
What?!
! wheels on the ship all the way back in season two, right?
You did what?
All I have to do is switch the ship to the right mode.
What's the right mode?
It's called Road Trip!
Ha ha!
Yes!
It just filled me up with joy.
My mom loves the jokes.
You'll Yo, my check.
It made me very proud about my writing.
Yeah, we're just getting like really deep into like, I want to say philosophy.
I definitely think I can be more creative now.
I'm the champion.
The Story Pirates.
Welcome back to the Story Pirates podcast everyone, where we take stories written by kids and turn them into sketch comedy and songs.
All right, pirates, listen up.
You all know why I've gathered you here.
I thought this was a Bean Emporium staff meeting.
It was before Lee took it over.
And I thank you for that, sweet Rolo.
Now, as you know, we've been to a lot of places on our journeys.
We've explored the high seas, the skies, outer space, the ocean depths, the Earth's core.
We've even been to New York City.
But we're about to embark on our strangest journey yet.
A road trip.
That sounds like fun.
I like that.
But StorytellerCon is a classy event, and our ship is a mess.
We can't drive up to the convention center looking like this.
So I think a little spring cleaning is in order.
Ah, do we gotta?
Yes, Rachel, we do gotta.
We literally haven't taken the trash out in eight years.
Hmm, fair point.
Let's get to it.
And while that's happening, let's do our first story.
And listeners, I have something very exciting to share about this first story today.
This season.
Some of the stories we are adapting are from our StoryQuest program, which is our brand new completely digital creative writing program for schools.
But here's the cool part.
Our nonprofit arm, Story Pirates Changemakers, helps make StoryQuest affordable to schools anywhere.
And some Title I schools even get the program for free.
And guess what?
Today's first story comes from an incredible author, at one of those schools.
Here they are to introduce their story.
Hi, my name is Bentley.
I'm nine years old and I live in New York.
This is my story, The Bed.
Where's the bed?
A bed for the doctor.
Find a bed.
A bed for the doctor.
Where's the bed?
A bed for the doctor.
The doctor is sleepy.
Dr. Bentley's a pediatrician.
Helping kids feel better is my mission.
At the office clinic or through telehealth.
With patients coming more and more, last week the line went out the door.
The doctor started yawning and said to himself, I'm feeling really beat.
Gotta get off both my feet.
I need to rest my head.
So I said, this doctor needs a bed.
Where's a bed?
A bed for the doctor.
Find a bed?
A bed for the doctor.
Where's a bed?
A bed for the doctor.
The doctor is sleepy.
Hey doctor, try this x-ray machine.
It's cozy and it's very clean.
But doctor, we can see your bones.
That's not a good bed.
Hey doc, here's an MRI machine.
It's quiet here and so serene.
Never mind.
That's not a good bed.
Where's the bed?
A bed for the doctor.
Find a bed.
A bed for the doctor.
Where's the bed?
A bed for the doctor.
The doctor's still sleepy.
The couch that's in the doctor's lounge is way too small.
And wheelchairs roll so that won't work at all.
There's no bed here and so I'll disappear.
I guess I'll just go home.
Ah, home sweet home.
But still no sign of a... Wait a second.
I have a bed here in my room!
A bed that's perfect for a...
Dr. Bentley had a bed, so why'd we all go lose our heads?
We searched the office high and low, but there was one place he could go.
Dr. Bentley Dr.
The doctor was sleeping.
Hey, Lee, I have all my stuff I want to get rid of.
Where should I put it?
Very good, Eric.
Over here on the deck, you'll see that I've made four piles.
Trash, keep, donate, and recycle.
Whoa, what's with all the machinery in the recycle pile?
Oh, Nimany was here earlier.
I think she feels bad that all her inventions keep getting us into trouble, so she decided to clean house.
What?
When have her inventions ever gotten us into trouble?
Well, let's see.
Her anything machine accidentally brought thousands of characters to life last season.
She turned Peter into a goose, although I kind of like that.
The infinity cube almost drowned us all in self-duplicating objects.
The simul room made me think that I was a king.
The simul room?
Season three.
You weren't here yet.
Am I ever not going to be the new guy?
Probably not.
The point is, it's not safe to have all that stuff lying around.
I guess.
Anyways.
Here's what I'm getting rid of.
My second pair of board shorts and my swift and irritated DVD collection.
But those are your favorite movies.
And it isn't easy to let them go.
But I still have them on streaming and Laserdisc and Betamax and the original film reels.
I'm here with my stuff.
Hey, Peter, what do you got?
I have 48,000 empty mini yogurt containers.
Wow.
And a vat of 48,000 fluid ounces of yogurt.
Should I even ask?
Probably not, because I do not remember.
Donate or... Trash.
Got it.
Here's my stuff.
Howdy.
Hello.
Bonjour.
Rachel, where did all these other Rachels come from?
They're all from Planet Rachel.
I forgot I even had them.
Go, Rachels.
Be free.
Sacre bleu.
We're free.
Au revoir.
Where are they going?
We're still on the ocean.
Better not to ask questions.
Okay.
Siegfried.
Siegfried.
I have brought the mighty Tarnhelm a helmet of great power that I won when I slew the dragon Fafnir.
It grants its wearer the power of invisibility.
Why would you get rid of that?
Every time I put it on, I literally can't find myself.
Metaphorically, too.
The existential dread really takes the fun out of it.
Hey, Lee!
Is there a compost pile?
Baby with a mustache, what could you possibly have in your room that's compostable?
I have a few moldy bottles of milk, a tub of expired organic mustache wax, and this.
Five seasons worth of dirty diapers.
Is that why the whole ship smells like... So good.
You're welcome.
I'm here as well.
Oh, Megan, you startled me.
Sorry, I'm not used to you entering a room so, you know...
Subtly?
Yes, because normally I'm a bit much.
I'm here to discard my useless possessions, including this.
A signed headshot of Carrie Coons that I photoshopped myself into.
But Megan, that's your favorite picture.
This playbill from my one-woman show Miss Saigon in 60 Seconds, in which I performed all of Miss Saigon in 60 seconds as Nicolas Cage.
But that was the best thing you've ever done.
And finally, this.
My dramatically large quill that I insist on using to give autographs that no one's asked me for.
Okay, something is definitely not right.
Megan would never part with her quill.
Megan, what is wrong with you?
Nothing.
I'm... I'm... Up here?
Gasp!
It's Megan?
Up in the bucket thingy?
In a Peter Pan costume?
Ah!
Whoa, she just swung down 100 feet from the sails.
Okay, now that is a Megan entrance.
Because I'm the real Megan.
Megan, why were you all dressed up like that?
I've spent every afternoon for the past eight years up there in this costume just waiting for an opportunity to make that very entrance.
Huh, that sort of ruins it.
Funny, that's what Jean Smart said to me.
When you jumped out of her birthday cake.
Say, you're not me, but how do you know so much about me?
Explain yourself.
I'll explain.
It's... It's... Us.
The evil robot story pirates.
Gasp.
We'll be right back after a few words for the grown-ups.
Hey, grown-ups.
Lee here.
If your family loves story pirates, then I'm guessing that you are also interested in the kids in your life loving to read and write.
Well, have I got something for you.
Meet Mrs. Wordsmith, the award-winning creators who make vocabulary learning ridiculously fun.
I am so obsessed with everything that Mrs. Wordsmith makes.
Check it out.
First up, Word Tag, a video game to boost your child's vocabulary and build reading comprehension.
Packed with expertly designed missions and mini-games, players learn up to 1,500 new words a year.
And it even comes with a money-back guarantee.
Are you kidding me?
Next, you can pop a storyteller's word-a-day flip-top book on your kitchen table and flip a new descriptive word every day, complete with synonyms and story starters.
Perfect for chatting vocabulary while breakfast is cookin'.
And if you can, please save me some bacon.
On game night, you can break out vocabularious.
With three hilarious card games in one box, vocab practice becomes a competitive family event.
And I promise to go easy on you if you invite me over to play.
Best of all, budding story pirates will love How to Write a Story, a workbook that gives kids everything they need to craft captivating tales.
It includes easy-to-follow illustrated story graph planners and guidance on structuring plots.
It's the perfect way to help your kids actually write that story that they've been thinking about for a long time.
Whether it's books, card games, or apps, Mrs. Wordsmith turns learning into play.
So set sail for mrswordsmith.com slash storypirates and use code pirate for an exclusive discount.
That's mrswordsmith.com slash storypirates.
Unlock the power of words and watch your child's imagination soar.
And who knows?
It may lead them to becoming the next story pirate.
Hey grown-ups, Lee here.
Guess what?
You can now experience the beloved Harry Potter stories like you've never heard them before on Audible with Harry Potter The Full Cast Audio Editions.
Now, if you know me, you know that I think audio-only storytelling is one of the best things you can expose your kids to minus a screen.
Audio storytelling challenge just has a special way of activating kids' imaginations.
And the Harry Potter Full Cast Audio Editions have the highest possible quality you could ask for.
Hundreds of unique voices, an immersive sound design that brings the wizarding world vividly to life in Dolby Atmos, as well as an electrifying new musical score.
The adventure will surround you.
You'll hear footsteps echoing off the walls of Hogwarts and the whoosh of a golden snitch as it darts past your ear.
And I'm obsessed with the casting.
Riz Ahmed as Severus Snape, Keira Knightley as Professor Umbridge, James McAvoy as Mad-Eye Moody and Kit Harington as Professor Lockhart.
It's like my personal list of actors I love.
These full cast audio editions are a spellbinding experience for longtime Harry Potter fans and a delightful new way to introduce the stories to a new generation.
The first story in the series is available now, with new audiobooks in the series releasing every month.
It's Harry Potter like you've never heard it before.
Go to audible.com slash hp1 and start listening today.
The Evil Robot Story Pirates?
What?
Who?
Why?
How?
When?
We are the new and improved story pirates.
We were created to be better than you, more efficient, logical, and on time.
We will now introduce ourselves as efficiently as possible.
I am evil robot Lee.
I'm just like Lee, but organized.
I'm organized.
Right, Smitty?
Smitty?
Oh, shoot.
I forgot to invite Smitty.
I am Evil Robot Niminy.
I'm like Niminy, but less impulsive.
I'm not impulsive!
Oh, shoot.
I just accidentally invented and built a handheld black hole generator.
Oh, I'll add it to the recycle pile.
I'm Evil Robot Rachel.
I never sit.
But chairs.
The beautiful chairs.
I'm Evil Robot Eric.
I'm exactly like Eric.
Except to be more aerodynamic, I cut off my dreadlocks.
You're nothing like me.
And I'm evil robot Peter.
Huh.
You actually do seem a lot like me.
Except I do not eat.
It's a monster!
I don't understand.
Who would want a more reliable, efficient, on-time version of us?
Do we have an old arch-nemesis that we've forgotten about or something?
Mother Porpoise?
I can't remember if I left things on good terms or not.
Rollo's old parrot, Poochie?
Picasso, Rachel?
Charles Chip Chugly?
Wow, these are some deep cuts.
No, look not to your enemies for the answer, for our creator is amongst you.
You mean one of the story pirates did this?
I don't believe you.
That can't be true.
I'm afraid it is, Rachel.
Rolo?
Yes, it was I who created duplicates of you all.
But why, Rolo?
Why?
Because none of you were showing up to your shifts to work.
I've been running the Bean Emporium alone.
So when Niminy dumped all her gadgets in the recycle pile this morning, I used a random combination of them to create versions of you that actually show up.
Is that so bad?
Come on.
This is going to be fine.
What's the worst that could happen?
In the 20 minutes that we've been alive.
We listened to the entirety of the Story Pirates podcast back catalog and we have notes.
Oh! but we famously don't take notes.
We know.
And we know that you won't listen when we say that your podcast is bogged down by inefficient absurdities.
And unnecessary wackiness.
And jokes that do not further the plot.
Do you guys think a sneeze is just a burp with more to say?
And we know that you will not listen when we tell you the truth about stories that are written by kids.
What truth?
That they are too weird.
Gaz, how dare you?
We know that you cannot change, so we have given ourselves a new directive.
To staff the Bean Emporium?
No, to discredit your brand of storytelling in the one place where we can have the greatest impact.
No, not... StorytellerCon!
Gaz!
Whoa!
What was that?
We've run aground!
We've reached land!
Come, evil robots, let us disembark.
You won't get away with this.
We will see you soon enough, story pirates, at the end of the road at StorytellerCon Jetpacks!
Okay.
Why do I feel like everyone is going to blame me for this?
Because we are, Rolo.
And it is going to take a whole lot for us to stop being mad at you.
How about free coffee for everyone?
Yay!
And also, another story... Deleted!
And here to introduce it is the author.
Hi, I'm Mallory.
I'm nine years old and I live in Virginia.
This is my story, Do Not Disturb.
Finally, the weekend.
I'm home from school and in the one place I can be alone.
My room.
Hey, Mallory.
Dorsey, what if I told you about coming in my room without knocking?
I don't know.
To do it?
To not do it.
Jeez, you are so annoying.
Get out.
Okay.
Is it too much to have a little time to myself?
I don't want to have to do this, but I'm making a sign.
Do not disturb angry face.
Okay, I'll just take this to the door and there.
Now I can finally lay down and relax.
Hey, Mal, have you seen my reading glasses?
Dad, didn't you read my sign?
I can't read anything without my glasses.
Dad, your glasses are where they always are, on top of your head.
Now get out.
Oh, oh, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Oh, Dad.
Oh, thanks, hon.
Okay, now time to read.
Mallory, here's your laundry.
Mom, what is your deal?
The sign literally says do not disturb, so you do not disturb.
Oh, so does that mean that you want to start doing your own laundry?
Of course not.
I just... Yeah, that's what I thought.
Dinner in 20.
Bruh, I am so annoyed.
I'm gonna have to take this up a notch with another sign.
Bodyguards wanted.
If interested, show up at my house tomorrow, August 29th at 6 a.m.
Hmm, but how will they know where I live?
Oh, I got it.
I will be jumping up and down in my blue flower PJs.
Perfect.
Now to put these up all over town.
It's the next day, 6 a.m.
Time to start jumping up and down.
Is this where the interview for being a bodyguard is?
Yes, it is.
Hello, wannabe bodyguards.
Are you ready for the best job you've ever had?
Guarding my room from my family.
Oh, no, that's the kid we're looking to work for.
She's bananas.
I heard that.
And I assure you, I'm very sensible.
Oh, my mistake.
Now line up, and when it's your turn to be interviewed, you can either climb up that ladder to my room or jump in the window via the trampoline.
But why would... See you in a minute.
I made it.
Welcome to my room, bodyguard number one.
Please have a seat in this baby chair.
Okay.
Now tell me, why do you want to be a bodyguard?
Well, frankly, I need to make... Hey, Mallory.
Dorothy, what do you want?
I don't know.
Get out of my room.
Okay.
I am so sorry about that.
You were saying?
I think my passion for bodyguarding began when I was... Hey, Mal.
Have you seen my phone charger?
Dad, it's in your hand.
Huh?
Oh, Dad.
God, you see what I have to deal with?
Okay, you're done.
Uh, did I get the job?
I see you have a lot of experience and you have blue hair, which is cool.
I will get back to you in 30 minutes.
Oh, okay.
Thanks.
I... Now jump out the window.
But I... Now!
Okay.
Oh, trampoline.
Whoa.
Okay, who's next?
Mallory.
Mom!
Oh, what? letting strangers climb through your windows.
Also, breakfast in five.
I guess we'll just have to hire them all.
Hey, wannabe bodyguards out on the lawn, you're all hired.
Yay!
I needed this.
Meet me out front tomorrow morning, bright and early.
Bodyguards, good morning.
Morning, boss.
We're ready to start guarding your room.
Nothing's going to get past us.
Especially after we install this.
Whoa.
Is that a... It sure is.
My cousin delivered it last night in her truck.
Oh, does your cousin work for the airport or something?
What?
Juliet is five months old.
That would be ridiculous.
Wait, what?
Let's get to work.
I'm bored.
I guess I'll see what Mallory's up to.
Huh?
There's an airport security machine in front of her door?
I'll just move it.
Hold it right there, ma'am.
Do you have an appointment?
To see my sister?
No appointment, no entry.
Next.
Uh, excuse me.
What's all this?
I have to take this laundry into Mallory's room?
Does this laundry contain any belts, shoes, liquids, or laptops?
Uh, no.
Place it in a gray bin and send it through the machine.
What is all the noise out here, bodyguards?
These two were trying to gain entry, but I've turned them away.
Excellent work.
If anyone needs me, I'll be in my room.
Unavailable.
Mallory, I'm so bored.
Finally, I've done it.
Mallory, you're a genius.
Oh, and look, something is coming through the machine.
My laundry, perhaps?
Here it comes.
It's... Hey, Mallory.
Dorothy, how did you get past security?
I went through the machine.
My shoes are off.
Get out of my room.
Hey, Mal.
Dad, are you trying to get into my room via the trampoline?
Oh, yeah.
They wouldn't let me through the door.
I'm closing the window.
Now, Dorothy, get out of my room right now.
Look out!
Dad!
Oh, boy.
Sorry about that.
Hey, Mal, have you seen my social security card?
You just crashed through my window.
All right, I'm sick of this.
Ma'am, you can't go in there.
I can't go in there?
Into my daughter's room?
Just try and stop me.
Out of my way!
Mom's mad!
Uh-oh.
Mallory?
Mom?
You got all the security...
The airport thing.
The security guards.
Just to lay on your bed.
I need the space?
I'm... I'm growing.
You're grounded is what you are.
What?
Dinner in five.
Thanks, hon.
Harold, clean up this glass.
You got it.
Oh, get up, bodyguards.
You're fine.
The end.
Lee speaks with the author.
So Mallory, you wrote Do Not Disturb.
Yes.
How did you come up with the idea for that story?
So over the summer, my teacher asked my mom if I wanted to do summer writing club.
And I said yes.
She asked me what I had been writing lately.
And I said, not much, just this Do Not Disturb sign.
And that's how I came up with my story.
Like you were writing a literal do not disturb sign for your own room?
Yes.
I think it's funny that in your story she actually gets airport security and bodyguards to work outside her door, which sounds like it would be pretty disruptive actually.
That's the point.
Can you explain that a little bit more?
It's supposed to be like a funny story.
So it's supposed to like make characters think like, what are you doing now?
You know, that's just going to like, disturb you more.
I guess sometimes the harder we work to not be disturbed, the easier it is for that problem to get worse.
Yeah.
Do you like having a place in your house that is just for you?
Yes.
I love my desk area because my desk is my favorite color that has a light and some art supplies.
And I really like my bed, too.
It feels like my own private island. where I can do whatever I want.
Do you decorate your room?
Yeah.
Every few years, I like redo it.
A few years ago, I redid it and I went with sort of like a pink flower theme.
Are you already thinking about how you want to remodel next year?
Yeah.
My parents say that if I'm turning 10 next year, they're going to let me paint my bedroom whatever color I want.
Whoa, that's amazing.
Do you have any advice for any kids who are like I?
Want to make my room special and feel like my own private space.
They should think about what areas they use the most and if they could like design it any way.
They want no budget like what they would want in there.
Sometimes I like ask my parents, like if they could have their dream room, what would they put in it?
And then I draw it for them.
That's a great idea.
What are some examples of your parents' dream rooms?
My mom, she said she wants plants and books and chairs in her room.
And my dad.
He has a painting table and like a computer station where he can call his friends and they can play DD together.
And what about your dream room?
You probably can't have every single thing that you want in your own room, but if you could, what would you have in there?
Well, I really love pigs and Taylor Swift.
So on the walls I would like I would posters of Taylor Swift and some posters of pigs up on there and a nice carpet and a big desk area and a nice bed, nice loft bed.
I love the image of Taylor Swift and pigs right next to each other.
I can picture that.
Mallory, your story is so good.
Thank you so much for letting us perform it.
You're welcome.
Bye, Mallory.
Bye.
And when we come back, It's time for Story Love, where Peter and I read even more stories written by kids.
And we're joined by special guest Allison Pill.
We'll be back after a few words for the grown-ups.
Welcome back to Story Love, where we read stories written by kids and we discuss them.
I'm here with Peter.
Hello, Peter.
Hello, Lee.
And a very special guest, longtime friend of the show, Allison Pill.
Hi, Allison.
Hello.
I'm so happy to be here.
Let's get into our first story.
Allison, would you do us the honor of reading this first one?
I would be so honored.
This story is by Audrey, who is 11.
She's from Colorado.
The squirrel that disagreed with talking pumpkins.
Pumpkins.
Who needs them?
Humans.
Who needs them?
Us squirrels could totally rule this world.
Sorry.
I'm getting ahead of myself.
My name is Ava.
Ava the squirrel.
And I have a problem.
It's called talking pumpkins.
They are monstrosities who mock us squirrels because we used to eat pumpkins before they started talking.
How did it happen, you say?
Well, There was a human who bought a pumpkin for her daughter to carve into a jack-o'-lantern for her daughter's birthday.
But they left the pumpkin out too long.
It started to hear words that the words the humans were saying.
Then it had been left out still too much longer.
And the pumpkin started to talk.
Then the humans were so scared, they took it to the grocery store to ask.
But at the store the pumpkin rolled out of their arms and taught all the other pumpkins in the entire large grocery store how to talk.
Then the pumpkins ran away from the grocery store and started annoying us squirrels, because we used to eat pumpkins.
They made us miserable with hard riddles.
My best friend James got a practically impossible riddle.
It's time that this stops once and for all.
Fellow squirrels, come together.
We have to band together to stop these talking pumpkin menaces.
So that night we told those pumpkins, enough is enough.
We're so tired of these hard riddles.
We're so tired of us being mad at us.
So tired of you mocking us and so tired of you frustrating all the squirrels.
Can't we be friends?
Instead of you annoying us all day and all night, let us think about it, the pumpkins told us.
Think about it.
Oh, how annoyed I am.
I am Ava the Squirrel, and I disagree with talking pumpkins.
The very next day, the pumpkin said, we thought about it and decided, sure.
The end.
I mean, I mean.
You really gave Ava the Squirrel some life in that performance.
I love any monologue ever that starts with a character like muttering to themselves and then noticing and addressing the audience.
Yes.
It's very Shakespearean actually, isn't it?
It's like Richard III.
Yes.
I also like that humans are, and rightfully so, given that it was a jack-o'-lantern gone awry and left out too long.
So they do deserve some of the blame, but at the time you're just like, wait, what?
And I love that about it.
Like, what did the humans do?
My favorite scene actually is the image of the humans with a talking jack-o'-lantern going.
What do we do?
Let's complain to the store.
So they come in with their jack-o'-lantern like, excuse me.
And then, whoa, and then it gets away from them.
Yeah.
And starts a mob of pumpkins.
So my other obviously my other really favorite part of this story is that The humans are using, or the pumpkins are using, really hard riddles to annoy.
Out of nowhere.
Out of nowhere.
Which, honestly, I relate.
There's always like that guy who's like, I'm a riddle guy.
I got lots of riddles for you.
And I'm like, one riddle is great, but they're so hard.
I'm never going to get them because they're built to not be gotten.
The way it's written.
They made us miserable with hard riddles.
My best friend James got a practically impossible riddle.
Well, speaking of practically impossible riddles, I do have a riddle for you two.
Oh, boy.
Okay.
I want to see if you guys can figure out.
All right.
Okay.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
I'm in a corner twice.
I'm in a room once.
I'm not in a house at all, but I'm in a shelter once.
What am I?
I'm in a corner twice.
Twice.
Corner twice.
Twice.
Room once.
Room once.
No house.
Not in a house.
Shelter once.
Shelter.
A corner, like a street corner?
I'm thinking room, but maybe it's a different kind of corner.
So what's on a street?
Two roads?
Not in a shelter.
Uh-oh.
Is this an evil, impossible pumpkin riddle?
Do you guys want a hint?
Yeah.
Think more literally.
I'm in a corner.
You got it!
The letter R. That's good.
But that was with a hint.
Okay.
Let's get to our final story.
And this one is a dialogue of sorts.
And I was wondering if I could distribute roles to the three of us and we could read it together.
Great.
Can you pin the cast list on the board?
Yes.
No guarantee you're going to get the lead, though, Peter.
So, Allison, would you read Wilbert?
Yes.
Yes.
I'm going to read Mom and Teacher.
And then, Peter, would you read Bob, Random Student, Narrator, and Jeannie?
Yes, I'll remember all of those.
Okay, this final story is from an eight-year-old in Tennessee named John.
And John's story is called The Banana Touch.
I'll also read the stage directions.
Okay.
Alarm clock rings.
Honey, wake up for breakfast.
The bus will be here any second.
Coming, Mom.
Uh-oh, the bus is already here.
I better go.
Bye, Mom.
Scene change.
Wilbert at school.
Hi, Wilbert.
Hi, Bob.
Today we are learning science.
Um, we're in kindergarten.
Scene change.
End of school.
Wow, that was a long school day.
Hey, spot something on the ground.
What's this?
Ooh.
Ooh, a ring.
I'll put this in my ring collection.
Later that day at home.
Mom, check out this ring that I found.
Oh, Wilbert, throw that in the trash can.
Why, Mom?
Because the banana gods have chosen you.
Don't worry.
It's not like you are going to turn into a banana or something.
Wilbert slides on the ring and touches his mom.
Oh, no!
My mom did turn into a banana.
Ben Wilbert remembered that he had a magic lamp in the closet.
So he ran to the closet and he rubs the lamp so hard that a genie comes out and says You only have one wish.
Or if you need one more, you'll have to give me a million dollars.
So the boy went to the store.
He found one million dollars for a penny and ran back to the genie and gave him a million dollars.
And he gave him another wish.
Yes!
Genie, my two wishes are my mom being a human again, not a banana, and me not having a spell on me.
Of course!
Wooshing sound, and mom banana turns back into a human.
Oh my!
Then he hugged his mom.
Oh no, not again.
His mom turned into a banana again.
The end.
Wow.
Wow.
I'll say, the detail I love the most is that this narrator, who doesn't show up until late in the story,
The narrator, who should be impartial, is just saying he went to the store, he got a million dollars and then he gave the genie a million dollars and he gave him another wish.
And then the narrator says, yes!
With four S's.
He's invested.
Yes.
He's rooting for Wilbert.
I think if Story Pirates has taught our audience anything, it's that a narrator who's invested in the story is more interesting than a narrator who's not.
Yep.
I will say I also like the slight shift in typical genie lore.
We're used to three wishes.
You know, that's the typical.
But one wish, unless the genie gets a bribe.
All right.
Before we move on.
No, I'm going back to this.
I'm just realizing how funny a sketch is.
The day at school was?
Yeah.
Because I was distracted by the characters, but it's just at school.
Hi, Wilbert.
Hi, Bob.
Today we are learning science.
We're in kindergarten.
Cut to the end of the day.
Yeah.
That's really funny.
Yeah.
The way that you read it originally I liked too, because it was more of like.
It was less outrage and more like a question.
We're in kindergarten?
Sir, we're in kindergarten?
Yeah, I was like, can you believe this guy?
Allison, thank you so much for being here today with us.
Thank you.
And to read all of today's Story Love stories yourself, just head to storypirates.com.
And guess what, grown-ups?
You can find an even longer version of today's Story Love on YouTube.
And grown-ups, Story Love isn't just the name of a segment on our show.
It's also the name of our incredible corporate volunteer program.
To find out more about Story Love, visit our digital creative writing program StoryQuest, or our nonprofit arm, StoryPirates Changemakers.
Check the show notes for links.
That's it for today's episode.
Thanks to today's authors, Bentley and Mallory.
And a huge thanks to all of you for joining us for season eight of the StoryPirates podcast.
And guess what?
You can still send us your stories online And we respond to every single story we receive.
So grownups, your link to submit stories is in the show notes for today's episode.
We'll be back next week with another brand new episode.
Until then, stay creative and stay kind.
Bye!
The Story Pirates Podcast is a production of Story Pirates Studios.
Executive produced by Lee Overtree and Benjamin Salka.
Special guest, Allison Pill.
This episode features performances by... The bed was written and produced by Jack Mitchell.
Special thanks to...
It's true, I'm basically always sleepy.
But luckily, I can sleep anywhere.
Hey, look!
A giant pile of mashed potatoes.
The perfect place for a nap.
I'll just lie down here.
Mmm.
Perfect.
