Alright, you might want to grab your notebook for this one.
So I recently finished Dostoevsky's White Nights on my Kindle, which I know is very un-aesthetic.
And I need to be dramatic for a second, because I had several moments, but one moment in particular that I would like to share with you.
So everyone talks about this book like it's this emotional, heart-wrenching love story which, of course, it's up for interpretation.
But when I read it, all that I could think through my modern lens was wow, this is not romance.
This is a man wasting his entire life waiting for love, waiting for signs, waiting for some magical turning point.
And then it hit me.
That's literally what so many of us are doing in our own lives.
Except instead of wandering the streets of St.
Petersburg, we are scrolling, we're fantasizing, we're manifesting.
Now a few days, instead of reading this book, it was almost a sign because I lived out a quite embarrassing but important metaphor that I want to share with you.
So I am on auntie duty.
OK, so I'm pushing this huge stroller through a store and I need to go downstairs.
So I go to the elevator and I press the button and I wait and I wait.
And it's literally a two storey store.
I just saw the elevator go down.
So at a certain point i'm like okay, is the elevator stuck?
What's going on?
I even asked an employee and she goes yeah, it's just slow.
So i'm standing there getting impatient, and then another employee walks up, presses the same button with energy he's not here to play games and then within like five seconds the elevator doors And in that moment I thought of the book.
And I thought of my own life.
And I realized maybe my problem isn't that life isn't happening, maybe i'm just pressing too lightly.
So today we're talking about five subtle, often invisible, ways that we keep ourselves stuck, the way that we wait, we drift fantasize procrastinate compare, all without noticing.
Because dostoevsky wasn't just describing a man in love.
He was describing the human condition of styling, of living in your head instead of in your life.
So let's get into it.
Chapter one, the waiting room or, as i like to call it, the notorious wait.
It's that feeling of my life is going to start when that thing happens, when i move, when i get the perfect relationship, when i get a better job, when i hit 100k followers, when i get my dream body, when it's summer, when i'm ready, when the moon is in the right place in my zodiac sign.
And until then We just wait.
In White Nights, the main character spends years wandering the same streets, having the same thoughts, imagining different futures, while his real life is untouched, frozen.
And I think we can all relate to that at least to some extent, where we sometimes confuse waiting for preparing.
They're not the same thing.
Waiting is passive, preparing is active.
So here's something for you to write down what am i waiting for that i could actually start, because the elevator moment taught me something.
Sometimes the door is right there And you are just too gentle with your own life.
Chapter 2.
The messy middle.
The boring, unromantic phase.
Every dream has a beginning that you romanticize.
And an ending that you fantasize.
This is how I think of it.
But the middle, the part where nothing is glamorous, the part where you doubt everything.
That is where most people quit.
In White Knight, the middle is where he does nothing.
He dreams, he wanders, he imagines, but he never builds anything.
And I think our culture is obsessed with beginnings, know the planning, the pinterest boards and outcomes.
That is where i envision myself.
That is the goal.
But most people don't really talk about the long boring, unsexy middle where you don't feel motivated, you don't see progress, you question your identity, you feel average, you think you're failing, you lose validation, lose excitement, lose the spark and maybe even think something is wrong with you.
Now here's something to write down.
The boredom isn't a problem.
It's proof that you stopped fantasizing and you started building the inertia trap.
In physics, inertia means an object stays still unless a force moves it.
And that is us sometimes.
You know, metaphorically speaking emotionally mentally, spiritually.
In white knights, inertia is basically the main character's personality trait, which we don't even get to know his name, she doesn't even ask for his name.
You know, sometimes i catch myself thinking about that book again.
I just I get more and more frustrated and more and more question marks.
And honestly I think that's a sign of a good book where, long after you finish that, you still think about it anyway.
So he is full of longing, but empty of momentum.
And longing without action is just self inclined suffering.
You know, I think about myself where a few times, you know, I'll have a laundry pile And it's huge.
And I just keep moving it.
Bed.
Chair.
Chair.
Because it wasn't bothering me enough to fix it, but it was definitely bothering me enough to complain about it.
And that's sort of inertia in this metaphorical context.
It's not uncomfortable enough to take action, but not comfortable enough to stay content.
You're not unhappy enough to make a drastic change, but you're also not happy enough to feel momentum or to feel progress.
It's the blah zone.
You know it's when your life is not hurting you, but it's not exciting you either.
It's the limbo.
Now here's what you can write down in your notebook, if you want.
The rain rewards you more for imagining future than for building one.
That is why it's easier to think about living your dream life than to do that first uncomfortable step towards it.
Chapter four, the mirror effect.
Now this one hurts.
Honestly, the mirror effect is when what you avoid, pass scroll, procrastinate or obsess over is actually showing you something about you.
For example, if you're obsessed with watching other people's vlogs or success stories, maybe you're starving for movement in your own life.
If you compare yourself constantly.
It may not even be because you want their life, but you want some sort of proof that yours is possible, that that is possible.
But if you do nothing but daydream, it might be because the fantasy feels safer than the attempt.
And White Nights is basically a man seeing his loneliness, his fears, his desires reflected back at him through someone he barely knows.
And here's a notebook line.
What you watch is often a reflection of what you wish you were doing.
Chapter five, the daydream drift, the seductive escape.
And this is a big one.
And it sort of ties all of these together.
Daydream drift is when you create this beautiful fantasy, beautiful fantasy, life in your mind, the one-day life, and you spend so much time imagining it that you forget to actually pursue it.
And Dostoevsky's character literally lives inside his imagination.
The man created entire emotional universes for people that he had spoken to twice.
And now look, daydreaming isn't bad.
I hope not.
I do it all the time.
Escapism is it either?
We need some of it, and moderation, but too much escapism is the equivalent of numbing yourself instead of living.
And here's what you can write down what if the fantasy version of you could guide you towards the life you want, instead of just comforting you and keeping you stuck?
So yeah, white nights didn't make me cry, actually it did.
You know the very first line in the book, which was something like it was a wonderful night.
Such a night is only possible when you're young.
I love that line.
Look, I actually really enjoy the book.
I read it in one sitting.
I thought about it for days.
I'm still thinking about it.
And maybe I should make a video about it.
I feel like I have so much I want to talk about with that book.
So I hope this conversation has inspired you to press the elevator button and harder this time not passively, but with intention and watch the doors open.
